Apple Butter Time

I'm writing this on Sunday to post on Monday, because I have to scoot out early on Monday. I'm going to the home of a very special & powerful new friend who's helping me with healing, learning, growing, & manifestation. Then I'm going to one of my beloved Reiki Exchanges with my favorite group of people, & taking my new friend to meet them. I've felt like I've been on vacation since Wednesday. That day I enjoyed this woman's hospitality & ministrations for the first time, then went on to meet up with my group & meet Doreen Virtue! The next day I shopped & took myself out for sushi. It's amazing what a new, totally clean & smell-free kitchen garbage can will do for a girl! Then I read a great novel all night, then remotely (as from the comfort of my couch) participated in a manifestation ceremony. Saturday I went to the Groundhog Club annual picnic, where Punxsutawney Phil receives a drink of Groundhog Punch. It's done there at Gobblers Knob & the drink gives him 7 more years of life. He's 125 years old as it is & I always joke that he can never die even if he wanted to since they add 7 more years to his life with that annual drink of punch. He's the star of the show but I was the belle of the ball. The picnic is one of my 2 annual holidays including Groundhog Day, which is close to a week of seasonal events for me, much like Christmas holidays for most people. I always go to the Club banquet the night before Groundhog Day, as I have a Club chapter & know most of the Inner Circle members, am on friendly terms with all. I haven't seen any of them since February, so yesterday was lots of fun. I've lost a lot of fat since they last saw me, & I was one sad little girl in February. That's when everyone became aware of my pending divorce & circumstances, & I passed my wedding anniversary explaining it all. (I was married on Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, & the current president of the Inner Circle stood up for me & had Phil at the wedding as a surprise. I'd been told he wouldn't be able to attend.) So yesterday was my chance to show off the new me - happier than I've ever been, over the shock & back on my feet & better than ever. Speaking of belle of the ball, I was shocked that the mayor of Punxsutawney remembered me from performing our wedding ceremony 6 1/2 years ago. I've only seen him from afar since my wedding, but he attended the picnic this year. I always thought my former spouse, at 6'3" & about 350 lb, always dressed in Hawaiian shirts when going formal, was the memorable one. I told the mayor I forgave him for marrying me, & that I'm now divorced. We had a good laugh. I was honored that as he was leaving the picnic, he made a point of coming over to me to say it had been good to see me again! The Punxsutawney Groundhog Club Inner Circle are some of the nicest men in the world & it's always a real treat to hang out with them. They've been very kind to me, very tolerant of my enthusiasm for all things groundhog. The mayor & the Inner Circle are typical of the kind of friendly people I've found in Punxsutawney, which is why I moved to this area.

This afternoon I stopped to do something at the kitchen sink & saw a doe just out back eating windfall apples. After she left I picked one & took a bite, then took bags out & picked 5 large bags full. That was a huge delight in itself. I've had 1-2 apple trees in my yard (first Maryland, then here) for 11 years now & have never picked them. My ex declared them inedible, so we enjoyed watching the deer & groundhogs eat them while in Maryland. But my landlord's son said these apples make great apple sauce recently, so I've just been waiting for them to ripen. Last year I bought apples from a friend, who gave me a terrific apple butter recipe. I needed to find my soup pots & by the time I found them, everything was "hitting the fan" here & I didn't get to make the apple butter. So even as I speak, my canning jars are being sterilized in the dishwasher in preparation. I haven't canned in about 25 years but still have canning jars because I always figured I would again. Back then I made grape jelly from my backyard grapes. I've never made apple butter before but my first attempt at jelly was terrific & my first attempt at canning a great success. I'm a connoisseur of apple butter, so I know this will be great. Also, my beloved Grandma will be helping me. I don't remember her ever canning but she's with me all the time now when I practice the old fashioned arts & I so enjoy her presence. I've spoken of her before. Yes, she's been deceased since 1985, but these days she's with me a lot, especially as I redecorate my home with her furniture & things.

