Part III - Energy Work

The first door that opened to me last Fall was energy work. There are different approaches to energy work practiced in the US. I was introduced to Dr. Usui's system of Reiki. I'd never heard of it before, but as I started exploring it I found that it's widely known within the US, practiced in many big city hospitals & hospice programs. Dr. Usui was from Japan, & Reiki is becoming as mainstream as acupuncture & acupressure.

We all know that energy flows through every living thing. Quantum physics tells us that all matter is composed of energy. Officially, "Reiki is a technique for stress reduction & relaxation that allows everyone to tap into an unlimited supply of 'life force energy' to improve health & enhance the quality of life." William Lee Rand says: "Reiki is a Japanese system of natural healing based on channeling healing energy through the hands." It is not taught to practitioners. Rather, the ability to channel the energy is transferred to the student by the Reiki Master. The Creator is the Source of all life force energy. Therefore, this energy comes straight from the Creator. "Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind & spirit & creates many beneficial effects including relaxation & feelings of peace, security, & well-being."

Rei means: "...supernatural knowledge or spiritual consciousness. This is the wisdom that comes from God or the Higher Self. This is the God-Consciousness which is all knowing. It understands each person completely. It knows the cause of all problems & difficulties & knows what to do to heal them." Ki means the same as Chi in Chinese. "Ki is the life force... that animates all living things. If your life force is low, or if there is a restriction in its flow, you will be more vulnerable to illness. Life force... animates the body & also is the primary energy of our emotions, thoughts & spiritual life." "It is the God-consciousness called Rei that guides the life force called Ki in the practice we call Reiki. Therefore, Reiki can be defined as spiritually guided life force energy." I describe it this way. As a Reiki practitioner, I'm the electrical cord, plain & simple, no special skill needed. I was made into a cord by receiving attunements to be able to channel the energy. You, the receiver, are the computer. You give the energy the commands within you - subconsciously your body directs the energy to be used as most needed at the time. As the cord, I plug into the Source & transfer the Energy to you.

It was amazing the way I was introduced to Reiki. I was looking for work & making calls. The 4th call led me to a stranger who took an hour to brainstorm with me! He asked about my experience, talents, desires, & was telling me of friends he's had who have made good incomes from their art. Then he told me about Reiki, told me I'm a healer at heart, & that it was the next step for me! He was so certain that it would open doors for me, enhance & facilitate what I wanted to do, that I had to pay attention. I felt like he was an angel sent just for me & that if I called back he wouldn't answer because he was just there for that moment. Fortunately, he didn't disappear, continues to grace my life, has become one of my best friends. More tomorrow.

Part I - Background, My Religious Life

I was led to tell you this, so here goes. I used to be religious. I've read the Bible from cover to cover, after years of reading certain sections over & over, mostly the New Testament. I've regularly attended Presbyterian, Lutheran, & Methodist churches. When I was a teen, I went to church wherever I could get a ride, which is why I attended all 3 rather than being raised in one church. I felt a connection & sought. In a few visits a year, my beloved grandmother would tell me about God & Jesus. Family friends took me to church on Easter Sunday when I was in elementary school. I had a couple of children's books of prayers. But I didn't have the benefit of church when I was little, nor was God spoken of in our house. It's been a long journey.

In high school, I developed a great connection to Jesus. Every night for at least 6 months, I'd go to bed early so I could talk with Him. At that time my mother was very ill & was blaming her illness on me. I'd go to bed & ask Him why. He would tell me how to endure, what I could learn, how much He loves me. It was a conversation. Eventually we became good enough friends that we'd talk about other things too. He became my best friend, & I enjoyed His sense of humor.

Then my mother got religion & I started going to church with her. She & her friends told me over & over that there's only one way to pray, & that I couldn't possibly have been talking with Jesus Himself. The conversations stopped because I stopped them. I got so mired in trying to get it right that I sank too far into my own pit. Then I turned my back on Him & started living for myself in a very worldly way, seeking love in all the wrong ways.

As a young adult, every time I was in deep emotional trouble, I'd study the Bible & pray earnestly. Eventually I latched onto religion as a crutch. I struggled with it all, the questions many of us agonize over. Is every word in the Bible true? How come God let's bad things happen to good people? Just what all does He do for us? How involved is He? I listened to religious radio & TV programs, went to church, took Bible study classes. Eventually I thought I had the answers.

My teen & young adult life was a series of "being saved" & going worldly. My first big crisis of faith & religion came when my mother became religious. My second came when my first marriage ended despite all my prayers. I'd thought I'd had all the answers & suddenly I was left with nothing but questions. My years of struggle weren't helped by most of the ministers. Most of them were distant & pedantic. Only one was truly spiritual & inclusive, a true man of God.

Right after I separated from my first husband, our church got a new minister. He was exactly the right one for me. He regularly made time for me, to answer my questions. He was totally honest with me about his views vs. the church's. He healed our ailing church family right when I most needed that family. He, his wife, that church family supported me & helped me raise my kids. My kids have had a different journey, were raised in that church. Yet they struggle with many of the same questions & problems I had. Then, 11 years ago, I moved on to was husband #2, who talked derisively of "God Squaders." By then I believed in reincarnation so I sought, at times, answers to my questions outside of the Protestant church, quit going to church altogether.

Part II - Religious vs. Spiritual

Every time I was religious I was miserable. Every time I went my own way, I was miserable. However, God was with me & within me through it all. Times that I thought I was so far from Him, others saw Him within me! Once I ran into a guy I used to date when I was so down that I was suicidal at the end. He told me he'd given his life to God because of me! My deep faith had so touched him. Folks, I surely wasn't aware of my faith at that point so I was shocked. But at that point I wasn't trying to be anything, so I was visibly spiritual. I used to tell that new minister that I didn't know what I believe any more. He used to tell me that deep inside, I do, that it would be there when I need it. He told me it was time to stop trying to figure it all out & start taking care of me, time to start living my life. That freed me to participate in the church on my own terms & spend my time taking care of me & my family. It freed me from those dreaded "shoulds."

At times, I knew I should give my life to God, knew I was destined. But I was resistant because of my religious experiences. Those experiences were very unbalanced & unhappy. I spent so much time seeking answers & trying to toe the line that I didn't have a life. I was always afraid to make a misstep, go the wrong way, displease God. Then, about 6 years ago, my individual beliefs started really emerging & I moved away from organized religion entirely. But the life I was living was really in the way of personal growth, had to end for me to move forward. I was blessed with what I liken to an earthquake - my former life disappeared in seemingly a flash, but it really wasn't. It took me about 8 months to believe my husband stole all my mother's money, come to terms with reality, quit trying to cling to my former life, & to begin planning a new life. Part of facing reality was realizing that none of the old life truly fit me, so it was going to have to be a total "do over." I realized it was my first opportunity to create the life I want on my terms. A friend kept telling me that God gave me so many talents for a reason. I realized it was finally my time - time to use them, to live what I was created for. It's what I'd always wanted anyway. My talents are my bliss, one of my personal joys in life. I also realized I wanted God at the center of my life, for His work to be what my life is about.

That was September 2010 & doors started opening because of my intent. Every time a door appeared I'd walk through & ask, "What next?" Because I was centered in God & my intent, I recognized Who presented the doors. I didn't concern myself with questions, didn't need to see what was ahead because I knew Who was ahead. I've been able to take it one step at a time because each step took me to incredible new places to dwell until the next step. So it's been an entirely spiritual journey. It's been a purposeful journey so it's been very rapid. Also, the groundwork has been years in the making.

It's like nothing I've ever known before - I've only had rare glimpses of this. It's nothing like being religious, yet I'm more deeply involved than ever before. Instead of being limiting as I feared, it frees me in incredible ways. I'm not combing the Bible for answers, not hung up with questions. Things are being revealed each time I'm ready. I'm plugged straight into the Source. I talk with Him & He talks with me. I'm still dealing with the mess from my former life, & healing from past hurts, yet I'm happier than I've ever been. I lost my man yet for the first time in my life, I'm not lonely. The poor unloved child I was now knows that was never true, that God always loved & cared for me, took care of me. I know Love like never before. Nothing is the same in my life - it's all being redefined for me. It all has new & enhanced meaning. A God-centered, spiritual life is a daily adventure. I never know what I'll blog about, what healing will take place, what new thing I'll learn, how or what He'll provide for me each day. I only know He does & will, so I awaken with great anticipation each day. I believe tomorrow's blog will be about that adventure.  

My Funeral/Golden Rules for Living

I often don't know what I'll be blogging about. I work with what I've given each day. Because my mother has recently she's gone into a full decline, this is the subject. She's given up taking responsibility for herself. She defines "self-centered" & "selfish," so she's been a great reference for understanding these traits.

I've had her in my home for nearly 2 years now, had sole care of her for nearly 9 months. So this put it in my face full time. It's been a huge opportunity for me to heal & come to truly understand her total influence in my life. One of the things I learned is that I wasn't nearly as healed as I thought I was. Different issues needing healing kept coming up after I thought they were healed. I'm not the only one - some people I greatly admire as spiritually evolved, have found they have old things coming up from the past these days. They thought they were healed, & some really long ago stuff has been coming up lately. So we've been given another opportunity to heal. This is the time, folks, & we all need to take the best advantage of it.

One of the things I've come to realize is that I've spent my life from the time I was a teen, trying to be the anti-Norma, her direct opposite. When we do that, consciously or not, we tend to go overboard in the opposite direction & live life in an imbalanced state. I'm no exception to that. I tend to take care of everyone else but me, for one thing. My loving daughter passed on to me several great versions of the Golden Rule. One is that instead of treating your neighbors as you want to be treated, you should treat them the way THEY want to be treated! How golden is that! The other one is that you should be treating YOURSELF at least as well as you treat your neighbor! So very true, & so difficult for many of us. I'm currently working on that one.

