Back to the "Get Out of Jail Free" Card

Recently I read that our most important job on earth is to heal, clear, & release our emotions & nurture our spiritual growth & awareness. I believe that's true. We also need to make amends to those we've wronged. Only then are we really fit for the rest of what God wants & designed each of us to do. The first part we all have in common, which prepares us for the individual purpose we were each born to. That brings me back to the "get out of jail free" card.

If we don't do our self work on earth, my dad's message clearly tells me we do it in the afterlife. His second wife once received the message that dad was nurturing my half-brother, who died before he could do his healing on earth. So dad is making amends. I got no such message that he's waiting for me, but I'm still here, doing the work for myself. I'm thrilled that he's nurturing my brother - it's what I most want. It would be nice if he gives me some of that at some point, but I've done the healing & dealt with the unmet need. I'm more eager to reunite with my Grandpa Jones, who was my real daddy on earth. He was the best combination father/grandfather a girl could ever want & I never doubted his unconditional love & caring, miss him all the time. Wow! That's a breakthrough in healing right here! I've been blocking memories & awareness of his spirit around me because of the whole "no longer want a man in my life" need for healing. I'm aware of Grandma Jones, my real earth mommy & best ever grandma, all the time. I'm my grandma's daughter - my hobbies & interests, the way I conduct myself & my daily life, all gleaned from her as girls normally become products of their mothers. I've blended into a working combination of her & me & her stuff & taste is throughout my house, so her presence is all around me & within me. But I've been blocking Grandpa & really addressed that last night with a friend. As usually, less than 24 hours before resolution, & again it was painless. My heart is now fully open to him & so full of the awareness of his ongoing love & attention again!!!!!!! And now, folks, I'm truly going to cry. I've missed him so much & wasn't even aware! The only other male I've ever loved like this is my son.

Once you start achieving true healing, I believe spiritual growth & awareness is the next natural step for each of us. We gain great compassion for the pain of others & want to spare them what we went through. We want to help them get to the joy, the grace & blessings & that leads us to our growth & purpose. As we grow spiritually we are made aware of our highest purpose toward self, others & God, & we want to fulfill that. It goes way beyond "being saved" or any single belief in any single entity. It goes way beyond church attendance or following rules & principles, or just being as kind as you can to yourself & others. It's about getting in touch with & living the God within you, & honoring that in the truest sense of the word. (Look up "honoring" in a big dictionary that truly covers meaning, & a thesaurus.)

Our true measure of success is not in money or inventions or achievements. It's how far we've progressed within ourselves - our healing & spiritual growth - & how we've impacted others & the world around us. Other than natural consequences, there's no punishment for not achieving. We're all given another chance. Our worth as a person is not tied into our success - we are worthy because we are all God's creations. But the biggest & best blessings & rewards on a God-scale - joy, peace, fulfillment, happiness, contentment, love, satisfaction, excitement, abundance, true freedom, & more - only come to those who are truly successful & do the work. In the world to come, the truly successful will be the ones who retain those blessings & carry them forward with them. "You can't take it with you" is only true of material wealth & goods, not the blessings & fruits of the Kingdom.

How to Achieve Emotional Healing & Clearing

There are many ways to achieve emotional healing & clearing, depending on your comfort zone, availability & means. You can hire a hypnotist or therapist to help. We all know of people who have achieved success in weight loss or to quit smoking after going to one or the other, or to group sessions, so we see that they work. In the metaphysical community there are also many other avenues we're aware of, so I won't go into them. I'll tell you how I've been doing it.

First, by intent. I set my intent nearly a year ago on healing & overcoming, & on having my life be built around God's work for me. So that's what I've been daily seeking, have been renewing that intent daily in my actions & thoughts. I happen to pray on it first thing in the morning & last thing at night. I also listen when I pray. I pay attention to the messages all around me, most especially my own feelings & reactions about things. I pay attention to dreams, because our subconscious frequently uses them to reveal problems or solutions. I'm very open & my intent is set so I'm very aware of my actions, reactions, choices, feelings. I explore these with God, the spirits around me, my friends & family. I also journal extensively because long ago, when those first childhood memories surfaced, I discovered that for me it was the best & least painful way to handle the pain & find out what I was really feeling & thinking. My defense mechanisms are very powerful & before I really set my intent, they were very much in control. I am always willing & open to exporing my inner self so that I can heal & grow. Over time I've learned to recognize when I've only uncovered the tip of the iceberg & need to go deeper. You do learn yourself when you work at it. I've also learned to recognize when I'm ready. Some things I can't get at right away because I've only gained a glimpse. I put those things in the back of my mind, so to speak. I don't dig at that point, I let it "perk." I wait for more to surface so I have more to go on. I don't forget it or stuff it back down, I set it aside while I wait for more information to come. And some things are more massive than I can solve right away, like the problem with my sexuality. I'm chipping away at that one whenever I see an opportunity, an aspect of the whole huge problem that I can work on now. That one's more like healing a large skin wound, which happens from the edges inward.

When I see the need for healing I have to discover the root of the problem before I can heal entirely. That often leads to other healing needs, which is how we really progress. Just like diabetes, which can affect your blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol, & eventually organs & limbs, emotional issues can affect all aspects of our behavior & psychy, hence the great need for all the healing we can achieve. One root can have many branch effects. Recognizing that is part of healing. So I use a variety of tools along with the great self-awareness I've developed with practice in this work of healing myself. But it started & continues with determined & daily renewed intent.

The other step is release & clearing. Once I heal I don't hold onto old issues or renew those memories except if needed for another aspect of healing. I let go of the hurts, forgive the person & myself. If you find yourself replaying old hurts & scripts, it's because you haven't done all the healing you think you have or need to. Believe me, I know. Self-deception & unwillingness to confront your problems are the biggest blocks to healing. Forgiving doesn't mean you forget what happened, it means you don't trot it out. You've understood what happened, forgiven, put it behind you, healed, are then able to move on. The moving on is the reward. That's when we're able to move onto true spiritual growth & awareness of our worth plus our purpose, which I've talked about before.

You also need to make amends to anyone you've hurt as you're doing your healing. Only then can you truly forgive yourself. It makes all the difference in the world, as my daughter can tell you by her reactions when I made amends. I confessed my mistakes, told her my new awareness of the causes (which wasn't lack of love or unworthiness in her), apologized with my whole heart, reiterated that I wasn't reacting to her but to my past, & vowed to & showed her unconditional love & caring, true compassion. All those components are necessary & depending on the hurt, have to be done more than once. It's a difficult thing to do but the rewards are great. We have a much better & closer relationship & bond than we ever had when she was a child, which we both greatly enjoy & benefit from.

Our Need for Emotional Healing, Release, Clearing

Out of vital self-preservation, I hardened my heart to my birth parents many years ago. I had to stop their ability to hurt me by stopping all need & desire for their love & approval. I had to learn to be my own loving father & mother to ensure that I'd get my needs met. I also learned at an early age to internalize every scrap of healthy love I got from others. I managed to largely stop the bleed at the time & learn to love & parent myself somewhat, but I carried that for too long. This led me to my second husband, & you've read what a disaster that was. I sold myself out to 10 years of abuse to obtain a little father type love that was on the healthy side. In that, he was very good to me & helped me. As a man & husband, he was an abusive disaster. That's one of the problems with not healing, releasing, & clearing your emotions & past pains. It also leads to the creation of new wounds. Now I'm so hurt that I never want another man in my life, & my sexuality & sense of self as a female is damaged more than ever before, so there's another important phase of healing still to do. I've forgiven my father & mother now. My heart is no longer hardened. But I've carried the emotional scars from my childhood with my mother for so long now & it's so pervasive that I'm still not sure it's all healed. Every time I think it is from all the progress, something else comes up. The lifelong abuse & betrayal has controlled most of my life & choices, so it permeates all aspects.

I'm doing all the emotional work presented to me as soon as it's presented, & it's not so bad. Most of it is another aspect of that old theme & I faced the worst demons of it long ago. All the work is so worth it, even facing the worst starting in 1991 when I first uncovered my hidden memories. The abuse had been so bad that I'd buried the memories until then (& I was born at the end of 1955). It controlled me until I confronted the memories & did the initial work. My daughter, born in 1981, suffered because I was being controlled at times rather than in control. That's the thing - until we heal, our reactions are controlled by our past. We can learn to override our reactions, but that's more work than facing the hurts & healing. It's also work that never stops & although it seems like the need to heal is never going to stop, there's always progress.