Back to apple butter. Most years from about 2001 or so through 2008, we went to the Berkeley Springs, WV Apple Butter Festival both days. We loved it so much, one day wasn't enough, & we always bought the warm apple butter made in a huge copper pot in the square. That was our favorite. So I know just how I want this to taste & will adjust the recipe if it's not coming out that way. I'm so excited to be making my own, from my own apples. So, when you come to my B&B, I'll serve you some of my homemade apple butter, if you'd like. And if you like it, I'll have jars for sale that you can take home. Part of what came of the manifestation ceremony is that I'm going to turn my enclosed breezeway with separate entrance into a small shop. That will give me organized space for all my products so they'll be set up & out where we can easily get to them. I have wanted a shop of my own in my home for most of my adult life, so another dream is about to come true. This space will be much smaller than I'd envisioned but it's somewhat the way it always appeared in my mind. I pictured a door from the house to that room, it's own entrance, & that it would be on the left side when you face the house. All that is true of the breezeway. So I have to say that I'm totally loving my life & home, & that I'm now starting a second very exciting week in a row. Fall is always my favorite time (except when Spring rolls around) & it's becoming very Fall-like here already. It always stirs my creativity, & I already feel it starting!

New Service Announcement

I'm watching a busy hummingbird outside my office window, enjoying the sunlight & my hazelnut coffee with half & half. I'm writing this now to prolong the enjoyment. My whole world is transforming into a place of quiet beauty, cozy & with a feeling of great warmth. I'm taking great pleasure in redecorating my whole house. As I've said, I'm getting rid of most of the things that had belonged to my ex husband's family. I'm replacing them with space, & things that once belonged to my beloved grandparents & things I've acquired over the years.

My landlord wants me to stay here until spring at least & that changes my focus from moving to Pittsburgh as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I'd truly started nesting here. It's been a summer of cool temperatures & I've been able to enjoy the outdoors & the beauty of the land. I've enjoyed the lovely wooden deck, which is multilevel. I outfitted my antique glider with cushions to make it a comfy place to put my feet up & enjoy the outdoors from the highest point on my deck. I look out to a front yard full of trees, across a lane to a hay field full of wild animals, like my beloved groundhogs.

The other day I was given the idea to bring people here since I don't seem to be moving to Pittsburgh any time soon. The idea is to have a B&B service here, where people can come for Reiki treatments or attunements, quiet rest, life coaching or other services, lessons if they want. My intention has been to attract people to my home for the services I offer, knitting circles, classes, & such when I thought I'd be in Pittsburgh by Fall. The idea of having people come & stay for several days came about thinking that not everyone is game for the drive back to Pittsburgh at night, & that if a class or service was needed (like Reiki) over a 2 or 3 day span, having to go back & forth would be daunting for most people. I can teach knitting, crocheting, painting, just about any craft or art, including the art of Pysanky eggs. I'm about 1 1/2 hours from Pittsburgh, but actually a world apart. I'll vacate the master bedroom suite when people come. It's spacious & private with a full bath attached & a private balcony overlooking the back yard, trees, & pasture. It has a luxurious new pillow top Sealy Posturepedic Concierge mattress & box spring & luxurious Egyptian cotton sheets. The furniture is beautiful - an antique set that belonged to my grandparents. The artwork in the room is restful & I'm going to have the 10 gallon aquarium full of fish again - neons mostly. The bubbling sounds are very soothing. I have CDs from classical to 40s jazz to oldies to easy listening to soothing sounds. There's also a TV & DVD player. The living room is comfortable & cozy & has a fireplace. I'll serve 3 meals & snacks & beverages catered to the tastes & needs of guests. People can experience amenities like homemade bath salts in a variety of scents for a variety of needs, flax seed face pillows, linen sprays, etc. And since I make & sell these products, they can take home whatever they need. They can also learn how to make their own bath salts, learn about some of the oils & their uses. In season, I have a variety of fresh herbs to use in cooking, & can do healthy meals or just plain old-fashioned country cooking. I can even teach you to make my famous Amish-type chicken corn soup. Depending on when you come, I could also be making & canning apple butter, jelly or preserves. I'll be spinning my own yarn, knitting or crocheting, & painting. You're welcome to come watch or participate, & of course bring your own hobbies to work on. Friends & family who've come to visit in the last 6 years or so have commented on how peaceful it is. They haven't wanted to leave. In fact, my last visitor was going to stay for 6 days & ended up staying for 8. The only reason she left then was that she absolutely had to get back. That visit was to this house. Most of the others were to the house outside of Hagerstown. Eventually I figured out that the place is only a small part of the peace, healing, & calm people find when they stay with me. The main thing is the atmosphere & lifestyle I've created. Spending a few days in my home is like a full vacation elsewhere as far as benefit & relaxation. The master bedroom has a double bed & I also have a luxury double bed sized (yeah right - 2 very small people) platform air mattress, & the master bedroom has room for that too. So a couple could come with kids, or I could even host a small group. I so love slumber parties! I do them better than anyone I know! You'll see in a future blog that my kids & I used to do them all the time. 

