I don't make resolutions for the new year. I make them as I go along. I'm always learning, healing, and improving my life. I learn new lessons usually weekly, sometimes daily. I make adjustments as needed. I've learned to do them one at a time, and gently. I don't get mad at myself over not following through or changing everything at once. I recommend this to those of you who still make resolutions for the new year. As you know, they very seldom work. One problem is that usually they're things you think you "should," be doing, things you've resisted.
From what I understand, a new age of being is coming about at this time. That's actually what 2012 was about. Many of us have felt significant shifts is our energy during the middle to latter part of this month. Now, the things we've struggled with are supposed to be getting easier to handle, I believe. At least, I hear that time is speeding up for these clearings. That's very exciting - to be further aided in this work of clearing and improving my life.
Today I learned several lessons. I need a day of rest from "shoulds" each week. I also do much better when I want to do something rather than think I should. I'm often motivated by having a list of things I intend to do, but it's even better for me to have it in my planner. Every time I get away from my planner, I become burdened by the lists. I feel the burden to get everything on the list done so I can throw it away and start over. One of the beauties of my planner is that instead of assigning a whole list of things to do on any given day, I can assign myself the list to do sometime during the week. That helps me relax about it more. I can also carry over (easily) from one week to the next what I haven't gotten done. That allows me to easily re-prioritize based on things that come up during the week, and my energy flow. It allows me to be more responsive without feeling burdened. I highly recommend this same planner to all of you. You can get one from plannerpads.com. They're basically all the same, just different styles. I recommend the book type with plenty of room to write, with the dates already filled in so you can see a week at a time. I use the spiral bound one because it easily stays open to a week at a time on my desk. I have a friend who uses the loose leaf, and swears by it.
I was feeling burdened today, and low energy. I sent up a quick prayer and God immediately answered by telling me I'm allowed and actually supposed to take a day off. That's what Sundays (or whatever day suits you) are for. He told me to remove the "shoulds." I was so grateful and relieved. I almost took a nap, but decided not to so I'd be able to sleep tonight. I first did what I felt I really needed to do - the dishes in the sink, took out the garbage, did the litter boxes and fed the cats. I wrote out a card I want to get into the mail tomorrow. While I was getting ready to do that, I cleared out a stack of mail looking for something I needed. In that, I faced doing something I'd been avoiding. That then gave me the energy to vacuum. I doubt I'll have company in the next week, and I'm usually a reactive cleaner. I'm one who cleans when someone's coming or I just can't stand the way the carpet looks. That's not to say that my house gets filthy - far from it. I have people coming and going regularly and like to have the house in decent shape. But I'm not one who cleans meticulously weekly. I hate cleaning house, can always find something I'd rather be doing with my time. The floors were messy by my standards, and I wanted them clean so this time I simply did it for me. It made me feel so good, especially afterwards. I was telling myself I'm worth it as I finished up, and that's a huge message for me.
I'm New Age, and old-times too, a mix. I listen to New Age music, but also to 40's Big Band Jazz, and classical. I love Victorian houses and stories, history. It's time to clean up and clear out our lives and habits, and not because a new year is starting. One day is really about the same as the next. There's absolutely no magic to a new year beginning. It's like your birthday. You aren't really another year older on your birthday - it's just math. You're simply one day older than the day before. January 2 is no different than December 2, unless either happens to be a significant birthday. It's not even time to clean up and clear out your life because it's a new age. It's time because you can make those changes any time you're ready and willing, and you're worth it. And you don't have to clear out all the old. In fact, there truly aren't any "have to's." Do it to make a better life for yourself. Do it because tomorrow truly is the first day of the rest of your life, and you're worth it.
Angel Baby Ornament sample 1
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Finally, a New Post
I'm sorry I haven't been posting. Ever since Superstorm Sandy came through, I've been coping with old, lower energies. At first I typed "fighting," but I don't fight things. I go with the flow and cope in the best ways possible. These days I have amazing coping mechanisms that are much healthier than the ones I grew up with as a victim. I pray, ask the angels for help, go to meditations, get healing treatments from friends in the community, and do Reiki on others. Giving is a good way of helping yourself, your heart and soul.