I have my own Golden Rules. I live part of my life with no regrets, including when loved ones depart this earth. I say "I love you" to the people I love, at every opportunity, & I make opportunities. When my beloved grandmother died, I'd made the trip to see her 10 days earlier, & had again told her in detail how much I treasured her. I told her of her meaning in my life, which was more of a mother & example than my own. I'd told her that before too. I was devastated when she died, but I had no regrets because I hadn't left any good unsaid.

I also believe that if you have any good thing to say to someone, you need to make the opportunity to say it. (I especially do that with the most important people of all - my kids.) Yesterday I sent a message to 2 of my daughter's friends that I know. She passed on that they said they admire how I've handled the situation I was dealt through my ex husband. That means the world to me because at the time it all went down, I took on a great deal of guilt. I wanted to be sure I handled the situation & my life from then on in a way that would redeem myself to myself & would make my children proud of me & set a better example for them. (Not that they needed that, or that they were blaming me at all. They were trying to help me not feel guilty.) So for my daughter's friends to notice was a huge affirmation for me that I'd succeeded. Since that was a great gift, I thanked them in detail. Because you never know when a small act of kindness will provide a big gift for someone else. I believe you need to tell someone when it does.

The gist of my biggest Golden Rule is that every act & word has an impact based on the negative or positive energy we release. It's a drop of water on the surface of the pond. You don't see it, but it creates ripples. If you cuss out a store employee he may go home & beat his wife because it was the final straw that day. Truly! It's all over the news, random shootings & no one knows what pushed the guy over the edge. If you say something nice to someone, he could do that to someone who just needed one kind word to keep from committing suicide. It really can be that dramatic. Thing is, once you do or say something, you have no control over the created ripple. But negative always begets negative & positive always begets positive, & it does always flow out. Now, God can turn negatives into positives but there's enough for Him to work with without us adding to it! So I try to always be a source of positives, & I do it with INTENT.

My mother has planned her funeral down to the last detail - music, Bible verses, etc. I haven't told her this, but she won't be having that funeral, since at most 3 people would come, even including me. Whenever she talks about it, I think about what would happen if I died. I haven't put any time into planning a funeral. I put my time into others instead. I'd like to think that many, many people all over the country would miss me, would be sorry to lose me. I'd like to know that I've touched many lives deeply enough to have truly mattered. I'd like my life to have left a lasting impact on those I've touched, & for that to be many & widespread. Through my children, family, & friends, I want to have left a deep legacy of love. I want to have made a real difference, an true impact on as much of the world as possible.

How to Talk with & Be in Relationship with God

I have a relationship with Father God that some people envy. Just last night I was again asked how to achieve that, with the belief that I couldn't tell her. Most people believe you have to work hard at it, that it's pretty unattainable. They feel that He's too busy or they aren't important enough or He's too hard to reach. But I actually CAN tell you how, because none of that's true. He truly IS so big & magnificent & ALL that He can be there for each of us, & is. To have a personal relationship with Him, all you have to do is believe, talk, listen, & open your heart.

First, let's get through the terminology. Call Him or Her whatever you want. If you want to substitute some other word for God or Father, go ahead. Creator, Higher Power - doesn't matter. All that matters is that you believe there is a Highest Power that created us. Perhaps the closest word we really have in the English language for this Creator is Love. Certainly, if you want to understand Him, Pure Love & Power is the best way. I believe I talk with Father God. I used to strictly talk to Brother Jesus, because I could relate better. I believe that Jesus is God's Son, a separate part of God the Father. That just gives you context. Your beliefs might be different.

So back to how to talk with the Creator. You have to believe that He hears YOU. You have to believe that He loves you enough to listen to you, & that He always listens. Then you have to do it, the more often the better. You have to open your heart when you do so that you get that connection. Think about human communication, let's say the development of a friendship. At first you aren't emotionally connected, so talk is not emotionally charged. You aren't really investing much of your self into it usually. There's no bond with that person. Each time you talk you share a little more of yourselves & it gets easier, more comfortable. The bond begins to form which leads to sharing more of yourselves & deeper bond. Eventually you are fully & emotionally present in each conversation because of that bond. It works the same way with God.

Part of the above conversational/bonding process is that you listen also, not just talk. When you talk with God, you have to learn to listen too. I find that He "talks" with me differently than Jesus does. Jesus talks with me like my Angel & Guides do. That is, I receive messages in my head in direct response. It's that "ah-ha" that comes into your head sometimes when you're searching your brain (so you think) for answers. That fully formed entire concept/picture/answer. It's like receiving an entire paragraph to a letter in response to your question. At least, that's how I receive it from them. From God it's different, it's a feeling, a knowing in my heart, more than a concrete thought or concept. That said, I know He talks with some people in a more direct fashion, like my Angel & Guides talk with me, or even more directly. I believe that if you earnestly seek Him, He will speak to you in whatever way is needed at the time. I believe He usually allows others to deliver His direct messages - advice from a trusted friend, your own Angels & Guides, many ways depending on how open we are.

It's easier to learn to accept that those "ah-ha" moments are actually messages being sent to you than it is to identify when God simply speaks to your heart. Sometimes your brain is wonderfully functional & will solve problems if you put them in there to work on. Something at work, let's say, & you figure out a solution to - the glitch in the office budget. You know that's you. Or you awaken with an answer to something you went to sleep trying to figure out. That's probably your mind, unless the solution was just way beyond you. Our brains work on problems while we sleep because our subconscious takes over & our conscious brain is for once, blessedly silent. But if you ask a question as you go through your day & minutes or a moment later come up with the answer, that's not your brain. That's not you. That's Guidance. Once you learn to detect, feel, trust, & have gratitude for that, you're ready to listen to God's messages to your heart/soul/being. Again, that doesn't come from your brain. It's God speaking to you, not your brain at work. When you open your heart to God & talk with Him through your heart (usually using your brain at that point because we do it with words), your brain is overridden by your heart & therefore couldn't be supplying the message you get in return. It's that simple.

I recommend talking to & with God in 2 ways - formal prayer & conversation. Please note I said talking "to & with" & know that I always carefully choose my words when I write anything. Usually I'm talking "to" God in prayer & "with" Him the rest of the time. It's more in talking with Him that you'll hear back from Him. Talking "to" is not real conversation & talking "with" is. I talk with God just the way I talk with everyone else except in twice a day (or more as needed) prayer. I tell Him good morning & I love Him, just as chipperly (new word :) as I can. Or I tell Him I love Him & that I'm still really groggy, having trouble getting started, whatever. Then I stumble around at first just as if someone called me & woke me up. I talk with Him whenever there's something on my heart, & I thank Him a lot. I tell Him how cute the 2 baby chipmunks are playing, & how much I love them. I ask Him to protect them from the ATVs racing up the street, reiterate that I love them & how cute they are. I bring Him the things hurting my heart, like the lightning bug I found half dead in the house. I tell Him when I know my attitude is wrong or I've done something wrong. I've vented to Him, just like you would do your closest friend. Because He is my constant companion, & so much more than a friend. If you had a really close relationship with your father or mother, you might have told these kinds of things to him or her. I tell people you can even cuss when you talk with God, although I certainly don't. I think the talking to a parent thing works pretty well here. If you talk with Him the way you would a beloved parent or other authority figure (aunt, uncle, much older sibling, or even a close family friend), & you listen, you'll develop that kind of relationship. And it's possible whether you ever enjoyed that in your family or not. I had very little access to that kind of love & bonding growing up, but now I have it with Him, beyond my wildest dreams. YOU can too!!!

Part I of 2 Today - The Situation...

Only one thing on my mind today - the decision I made last night to move forward with my life in a huge leap of faith, to trust God & the Universe! I'm cutting the ties, freeing myself, leaping totally into the Arms of God in faith & trust. And I'm crying, because I sense the Love waiting for me, the Joy. I believe there's that huge nest of angel feathers to catch me if I fall. I'm almost scared, but I'm not. I'm so excited! I can hardly wait to see what happens next! By the way, I'm writing this but I'm also not. I'm receiving help with the words, as I usually do, but even more so today. I have no idea exactly how I'm going to tell this story, only that I can't move on with my day until I share it.

October 17, 2010 I grabbed my mother out of bed around 2:00 a.m. & packed a few things, packed up the cats, & we fled for our lives. We ran to my daughter & best friend in Maryland, from Pennsylvania. We didn't return to Pennsylvania until November 2, 2010, the day after the threat was over because my husband (now ex) went to jail on November 1. The man I was married to had threatened to kill my mother if she called the police on him again for extorting money from her, after he'd stolen her life savings. I called the police that night, the 16th, & he didn't leave when they requested it. So I was left alone in the house with him, my sickly & dependent mother, & 5 cats. When he spoke with the officer & with me, I could hear my death in his voice. I can't begin to tell you what that sounded like, how different he sounded. I'd heard him sound wildly crazy before, when she called the police on him & he was desperate to get me to let him move her into my home, October of 2009. At the time I didn't know what was going on, only that he sounded insane, made no sense, was wild. Later I discovered he was desperate to move her out of state before she could talk with the police again, before she discovered he'd taken all $500,000 instead of just the $9000 she knew of at the time & charged him with. This was different.