When you heal you don't repeat past mistakes or patterns that didn't work. You learn to take control of your life & that you are indeed the one in control. Things quit "just happening" to you & you start controlling the outcome to the point of amazingly beautiful results. It transforms your whole life, from the inside out. You learn to really love & forgive yourself & to expect & accept great things in your life, & you get them. So healing our emotions is totally worth all the the work & pain or discomfort involved. Truly, & I would know as I've healed greatly from some of the worst. Not only does your life change, but you begin to affect others around you in better ways - loved ones, friends, those we help & encounter.

I once had a doctor who lost a dear friend to complications of uncontrolled diabetes. She used to threaten me to watch my diet! I always felt like a failure, so after a visit I'd console myself with a sugar binge. Her threat was to send me to an Endocrinologist & put me on insulin shots. When it finally came to that I was petrified. Turns out going on insulin was not nearly as bad as I'd thought & the Endocrinology office was the best thing to happen to me. They know we're human so they educated us on our choices to empower us! And insulin finally put me in control of my numbers & I got my diabetes under control just in the nick of time before I'd done permanent damage to any organs. If she'd handled things differently, I would have gone to the specialist & on insulin long before I did. Counselors who have unhealed emotions color their therapy & can really do damage to someone in their care. That's another one I know from experiencing it, unfortunately. Any kind of healer, leader, teacher, guide, or person of influence or prominence who isn't healed adversely affects others. Just look at how kids look up to sports figures who then rape, do drugs, or have DUIs - then parents have to do damage control. You can't have a continuing positive effect on yourself or others if you haven't done your emotional healing work, or truly move forward with your life. It certainly gets in the way of doing the work God has for you, too. Next, how to do it.

Being "Saved" Not a "Get Out of Jail Free" Card

In a recent talk with my mother I delivered a message from the afterlife given through my dad. He wants to make amends with her when she crosses over. Her first reaction was typically entirely defensive & egocentric - that she's already "saved," has "accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord & Savior." I didn't touch that line as it's not for me to correct someone who's clueless, or anyone for that matter. My job is to teach, guide, pass on messages to those who are seeking. I wrote an email to my half-sister (same father, different mother, hers much better than mine) & told her about the conversation, said being "saved" is not a "get out of jail free" card (which my sister well knows). Then I realized that's a blog subject. Then I remembered what a psychic friend of mine once said about that. Here's what I know, & need to tell because this is one of the jobs God called me to. That's what this blog is usually all about - doing His work.

As my psychic friend said on April 30, 2011, many church goers are going to be very surprised when they find that being "saved" or going to church isn't all that's needed. You have to put your belief into daily living, into action. You also have to do your emotional clearing & spiritual work. The need to resolve anger & hurts is even in the Bible (throughout the New Testament). I'm not going to look up passages for you. If some don't come to mind, you probably need to be reading it again for yourself. We can't attain our highest if we're locked into old or rigid patterns of behavior, thinking, emotions; if we haven't released past pain (which come from feelings of being wronged by another). We can't move into new life when we try to drag all that baggage with us. It continues to foul our lives on earth & all we do, & keeps us from the freedom to ascend.

The good news is, we're given another opportunity once we cross over, to accomplish what we didn't achieve on earth. My dad's main message to me was that he's learned, grown, changed greatly since he crossed over & that he's now one with God. Also, that he's going to face my mother when she crosses over & make amends so that she knows there's nothing but love waiting for her. That's when I finally forgave him, although I thought I already had. I've had so much emotional healing to do in the past year that it got past me that I still had a hard heart toward him. He was basically gone & forgotten in the face of all the immediate need before me. But besides helping me achieve that healing, he gave me the assurance that she'll be ok once she crosses over, not doomed to forever pay for nearly destroying me in this life, or the others she greatly damaged. She's never owned up to her behaviors, never changed them even slightly until forced by complete dependency. But this gives you an example of how harsh we tend to think God to be, & how lingering that lifelong message is. It took my dad's message from beyond to tell me that she'll "get there" once she crosses over.

I'll tell you plainly that we all have specific work to do for God while here on earth. If you don't do it, I don't know what happens other than others do it so there's no lack. All I know is that He's not going to punish you for it. My dad has regrets about the choices he made on earth & how he affected his loved ones & dependents. I can't quite imagine what it feels like to face yourself in the Face of God, who is Perfect Love. I can sort of imagine how I would feel based on how badly I felt when I faced myself in the past with any even imagined failings, given my great need to please & be loved, especially by God. It goes deeper than that. I have a huge need in my heart to do all & be all He wants of me, to be as much like Him & as close to Him as possible. So no, I have no idea what it's like finally facing the truth about yourself, your life choices & the consequences, when you come before God. The best reference I can give you is a book by Sylvia Browne called "Life on the Other Side." I've read several of her books & don't always agree with everything she says. I do what she's done - take nothing as fact until I've absolutely learned it for myself, had it verified within my soul or experience. She herself tells you to take what she says that speaks to you as truth & feel free to discard the rest. What I do is keep her books & reread them when I feel led, which I do now. In scanning for this reference, I see I need to read it again & see what I receive. I've greatly evolved in my spiritualism & understanding since I read this book 6 years ago. Those into lifelong learning & reading know that you get even more out of a book when you reread it a later since your perspective has changed, making you more ready for the learning. In her chapter entitled, "After the Tunnel" I found great comfort shortly after my half-brother died, especially the sections on "Orientation" & "The Towers." This really deals with what happens when we face ourselves after crossing over & "spoke" to me at the time, which is why I want to reread it. I want to see now how what she says in her books fit what I now know, & whether she can expand my perspective yet again. My next blog will continue the subject of the need for emotional clearing - the rest of the week's blogs follow this theme.  

Intent Used to Get What You Need

I've mentioned tut.com before. I totally recommend that you subscribe to the free messages sent to your email 5 days a week. At first I discounted them as not really coming from "the universe," as coming from a person I watched in a video. Then, when I really got into the flow & did a lot of healing, most days they reinforced exactly what was going on with me. The following message goes with the blogs I've been posting this week.

"To some, on other planets, Jenny Lea, you get more done in a single day than they do in an entire year. On this planet, however, getting things done has been confused with worthiness. I guess that pretty much answers the intelligent life question. You're still out of this world, The Universe. Jenny Lea, there will always be more you could do, but I, for one, would have more fun watching and helping if you realized fully how much you already do, and knew how worthy you already are."       

These messages are sent out by Mike Dooley, who has written & recorded a lot of great things about how our thoughts become things. He was one of my first experiences of things taking on new meaning. I thought I knew & heard it all, then I heard him & he told HOW to direct our thoughts rather than just let them happen & then worry about it. It was practical & easy to understand & follow, unlike all the "just do it" kinds of things I'd heard before that put a performance burden on me. This came from his video (also available in CD), "Thoughts Become Things." I totally recommend it to everyone even if you think you know it all & do it. If your life or health has ANY issue left, I recommend it. If you're already perfect, don't bother.

The biggest struggle I had recently with manifesting was that I'd just been taught that if you tell God, Universe (pick your language) that you need something, you're coming from a position of lack no matter how positively you state it. The answer was - it's already there, just waiting for you! All of God's blessings & goodness are just waiting for us! And it's not a matter of asking after all, no matter how positively you do that. It's a matter of realizing it's already there, RECOGNIZING IT & ACCEPTING IT. Once I started thanking God for the blessings rather than asking, my fears & doubts vanished & I began seeing them on their way. But first I had to realize that I'm worthy & deserve them. Worthy & deserving are 2 different things that are related, & you have to know both. I've only covered "worthy" before. You also absolutely need to understand that YOU DESERVE ALL GOD'S BLESSINGS just because He wants to give them to you!!! Who am I to question what He wants to do! And I know He wants to give me all these blessings! That goes to belief, trust, & finally understanding the goodness that is me - fully loving & forgiving myself. You also have to understand the goodness that is God. He's not vengeful or judgmental. He gave us free will on purpose - it truly is free will, rather than the ability to mess up so He can condemn us!

