Family You're Born to vs. Family of the Heart

Many of us in this generation have been born into dysfunctional family with rampant abuse & neglect, especially Lightworkers. I am one. We have the opportunity to achieve things in this lifetime, including stopping the cycle of abuse (often a multi-generational thing - our parents abused, their parents abused), healing ourselves, helping others heal, & creating our own loving families (our children, new relationships with birth family, finding our soul families). I perpetuated some of the abuse on my own children, primarily my daughter, unwittingly. I hadn't dealt with my own abuse, had blocked the memories. I didn't abuse her in most of the ways I was, her abuse wasn't severe as mine was. Still, it was damaging. I've largely reduced the damage by owning my behavior (only possible once I remembered & then dealt with my own abuse), telling her why I acted as I did (that it wasn't of her, she didn't cause it or deserve it), & apologizing from my heart for every way I abused her. I help her identify the abuse as abuse, validate her, & help her overcome her learned reactions as best I can. I am also now the unconditionally loving, giving, supportive parent I was at heart, free of the living effects of my own abuse. I have done all the work I can on healing myself, including seeking counseling, reading all I could to learn the effects & work them out, & using every healing modality presented to me at every opportunity. It's an ongoing process for me, even after 21 years of awareness, remembrance.

One of my life missions is to help others in this process. I use my past pain & experience to help & heal & encourage others. I teach ways of healing, forgiving, moving on. I teach new ways of living, acting, new attitudes. As most, I also find this facilitates further healing in me. It continues to heal my heart to help others heal theirs. When I channel Reiki, as the vessel, I too receive healing. When I give to others in love, from the compassion I have learned for myself & others, it heals my heart further. As far as forgiving our abusers, it's not saying that any of what they did is ok. It's understanding why they did what they did, understanding that under their circumstances, they did the best they could. It's acknowledging the good they did for us along with validating ourselves by acknowledging the harm, the effects in us. That's how my daughter was able to forgive me, & how I was able to forgive my parents. It doesn't mean you then need to have a close relationship with your abusers. Some are still locked into those old patterns & are unhealthy to maintain close contact with. In those cases I recommend maintaining a certain distance, boundaries that suit your needs. For years I severely limited contact with my mother but was also the recipient of guilt trips regarding her, & had her used against me by others who were trying to manipulate me. I hadn't confronted her at that time, was still to a degree keeping her dirty little secret. As long as I remained the secret keeper, I wasn't free of the shame & guilt associated with abuse - they could easily affect me & be used against me. I was able to be manipulated. My self love was also limited. Confronting your abuser is the hardest thing you'll ever do, I believe, next to living through it. I recommend doing it as soon as possible though. I didn't do it until October 2010, when I decided to take over her complete care. By then, her mind was slipping & she had no memory of her actions so there was no real resolution possible, no remorse on her part to soothe me, no real satisfaction. At least my father owned up to some of his neglect of me (I only saw him a few times in his lifetime) & I was able to detect his remorse from things I learned after his death. I learned from one of his friends how often & proudly he talked of me, for example. I also found out that one of his all-time favorite songs was, "Sunrise, Sunset," which speaks of a parent watching his little child grow up & away, with deep regret. Still makes me cry to think of the words to that song, since I can truly now cry again. After he died he gradually got right with himself & God, & came to me through a local psychic medium & expressed his regret. So even parents who never see the light on earth, will once they reach the beyond. If you're worried about their souls, this should bring you great comfort, as it did me.