So we ran for our lives & it was the beginning & end of a nightmare. On one hand I took full responsibility for my lifelong abuser, who was nearly entirely dependent. I put my life partner in jail, thus ending what little help & buffer I had within my home. I was left with care of my mother, no job, past due bills, the cleanup of his crimes, no money of my own, a house with oversized rent, a house full of unpacked boxes of his stuff & hers, & a huge IRS lien on her income because of her stocks he sold & pocketed. On the other hand, I was now free of his abuse & presence, left with a hole where my life had been. I alone got to choose what to then make of my life. My choice was to become a Reiki practitioner, start my business, try to care for my mother & clean up the mess rather than walk away, & to finally have my life be about following my calling, which is in serving God. That's always been in me but I wasn't ready before, & it wasn't my time yet. Now, I made it clear at the time that taking care of my mother & working through the mess was a limited time thing. I figured I had about 6 months of it in me, 8 or 9 at tops. We would live off her income while I looked for evidence to use to gain restitution for her, cleared out the house, took care of her, looked for a job, cleared up the IRS situation, etc. I hoped it would bring an opportunity for healing in our relationship. I hoped it would give me the chance to finally put my inner demons to rest, to resolve the relationship & overcome the abuse. I told her I'd take care of her as long as she cooperated with me in her care, in our living arrangements, until her care became beyond my capabilities, or until I just couldn't any more due to lack of progress in our relationship or her cooperation. She too had a choice - that or assisted living as soon as we got back to Pennsylvania.

Going through the boxes of his papers & things was very hard on me. I kept finding nasty things he'd written about me, signs of his theft, nasty surprises in every box that reminded me of all the hurt he inflicted on me over the years. I had to deal with & heal from so very much. I had to come to understand why I sold my self to him, gave up my independence & responsibilities, & allowed myself to be abused by a Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde. I was with him for 10 years & gave up my job, my home, my family & friends in many ways, to be with him. Dealing with the why & healing of course brought me to my childhood, & I had to deal with that while caring for my abuser. On one hand I was dealing with all that at home. On the other hand I was participating in Reiki Exchanges, taking advantage of every chance to heal & grow spiritually, & trying to get my business started. I made friends in the Reiki community & have a terrific support system between friends & family.

In the end I've had limited success. I couldn't entirely call off the IRS, but they've backed off. I couldn't prove anything that would allow for real restitution. I've gone through all his boxes & had to just let it go. I still feel overwhelmed by all of her boxes & all his mess still here. I've got to have a sale & can't even find the space or energy to stage it. Yet I need the money, the clearing. I haven't found a job, my business isn't self-supporting yet much less supporting me.

Most of you know this whole story so I appreciate you hanging in here. Part 2 is much better, but this was very therapeutic. In 8 months I've accomplished about half the impossible task I took on. I've moved on as far as my ex. Every time God opened a door for me, I walked through & asked "what next." So I've been healing & growing this whole time.

Part 2 - Watch Me, Here I Go - My Biggest Leap of Faith Ever - No Stopping Me Now!

To finish the background story, there's my mother. The relationship has healed as much as possible at this point. I have changed, she hasn't. All we can do is change ourselves. She cooperates briefly, then quits. Her goal is the same as it's been all my life - to keep me chained to her. You have to understand if you don't know all the background - she's been mentally ill my whole life. She's just never been formally diagnosed. She was partially functional until I got engaged to my first husband in 1980. She then took a disability retirement & gradually gave up functioning. She gradually quit associating with others, bathing, cleaning her house, doing laundry. She makes herself ill to gain attention, & I'm the only attention she wants. She's been doing the illness cycle since I was a teen in the early 1970s. I've had many years of coping with this, many years to try & understand her. After I married in 1980, she tried to get us to move in with her. Later she resorted to telling me that it was inevitable that I do that because I'd have to take care of her.

Last night I realized that it's time, past time actually. I've done all I can for her, for us, for the relationship. She's sliding downhill rapidly in her conscious & unconscious attempts to continue to hold on to me & perpetuate the dysfunction. At this point it's past the stage of being healing for either of us to have her here, & is entirely holding me back. I haven't been able to get a job or stage the sale, & her current level of dysfunction is so demanding that I'm becoming non-functional. She's draining me, causing the progress I've made in all areas to diminish. Fortunately, she's stepped up to dramatic lengths, now functioning like a one-year-old. That allowed me to come to this decision.

ASAP I'm moving her into assisted living. Tonight I'll call my kind & caring neighbor to see when he's available with his pickup to help me move her bed & things. This afternoon I'll go measure her room there. Within a week it should be done.

Just like I had to give up on & let go of trying to resolve the situation with my ex, I have to let go of this. It's very hard for me to let go before entirely accomplishing a goal. But, I've done my best & you have to know when going on becomes counterproductive.

Now I'm stepping out without a visible net. Most of her monthly income will go toward her care & needs & mine will be a separate household. Many of my expenses will go down but not enough. God has again presented me with a door, & I'm stepping through, asking "what next." This one has taken way more courage & faith than becoming attuned to Reiki required :) But I've started asking God & the Universe for what I need, set my intent. When you do that truly, & your heart is in service, the answers come quickly. I've kept my intent right & pure, that's important too. And there is a net under me, the same one I relied on especially during all my single parenting years - my loving friends. And now I've gained some family as part of that net. And now I know that God & the Universe, my Angels & Guides, are part of that net, & how to call on them. And I'm ready & at least partially equipped to do my part. For me, this is the biggest door ever presented, the door into the unknown. I know the final outcome but the path is hidden so I have no idea how easy or rough it may be, what I'll encounter & need along the way. I've chosen to see it as an adventure. Who will I meet? What will I see? That's as far as I've gotten, because it hasn't started yet & I'm in the moment. The real excitement is yet to come!

Lavender/Chamomile Tea

Two big blogs yesterday - hope you read them. Today I'm just going to do a short post. I've finally tried lavender/chamomile tea. Hot, it's ok, but it turns out I love it iced!

I fill the bottom of my tea ball with lavender buds so that's probably 20-30 buds. Then I pack the top & bottom with chamomile flowers, as much as I can press in there. I boil water, then steep the tea ball until the liquid cools to nearly room temperature. Then I pour it over a lot of ice. I then use the same ball contents in another cup plus of boiling water (I pick the biggest mug I have) & let it cool, refrigerate overnight, steeping the whole time. That way I get a second use out of my harvest. It's usually not as strong but is also already cold so I don't use as much ice. I'm loving it. It's very relaxing & calming & no caffeine. Both lavender & chamomile are calming, soothing, balancing. However, chamomile shouldn't be consumed in the early stages of pregnancy as it can stimulate menstrual flow. I don't find that drinking 3-4 glasses bothers me but that much chamomile could, perhaps. It's a diuretic & they're both very calming. I'd definitely save it for when you'll be staying home, not operating heavy equipment (laughing - have you read warnings on some medicines?). It's great for summers before bed! Or if you just want to relax during the day.

Worthiness

My message, blessing, & healing today was the final knowledge that I'm of worth just because I am. Deep inside me all my life was the feeling that my only worth was equal to my service to others. The world is really good at reinforcing this! We get messages all the time through many sources. We're told to give to others, do for others. We're told to work for what we want, then reward ourselves. When we do those things, wonderful things happen to us, which further reinforces the messages. When I was younger I was a giver out of fear of the Old Testament God. Eventually I simply became a giver from the heart. If you read the blog about heart vs. head you'll get the context. Still, deep inside I had that persistent belief.

I tried to give this healing a paragraph in the heart/head blog & twice it disappeared. I didn't know why. Those who know me & the computer will understand that it got to the point that I couldn't keep trying, reading through the blog, etc. I believe it's complete & in good form as is now. I kept at the message because although it was difficult to articulate, I knew it was important (the whole heart/head thing). I understood there was a reason I wasn't to share the full healing there & now I know why. Worthiness is such an important subject in itself, deserving it's own, stand-alone full blog.

"Ask & it shall be given unto you." I started asking on Tuesday, twice, & once so far today. Thanks to Pam, I'm asking for the abundance, balance, & healing (emotional & physical) I need. I'm also asking for a continuing home for the cats & me together, a livelihood from my talents, & the financial freedom to do the work I'm being called to do & the things on my heart. You have to ask for all you want, but you can't be too specific. Don't box God in with specifics because what He has for you is far greater than you can imagine.

God sets the stage for all of us in advance & it's all waiting for us to just ask with intent. So I was led to sign up for Mary A. Hall's 22 days of abundance healing program. It includes 10 live conference calls & today was one. At first my head was blocking the Love pouring down on us, saying all sorts of silly things including how this would look to others not following a spiritual path! I started praying earnestly for my heart to open to receive & was given a beautiful vision. Plus, Mary started uttering all the very words I needed to hear! She talked about wellbeing, which is purposefully part of my company name. She also said that those of us who feel we have to earn blessings & love are blocking it! She said we'll never get it that way, it will always be limited. She said we ARE the Love & the Love is us & in us. She said it's there for each of us just because we are. And she called for the healing to continue through the day.

Right after that I processed the message that I'd been in my head instead of my heart, recorded the vision & what Mary had said, then wrote my blog. While writing my blog, I stopped to think about how deep rooted & long standing my belief about myself was, the one about my worth. I finally realized that it started with my mother when I was very little. Most people don't have the dramatic dysfunction that I lived, but many givers also feel it's their only worth. You need to find out why so you can cast it off. "The truth shall set you free." It's so true! Now I know where it came from, I realize how invalid it is. However, in me the message was so deep-rooted that even though I knew how I'd been treated as I child, I didn't link that unworthy feeling to the treatment. So you may have it in your head but find it's so deep rooted as a false truth that it persists. That's why I'm telling you this.