Many days were better, but most were not, over about a six week period. I'd go to an event or have a healing session here, but the energy didn't change, or only for a few days. Over time, the blog posts dwindled. I wasn't channeling them or inspired most of this month.
Sometimes I only see how far I've yet to go, not how much I've accomplished. It's very hard without a job. It's really taught me faith, and reliance on God. I surrender all to Him each day. I understand that He knows my true needs better than I do. My mission on earth is my #1 priority. I'm willing to go through whatever hardships I have to in order to spiritually get to where I need to be in order to be most effective. Still, it's difficult at times. I still have many issues in my relationship with myself, for one thing.
The physical world and realities have been getting to me more than they have in a year, and I've had trouble sleeping. I'm really not sure why I'm telling you all this, but I wonder if others are having trouble coping too. I thought this month would be a very high energy month and have been very disappointed each day. I try to stay in a state of gratitude and faith, but haven't been able to. That said, I have to again tell you that we're each responsible daily for our own state of mind and being. Each day, I do all I can to get into the right frame of mind and attitude. What's different for me is that normally I feel it, and over this time period I've felt little except concern for my loved ones. I've deeply felt the individual needs of each, with a huge open heart at times. I've felt that more intensely than the gratitude and faith I usually feel. And hope has been dormant. It's not that my belief and faith is any less, or my gratitude, only my ability to actually feel it lately. If you recall, I was living in a state of anticipation of the adventure each day became for me, and of gratitude. Those feelings were actively present almost every moment of every day, when I'd tune into myself. Now the attitude is usually there without the feelings that go with them.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, stopped to figure out what comes next. I realize that although I don't feel depressed, my very learned clinical social worker daughter would diagnose me with clinical depression. Lately even foods often don't have much flavor and I've lost interest in connecting with others this week, haven't been keeping up with emails and Facebook for several weeks. Not keeping up came with finishing my college class and being intensely busy for several weeks. I was very focused on school. My life is very out of balance right now, and I'm really feeling that. In thinking about how my daughter would read what's happening, I was given the message to take the Shaklee vitamin B complex supplement. I'm doing the best I can to keep up with self care, and give my body, mind, and spirit what it needs. I learned over the summer that I have to keep my water intake up, and have been. I've been taking a tablespoon of Bragg's raw apple cider vinegar in a glass of water three times a day most days for months now, trying to time it a half hour before or after meals.
There's been lots of positive things happening during this time period, though. I've become very aware of how psychically "on" I am much of the time. For one thing, when people send me private messages on Facebook or text me, I know exactly what they mean when they say it. It's as good as when talking on the phone, when you can hear the inflections in the voice that tell you these things. One time I knew exactly what someone texted me, spelling and all, before I opened it. I usually know who's calling and why, when the phone rings. Or I'm thinking about someone being in need, and then he or she calls, or I text and discover the need. I know when there are events I'm supposed to attend. I also started channeling the book I'm supposed to write, a few days ago. That's been consuming, but awesome. At the urging of angels and other people, I've tried several times over the past year plus, to do this. Each time, it was work - painful, difficult, upsetting. I never got very far, always got stuck. I was never able to flesh it out enough. Now it's simply flowing, four days in a row, 44 pages so far. Today the flow hasn't started, perhaps because there are so many other things I need to be doing, catch up on. It's becoming a real book as it flows, and the process has been incredible. I'm also sure I can start that flow again when I'm ready, have taken care of some needs around here. I used to ask Archangel Gabriel to help, since that's her area and the angel card readings kept pointing to her, telling me to write it. However, I attended one of George Shader's Casa Healing Meditations last Thursday, which was amazing and powerful. Almost immediately, I was overwhelmed by a loving visit from Mother Mary. The more she was with me, the more intense the love, and she was joined by Jesus. I've read in the Bible that we can't stand in His presence, and now I personally understand why. The Love and magnificence of the pair was soon too intense, and I had to mentally say so.