Until recently, I always felt on the outside looking in on warm, loving families. I was included in some of them, including with my cousins, but never felt that I really belonged anywhere. I never felt like I had a real home other than with my beloved maternal grandparents (the ones I always talk about), or a real family. Shortly before my father died, I connected with my half sister (shared father, different mothers) & other family members & realized that I have so much in common with them despite growing up across the entire country from them. That was my first sense of real family, of belonging, & I made the most of it. Around that same time I also began receiving full benefit of the family I had created - the unconditional love of my adult children. That has been developing since then, & is very healing to my heart. They love me & my daughter seeks me, misses me when we aren't in frequent contact. She wants me to live near her so we can do things together & see each other. Even her friends love me - a reflection of the way she talks about me & the love I give to her & them. My son also expresses wanting me to live nearby, as does his fiance. It's so lovely to be wanted! Their desire to have me in their loves is in such sharp contrast to my relationship with my mother & her non-existent relationship with me & others. Years ago, before her mind went, she systematically alienated or neglected all others in relationship with her. I always strive to be the anti-Norma (her name). I measure my success as a person on that, in fact, & on whether I'm living by my own principles & standards, living true to myself.

One of the greatest gifts I've been given in the past year is an increasing soul family. Over the years I accumulated family of the heart, starting in the late 1980s at my home church. As I became more of myself I became more loving & trusting, more able to accept the love & care of others & it began. This greatly increased in the 1990s after remembering & getting great counseling for the abuse I'd suffered. As I began to accept, know, & love me, others accumulated who also loved me for me. Then just over a year ago I began to connect to my soul family, other Lightworkers (beings of Light & Love) who share the values, ideas, & spirituality I do. I never quite felt like I belonged with musicians or band members in school, although I almost did. I never fit with artists in associations. I did fit with fiber artists, since they're close to the earth & the fiber animals, one of my greatest loves, & vitally interested & involved in the old ways of doing things, work with their hands & creativity. But until I started meeting my soul group, my heart had never found a total home. Being with these others is pure joy, no matter what. I can say absolutely anything & be entirely myself. All I encounter is unconditional love, understanding, & support. Our language is the same, our attention on the same things, our hearts have the same focus & needs, as do our lives. And now I live right next door to one & can have daily contact as I wish! My heart has found heaven on earth! And my mind is blown to find in her a beautiful mother-energy for me! Long ago I found other ways to replace my need for a mother, including by being the best one to my children & all others that needed that. I quit needing & largely quit wanting it, I thought - until I began receiving it. More on that later, as the benefits unfold. This is a key to much of the healing that still needs to take place in me. Soon I'll fully understand the gift I can give to others with my mother-love.

Ways to De-stress

This is a timely topic because the holidays often induce stress in people. Most people believe that others cause stress in us but in reality all stress comes from within & is a choice. One way to de-stress is to let go of perfectionism for ourselves & others, to make our expectations of self & others more in line with reality. Another huge way is to live & cope in the now. All we ever have is today. Tomorrow is past & done & the future is always the future - it never comes or it wouldn't be called future. What we have is now - what we have direct control over is only the now, & ourselves, our choices.

I watch people & learn from them, & stress is one of the most universal problems. It's the major cause of dis-ease & relationship problems & failures. Yet I've virtually eliminated it from my life, so I can help you do it too. One of the things I've done is learn myself. I know my style, my triggers, listen to my mind & body. I know my values & who & what I am & what my life is about. Then I stay true to all that. When needed, I remind myself of what's truly important to me, & the resources I have within & outside of myself. I call on God & the angels (specific ones) when I need help from outside of myself in handling things. I also refuse to accept outside pressure, as I mentioned yesterday, & I prepare. I clean as I go & handle things as they arise. I keep my standards in my daily life so I'm ready for whatever comes. I maintain my mind, spirit, & health as much as I can, as well as my home & environment. That way things seldom pile up on me. I've let go of controlling others & circumstances, let go of a lot of the details surrounding things. I'm a planner, a detail oriented person, very organized. So I take the time ahead needed to organize things I'm controlling. I don't take on too much - I know my limits & capabilities. I used to cause myself great stress by trying to make up for lacks in my life all at once. An example is Thanksgiving. I tried to replace the large family Thanksgivings I enjoyed as a child all by myself. All the adult women in the family would bring something & gather together to collectively cook a huge feast. I tried many years to do that all on my own. Now I've let go of that. Instead, I work to create that sense of family in other ways. I've also learned to ask for & accept help. I used to set myself up for stress by not asking for help or recognizing my needs in advance. I wanted the house clean & neat, to prepare a feast & have it all come off as planned. I wouldn't ask for help in the cleaning & preparation, & end up stressed & resentful after having tried to do it all myself. Asking for help allows others to be givers too, often gives them responsibility (something many people need to have gently thrust at them), gives them a part in the outcome. I used to resent that my ex needed to be asked to do any & every type of help & would do the minimum & lose interest. I hated that he was reluctant to take any responsibility, left it all to me, & was half-hearted & acted like I was bothering him. So I always undertook everything myself & was often very stressed, plus resentful. If I had ignored my perception of the attitude & asked for help more often, it might have motivated him to be more involved in all of our lives together instead of perpetually coasting. If I had always done that, perhaps things would have turned out different - perhaps he would have seen the need for a change of behavior on his part. I truly doubt it with him, but most people have more potential than that. Thing is, I was never realistic about what I could accomplish - was always over-reaching to make up for his lack. I wasn't clear with myself or honest about my own needs & capabilities, & I didn't want to make him mad (you can't truly make anyone mad - that's their choice of attitude) or be a bother (again, a perception thing).