I realized He's provided tremendous physical & emotional healing, & all the other things I was asking for. He was already beginning to provide them - balance, wellbeing, wholeness, financial freedom & the flow of abundance, to the extent that I was ready to receive. My part is to do my work & stay open, to be grateful for & recognize what's being given to me. Now, when I say work I don't mean I earn the blessings! Doing my work will keep me in the flow of Spirit & help provide the financial freedom. My work is many-fold - my spiritual learning & development, my service to Him & others, taking care of my body, obligations & environment. If I quit doing any of these things (vs. taking occasional breaks as needed) then I'm going to lose out because I'll miss opportunities, fall back into old ways, begin to be emotionally or physically unhealthy, feel guilt, etc. Because that's the way things work - people, the universe, nature, bodies, etc. These things don't happen because God does them - they're laws of nature that we all know. The gratitude helps me recognize the blessings. It leaves me open to opportunities for business, wealth, growth, healing. It exercises my perception muscles & opens me to receive more. As in all else, gratitude isn't for God's sake, because He needs it - it's because we need it. Gratitude is love that recognizes what's being given, no matter who the giver is, so it's recognition in God's language of Love.

New Relationship with My Self, & New Family

Having a God-centered life has brought me a whole new family. I now know that many grew up feeling like they were on the outside looking in, like they didn't really belong with any of the people around them, like they were very different. I always felt things more deeply than others did, hurt more for others & for animals, cried more easily, was more sensitive to criticism & malicious teasing (& really attracted it), etc. Now I know around 20 people who are like me! They have the same values, world view, outlook on life, spiritualism, & experiences.

I didn't fit with the musicians in high school or any of the other kids, although I had a certain respect as the top musician. I didn't fit with artists because I wasn't on their ego trips. I did fit with fiber people & fiber artists, because they are connected to the earth & the animals & natural dyeing, materials, etc. But with the Reiki community I finally found exactly my own kind! It's so fun chatting with them because I don't have to explain anything I say - they "get it" immediately, appreciate my stories, then share their own. And I'm learning all the time because most of them have been in tune longer than I have. For once I entirely fit in & am perfectly accepted, loved, valued, treasured, cherished. I've become a valued & vital member of the community. All my gifts are respected & accepted as such without me having to prove them.

This is such a big deal to me because I've always been so very different & have worked to hide that but really couldn't. I had a limited number of friends in school, & even more limited number afterwards, where the "pickin's" are more slim. Imagine telling most high school classmates that you had a vision about your future & your soul mate. Or telling your grade school classmates that you "knew" your favorite teacher had died before you were told. Or telling your friends at work that you woke a guy up from sleep several states away by standing in your yard talking with him, & he heard your exact words & called the next day to check on you! Now, I'm fortunate that my grown kids & my sister accept that I can "talk" with cats & "hear" what they have to say, have a level of belief in the things I'm able to do. But it's not the same as talking with people who can do the same things. We all have that need to be around people like us, who speak our "language." And I finally really have mine.

I've also come into a totally new relationship with my self. I love myself fairly fully now, have truly forgiven myself most of my mistakes in life & been able to move on. I understand why I've made those mistakes now & that has led to healing & self-forgiveness. I've taken responsibility for why I've allowed others to hurt & use & damage me, & have largely healed from it all. I've also come to see why from their point of view, which has led to truly forgiving others. I see myself & my gifts in a new light, with fresh understanding. I really love myself now, more than ever before. And I'm so very grateful for so much now, including things I didn't like about myself, others, & the world & the way it works, before now. I know I'm not entirely "there" yet, have more healing to do, but I see where I was vs. where I am now & that's where the gratitude comes from.

I start every day, no matter what, by getting into the gratitude as quickly as possible. Some days I'm slow to awaken fully, or I'm very achy, but I open my heart & start with the first gratitude & appreciation that comes to mind & go from there & spend some time with that. It's a little harder at night sometimes, but I try to work on it then too, to end with gratitude. I used to have trouble going to sleep at night because my mind would play out all the things I wasn't facing during the day & it was horrible. Fears, doubts, worries, guilt - everything Miss Mary Sunshine was stuffing would come bubbling up. So ending the day with gratitude has gone a long way toward stopping that. I also don't stuff things. I don't feel guilt, fears, doubts or worries much because when I do I turn the Light of God on them & look at them in that Light. (That's another example of a new way with an old term & concept.) Shining that Light on them leads to healing then or in the near future (sometimes you have to shine that Light more than once on the deepest darkness.) The healings & realizations of blessings (gratitude), & finding like-beings, has transformed my perceptions of my self & my life, & it's amazingly wonderful!

Platitudes & Life Have New Meaning

Some people solve complicated computer problems & glitches. What I do is solve "concept into word" problems & "vague feelings into words." I work at it until I get it & sometimes it take me pages. I've been working around today's subject for some time now.

Today I wrote to someone, "You truly won't be given more to handle than you're ready for at any one time, no matter how it may feel. That's said from experience, not a regular platitude. In fact, I promise not to ever platitude you." One of the things I'm finding with a God-centered life is all those old platitudes coming to life with personal experience. I was saying that I've received so many emotional healings in the last 8 months, one after another. It's gotten to be one a week or more it seems. Some are "revisits," where some healing has already taken place & more is needed. Others are another aspect of an old issue that also needs healing. But if you've been reading my blogs, you understand that I've had a whole lot to heal from. Some of the healings have been pretty major, & they've been coming regularly, really speeding up these days. But it's never been more than I can handle at any one time, & only one comes to the forefront at a time. Within 12-36 hours of identifying a need for emotional healing, I've received at least the first step in it. Then usually something else comes forward - back & forth until I'm progressing in amazing ways. And that's just one platitude. It's also the only one I can think of at the moment.

In this way, in a short amount of time I've come to understand things in a whole new way, through personal experience, that I thought I understood before. Love & trust, faith & hope are just some of them. I look at people & life - everything - differently than I have before. And I feel very different about myself, my traits, every aspect of my life. Parts of me that were always a burden now are not. For example, I always loved too deeply, cared too much, had too many talents to know what to do with or use, too many interests & passions to pursue & follow up on. These things were always sources of pain, frustration, & discomfort within myself. A lot of times it was no fun being me! I wouldn't have wished it on anyone. I also wouldn't have ever wished many of my life experiences on anyone, & worked to try to spare others what I'd lived.

All that has been transformed. I love even more than I used to, & it feels great. Instead of loving anyone or anything too much, I now love everyone & everything, including finally truly loving myself. My compassion has deepened in the same way - no longer too much for any one person but greater compassion overall. My talents have found focus & my passions have found purpose, so I'm no longer burdened & frustrated. All that intensity focused on a few wasn't good for the one's focused on or me. That's all changed.

Even "turn it over to God" has changed. I present it to God just as I would to a trusted friend, then continue to work on it by staying open to the solution. Sometimes you tell a friend just to get empathy. Sometimes you want help with a solution. You haven't surrendered anything - you're opening to suggestions, listening to what your friend has to say. If you aren't sure about the answer, you think about it some more, contemplate what was said until your heart confirms or you decide that wasn't the answer. With God, if you think that wasn't the answer then you need to consider the question. Often I find that one answer leads to another question, which is fine. It's another step along the path. If needed, I keep questioning until I come up with the answer I need because I've finally asked the right question. Think about it - it's that way with friends too. If you want to know how to get to a store from where you are, you have to make sure you're clear about where you are & which store you mean, maybe even which location vs. another. If you have the right store & right starting point but aren't clear about the specific location, you can end up in another town altogether, pretty confused. Ok, that's a tangent I didn't know I was going to take here, but a good, descriptive one! People often wonder why turning it over to God doesn't work for them & think it's a sign that He doesn't care, doesn't get involved, or there's something wrong with them. No - it's either that you're dumping it & walking away rather than listening, or you need to alter your question to get what you're really trying to get.

That's another thing - what we ask God for & what we get, which goes to intention & is a full topic in itself. I now have a better understanding of that, too. Also, I need to speak of my new relationship with my self. So, stay posted!

How God "Disciplines" Us - Another New Understanding of a Word

Today I interrupt that series about a God-centered life & humble myself before you by revealing how God just disciplined me. My mother & father were alcoholics & I have the same tendencies. Years ago I conquered my problem with social drinking, no longer drink too much on those few occasions. But I still have the tendency to use alcohol as a crutch. I started using again April 2010, when I couldn't stand the pain of living with my ex & his crimes against us but saw no way out. Mostly I'd do it very occasionally, to shut off my mind & get to sleep. There was plenty around the house, no need to spend money on it. My mother quit drinking for health reasons long ago but had many stashes in  boxes I was having to go through to clear things out (she was also a TV style hoarder). And when I use alcohol, I abuse it. I drink until I can barely walk, am assured to go to sleep & stay asleep.