Afterwards, George was the final person to suggest I needed to write a book, and also suggested I ask Mother Mary to help. The next day, the book started coming to me without asking, took me completely by surprise. Then I asked Mother Mary to be with me, and she has been. Perhaps Archangel Gabriel is with her, but I'm only aware of her. One day the flow started the minute I thought of verbally greeting her. As I've said before, I start my days by giving my self, day, and life to God, to do with as He will, to guide, lead, and direct. I'm used to my days then taking on a life and structure of their own so there's got to be a pretty significant event to surprise me. I also have to point out the significance of this connection with Mother Mary for you. As I've said before, my own mother was emotionally distant and abusive. I disconnected from all mother energy toward me many years ago, including a real desire for it. I have complete outward mother energy but blocked myself from receiving, I now realize. I totally denied all need for it. Mary came to me soon after George started the meditation, opened me from the inside out, to relationship. I've also been desiring that reconnection with Jesus, which has been blocked for some reason. So I see if nothing else, this post is giving me some needed insights. I knew I was to write it but not what.
I'll be honest, as I always am, and tell you I don't know when the next blog will come. I refuse to force them just to provide. I surrender that to God too each day, as I surrender all aspects of my life - all connected to me in any way, all I'm involved in. It became His blog long ago, and I appreciate and respect that. I feel an urgency with 12/21/12 coming in a few days, and will be praying about that, and for all of you. If I don't write again before Christmas, much Love and Joy to you all!
Many days were better, but most were not, over about a six week period. I'd go to an event or have a healing session here, but the energy didn't change, or only for a few days. Over time, the blog posts dwindled. I wasn't channeling them or inspired most of this month.
Sometimes I only see how far I've yet to go, not how much I've accomplished. It's very hard without a job. It's really taught me faith, and reliance on God. I surrender all to Him each day. I understand that He knows my true needs better than I do. My mission on earth is my #1 priority. I'm willing to go through whatever hardships I have to in order to spiritually get to where I need to be in order to be most effective. Still, it's difficult at times. I still have many issues in my relationship with myself, for one thing.
The physical world and realities have been getting to me more than they have in a year, and I've had trouble sleeping. I'm really not sure why I'm telling you all this, but I wonder if others are having trouble coping too. I thought this month would be a very high energy month and have been very disappointed each day. I try to stay in a state of gratitude and faith, but haven't been able to. That said, I have to again tell you that we're each responsible daily for our own state of mind and being. Each day, I do all I can to get into the right frame of mind and attitude. What's different for me is that normally I feel it, and over this time period I've felt little except concern for my loved ones. I've deeply felt the individual needs of each, with a huge open heart at times. I've felt that more intensely than the gratitude and faith I usually feel. And hope has been dormant. It's not that my belief and faith is any less, or my gratitude, only my ability to actually feel it lately. If you recall, I was living in a state of anticipation of the adventure each day became for me, and of gratitude. Those feelings were actively present almost every moment of every day, when I'd tune into myself. Now the attitude is usually there without the feelings that go with them.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, stopped to figure out what comes next. I realize that although I don't feel depressed, my very learned clinical social worker daughter would diagnose me with clinical depression. Lately even foods often don't have much flavor and I've lost interest in connecting with others this week, haven't been keeping up with emails and Facebook for several weeks. Not keeping up came with finishing my college class and being intensely busy for several weeks. I was very focused on school. My life is very out of balance right now, and I'm really feeling that. In thinking about how my daughter would read what's happening, I was given the message to take the Shaklee vitamin B complex supplement. I'm doing the best I can to keep up with self care, and give my body, mind, and spirit what it needs. I learned over the summer that I have to keep my water intake up, and have been. I've been taking a tablespoon of Bragg's raw apple cider vinegar in a glass of water three times a day most days for months now, trying to time it a half hour before or after meals.