One key to handling situations without allowing them to become stressful is to take the long-view perspective on things. Compare the outcome or possible outcome to your values, needs, & mission & ask yourself whether this or that will matter to you or anyone else a day, week, month, or year from now, whether it will matter on the day you cross over. Usually the answer is no. Also, if you keep true to loving-kindness toward yourself & others no matter what, you're defining the overall outcome. And be sure to acknowledge yourself & what you've achieved with all these strategies. Often stress is like a headache. Once it's gone you forget it ever existed & you fail to notice it's absence. You need to acknowledge yourself for your handling of things to reinforce yourself & the strategies learned, so you can continue the ones that work for you. Be kind to yourself, then reward yourself as needed. There are some wonderful products out there to pamper yourself when you're tired & in need, & Christmas is coming! People always want to know what to get for you, so why not give them help. Hometics (I believe is the spelling) & Conair have some wonderful products - massaging foot baths, foot massage units, units that can turn your tub into a kind of jacuzzi, hand held massagers, & even a chair size or bed sized mat to sit or lie on that can provide heat & massage. And I make many products with essential oils that aid sleep, stress reduction, migraines, & muscle aches including bath salts, linen sprays, & face pillows.

Letting Go of Perfection

Perfectionism is one of the most destructive forces we can perpetuate. It damages & stifles souls & creation. I didn't paint for 30 years because I was blocked, feeling I couldn't put create what I wanted on canvas. When I finally started again, it took awhile for my style to emerge & what emerged it not what I'd envisioned. However, it has merit, & has brought me joy & began to fulfill what I was stifling in myself. I never thought of any other form of art as needing perfection, realized that some of the charm of hand-made is that no 2 are alike. It was only in painting that I allowed that kind of blockage. In all else, I was pleased to create the best I could, improve as I went along, & be happy with what I was doing. I found it very fulfilling, as I now find painting.

We often perpetuate a need for perfection on ourselves & others, which is very damaging, especially when directed at our children. Many of you have been damaged by this from your own parents, so you know just what I mean. Demanding perfection in ourselves or others is the direct opposite of unconditional love. It creates great stress, feelings of inadequacy, the feeling that the person is never good enough, can't do enough, can't be enough. This is one of the deepest sorrows a person can carry. It eats away at all else good in someone's life.