Now, God gave me some very great nights of sleep awhile back & showed me what happens when I ask Him for it. During that time I had the urge & drank myself to sleep & the next morning He gently spoke to me about it when I was praying to Him for health. He told me that I was asking for health while doing something to ruin it, & to stop it & stop it now. No more. He also told me to get rid of the alcohol in the house to avoid temptation. I listened to part but not all, wasn't willing to waste or get rid of my crutch. So I've done it again a couple of times since. Each time I apologized the next day. At first I barely suffered a hangover, but each time it got a bit worse. Last night I drank more than the other times & this morning, really was suffering.

Here's how God disciplined me over it. He let me suffer the consequences of my action fully, first of all. I was so miserable this morning! So miserable, that I believe I've finally learned my lesson! First thing, I apologized. He said He understands how easy it is to slip into old ways & patterns & that of course He forgives me. Then a beautiful butterfly appeared out of nowhere & flew slowly near & past me. I knew that was part of His loving blessing, His message of Love. He gave me the understanding that He wasn't going to lessen any consequences for me this time - I'd feel bad - my stomach, my sinuses, a headache, shaky, mind the heat this time. I'm reminded of how good I can feel most days, how He's helped me not mind the heat this summer, by the contrast today. I told Him I finally get it, have determined for myself that not sleeping is better than this, that this is not the thing to do. From now on I'll ask Him for sleep when needed & take whatever I get. For whatever reason, sometimes He gives it & sometimes He doesn't. The last time He didn't was several days ago & I ended up getting up very early & having hours to myself to work out what I needed to discover about a need for healing in me. (After hours of exploring my reactions & feelings, I realized I've had a mild form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for years now. I also discovered that the roots go all the way back to my childhood, where I was never safe from the abuse from my mother. True home never existed for me because it wasn't a safe place. Then I married my second husband & signed on to 10 out of 10 years of more of the same.) Taking that time has led to a lot of healing. I didn't suffer during the day from lack of sleep, & that night I had the best sleep I'd had in weeks. So I'm not going to be willful from now on. If I'm not given a restful night or enough sleep, I'll just deal with it & see what comes of it, find a creative use for that time.

These days I'm hyper sensitive when I hear people talk about an angry, punishing, vengeful God. I just want to shout out what I know of Him. He is Perfect, Loving, All Knowing. He's in each of us, created each of us as beautiful souls but gave us free will. He never expects us to be perfect & doesn't punish us when we aren't. He set up the universe to be self-correcting & thus there's the law of consequences at work, which balances us, our actions, the universe. He doesn't send earthquakes, tornadoes, or diseases to punish nations any more than parents would cripple or kill their child for defiance. I used to think He put us in difficult situations or with difficult people to learn lessons, & now know better. When you find yourself there & He teaches you from it, that's grace. We encounter all kinds & He can help us learn & grow, but He didn't do it to us. Yes, it gets better once we learn, but because we react differently, not because He then takes it away. Remember the most loving, giving, caring, gentle person you've ever known. Now magnify those qualities times infinity & that's the way God is. Truly.

A God-Centered Life is a Healthy & Joyous Life

Having a God-centered life has made me much healthier. I've already mentioned losing weight & making healthier food choices. Being God-centered also led me to Shaklee, & I'm healthier because of the products I use. I'm also way healthier because I no longer carry the guilt, shame, & emotional scars that used to haunt me. Those things truly affect our health, our ability to be happy & feel joy, our ability to progress & grow, to move forward. They can affect the balance of chemicals in our bodies & cause us to use harmful chemicals like prescription or elicit drugs, alcohol, or tobacco to numb the pain.

I can't begin to express my joy each time I receive emotional healing, how blessed I feel, how grateful I am. I used to walk around with a cloud of pain & shame over my head, waiting for the next shoe to drop (thinking they were God-sized & eventually one would inihilate me), waiting for the next blow life would deliver. Now I expect nothing but good things whatever I do & wherever I go, pretty much. I still have a little negative anticipation in me sometimes, since I'm human. But time & again that negativity is proven wrong because overall I have such positive expectations & we get back what we expect for the most part. Each time I have a positive experience, it reinforces these lessons & I come to expect it even more. I know I influence what happens all around me because I'm just so happy & positive that people react in kind. But I also experience the opposite when I've let the old way of thinking & being take over. I don't like the results & now I know how much better things can be so I take steps to get back there as fast as possible. I talk it over with God, review lessons, read the next spiritual thing that comes my way, do Reiki, ask a friend to help if needed. Usually presenting my feelings to God & reading the next spiritual thing or participating in the next event does it. That said, I don't just grab at any & every event or reading. I use discernment in my selection. But usually whatever I need to move forward is already sitting in my inbox - something I hadn't gotten around to reading yet, or appears the morning after I express my need. Which again, adds to my faith.

Happiness also affects our health in wonderful ways. Many years ago I learned to be a happy person for the most part, no matter how bad my life was. Don't get me wrong - I went through some really unhappy periods, like last year while coping with the crimes my ex committed. I won't go into that here because I've totally covered it in other blogs. But how about the other 9 years with Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde - no piece of cake. Few knew anything was wrong because I'm basically a very happy person. I taught myself years ago to glean happiness from all the good little (& bigger) things in my life & around me. I learned not to wait for the big things because they can be few & far between. It makes me happy to see a cat yawn, to see them play, to see roses, to smell them, to hear music I like or view a painting I like, to observe wild animals in the wild, to hear bird songs or wind chimes. And I learned to surround myself as much as possible with things that make me smile & feel good. Now I'm downright joyous about things that used to merely make me happy, & it all feels like so much more. Mourning doves always reminded me of my beloved Grandma Jones because I used to hear them seemingly all the time in her yard. Now, I believe they are her singing to me when I hear them, like she used to sing "Jesus Loves You" to me while working the treadle on her old Singer sewing machine. Usually she was making doll clothes for me. It doesn't matter whether I'm right or not or what you believe. In my heart, that bird is my grandmother, who I lost in 1985. She was my combination grandmother & mother, my role model, so I lost all that when I lost her. Usually you hear doves at dawn & dusk but I hear mine off & on all day. I also love the music their wings make when they take off in flight. Next time you see a pair, watch until they fly away & just listen. Every time I hear those doves I know my Grandma is telling me she loves me & is proud of me. I'm so much like her! I'm proud of me, of that. Before God-centering, I just thought of her. Now I feel her with me every day - just one of my sources of great joy.

Because my heart is so full these days & so open, many things appear to be much more beautiful to me - clouds, the color of the sky, maple trees, my tomatoes turning red on the vine, my growing herbs. I mind less the chores I have to do because once done, I get to move on to do what I want & I'm already in such a good mood. This isn't all the time - my life isn't magical, & I can have pain or periods of low energy. But overall, actually it is pretty magical these days because it's becoming exactly the life I've wanted & dreamed of. So no, a God-centered life is NOT restricting - it's so the opposite of that! It's ever expanding & widening joy, love, goodness, happiness, contentment, fulfillment, all I've ever wanted & needed. And this probably still isn't the end of the subject, but it is for now.

A God-Centered Life Is Setting Me Free

Rather than being restrictive, having a God-centered life has virtually set me free. It's unheard of not to have stress, shame, guilt, anxiety, & worry but I have very little of it left in my life, & it's glorious living this way! My outward circumstances haven't changed financially but I no longer worry. I've had ample opportunity to see how God works & I've developed trust.

I see evidence of His Goodness & provision all around me. He has a great sense of humor & is very creative in how He provides, so most people miss what He's doing. But that sense of rightness you get, when everything falls into place - that's God at work. When I moved here I found wild chamomile growing in the gravel driveway. How unique, but fitting, since it's something I grow every year. I left behind the peonies I planted, & there are 3 peony bushes here. I left behind a family of groundhogs that I dearly loved, but after the first year, they started appearing all around me here, including babies.

This year I found a use for the wild chamomile. I didn't harvest it before because I wouldn't ingest it - it grows where I drive & I'm not familiar with this type. But I want to finally replace the old buckwheat face pillows I'd bought in the past with one of my superior flax seed pillows & I want to fill it with chamomile & lavender, so I'm harvesting the driveway. I laugh every time I do it, & don't worry - I'll never use something harvested that way for you. But this preserves my stock of edible dried chamomile for herbal teas, which I love.

