Navigating the Energies, & the Superstorm

For most of us in Pittsburgh, Superstorm Sandy has been a non-event. It's caused some delays, inconveniences and postponements but has been nothing major compared to what others are coping with. That said, I've been affected, as has many of the metaphysicals I've checked in with. When the energies shift significantly I often experience dizziness and feel foggy, have trouble focusing. I usually don't know why until I hear other friends talking about experiencing the energy shifts. Usually I've chalked mine up to a headache or sleep patterns, wonder what's going on with my body. But I've had a marked and dramatic reaction to this storm that's been unmistakable. The energies of the storm started impacting Pittsburgh Monday, late afternoon. That morning was fairly typical for me, only more so. Saturday was a phenomenal day for me, and I was still processing it. Monday morning my heart was so full of love and gratitude that I was in tears much of the time. And I had plans to reach out and express that love to several important people in my life. I had so much energy from this, and realized that reaching out and giving that love was what I always need to do to handle that overflowing heart. I have a habit of doing that, but realized that it's a strategy too. I realized that not only do I then bless others, but it gives me a way of handling my feelings, an outlet. It was a morning full of messages like that, and much more important ones.

Then the energy of the storm arrived, and I was entirely sapped. All that energy from the morning was no longer being felt. It's not gone, but I no longer felt any of it. In fact, I took the rest of the day off, didn't even feel like communicating with anyone. It was actually a great experience in itself, because I indulged myself in ways I haven't in a long time. I ended up working sudoku puzzles, something I love but haven't done in ages. It was a great experience, doing something recreational just for me because I love it. I'm still having trouble putting this into words. Usually I'm so very focused on using my time constructively, and taking very little time for any recreation or true leisure. Usually I make sure my time is spent in something with meaning, and give myself very little "down" time. I know I need to change this, so Monday evening was a great lesson in the benefits. But back to the energy sap. It's continued through the week, as the storm energies have continued in this area. My friends are experiencing it too. Because of the contrast - before the storm energies arrived and after - I've been able to see exactly what's been affecting me. When the winds really started here, I felt the energy shift, had visible evidence of what was affecting me. This has enabled me to just work through it as best I can rather than question why. It's also enabled awareness. As I've said in the past, realizing is at least half the battle. The reason why there was no blog yesterday was this energy sap. I was in bed last night when I realized I hadn't written or posted a blog. It was on my mind at various times, but not long enough to follow through with it.

Today I was still feeling very unfocused, and knew I had school work and other things to do. So I grounded myself and felt much better. However, since the energies are continuing to be chaotic, it's something I'm going to have to do again. For those of you who don't know how to ground yourselves, I'll give you a quick visual. Picture as best you can, your seven major chakras. The root chakra (#1) is red. Picture it spinning and glowing, bright and large, in balance. Picture sending root from it down through the earth, to the center of the earth, and rooting there. Then do that with the rest of the chakras. The second is bright orange. Picture it and all others as spinning in balance, clear, the same size as all the others. Picture it too rooting down in the center of the earth. #3 is yellow, #4 is green (or some picture pink - this is the heart chakra). #5 is throat, sky blue. #6 is third eye, indigo. #7 is crown, purple. Once I grounded I was clear enough to pray. Whenever you feel imbalanced, fuzzy, or dizzy, you can use this method to ground yourself and clear.

There are a lot of theories going around about this storm, and I've been asked for my opinion. Those of us who are looking for the major earth shift to occur, see the storm as part of that. Some believe that forces working against us have set it into motion to manipulate events. I have friends who regularly "see" conspiracies going on around us. I listen but never worry or try to figure any of it out. I firmly believe that God is totally in charge, and has His own plans. I do believe there's a huge shift coming, to bring God's Heaven to earth. I believe that many of us are energetically prepared and preparing for this shift and that for us, it will be awesome. I do all I can to clear and release, heal spiritually and emotionally - to be ready for the shift, to change my life, and to fulfill my specific purpose on earth. In my heart I know that as long as I'm doing that, doing my part as called and led, that I'll be fine. I'm doing my best to teach others to do the same, individually and through this blog. As far as what and who's behind this superstorm, I'm not concerned. No one on earth and no power from outside is greater than God, nor can they thwart His purpose. And He can use anything made by anyone else to ultimately bring about the greatest good according to His plans. I also believe that if this was purposely made, He knew of it in advance and already had His plan in place.

In my life I've begun truly seeing His patterns. Sometimes money arrives unexpectedly, exactly when I need it. That happened Monday, before the energy came in. I realized I had a need, then opened the mail and it was there. Now, it turns out God put it on my friend's heart to send me $40 a few days before, and she did it. So it was set in motion before I recognized the need. I was set to do a focus group and receive $30 the day after the money arrived, and found out that it was canceled. Before I found out, I received $10 more than that in the mail. That's the way He does things! It's a plot more complicated than a chess game and we don't usually see the events in motion. But God is definitely at work in our lives, in wondrous ways. I'm seeing it more often and clearly now, and my life has turned into an exciting adventure because of it. Most days I awaken with that sense of adventure, and spend my days in awe as I watch the day unfold, the events. I live now in expectation of the wonder and joy in each little happening, each piece of the puzzle. I never know what will happen next, only that it's another piece of the unfolding, and therefore very exciting. I don't know what pieces are just background and fill in, won't know until the puzzle is completed which pieces were actually key to the picture. But all the pieces are key to the whole and the completion, and therefore exciting. They can appear dark, colorless and joyless, but I know now that they're necessary to the puzzle so I joy in their arrival. I'm now enjoying the adventure of the individual pieces. I don't know when they'll appear or how, only have complete faith that they will continue to appear, and that it's all good. It's all part of piecing together my greatest good, and the most exciting events and adventure of my life. I've begun to see how "beyond my wildest dreams" is possible, and is coming to fruition, and I'm in awe every day!

How God is Involved in Our Lives

Blog topics usually come from the life-lessons I'm learning as I learn them and from the struggles and questions of those around me. Last night as I was going to bed, one came to me from one of those struggles. This blog is later in the day and last night's topic has been postponed by the perfect, gorgeous day God gifted us with today in Pittsburgh.

How awesome is our God! Today a friend took me to run errands and I got to enjoy this beautiful day on the move rather than just in my own yard. We had the car windows open and I was able to see the beauty of the Fall leaves, one of my favorite things. As an artist, I was noticing the exceptional beauty of the sunlight on all of nature around me. And I then realized how incredibly awesome our Creator is! He actually created all of this on purpose! He created seasons and atmospheric conditions so that sunlight appears differently and creates different effects depending on the season! This tells us what a Loving and giving Father He is to us! He cares about us enough to have even set our earth up this way for us!

One of the lessons for me in this is that He created each of us the same way, with the same care. And He did all of this for us, each one of us. This tells me so much about His majesty, Love, and care. I can't even begin to use it to think about the mind of God, that He was able to plan all this in advance. But He did! None of this is by chance. It tells me so much about His Love for us and the perfection of His creation as He did it. Yes, we've really messed it up so much, as He knew we would. And so He also planned for all of that, to help us in spite of that.

With all this in mind, we need to respect His creation - the earth and other people. We also need to respect ourselves. When you think poorly of yourself, you're thinking poorly of His creation! When you abuse others or the earth or yourself, you're abusing what He created!

Please understand that the God who made all of this and all of us is still working in our lives. He didn't just put all this together for us and then abandon us. So you can entirely trust Him in faith to help you receive the greatest good in your lives!

Off and on in my life I've pondered the question of free will and how involved God is in our lives. Today He helped me come to understanding. First of all, God has helpers - one part of Him, the Holy Spirit, is the messenger, as are His angels. The next point is that all we need is already here for us. Think about it - air, water, plants, food, resources, knowledge - it's already here. Getting to it is often a problem for people, granted. We can be tripped up by not knowing what we don't know, and not knowing where to find or how to get what we need. But it is, indeed, already here. Now, I'm going to do this with the subject of needed knowledge because it's easiest to explain.

Our part is to set intent to know and learn what we need and want, then take action to find it. What He does for most people is to guide those who will listen, to the sources they need. The guidance is in the form of gentle promptings. If you listen to the feeling to turn on the TV right now, the information you need is being broadcast on the set station. He knew it was on TV and gently prompted you to go turn it on then. If necessary, you're also prompted to change the channel to receive it. If you didn't listen, you'd receive the same gentle prompting the next time it's being broadcast. If it's a more important message and gentle promptings haven't yielded results, then bigger things happen to prompt you. This is natural consequences, not punishment for not listening. Let's say you need to go to the doctor now for a minor problem you've been ignoring. It's important for you to receive a message to do that and if you don't listen to gentle promptings the symptoms are going to get worse until you finally do something about it. God uses these gentle promptings whenever possible through other people too, not just media. You may feel prompted to go visit a friend. The friend will then be prompted to talk about the subject needed to give you the information you need. If you don't go or the friend doesn't respond to the prompting, another opportunity will appear with more prompting. Whenever possible, God uses what's already in place in the universe, the supply that's already there. And He gives us every chance possible to get exactly what we need, in the most natural way possible. That's because He has given us free will and therefore rarely uses His angels (unless they're asked) to provide intervention. It's not really intervention if you've asked for it - it's granting your request.