The way to let go of perfection is acceptance of ourselves & others just as we are. That doesn't mean you want to keep the status quo & never learn, grown, & change. That simply means we accept ourselves & others as we are now, & love the whole as is. We can want more for ourselves & others but not insist. We need to allow the process of change to flow, love the process, love the person where he/she is at the moment. It's about appreciating the moment & all that's in it, living in the moment. If we always make the best of things as they are now, are grateful for what is in the now, that's part of how to let go of perfection. That alone opens the door to removing expectations & perfectionism. Remember that you can never change anyone but yourself & that changing ourselves comes about in gradual steps. The best way to make changes is one at a time & systematically, daily. If you work at anything for a steady 21 days you begin to set a pattern. When you follow through for 3 months, you've achieved the change & you can take on the next one. Many of us are impatient & want it all now but that's not the way change works. Just like with playing an instrument, it takes practice. If you don't do the steady work to make a change, you'll be exactly where you are now 3 months from now. The 3 months will pass anyway. Why not control & direct the outcome? When I undertook my life changes in September & October of 2010 I realized I had about a year of work ahead of me, & that's exactly what I had. That can be daunting to many but I realized that I'd been living with my ex for 10 years at that time. One year to overcome the effects seemed minor in comparison. Besides, I sure didn't want the status quo to exist a year later. It's like losing weight after years of gain. If you've been gaining for 12 years & it takes you 12 months to lose it, you're doing a tremendous job.

As far as changing others, you simply can't. All you can change is how you view & deal with that person. I touch on that in Friday's blog so I'm not going to write a lot about it here. But we all have choices as to whom we choose to spend time with & how much, the nature of the relationship, etc. If you need to, go back & read the blog on boundaries, shields, & walls. If you wish to have a graceful life with less stress, you'll let go of your expectations of others & take them as they are. We can often help others see the need for changes by example or loving suggestion, but that's really all we can do outside of prayer. What we can adjust is our actions, attitudes, & reactions, our expectations & the amount of love, time, & attention we give that person, even whether there's a place for him/her in our life. Those are the only healthy ways to relate to ourselves & others - healthy for them & for us.

Wishes for Our Children

We all have wishes for the lives of our children. Some are healthy, some are not. My children are 25 (boy) & 30 (daughter). By now, my wishes for them are clearly defined. The healthy mother in me always had very healthy wishes for them as they grew up. Unfortunately, in practice I demanded much more than that. I tried controlling them because I felt I could, whereas I didn't feel in control of my own life. That's a common mistake parents make. They feel their role is to raise & train their children when in fact are biggest role is to love them, try to prepare them for life & society, & to be the best example we can be. In many ways I was a very good example to them - of ways to give to others even without abundance in our own lives, in how to set boundaries for ourselves (although I sometimes violated theirs), in self-control & handling responsibilities. I often demanded perfection from them because that's what I learned growing up. Tomorrow's post is about how to let go of perfection. That's another big mistake people often make. You can teach your children by example how to be loving toward others (costs nothing), to pray for others, to care, to give as you are able. You can teach them to give time, kindness, & to share with others rather than be greedy. You can teach them to care for the feelings of others, & how to take care of themselves, to reach out for help as needed. Most of all, you need to be a source of unconditional love rather than constant training. Children learn best by love & example.

My daughter has become the very compassionate, understanding, loving woman I wished her to be. She lives by the philosophies I taught her, my golden rule of always being kind & caring toward others in every big & little way you can. She takes every opportunity to be giving & caring, mostly giving of herself. She's also very accepting of the flaws in others. She knew I'd be late coming in on her birthday. She knows I have trouble getting myself going when it comes to leaving the house, & that there would be a lot of traffic. She wanted to share her favorite restaurant with me & bless me on her birthday. She knew better than to make reservations, & was quite graceful when I called from Hagerstown & was about 2 hours away despite the fact that it was around the time I'd originally planned to arrive at her house. I was touched by her grace, acceptance, understanding, her lack of stress. I was also so touched by her excitement to share the surprise of restaurant destination, her delight in sharing this special dinner with me.