What I finally know now is this. I am of great worth because I am me. God created me to be highly intelligent & functional, creative, talented, funny, caring, loving, a great teacher, etc. He created me with a skill set for a purpose. He does that with each of us. Those happen to be some of mine. To those whom He gives much, He asks much, but He equips each of us. If I were to be a builder, He would have perhaps given me carpentry or electrician skills. He creates us & equips us for the jobs He has for us, then gives us free will. I have chosen to give my self & my gifts in service to others. That doesn't change with this healing, but now more than ever, it will be my choice rather than an obligation felt somewhere within. It will be entirely from Joy & Love, rather than any residual fear. My worth is not that I give but that I am. I've chosen to give. So too, you each have worth!

Now I'll share the beautiful vision. At first Mary was sharing with us an enveloping blanket of Love, which I couldn't feel. That's when I prayed. She then talked of us falling into it. A moment later I saw the biggest, deepest pile of beautiful, long, white feathers that was going to cradle & envelop me when I fell into it. Then I knew they were the feathers of the angels. God told them to shed feathers for me, & every feather was an angel's tear. All the angels in the universe were shedding some feathers, their tears for the pain I've carried. And then I finally felt how loved I truly am.

Heart vs. Head

Boy have I been off track for about 2 weeks! I had an incredible high at the beginning of the month, then regressed so much! I realized today that I'd been turning off my heart & listening to my head. At the beginning of the month, I was entirely in my heart.

I wasn't entirely turning off my heart, fortunately. I couldn't have brought you the blogs I have this month if I was, for one thing. But each day my head took over more & more & I had low energy. I wasn't able to reach out to help those I'd pledged to help & that made it worse. It got so bad that on Monday I had to ask my friend to tell me that I'm worthy of being alive & lovable, not an oxygen thief! She'd just gotten done telling me, spontaneously, all I've done for her & how grateful she is. I'm aware of that, & profoundly grateful to have been able to do that for her. I'm profoundly grateful to have made such an impact on her life & the lives of others through her. All I did was love her, listen, support her, encourage her, & all the while, she was doing the same for me. She is in a similar state of being now, & we did it for each other. In some ways I got there quicker because I became attuned to Reiki way before she did. I became one with a local Reiki community & gained a whole support system early on. Then I shared with her & she followed my path & created her own. Now we stand beside each other on the path.

I was so far gone on Monday that even that wasn't enough. I gave her the hardest question - tell me so that I know it inside, how & why I am lovable & worthy just because I am me, not for what I do for others. After a pause (& I did my old "fill the space," "try to let her off the hook for that one"), she described her love for me, & it's that unconditional love I was talking about. She loves my laugh, just hearing my voice, hearing my stories about the lightning bugs & the cats, loves to see my Facebook photos in which I'm smiling, loves to hear my smile & make me smile. Then I realized that I am worthy, to be so loved. Folks, one thing you need to understand. I've never set eyes on this woman! I "met" her through Facebook games last year when I was using them to relax & escape what I was living. Just less than a year ago we began chatting on Facebook personally. Her kindness & spirit came through in those little communications you can develop when gifting through the games, & she seemed to be hurting & I reached out to her. Eventually she accepted that & told me what was wrong, & it struck a chord - she was getting separated toward a divorce. He was a lot like my ex so we quickly found common ground. By the time she accepted my overtures, I was in real need too & we helped each other. God can use all kinds of ways to bring into our lives the people we need when we need them. One lesson here is that when you extend simple kindness & give of yourself to others, you usually end up benefiting at least as much as they do!!!

But back to heart vs. head. I've been hearing about "being in your heart, not your head" in the spiritual community & not quite getting the concept. I've also been hearing about integrating your heart & head, making them one. What does it all mean & how do you know which you're listening to? When my head was in control I was low energy, unable to reach out to help others much, wasn't really growing much spiritually. I felt vaguely sick & tired a lot. I was full of fear, felt burdened & like the tasks before me are impossible. But me being me, I didn't recognize that at all. I've talked about this before - I often don't feel my emotions if they're not of the most positive. I usually have no trouble feeling love, joy, happiness, etc. Those are the ones I nurture, bring to the forefront. But I also tend to be "Miss Mary Sunshine" & focus on optimism & suppress what doesn't fit. I suppress anger, fear, etc. Folks, that's not healthy! You have to acknowledge those feelings, find the cause, then resolve them. Suppression doesn't solve anything. Wallowing isn't good, but you do have to acknowledge them, maybe even vent them, give them their due & attention, then resolve them so you can be healed. Otherwise they create internal disease - which is dis-ease, plus they arise over & over again. They haunt you.

When your heart is in control you feel love, joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment, & gratitude, & you experience creativity. Many think creativity comes from the mind but it's the mind working from the heart. So if you understand anything about the creative process, you can use that to understand how the heart & head/mind can be made to work as one. When the heart is in control you experience all these things no matter what your life circumstances are at the moment. You understand that whatever is happening in your life right now is what needs to happen & that your greater good will come from it. ALL of it!

Setting your intent does truly work to manifest. After talking with Pam, that feeling of my only worth being my service became prominent. Also, I started asking for myself too. My choice of how to set my intent is prayer twice a day. It's how I start my day & end it. That finally led, today while writing this, to uncovering the cause of the feeling, which has enabled profound healing of which I'm very grateful. If your intent is to put your heart in control & experience all the fruits & blessings, you are then able to enrich your own life & the lives of others. All you have to do is set the intent. Once you recognize the differences between being in your heart & head, you become more aware of the war between them most of us suffer at some point. The more you put your heart in control through intent & awareness, the more your heart will seek what you need. Eventually, as you work through this, your head becomes a function of your heart. The war is over & you are truly more at peace within yourself.

Old post that somehow never got posted, from May - has good ideas

Read my blog 5 days a week because I'm full of it! Well, full of creative ideas, actually :) Today is about gardening, herbs, & flowers.

I'll start out by sharing an idea I came up with years ago. I plant some of my herbs in the glass carafes from automatic coffee makers - the ones I'm going to try to keep alive over the winter in the house. Currently I have 2 so I kept a peppermint & a spearmint plant alive in them over the winter. You can leave the carafes outside during the normal growing season or have them indoors for convenience, to harvest as often as you wish. But, I learned the hard way not to leave them in a vulnerable place outside. The rest of the ones I'd collected had delicate lavenders in them & the lawn guy broke them all with the weed whacker! They were on a wall, not in the grass so I thought they were safe. Now I keep them on the deck with the plastic planters I've bought. Even those aren't safe anywhere around someone wielding a weed whacker! Anyway, these carafes look really neat in your kitchen or dining room with your kitchen herbs in them! They'd even make a nice gift with any plant in them, for the elderly or as a "welcome to the neighborhood" or housewarming gift. Whenever I see one at a yard sale, flea market, or Good Will, I buy it. You can also find very inexpensive jars or baskets in such places, to dress up a plant you've rooted from your own or bought.

Now to gardening. In addition to lavender, rosemary, & chamomile as mentioned yesterday, I always grow sweet basil (my favorite culinary herb after rosemary), peppermint, spearmint, & flowers. Depending on space, time, & money, I also grow other basil varieties, lemon thyme, lemon verbena (which I absolutely adore), lemon grass, & other herbs. I don't cook much anymore so I usually dry my herbs & use lemon verbena, lemon grass, lemon balm, & mints in teas. I do manage to use all my basil & rosemary in summer recipes - usually pair all my basil with fresh tomatoes, use rosemary when I grill. I used the last of my rosemary to make flavored vinegars & olive oils last year! I haven't used my vinegar yet but loved using my olive oil so much that I'll make more this year. Here are the recipes I used:

*Rosemary Infused Olive Oil - 1 c. olive oil & 5-6 fresh rosemary springs (5" long)
Combine both in heavy saucepan, cover & heat on medium-low for 5 minutes. Remove from heat, cool to room temperature. Transfer sprigs to 4 oz. bottles or cruets, add the oils (makes 2) & seal. You can refrigerate it for up to one month. (I used a canning jar so I could just spoon out the amount I need.)

*Rosemary Vinegar - 2 1/2 c. white wine vinegar, 6 Tbsp chopped fresh rosemary, plus some whole springs ---
Bring vinegar to a boil in a saucepan, pour over the chopped rosemary in a jar. Cover & leave to infuse for 3 days. Strain, pour into a clean, dry bottle, & add a sprig of rosemary for decoration & further flavoring.

In addition to essential oils & their properties, I'm very interested in the medicinal benefits of herbs & have some books, have taken a course. When I formulate, I bring that knowledge with me also. As time goes on I'll probably work with herbs more. My problem is: I like to self-grow the herbs I use & I haven't had the garden or physical capacity to do that. I know where to buy quality essential oils but not where to buy quality herbs for product use in bulk.

My favorite flowers are roses, lilacs, violas (miniature pansies), & snap dragons (because I love to snap their mouths!). When my only son was sent to Iraq for his second tour of duty, I planted lots of yellow flowers in all the varieties I loved. It was my version of "tie a yellow ribbon." I also planted several Chicago Peace rose bushes (petals are yellow & pink), & dried all the petals for personal potpourri & "medicine bags." When I lived on a farm near Hagerstown, Maryland during the first decade of this century, I had about 50 rose bushes I'd planted, countless beds of lavender, many pots of herbs & annuals, a memorial shade garden, & a vegetable garden. I'd also planted 3 lilac bushes, a spirea bush (I call it a bridal bouquet bush), & 5 peonies. My roses were a great learning experience & worthy of a separate post. So we'll talk more about roses & gardening tomorrow.

I love to cut & arrange my roses, then dry the petals for use in potpourri. I love dried flower arrangements too, & making grapevine wreaths (as in, harvesting the vines, twisting interesting wreaths, then decorating them). I love gardening from the digging to the harvest, then creating with the results - food or bouquets & then making something with the dried product. I love the scents, the feel of the plants, having created something living, breathing, growing, & beneficial. That's what I'm about & what is at the heart of my business.