So why do you so often not get what you want, and seem to go without what you need? We have to do our part too. We have to set intent. We have to be in motion and do the work that's given to us to do. Most of all that work is to love others, give to them, be responsive to them, and to do the same for ourselves. We must also loves ourselves and be as kind and giving to ourselves as we are to others. We have to be open and willing, and to believe that good will come to us or we will miss the opportunities. And those gentle promptings are received the easiest by those in relationship with Him. Again, these are all natural consequences of our behaviors (remember consequences are cause and effect, neither "good" or "bad"). Some of us receive the information we need directly, because of our close relationship with Him. We are more able to listen and hear Him. (When I say "hear" and "we" please understand that yes, I'm including me in that group of those in close relationship. All of today's message came directly through Him. No one else supplied any of this. And when I say "hear," please understand that we don't actually hear his voice. So few have done that, because it's just too much for us. The "hearing" is an information download into our minds, which we also receive in our hearts. And those who aren't in close relationship won't even begin to recognize or believe that the messages came from God, so they wouldn't be received even if delivered.) Finally, because of free will, it's up to us what we do as a result of the messages. And how much and how quickly we receive depends on how quickly and willingly we are ready to listen and learn. God loves each of us, wants only what's best for us, our highest good. And He works with us, in our lives, to make that possible. But again notice, I said "works with us." We have our part to do too.    

Forgiveness & More on Surrender

How do you forgive the unforgivable? How do you not? Please remember that forgiving doesn't mean condoning, nor does it require forgetting. This subject has come up before but it's something that's become more direct and dynamic for me. As I've been saying in so many words for about a month now it seems, everything old is new for me since I began surrendering all to God (true surrender, not lip service). This surrender has been changing the dynamics of my relationship with God. It's not because He needs surrender - if that was true then free will wouldn't really be free. It's because it's allowed me to get out of my own way and open the door to a much fuller relationship, and thus a greater love and understanding of Him and the way He works, is. Surrender involved finally releasing the fears that had me trying to control all outcomes based on my perceived needs. I released the fears that had me pleading with Him, then trying all suggested languages (like thanking Him instead in advance) to manipulate. It takes actual FAITH to surrender. It's faith that He knows all, and therefore sees the whole big picture and I don't. It's acknowledgement that I often thought I needed one thing and needed it now, when I was better off in the long run learning a lesson instead. It takes faith in the fact that He does exist and does love me, which also means I have to believe I'm somehow deserving of His Love. That's the major stumbling block for so many people! Not disbelief in God and His powers, but disbelief that "I" (insert yourself here) matter enough for Him to bother to help. Yet we often think we're worth Him bothering to punish! These things say more about how we feel about ourselves than how we feel about God, yet they totally reflect too on how we feel about Him and our perception of who and what He is. Because if you see yourself as tragically flawed yet believe He's our Creator, what does that say about Him? That's kind of like, "I wouldn't want to be in any club that'd have someone like me for a member."   

So tonight I experienced forgiveness for the first time in the new dynamics of relationship with God. I was thinking about a man I used to know that I suspect was abusing children and I know killed all the neighborhood cats including mine! The other day I found out he died during the summer and I thought, "What goes around comes around." How many times has each of us said that? That is not forgiveness! That's judgment! My heart was hard but I was too busy to realize it until this evening. My whirlwind started before my daughter pointed me to the article about his death several days ago at least. And I just realized that this evening I took time out to actually allow reflection for the first time in about a week. Oops! Anyway, as soon as my thinking and therefore, my hardened heart registered,* I knew I had to forgive him. (*Remember, I'm backwards from most of the rest of you in processing emotions. Most people feel them, then think about them. I think about things, then realize I have feelings. This is common among those who have been severely abused or over long periods.) The reason I had to forgive him was for myself. He's dead and gone so it couldn't possibly matter to him. It doesn't matter to God either. He understands how hard it is to forgive because He understands us, His creation. But every time you allow your heart to stay hardened (you have to recognize it, identify the feelings, the judgement before "allow" takes place), you create a heart blockage. They can and do eventually turn into dis-ease. But that's not the reason I don't want the blockage. I love too many others too well to purposely allow something to diminish my heart. And that's exactly what unforgiveness does. It diminishes your capacity to love yourself, God, and others. So it only hurts you and the ones you love, always more so than the unforgiven.

In the past when I needed to forgive I've gone through great effort and analysis, even rituals. These days I talk about just about anything and everything with my Father. So my first step was to identify that I needed to forgive the guy and set that intent. The very next was to talk to Father about it, and ask for His help. I asked for the help because I was thinking about those kids and cats - not only is it kids, and cats, but it's very personal to me. I always hurt so deeply when I think about them. And my next thought was not my own entirely. It was of my part in the cats. It was my fault they were outside for him to trap and shoot. I had to forgive myself for that one, hard as it was, but I'd accomplished it some months ago (20 years later!). Then came, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Then God reminded me that He had dealt with the man fairly, based on all the factors I know but mostly what I can't have known. Refer back to paragraph one. Which brought me back to something I read recently, a wonderful book called "The Shack." Oh my goodness, if you want to understand and know God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, READ THAT BOOK!!!!! It was an object lesson in how totally unqualified we are to judge, and how horrible it would be if we really had to. Have you ever done jury duty? It's not fun and that's nothing compared to the illustration in that book. By the end of this thought process, which took less than two minutes, my heart was free because I'd forgiven. I'll never forget, but blessedly I don't remember very often. And if my heart feels at all hard the next time I remember, I'll surrender the feelings to God again. Only the thing about surrender is, the more you connect to God the less surrender is necessary. In this case, I didn't have to fully and formally surrender it. All I had to do was recognize the need, set the intent, and then mention it to Father. Because I'm building my end of that relationship and connection now, that's all it took. He's been there all along, of course. Up until now, I was the one who was blocking it, blocking Him. I have Rebekah Gamble to thank for part of my new relationship with God, by the way. She did a tremendous Reiki treatment/healing on me about a month ago. During the healing, we connected with my deceased father and we both channeled him. Years ago I read that our perceptions of God are based on our relationship with our earthly fathers. In my case, it was more my mother, who played both roles in the home. I barely knew my father, only saw him a few times in my life. But when I connected with him, and directly received him and his message through Bekah, I gained all the love I hadn't received when he was on earth. And that too helped open the door to relationship with my Heavenly Father. 

Final note: So why is this more a stream of consciousness blog than my normal, fairly smooth flow? For one thing, I didn't get any sleep at all last night. But mostly because I never know what will speak to whom, so I tend to leave the extra stuff in.

Upheaval in Your Life is Your Golden Opportunity

A large percentage of the people I know are in transition in their lives and it's mostly been forced on them. A few have done it by choice though, which is very courageous. I understand that I only know a small population of America and that the percentage I know is a reflection of what's going on in our country. Most of the transitions I'm talking about involve the loss of a job but I also know those in transition in relationships, usually from divorce.

For all of us, our lives in this country have changed drastically in our lifetimes. At 56, I've seen many changes. My parents' generation usually stuck to marriage and career for their entire adult lives. Divorces were few, as were job changes. Most people stuck it out for 30 - 40 years and retired from the company they first started with out of high school. In my generation, many went to college but few ended up in jobs that matched their majors. We're the cross-over generation. Some of us had longevity in a career and some had to bounce. My children are in the generation that seldom stays with one employer for long. In the space of one working generation - mine - companies went from valuing and rewarding longevity and loyalty to ushering people out in favor of new blood. Often this was so they could pay newcomers less, or didn't have to pay pensions. However, pensions too became a thing of the past in my generation, as did health care benefits.

The bottom line is - the illusions of job security and financial security are gone. I believe for most of us, the housing market drop in Fall of 2008 broke those illusions. My goal in the last paragraph is to take the idea of change from the metaphysical realm to the "daily life" realm. We can all agree that we are in vastly changing times. You don't have to believe in the Mayan calendar or 2012 predictions to see that for yourself. That said, we have elections coming up in a few weeks and some are anxiously awaiting the outcome. Personally, I'm not. I believe that what's supposed to happen will. In this as in all else, I surrender the outcome to God. He alone knows what will happen and what needs to happen when. I have no desire to stick my nose into His business. I certainly can't plot and execute the plan, so why worry or try to control it in any way? That's the way I'm getting about everything in my life. It does no good when I fret or worry or try to manipulate circumstances. I do my part - do the work before me and listen to guidance, use all my resources. That's my part - the result of the efforts is His.