However, I still have unfulfilled wishes for her in her life. The biggest one that I want for her (within herself) is to show herself that same spirit of loving acceptance, that unconditional love. I was not a good example for her but I am now. I want her to de-stress, to quit caring what others think of her & not accept their judgments, to treat herself with the same respect & kindness she shows others. Then others in her life will do the same for her, or be discarded & replaced. Did you hear that? That's the proper thing to do when we have those who drain us, use us, & don't properly respect & appreciate us. It can be a friend, co-worker, boss, or family member - doesn't matter. You have to set your boundaries & set the example of how you need to be treated & limit the time & influence of anyone you can't outright eliminate that doesn't treat you as you deserve & need. We can't always eliminate a dysfunctional boss, co-worker or family member. If you aren't able to change your logistics to eliminate the dysfunction you have to set your boundaries within yourself & manage your environment (inner & outer) to minimize the effects. It also helps to understand where that person is coming from. Often understanding that the dysfunction comes from a lack in the other person gives you an opportunity to change the situation by changing how to relate to him/her. One great tool for learning to do that is the book by Dr. Gary Chapman, "The 5 Love Languages." It addresses, in depth, the ways individuals give & receive love & how learning that can facilitate healing relationships. But sometimes the true answer is just to release someone in love & move on with your life without him/her. That's sometimes necessary in letting go of what no longer serves us.

My other greatest wish for my daughter is in response to her greatest wish - healthy, full term babies from her womb. This doesn't come from a desire for grandchildren - there's no self-interest involved here although that would be ok if there were. Personally, my greatest wishes for my children have nothing to do with marriage, children or traditional success. My wish has been for them to find their passions in life & live them fully & daily (& find & develop their individual gifts), & to be the most kind, compassionate, giving, & loving people (to themselves & others) that they can be, & to find & follow their spiritual path, embrace & live it fully. To me, those 3 things comprise success in life. I want them to have the best lives for themselves that they can. I compare what I was like at their ages to where they are on those goals, & I am satisfied. I watch them struggle as individuals with things I've conquered & so wish that I could move them forward beyond them, spare them. But that's not within our realm & power as parents, & that's a very important thing to learn as early as possible. If you lead by example & you gave them a good & loving foundation, they will learn these things for themselves, as they must. We must set the rules & boundaries while they're still in our care, to protect & teach them, but at each age we must be willing to let them fly free & learn for themselves as much as possible. That's an important part of unconditional love.

Changing Habits

Some old bad habits die hard, like avoidance. I tend to avoid self care & desk work including facing finances, handling administrative problems. I'd rather do just about anything but then they're always hanging over your head (said problems & bills) & become much larger problems. They become time & energy drains that could have been handled more easily in the beginning. There are 2 things I do about this, besides my attitude toward myself & others of "just do it." One thing - I cut myself some slack when I need it. When I have too much else going on & I'm already doing a bunch of the "tough stuff" I give myself a break. I don't assign myself too much of the stuff way outside my comfort zone in any one day or week. You have to know yourself. I know I handle things better when I'm clear thinking & ready mentally & emotionally to tackle it. I know I can trust myself to do the tough things within the time given, can put it off a little. When it becomes necessary for my head to do them, I have the mental capacity to handle them & do, before they become too much of a drain or problem. I'm reliable, accountable to myself. Some people thrive on deadlines & chaos. I used to do well when things reached a crisis or deadline point, back when I was very Type A. (Yep, I really was, funny as that will seem to you. Back in the 90s especially - my job, single parenting.) Now I don't let things get to that point because I function better without the pressure. Another thing I do is set my own priorities & boundaries. Just because someone else wants you to do something by a certain date doesn't mean you have to live by that, whether it's a bureaucrat (famous for those things) or a friend, co-worker, or family member. Especially when it comes to handling my mother's affairs I'm very good at making a call & asking for help or a time extension or lesser paperwork to file. I realize I'm doing the work for her as a courtesy, not a requirement, & that my life & needs come first. No one else is taking care of my needs so if I don't put myself first then I end up lacking because someone else wants me to take care of her affairs. Notice the placement of the words "needs" & "wants" in the previous sentence. Those are very important words in this case. If you don't take care of your own needs, someone else has to & then no one gets their wants taken care of. People are not limitless resources to expend without maintenance & care, so you & I aren't either.