There's been lots of positive things happening during this time period, though. I've become very aware of how psychically "on" I am much of the time. For one thing, when people send me private messages on Facebook or text me, I know exactly what they mean when they say it. It's as good as when talking on the phone, when you can hear the inflections in the voice that tell you these things. One time I knew exactly what someone texted me, spelling and all, before I opened it. I usually know who's calling and why, when the phone rings. Or I'm thinking about someone being in need, and then he or she calls, or I text and discover the need. I know when there are events I'm supposed to attend. I also started channeling the book I'm supposed to write, a few days ago. That's been consuming, but awesome. At the urging of angels and other people, I've tried several times over the past year plus, to do this. Each time, it was work - painful, difficult, upsetting. I never got very far, always got stuck. I was never able to flesh it out enough. Now it's simply flowing, four days in a row, 44 pages so far. Today the flow hasn't started, perhaps because there are so many other things I need to be doing, catch up on. It's becoming a real book as it flows, and the process has been incredible. I'm also sure I can start that flow again when I'm ready, have taken care of some needs around here. I used to ask Archangel Gabriel to help, since that's her area and the angel card readings kept pointing to her, telling me to write it. However, I attended one of George Shader's Casa Healing Meditations last Thursday, which was amazing and powerful. Almost immediately, I was overwhelmed by a loving visit from Mother Mary. The more she was with me, the more intense the love, and she was joined by Jesus. I've read in the Bible that we can't stand in His presence, and now I personally understand why. The Love and magnificence of the pair was soon too intense, and I had to mentally say so.
Afterwards, George was the final person to suggest I needed to write a book, and also suggested I ask Mother Mary to help. The next day, the book started coming to me without asking, took me completely by surprise. Then I asked Mother Mary to be with me, and she has been. Perhaps Archangel Gabriel is with her, but I'm only aware of her. One day the flow started the minute I thought of verbally greeting her. As I've said before, I start my days by giving my self, day, and life to God, to do with as He will, to guide, lead, and direct. I'm used to my days then taking on a life and structure of their own so there's got to be a pretty significant event to surprise me. I also have to point out the significance of this connection with Mother Mary for you. As I've said before, my own mother was emotionally distant and abusive. I disconnected from all mother energy toward me many years ago, including a real desire for it. I have complete outward mother energy but blocked myself from receiving, I now realize. I totally denied all need for it. Mary came to me soon after George started the meditation, opened me from the inside out, to relationship. I've also been desiring that reconnection with Jesus, which has been blocked for some reason. So I see if nothing else, this post is giving me some needed insights. I knew I was to write it but not what.
I'll be honest, as I always am, and tell you I don't know when the next blog will come. I refuse to force them just to provide. I surrender that to God too each day, as I surrender all aspects of my life - all connected to me in any way, all I'm involved in. It became His blog long ago, and I appreciate and respect that. I feel an urgency with 12/21/12 coming in a few days, and will be praying about that, and for all of you. If I don't write again before Christmas, much Love and Joy to you all!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Discerning Feelings, Needs & Wants
I'm sorry I promised a blog on this. It's one I'm still really struggling with. I suggest writing your own mission statement as a start. And I can see I'm going to get help writing this one, so I hope to learn something as I channel it. I wrote the first two sentences and channeled the second.
Your mission statement is the statement of what you want your best life to be about, your values, what's in your heart, what you care about most in life. It's about your life, not the lives of others. We can only determine for ourselves. And part of being in touch with God starts with being in touch with ourselves. We have to really determine, and in all honesty, who we are and what we care about.
If you start with a mission statement, you have a guideline for your needs and wants. I wrote a mission statement nearly a year ago. It never needs to be rewritten like my "I Am" or manifestation statements, because it entirely reflects my mission and goals in life. I use it as the basis for my major decisions and many of my minor ones. I'll share it with any of you that ask.
Some people have trouble discerning between needs and wants. Needs are basic and common to all people and really, all the rest are wants. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. I feel I need a car but allow for the possibility that perhaps I want a car more than need it. After all, I've gone without one since mid-February and I'm still alive.
