Overflowing Heart Brings So Much Back to Me

I don't have a man in my life, nor do I have much direct family. My father died, my mother never was. I seldom see my children, almost never talk with my son or interact with him in any way. He's my baby and we're closely bonded, but he's currently struggling in life and therefore not communicating. Yet I have so much love and joy in my life!

I never know who I'm going to encounter in what way on any given day. But these days not a day goes by that my heart isn't warmed by someone special in my life. Without a car, it's seldom in person. But for awhile now I've been such a strong empath that I can read the feelings put into typing (text or chat) as well as most people detect the feelings in person or by phone. So I'm receiving the full impact (although in person is certainly superior). Earlier today I overflowed the love onto Rebekah Gamble. Perhaps that's why I got a text a little bit ago that just said, "I love you." The absolutely awesome thing is that she does that often! It means all the world to me when she does this. She's a daughter of my heart (not flesh) and I can hardly believe she's not my own, or that we've only known each other since May or so.

People love to say they want to die and come back as one of my cats. That's how I love my friends, all my dear ones. The result is that I have so much love in my life. I receive the kindest words, compliments, care, and blessings. Rebekah is just one example. One friend and his wife bought me a coffee maker because he didn't want me to have to take so long to filter coffee through a funnel without one. People have given and lent me money. People have taken me to job interviews. They've spread the word about my products and services and done all they can to help me. They've also taken me on errands. God has used many of the people in my life to bring me to Pittsburgh, get a house for me and the cats, and keep us here. I am so grateful to Him and to all of them.

There's a man on Facebook in California who's trying to get me to join a dating site, call him. He's very lonely, reaching out. Whenever someone reaches out to me my first reaction is to respond, try to meet his/her needs. So I responded to this man at first, and he wanted me to call him. I didn't have time at first. Now I realize I simply don't have time period, or won't make the time. I can't be a "lonely hearts club." It's not for me to do for, give to, and help everyone who comes to me. Some come to me for the wrong reasons, or for things I can't give them. I'm not sure what this man wants besides love and attention but from the suggestion of a dating site, I realize he's looking for love with a woman. That's where I see I'm not the one to help him, would only be wasting his time and mine. I won't be his girlfriend. I'm not looking for love, not open to that kind of relationship. I need to clarify that for you. I've been told that "him, whoever he is" does exist, my intended mate. I was told a few indicators. This man is linked to my life mission. I am totally open to this now. I'm not closed to a relationship with a man. I'm closed to a random one. All my life is about very specific things and my dear ones fit into that. So will this man, when he enters my life.

I have an abundance of cats and dear ones. Sometimes I wonder how I can keep up with them all and interact enough to satisfy their needs. But my friends are like the cats in that they don't usually all come to me or need me at once. The cats are largely self-sufficient and so are my friends and loved ones. Sometimes I think about the size of my inner circle of loved ones, and all the lovely people in my life. It absolutely amazes me! Most regular people are lucky if they have a few close friends. The inner circle I pray for daily includes 23 people and that doesn't include actual family! Those are not the only ones I pray for, just the ones I interact with regularly. As I've said, I went from the child who was under loved, under valued, and largely neglected to all this! The way it happened is that I just kept loving others, and appreciating every bit of love and care that came my way. The more I matured and learned to just freely give my love and care, the more what came back to me increased. The more that happened, the more I was able to get out of myself, extend myself, and love. Many years ago I learned to overcome my natural shyness by giving of myself and concentrating on drawing the other person out. I learned to make their feelings of prime importance, to concentrate on making others feel good. I learned to come out of myself.

I gain friends in amazing ways. Chrissy was the dental hygienist when I had to have a lot of dental work done around mid 2006, and we got to be close friends. She is Light and Love, giving, and so very kind. She's one of the most beautiful women I know. (Funny, some of the women I know who are most beautiful inside are also stunningly gorgeous on the outside. Chrissy is, and so is Rebekah.) The other day Chrissy sent me a message on Facebook. She said I light up a room when I enter, and draw people to me. That was one of the best compliments I've ever gotten. I've so wanted to be that kind of person for as long as I can remember. Now I understand that my ultimate goal is that, and to raise the vibrational level of all I interact with. Another way to put it is that I want to make a positive impact everywhere I go, with everyone I interact with. I want to leave each person better off and feeling better because we met or talked. And I want to do it at each and every encounter. So that's the intent I put out there, even when calling to pay a bill or make an inquiry. And it all comes back to me all the time. I never know who is going to bless or gift me how or when, only that they will. It can be something as simple as a smile from a bus driver I've engaged in friendly conversation. It all matters, all adds to the overall beautiful quality of my life. I always expect great things and great treatment these days - because that's what I'm putting out there, and what I'm therefore regularly getting.