Many things got set aside in the move & my desk is a mess of papers & mail. Things that I need to take action on or put away. Normally my desk is clear of these because they're filed by when they need to be handled (like bills) & set up by priority. I haven't had that opportunity, as more has piled in every day. Part of not assigning myself too much was to wait on everything that could. Then I gave myself a few days last week to rest as needed & participate in spiritual activities, feed my heart & soul. Now it's time to clear my desk, as working on my personal needs. It's time to set my world to rights. I have a great need for cleanliness & order so one of my priorities is setting up all my spaces to be fully functional.

This is the real beginning of my new life. The last year has been in preparation. I set the stage (started my own company, took classes, did lots of spiritual work on my own), met many of the players (as in, some of my soul group, who have become very close & beloved friends), & cleared the stage of as much of the old as possible (spiritual, emotional & physical healing & clearing & clearing of space). I built a whole new set (friends, new relationships with family & myself, even a new home). Now, in the same philosophy of giving myself a break & not trying to accomplish all at once, I'm going to work on optimal self care, balance, & wholeness with a renewed effort. I had great intentions about self care about 6 months ago but didn't follow through on them. Now is the time to start implementing the things I'm lacking in regarding that, one by one. With kindness toward self & compassion, I will begin to put myself first in my intent - in my relationship with my body. I've already been doing that with my soul, spirit, emotions. I will not assign myself too many changes at once or pressure myself, but will flow into this as the priorities present themselves. I will handle these changes with grace & compassion, & forgiveness if needed. I tell you all this because I know I'm only one needing to do this - most of you who read this need to do these things too. Allow yourself to put your needs first. Recognize that this is the way the universe works, that this is not selfishness. Then don't try to do it all at once & cut yourself some slack. It's not about forcing change - it's about allowing change as you recognize the need & feel it within yourself. I wasn't ready before, when I intended to do it. Now I am. In my heart & soul I recognize the need & my heart has been opened to these changes. That allows me to make them gradually, with grace. If you need to, pray about it, meditate, until your heart is in alignment with your head on this, & you're therefore ready.