Each day I surrender my needs and wants to God because I realize that one of my major wants, that borders on need, is to serve Him according to our contracted mission for my life. I want that above all else. I realize that I don't understand the true intersection of my needs and wants. I understand that many of them are conflicting. So when I surrender these things to God I also surrender my thoughts and feelings about them to Him. And I reiterate that I want His will for my life above all else, that my top priority is my mission on earth. Then I tell Him what I think I need, ask for fulfillment of the needs. I often also tell Him some of my wants and ask for those.
The times prayer works best and I connect best with God is when I talk about my feelings to Him. He already knows them but that takes prayer way beyond supplication or even gratitude. It brings prayer to personal relationship, especially if I just talk with Him about whatever is on my mind and heart at the time. It's like talking to a trusted friend over the phone, except I don't hear His voice with His answers. However, I do hear His answers when I really just relax and connect with fully open heart and simply chat with Him. The same happens when I fully open my heart to Him, the relationship, and express any emotions to Him.
Some of us, especially victims of childhood abuse of any kind, have trouble identifying our feelings. There are several ways to do that. One is to set the intent and pray to remember your dreams. Often we work out difficult feelings or identify them in dreams. One of my most used methods of figuring them out is to journal. Another is to start talking to a trusted friend. Journaling and talking it out for someone like me starts with the event and then I'm able to identify the feeling. Talking with a friend is a great method because sometimes the friend identifies the feelings for you. And God can be that friend!
The more you share your feelings and thoughts with God the more you're sharing yourself. The more often you do that, the more you're going to hear from Him. I never hear His voice, as I said the other day. However, I feel His answer and receive the message, then interpret it into words. As an intuitive, that's the way I usually receive messages, whether communicating with Him, angels, pets, or the departed. It's actually something all of us do but most people discount it, figure they're imagining it. That's the biggest difference between a psychic and one who isn't. Psychics recognize that the thought or feeling, message is real, and didn't originate with them. It's a level of belief, as is talking with God and listening to Him.
How do you know God's talking to you rather than your imagination? If you ask a question you don't know the answer to in your conscious mind, and get the answer right after, that's not from you. If you're talking to God at the time, it's probably from Him. If you get an abusive answer, it's obviously not from Him. But if you get a kind answer accompanied by a feeling of love and you were talking to God, that's God. I said "kind" answer for a reason. Let's say the answer to your question is no and you wanted it to be yes. That's unkind if it comes to you in a nasty way and kind if delivered gently, in love. Usually in that case God will give you a reason why not at the same time.
I have a lot of experience getting direct and immediate answers from God. I don't ask yes or no questions. I often get replies when I haven't asked a question, have only expressed a concern, especially if it's a doubt about myself. Sometimes I ask questions about how He and the angels work too. He knows me - I want to know it all. And I frequently laughingly tell Him that because He created me this way - kind of our private joke, like you'd have with your closest friend.
Right now I can only think of two examples of messages. The other day I surrendered my relationship with work, responsibility, and duty to Him, with the thought that maybe I don't really do enough. He immediately answered that He's well pleased with me. I got the feeling a split second before I knew what He was saying to me. It's that intuitive/psychic experience I explain above. No voice, only the feeling followed by the message/words being downloaded to my brain and heart. Yesterday I told Jesus that I want a closer relationship with Him, want that restoration. He immediately said it's not our time for that yet. Again, the message came in the same way - first came the love, then the message. He also gave me the feeling that I have some learning to do first, and more time connecting with God, the Father. You have to understand that I believe there's the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. When I was in my teens, for at least six months I had a nightly conversation with Jesus. They started out one-sided, me doing the talking. At one point, I began receiving answers as I've described. It started out being about the intense emotional abuse my mother dished out daily. She told me I was the reason she was sick in bed every day after work - that it was because I argued with her (typical teenage behavior). That's the only part I remember, but I know she was so cruel and cutting that life was nearly unbearable. I started going to bed earlier and earlier, and talking with Jesus. It started with asking why she was doing this. The first answers were about that, and what I could learn from it, how to redeem the experiences. There's no way my mind was supplying His end of the conversations! As a teen, there's no way I'd be able to figure out that I was learning to get along with the most difficult people and still be kind, etc. I don't even remember all the lessons. How I wish I had written them down! The wonderful thing is, these conversations got to be longer and longer because they were so loving and comforting. Eventually I went to Him, my best friend, to talk about anything and everything. I got to know Him as a being, including His great sense of humor.