"I'm Only Human" - But Happiness Is A Choice

Whole bunches of people admire me for my attitude & the way I've handled what happened last Fall. I'm proud of me too! Instead of letting what happened defeat me, I took on all the work & responsibility & I've worked very hard. I also developed a very positive attitude & outlook. If you haven't read back far enough, I took on the care of my very abusive mother after my now ex stole her life savings. I also put him in jail for it. I had/have no job, no savings, only past due bills & responsibility, an overwhelming mess to get through.

Reading my blog you might think I consider myself to be just about perfect. That is so far from the truth! I get overwhelmed, down, have periods of low energy, exhausted, just like you do. I have times of self-doubt. I used to have bouts of self-pity, anger, resentment. "I'm only human" is too often used as an excuse, but it's true that we ARE only human.

One of the differences between me & many others is that I make a conscious choice over & over to be happy. On hard days it has to be a moment by moment choice rather than a daily one. I have made the choice to be grateful & the choice to be happy. These are 2 different things but work together. The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor. The choice to be happy is that I choose to dwell on the things that make me happiest instead of all the rest.

The choice to be happy is rather simple. I put things in my life & hold things in my life that have the power to bring me joy. I've learned to take pleasure in many of the little things in life & to acknowledge the simple but profound gifts. I've learned the art of taking care of myself a lot with a little. If you need the big things & wait for them, your life is going to be one of unending disappointment. One thing I do is stop to smell the roses - literally. My poor little bush will probably only produce a single, small rose this year but it's such a sweet one! It was ready today & is in my favorite vase with the special pink & white baby's breath I've managed to keep alive year after year. Every time I pass through the kitchen, I stop & smell it, admire my bouquet. Another thing I do is appreciate the wonder around me, pay attention, acknowledge it. I stop & savor the honeysuckle in the air, the scent of someone grilling, the smell when someone's cutting grass. Every evening I take time to enjoy the light show around me - dozens & dozens of lightning bugs! Lately I've had lightning bugs land on me, a female hummingbird flying around me, butterflies flying near me. I know these are uncommon occurrences & so I pay attention, look them up in Ted Andrew's book, "Animal Totems." You don't have to be spiritual to have at least a little belief when something rare occurs like that, & keeps happening. I'm rewarded each time with messages of victory coming from the ashes, of overcoming & the ability to make good things happen. I take all that very personally, as a promise. That's part of taking care of myself & holding good things close. Every time I get an email from someone telling me he or she is proud of me, or some other special message of affirmation, I save it in an email file called "positive affirmations." Before email was invented & to this day, I journal such things. I use them when I need them. When I've been bombarded by someone who wanted to annihilate me, these have been my weapons to defeat his/her purpose from within. I haven't allowed anyone to keep me down forever despite major bombardments through long periods of life, from 3 of the 4 major authority figures in my life. I used every little act of love from others, held them in my heart, used them to affirm what I knew somewhere inside about whether I was lovable & worth living. Despite the onslaughts, I was able to flourish some outside the situation, more so after escaping. Each time they came, I was stronger, had a better sense of self. In the meantime, I'd also attracted many more people who affirmed me. You attract what you put out there. I was putting love out there except when it came to authority figures, so I was getting love. I was putting out real, true love, & that's what I was getting from others.



Which brings me to gratitude & attitude. I was just outside looking with pleasure at the blossom on my tomato plant. It's the promise of a tomato in the future! I'm not focusing on the fact that the plants aren't producing a bunch of blossoms. I'm focusing on that one blossom, as well as the 3 tomatoes already growing on the 2 plants. I'm noticing the progress of my basil, which I'll have with the tomatoes. I'm grateful for & focused on the little blessings. I also think about where I might have the opportunity to buy really good tomatoes this summer to supplement what I grow, & how I might help my plants do better. So I'll repeat what I said earlier. The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor.

I've learned about growing tomatoes from each failed attempt. This is the first time my plants have gotten this far! I learn all the time about things I have an interest in, & I keep trying with the things I deem to have worth. I don't try them all every year. Many years I just grew cherry tomatoes because they're easy & I've always been successful. But I'm back to big ones this year, armed with more knowledge & better plants. And trying again gives me the opportunity to learn more, plus to come closer to success. I've mostly learned from admiring the tomatoes grown by others. People love praise & are quick to share their success tips with you! That's a quick example of a little kindness bringing reward!

Attitude is everything! Truly! If you're always waiting for the next blow to come, that's what you're focused on & what you're going to get. I hear it all the time in blogs & on Facebook: "What now." "Not again!" "I made it through today. Wonder what tomorrow's going to hit me with!"

First, I believe in my ability to handle whatever happens, one way or another. I can handle it myself or I can get help. I believe that because I've chosen to notice that I've proven it over & over. I've chosen to therefore believe it. That doesn't mean I enjoy any of it - plunging a nasty clogged toilet on Saturday, then having to bring my most stubborn cat in after my mother didn't listen & let him out, then having the kitten I'm trying to acclimate take 3 steps back. In fact, those situations drained my energy for the evening, coming one after another. But I made the choice to regroup. I spent an hour doing something I promised to do to give to another, less fortunate person. Then I took the rest of the night off & watched movies on TV. I honored my commitment to myself to take some time off on Saturdays, even though I'm so behind on things & it's bothering me. Choices!!!!!!! I can't say it enough. It's all about CHOICE. It's a series of choices & you have to make the healthiest ones you can for your self, your life, your soul. Often healthy choices are relative, by the way. Part of my movie night was candy & popcorn because I haven't entirely moved away from thinking of that as a great treat & way to relax. It's a process. I very seldom do it any more, when I used to do it every Friday & Saturday. I suffered for it, too. I'm working on adjusting my insulin so I don't run out before more money comes in (another choice) & I started a yo-yo of highs & lows that continued into Sunday. I'm learning from that too. I choose to learn from lesser choices & the consequences, rather than think of them as life hitting me again.

When "life" "hits" me with things, it's an opportunity. I take whatever steps I can to protect myself from it happening again. I put a box in front of the door my mother left open when she let the cat out, as a reminder. I've learned telling her does no good. Instead of anticipating what bad is going to happen next, I try to anticipate what might arise again so I can prevent it. And when I can't I learn from it, accept it, handle it, move on. I don't dwell on it except long enough to learn from it, see how I can fix it, prevent future events like it. Because that's how I approach things, it doesn't take long to do that. I'm certainly not anticipating the next blow, I'm working to prevent another one along the same lines. I don't then expect something different to happen to hurt or inconvenience me, I'm too focused on making this one right & moving on. Then I move onto the stuff that I wanted to do in the first place, & focus on that. I pretty much stay in the here & now that way. If you're in the moment, just living what's happening, you aren't anticipating the next blow. You're enjoying what you're doing now, or finding better ways to get through it at least. Then you have the satisfaction of having gotten it done & you know what you're capable of in the future when needed.

Our lives are the sum of the choices we make. If it takes 30 minutes to get to work in the summer but traffic is worse during the school year, you can adapt or get into trouble at work after awhile. We learn all the time if we pay attention, & that's a choice as well as what we do with the information. And all we can control is our own choices. I've learned that if I keep a live catnip plant in the house, it's gone in a day or two, never grows back. I've also learned that the ones from the pet store don't do well. This year I bought 3 quality plants (Bonnie, a common herb distributor) & keep them outside. I've learned to bring them in for a few hours, then take them back out before bedtime. The cats don't know not to eat them to the roots, & love to chomp in the night. This way the plants regenerate before I bring them back in, & the cats get a treat each time they do. Simple choice from what I've learned, that makes us all very happy. My intention was to provide them the pleasure as much as possible so I paid attention, learned the lesson, & follow through with my choices.

 The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor. Yes, I've said it a third time. I have a true attitude of gratitude when I have a chance to learn & make choices. When I was an abused kid, I didn't have the opportunity to make choices to change my life. All I could do was deal with it, find ways to cope & survive. Many don't have the ability to change what's happening! So those of us who do need to make those choices & be grateful that we can!!! That can't be achieved with a "what next" attitude of negativity. That's self limiting & such a terrible shame! You're abusing yourself with that attitude! And you'll get exactly what your heart & mind are focused on! Instead, look at everything that happens as an opportunity to learn, grow, make your life better & better the lives of others.

I just had to spend $500 to fix the air conditioner on my car. I'm not looking for the next thing to go wrong with it. I'm realizing that it's a 16 year old car & that I've seldom had to do any repairs. I'm realizing that it's the cost of one car payment only, & that I bought myself X amount more time without car payments by having the work done. I appreciate my car & give thanks all the time, have even given it a loving nickname in appreciation for the service its given me. I truly enjoy driving my car so I drive with care & take care of it. I expect it to start, deliver me, & I enjoy the knowledge I have of the car & handling. And that's what I get from it. I didn't have the money to spend on it & now I'm working on eeking out my insulin until the end of the month because it's $200. But I'm not focused on what I don't have or the negative - I'm focused on how I can work things out to pay the bills & provide what we need for the rest of the month. I'm making choices & taking positive action. You can't do that if you're mired in the negative. I've chosen to be grateful for the car & having a working air conditioner again, which freed my mind to work out the insulin situation. I have room to work with it because I take 2 different insulins & have plenty of one type, just not the other. Who knows what I might learn from this?