In March I was going on job interviews & realized I'd need to buy clothes if I got a job because I had very few decent things to wear. In May I started losing so much weight that I got a whole new wardrobe of old favorites - clothes I haven't fit into in a few years or longer. Most of them are much better than the newer clothes, suit me better, so I'm especially thrilled. He didn't provide me with money to spare for new clothes or chamomile plants - He provided for me to use what I already had. In much the same way, so many things in the world are new to me, have taken on new value or meaning.

He's also provided a wonderful summer for me thus far, & in my mind it's about half over now - June 1 through August 31 in my mind. I normally have a lot of trouble surviving the heat. I've suffered terribly since I was in my mid 20s, & when living without air conditioning, can barely sleep at night or function during the day. We moved here in April 2009, so this is my 3rd summer here without air conditioning. I don't even have window units because I don't have windows - I have sliding glass doors instead. This year has been especially cool where I am, plus I'm not minding even the hot days. Part of that is the weight I've lost but I wasn't this tolerant in the past at this weight. I don't know how He's done it, only that having Him at the center of my life & healing me in various ways is all that's truly different.

I also no longer worry about my health or safety. I know that God has work for me to do & that it requires me to be alive & healthy - that's my surety. Please understand that I don't test Him though, don't do a bunch of foolish things. I have a responsibility to take care of what God gave me & the biggest resource I have is myself. It's entirely up to me to honor the gift & take care of it/me. And that's just it - I now consider life to be a great gift, as is health & safety. (More to come.)

Disclaimer

Today is Thursday, July 14 & I've spent most of the day writing blogs about a God-centered life. I posted the first today, plan to post the next ones on Monday & Tuesday. Having written them all today, I feel the need for a disclaimer. So I'm writing this now, to post tomorrow.

My life is now glorious & wonderful, but not because I am. I feel safe because I know I have God's work to do, now & ahead of me. I have a lot of God-given talents that I enjoy & that I'm getting to use now. But I'm far from unique, & I wouldn't be telling you about any of this if it was exclusive to me. I'm telling you because someone has to tell you what wonders can be yours!

The life I have is a matter of choices, attitude, where I put my attention & intention, & my actions. It's something virtually anyone can do who has a workable IQ, & at any age. I also know lots of people who have what I have.

We are all given a great variety of talents & gifts. It's up to you to realize them as such, appreciate them, be proud of them, make the most of them. I couldn't program a computer for any amount of money but I have certain kinds of problem solving capabilities. I'm in awe of those who can program computers, troubleshoot them, & especially of those who can do computer forensics. Wow! I'm pretty good at math but am truly in awe of those who have a real talent for it. I'm in awe of those who have a greater talent than me at anything I do, because I know what goes into it. I'm not good at any sports but love to watch a talented sports player in just about any sport. We're all given important talents. Mine happen to mostly be in creative pursuits, which end up being more showy & admired, more often recognized as talents. I don't believe I have a huge amount of talent in any one thing but I've been given a passion to go with some of my talents that has led me to develop them to a point. It was actually a burden growing up with a wide variety of talents & passions. I always felt like a "jack of all trades, master of none." And I did that horrible thing people do to themselves - measured myself against "greats" & found myself wanting to the point that I often gave up. I didn't value myself or any of my talents enough to work at them enough to make them pay off. I denigrated & relegated them. Now I'm not doing that. I'm elevating them to see which ones I need to be using now in what way. I'm trotting them out before God, who gave them to me, to see what I should do with them. And that's one of my sources of great joy, because it fuels those passions.

God has special work for each of us to do, if we choose to. He has given each of us a set of traits, abilities, & talents so that we will be drawn to & prepared for the work He has for each of us. I know I keep repeating "each of us" & that's not good writing but I'm doing it for a purpose. Because I truly mean EACH OF US. I'm not special or different - I've just said "yes" & keep saying yes on a daily basis. He calls each of us & each of us has a choice to make every time He calls. I tried & failed to answer "yes" many times over because I had mistaken thoughts about what saying yes would mean, was still too stuck in my own life & circumstances before. Most of all, I never felt worthy before. Even when I wanted to say yes I doubted myself & doubted the call because I didn't feel worthy, certainly didn't feel equipped for the task. Now I know that to doubt yourself in this is to doubt God. He wouldn't call you for something He hasn't equipped you for!

One of the biggest problems people face who want to serve God is hearing religion vs. God. First, let me again say that I love church & churches, & many church goers. There's a Methodist church in Maryland that's one of my favorite places in the world, full of some of my favorite people! But even there at various times I heard religion calling to those in the congregation to do things that weren't for me to do, & I didn't hear my true calling clearly. I didn't learn to talk with God or listen to Him in church, didn't develop a relationship with Him there. You have to develop your own one-on-one relationship with Him before you can know what He wants of you. Disengage your head & open your whole heart to Him. You can start with words but then be quiet & listen to your heart & soon you'll be able to feel Him. The more you do that, the faster you'll get here! And if you have questions, I'd be glad to help!

What A God-Centered Life Is & Isn't

I didn't want to narrow my world, give up anything, go around preaching to people or asking them if they're "saved," didn't want to be boring or go around quoting the Bible all the time. My ideas of what a God-centered life would be like were pretty restricting, & nothing like the reality. I cussed, drank socially, enjoyed dirty jokes & sex, was very worldly. I wanted what I wanted. So I often turned my back on God & religion, thinking they went together. Sometimes I went to church regularly for awhile, then I'd only go on Easter & Christmas Eve. I'd hear all the "shoulds" in many churches, & be turned off. I didn't want to go visit new area families with a loaf of bread & invite them to my church. That's not in my comfort zone. I didn't want to go out & make new disciples.

Over time I grew out of cussing & lost my taste for dirty jokes. I quit cussing when I had kids & thought about what they pick up from us. I had to work at it since I heard it at work all the time, but I decided on standards for my family life. For some reason, dirty jokes just became distasteful to me. I believe that came about as I learned more self-respect, & as I learned how beautiful lovemaking can be. Most dirty jokes are demeaning. Over time I became a kinder, gentler version of myself. I became much more sensitive to & empathetic toward others as I matured, while becoming less sensitive to perceived slights.

I have found that a God-centered life hasn't made me religious - I'm spiritual. I don't quote the Bible or try to convert anyone to my views, but I sometimes share my views. I have to, since it's woven into who I am. It's my story. I find that my views don't fit with most church teachings or the views most people hold. For example, I believe in reincarnation - most people & organized religions don't. So I don't spend any of my time in church, much less all of it. I can quote the Bible well but don't unless it pertains to a conversation. I haven't really changed my ways to put God at the center of my life & my life has greatly expanded instead of narrowed. And a cuss word came out of my mouth the other night with a group of spiritual friends after someone else cussed, & nothing bad happened to either of us. God is not up there waiting to drop a giant, God-sized shoe on us for any little thing we do.

One of the things that's changed for me is I know that now. I used to fear that shoe! I'd wince at any little "wrong" thing I did, waiting for it. But having God at the center of your life leads to the absence of fear. I've learned of His great Love for us, His acceptance of us as we are, His gentle guidance toward change. And all the changes are for our highest good, not to please Him. I've changed over time, in subtle ways, some from direct guidance & some just from within. He is within me & I know those changes come from Him but I haven't been aware of them happening, only notice the results. For example, I seldom eat red meat now. I crave fish, & fresh fruits & vegetables mostly. I eat whatever I want whenever I want but my cravings have changed to mostly healthier choices. I haven't given anything up, & I'm enjoying my food more than I have in years. But I'm healthier than I have been in years, have more energy, feel better, & I'm losing the weight I put on like crazy. Now I love looking in the mirror.

I enjoy most things more than I ever have before. My heart has become full of gratitude & appreciation, & it's led to more enjoyment of music, nature, food, just about every moment of life. Every day is full of adventure. I've never been a morning person but it's become my favorite time of day because I start the day fresh, with excitement. I never know what opportunities await me when I open email with my morning coffee. I so enjoy both! Often a friend has sent me an opportunity to promote my business or socialize, or information on a new opportunity to grow spiritually or heal. Websites send me such things too. What used to be a bother has transformed into an adventure. I love to learn & that too has been turned into a grand adventure. Each spiritual opportunity I accept has paid off beyond my wildest dreams. In my 20s & 30s & 40s I'd pray for the things I wanted in my life with "beyond my wildest dreams" tacked on. I knew what I meant, even though I hadn't experienced it. I knew there was much more to life & love than I was getting to experience. And that's exactly what a God-centered life is - everything good is beyond my wildest dreams - & folks, my dreams & expectations were pretty wild! I know I'm going to have to revisit this subject at another time. Just as I sensed that there was much more, "beyond my wildest dreams," I know that's really just an opening line, not a close.