I believe I'll be ready to start hosting guests in September, October at the latest. I'm having the best time redecorating & planning. Each room is turning into a space of joy, warmth, peace, healing, & love for me. I invite you to join me here.

Decorating, Feeling & Healing with Colors

I like bright yellow walls in the kitchen because that was my grandma's kitchen & it's so cheerful, promotes good feelings & creativity. My favorite color for living rooms is something I call "candlelight." It's the slightly yellow tinged color of 40 - 60 watt light bulbs of old, the color cast by kerosene lanterns. The only time I've seen this paint was by Sherwin Williams & I so wish I'd saved the name of the color. I've used many different interior wall paints over the years & nothing matched the beauty, true color, & durability of Sherwin Williams paints. You get what you pay for! My favorite colors in the bedroom are light blues & variations on turquoise & sea green. These are beautiful, restful, healing colors. If you rent & can't paint, you have to find other ways to promote the colors you want in your rooms & environment. You can use fabric choices in furniture & rugs, curtains or blinds, pillows, throws, artwork, tools on display, baskets or other containers.

Color makes a huge difference. Personally, Breezy just reminded me that I surround myself with black - cats, that is. Often when I write my blogs, I have to stop & cuddle her or she'll walk on my keyboard. When I talk about home maintenance, I no longer have kids at home but have cats to clean up after. Color choices should be a mixture of preference & science. I love little black dresses & cats but teal & hot pink are my favorite colors, in combination or separately. Next I love all blues & blue/greens from royal & peacock on down to the palest. I like all shades of pink, & earthy greens but not yellow greens or true green like the crayon. Earthy greens have some brown in them. I shy away from much black & white, & especially from brown & orange. That said, here's usable information on colors.

Red can be the color of aggression, of action. Fast food places use red to get you in & out of there fast. It's also the color of passion. I don't use much red, & hot pink can have the good effects of red without the aggression. One of the good effects is warmth. In healing, use red to bring warmth & burn out disease. Red is a powerful color & should be used in moderation. Yellow induces creativity, mental energy, clear thinking, & happiness. It helps promote success, business communication, & your powers of persuasion, so is especially good used in your office or kitchen. In healing use yellow to promote clarity of thought, help with your sense of personal power, feelings of self-worth. Orange combines the energy of red & the happiness of yellow. Orange is friendly & welcoming. It provides emotional energy that you can give to others, including compassion, passion, & genuine warmth. It promotes happiness & optimism, helps balance general well being, & broadens your mind to cope with your life & work. Orange is the best emotional stimulant. It increases self-esteem & confidence, & strengthens your sense of identity. Orange is the color of creativity, ambition & drive. It stimulates creative thinking & enthusiasm, the willingness to embrace new ideas with enjoyment, & a sense of exploration & creative play. In healing orange may increase immunity & sexual energy. Brown gives you a feeling of relaxation & home coming. It makes you feel cozy, safe & warm. Green promotes balance, luck, prosperity, abundance, vitality & fertility. It is stabilizing & calming. Green is the color of healing & growth, & is beneficial in all healing situations. Blue induces serenity & peace. It slows human metabolism & produces a calming effect, so is great for a bedroom, when you want your body to slow for the night. Blue stimulates appreciation of music & the arts, opens the mind to realities beyond the physical senses, & creates peace of mind & harmony of spirit. In healing blue is used for cooling & calming, both physically & mentally. Purple blends red & blue, is a combination of liveliness & tranquility, which promotes creative energy. Purple is the color of dignity & self-respect, so it imparts determination & feelings of being in control, clears the mind of negative influences, calms nervousness & relieves stress. In healing, purple is used for mental disorders & also for becoming one with Spirit. Black is the absence of color. Its visualization can help promote deep meditation. White is associated with truth, purity, cleansing, healing, & protection. It is good for new beginnings, enthusiasm, clarity of purpose, spiritual insights, & inspiration. Strictly speaking, white is not a color, but the manifestation of the presence of all color - the complete energy of light. That said, white is the perfect color; for it is all colors, in perfect balance & harmony. It is a good general healing color for the removal of pain & suffering. The color white heals the body, mind, & spirit at all levels. Gold is the most powerful healing color, but so powerful that many are not able to stand it initially & must be conditioned to it via other colors. Most of you aren't going to be using colors in healing but I've included the information because understanding the science can help guide your color choices.