For those of you facing upheaval, this is your golden opportunity to make positive choices for yourself. In fact, the fewer outside responsibilities you have, the more choice you have. By "outside responsibilities" I mean responsibility for supporting others, like children or other dependent family members. Many of you own your own homes, have cars and possessions but no dependents, yet fret about maintaining your lifestyle rather than making choices based on your truest needs. Most are around age 50 or older, but not yet at retirement age, or still need income. To all of you facing choices that are more concerned about preserving what you own than making choices from the heart, I ask you to take a step back. This is probably your last chance to make your life be about your values, needs, and dreams - and perhaps, your mission in life. Our jobs tend to define us. They take up the majority of our time, energy, and attention. So the choices you make about a job will affect all areas of your life. In the past, these have probably been purely economic and convenience choices. You've "ended up" in the best paying job you could do that you could be hired for in your area. In most cases, your time is not spent in rewarding and fulfilling ways, or in ways that enhance your life or being. You're trading your time, energy, skills, and talents for a paycheck. Yet life is so much more than that! We each have God-given dreams for ourselves, talents, skills, desires. To not be true to them ever in your life is to waste what He gave you, and to actually waste a large portion of your life. Are you waiting for your retirement years? Who says you'll have the time, energy, or physical capabilities by then, especially since so few can afford to retire? That too has changed - just look at the elderly working at Walmart.

Every time you face upheaval in your life you have choice and opportunity for change. If you simply react, you aren't exercising choice. You aren't taking control of your life - you're being controlled. That's when we end up defeated and sometimes broken. But every conscious choice made increases our control over the outcome of our lives, and our sense of self. We gain so very much from it! And we steer our direction in life toward our goals. In the 1990's I made job choices based on salary, location, and job satisfaction with the needs of my kids in mind. I was single parenting and whenever I thought about changing jobs, I ended up staying in the same job because I could get time off and get to their school if they got sick. Making that conscious choice was always good for me, helped me never feel stuck when I was restless and wanted a change. It also helped me appreciate the good things about the job I was in. Making conscious choices is empowering. Making them true to your deepest desires and needs is even more so.

So as you handle the changes in your life, ask yourself what you truly most want and need. What unfulfilled dreams and desires do you have for your life? If you don't make choices toward fulfilling them now, when will you? Which ones are you willing to give up on forever, right this very minute? Keep in mind as you answer these things, these are not rhetorical questions. If you don't choose to fulfill these in the here and now, you'll probably never fulfill them! Often the problem is that we have conflicting needs and desires. The best way to handle that is to weight your dreams and desires based on their importance to you. One note - this is not the time to limit your thinking with "can't." If you've wanted to be a public speaker more than anything else in the world but don't see how you'd ever get hired as one, put it on your list as the highest priority. There are all kinds of ways to achieve that dream, and others, and I can easily point you into how to start.

For those in a state of upheaval, and those contemplating major changes in their lives, I have some suggestions. Make a list of all your dreams without limiting them. It doesn't matter if you can't possibly see how it could ever happen. It doesn't matter if some conflict with others. Write them all down, and then give them a number based on how important they are to you. If you have many and they end up in a long list, you might need to then rewrite your list in numbered importance. If you're facing a job or career change, you might also make a list of all you're good at and all you can do. Again, don't limit this. When I made my list years ago I including music even though I didn't have a college degree for it, or see any way I could make money with it. It helped me see the possibility of a job as a music therapist, which helped me see a job as a counselor. I haven't gone on to become either at this point, but I do unpaid counseling for people and am going to college for a degree in psychology. Once you're done with these lists you can do some brainstorming and possibility thinking. You can consult with a life or career coach or go to a book like "What Color is my Parachute" to help. I wrote out a list of dreams early in 2011 and again about two months ago. In 1991 I made out my list of skills and talents. One of the things on the list of talents was public speaking. Although I wasn't formally trained and certainly not credentialed, I knew I had a desire and aptitude. Within a few years, I ended up doing a small amount of it to small audiences, without changing jobs! So far it hasn't come to fruition as I envisioned when I wrote that, but it seems to have been predicted that it will in the future. Keep in mind as you make these lists that you never know where your life will end up leading you if you follow your dreams, and guidance. I certainly didn't plan on ever going back to college, but now I'm looking forward to seeing what doors open because I have. The door can open tomorrow to what seems impossible today. You're only truly limited by your own willingness and perceptions!

One of the best things I ever did for myself was make a conscious choice when I found my life in total upheaval two years ago. I chose to make my work and life be true to my gifts and talents, and to find out what I'm to do here on earth, then do it. In other words, rather than seek the easiest way out of the upheaval, I made conscious choices. I didn't try to cling to the old ways that brought me to that upheaval, or to use old methods. Nothing will change for the better if you keep doing the things that haven't worked. And clinging to what's not really working for your best is just going to get you more of the same - nothing gets better that way. I also didn't go for the quickest route to the most money, nor did I throw up my hands and give up. I've used the opportunity to make conscious choices to make my dreams come true and live life on my terms. I've made choice after choice based on my biggest needs, on my values, on what matters most to me. And I've never once regretted it. My life isn't where I want it to be yet, two years later. For one thing, I started in a huge hole in every way - with physical disabilities, debt without income, responsibility for an elderly relative, a house full of what hoarders boxed up, and no direct resources. I also had to deal with the leavings from emotional abuse, to overcome the self-esteem issues. I had my income and marriage end at the same time. Most people facing upheaval don't have to face such total, all encompassing upheaval or such pervasive adverse circumstances. So don't look at where I am only - look at where I was and how far I've come, and on my own terms! I'll tell you - the "on my own terms" is worth so much!

If I can do it, then you certainly can. You have no excuse not to! You alone can determine what you make happen in your life if you're flexible and make conscious choices. Not everything can be had, of course. Not everyone who wants to be President of the United States can. You might have to be president of the Rotary Club instead, or a state Senator. If you've never been in politics and end up being a Senator rather than President, I believe you'd be pretty satisfied. But even that won't happen unless you give credence to your dreams and make choices to make them happen, make the most of opportunities for change. Taking the safe way will never get you what you want, and "safe" is truly just an illusion.

A Life Gifted by Others, & My Path

Most of my blog topics come from the time I take at the beginning of the day, prayer and communion with God and the angels. The blogs reflect the theme of the day that emerges then. Each day has a different focus or new insight on a previous subject. During this time I process the messages given the day before and in my dreams, assimilate, learn, and come to a new understanding. I move forward every day because of these things. This is my time to process things I heard or received the day before. I've had time to sleep on them, and I invite God and the angels into my dreams most nights. Most days I preserve this time. I usually don't answer the phone or respond to messages so I can process before new stimuli from the outside comes in. I consider others to be the "outside" here. God and the angels are definitely "inside." They speak to me within, and God lives within me. Some marvel at how I've come so far in just two years and this is how. I've learned that this alone time at the start of my day is my best time to process my feelings and thoughts. I've worked very hard during the past two years to change. I needed to release all the messages and experiences from my past that no longer served me, weren't of me. I needed to get down to my core beliefs, my inner "knowing." The other day I read the difference between "knowing" and "believing." I drew the "Sweat Lodge" card from a Jamie Sams "Sacred Path" deck. It said that beliefs can be changed by the opinion of others but that "knowing" is an essential part of you. I was one who had beliefs swayed too much by others, by those I felt were authority figures. I was able to feel the message of the difference, therefore, with all my heart. Now I have way more "knowing" but still have beliefs. Having beliefs is being open minded until you get to the "knowing." It's a good thing. I listen to different beliefs and some trigger a move between believing and knowing.

With intent I have entirely changed my life in the past two years. My past is filled with authority figures who sought to entirely control and define me, possess me. Yet I managed to learn myself in many ways, be myself. There was a strong will within me to shine through. In the 1990s and 2000s I was able to emerge some in spite of the mind and body control measures that were exerted over me through the years. When my marriage ended in 2010, so did most of my direct responsibility to take care of others. It was finally my time to devote to me, my needs and natural wants, my spirit. I had evolved into a spiritual but not overly religious being, and knew I needed to further nurture that. I knew that what was in my spirit was what my life needed to be about. I knew I needed to get down to my core values and beliefs, to live my life based entirely on who and what I am. At the time, I only knew that I'm an artist and craftsman. The rest was a path of discovery I've actively embraced. So the business I set my intent for was to find my truest self, become the very best me I could be, and live the most honest life I could. I mean honest to and with my self, my God given gifts and talents, and to live based on what I want and value most in and for my life. The first thing that happened was a "chance" phone call to a stranger who told me I'm a healer and should become attuned to Reiki. I was told that it would entirely change my life and would entirely fit with who and what I am, what I already do. I quickly found out that he was right about me being a healer. Less than a month later I took my Reiki I attunement, and took my Reiki II attunement just over a month after that. The rest is truly history. He was entirely right about it being the next step, right for me, and it changing my life.