The sad thing is, I forget all that now, don't feel that connection. Back then I connected deeply with Him but not with God the Father. I was afraid of parental authority and had no real idea what a father is, couldn't relate because I'd only met my father once and he'd rejected me without reason. So I didn't have a basis for feeling connect or love from our Father. I believed I wasn't lovable. It's a wonder I connected with Jesus! So part of what Jesus was telling me yesterday about it not being time yet, is that I still need to be primarily connected to our Father for awhile longer. My time with reconnection with Jesus will come. That's not really the kind of answer you'd expect, is it? I know it was real though, because I'm used to receiving these messages now, and I felt the Love that came with it. And because I felt the confirmation of what He said within me. My spirit agreed with the answer given. We all know what's right and real, in truth. You have that "still, small voice" that affirms or denies, if you just learn to listen to it. That's actually you, your higher self. Those messages come from within you. So if you know what I mean about that, it should help you if you need help differentiating God or angel messages from that supplied from within yourself. If any of you need further explanation, contact me and I'll try.
Your mission statement is the statement of what you want your best life to be about, your values, what's in your heart, what you care about most in life. It's about your life, not the lives of others. We can only determine for ourselves. And part of being in touch with God starts with being in touch with ourselves. We have to really determine, and in all honesty, who we are and what we care about.
If you start with a mission statement, you have a guideline for your needs and wants. I wrote a mission statement nearly a year ago. It never needs to be rewritten like my "I Am" or manifestation statements, because it entirely reflects my mission and goals in life. I use it as the basis for my major decisions and many of my minor ones. I'll share it with any of you that ask.
Some people have trouble discerning between needs and wants. Needs are basic and common to all people and really, all the rest are wants. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. I feel I need a car but allow for the possibility that perhaps I want a car more than need it. After all, I've gone without one since mid-February and I'm still alive.
Each day I surrender my needs and wants to God because I realize that one of my major wants, that borders on need, is to serve Him according to our contracted mission for my life. I want that above all else. I realize that I don't understand the true intersection of my needs and wants. I understand that many of them are conflicting. So when I surrender these things to God I also surrender my thoughts and feelings about them to Him. And I reiterate that I want His will for my life above all else, that my top priority is my mission on earth. Then I tell Him what I think I need, ask for fulfillment of the needs. I often also tell Him some of my wants and ask for those.
The times prayer works best and I connect best with God is when I talk about my feelings to Him. He already knows them but that takes prayer way beyond supplication or even gratitude. It brings prayer to personal relationship, especially if I just talk with Him about whatever is on my mind and heart at the time. It's like talking to a trusted friend over the phone, except I don't hear His voice with His answers. However, I do hear His answers when I really just relax and connect with fully open heart and simply chat with Him. The same happens when I fully open my heart to Him, the relationship, and express any emotions to Him.
Some of us, especially victims of childhood abuse of any kind, have trouble identifying our feelings. There are several ways to do that. One is to set the intent and pray to remember your dreams. Often we work out difficult feelings or identify them in dreams. One of my most used methods of figuring them out is to journal. Another is to start talking to a trusted friend. Journaling and talking it out for someone like me starts with the event and then I'm able to identify the feeling. Talking with a friend is a great method because sometimes the friend identifies the feelings for you. And God can be that friend!