How to Create a Home that Meets Your True Needs

Please make sure you've read the blog from yesterday before you read this one! Base your makeover on your goals & ask yourself important questions as you go along. You need to decide on your main purpose for each room. What atmosphere do you want? What feelings do you want from the room? What do you want to use each room to promote or do? My bedroom has to be beautiful, peaceful, restful, smell good, & induce sleep. I used to go to bed & worry about things. My mind would race, it would be hard to get to sleep, & my sleep would be fitful. One of my solutions was to face things during the day so they wouldn't haunt me as I tried to shut down my mind for sleep. Another was a small fish tank, which provides a gentle night light if I wish, fish to watch as I wind down, & the gentle sound of the bubbles & filter. I also hung paintings & prints with beaches, lighthouses, & waterfalls, which are peaceful & calming. These were especially important when I'd awaken too soon & have trouble falling back asleep. I have objects of comfort from childhood visits to Grandma's house too, to help bring back those feelings of love, warmth, & safety. I'm also very susceptible to pleasing & unpleasing scents, so having one of my favorite scents in every room (lavender, which in itself is very calming, or a calming blend) is important to me. There are so many ways to do that - reed infusers, potpourri, candles, oil warmers, etc. People with pets or small children need to always choose these with special care! My office has to be functional but also pleasing so I'll linger & work & not be drained. Things need to be convenient for my use but also pleasing to my senses. Most of all, it can't be so cluttered that it makes it difficult for me to function. I keep my rooms & belongings uncluttered & contained, keep things put away. That way I can easily go straight to work on whatever I wish or need to do without cleaning up & out first. I can also put my hands on whatever tools I need. It only takes a moment to put them away afterwards. Right now I find myself in the same boat as a guy who's going to hire me to organize for him. I can't paint or do anything in my studio & can barely walk through my dining room. This is exactly what you don't want in your home, but can be a temporary byproduct of your whole house cleansing. That's part of why I recommend doing it room by room. Most people don't have an entire household of excess furniture, clothing, office supplies, keepsakes, & possessions to get rid of. In my defense, my household has gone from 3 to 1 in less than a year & they both left everything behind for me to deal with. I tell you this for 3 reasons - back to if I can do it you can do it, to tell you that I totally understand the job I'm recommending you do, & to reassure you that it doesn't usually result in other rooms becoming unuseable as you're redoing one.

Another room example is my studio. The main purpose of my office is functionality. The main purpose of my studio is functionality with a creative atmosphere, ideas & inspirations to surround me. It needs especially to have things that make me feel good, mixed with things that bring out my childlike joy & nature. I use Boy Scout popcorn tins at the back of my work table to store supplies because the scenes on them delight the creative & child parts of me. All my things in that room were chosen for that reason, down to the color of my scissors & the little bins I keep things in, the clock on the wall, my portable storage cabinets. My kitchen is functional & homey because that's the way I cook. My living room is kind of a cross between my bedroom & my studio. I have baskets of needlework handy & whatever my latest hand-made project is. It's warm & comfortable, but also has the needed electronics for music, TV, movies, etc. It's designed for personal comfort, lounging, & casual entertaining. In this house, the front door opens straight into the dining room & open kitchen at the end so my dining room is rather unique. I'm selling the huge, heavy, ponderous dining room table & hutch that I never use. I'll buy a rectangular kitchen table with 4 chairs & tuck it in so it doesn't seem out of place when you walk in the door. The kitchen cabinets simply end abruptly where the carpeted dining room begins, so I have a spice rack at the end of one side & a small hutch will be at the end of the other. Beside the spice rack is a bookcase for cookbooks & my spiritual library. Next to that I have a gorgeous antique writing desk from my grandparents. Next is one kitchen chair to set purses or whatever, some open space, then right behind the door, a standing wardrobe because there's no coat closet here. So the dining room is being designed to make the transition from front door to kitchen a smooth one, & will serve as a combination eating area, kitchen extension, & study. There are plenty of ways to make spaces work for you.