Benefits of Journaling

If you are healing emotionally, need to, or are on a spiritual journey, I recommend journaling. I'm also big on Pro/Con & other types of list making. List making is great when you're having trouble making a decision or seeing a person (including yourself) or situation clearly. These are tools I regularly recommend to people I'm helping, coaching. One of my favorite lists was made in 1991 & I still remember most of what's on it. It was a list of aptitudes & skills, total possibility thinking. It's the only one of that type where I didn't limit myself at all & includes things that are now manifesting or about to, like life coaching, teaching, & public speaking!

The benefits of journaling are many. One of the things it's done for me is help me uncover what I'm really feeling. Journaling as a habit becomes a way of delving into our subconscious mind. The more regularly you do it the more it helps. When you first start, you'll probably start with what happened during the day that elicited the most emotion or stuck foremost in your mind. Or you may feel like a blank slate & feel you never know what to write. Those are both common starting points.

I journaled my way through recovering memories of my childhood & the abuse. I journaled my way through both divorces. I started out thinking "I'll write about X that happened today" but soon found that my journaling had morphed over time. During those peak times of stress, I discovered that often what I thought I'd start with wasn't what I put on paper. I journal in colorful spiral notebooks with a pen. I think better that way. Remember, I'm 55 so I didn't have a computer until I was in my 40s. I'm of the "pen & paper" generation, so that's the best way for me to contemplate & get in touch with myself. And that's what journaling at it's best is about. Many younger people find it easier on the computer. Either way works, as long as you're letting the stream of words & feelings flow. I'd sit by myself with my notebook & paper & just think at first - "gather myself," & then start writing. In that gathering moment, whatever was closest to my heart would surface. As I wrote, I'd find out how I was really doing. I also got to vent, or congratulate myself, face my fears & regrets or sorrows, in a safe place. If you use the computer, I really don't recommend blogging your journal. It should be just for you, your safe place. My daughter knows that when I die she's to burn all my journals without reading them. She knows that when you read something personal like that, you're going to find things that make you uncomfortable, bother you. She knows to respect herself & me & not go back on the promise. And so I do feel entirely safe to say anything I want & know it will never be read by anyone but me.

Once you get into the habit & the flow, you discover things you didn't realize about yourself, your emotions, your feelings. We all hide things from ourselves, & when you're ready to release them, if you journal regularly you're providing a readily available outlet. It's also helpful if you ever want to help someone else through trouble - if you've recorded your journey. I seldom read over anything I've written previously in my personal journal, but I sometimes note significant dates at the top of a page, or events. In my spiritual journal, I have all kinds of notes at the tops of pages so I can refer back to various growth events & lessons. Pretty soon I'll probably have only one journal because these days the personal & spiritual overlap so much. But I'll still note references at the tops of pages, because I'm creating a spiritual journey map for helping myself & others.

I've journaled my deepest shames & regrets, faced them, learned to forgive myself. In the 1990s, when I first recovered my memories while going through a painful divorce, journaling helped me handle & release nearly unbearable pain. (Wow - I'd forgotten that I went through both at once!) It also helped me separate truth from fiction - what I was told & what was being said against me vs. reality. It helped me uncover the lies from my childhood & see things in the light of truth. (Victims are brainwashed over time.) At best, journaling becomes an intimate conversation with self that we don't otherwise take the opportunity to have. I recommend it to all of you as a way to take time to listen to your self.

Executive Decision Not to Give It All Away

I just posted a blog about cats, Part I, said I'd cover many more topics. As things occurred to me I added notes to an already full page. I realized that I could fill this blog 5 days a week for weeks with all you need to know on the subject, "What Your Cat Wishes You Knew."

I try to make the blog appeal to a wide range of people & some people don't have cats, so filling so many days with specific information about them is not a good use of my space. Also, my knowledge has value, & I can't always give everything away. My living needs to come from my knowledge & talents, my calling. Cats are definitely a part of my calling.

So "in my spare time" I'll be writing a publication about cats. It will read much the way my blogs do. My talents include teaching, animal communication, & writing. This publication will be thorough & will take a lot of time. I put great care into my choice of words, speak to my audience in a way that makes me understood. I will charge a nominal fee for this based on my cost, will self-publish to keep the cost down. It won't be fancy, but it will cover all they want you to know!

What Your Cat Wishes You Knew - Part I, Discipline

I'm widely known as the cat lady because of my affinity for & understanding of cats. I'm a cat whisperer. I've actually been given the gift of attracting & understanding all animals but especially cats. I grew up with dogs but cats started happening to me 27 years ago & I've lived with multiples ever since. They've taught me much about taking care of my needs & about themselves. For about 20 years I also had a subscription to "Cat Fancy" magazine, which I read from cover to cover. I've also been blessed to babysit 2 month old hand raised tiger cubs for about a week! I fed them their bottles, rocked them in my arms when they were restless, played with them, let them teethe on my substantial Crocs. I'll never get rid of the pair that bears their teeth marks! For photos, see my Facebook page. In this series of blogs I'm going to share with you all I can about cats. Some of you will know these things but these are the things your cat wishes you knew. I'll start with the most simple & move on. Because even savvy pet parents come to me for help & advice about their cats.

First I have to say that if you own a cat I don't ever even want to meet you!!! I don't have anything in common with pet owners. I'm a pet parent. All pets have needs & feelings just like the rest of us. THEY AREN'T PROPERTY!!! We probably all know about science fair experiments where you yell at one plant & talk nicely to another. The ones yelled at shrivel or at least fail to thrive while the other plant does much better. Animals are way more sensitive than plants, so think about it. Don't yell at your pet, ridicule or say unkind things, or use an unkind tone of voice. And certainly don't hit them! That teaches violence & simply makes them afraid of you. The only lesson they learn is that home is an unsafe place. So I guess my first topic has to be good ways of disciplining cats.

There are many ways & aids. You can use aluminum foil to cover areas where you don't want your cats to go. It can be used to cover a couch when you're going to be away, taped to the edge of a counter you don't want them jumping on, etc. They don't like it. You can loosely fill a can with some stones or nuts & shake it when they start to do something you don't want them doing. I find a squirt bottle (WATER ONLY) to be my preferred method. After 1-2 times of being squirted, all I have to do is pick up the bottle & the cat leaves the area. I use that to warn away a cat trying to dart in or out a door or for severe aggression, like when I have just added a cat to the household. Cat safety is another issue, which I'll cover in another post. If you have a cat that chews electrical cords or something else unsafe, you can spray the undesirable thing with bitter apple or other store bought (pet store) deterrent, or coat with something like Tabasco Sauce.

I find redirection to be another very effective form of discipline. My cats have plenty of safe things to play with, climb. I can grab a toy & toss it to distract a cat from unwanted behaviors, including tossing a toy into the midst of 2 cats getting too rough. Mostly I don't have real problems with mine though. I am gentle & calm so my cats have a calm environment. When the environment gets ruffled, I sometimes play soothing music for all of us. You can also try TV. There are many nature programs on that show birds & other interesting things, or you can purchase special DVDs for cats. They're well worth the price. A small investment in your pets pays big dividends in peace of mind & enjoyment of them. It's so much easier to maintain a happy environment than fix a problem. And you want your home to be a sanctuary for you, your family, your pets, not another place of conflict.

Again, about voice & sound as discipline. Yelling is counterproductive but a stern tone of voice works wonders. You can scold your cat in tone & words as you would a child. You can also use cat language & hiss at your cat. Another option & one you can CAREFULLY use to restrain your cat is hold him/her by the scruff of the neck, with his feet on a surface. Don't lift them that way - you could hurt them. But if you have to restrain a cat to trim nails or give medicine, do it the way a mother cat does - firmly hold the scruff of the neck. I find that more effective than wrapping a cat in a towel - a fight I always lose & bleed from.