Reiki opened the door to the richness now in my life. I have very few people in my life who have known me more than two years, but my life is absolutely full of people! The people who remain in my life from my past (before 2000) and the new ones all bring unique qualities of love, the unique gifts of themselves. These people create the fullness in my life, the bounty. In the 1990s I changed my life and began to truly discover myself when I started remembering my childhood of abuse and dealing with it, healing. Outside of my blood family, I only have two friends left from before 1990. I'd only managed to attract two such quality people! After 1990 I shifted and attracted quality. After 2010, that shift went on steroids thanks to Reiki and intent.

In the 1990s I totally became aware of the way I feel people. To me, each person has a unique feel, a unique quality. I feel their essence and spirit. Once aware, I was able to focus also on those I've known in the past and their essences and spirit, the uniqueness they added to my life. Some people feel similar, but all are different in their own, beautiful ways. As I've said, I went from the little girl no one wanted, loved, or respected (mostly) to having a life full of joy and love. Through the people in my life and our interactions, I've learned myself and who I am. I've also found my place! I never fit before, always felt on the outside looking in. I always marched inside to a different beat, and now I know so many who march to a similar beat. I never truly belonged with any one group of people, and now I've found so many with whom I belong. I not only belong - I'm treasured and valued, entirely for myself, just as I am! I can't tell you how huge that is to me! Everyone needs love and acceptance, to find his/her place in the world and to belong. It's one of the basic survival needs. In this I've moved from barely surviving to thriving. It has given me a glimpse of how God and the angels feel about me. It's totally enhanced my feelings and views about myself. It's enabled me to find myself and my "knowings." I am surrounded by love and those who give of themselves to me. And I now have achieved having no authority figures in my life! That one is pretty new, only in the last few months has that entirely evolved. God and I are the only authority now and I'll never accept another. I've become strong. I no longer allow another to control me, my thoughts, moods, or attitudes. I listen now only to the authority of God, His angels, and myself. I trust myself, understand that I needn't fear authority figures because I am self-regulating. I don't need to nor will I allow another to judge and control me. I do that for myself, and am learning to be kind and gentle with myself in this.

All of these things have been enhanced by the gift of others in my life and their unconditional love. When the love I'm being given is not in alignment and unconditional, I work to change it or eliminate the person from my life. I've learned to set healthy boundaries of who can be in my life in what capacity. I base this on where they are in their path and growth. If they don't enhance my life but I can help enhance theirs, they are clients. Those who are still mired in drama are kept at a distance. I limit their place in my life until they either move out of my life on their own, or change enough to accept help. When I can, I change the relationship dynamics to move into alignment with what I want and need in my life. If the person is willing to change these dynamics, he/she is still accepted into my life. The quality of the relationship determines the amount of contact and what I'm able to give in return. My closest relationships involve unconditional love and mutual respect, a healthy balance of give and take, of sharing. Please understand I'm not talking about time spent together in any of this. Our lives aren't conducive to spending the amount of time together that our relationships deserve. We each have too many pulls and restrictions on our time, too many obligations to be able to invest the time we'd like into the important people in our lives. I hope that with the coming changes, that too will change. I realize my relationships with people mirror my relationships with my cats. I'm here with the cats most of the time, but with six cats and one person, each cat gets the little of me they ask for each day. They get it when they ask for it, as I'm able. Usually I'm busy with something, but I stop often to give as much as they request, or nearly. So too with so many people in my life! I give what I can when I can to those who ask. It's one of my versions of "stop and smell the roses." It's one way I stop and enjoy the sweetness of life, and also give back. 

I spend time in gratitude every day. It's an ongoing thing during my day - I stop and acknowledge the sweetness of what I have, give thanks. It's a verbal, quick prayer. But I also live daily with gratitude just flowing from my heart without words. One of the things that pours from my heart nearly constantly is the love, gratitude, and awareness of those people I hold most dear. You all know who you are! I hold you each in my heart fully every day. My life is lived as a prayer for your highest good and well-being, in gratitude for all you bring to my life. This state of gratitude, being, grace, and joy comes from your contributions, and expands my heart daily. The more I love, the more love I have to give, and the more I attract and receive. And this is the greatest universal law of attraction at work, of manifestation - the fruit of intent. This is part of what living Heaven on earth is about and like. It is moving into Oneness, which is what I've been describing. It is sharing God, who is Love, with each other - the greatest work on earth. I used to hear in church about furthering God's work, going out to work for Him and it was very scary. Now that I do it and understand it, it's become the most natural thing in the world, is part of every breath I take. Thank you, all who have added to my life and helped me get here!

Channeled Message on What We're to Be About

First, I want you to know that this is a completely channeled message. I'm adding these sentences after channeling paragraphs for you. The message is coming in words and phrases. I'm just typing them. At this time I've channeled the next five paragraphs and I'm not sure what they say, only vaguely know what the message is about.

What are you doing with your life? Our true work on earth involves being and becoming, sharing and caring - spreading the love, and teaching others to do the same. We are here to experience life fully, sharing love and abundance, and Oneness with all creation. We were each created in the image of God but what exactly does that mean? I used to think of it in human terms but now I've come to understand that it's not about form, it's about function. We are each a piece of God and He resides in all of us. I say "He" because that's my perception - fill in your own word here. We are made of Divine Life Force energy as is all of earth. Therefore, there truly is Oneness throughout Creation and with God. How are you living that?

We were each made with a unique set of talents and gifts, then put on this earth. From there, we began a unique set of experiences. These experiences co-mingle with the unique creation of self that is us. Then, with free will, it's up to us what we do with what we've lived and what we've been given. I believe that we each contracted with God for our unique mission once we incarnated (were born). So I believe that we each programmed our lives before we were born. However, we forget this as life experiences start happening once we're born. From birth we're about the business of learning to live on earth - the rules, laws of nature, and navigation here. We also have free will to deal with. The older we get the more we have the power to exercise that free will.

One purpose of our life on earth is to remember our connection to God and Oneness with creation. Another is to remember our unique, contracted mission. The restlessness, boredom, and discontent in our lives comes from not remembering our connection or mission. It can't change and we can't be truly fulfilled until we do. One path toward discovery is to work with your talents and gifts - to be true to your unique self. So first we start with self-discovery. For some, that's a hard enough job as it is. We're taught to think in terms dictated and defined by others. Society has definitions for success and achievement, among others. We are surrounded by expectations of our behaviors, and penalties for not meeting those expectations. It could be censure, loss of love and approval, or worse. It can come from family, friends, even the judgment of strangers. One of our jobs is to develop healthy self-esteem based on our inner values. Then we must learn to live with our own moral code, and define success and achievement on our own terms. Once we develop our own moral code, it's up to us to evaluate our performance.

I have been a harsher judge of myself than most others have been of me. I'm learning to change that daily. That creates nothing but defeat. I'm learning to see myself as God and the angels see me, to truly love and accept myself. We are each perfection in His eyes. He knows all and sees all so He knows what we each deal with every day. He knows what we were created for and with. He sees all that is good in us and understands our flaws without counting them. That's what true unconditional love is. In our human capacity, if you've ever deeply and unconditionally loved, you have a small inkling of what God's love for us is actually like. It's not about loving someone in spite of the flaws. It's more of an encompassing love that covers the flaws and doesn't see them as such. God's love is about recognizing the flaws as opportunities for growth and success. It's also a part of our need for Him - for His help and guidance, for connection with Him.

The true key to navigating life on earth is connection with God. Through connection, all things are possible, including our mission and change. Through connection we are able to do our main jobs of being and becoming. We are able to connect to each other, the earth, all of nature in Oneness. We are able to recognize, develop and use our unique gifts and talents, and what we've learned on earth. We are able to make sense of and use our experiences, incorporate life lessons. We are able to transmute our experiences and become All Love. The goal is to bring Heaven to earth, and to share that Love and Connection with all others. Each of our missions is related to this. But one thing we all share - the mission to spread the Love and Light to all who are willing to receive. Our Father's work for each of us is to love one another as He loves us. This is love without judgment or penalties for "misbehavior." This is love that doesn't count the flaws, but rather, helps the other come to understand and overcome, rather than to judge. Judgment of self and others is not of God. Use it only to see where you yourself want and need to make changes to be in alignment with your true self, and therefore in alignment with God. In alignment we find our unique purpose, and therefore all true contentment and fulfillment, balance, complete healing, and well-being.