Overflowing Heart & Personal Pride

These days I'm absolutely loving my life! Nothing outwardly has changed, as I've stated. I still don't have a job or car, still live in daily pain because I haven't received physical healing. It hurts to walk and type most days, and that's just part of it. But I'm living with an overflowing heart and all the joy that brings. Part of most days it's overflowing and I have to flow it onto others in my life. So I am able to be a stream of blessing to others and that just increases that heart and flow. Because positively touching others has always been one of my greatest goals in life. So every day I'm living in Love, flow, and gratitude. It makes the rest mere details. It totally takes my mind off the pain. I never dwell in the pain or problems any more. And I know I'm on the verge of getting all I truly want and need in my life. I can feel it and see it coming. God has been so very good to me, showing me the flow. At first I learned to rely on Him as He would provide when I was in crisis, moved from crisis to crisis. Now He's ahead of these needs, showing me the rewards of faith. I am zinging and humming with life and high vibration!

I just completed the work for my first college class. I am very proud of myself, and thought about the word "pride." I know that pride can lead to a fall, and big ones. I know that self can be such a problem, can lead to so much grief. It all depends on the context, what we do with it. There's selfish and self centered, and they can be "good" or "bad" depending. It's actually all about balance, heart, and attitude. You can't successfully be too selfless or too self centered or selfish. There needs to be heart and balance. It's necessary to be somewhat self centered and selfish. You have to take care of yourself and your own needs or someone else has to. Those are just laws of nature. You take care of your needs or you get diseased or disabled and it becomes necessary for others to take care of you. But if you take care of yourself in all ways, you can also help take care of others in whatever way given to you. You're given this by way of gifts, talents, experience, and opportunities. We're all supposed to take care of ourselves plus care for others within our capacity and calling.

So back to pride. Again, this has to be in balance, can be "good" or "bad." I am very proud of myself for successfully completing my first college class. I have new stature in my own eyes. But I understand that all I did was my own part in this. The first class was designed to teach us to navigate the system (all online), to ease us into college courses and expectations. The teacher really aided me in my success, as did God. None of this was on my own. So that balances the pride. I did my part and had ample help in succeeding. I am proud to have done my part as well as I did, and very grateful for all the help I got. We all need to have healthy self-esteem, and this pride is part of mine. I really needed this, because my self-esteem took such a hit two years ago. And this leads back to the overflowing heart. I am so very grateful to my teacher, and for the blessings. I so love me at this point, and everyone. And as long as I'm functioning from overflowing heart, it balances all the self and pride issues.

Self Esteen Issues & Resolution

I've always had self esteem issues and they arose again last week especially, early this week. I've worked hard over the years to overcome them, have a true and healthy sense of self. Every time they've become clear, I've worked on them. As a young adult, I had many issues left over from my childhood. In my 30s I began resolving them. From then on, it's been kind of a roller coaster. Sometimes I'd be doing fairly well in resolution, other times they'd appear prominently.

Two years ago my self esteem was at an all time low, not seen since the 1980s before I remembered my mother's abuse of me as a child. I felt responsible for the crimes committed by my latest ex husband and the mess my life was in. It's very common for a victim to take on the guilt, and I was fully doing that. What I had to do was truthfully examine my role in what happened. What I found was that I was again the classic enabler. I had to face that, what I'd done and why. I had to entirely face myself, who I am, my choices. I had to own up to my true part in things that happened and learn from it. I had to forgive myself and my ex husband. I had to come to a full understanding. That was just the first part of healing and rebuilding my self and my life.

I was surprised to back slide last week on my self esteem issues, to have a bunch of the old way of thinking and processing things back again. I thought I'd overcome that. So I put it to prayer, with intent. The gift from God during my prayer time today was His message of love. He helped me see that I've been very responsible in my choices, especially as I've healed. He helped me see that I can hold my head up high and be proud of what I'm doing with my self and my life, the choices I'm making minute by minute, day by day. That's what it all boils down to for all of us - the moment by moment decisions on how we spend our time and what we do. It took me awhile to get out of the fog, to heal. But I remained steadfast to my path and purpose, and earnestly sought God and a better way of life. He has provided me with all the opportunities I need to heal, grown and learn, and to be in true relationship with and to Him. And I've made responsive choices in how I've handled those opportunities. So I've been rewarded with more of them.