I also find that praise is a great reinforcement. Cats do understand certain words & tone of voice, & they love to be praised. They also LOVE to hear their names! So whether you have one or more, say their names often & every time you praise them. They love to be called cute, pretty or handsome. They love to hear that you love them & that they're good. They love to hear "thank you." They'll fully understand all that. They associate the sounds of the words & the tone of voice we typically use with our meaning, & know it's all good even if they don't all understand the meaning of the word. In another post I'll tell you about cat language & understanding, as it's worthy of it's own post. I'll also cover litter box problems, scratching furniture, & introducing a new cat to the household in another post.

The Ultimate Pet Memorial

My Bonnie cat died in July 2000. I love all my cats but I've never loved one like I even still love Bonnie. She's the one who taught me animal communication, activated my abilities. Today I found a tuft of her fur (she had long hair) in my study Bible & blew it away somewhere, not realizing at first what I had. In my sadness at finding & then losing it, I remembered that I haven't spoken of my spinning service.

I can spin your pet's fur into yarn, dye it if you wish (I recommend), then knit you a garment of your choice. I can spin long or short fur of just about any animal. If you can collect the fur, I can probably spin it. A few would not make good yarn no matter what, if you have an animal with extremely coarse hair/fur. It doesn't matter how much you collect, but the more the better. Collect when you pet them, groom them, clean up the house. I save what I collect in zip lock bags that I leave open. It's easier to add to that way & the fur is ventilated so doesn't clump as much, is more usable. I have bags labeled with each cat's name & a bag for combination fur when I don't know who it belongs to. I can also mix species if you'd like.

I combine whatever you give me with merino top wool, which is very soft. It helps to bind the fur you give me. Even long haired animal fur benefits from this combination. The ratio of your pet's fur to merino depends on how much yarn I need for your chosen garment & the amount of fur you give me. My favorite things to make with this yarn are scarves & shawls, because you can then wrap yourself in the fur of your beloved pet. I can also make hats, or other things by request. One thing though - I refuse to make socks. I won't have you stepping on them! I have many different patterns I can use, & am an expert knitter. I learned to knit when I was 8! I recommend having me hand dye the yarn because of the merino content - your garment would be predominantly a kind of winter white with your pet's colors mixed in otherwise.

If you have a very hairy dog, you can collect until you feel you have enough, & perhaps even collect enough for several garments during his/her lifetime. If you have a cat, you may wish to collect as long as the cat's alive, then give me the collection to spin. If this idea appeals to you, I recommend you start collecting now. That costs nothing but the baggie. Once you've started gathering, you've set the intent to make it happen. Sometimes that provides the basis for a most loving gift from your family or friends, or becomes a gift of your heart to yourself.

What It's Like to Have Energy Work Done on You

As a part of the Reiki community, I've met a lot of different Reiki practitioners as well as those who do other types of energy work. I've both given & received Reiki numerous times, & have gotten to enjoy having other types of energy work done on me also.

Each time I've been a receiver of energy work, the common experience was the deepest relaxation & peace I've ever known. A true "ahhhhhhhh" experience that I didn't want to end. Group Reiki only lasts about 5-10 minutes because we try to make time for all who wish to receive & because it's many channeling the energy into you at once rather than just one channel - you get the benefit in less time. Usually if you get an individual Reiki "treatment" it lasts about an hour. Whether I've received for 10 minutes or an hour, I never want it to end because it feels so glorious. When I receive I just feel so good. It's very hard to describe, something better experienced for yourself. You're receiving loving energy lovingly channeled so it brings peace, wellbeing, calm, & relief flooding through you. It's like receiving the best massage but without the pain a massage sometimes entails if you have knotted muscles. Instead, hands are gently laid on you, & the energy does the work. The hands feel comforting. (And you can choose to have hands held over or near you if you aren't comfortable being touched. I'm very comfortable with it because it's always respectful, never near any private places.)

When I perform Reiki on someone, my hands get very warm when I reach an area where the person most needs the energy. I find many others have that experience too. Remember that your body (as the receiver) tells the energy where to go. I believe the purpose of our hands getting very warm is that we then know to spend more time in that area, concentrating the energy straight to where it's most needed. That way the energy is going directly into that spot rather than needing to travel. Also, the receiver gets the added comfort of a heating pad type experience. It's especially soothing in areas where there's physical pain (vs. emotional healing needed). My latest experience of that was when I seemed to be developing an ulcer, & my stomach had again started hurting. I was receiving Reiki from a group of people & T. had his hands on my abdomen. His hands got very warm & the stomach ache faded the warmer his hands got. It felt wonderful! Plus, it was the end of the all signs of the ulcer! I did Reiki on someone with menstrual cramps & my hands got very warm on her abdomen, which was a great comfort to her. She was also experiencing a great deal of shoulder pain that ran up into her neck, & my hands were very warm there also. Doing that spot on that person was interesting for both of us. She could actually feel the energy working & so could I, sort of like an electrical current. She was traveling so we only had time for two brief sessions, but afterwards her pain was virtually gone, & it didn't come back.

Energy work can also bring up emotions you've buried or been struggling with, really helps you release them. Sometimes it's not our bodies that are in the most need, like when you're going through a divorce. I've cried while receiving Reiki & remember, I don't really cry. Because the energy is being given out of love, I know no one judges the tears, that it's totally appropriate. Even when you aren't sick or in any great need, Reiki can help right any imbalances within your body systems before they begin to cause problems, & is simply very relaxing. We all have stress so we can all benefit. This is true of any energy work. Energy work also helps your body release toxins (emotional &/or chemical) so we always recommend you drink lots of water afterwards to help rid your body of whatever has been released. I've had a lot of experience with this, since becoming attuned to Reiki is like having one giant supersized receiving session. After a few days of drinking lots of water, I noticed I had more energy & stamina than before. Releasing toxins does wonders for your body.

Some experiences defy words - you just have to experience it for yourself. I find this is true about having energy work done on you. All I can say is it defines "ahhhhhhhh."

Energy Workers Are Your Humble Servants

Active energy workers are humble, spiritual, loving, & gentle. We do energy work out of a deep desire to help others. We are humble because we understand we are not the Source, only the channel. We're also human, so we love to hear positive feedback, to know we've helped.

Every time I'm done performing Distance Reiki, I thank God for allowing me this gift to use to help people & animals. It fills me with such joy to perform Reiki, to be allowed to participate in helping others.(Plus, I also receive healing benefits as the energy flows through me.) It feeds my soul to be able to directly help others, & helps me stay in a state of gratitude. Taking time to perform Reiki honors the gift, the giver, & the receiver. I also believe in the power of prayer, so I pray twice daily for those I've been called upon to help. I begin & end my days with formal prayer. Other times during the day I'm more likely to just talk to or with God rather than form a prayer. To me, there's a difference between prayer & talking, with the first being structured & more one-sided.

I'll list a few of my greatest Reiki experiences. Through Reiki I've been able to participate in a friend's recovery from reconstructive shoulder surgery, alleviate pain in my daughter's shoulder, help a friend nearly painlessly pass a kidney stone, ease a man's neck pain & greatly increase his mobility. I've also helped shrink a cat's nasal polyp, & helped 2 cats who were being euthanized due to extreme illness. Cats hate to go to the vet, hate to be handled & restrained, so going to the vet's to be euthanized when they're miserable is a tough one. In both cases I performed Reiki before & during the appointed time. The results were that the cats obviously didn't feel stressed, didn't react to what was being done. One of them had great pain in his hind quarters at that time, but didn't react to having it handled at the end. That was proof to me. In both cases, the "owner" (truly, you never really own a cat) was looking into the eyes of the cat at the last moments. This made a tender send off for the cats & made it less traumatic for the people.

I know that virtually anyone can do what I do with Reiki. I'm nothing special, it's just part of my calling. We're not called to do all things & some are not called to energy work. The only thing that you might argue is special about me is my willingness to help others in this way.  But you have to remember that most of us give to others in one way or another. We each have our unique callings, so we're each "special" when we answer & honor those callings. And when we actively use the gifts we've been given, we're given even greater gifts. It's part of the flow of abundance available to all of us. Good deeds are rewarded in countless ways.

Energy Work is Biblical

I can't find the passage I wanted (I believe it's in Acts) where Jesus said His disciples will do "greater works than these." Maybe it's in one of the Gospels, since it's Jesus speaking. But I was greatly blessed in looking as I skimmed many of my favorite passages. They all have new meaning for me now, enhanced meaning, so I'm eager to drink in the Word. That's something I need to start doing for myself regularly, my heart is now telling me. (See my new priorities blog from yesterday.)