We much each strike a balance between navigating on earth and fully living in Being and Oneness - for now. This is the way to bring Heaven into our earthly lives. As above, so below - and as we each do this we create Heaven on earth for all who dwell here. First it begins with each of us. Then we can teach others. The other day I listened to a speaker who has achieved this Being and Oneness, and her light was almost blinding. She was literally bouncing with joy, peace, love, health, and true happiness, with joy at sharing her message and experiences. She was so fun to listen to, and I received much from her message that was just for me, as I'm sure others did. Since then I've had the privilege of reading her book, about the journey to the joy. This was on October 9, and you can look back at the resultant posts, written that night and since. I knew I was supposed to be there that night but not exactly why, as I've said. Right after reading the description of her talk and receiving the message to go, I forgot what triggered that knowing because it truly didn't matter any more. Since, each time I pick up her book I receive more, specific "knowings" and messages. Each time, I more fully understand what I was seeing in her that night. I also understand the reward for the path I'm on more fully, and how close I am already to that Heaven on earth. All the reward for all the hard work to clear and release, the fruit of my steady labors to become and to serve, is beginning to be felt more fully in my daily life. And it's making all the difference in all areas of my life. The rewards are so much greater and more personal, real, and meaningful than I can tell you, than any earthly pleasure I've ever experienced. All I've lived, done, and yes, suffered, has brought me to this point and it is all so very worth it!

The child who was always abused, under-loved, unwanted, not respected, not allowed to be herself...  I was seen as a possession, not a person with separate feelings or needs - a projection of my mother, and therefore an object to be used to punish with her self-hate. Now I know how very special I am, how very deeply loved, treasured, cherished. I know that I am unique and wonderful, totally beautiful and perfect in His sight. I have the deep love and respect of soul family, blood family, friends, God, angels, guides, and animals - and those who give me this love increases beyond my wildest dreams as I meet new people and beings. This is just one taste and example of our rewards for doing the work we were meant and sent to do. And all God's supply works this way! Yesterday the message was about truly being rich, but today's so amplifies that message. And I can help you get here too, if you will allow me.

Perspective - I Am So Rich!

Last month I came to crisis again and was really feeling like a "have not" among "haves." I knew and reminded myself that many are worse off than me, and I've met them. I think of a man I met waiting for the bus who was charming and kind months ago. Last week I saw him and he said he's now homeless. His breath reeked of alcohol then and he was panhandling. I saw him again a few days ago, still panhandling, still reeking. Earlier this evening (it's Sunday, the 14th of October) I was feeling dread-ful. I owe my best friend money and I simply hate that. I'm again trying to figure out how to meet the shortfall between what money I have and what I feel I need this coming week. I journaled and prayed, a cry of "help please!" and just after, the perspective came.

I know people who live in filth, clutter, and chaos. They have jobs, homes, a car, intelligence. Some have money in the bank and college degrees. But they can't seem to follow through to get the houses in order. Some live with too many in one space - one cleaner/fixer to many messers. One I know lives alone and has no excuse. I really don't like filing and organizing my papers and things, house cleaning, scooping litter boxes, straightening and cleaning up. But I realize that clutter and mess bothers me so much because my mother was a classic hoarder. I realize that what I think of as untidy and messy is paradise compared to the way most people live. Perspective. Instead of looking at all I haven't done or comparing my home to a model home, I need to give myself credit. Then I need to be gentle with myself while I continue to improve until I reach and maintain my true comfort level. And I need to align my comfort level if it's not realistic. I need to be happy with what I've done rather than always look at what I haven't gotten done. A recent college class exercise had me looking at how I spend my time and I realized how responsible I actually am. I need to be satisfied with what I'm doing now, while continuing to improve when I can.

One person I was really looking at as one of the "haves" just obtained her third car, has two houses, a trust fund with income, and Social Security. Tonight she told me she's bored, and was depressed yesterday. A few months ago I too was bored. I was feeling stuck until I decided to go back to college for a degree. Now I'm learning, interacting, and active in a way I haven't been since the mid-1970s. My boredom is gone for good and I'm totally moving forward. Someone else I'm close to has a long-term job ending soon. She's in denial about the choices she has to make. A lot of what she has is less than ideal but it's familiar and she has it. She's afraid of what she's going to have to give up to make changes in her life, even though the change is coming. She doesn't want to let go of anything she has now because she enjoys it, even though it doesn't entirely suit her. In some ways that was me most of 2010 - my marriage was going to end and my entire way of life. I feel so badly for her. She's so much a "have." She has money in the bank, her own home and car, money still coming in, and choices. Yet I'm trying to help her with the courage to let go of what doesn't best serve her. I'm trying to help her have the courage to make choices that will lead to her greatest good and happiness. Because she has the same opportunity I had for a "do-over," but with so many more resources.


One of my dearest and closest friends can't even find a peaceful moment to call me on the phone. She cussed in a text to me shortly after 11 p.m. She was going to call me at 11 but was saying her adult son and his girlfriend are yelling and she's cleaning the kitchen for the 4th time tonight. She'll try to call me while on the road for work tomorrow. I have peace and calm in my life unless I create my own demons. Earlier I created one called "dread." He and I are old friends but he no longer serves me and I banish him when he shows up. These demons are illusions and we can create and banish them at will, in our own minds - which is the only place they can live. I am learning that they are illusions, learning to banish them when I conjure them up. And I'm conjuring them less often. The reality is that I am so rich! I have food, clothing, shoes, shelter, warmth, peace, joy, love, and so much more. I AM a "have," and I have so much more than so many that I know. This is because I am working daily to co-create my reality and all that's in it. I do that with surrender and intent, along with work and follow-through. None of it is by chance, and the opportunities exist every day. I am doing my best to recognize with gratitude - what I have and what is unfolding for me.

Tonight when my friend couldn't call, we were texting. I so wish I could be with her right now. Back in "the good old days" (I was thinking for a moment), we were together enough that she didn't often get into this state. And when she did, I was there to get her laughing, get her through it. Back then we were both single-parenting two young children, and we were inseparable. I was her rock, as she was mine, and we were both comic relief for the other. No matter what, we managed to have fun together and supply perspective to which ever one of us needed it at the time. And it was so much easier for each of us to find that perspective for ourselves. When I'd begin to lose it, I'd often pretty literally hear her voice of wisdom, love, support, and empathy in my ear. I imagine she pretty much heard my voice too. At the time, things were pretty tough. I was just recovering the knowledge of rampant abuse during my childhood while going through a nasty divorce. I was trying to shield my kids from the ugliness of divorce and raise them, while working full time. I would have never thought I'd ever think of that as "the good old days." But in many ways they were, and I did my best to enjoy them fully. That's why I have some wonderful, warm memories of those times. (You have to understand that I have memory problems stemming from the childhood abuse. Burying memories is a common defense mechanism and the good ones get buried with the bad ones. So for me to have these warm memories is major.) I did my best to enjoy my time with my kids, and I certainly enjoyed my time with this friend, no matter what we were doing.

The end of this thinking was that my "now" is what I perceive it to be, no more and no less. All I have is the now. If I don't appreciate it, I'll miss out. The illusion of "have not" is false. I have so very much! We can't wait for it to later become "the good old days." We have to love our "now" - it's all we've got and all we're going to get. We need to always be doing our best to appreciate what we have right now. And if it isn't all you want it to be, get pro-active and change what you can. If nothing else, you can change your attitude and perspective, and thereby change your world. Truly! Remember, I'm not preaching from the position of a millionaire. Just remember where I sit when I say this. Truly, if I can do it, you can do it!

Many Little Miracles Add Up to So Much!

Years ago I learned to recognize and be grateful for all the little joys. If you wait for the big things to happen to be happy, you so seldom will be. The big things are few and far between, but the little things come so often. It's one of the main differences between happy people and those who are always dissatisfied. As I've said and you've always heard, all we have is now. Happiness is a choice, and if we are always looking back or forward we miss the joy of now. Our main job is to be happy in the now. So it is with miracles and blessings - and all blessings ARE miracles. Mostly we don't have big miracles in our lives. Mostly we don't need big ones. But if you recognize and are grateful for the small ones, you soon see them quickly add up to so much.

The little miracles have been happening so much more since I started trusting in God more fully and surrendering my needs and wants. The total philosophy behind this surrender is that God knows the best way to get me from where I am now to where I need and want to be. I fully understand that, and have. All I can see if what seems to be in front of me, the now. All I know is the human way to get from where I am now to where I want to be. I recognize fully that my vision is clouded no matter how many messages from God and the angels that I receive or how often. Through the years I've said, "Thy will be done," knowing He knows better than I do. Yet I kept trying to direct and force things, assert my will. That's because I didn't fully trust or believe. I believed in Him but not in my own worthiness to receive. I kept feeling that I had to earn His Love and gifts, and that I never could.

Now I understand that we can never "earn" these things. They're already ours. What we have to do is surrender and get out of the way. We have to trust and believe in Him, His Goodness, His care for us. He tells us that we are all already perfect in His eyes, deserving, and that He is eager to supply our true needs. We just have to trust enough to allow Him to deliver in the best fashion for our highest good. I've now started putting it all together - my faith in Him with my trust in His promises, my trust that He can and will deliver. I took the understanding from my head and have been believing it in my heart lately, or my spirit. I've replaced the fear with the belief and gratitude. And as I said, the little miracles are now beginning to happen. I'm recognizing them with gratitude, so they continue. If we don't recognize them and get into a right state of being, they dry up. It's not in punishment, it's the Law of Attraction - you get what you expect. When you start recognizing them, they continue to increase.