That's the thing - there's potential for positive to come out of negatives, if we have an attitude of gratitude & are open to receiving. John Walsh lost his son & for 23 or 28 some years hosted "America's Most Wanted," which led to the capture of so many criminals of the worst sort. His son's death remains a terrible tragedy but he used his experience for a such a positive outcome for so many. We actually tend to learn & grow more from the negatives in our lives than from the positives, so all the negatives are opportunities if we're open. Bemoaning them just gives them more power, is an invitation to be further hurt. Taking control of them to learn from them & transform them when possible gives YOU the power over your life. It puts you in control of the only thing we can control - our actions & reactions. And yes, we CAN control our reactions! My initial reaction to the backed up toilet was "ick, why now, not me." But I quickly changed that to, "OK, I've got a plunger & I know how to use it." I got the job done, then rewarded myself for a nasty job accomplished quickly & now over. I didn't learn anything new from that one, just reinforcement of the message that I'm capable, my ex was wrong about me, & I certainly don't need him around the house. More of the message that I can handle life & the things that occur. I changed my initial reaction, went into action, & registered the message/lesson. I therefore grew just a little bit from the backed up toilet. And so I'm grateful. Not wildly, but still, grateful. I'm not sure I needed that lesson again, but maybe I did. I'm looking forward to the next day of lessons too. Usually they're delivered in a more pleasant way these days because I AM open, grateful, making the most of them. Because I'm listening & paying attention, they're more often butterflies & hummingbirds than less pleasant ones. My attitude of gratitude is bringing me what I'm putting out there!

What Sets My Products Apart From The Rest

It's that "attention to detail." My son & I used to laugh about that phrase all the time because my ex used it, then missed important details regularly & we'd tease him. But seriously, when you buy things I've made you get - me! I'm certainly human, but I put a personal touch into everything I do & one of the benefits is my attention to detail.

For example, I received a contract to make 10 lavender flax seed face pillows for a local yoga instructor to give to her students. She wanted a deep purple fabric in a blue shade of purple. First, being a painter, I know the difference. At the fabric store I found the perfect fabric but it had lighter purple swirls, clusters of gold stars, & white stars on it. Even though I knew she'd love it, I called & cleared it with her first. It's such a great fabric that I bought the rest of the roll so I could use it in the ones I sell for retail. I couldn't find the right shade of purple ribbon for it, but found gold that matches the stars & the pillows look great!

She carries my products in her yoga studio so I also made extra pillows for her to sell, as the lavender & the lavender/chamomile blend are new. But I made those in the blue fabric I used for all the rest she has for sale, not the purple. This way, for now at least, in her studio the purple is exclusive to the gift she gives her students. She appreciated that I'd done that. She used to buy these pillows from an online source of yoga supplies. Their bulk price is similar to mine but my pillows are much more attractive, & she had total input into what she was getting by buying from me. She always will. I can't control the fabrics for sale but I care enough to research & shop & meet specifications as much as I can. I'm an individual making products & running a business rather than a corporation of employees mass producing & filling orders.

I can make products for general consumption when there's a demand. The lavender face pillow is an example. Lots of people make them, but I had requests. I was more than willing, in part because I'm passionate about lavender. When I have a keen interest & I believe or hear there's a market, I will be adding more of these types of general items to my product line. As long as it's fun & I like it & I know it has value... But one of the things that sets my products apart is that I do what no one else I know of is doing - I custom blend by request for special needs. I take into account the whole person & I have the knowledge needed to do it. I also blend for specific problems that aren't being covered in the marketplace with safe, natural ingredients.

When you buy my products you get the sum of all my knowledge. I'm a listener. When you say "menopause" or "fibromyalgia," I call on my knowledge of the many symptoms involved. As a listener, I've heard - you & others, both what is said & what hasn't been. I ask questions. Then I use my great research skills to look up causes, symptoms, & all things that can be helpful including vitamins, supplements, foods, environmental factors, as well as the remedies or things that ease symptoms. Then I begin deciding on a blend based on the properties of the individual oils & how they support the body in the areas needed. I have a tried & true set of essential oil references, my own reference notebook of countless articles, & a newer book that covers different modalities like herbalism, Chinese herbalism, flower essences, etc. When I find a new reference or article of value, I add it to my library. I also research on the internet, knowing you can find a few good sources & have to weed out the rest.

I also have a working knowledge of prescription drugs & the side effects. I have been a prescription advocate, one who helps those in need navigate the free drug programs offered by drug companies. I have a working knowledge of supplements too, including information on how safe they are, how they're derived, etc. That's one of the reasons I sell Shaklee products - the quality of their supplements. Finally, I have a little knowledge of herbalism, & learn more as time goes on. I combine all my knowledge to work for your highest good with my products. Otherwise, I'd still just be making a few things for friends, family, & myself based on need, as I did for 15 years.

CWF Products Get Great Reviews - & Rx For A Great Bath!

Last night my new lavender, and lavender/chamomile flax seed face pillows were a hit! One woman said she wanted to climb into the bag with the lavender/chamomile blend because it smelled so good. They were attracting everyone, & I sold out!

I also heard again from an eczema sufferer about how much my Skin -eze lotion bar has helped her. She's planning to reorder in the future. One woman bought my Purr in a Bottle (relaxation) bath salts & was telling me how she loves it & uses it. She's a nurse & uses it when she doesn't have to go to work the next day, can sleep in, since it so relaxes her. I've also heard from someone who bought the Zzzzzzz Linen Spray. It smells like Hawaii to her so she loves the scent. It took a few days to really make a difference for her, but then began doing the trick (for her insomnia). Then she bought one of the lavender face pillows last night - so she definitely likes my products. I'm saving the emails coming in to use as testimonials when I get the website working.

I am the queen of the soak/bath. I am a sensualist (which is different from sexual, as you know - that information is private). One thing I love to do when living without air conditioning in the summer is take a shower in water that's as cool as comfortable. I do this at night, hopefully with a little evening breeze coming through the windows. I leave the bathroom door open for optimum air flow. I used to have a window by the shower in the house I owned when I started this & that was perfect. No such luck here! I leave the lights off - just have enough indirect lighting from another room so I'm safe getting in & out of the shower. That started when in the bathroom with the window, but I've continued it because it added to the feeling of coolness. I feel totally refreshed, cleansed, relaxed, cooled, & ready for bed when done. It's lovely to get into fresh sheets after washing off the sweat of the day, much easier to sleep. This cools & relaxes me enough to help me then sleep well despite the lack of proper cooling.

I also love, especially in winter, long hot baths. I use one of my homemade bath salts, & my collection of aids. I have an extra long bath mat I purchased online, later found at Bed, Bath & Beyond. It covers the entire floor of the standard tub. I have a bath pillow that is comfortable to my back & head. I also have an overflow drain cover. It's by Better Bath & called "Deep Water Bath." I just looked it up online & found several sales sources through Google. I can't recommend this enough if you like to soak up to your neck. It has suction cups to hold it in place - is easy to place & remove each time. It allows you to fill the tub practically to the rim. Just be sure you leave room for your body to displace water! The long bath mat allows me to lay back in the tub on my bath pillow & not slip down into the water. It's also nice for showers because no matter where I walk in the tub, I've got mat. Once the tub is full I lay back & enjoy fully, lean my head back, sink down to my neck. I don't entirely fit but I rotate what part of my legs are exposed if I need to soak muscle aches. I love having my shoulders in the water, the warmth & bath salts up to my neck.

Sometimes I read while I soak. Sometimes I just turn on a night light or light a candle or two, shut my eyes. I really don't recommend this, but at times I've fallen asleep for awhile like this. The mat & my position keeps me from sliding in. Besides it not being safe, when I've awakened, the water had cooled more than I wanted & I was reluctant to expose skin to wash, get out, etc. The final bit of luxury I recommend is a really large terrycloth bath robe. Mine came from Victoria's Secret many years ago & I sometimes even travel with it. I don't towel dry. I put my towel on the bath rug to step out on, use it just for touch ups. I put my terrycloth bath robe (very thick, luxurious terrycloth - don't bother with a cheap, thin one) on the minute I step out, sit on the toilet lid for a few minutes, & let the robe warm & dry me.

With these ideas & by buying quality bath aids, you can turn your bathroom into your retreat area. You can turn bathing into a relaxing treat, a reward for your hard work, a way to unwind & really give to yourself. You deserve the best!

Practical Advice - How to "Go With The Flow" - Part I

First, all you're ever going to get from me is practical advice. Second, I have no idea when I'm going to post part 2. I only know that one time on this subject isn't nearly enough. As usual, something I read (or something going on in my life) prompted this post. I'll start this off with what I read today, written on June 1 by Kate Ann Spreckley. Kate is a Spiritual Healer and Teacher from Cape Town, South Africa.  Kate offers private consultations, group channelings, workshops and teachings, all of which can be viewed on the readings page of this website -  http://www.spiritpathways.co.za/about.html. This is the first I've heard of her. This was forwarded to me & again, I just got around to reading it.  

"To expand your consciousness and experience and live within a state of Divine Love, you are required to first forgive yourself for who you are, and the seemingly wrong choices you may have made.  If you understand that you have chosen this life to grow, develop and evolve, you can accept that your experiences, choices and decisions have facilitated this process.  Once you recognise that the many ‘wrong’ choices and decisions you may have made have led you to exactly where you have needed to be to awaken, to heal and to transform, forgiveness of self becomes effortless.  Forgiveness is not a state of mind it is a state of being, a feeling that when felt for the self births compassion.  Once you feel compassion for who you were, you are then able to learn to love who you have become."

And of course, this fits perfectly with what I was saying in yesterday's blog & several others. That's how I've healed from my past & can no longer be a victim. That's how I've been able to be grateful for my present circumstances & all that brought me here. It's allowed me to forgive myself & all others. Truly forgive them, to love them for who & what they are, as they are. That doesn't mean I have to want to share myself or my time with them in any way. But it means I have true love for them in my heart. Another word for that is compassion, & may be more understandable. And that is part of how I got "into the flow."

