As I've said before, I usually don't know what the blog topic will be until the day I write it, especially lately. I have a lot of topics that have come up, that are waiting to be written. These days I usually have to work at getting the topic for the day. My mind isn't there for the ones waiting to be written. So I stop to find out what the topic of the day is, consult with God. I was surprised that today's is about moving forward, but as is often the case, He gave me the title first, then the first words. As I faithfully begin, the muse takes over. He is the heart of the muse. He is Creator. But you can call Him whatever you want.
Almost ever time I've ever been stuck in life or truly unhappy, it's because I've been dwelling in the past. Sure, we can review the past. We can learn from past mistakes or failures so we don't repeat them. That's healthy. We can use past successes to give us confidence, propel us into current and future successes. But dwelling on even past successes or happy times can also be a trap. If you're longing for those past times, you miss the present. And now is truly all we have. We no longer have or are the past. The future will always be the future - that's the definition of the word. I used to be very bad at living in the now - used to be. Now I have trouble remembering the succession of events even last week, because it's over and I've moved on.
Even past successes can trap you, as I said. I know a guy who successfully wrote business letters many years ago and tries to use the same very formal, wordy language these days. I end up editing out so many words, phrases and forms that are no longer used. He's stuck in the past and really needs an update. He also always complains about how he can't remember things he needs to, has trouble thinking and memorizing. That's because he's carrying way too much baggage - all of his past. And his brain is so clogged with trying to figure out, examine and analyze every little detail and get it all perfect. There's no room for what he actually needs in there! We truly don't have unlimited brain capacity - that's science. The only way to free your mind is to let go of perfectionism and "what if" fears, and the past. We can only learn new things and patterns if we release all that no longer serves us, including the past.
Hey, by all means keep your important memories. I journal them, and reference important events at the tops of the pages now so that I can easily find things later. Clever as I think I am, I didn't start doing that until some time last year. Writing things down is an important tool for fixing them in your memory and for freeing your brain to move on to other things - whichever you most need. Writing things down frees your brain to move on because it knows it's no longer solely responsible for keeping the information. And in the case of learning, it helps fix it in your mind. Journaling is so important for so many reasons. Often we can't let go of something because we have unacknowledged or unresolved feelings. Journaling helps you resolve and acknowledge them. Then I can move on. I don't have to stay stuck in those feelings. I can transform them or just dump them.
Some people dwell on how they've been hurt in the past, and use it as an excuse for not succeeding in life now. I know a remarkable young woman who was more damaged than anyone I've ever met. She's in the process of overcoming all of it. Like many abuse victims, most of the damage is buried deeply. She works to find the next issue and the next that therefore affects her life and well being. As soon as she uncovers another, she deals and heals, and moves on. She recognizes the reason for her pain and releases it. She doesn't transmute a reason into an excuse, and stay in that place of pain.
I used to dwell on mistakes and failures of the past, and punish myself. Since everything that ever went wrong was always blamed on me, I was trained to do that. It's taken me a long time to stop doing that. It's been a process. Part of the process is realizing what was and wasn't your fault. You have to then assess responsibility without placing blame. That means realizing the circumstances surrounding what happened. For example, I understand that my mother did the best she could with what she had. Yes, she abused me and this doesn't mean I think it was justified or acceptable. But I understand why she did it, given who she is and her circumstances growing up. I forgive her, and have forgiven myself for the mistakes I then made as a parent. I realize I wasn't "dealing with a full deck" at the time, since I had entirely buried my childhood. In these cases we aren't excusing ourselves or others from responsibility. In fact, this allows you to take considered responsibility for your part in your mistakes or failures. So many people refuse to do this, and therefore repeat them! But you then move on to forgiveness. Forgiveness allows release, allows us to move on with our lives.
Now is never going to look as good as something from the past if you're dwelling on what you can no longer have. We all know, but forget when we're in that mode, that we tend to really "photo shop" those good memories. We tend to forget the downside and glorify what was good and beautiful. That can only lead to unhappiness in the present. Either we don't have any of what we're glorifying from the past, or what we do have entirely dims in comparison as we look back through those "rose colored glasses." Remember yesterday's blog about focus. Whatever you focus on is what you create. So any time you're focused on the past, you're messing up your present. You can use the past to remember what you want to recreate in your life as long as you're focused on the present or trying to manifest the future, and that's your true focus. For example, I know from the past that I love growing roses. Some day I want rose gardens again, and that's going on my dream board. I learned a great deal back then about choosing those bushes and what to plant where. Some day I'll use that knowledge to create even greater gardens. I internalized the lessons and the pleasure of roses, but have moved on. I don't long for the gardens of the past so I'm not focused on them. I've fixed it in my mind as a goal for the future. But in the present I enjoy all the roses I see around me and the few bushes I have, and every other flower around me. Tuesday night I was talking with a friend in my yard, telling her about those gardens in response to something she'd said. While talking, I was fully present with her and the cool grass under my feet, the plants all around me. I had a brief flash of one day having rose gardens again - which is a flash of my intent. But it didn't interfere with my enjoyment of the conversation, the company, and what was all around me. In telling about those gardens, I remembered one of the important things I learned while creating them - that digging in the ground, planting and tending, bonds you to a place. For me, it's a very important thing. I use that to set intent for where I am now. As I told her about the gardens, of course I saw the whole thing in my mind as if I was there. But because I'd completely released the past there, I didn't experience longing for it or pain. I remembered for just a moment the pain of leaving there, because that was part of the point of telling the story. She was expressing pain over leaving a place where she had bonded with the earth. But I was able to remember without feeling or reliving it. Once you truly release a memory after having dealt with it, it can no longer hold or hurt you. It's an important part of moving forward.
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