It's been a time of purifying my heart and intent, ridding myself of jealousy and competition. I've been learning myself and to be true to myself, my gifts, and my mission. I have a contract with God, as I've said, made before I incarnated. For two years now, I've been daily and entirely faithful to that contract, our mission. I've never stopped, given up, walked away, or taken the easy way out. My current situation - no job and no car - are illusions. It's a step in the path, part of the learning and growing toward all I truly and most want in my life - Love and the Kingdom, connection with my Father and service to my fellow man. All those things I heard of in church are coming to pass - "beyond my wildest dreams." I used to hear about mission to God and feel the call but not know how to respond. And I didn't want to give up my own way or anything I wanted in order to heed. I had no true idea at the time what it was all about, how to go about it, and I wanted what I wanted. All those of you who have heard and felt this know exactly what I'm talking about. We all have the "but ifs" at times. We feel inadequate and make excuses - time, family, job, not knowing how, not being up to it. I also feared how I would sound to others, what they'd think. And the "who am I to be doing this" mentality.

Now I see that I gain so much more when I step out in faith, and that I give up nothing. I see that He can and does entirely prepare me for what I'm meant to do. None of it has to come just from me. I don't need to be equal to any task because He's the ultimate Partner. It's His work so the outcome is assured anyway!

I believe. I see that my part is to continue to make responsible choices and that I've been doing that. I can be proud of that. I see the rewards of that in my life now, and that more are coming. I see that ultimately, all I most truly want is coming into my life. If I don't get this job I so want, there will be something greater in store for me. I can absolutely count on that because I've surrendered all outcomes to God, all of myself. This allows Him to arrange things according to my highest good and our contract. My heart is in the right place because I fully acknowledge that He knows the best way to the best and final outcome, sees it clearly and I don't. And so I live in obedience and do all that is before me to do. I still see that I'm far from perfect and only human, but I see that I'm "becoming." Instead of dwelling on my shortcomings like I used to, I work to overcome them without self condemnation. I don't dwell on the negative, I work to change all into positives through His power and grace in me and my life. If it's not this job, then there's something better in store for me and I know that now. And in the meantime I will continue to learn and grow as I cope and have to rely on Him. I have nothing to fear. I am truly moving forward and blossoming. I can see and feel it. God will continue to provide and care for me and my truest and most important needs. Somehow. And I don't need to know the how. I am doing my part, and that's all I need to do or know. He can be fully trusted to do His. I can hold my head up despite still being dependent on others for help, behind in my bills, and on food stamps. Because I am truly doing the most important things, doing my part, being responsible to Him, others, and with my time, actions, and choices.

Only One Prayer Needed

Tonight I was very fortunate to learn a new lesson the easy way. Some of you know I've enrolled in college, taking my courses online through a Christian university. I chaffed at having to take a Bible literature class but it's been a huge blessing and I'm only in week 3 of 8. It's been answering some questions I've had for a long time about how to take the Old Testament. Also, why some books were excluded from the Bible, and how true some of the translations are. Tonight I was dutifully reading one of the three books for the course even though the reading won't affect my grade on the quiz this week. While reading, the lesson came to me. This is because I'm open to them. I've been open for quite some time, which is part of why I didn't want to take a class in this. I keep getting answers and guidance straight from God. And as many of you have experienced, man can really mess up His stuff. But as I've said, I'm very grateful already for this class and what I'm learning. This time it was a huge lesson.

As background, you know I've been searching for a job. You know I've surrendered all to God and my faith and belief is now growing by leaps and bounds. But you know, I'm still human and I still make mistakes. So I asked a pagan friend for help in manifesting a certain job I really want and he agreed to call in his forces for me. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing when I asked this. I wasn't thinking that he would be calling on forces other than God. I really don't know what I was thinking. But the message from the reading was that this is wrong - we are simply to rely on God. I got it immediately, especially because the word "paganism" appeared on the page. So the first thing I did, of course, was tell God I realize I was wrong. Because all you or I need is Him. Ultimately, He's fully in charge. Just before that I was thinking about Obama and Romney. Neither are in charge, even the one elected. People get so wrapped up in and emotional about politics and it's all of man, therefore all an illusion!