The more you share your feelings and thoughts with God the more you're sharing yourself. The more often you do that, the more you're going to hear from Him. I never hear His voice, as I said the other day. However, I feel His answer and receive the message, then interpret it into words. As an intuitive, that's the way I usually receive messages, whether communicating with Him, angels, pets, or the departed. It's actually something all of us do but most people discount it, figure they're imagining it. That's the biggest difference between a psychic and one who isn't. Psychics recognize that the thought or feeling, message is real, and didn't originate with them. It's a level of belief, as is talking with God and listening to Him.
How do you know God's talking to you rather than your imagination? If you ask a question you don't know the answer to in your conscious mind, and get the answer right after, that's not from you. If you're talking to God at the time, it's probably from Him. If you get an abusive answer, it's obviously not from Him. But if you get a kind answer accompanied by a feeling of love and you were talking to God, that's God. I said "kind" answer for a reason. Let's say the answer to your question is no and you wanted it to be yes. That's unkind if it comes to you in a nasty way and kind if delivered gently, in love. Usually in that case God will give you a reason why not at the same time.
I have a lot of experience getting direct and immediate answers from God. I don't ask yes or no questions. I often get replies when I haven't asked a question, have only expressed a concern, especially if it's a doubt about myself. Sometimes I ask questions about how He and the angels work too. He knows me - I want to know it all. And I frequently laughingly tell Him that because He created me this way - kind of our private joke, like you'd have with your closest friend.
Right now I can only think of two examples of messages. The other day I surrendered my relationship with work, responsibility, and duty to Him, with the thought that maybe I don't really do enough. He immediately answered that He's well pleased with me. I got the feeling a split second before I knew what He was saying to me. It's that intuitive/psychic experience I explain above. No voice, only the feeling followed by the message/words being downloaded to my brain and heart. Yesterday I told Jesus that I want a closer relationship with Him, want that restoration. He immediately said it's not our time for that yet. Again, the message came in the same way - first came the love, then the message. He also gave me the feeling that I have some learning to do first, and more time connecting with God, the Father. You have to understand that I believe there's the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. When I was in my teens, for at least six months I had a nightly conversation with Jesus. They started out one-sided, me doing the talking. At one point, I began receiving answers as I've described. It started out being about the intense emotional abuse my mother dished out daily. She told me I was the reason she was sick in bed every day after work - that it was because I argued with her (typical teenage behavior). That's the only part I remember, but I know she was so cruel and cutting that life was nearly unbearable. I started going to bed earlier and earlier, and talking with Jesus. It started with asking why she was doing this. The first answers were about that, and what I could learn from it, how to redeem the experiences. There's no way my mind was supplying His end of the conversations! As a teen, there's no way I'd be able to figure out that I was learning to get along with the most difficult people and still be kind, etc. I don't even remember all the lessons. How I wish I had written them down! The wonderful thing is, these conversations got to be longer and longer because they were so loving and comforting. Eventually I went to Him, my best friend, to talk about anything and everything. I got to know Him as a being, including His great sense of humor.
The sad thing is, I forget all that now, don't feel that connection. Back then I connected deeply with Him but not with God the Father. I was afraid of parental authority and had no real idea what a father is, couldn't relate because I'd only met my father once and he'd rejected me without reason. So I didn't have a basis for feeling connect or love from our Father. I believed I wasn't lovable. It's a wonder I connected with Jesus! So part of what Jesus was telling me yesterday about it not being time yet, is that I still need to be primarily connected to our Father for awhile longer. My time with reconnection with Jesus will come. That's not really the kind of answer you'd expect, is it? I know it was real though, because I'm used to receiving these messages now, and I felt the Love that came with it. And because I felt the confirmation of what He said within me. My spirit agreed with the answer given. We all know what's right and real, in truth. You have that "still, small voice" that affirms or denies, if you just learn to listen to it. That's actually you, your higher self. Those messages come from within you. So if you know what I mean about that, it should help you if you need help differentiating God or angel messages from that supplied from within yourself. If any of you need further explanation, contact me and I'll try.
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