Part 2 of 2 - Day 2 of My New Life

When I talked of manifestation yesterday I left out an important point - "the cursed how's." Mike Dooley brought the mechanics of manifestation home to me with that phrase, first learned in the "Thoughts Become Things" DVD. When working to manifest, you picture & set your mind on the end result only, in as much general detail as you need, then let the universe work out how it's going to get you there. Yesterday I shared how the universe directly manifested the details I'd set forth. I only put in the details that really mattered to me: cozy, home of my own (versus having a roommate), including the cats, suiting us entirely, room for all my current interests & passions & all that entailed. I knew our needs entirely & put just enough detail in there to make sure all our needs would be met. Later paragraphs of my manifestation statements also speak to this & I didn't list those yesterday but they include physical & spiritual comfort & safety for me & the cats & the flow of abundance. It also includes the other things I need & want in my life like health, strength, the ability to travel at will to visit family & friends & participate in events. All these needed to be addressed because of the lacks I wanted to cure in my life. I had been living small by necessity & needed that to change. I once wrote a blog, months ago, about living small vs. living large, etc. If you haven't read it, please research it in my old blogs. It never hurts to go back & read many even if you've read them before. I'm seldom the one to write them - they're usually channeled. Anyway, I was general but detailed in the things that truly mattered in my picture of the end result & put nothing in there about how to get there. That's the job of the universe. I never could have orchestrated what happened on my own! This was set in motion more than a year ago! I "happened" to call a stranger who told me I'm a healer & should become attuned to Reiki, which I'd never heard of. That was September of 2010 after a call in August 2010 to a friend about ways to piece together a living when you don't have a job. The stranger became a close friend immediately & in June 2011 told me about the woman who is now my neighbor & business partner. She in turn suggested I rent this house next door to her, told me the woman was going to put it up for rent in November, & then provided her contact information. I couldn't have dreamed that he knew her, that she & I would become so close (he was surprised too at how close we've gotten), that this house would be available, & that the woman who owns it would be such a super Christian that she listened to God instead of people & rented to me against all odds. My part was to believe in the goodness available to me & go for it - to move in the direction of fulfilling my dreams. I had to scrape together the $20 for the credit check, then the money for the security deposit, when the owner decided to rent to me. But friends & family came to my aid then, & when it was time to move. It even included more strangers, who were led to help me move for free! All this is because the universe decided I was ready & it was time for me to move forward with my work. Mike Dooley likens the process to GPS. You tell it your intended destination & it maps out for you how to get from where you are to where you intend to go. The only difference he also covers. If your destination is a town you've never been to, as you go along you don't see that you're really getting there until you arrive. Nothing is familiar because you've never been there before. You're accepting that the GPS knows the way & you only see when you arrive that it was correct & your faith was well-placed. I couldn't see that the universe was moving me forward to my manifestation but I had faith when things seemed to be moving forward - faith enough to keep moving in the direction indicated. I put myself out there - contacted the home owner, saw the house, filled out the application & obtained the $20, followed that up with a note about how much I wanted to rent this house & what it would mean to me. I also put out on Facebook that I wanted to rent a house in Pittsburgh, & had been doing the work to clear the space where I was living. That's the thing I talk about when I talk about doing the work before you, whatever it is. The only way I was able to pull off this move in a timely manner (found out October 21 that I was taking possession on November 1) was because I'd been steadily clearing out the old house of all that no longer served me. I'd also been cleaning as I went along, so when the owner of this house wanted to come out & see how I was living, all the rooms I'd done were already neat & clean. She saw what I still had to accomplish to clear out the mess I'd been left with vs. what I'd achieved in the rest of the house & could see what kind of person & housekeeper I am. I was nearly done with the main house when I found out I was moving & that put a clearing of the old house by November 30 within reach. If I'd been lazy or too depressed to accomplish what I had, she would have rejected me as a tenant, & rightly so. A year ago every room in the house was filled with unopened & half boxes & clutter thanks to the 2 extra people living there. It was nothing like the clean, peaceful environment I created in every room I tackled. Our part is faithful duty to every task that falls to us, to do our best every day to create what we want & need in our lives as the opportunities for service arise. It's not up to us to figure out how to make things happen, only do what we're given to do. Does that make sense? If not, please tell me because this is a hugely important concept. If you need a certain income & want a fulfilling job, don't tell the universe you want to work for Westinghouse in the accounting department & make $50,000 per year because the universe might put you at Google in the travel department making $100,000 per year & also satisfy your desire for international travel. Instead, tell the universe you want abundance & prosperity & a satisfying job using your talents. Then start applying for jobs or taking classes to get your skills up or both - whatever you need to do to move in the direction of your goals. The universe then starts opening & closing doors, presenting opportunities for you to do the work & move forward toward the manifestation. One way to move forward is a sure thing - write your manifestation statements & start with "I am manifesting:" & end with "So be it!" Then read them aloud once every morning before you start your day. That sets your intent in motion in your mind & heart. Even on days when you aren't "feeling it," it guides your choices & actions. It also tells the universe that you're serious about this. Do that & whatever presents itself to you to be done in a day & toward your goal & it WILL happen. It can seem to come "out of the blue" because like traveling to a new destination for the first time, you don't recognize the area - but it WILL come! Happy manifesting! Then comes the joy of discovery & getting to live within your dreams! I wish you fulfillment of "beyond your wildest dreams"!