I told God that I want only Him in charge of whether I get this job. I immediately thought of my long-held question about prayer because I realized all you need do is pray to Him. And it only takes one prayer, one person praying fully from heart. I started getting answers immediately but I also took the step to ask Archangel Michael to block all other influence, made it clear that my total reliance is on God alone. So since it only takes one prayer, why keep praying? Why ask others to pray? I always think of the Bible passage, "Whenever two or more of you are gathered in My Name, there I am in the midst of you." I forget where in the New Testament that is, or what translation I just quoted. Probably Revised Standard Version, the one I'm most familiar with. By the way, I now know from this class that it's not a very true translation, that I'm better off reading my New International Version. I also know what other versions I wish to get once I truly get back into studying and learning that book. After this class, depending on my workload, I'll be ready. Because it's also teaching us why the Old Testament is structured as it is and how to comprehend it.

The reasons why it's good to pray about something more than once are: every time you pray completely from your heart, you connect with God and further the relationship; and you further set your intent about the prayer matter and galvanize yourself into action. It also gives Him further opportunities to give you insights if you need them. But the connection is the biggest thing. The reasons why it's good to pray for others are: it totally expands your heart, connection to them, connection to God, and ability to love. The reasons why it's good to ask others to pray for you are: it gives them the opportunity to connect with God, and with you, gives them the opportunity to be givers without cost, strengthens their ability to love. All of this is about creating Oneness. As far as that Bible quote, it's describing the Oneness. Of course He's in the midst since He's inside each of us. But it speaks of the Oneness.

I am truly letting go of the outcome regarding this job. He is showing me so much as far as supply, and that He always works for my greater and highest good. I live in mission, have a contract with Him created before I incarnated. That is my highest will and good. I fully realize that what I consider a need and the timing is not necessarily in alignment with that contract. I think about the job with LensCrafters I really wanted a few months ago. I walked out of the interview guaranteed an immediate interview with the regional manager, so was pretty sure I was on the short list for this job. And I've never heard from them again. The guy hasn't even returned my phone calls! That's not having the rug pulled out from underneath me - it was yanked! It shook me up so much that I went into crisis and thought I was going to have to give up and move out of state, give up my home and many of the things I love. Instead, I was led to eventually surrender all. Everything has been in exciting motion ever since. At first, it was a bit slow, but it's so quickly gathered momentum. You can look back at the blogs and see this.

I'm not some super-Christian or person. Nothing is happening to me that can't happen to you. All I did was set my intent to follow God two years ago and all it entails, and stick with it. There's a lot in that "all it entails." I've been willing to face every flaw in myself. Every time I'm uncomfortable in my life or relationships, I've paid attention and looked within myself. Then I've put it to prayer, gotten help when needed. Now I don't seem to need help from others. All it takes is prayer and intent. I've also been willing to face every issue from my past, learn and heal. I've learned all I can and pray daily. I actively tend my spiritual life as my number one goal every day. I make time for God, prayer, reflection. I listen for the guidance and then take action based on it. I've been actively open and seeking.

As a result, I've been able to see Him at work in my life. I see all the inner good that came out of not getting the job with LensCrafters. If I get the job I want now, I will also be in a much better daily environment than I would have been there. There's nothing wrong with LensCrafters and it was a wonderful opportunity that I really wanted to manifest. But this current job prospect is much more in alignment with who I am, my skills, how I relate to people, and my spirit and philosophy. If I don't get this job, I'm sure I'll feel very disappointed and upset at first. I so want it! But if I don't get it, I trust God now, that He has something more fitting in store for me. I know He won't leave me without what I need. I know eventually I'll have the income and supply I need to thrive in all areas of my life. I know that ultimately the mission and contract are the most important things. I renew that verbally, my understanding and acceptance of that, every day. So if it's not this job, I will accept His will with gratitude, and wait for the adventure to further unfold.

By the way, He's showing me His Hand in every little way in my life. Just recently, every time I identify a need it's being fulfilled. These are all small things but I never fail to notice in gratitude and thank Him. That builds and strengthens that relationship and my faith and belief. It also strengthens my excitement in the now for what my future holds - this grand adventure.