Your goal should also be that you can easily maintain each room. Remember - perfect isn't cozy, but neither is clutter. "Less is more" better, truly! (Sorry, I had to say it that way - it'll make you think.) Also, always ask yourself whether you really want to dust that before you clutter your surfaces. I collect cat & Punxsutawney Phil things & baskets. I use the baskets throughout my home to decorate with functionality. I use them to keep tools like nail files, cat combs, & clippers handy, hold magazines, etc. I try to stick to functional knick knacks too. I have a cat tape dispensers & cat mugs in my office that hold pens & rubber bands. I use one of those hand exercise rubber balls in the top of the rubber band mug to keep my cats out of them, & store it where it's handy. Also, organize creatively -use bins, furniture with secret hidden storage, closets, shelves, baskets, & glass enclosed cases or cabinets for your knick knacks or collections (or as I said, use them functionally throughout your home). It's also important to pick colors (tomorrow's blog), fabrics, flooring, rugs, & furnishings you can easily maintain.

My best maintenance strategies are: clean spills when they happen, clean as you go - as you see something, combine trips, & put things away from room to room as you go, plus music, & play house. All but the last 2 have to do with daily maintenance that only takes a minute but really saves you a lot of work in the long run. If you get into the habit of doing these things, weekly cleaning is less of a chore or mostly already done. Personally, I don't like to go clean house room by room each week. I prefer to maintain per room as I see the need. Then I don't have a day or two devoted to nothing but. I also space things out. I'm not going to clean the entire refrigerator, oven, & appliances in one day unless I'm upset about something or just feel like blending one into the other. I use mental games too, & music. Sometimes I pretend I'm a child playing house. Music that makes you feel good & want to move is great for exercise & household cleaning & chores. You can pretend company is coming (you are!) or reward yourself with something special afterwards.

The thing is, your home setting influences your energy down to the last detail, & it all matters. You notice whether you're aware of it or not. Once you've ordered your home environment to meet your needs with intentional choices, it's much easier to maintain & want to maintain. You'll notice it makes a huge difference in your life. It then allows you to take charge of all other aspects of your life.

The Importance of Creating a Home that Meets Your True Needs

Your home is your sanctuary. We know that word from churches, yet we don't consider our bodies or our homes as temples, as it says in the Bible. If you look at the true meaning of the word "sanctuary" you find it's a place of refuge & safety. Most of us don't order or maintain it as such. Our homes tend to reflect our lives - often cluttered, dirty, untended or cared for. Maintaining our homes usually comes last & least & is a chore rather than a pleasure. Yet it's one of the most important factors in our lives. It's where you take your rest, where you retreat from activities & the outside world. Some of us also conduct many of our activities & business from home, making it a place of total importance.

As I entirely redo the house, I'm making it into a true home. I've moved twice since I've had a home of my own to furnish so when it comes to my belongings & furnishings, I only have what truly suits me. One of the things I'm doing is weeding out all I'd acquired from marriage & inheritance that doesn't suit me. I'm paring down to just what's important to me, sometimes selling things for very little & replacing them with what fits. For example, I sold a huge 3 piece desk set from the business I had with my ex. I bought a beautiful little desk to replace it, which I love. I'm selling a dining room table & hutch, & will buy a kitchen table I want instead. I sold a bed & bought a replacement. Other things I'm just plain getting rid of & not replacing. I'm downsizing both the size of the pieces of furniture & the number of items. I'm getting rid of the overcrowding & adding space & light. I'm combining my family antiques & antiques I've acquired with more modern pieces that do the job but blend. I'm using silk flowers, wall hangings, colors, scents, space, natural light, aesthetics, & lighting (as in lamps) to create an atmosphere of homeyness, cozy warmth & comfort, peace, joy, & beauty in every part of the inside & outside possible. I even have special wallpaper on my computer, just installed 2 days ago, that makes all the difference. Now when I open my laptop, I see rows & rows of blooming lavender, a vast field. It inspires me, reminds me of what my life is about, where my bliss comes from, reminds me of who & what I am, & reminds me of what it's possible to achieve & attain. Since the computer is vital to my business goals, the wallpaper is an important tool.

Our homes are just as important, especially to women. If you keep up with your home & the chores & arrange your home to be a resource rather than a drain, it makes all the difference. The cozy warmth I'm creating feeds my soul. It promotes creativity, the biggest energy force in my life as an aspect of Divine Life Force Energy. My home invites creative pursuits in every room, induces creative inspiration & activity. (More on that in the next blog.) But only when I keep it clean & in order. Otherwise it's a drain. If I don't keep up with it, everywhere I look I see things I need to do & begin to feel overwhelmed. It's a huge drain. Most of us live like that. Therefore, we have no place of peace & refuge.