I'll share some of my little miracles with you so you can see what I mean. Some are messages that have put me at the right place at the right time. An example is that I knew to go to Site Nite on Tuesday. That yielded information about Pittsburgh and my role here that's still unfolding. Often I'm prompted to attend events that further my mission here on earth and what I need next. That's a huge blessing to me, a miracle. My fondest wish on earth is to fulfill my mission. That brings me back to surrender. Fulfilling my mission is actually my greatest need, but survival needs can cloud that vision and crowd out that need. That's where God becomes so necessary in this. He knows my mission even better than I do and how best to get there. One of my needs is for physical healing and of course I want it yesterday. But I recognize that there may still be lessons and benefits from staying dis-eased, inner healing that needs to be fulfilled through the need for physical healing. So if I got my desire for physical healing in this moment, I could miss out on what I need more. That could lead to worse dis-ease later.

Some of my little miracles are of supply, and end up being great reassurances. This week I rode the bus for $1 on my outbound trip to Site Nite. That means I ended up not paying $1.50 extra as a result of not getting full bus money earlier in the day. Instead of it costing me for not being clear thinking in the afternoon, I was rewarded for faithfully listening to the prompt to attend Site Nite. And for listening to the subtle confirmation that I was supposed to attend. I've already told you that after participating in service at the charity event the week before, I found $2 on the sidewalk when I left. A bigger one came this week when I was feeling low in energy, trying to figure out how to get my energy up. I decided to tackle the new problem of the day first thing - a notice from the gas company about scheduling a safety check. When I called, the representative mentioned my past due bill. That bill was a concern for the week too. I was two months past due on my budget plan and determined to find out what I had to pay when, so I could gather my resources and get help. I wanted to be responsible and pro-active rather than come to crisis. So when he brought up the bill, I was happy to speak with him about it. Almost immediately he said the magic words - "Let's see how we can help you." Then he told me that if I switch out of the budget plan for now I'm better off because I actually have a $6 credit! In one minute I went from two months past due, about to face a cut off notice, to no bill again until November. If I'd avoided the safety check phone call because of fear of the bill, I'd have not only missed the miracle, but caused a gas cut off and much larger payment.

Sometimes the blessings are much more private and personal, but still miracles. You need to understand that my life used to be nothing but a search for love and acceptance, including good feelings about myself. And when you think about the things I've told you about my current living situation, there's a lot there that could bring me down and erode my self-esteem. In fact, I've had to work hard to heal from low self-esteem in all areas of my life, all categories. (I think for most of us it's an ongoing battle and we can't come into our own until we heal this. In our human condition, we absorb the wrong messages about ourselves - often from our parents and family, school, work situations, peers, and society. There's negativity all around us, including messages that everyone else is greater than us and can do better.) Certainly my ability to surrender in trust that God's supply and goodness applies to me wasn't possible until I'd reached a measure of healing. I've gotten this far through a measure of small personal miracles. Through many small blessings and kindnesses, I've learned that I am worthy of care and love. I receive so much through the kindness of strangers as well as those who have become important friends (family can be included as friends, and friends become our heart-family, please note). And part of receiving these blessings and miracles is being an instrument too. I find that regularly being an instrument creates miracles for me too. It can be as simple as smiling at someone on the bus or starting a little conversation. My mailman really likes me because when I see him I'm nice and talk with him in a friendly manner. I take an interest in him. I've had bus drivers go out of their way to take me closer to home when I ride at night or with heavy groceries. This is because I'm always nice and friendly with them.

The Law of Attraction brings miracles, large and small. The little girl who was so under-loved and respected is now very highly loved and respected. Most people who encounter me like me and treat me with respect now, and that opens doors. Most people who know me love me in some fashion and respect me. This is because I give them caring, love, kindness, and respect. Give is an action word that includes delivery. I am outgoing in this - I actively smile, talk with people, say nice things to them. I give words of encouragement. I give what I want and need and therefore receive it. But I give it from my heart, rather than with the motive to receive, which is from ego. I try to keep ego out of all interactions with my self, God, and others. In this way, I get out of His way and mine, and stay out of the way of others as much as possible. So I become an instrument of little miracles. That's led to self-respect and self-love, belief in deserving and good coming my way. And that leads to recognition of the goodness in life and the little miracles. I add them all up in gratitude, and use them to be happy in the now, no matter what my current circumstances look like. I understand that appearances are illusions rather than truth and that we can choose to be happy with whatever we have. When you are open to the miracles you recognize the ones you haven't seen that are right in front of you. It gives you the courage to move forward in new ways, to make true progress, which is a huge miracle in itself. And thus you create new ones for yourself, and are open to supply from God and the angels.

Surrender Brings Clarity & Peace

The week of September 27 I was writing about receiving messages, and this post goes along with those and the one from yesterday. Last night I went to Site Nite. Those of you interested in unity and oneness in the Pittsburgh area, in connection with other like-minded individuals, and seekers - please go to their website (.org) and start attending events! With my situation, I have to pick and choose which events I attend, from Site Nite and all the others that come my way. When I read what the talk was going to be about, I knew I was supposed to be there last night. I forget what the trigger in the description was and it truly doesn't matter. It was actually a very subtle message. It didn't need to be stronger because I readily decided to go. I love Site Nite and those who attend, and can easily get there by bus so it's not a challenge. As soon as the speaker started, I had it confirmed that I was supposed to be there, and multiple times during her presentation. Because the subject of receiving messages is fresh from the week of the 27th, I noted what I noticed. For me, the majority of messages delivered from the mouth of strangers or delivered by email from sites come in my own specific "language." Further, there are a series of language specific things said in each, or one so profound, that I recognize that it's an important message.

We each receive in our own best developed ways and identifying those ways really helps you receive and validate messages. My other big way is "knowing." When certain things are said, my spirit says, "Yes, I know that's true." The way I receive that is just a feeling of surety, that validates the message. And if I need help with belief, there are other ways I receive the validation, like my specific "language" or the appearance of certain animals. Synchronicities are something else I pay attention to. But back to "knowing" for a minute. It's a feeling of peace, of affirmation of the message, of "rightness," the way I receive it. It can also come as, "Oh, so that's why" or "Oh, that explains it, I understand now." To tell you what I mean about language, I'll give you some examples. The first words last night were about all that happened after she surrendered. You know, that's my most current theme, and I've been telling about all that's unfolding from that. She also spoke of being drawn to Pittsburgh, as I know I was. She talked about the rivers in Pittsburgh, which fascinate me and help keep me here. There were a lot of things spoken in my language last night. Another example of my language is anytime someone talks about "beyond my wildest dreams," since that's my signature phrase. We all have names, words, and phrases that resonate with us in a highly personal way. Important names for me include the last name of my grandparents, the name of the man I've loved most in this world and any part of his name, other special names of loved ones. I can't think of any specific single words at this moment, or other phrases because I'm trying. You simply recognize them when you hear them - they turn on a light within you, and you pay heart-attention then to whatever is said next.

That said, I've been getting more messages steadily in the past few weeks than I ever had in the same time period. Surrendering meant I opened more fully, so it's much easier for God and the angels to deliver messages. I'm listening better and closer to full time now. I even invite them fully into my dream life - I've upped the intent in that, and the belief, plus the purpose. So I've been getting multiple important messages every day and that adds up to clarity and more messages. And all of that adds up to peace. I clearly know who and what I am now. I say that with reservation though. I still have some leftover blockages, like most humans do. I still have some of my past clinging to me, making me say, "Who do I think I am and why do I think I can do this." But every day, less of that clings to me, especially when the more profound messages come to me. Now my regular state of being is quiet excitement and anticipation of the next step in the adventure my life has become. I say quiet excitement because I haven't been given to entirely see, or to feel yet, what's coming. That's a blessing, because it would ruin the "now" and the journey. The travel of getting there is an adventure in itself! And I so love fun travel, the interesting scenery along the way. My favorite travel is where the travel is the event, not the destination. Or better yet, when it totally features both! That's what this is becoming for me. It's also quiet excitement because the messages and revelations are very private and profound, and deeply Loving. And because my being is peace, and so I'm being brought into my own more and more with these messages, into a state of living in grace and peace, living in the flow. I am truly coming to know that all is and will be right with the world and that I am safe. So are my loved ones. I have no reason to fear anything, which brings great peace. Every time the slightest fear intrudes from past training, I immediately register that this is not of me. That's entirely new for me. It would be like picking up someone else's shoes - identical to yours but 3 sizes too small. I immediately know this doesn't fit, isn't what belongs in my life or where I wish to be or stay. And so my first thought after registering that is what to do about it in this instance. I've talked about coping mechanisms before. I recognize the ill fit right away and decide which coping mechanism would work best at that moment to get me out of it fastest. Because now my only comfort zone is not all those old, once familiar past fears, but gratitude, grace, joy, and peace. And this all came about because of surrender as the final step to grace.