Loving Fully Without Attachments - the Kingdom of Heaven

This is very new for me, in the realm of male/female relationships. I'm learning what it feels like and how to deal with the feelings and reality. It's what truly unconditional love is all about. It's the ultimate in letting go of the outcome, of loving fully just because you do, for the sake of loving. It's a reflection of how God loves us.

I am so blessed with those in my life who love me in this way. In the past, most of the love that came my way very much included attachments. I still have some in my life who try to attach to me. I find that I have to distance myself from them and limit our contact. I can't maintain a closeness with those people any more, can't allow the attachments. I've come so far! November seems to be a very pivotal month for me, I realized. A year ago this month I moved into this house. My first child was born in November, 31 years ago. Two years ago I entirely ended my relationship with my now ex husband, and that mutual attachment. I completely started my life over, and it's been a wild ride. But I've come so far! Two years ago my heart and spirit were very damaged, as was my sense of self. I couldn't cry, my heart was too closed off. I was dealing with rage because I'd taken on the sole care of my abusive and clinging mother, who sought to possess and objectify me my whole life. I had to break that hold, forgive, and get rid of the rage.

What I'm left with is the ability to love unconditionally in all my relationships. As I said, I've come so far! It started with my children and my friends. The more I connected with God and my true self, became my true self, it emerged. The more I healed the more my heart entirely opened. I've always had a huge heart and capacity for love. I grew up loving and caring more than anyone else I knew. I could feel the feelings and needs of others way more than I could feel my own. I hurt for and joyed for others more than myself, more than anyone around me. I knew I was different. Even a child can tell. But as an adult my choices of mates muted much of that, as did most of my other relationships. I became fearful and protective of myself, and closed off much of who and what I am. I also tried to be other than myself to blend in and cope. I really shut myself off in many ways.

It's very hard to describe where I was two years ago, mentally and emotionally. I had a mild case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for one thing. That lasted until nearly a year ago, thanks to still having my mother in my house. It was only after she was gone for awhile and I knew she wasn't coming back that I was able to relax and overcome it. For more than 10 years I lived with never knowing when my body or spirit would be taken over, intruded on, violated. I only knew it would, and would happen frequently. This represents the ultimate in attachment.

So back to loving fully without attachments. I'm back to the overflowing, fully open heart, but with a huge difference these days. I no longer attach to the person or outcome. It's fairly easy with my children. They're fully functioning, successful, independent adults with lives and goals of their own. Because of the attachments placed on me by my mother, I absolutely never attached to their outcomes. I raised them with standards of behavior and set an example of caring for others, but never with expectations. I've loved them fully without attaching to their lives. We're very connected and that's different. A fully open heart without attachments creates a very powerful connection. Love begets love and unconditional love begets unconditional love. So I get back what I give, and we have beautiful and mutually respectful relationships. I relate to them as adults, but with the added, beautiful history of having raised them. It's the closest bond of all - again, a reflection of God.

One of the beautiful people in my life is Rebekah Gamble. She was the one who brought my attention to the theme of loving fully without attachment. Until then, I was experiencing it without recognition. We had a very affirming conversation about this weeks ago, and the theme keeps coming up. The more I interact with her and others like her, the more my heart expands and the love flows. The more I love in this way, the more I'm able to. I've also begun to be more aware of it and understand it better. Now it's in the realm of male/female for me. I have that overflowing heart for a gentleman I know. I wish I were the one for him and vice versa but I know we're not. So I have all this unconditional love in a conditional relationship - I love him fully and would do just about anything for him. And I absolutely cannot attach to him or the outcome, or I would lose and violate the relationship we have. I find myself in unique territory here. In adult male/female relationships attachments are usually formed - marriage, living together, fidelity, etc. Here I am, loving this way, yet knowing none of this will happen. So I am learning the very valuable lesson of how to give this love truly unconditionally yet fully, to change all the "rules" of this type of relationship. Fortunately, I have Rebekah as a sounding board and for grounding. When I hurt, I can turn to her for understanding, and clarity as needed. And for some empathy. I will tell you that fully open heart loving can be very painful, but is so worth it. I've tried both ways and can tell you this is much better. Now I am fully myself and live in my truth. I put my whole self out there and flow the love, and what comes back is amazing. It doesn't necessarily come back in the form I want it from any specific person the love flows to. You've heard "object of my affections" and that's so true and where things go so wrong. There can't be an "object!" You just have to put the love out there without expectations of return. Whatever you put out there you definitely get back. So the more love you put out the more you get back. You just never know from whom, from what direction. I have so many wonderful people in my life who love me in the right way, because of the love I put out there. Most comes directly from those I flow the love to, friends and family. And that is so much more than enough. Not all I want from whom I want, but so sustaining and so much more than enough for my needs. (Remember, I was the very unloved, unwanted child so I know the difference.)