Starting a New Chapter - The Power of Manifestation - Part 1 of 2

When I was a child I thought of my life as a book. After a new period started I'd see a fresh chapter with blank pages. I knew what was in the previous chapters but the page had been turned & the past a closed chapter. You don't normally go back & read previous chapters in a book (mine was hard cover), you move forward to see what happens next. Turns out there's a psychological term for this & that it's common among abuse survivors. That I visualized it as such at a young age shows that early-on I had perception & insight, & great survival capabilities. I've lived with this book image for all the life that I can remember. It's an innate part of me. And so I know that a new chapter begins today! I've been writing the final paragraphs leading to this chapter since summer. Pretty much all I did was sell off furniture from my old life (belonging to the family of my newly ex), getting rid of all that no longer served me. I also did the emotional work to heal & clear my life, & learned & experienced all I could that was of my new life & my work for God. I transformed the place where I was living to suit the life I wanted for myself, room by room, & actively worked to manifest what I needed in my life. I believe it was mid August when I finally connected by phone & later in person with a woman named Sandy, who was living the things I wanted to manifest in my life, upon the recommendation of the guy who first brought me to Reiki. Something she said led me to write my "I Am" statements & clear my language of all negative statements beginning with "I am..." like "I am tired." I also wrote my manifestation statements around that time, then lined out my work with specific angels in charge of the things I wanted in my life. By the end of August I started reading all the above out loud every day, as I've recommended in previous blogs.

What happened was a miracle in my mind & turns out to be truly amazing to others. But now that I'm finally reading Mike Dooley's book (he of tut.com), "Manifesting Change: It Couldn't Be Easier" I see that what happened was inevitable. Please obtain a copy of this book & read it. This is such a good book that I wish to own my own copy & have one to lend. If you can't find it any other way, you can purchase it on the tut.com website. The amazing thing is how directly the manifestation worked! I have mine broken down into 3 paragraphs & each one starts with "I am manifesting..." The other day the words "I have a cozy home of my own that suits us entirely." Then I realized that was part of my manifestation statement (my mind included the cats in that statement, as always). So here's what the first paragraph says, broken down into 3 sentences. "I am manifesting: A cozy home of my own with the cats that suits us entirely, with room inside or a separate building on the property to accommodate all my work, current interests, & passions. It includes a studio, treatment room, gathering room/yarn & spa shop, & the Cattitude shop, my spinning wheel. People come to my home for visits, classes, Reiki or other treatments/help as needed, & knitting gatherings - people are drawn to me at this home." The amazing thing is, that paragraph manifested all into one room except the treatment room! All one paragraph, all one room. This house is nothing like I pictured when I pictured manifestation but I didn't put that mental picture into the statements. I therefore didn't limit the universe. This house is however a lot like what was in my heart when I pictured the manifestation. Mentally I pictured a Victorian with lots of large rooms. In my heart I pictured a small, cozy cottage with charm & gardens, & that's what my living space is like, the upstairs. The downstairs is an amazing manifestation for my work - one long, wide enough room that's finished, for the gatherings, my studio, my office, products to sell, & an adjacent cement space with room for my beloved grandmother's stove & work space. It used to be in her basement & she made candles & candy on it. I'll use that space & her stove for the same things, & teaching these things. This is the 4th house that stove has been moved to since she died & I'll finally be using it, as originally intended. I'll finally have my shops in my home, as I've wanted since I was a young adult. I'll finally be fulfilling all my heart's desires for my life - serving God as intended, working with all my talents & God-given skills, ministering to people & animals, improving the lives of animals & especially cats, having my own shops & selling my paintings & crafts, having gatherings, making a great living working from home & going out as I wish. There is so much more to it than that & so many details I'm leaving out. My heart hasn't entirely gotten in touch with it all yet because these dreams & needs have been so long in coming to fruition.

But as of yesterday I'm finally done clearing the other house. Now all I possess is in my new home & my life can entirely move forward. I get to play house & nest in my space! This is a much smaller house than I've ever had but for once I don't have to accommodate another person or be keeper of other people's stuff that they wouldn't part with but don't want to handle. I had that burden for 11 full years & it really got old very early-on. I lived in & cleared out the houses of classic hoarders & was left with the physical burden of clearing their spaces largely without help or resources. Handling just my own stuff is a breeze & a joy. It seemed to those helping me move like I have a lot of stuff & I do - I do many arts & crafts & have loads of supplies, & I'm a nester, a cook, a homebody who likes to have my comforts & things. I've talked about this before - making your space yours, homey. But compared to what I've lived with for the last 11 years what I have is nothing, & small. As a small person, I tend toward smaller & lighter furniture & efficient storage. I love dual purpose furnishings, know how to make the most of my space. More tomorrow!