Surrender is a Catalyst for Change

In September 2010 I knew that the life I was living was entirely over, would be finished in October 2010. I knew my marriage was ending and my then husband was going to jail. I faced that I had suppressed years of dysfunction, put on a "happy face" for myself and others for 10 years. There was a lot of good, I wasn't entirely living a lie. But I had been lying to myself all that time, and it had all come to a "head." I couldn't stay in denial any more. I was again going to be alone, and this time I was starting with less than nothing (bad credit for the first time ever, no income, debts, a house literally full of unpacked boxes from my husband plus from a classic hoarder, no recent office job history, and no assets except for 2 old cars) and full responsibility for the care of my life-long abuser who was still abusing me. But me being who I am - I took this as an opportunity. I knew I wouldn't have responsibility for my mother (the abuser I mentioned) for more than about six months, and that after that my only responsibility was my own life. My kids were grown and off on their own. Now it was supposed to be my time, and I decided to make that my goal. Again, given who I am, what that meant was it was finally time to find out what I came to earth to do, and to use my gifts and talents (at that time, I was just thinking about my artistic and creative talents - which was all I was aware of).

That was not a true surrender point because I still kept all my worries, fears, and struggles. I was living between hell on earth and what began unfolding after that decision. The first thing that happened was I was led to Reiki by a series of unforeseeable events. I consulted with a friend (you'll notice in my blogs that this is an important theme) on ways to make money from home or without a traditional job. Her main suggestion led to a series of calls that led me to talk with a stranger who took an hour to brainstorm with me. Toward the end of the hour he told me I'm a healer and should become attuned to Reiki, how perfect it would be for where my heart is and what I wanted to do. I'd never even heard of it. So that call was the first synchronicity. The next is that within two weeks I met with the group surrounding the woman who is now my Reiki Master. At that time there were two main known sources of Reiki attunements and this one is perfect for me. I've attended a group Reiki session only once with the other one - refused to go back to her group for any reason. I'm not sure why her energy is all wrong for me because she had a huge following. But the timing of classes and a Reiki Exchange landed me with exactly the right Master for me - the second great synchronicity.

As happens with anyone truly dedicated to Reiki from heart-center, my life began to drastically change after my second Reiki attunement. The guy who first told me about Reiki (now a very dear friend, one of my beloved ones) warned me that if I was attuned, my life would never be the same again. He told me I'd find the existence of things I'd only dreamed or heard of, and more. Two years later, I've now just finished reading Diane Stein's "Essential Reiki," where she says just that in her own words. However, I've never needed the reminder. I'm in awe of all that's unfolded since that attunement. My friend and mentor was so right! I told him I was more than ready and I was. Still, that first year I can't count the times I wondered for just a moment if I was "off my rocker" and the rest of the world was right. However, I know the hearts of the others who are off their rockers with me, and I honor and respect them more than most people I've ever known.

It's taken two years, but my life has changed more than I could have imagined. In fact, tonight I just saw a dear friend that I haven't seen in about a year and she kept telling me how different and great I look. Just the other day I read in one of Ms. Stein's books that a year later her students look much different. I see myself in the mirror every day so I have no idea what people are seeing, but in the last month I've been hearing this all the time. A year ago perhaps to this very day, I received my Reiki Master/Teacher attunement, and experienced the sheer joy that came with that. But for the most part, it's been a very difficult year. First I quickly packed to move to Pittsburgh, and that was such a physical burden. Then the roller coaster began. First I was working here with someone, meeting new people, starting to flourish and then that ended a month after I moved in. Just over a month later I totaled my car and couldn't replace it. The friend I was working with came back into my life, then dumped me again about a month later. All I while I was trying to find income sources, lost, bewildered, struggling just to survive. So it's been a very tough year. All the while I was trying to clear all blockages, become the best me I can be, and heal from all my past. I tried everything in my power, including with the power of Reiki, to heal, learn, grow, and overcome my past and circumstances, to move forward with my life in a totally positive direction. And with every breakthrough came a dead-end on income. Every time I thought I'd cleared THE blockage and good job openings appeared or I'd have an interview, it seemed like the door would slam in my face. So I just kept picking myself up from crisis to crisis.

Yet along the way great things were happening, or people wouldn't be saying how great I look. Listen, I'm about to turn 57. At this point, when a year passes we aren't usually remarkably better looking! I'd already lost all the weight I talk about by this time last year, or nearly. I might be a little smaller, but it can't be by much I don't think. I haven't had a working scale in years so I only weigh in at the doctor's, and haven't been there in 11 months. Anyway, even though it's been a difficult year, and two years, I've come light-years in two. I've discovered way more gifts that I thought I had - psychic and mediumship abilities and all that goes with that, for one. I've discovered how much more intuitive I am than I realized, and how to work with that. I've gone from taking nearly twice the maximum allowable daily dosages of two different insulins, to not taking any. And I've healed most of the way from abuse heaped on top of abuse - major trauma that most people don't recover from. And I've turned from a life of serving a nearly entirely self-absorbed, self-centered, selfish human to serving God and others. I've come such a long way, baby - that I truly can't begin to tell you. It's like the physical appearance too - since I live with myself every day, I often have to hear it from others to truly realize the changes. I love seeing my soul group and hearing about how different I am! They met and embraced me when I was a nervous wreck, a total mess. I met someone who reminded me of that time tonight, was somewhat like I was then. Oh my! So when they reflect this back to me I get a sense of how far I've come. And through my inner life I do too.

And I ain't seen nothin' yet! Because I just truly began the real surrender a week or so ago. Already the changes are as huge as the last year, and the last two, at least in my mind. Eight months after I made the decision in September 2010, to find out what I'm here to do, I was told in a reading. I was told who I am, where I came from, what I do - my life mission. Yet still I was struggling in the world all this year, living in a fog. I didn't know how to get from point A to point B, and I seemed to just make one wrong turn after another. Other times I was frozen by indecision. I was moving forward in some ways, but not enough to make a visible difference toward a solution. And I just kept trying, kept thinking any day now things would get better. Yet I made some definitely right choices along the way, like going back to college as a catalyst for change. When I gave it to God and the angels (because I was running up against a brick wall) I was led to a degree in psychology with a life coaching "cognate" - whatever that means. I found a Christian university with a compatible program, that I hadn't found through a week of hours-daily searching until after the surrender and prayer. Today, I just "happened" to talk with an academic adviser who more than answered my questions about my college completion program. He told me I could use my elective courses to minor in Christian Counseling, not knowing I've been so envying Bekah's studies in that. And since I made this all-encompassing surrender to God within the last week or so, I've also been assured that yes, my choice of college and my choice of majors has entirely put me in alignment with the needs of my life mission! I thought I was making an economic decision when I started the exploration. 

Another thing that's happened since this all-encompassing surrender, is that my life mission is coming into much better focus. April 2010 I was told, and it resonated within me. Less than a year ago, a wonderful teacher suggested with write our mission statements and I did. But now the angels are telling me who and what I am, and showing me how my mission is unfolding. Now I'm beginning to live it first-hand, and that is huge. It's also been a bit like going from 0 - 90 mph in a split second. I'll get more into some of this tomorrow, so I'll start and end with tonight. I went to a Site Nite program. If you live in the Pittsburgh area, you so have to come to the programs! Some of the first words out of the mouth of tonight's speaker was that things began happening as soon as she surrendered her life mission to God! Then she began telling us about it. Among other things, it led her to write and publish a whole book in 7 1/2 months! More importantly, it changed - transformed her whole life.

This Could Be the Start of Something Big!

Actually, it IS the start of something big, but I'm thinking in song again. In fact, I've been singing and humming to myself most of the day. And in my transformed daily devotion time first thing today, the communion was great and the messages flowing. My prayer time was a conversation, which I loved. Sometimes I spoke out loud, which I usually do. But when I "listen" I don't hear a voice, He just speaks into my mind and I receive. It's always been this way - I've never heard His voice or the voice of Jesus. So when I start receiving without hearing a voice, I fall into the exchange of mental messages without using my voice. And for me, that's when it's simply heart to Heart, what I love best. How do I know it's Him? Because that's who I'm addressing, and the responses are immediate and fit what I just said or asked. God is within each of us so it comes from within but isn't our soul or higher self - it's Him.

So today in conversation the questions barely came to mind before the answers were there. I didn't realize I was asking about prayer. He already knows all we need and doesn't need supplication or explanation. But the purpose of prayer is connection. The best form of prayer is conversation, as described above. Now, some have heard a voice. Some need that. I've desired it when I was a teen, but not needed it so have never received His messages that way. The next question was about prayer for others, since He also knows their needs. The answer was that it expands our hearts, love, care, and compassion for others. So prayer is really all about connection to God, and Love. It benefits us, not God. He doesn't need us to acknowledge Him. We have the need to acknowledge Him.