So, part of "going with the flow" is accepting everything that happens with grace. Everything! We can't do it all the time because we're human, but we CAN entirely change our outlook on life. If you understand that God can redeem every experience & help us use it for our good, you can accept the things that happen in your life. I struggled in my early adulthood with those questions of how God lets "bad" things happen to "good" people, how much He controls what goes on in our lives, how to get what I wanted from Him from prayer, how to know Him... I drove myself crazy with it! I drove myself away from Him with it!!! I caused myself years of misery, on the outside, because I wasn't in touch & in tune. Now I'm very much an "insider" because I understand. I don't believe He causes car accidents, murders, cancer, etc. I don't believe He gives us these things as trials to teach us either, to refine us by fire, etc. I don't believe they're punishment. I believe a lot of what happens to us is simply the cause & effect of life on earth. We all have free will so the free will of drunken drivers sometimes causes heartache to others. Drunk driving is intentional behavior, intentional disregard of self & others. Many people practice disregard in various ways, even to something as simple & seemingly individual as choosing to smoke.

There's more to my belief system but they're my personal beliefs & I won't go into them here. But I do want to say that God is not vengeful & He doesn't set out to teach us lessons by adversity. God is Love! But He's not a "get out of jail free" card. He doesn't wave a magic wand & give us all we ask for. In fact, He largely doesn't "do" for us. He gives us the tools to do for ourselves, & expects us to. He's not going to get your job back once you're fired for not doing your job. If you're open & learn a lesson from it, if you work for it, you'll find a job you're better at. "Going with the flow" is not staying stuck in the past, not allowing yourself to be defeated by circumstances. It's learning from & moving forward, looking for what's better for you that's out there. It's possibility thinking, for one thing.

Possibility thinking is simply creativity in action. Creativity in thinking is "going with the flow" of the universe. The universe is creativity in action - all was created by just a thought - God's. He's given us that same ability to create - each of us. So if we look at all that happens as an opportunity, if we are grateful for all that's in our lives, even the "bad," instead of getting stuck & limiting ourselves, we begin to see the possibilities. Easier said than done. If you're stuck, just talk to God, until you begin to talk WITH God. Talk to Him & listen until you've done it enough that it becomes a conversation. Your heart & soul will expand & you'll be able to see clearly, begin to understand yourself, your life, how to change your circumstances.

Another way to start "going with the flow" is to move from your head into your heart & speak & do from your heart. If you think about it, you can tell the difference between thinking with your head vs. your heart. When you're actually in the flow, your heart works with your head as one. The way to engage your heart & disengage your head until that happens is to practice listening & doing from your heart. That's truly all. Your heart & soul will expand, fill with joy, & soon it becomes first nature rather than something you have to think about.

Finally, you ultimately control your world to a large degree. Thoughts truly DO become things. For you, for me, for God - it's one of the greatest laws of the universe. There's a really great website I'd like you all to go to - www.tut.com. At the top tab click on "shop," then from the choices click on the audio/visuals. Go down to "Thoughts Become Things" & either get the DVD or the CD. This guy was featured on "The Secret," so touted by Oprah Winfrey. I found "The Secret" to be too simplistic, too "pie-in-the-sky" for me to try to do much with. I've read whole books on turning thoughts into things that turned me off because they were so much work, & self-disciplineish. (How's that for a new word.) I'm a very free spirit so that kind of thing pushes me away. But I learned tons from watching this DVD, & a dear friend got just as much from the CD. He tells you very easy, quick, practical ways to marshal your thoughts to get them working for you instead of against you. While on the site, you might also sign up for his 5 messages per week. When I first signed up for them, I was self-defeating. I discounted all the messages as coming from a person & going out to all, & didn't take them seriously. That was a few months ago. Now I look forward to them every day, miss them on weekends. They are whimsical & truly make me think, inspire me, make me laugh, & almost all are "keepers." Many stay in my inbox so I'll reread them regularly. And they're always spot on with what's going on in my consciousness & in my life, because I actually AM in the flow.     

What Is Unconditional Love Really?

Those who think about it say they want it. Some people claim to give it to us, & some do. Few understand what it really means.

The truest & purest form of unconditional love is not just loving people for themselves, all parts of them. That's just part of the truest unconditional love. Even that part carries a lot of subtle wonders. Basically, it's loving all of someone as he/she is. It's when you know that person through & through & love the "bad" as well as the "good." Mostly it's not seeing "bad" or "good." You love that person as a whole. You find ways to accept the annoying. It makes you chuckle instead of wince most of the time. You listen to the annoying laugh & smile to yourself because it's a characteristic you've come to know in your loved one. You patiently listen through the convoluted story-telling because you're listening to the voice of your loved one sharing with you. And if you can't listen patiently this time because of something in your life, you set your boundary for that moment in love & gentleness. Because unconditional love is NOT accepting all part of a person every minute of every day. It's also "calling" someone on something he needs to be made aware of - in love. That's the true meaning of constructive criticism, a whole other important subject. Criticism is only constructive if you have no personal agenda with the person or at the time. It's calling a truth to the person's awareness for her own good in the most loving way possible.

My daughter gave me an interesting look at this aspect of unconditional love on the phone the other day. She lives in Maryland & I live in Pennsylvania so we don't see each other that many times a year. She last saw me at the beginning of April & I was asking her about how I appeared then. I had been noticing at the time that I'd really aged during the first part of 2011. I wanted to know if she'd noticed, & she hadn't. She said when she looks at me she just sees me, not how I look. With great appreciation I realized, big duh here - all she sees is the inner me, the REAL me. That's absolutely all she sees. That's really what unconditional love is - one aspect. Now, that doesn't mean you can't also see physical changes in the person. Some people do look at the outside also, notice details. Usually we do see at least some of the outer - we notice when someone isn't feeling well, looks tired, or especially good - we just often can't define the difference when we're really close to the person, really love unconditionally.

The purest form of unconditional love has no agenda, requires/needs nothing from the other person. This is the part that's so much more rare, is much harder to obtain & for people to understand. Last night, someone I love unconditionally was expressing concern she had about what I'd think of her, how I'd feel. Her spouse told me something about their relationship that she hadn't, out of respect for his privacy. First I assured her that boundaries are right to have - no form of love means you have to or even should share everything! There truly is TMI - either for the listener or yourself. It's right to keep some memories, experiences, feelings just to yourself, for yourself, close to your own heart!

What I told her is that not only are boundaries good, there's no way I'd feel any way at all about not being told by her. I have absolutely no needs or agenda where our relationship is concerned. She loves me the same way I love her & that's all I need from her. I have no expectations, no needs. She is enough because she is herself. Our relationship is enough, & more so. I don't "count" - in other words, I don't notice or count up imagined slights or wrongs. I don't count who calls whom or how often, who does more for whom - none of that even begins to occur to me. I don't want any "shoulds" in our relationship, because I have no needs. I have "wants" of course - I want to be in closer proximity so we can do things together, for one thing. I want frequent phone calls, visits, to give hugs. But I don't imagine those to be needs, don't put them off on her, don't put conditions on my love due to them. "Shoulds" are very ugly things. One of the best things I got out of Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings in 1990 was "don't 'should' on me" (if you aren't getting it, instead of "should" hear the word "sh--").

The only way you can be a giver of truly unconditional love that needs nothing in return is to love yourself unconditionally. That doesn't mean you have to accept every part of you as is, quit growing & changing. In fact, those who love themselves unconditionally are always growing & changing, becoming better versions of themselves. But to be in a space where you can love another without needing in return, you have to be whole within yourself. You accept yourself for who you are right here, right now. You understand who you are & how you got here, & don't "count." If you do something you regret, you learn from it, make amends if possible, & do better from then on. You don't even have to forgive yourself because you haven't condemned yourself over it in the first place. I snapped at my mother yesterday at the bank because I wasn't feeling well so my patience was down, & because of the subject matter still having a little power to bother me. I learned from it - that dealing with an adult who's mind is going is like dealing with an adult 2 year old. So I have to go back to how I handled my kids at that age & apply that love & patience here. When she's next really awake & lucid, I'll apologize, the simple apology you'd give to a 2 year old. I also took from it that I still have "triggers" on the bothersome subject & that I need to take care of my physical condition. What I didn't do was my old pattern of getting down on myself for the mistake. I used to beat myself up terribly for any time I delivered any real or imagined hurt to someone else. I'd imagine that it was my fault that people didn't call me, because of something I thought I'd done. I felt very unlovable, was very needy. I definitely needed things out of the people I was in relationships with. When you're needy, giving love is actually a grasping thing. When you're whole, giving love is truly that - the highest act of giving of yourself. It's enough all on its own - just giving the love. It fulfills itself. And when you love unconditionally, you live in a state of wonder & blessing because the more you give it the more things & beings you have that love for. It magnifies, then comes back to you magnified beyond belief!

New Products Coming Soon!

Later this week I'll have pure lavender flax seed face pillows available in purple or blue. Both are fabulous fabrics with stars on them. Face pillows are $10 each. I'll also be experimenting with a combination of just lavender and chamomile - both very relaxing, calming, soothing, and create a great balancing synergy. I'm also going to try making a tea with the two, home grown buds of course. I don't have enough to sell this blend but I'll try it hot and cold and let you know what I think. Both are readily available.

I'm about to start selling therapeutic grade essential oils that are also ingestible. It only makes sense that I sell single oils (& the company also has blends). I was researching for a friend with IBS this weekend & ingestibles are the best way to go for her. So that was my second inspiration to go ahead & do this. Sometimes I listen to opportunity before I have to be reminded a third time! Wow - that's new!

I'm also researching formulas for menopause symptoms, fibromyalgia symptoms, chronically dry & flaky skin, & chronic chapped lips. I also have fertility inducing/supporting formulas available.