Loving fully is the way to go. That overflowing heart is glorious. My normal state is that open heart, bursting with love for everyone I cherish in my life. And I truly cherish so many that I can't really count them any more. That overflowing heart means I live my life in love and gratitude. It's a rich state with so much feeling and being. It totally connects me to God, and those around me. Those I cannot love in this way, who are not especially dear to me because of their clinging and dramas, at least have my full compassion and understanding. I have boundaries with them, without judgment. All this love is a great source of excitement and adventure in my life. I never know who I'm going to get to interact with in any given day or way. Having no attachment connected to the love means it flows freely and easily, both ways. It creates such a high vibration that at times my body feels the humming, and my spirit usually does. It makes me open to God, creativity, and life. And so much of beauty flows in my direction - from God, others, animals, angels - all around me. And I'm blessed with new people coming into my life all the time. These are people who enhance my life and my self, who respect and care for me. What I'm sowing is so richly being reaped in the now.

This is what the coming shift is about and I see I've already begun my own shift, am fairly well there. The shift will mean the end of trying to have power over others, the end of attachments. It will be the end of grasping and fear of loss, hoarding love and goods, possessions. It will be an entirely new way of being and relating (entirely new for most people). It will be the last of conquest over others, of trying to control others and outcomes. It will truly be about living in and trusting the flow, the truest forms of positive manifestation. It will be living in the energy and vibration of unconditional and freely flowing love. Glorious, awesome adventure!!!!

Miracles and Perspective

Many of you wonder why miracles happen to others and not to you. I used to feel the same way. Now I realize that it's all a matter of perspective and a choice. Tonight I experienced a major miracle with lessons involved.

I decided to hard boil some eggs, something I don't normally do. Usually I'm cooking something I'm going to eat right away. Therefore I'm in the kitchen while the food is cooking. This time I intended to use them later to make tuna salad, and forgot about them. A friend had recently given me a can of tuna, and I was looking forward to using it. While the water was coming up to a boil, I got involved in something else. So one lesson is to keep my mind in the present, on the task at hand. After I got distracted I decided to take a half hour power nap. I set the alarm and when it went off I reset it - twice. One of those times I noticed a funny smell, but dismissed it. I was so sleepy that it simply didn't bother me enough to wake me fully. Another lesson here is not to get so burnt out from mismanaging my time that I could be that easily distracted, or that sleepy during the day. Finally, about two minutes before the alarm went off, the smoke alarm awoke me.

The biggest lesson of all was the miracle and what went into it. When I moved into this house a year ago, I located the smoke detectors. Then I forgot about them until last week. Every time I got to sleep last week, they started a soft beeping. It annoyed me enough to notice but not enough to get up, and only happened a few times. The noise persisted all week until I relocated the detectors and put in new batteries. Thanks to the smoke detectors, I just had a little mess to clean up. The fan was handy and it's not too cold out, so I was able to get most of the smoke out without chilling the house. It was scary in retrospect but just a bit of a mess to clean up - mostly the pan. However, I have a product that really works on that too, so it will be fine.

There are many different ways of looking at this incident. Whether you detect miracles in your life depends on your perspective. And the more you recognize them, the more you receive them because you're open and expecting them. Some would have blamed the friend for the can of tuna. I wouldn't have been boiling eggs if he hadn't given me tuna. Some would have been dwelling on what could have happened. That either leads to excess worry, or stress, or trauma, or self-doubts. One person I know would be reiterating that his memory just isn't any good anymore, which is self-perpetuating. Yet he doesn't nothing to change that - only complains about it despite knowing there's a safe herbal supplement he can take to give his body what it needs to help.