There's evidence of energy work in many books of the New Testament. Mark 6:5 & Luke 4:40 directly talk about Jesus laying hands on the sick & healing them. In Matthew 9:20-22 & 14:36, Mark 5:27-34 & 6:56, & Luke 8:43-48 we see just how powerful the energy of Jesus is. All it takes to be healed is faith & touching his cloak! The New Testaments has too many instances of Jesus healing to note here, but most Bibles have a concordance at the back.

Matthew 10:1 "He called His 12 disciples to Him & gave them authority to drive out evil spirits & to heal every disease & sickness." (NIV) Luke 9:1-2 says basically the same thing. Then Luke 9:6 adds, "So they set out & went from village to village, preaching the gospel & healing people everywhere." Ok, so that covers Jesus & the disciples. What about later, what about now?

Acts 28:8 "Paul went in to see him &, after prayer, placed his hands on him & healed him." Paul came way after Jesus was crucified. I'll now quote parts of  I Corinthians 12: 6-7, 9-11. "There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom... to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit..." Please feel free to read the whole passage yourself in your favorite translation, as space doesn't allow an entire quote & you never know what wonders you may find while searching & reading! I Corinthians 12:27-31 also deals with this, & I'll quote part. "Now you are the body of Christ, & each one of you is a part of it. And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing..."

Finally, I believe I Timothy 4:14 describes the type of attunements I received to be able to channel energy through Reiki. "Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you." In fact, it's telling me to use this gift! The next verse says, "Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress." And that's what I've done. I attend every opportunity to participate in Reiki events (mostly exchanges, where we perform Reiki as a group) because I consider Reiki to be part of my work. I attend guided meditations that raise my awareness & my abilities. I regularly perform Distance Reiki on people & animals from my home, & I'm sharing my progress with you through these blogs.

My Struggle is a Common One - Taking Care of Self

Many women, & givers in general, struggle with the problem I've had. We feel we have to earn all the love & goodness we get in life. You may not even be aware of it within you. It's not why I'm a giver, but it caused me to put everyone else first & me last. Both of those bore noting. I say yes too easily, to too much. I don't set my boundaries, so there's never enough time & energy for me. I can't tell you the last time I performed Reiki on myself, for example. I over commit for a variety of reasons including wanting to save & help everyone to not wanting to look bad by saying no. I feel bad when I don't do all I say I'll do as often as expected or desired. I feel bad for not meeting the expectations of others. I feel bad when I don't accomplish as much as I wanted to in any given day, despite the fact that no one could keep up with that day after day. So I've held myself back from the truest goodness & flow of life because I only feel I deserve it when I've done enough to earn it. And boy am I exacting in what that takes! I'm not that way with others, although having constantly high expectations of myself makes me feel less kindly toward others who don't give peak performance. But I don't put that off on them, fortunately. Can any of you relate to all this?

Sunday I spent a long time trying to come to terms with what's holding me back, what's keeping me from honoring myself. I was on another healing & abundance live call with Mary A. Hall & I was listening but wasn't entirely receiving. I knew the problem was within me, not Spirit. It all boiled down to still feeling I have to earn Love & goodness. So then I worked on how to get over that, because inside myself I really do understand that it's not what I do but that I am. I read back over material on separating your self from your birth family that I'd read & printed a couple of months ago. As always these days, what I needed was there waiting for me. It said that our mission is to discover who we truly are & separate ourselves from all that is not, which is often what we learned in childhood. I'm nearly there & it helped me see what my job is now.

I wrote down all aspects of my job, & made 3 more copies. I have one on my desk (by my phone & computer), one on my spiritual center desk in my dining room (near the other phone), one on the refrigerator, one on my bathroom mirror. These are the places where I make my commitments, my choices, & where I take care of myself. This is what I wrote, & it's in order of importance: "1) Take good care of my physical body. 2) Take care of my emotions & spirit. 3) Take care of my family. 4) Take care of my environment (home, belongings, etc.) 5) Honor the commitments I've made to others. 6) Stay in the flow. For #5, I need to draw boundaries on the commitments I make, & to whom. Don't make a commitment because you think you should - consider it first, in light of #s 1-4. #4 directly impacts #s 2-3. My talents go into #2 & #6. These are my only 'shoulds.' When I do them steadily I maintain #6. I'm doing my part."

My life has been out of balance & I've been asking for balance. This is the way to get it. If I don't take care of my body first, nothing else is going to continue to happen. Next I have to be emotionally & spiritually healthy. I can't take care of my family if I haven't taken care of all my needs first. Needs, not wants. Wants you juggle & balance, give & take. Needs you have to take seriously or they'll overtake you. #4 is because I hate housework but I also hate clutter & disorder. I function best with order, being able to find & use what I need without spending time looking. And cleaning makes everything look better no matter how shabby. I'm an artist & I don't want to put the work into making things orderly & clean, but it's important to me. My surroundings affect my mood, sense of wellbeing, my energy. By #6 I mean that I need to maintain all the others, stay within the place of my heart, & feed my mind by learning. I'm a lifelong learner, it thrills me. I love to learn all I can about what interests me, including essential oils. I'm fueled by new recipes, knowledge, experiences. All that goes into #6. Flow for me most equates to creativity, but is more than that.

Now that I have the answer on how to actively honor myself & bring more balance into my life, I'm determined to make those changes. This gives me a blueprint for my days, helps set my activities & priorities for each day. I'll use it for time & activity management. I haven't been anywhere near this order of priorities since I was in high school. Back then, taking care of my physical body was all cosmetic, but since I liked boys, it was top priority. Now cosmetics is the least of it, since I'm 55 & there are many more pressing issues. But perhaps remembering that time in life will help me succeed in this order of priorities. Our bodies are wonderfully self-healing plus I can channel Reiki for myself too. So I have a chance to undo years of burning the candle at both ends in mistaken service to others. I let myself be used terribly by those who were nothing but takers. Now it's time to learn a new, healthier way of being. Now it's time for me to honor myself. That's part of loving yourself. Just like you can't perceive the love others have for you or really attract it if you don't love yourself, you can't perceive the honoring if you aren't honoring yourself. I hope this sharing helps you.

Part IV - Incredible Journey

The guy who told me about Reiki "warned" me that it would be a wild ride, to be sure I was ready. He told me that worlds would open to me, past hurts would come up to be healed, I'd find there's much more to the world than I imagined. But that's exactly what I wanted! It's also what's happening - he was so right.

It's one thing to receive Reiki treatments & another to become attuned to being a Reiki practitioner. Also, what you do once you're attuned makes all the difference. Some people get attuned, then go no further with it. They just aren't ready for what can come of it, obviously. People have various reactions to receiving Reiki treatments, all good. It's kind of like chiropractic though - can take many sessions over time to do all the good needed. Reiki energy goes where most needed & most people have a lot of need, not just a little. Reiki energy always works for your highest good & does what's most needed, so you may think you need one thing & your subconscious directs the energy to another. Reiki energy is Life Force & is not controlled or directed by the practitioner. It's simply channeled.

When you're attuned to be a Reiki practitioner & become active, you do begin an incredible journey of growth & discovery. Reiki opens you to Life Force Energy whenever you want to use it, so it hugely enhances whatever good you're trying to manifest in your life. I was led to Reiki, led to a particular Reiki Master & the group surrounding her. Turns out that group is part of my soul-family, so now my heart has the home & family I always longed for. They have helped me grow spiritually by leaps & bounds, have shared websites with me that have delivered the messages I need when I need them. They've supported me emotionally, spiritually, & in the launch of my business. They've given me opportunities to meet others, & experience many different avenues of growth & learning. Most of what you read in these blogs are a direct result of where I've been led because of them. I've also learned a lot directly from their sharing of themselves. Through sharing, I've been able to envision with intent, possibilities I'd barely even thought of before, & much that I truly longed for but believed impossible.

Reiki attunement facilitates great change if we let it, if we follow the path it presents. For me, it opened my mind & heart to balance, wellbeing, greater health, peace, serenity, the natural flow of life. It led to a sharpened awareness of the beauty around me, that all is possible, that I am Loved & worthy, of all I have to be grateful for in life. It opened me to becoming & being all that I've wanted to be, do the things I've wanted to do - equipped me to do much of it. I'm becoming part of the Flow of Life rather than always rowing against the current, as I always seem to have been doing in the past. By far, I'm not "there" yet folks, but I'm so far along being on the way. And I just wish for all of you that you would join me, row beside me on your own journey.