I am in the final stages of creating a home that meets my needs & that I can maintain as such. And if I can do it, anyone can! Remember, I'm the original "housework is a waste of my creative time & talents" girl! What it takes is a room by room makeover with your goal in mind. You can do it without spending much, if any, money. Have a yard sale when you're done & buy something you want for your home or sell things on Craigslist. You can also donate & take a tax deduction. If you just tackle one room at a time it's manageable. Next blog, I'll tell you how.

Heroes I Most Admire - Part 2 of 2

The July/August "Saturday Evening Post" magazine is on the same theme. I'll read their articles after I write this. Another set of people I admire are volunteers, no matter what they're doing. They give of their time, energy, themselves for the good of others. I especially admire those who help animals, especially cats because that's where my heart is. Some rescue pets or wildlife, some foster, some adopt or feed strays, some find homes for displaced or dumped pets, some adopt special needs animals that would otherwise be put down, some volunteer at animal shelters, & some help ferals by feeding them daily & getting them neutered. I know many who do these things. I've been involved in some & I can tell you that those who help have the biggest hearts & the hardest part is just that. It's very hard to see what some do to helpless animals. It's very hard not to be able to help & save them all. I understand this better than any other kind of volunteer work so these people are some of the biggest heroes in my mind.

The other biggest group of heroes in my mind have overcome, grown, evolved, have a positive outlook, despite all odds. My daughter & sister are in my top 5 because of these things. I know what they've overcome, so my admiration is built on true knowledge of this. I've gotten to watch my daughter blossom & grow into one of my all time favorite people in the world ever. She & my sister, who I didn't really get to know until she was in her 40s, are 2 of the most beautiful, accomplished women I know. They are strong, radiant, talented & gifted, & they conduct their lives around giving of themselves to others, professionally & personally. They are spiritual, open-minded possibility thinkers who bring creativity & love into all they do. They manage to give love & understanding to some of those most difficult to love & understand. And they do it without being judgmental & without becoming sour on people or suspicious of them. They are hard-working & they aren't quitters, but they recoup with grace & flexibility when needed. Those are all characteristics of triumphant survivors, which defines this category of those I admire.

I admire people like my friend Jane, who has overcome physical handicaps & many emotional set backs. She too never stops, never quits, finds creative ways to make a living & make things work. And she'll happily share with me any & all ideas to help me do the same. I love & admire those who encourage others, like my friend Pam, like Jane, my daughter, my sister, & so many more strong & beautiful people I know (mostly women). My friend Ron falls into that category too though. He's the one who told me, a total stranger, that Reiki would be perfect for me. He'd spent an hour on the phone by then, learning my interests & ambitions, encouraging me with stories of friends with similar talents who'd managed to make a living from their interests. I admire people like Oprah Winfrey & Fran Santi, & I've mentioned this is a blog before. Both used their business to build up people & touched many lives. My friend Sharon goes along with them. Despite the fact that I was in the same area (Annapolis, Maryland) in direct competition in the same sales business (Tupperware), she taught me all the nuances I was missing in order to be a great success & befriended me for life.