I immediately recognized that I was saved by God. I realized immediately that I'd just replaced the batteries, and that therefore the alarm sounded just in time to prevent real disaster. I would have awakened before the whole house was on fire, so I wasn't saved from death or injury. But there could have been damage to the house that would have caused me to lose my home, since it's a rental. For us, that would have been true disaster. Part of how I know it was God was that the alarms weren't reacting in character for a low battery. Usually they beep much more frequently and annoyingly when it's time to change the battery. This was just enough to get my attention, only at night, not during the day. I know enough now to understand that it's God's Hand when these unusual things happen. I also know now how He works, sets things in motion ahead of our needs. And to me, that's nothing short of miraculous! I am so very grateful. And, I'm doing my part. I paid attention and replaced the batteries. I did it in a timely manner. The reason it took all week was that I forgot there was a second one and kept fooling with the batter on the first one. I'm also doing my part in that I've taken note of the lessons of staying in the moment and not getting so burnt out. Miracles are also less likely to happen if we aren't paying attention and doing our part.

Life is an Awesome Adventure

"Awesome" and "adventure" have become the biggest words in my life these days. I see where the "wilderness" of being jobless has been such an opportunity, and not a wilderness at all, for one thing. I've learned so much during this time, and have never been alone, like "wilderness" would imply. At first, I would be in dire need and then some supply would come. I never knew where it was coming from on the physical plane, but it kept coming in the nick of time. Recently it's started coming just ahead of need, or as soon as I identify the need. Eventually I saw the pattern, and that's part of the adventure. It's very exciting now. I never know what's going to happen next. For a long time I never knew what each day would bring - who I'd be called upon to help in what way. That was exciting in itself. But I felt burdened by the struggle to survive. Now I've entirely changed my attitude and perspective. As a result, I dwell in a state of gratitude, awe, and adventure. I no longer fear, although I do still get frustrated. When I get frustrated, I eventually remember to stop and pray, and it helps right away. The only time I stay frustrated is when I forget to take it to God. That one is still new to me. I used to doing that with my needs, wants, and fears, but not frustrations. But frustration is a form of, so it too benefits from surrender and prayer.

Tonight I was frustrated because I formatted a school paper as required, but the formatting disappeared. Last week I spent considerable time in the "help" section of Word 2010, trying to figure out how to achieve the desired formatting. It appeared properly in my paper and I saved it in the .docx format required for the class. Yesterday I checked my grade and teacher comments and she noted that I didn't have page numbers or proper formatting! So today I spent several fruitless hours trying to run down how to save my formatting, trying to search the "help" section. If you've ever worked with that, you know how frustrating it can be. Like last week, I finally thought to stop, take a break, and pray about it. I then went back and tried again. This time I thought to search in a different manner based on something that "clicked" in my head when I stopped struggling. And of course, I found the information I needed, as I figured I would. I'm now coming to expect this kind of results. It's not taking God for granted, it's recognizing the pattern of help. I set intent (prayer) and took action (searched again with a clearer mind). I did my part - taking it to God, which helped clear my brain if nothing else. Then I did my next part (searched again).

I am learning and my life is evolving. I've identified the pattern of help and how to get it. The formula is prayer and gratitude, intent and action. I am beginning to see His hand in all areas of my life, to entirely trust Him with all my needs and wants. "Take it to the Lord in prayer" has taken on a whole new meaning. When I was religious in the late 1980s, I used to pray endlessly for help, and seeking answers. What I was missing was the intent and action. I didn't truly believe I'd get answers, was praying from desperation rather than faith. And I really didn't know God very well. I was rather rooted in the idea of God from the Old Testament, and all the "shoulds" being spouted by other religious folks. I even had people telling me the specific formula for how prayers should be said! Let me tell you, He doesn't require formality. In fact, He doesn't even require you to verbalize it. If your heart is turning to Him in love or need, that's all He needs to hear. I connect so much better when I simply talk with Him than in formal prayer. The formality can get in the way of relationship, which is what it's really about.

Part of the adventure is that I never know who I'll be interacting with each day. Part is that I never know when or how my needs are going to be met. Part is seeing some of my wants met too. Part is getting answers to things I've wondered about for so long. Part is never knowing what messages I'm going to receive. All I know at the start of a day is that I will - to all of it. The great excitement is seeing what, when, who, how, and where. It's also very exciting to look back and see all the changes, and how rapidly they're coming now. I live in anticipation, but in the moment - in gratitude for the moment with excitement for my future. What it took to get to where I am is to see the pattern and adjust my attitude. Now I'm focused on the grandness of the journey. Now I understand that a big part of what we're to do on earth is to experience, and I'm so enjoying the experience. I used to think that Hell was life on earth, vs. Heaven, which happens after. Now I'm beginning to see how we can truly experience Heaven on earth.