If there's anything you need I don't already cover, please let me know! More on the above as they become available.

Love YouTube - You have to see this clip

To me this clip entirely fits with what I was saying in my blog yesterday. This is so beautiful that my tears haven't dried & you know I really don't cry. Please notice what is being given to him, what will be made possible for him, after he sings. He didn't go there seeking help of any kind, only because he HAS to sing, for his soul.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BewknNW2b8Y&feature=share

Law of Abundance

First, parents - please read my comment on yesterday's blog, in response to my daughter. A second aside, you CAN afford my services. Right now I charge nothing. I ask for donations based on your ability to pay & what you think my services are worth. Sometimes I simply work by exchange - a product or service for my products or services. See, I totally believe in the flow & law of abundance. If I share my talents & abilities without withholding based on money, my needs will eventually be supplied. That said, of course I prefer being directly paid as you all know the money abundance hasn't manifested yet.

Now to today's message. Yes, it's Saturday, & I usually only post during the week days. But this came to me this morning & is important. Today's blog is based on a concept I read almost 2 weeks ago & didn't entirely understand until I woke up with it this morning. That's part of the adventure my life now is - sometimes I awaken with insights, already in the flow.

Notice I said "law" not "flow" of abundance. That's because abundance is a law of nature & the universe. Abundant grass (look how often you have to mow), water (just look at oceans), trees, birds, I could make a huge list. If you don't have abundance in your life, it's only because something is blocking it. In some cases, it's because of where you live - man has removed much of the abundance in your area & replaced it with abundant asphalt & buildings. In most cases, we block our own sense of abundance or the flow. Sometimes we are blocking the sense by not appreciating what we have. Abundance is already manifested & we simply don't realize it. Exercises of gratitude clear that. All you have to do is get alone with God & start thanking Him for everything you can think of. Soon it takes over & you find more & more, can go on as long as you like. Your heart overflows & you realize all you have to be grateful for, & appreciate it all the more.

Sometimes we ourselves block the law/flow of abundance from working in our lives. Grasping for, holding onto, & worrying are the most common blockers. Grasping for is greed - taking more than we need at the expense of others. I think of one who always wanted to get rich quick, with the minimum of work & how he tried to exploit others. Somewhere between grasping for & holding onto is the buffet syndrom. Next time you're at a buffet, look around at the volume of food consumed because it's all one price. Then look at the food left on the plates to be thrown away.

Holding onto is failure to give to others out of our abundance. Hoarders are a dramatic example of that, & you can see the results on a TV show. I know about it firsthand because my mother is a hoarder & I now have the responsibility for clearing out all the excess. Folks, all I can say is those TV shows are no exaggeration & it's not that uncommon. I keep wishing I had the money spent on all the stuff I'm now clearing out for her. Remember, I had $25 just in old postage stamps the other day, posted about it. I'd already used a bunch before that! Now I'll give you 2 perfect examples of the opposite: 1) I'm not holding onto my talents or abilities based on ability to pay; 2) those who give away home grown yellow squash & zucchini. All vegetable gardeners will immediately "get" this. All of a sudden you have more than you can eat if you have a few plants. There's nothing wrong with blanching & freezing some for winter if you'll use it. But many give to those who have not & that's even better.

Worry also blocks abundance. You get what you put out. Your thoughts DO become things. If you're fixated on not having, which is what worry is, that's what you're putting out to the universe. It's self-fulfilling. Infertility is a good example. I hate that word, really want to create another, more positive word that leaves open the future possibility of fertility. Anyway, a perfect example of how worry does really block the flow is couples who have gotten pregnant after they entirely stopped trying, & adopted.

Another thing necessary for the flow of abundance is work. You can't sit on your hands & wait for things to come to you. Your hands would die from lack of circulation! Do all the work you can that comes to you. Take care of your obligations as they arise. When you are led to do something for someone, do it. Be a giver. It doesn't take money to be a giver. I'm giving you free advice & recipes in this blog regularly. If you take care of those sent to you, do the work given to you - be it your own housework & laundry, dishes, litter boxes - or a good paying job - the abundance will flow. Each week, do YOUR part, whatever that is. And be sure to include taking care of yourself - that's part of your job too, part of the flow. You aren't an unlimited quantity if you are stingy with your self & don't do the work on your self you need to - body, mind, & spirit.

Ok, I feel the need to tell you I'm a spiritualist & a Christian before I share this last bit. My life coaching is spiritually based - all my life is now. Being a Christian is personal. If you are not, I can still coach & help you. I sometimes channel Father God, for one. I sometimes channel Jesus, but I believe He probably doesn't send messages to those who don't believe in Him - that He leaves it up to others. That only makes sense. I am a psychic intuitive, teacher, guide, & a Reiki II practioner. I am a healer by nature & calling.

I was reading a message given to my spiritual community about creating & manifesting by envisioning the end scenario, holding the intention, & then moving backward in time, thought by thought. We were to remove any behaviors, thought forms, people, or situations that would block the perfect manifestation of our intention. I just couldn't picture doing that process until this morning. Then I realized - duh - that's nothing but the creative process put in different words. I've envisioned from my heart a painting called "Passion" - two people holding each other close in dance, her hot pink skirts flowing around them. I had to envision the finished painting in my mind before I could start because of my intent & how important the outcome is to me. I am painting my passion for that someone I mentioned in the post about falling in love with the universe, so my intent is very specific. First I had to decide on the size of canvas & whether I wanted to frame it. I had to picture where the figures would be, what else would be in the painting, what colors & where. I had to work backwards from the finished painting all the way down to the color wash I'd use to prepare the canvas. Another example of the creative process that reflects how to manifest this way is creating a knitting or crocheting pattern. My daughter, a friend, & I have all created our own baby blanket patterns - knitted & crocheted. We each first pictured the finished blanket - size, colors, texture, warmth, etc. Then we worked backwards - the stitch & type of yarn for the desired texture & warmth, how many stitches for the size, what size needles or hooks, etc. Each of us created a pattern that didn't exist in our world until we did the creative work, & a unique finished product from our intent. Then that pattern can be used to create over & over again. And that's an example of the flow of abundance. We could also create some financial abundance by selling our patterns or baby blankets. There are endless possibilities for abundance supply if we're just open.

New Service - Life Coaching!

This is how to get from wherever you are right now to the life you want to live! All of it!

My training is "been there, done that, overcame it." Few people have gone through all I have & lived to tell it. Not only did I not take the common "out" - suicide - I've triumphed & learned, grown.

I was raised in a small town in the early 60s by 2 bisexual women back when that was unheard of, so I was an outcast in school. My father was a stranger I only met a few times in my life & when I did he was highly critical of me. My mother sexually abused me as a child & I had no safe places. That's just for starters. Now I have sole care of her & she's totally dependent on me except financially. I have to do everything except bathe & dress her, & actually have to do some of that too. Yet I've managed to forgive & come to love her, am at peace with having her here for now, as long as her health doesn't deteriorate further. I have limits to what I am willing to do, won't be a full-time caregiver. For one thing, I can't lift her if she falls, & I'm not a nurse. When her needs reach beyond my scope, I'll have to send her to a care facility. Until then, we're finally building a relationship of mutual respect for the first time ever.

I've also moved around a lot, have had to start over in new schools in new states, right in the middle of things. Once I lost half a year of school credit doing that, went from high school sophomore classes as a freshman back to junior high because we moved to an area with 3 year high schools.

As an adult I spiraled downward in my late teens & early 20s, thanks to the sexual abuse. I married the wrong man, had kids, was miserable. When I divorced him, he used the kids to punish me & I was largely unable to protect them. He put us through 2 custody battles that lasted 18 months each - hell for all of us. All mothers can appreciate all I'm not even going into here about what that was like. But I've forgiven him & we are friendly now.

I single-parented & worked full time on a shoestring for 10 years. I struggled to give my kids the best life I could - to provide what they wanted & needed & a good home life.

Then I married the wrong man again. Turns out he was Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde plus wouldn't work. I had moved 2 hours away from everyone I knew & loved, gave up my job, my home, & my independence to live with him. He stole my mother's life savings - over $500,000 (I would have actually had a big inheritance!). I had to find the strength to put him in jail & end the bleed once I faced the fact he'd actually done it. Then I had to pick up the pieces - sole care of my mother, the debts, a house-full of mess & responsibilities he didn't take on, with no job & no money in the bank. But I've forgiven him, released him. That was just last October, & if you read the post from June 7 you see where I am today.

The point is: no matter where you are in life, I can relate. No matter what you've done or has been done to you, I can help. I can tell you how to overcome, step by step, & move on with your life. I can gently guide you into changes that will help you find peace, joy, contentment, fulfillment, & abundance.

My current client calls me her angel, truly believes that I am. She says I have the biggest & most beautiful heart she's ever known. She listens to me when I tell her stuff because she knows what I've lived & overcome. She knows I'm a triumphant survivor, & she wants that too. Of course I'm not going to give you her name, but I have references for those who need that.

I'm not anything special, any more than any one of you can be. I've had a storybook life, as in - all my adult life people have been telling me I should write a book. Instead, all I help are my book. I prefer to build people one on one at this time. I'll meet you at your point of need, personally. People are also amazed at all my various talents, & if you regularly read this blog you might be too. Just never try to compare yourself unfavorably to anyone else. You have no idea what it was like to walk in their shoes. When my life was out of balance, having many talents & the passion that goes with them was more of a burden than a blessing. And to whom much is given, much is also expected! My talents are finally nothing but excitement to me, because my life is coming into balance & I'm able to use most of them. My gift to you as a life coach, through this blog, through the products I make & the things I do, is to use these talents in service.