Thanks to my Reiki circle & metaphysical events I've attended, I now know more of these supportive, giving people than ever before. I could fill a whole blog just with them. Instead, I'm going to salute the last of the heroes I'm going to mention - Pauline & Bill Jones, the grandparents I keep mentioning. I'm also going to salute Al Schwartz, who was my father's father. I salute him for loving me & his other grandchildren enough to stay connected with me despite the distance of the whole country between us, & keeping me connected to my half-siblings. Most men don't write letters or communicate that well. Grandpa Schwartz used to write me newsy letters full of the doings of my father & half siblings. He was my only source of photos & info, my only real connection. He's #3 in my top 5 most admirable men. My son is #2 & Bill Jones is #1. Grandpa Jones never met a stranger, would truly give anyone in need the shirt off his back. I used to see him in action every time I was around him. Everyone loved him. It was so cool to be known as Bill Jones's granddaughter around their area. Once he took my cousin & me ice skating & he could skate his name in the ice! He used to take us to the Shriner's circuses. Mostly though, he just held me on his lap, talked to me as I'd tag along while he did chores & things, & show endless patience for my childish tricks & games. He loved to show me his tomatoes growing, the horses when we were on one of the family farms. He turned one side of the garage into a playhouse for me, complete with the half working doorbell from the front door he had to replace. My favorite place in the whole world, & the only place of complete safety I ever knew, was on his lap. And he never deemed me too big for his lap, never denied me that comfort & haven. I lost that lap & haven in 1985 but I haven't lost my Grandpa. I've never doubted that he's with me each & every day. I was the daughter he never had (he married my grandmother when my mother was 18, never had kids of his own), the light of his life. He's with me in spirit but I miss him every day. It doesn't hurt like it did at first. You heal & learn to go on, gradually the intensity of the pain lessens, & it also hurts less often. I now sleep in the bed they slept in when I was a child, & it helps. I have their furnishings & things all around me, as the biggest part of my home. These things are the deepest part of me. My taste is mostly theirs, as well as my interests. I'm totally my own person but I must have absorbed them growing up. They were my only role models, & really big ones because of the contrast they provided in my life. Most of the time I don't separately see them within me or my home, but their things around me provide me with that sense of warmth they used to. They also sometimes spark special memories. That bed - I remember back to when I was so little that it took forever to crawl up the foot board & from the foot of the bed to the pillows. I'd snuggle between them & they'd stay in bed a little longer so I could nestle with them. My grandma could make something out of nothing, had a lot of creativity. She was so resourceful, & kept her house so neat & clean. Yet she too was infinitely patient with me & my games. They both taught me all kinds of things while I'd hang around them, watch whatever they were doing. The best times were when she trusted me to help, since she so cared about the outcome. Or they'd find ways to include me with child-sized things. She could make something out of bits of nothing, & would see neat ideas in magazines & make them. From her I learned housekeeping, cooking, baking, as well as that craftiness. I learned to nest, the importance of home & family, & how to work hard & give them your all. She taught me to make that my focus but still have fun & socialize. I learned her flow of work, hobbies, breaks, & social time. I learned how to be the household manager. I am mostly my grandmother through & through. She also passed in 1985, 3 months before Grandpa did, but is with me daily. She loves what I'm doing with the house & my products, especially my face pillows. She sits with me when I sew them & makes it all go smoothly. She also guides me in the kitchen, depending on what I'm making. I haven't said, but what I admire most about her is her resilience & resourcefulness. Her first husband died when her children were 4 & 6. She took care of him & then did all she had to do to survive & support herself. She had a home in the city & had to farm her kids out to relatives in the country, go to work & take in boarders. I don't think my mother ever forgave her for the choices she made & the mistakes. I know she made up for all she could when it came to me, that whenever I was around she mothered me the way she'd wanted to raise her own children & didn't get to. She was an excellent teacher & role model. She's obviously #1 on my list of female heroes, since I'm so proud to be like her! 

Heroes I Most Admire Part 1 of 2

Of course I admire Mother Teresa, firefighters, soldiers, etc. I admire those who have dedicated their lives to helping others. Most of us do. Not everyone admires soldiers, unfortunately. Times are changing but I was a teen during Viet Nam & I know how soldiers were reviled. My first ex is a soldier & so is my only son. Even if that weren't the case, I'd admire soldiers. I admire their families just as much as I admire them, especially their mothers. I can't begin to tell you what it's like to have your child in danger for X number of months in a foreign country, the daily stress & toll that takes on you. My son spent his 18th & then 21st birthdays in Iraq, did 2 tours of duty as a gunner & driver of those armed vehicles, ever on the lookout for IEDs & traps. I admire the strength & courage of each family member & how we/they support our soldiers. We make cookies, send Christmas decorations (his birthday is close to Christmas), send cards & supplies & letters & every little thing we can so they'll have reminders of our love to carry with them. For his first tour I made him sand scarves & sent one around the country like a chain letter to family members so they'd sign it. They passed it from one state to another until it came back to me to send to him. The other one I filled with supportive Bible verses about God's Love & Protection. During his second tour, I made wool helmet liners. I think I sent about 24 total, so that he & his closest friends could have as many as they needed & give the rest to some of the other guys. Both times I sent Christmas decorations & a huge variety of cookies. I sent off boxes of goodies periodically. I wrote to him daily during his first tour, adding a little to a letter each day so I'd have enough to send once or twice a week. That's pretty hard when you lead a very quiet life! The second time was different because we were both different by then & so was our relationship. The second time he didn't want a lot of contact with home, didn't want the reminder & distraction. In many ways that was harder on me because I didn't hear from him as often either. Both times I found creative ways to stay self-comforting. I tied yellow ribbons everywhere. The second time, I painted fireworks, because I wanted to explode when I heard he was going again. Then I painted him as a young boy, on a day we all went out just to play in a stream. I planted peace roses & yellow roses & lilies & snapdragons - yellow in every variety of flower I planted that year. I still have the lilies & snapdragons, since they're perennials. I wore my cross necklace every day, & a locket I bought just before he went the second time, with his picture in it from when he got back from his first tour. Of course it has my daughter too, & was a true find - the front is a cameo of a mother holding a baby. I also wore a bracelet he'd given me. And every day I prayed for him, his best friends, his company. Yep, it takes a lot to survive being the mother of a soldier. It still brings tears to my heart to write this, & he's been back for about 3 years now.

I also admire policemen, & many don't. Many fear them. I don't. I understand them. They're people who put their lives on the line just like firefighters, to help save people from harm. Although I really never knew my father, he spent his working years as a cop, a detective, then chief of the detective bureau. It was cool to receive newspaper articles quoting him, with his photo, from his father. He lived in Portland, Oregon & I lived all the way across the US from him, didn't even "meet" him until I was 13. I saw him up until I was 2, then when I was 13 (2 weeks), 16 (2 days), 21 (1 week), 24 (2 days), 26 (1 day), & 48 (1 week). He died when I was 49. I went West 3 times for extended visits he paid for, & he came East 3 times, twice for conferences he didn't really need to attend & once for my wedding. My father therefore isn't one of my heroes. My heroes are those parents who are truly there for their children, no matter what. Those who make the effort to give of themselves, their time, attention, & love. None of us are perfect at it, but the ones who don't smother but give unconditionally are heroes in my eyes.

I also admire dedicated teachers & babysitters. Mrs. Evelyn Attick, my 4th grade teacher, is one of my heroes, in my top 10. In the early 60s she recognized my need in my acting out in her class at the beginning of the school year. Back then child abuse was a "don't ask, don't tell" thing. There was no mandatory reporting or even much awareness. Without ever saying a word, she taught me that I was lovable as is & that I didn't have to act out to get attention. School became a haven & the classroom a place of constant, unconditional love. She then taught me to think for myself. She had higher expectations for me than she had for most of the other kids as far as that was concerned & she expressed it to me. She especially taught me to try things like prunes for myself rather than going with "group think" & that Friday the 13th could be something lucky if I chose for it to be. She cemented it by telling me she was born on Friday, the 13th. Her great belief in me led me to believe in myself & it always stuck with me. She expected more out of me so I expected the best out of me. That's the first time I was given the idea that I'm gifted & talented. I don't remember much of my childhood but I remember many things about her & that school year. I'm now writing through tears. I remember the last day of school. I was the last to leave the classroom, crying because I couldn't stand to leave her & not see her all summer. In one of 2 final gifts, she told me to count down the days until school started again, backwards to the day I'd see her again. That's how I got through the summer. She wasn't there the next year, was dying of cancer. The final gift was talking to my 5th grade teacher, putting me in his care. I only became aware of that this month, & that her heart was breaking too the last day I saw her. Remember, I'm able to talk with spirits & receive messages. I've talked with her many times over the years. I also briefly had a babysitter named Donna, who loved me unconditionally. I was abruptly sent to another sitter when I finally felt safe enough to tell her about my home life. The first time I was isolated from anyone who tried to help me, my mother moved us from Ohio to Pennsylvania when my grandmother (her mother) tried to intervene. Of course my mother is also not one of my heroes.

I admire dreamers, forward thinkers, those who dare. So I admire my son, greatly. He goes after what he wants, no matter how often that changes. He tried doing stand up comedy, has done some writing, worked at having a band, has written some great music, has taken voice lessons & instrument lessons. He had an idea to start a wind farm, & was working on that. I also truly admire his heart, his spirit, his drive, his creativity. He's not afraid to show his love, for his mother, his fiance, his father, animals, his baby sister, his big sister, his friends. He's going to be a wonderful husband & father because of that heart.

I admire healers, energy workers, & light workers, but not the educated professionals except nurses. Doctors tend to have egos that get in the way. Nurses are overworked & under appreciated & I've known several. From them I have a good idea of why they end up burnt out & having to quit to survive. I admire metaphysical healers & energy workers, light workers because we all do it strictly to benefit others & it all comes from the deepest part of our hearts & souls.