So back to the theme of yesterday. I was drawn to the guided meditation given by my Reiki Master last month, and the opportunity to go with a friend opened up. I was led to ask the friend to go, and to take me. That provided the opportunity for him too. I know the angels put this on my heart and I listened. The result was a huge healing and such an opening of my spirit that I've been benefiting almost every day ever since. My spiritual life, understanding, and opening has advanced so quickly since that night! I leaped a huge hurdle of blockage in vision and the fog of care was lifted. The angels spoke to my mind and heart about rejoining my soul group last month and involving my friend, and I listened. That put me in the "right place at the right time" that we hear about. I had no clue the benefit would be so awesome. But I knew to listen and do it. I truly didn't expect or anticipate the beginning of "beyond my wildest dreams." But I've believed in it and yearned for it so much in my life and had faith it was coming. I feel like I went from the wilderness to "over the rainbow" in a few short weeks as a result of the healing and opening from that meditation. To me the change appears like solving a math problem. I used to take accelerated math classes in junior high and I remember so struggling with some of the concepts. I'd work so hard to understand but it was like looking through fog. All of a sudden it would become clear, like sunshine suddenly streaming through, burning away the fog. Then I could do the math problem, all others like it, and apply what I learned to further concepts. I feel like yesterday that happened in my spiritual life, growth, understanding. When that happens in math, suddenly it all makes sense and you begin to see a whole picture of equation relationships. That's what I'm experiencing now.

How do you get there? I had to seek and work at it. I started with that long devotion period and did it for about a year faithfully. I've detailed it before. I have to say it was all worth it although most of that process has become unnecessary now. It helped me learn all the lessons I needed along the way, often the easy way. It taught me to trust and listen, to recognize the messages. I learned to identify when the angels were communicating with me. I cleared myself of past pain and much of what was not pure Love within me. However long it takes you to do it, that's got to be the first step. Time will pass whether you're doing it or not so don't even think in terms of time. We all long to get there NOW if we want it at all. I know that impatience but learned patience long ago. All in time, in the proper time. It can be so hard to keep struggling and not seeing the results clearly, not see the progress. I'm reminded of Mike Dooley (tut.com) saying in one of his books that if you've never been some place before you don't recognize the progress. You can get directions online and you have to trust in the directions, keep going. One minute you don't know where you are since you've never been there, and the next you've arrived. It takes trust, faith in the process, and persistence. If you stop and turn around because you don't know where you are, you'll never get there. But there are landmarks from others who've already arrived - use them. That's part of what I've been told to do for you - leave you those landmarks through this blog site. I'll make them as clear as I possibly can. But you have to listen with your heart.

You will walk the path in your own way. Your path will be different than mine but you can use the same process to get there. Your destination will be different. It's like Mapquest. We use the same computer program/site to type in our individual start and end point. But the same process gets us there. Mapquest gives us alternative routes and we get to choose. You can get to many places while avoiding uncomfortable or slowing traffic with an alternate route. You can take the scenic route in many instances, or have the choice of a more direct route. The choices we make determine how fast we get there and how much trouble we have along the way. Without a car I get rides a lot and I see what happens when you hold onto what you think you know instead of being guided. Those who hold onto past experience that no longer serves end up taking a very convoluted and long route. One friend has knowledge from childhood and takes the longest to get to any place we go. He no longer lives in this area so isn't current on his information, is dealing with his distant memories. He doesn't consult or request information that would get him there faster and easier. He thinks he knows what he's doing. Another friend questions the route everywhere we go and takes convoluted "short cuts" when I already have the directions handy. So I've also seen him end up taking much longer to get places.

The point is that we do all progress in life. The choices we make determine the length and ease of the journey, and what we experience along the way. As you make your choices please remember that all we ever have is now, this very moment. The past is gone and the future never comes - the truth of that is in the definition of those words. We all want to "get there already" but if you aren't making your "now" all you can, you're entirely missing out. I've made that mistake most of my life. I only stopped sporadically along the way to enjoy what was all around me. One of the biggest differences now is that I'm living in joy in the moment. I'm grateful for what IS. Make the most of and be grateful for what you have this very moment because it's all you're going to have, and is more than enough. After all, you're alive and able to read this. You have so much in this very moment - grace, love, and so much more. Sight to read, the ability to read, access to a computer, electricity... The way to joy is recognition of the beauty and bounty all around us.

My First Taste of Absolute Freedom, More on Angels

Sorry this is so long but it's SO important! I just spent six hours moving from the mid-point to a spot so far ahead in understanding that I'm awed beyond words. I started my day today with some concern. I'm not sure what I dreamed but when I awoke I became conscious of two main things. One was that the mail hadn't come. If I was going to get the check I awaited to pay my rent, it normally would have already been delivered. Rent was due October 1 and she wants it on the first of the month or I pay a hefty late fee. My landlord hadn't returned my call from Monday when I left a message saying I was awaiting a check. Those of you who know the situation know this would be the cause for much tension on my part. I've been living month to month every since I moved here last November. I haven't entirely unpacked because I never felt I was going to get to stay. Also, my landlord still feels a deep sense of ownership and involvement here so I have felt like a squatter. She's a wonderful person and I understand her connection here. She's been kind and generous to me, including not calling until today to impose the late charge on me.

The other thing I soon became aware of was a pretty negative song running through my head, "Total Eclipse of the Heart." I heard it Monday afternoon in the grocery and I suspect hearing it in my head once I was fully awake means it was connected to the dream I had just before awakening. It was my version of "our song" with my latest ex. We didn't have songs or dates or romance so I was the one who came up with my own version of the typical "our song." Which is only fitting, and you can see why it was such a negative song. A year ago when I heard this song, I cried and cried. Now I've reclaimed it. It's a song that fit an old part of me and my life. So it belongs to me as the memory of the sorrow and the ownership of the experience belongs to me. Not to dwell in the unhappiness, but to acknowledge that piece of me and have it to share. I use these pieces to help and understand others and thus "redeem" my experiences. Now, if you've ever been a victim, you might agree or disagree with the word "redeem." That depends on what you've done with your experience. I've chosen to help others with the understanding of their pain born of my own experiences and God-given empathy.

After I got up and sipped some coffee, I realized I needed to flip my mind back from concern to where I was most of yesterday. If you haven't read yesterday's blog, please take the time now before you go on reading this one. I also realized I had to pull out the book from yesterday and put on the necklace I was given last night. So I fed the cats and did those two things, then sat outside with my journal to process what I was feeling. First I noticed that I was already beginning to feel better as soon as I put the necklace on. Rebekah Gamble (of the Asian Brocade Etsy store) made me a lapis lazuli necklace. Nick Lamia (Gaias Oneness Pittsburgh meetup.com group) said I need it for my thyroid and thymus. Remember, he's done some super intensive treatments on me. I know Bekah, my heart/psychic daughter, makes beautiful jewelry with heart so I asked her to make me one. Not only was Nick right but Bekah sure put a lot of healing energy and love and Love into the necklace! I felt it last night as soon as I put it on, and the longer I wore it. But last night I was perfectly fine so I only felt the love and power. Today I noticed an almost immediate shift of attitude when I put it on, which means it created an immediate energy shift. It just took me a minute to become aware of the attitude change. My point in telling you this is to tell you that it's all so important. You never know what source is going to bring you exactly what you need. So whatever resonates with you, reach for it. I knew Nick was right because I feel these things. I knew Bekah was my best source for the necklace because of the love that would be put into it. However, she blew me away. She delivered in that necklace one of my very first "beyond my wildest dreams" experiences!

"It takes a village" - it truly takes every resonating experience and bit of learning you can get to get where you need and want to be. So just keep at it. It can take a long time but rest assured that the time line is collapsing in on itself at this point. Some have been at it for many years. Then comes someone like me who dabbled for many years but has only been seriously at it for two years. Yet I've come so far. Those just beginning now will reach "it" even faster, thanks to the collapsing time line. So never feel it's too late to start or that you couldn't ever reach where you want to be. And please don't compare yourself to someone with much more experience! I didn't paint all my adult life because of doing that! I missed the fact that I was very successful with Tupperware and so much enjoyment because of that! Understand that you're exactly where you're supposed to be right now in your life and that it's all good. You will now progress at the rate and speed that is right for you.

So my first realization of the day was that I shifted when I put on the necklace. My next was the song and how I reacted. Then I thought of the words and how fitting they were after all. Music is me and I am music so these things are a vital part of me. Then I realized that I really want to get rid of all interpersonal drama. It's a huge breakthrough to identify it as personal drama in the first place. It's not reality, it's all just drama and I don't have room in my life for drama. In interpersonal drama it takes two - the one who turns it into drama and the one who reacts to it. I saw that every once in awhile I turn things into drama. I could have chosen to turn this rent situation into drama, even minor drama, but didn't. I "can't afford" the late fee. But I can "afford" the drama even less so I refuse to go there. Drama is a choice, both making it and reacting to it. From that I moved on to the fact that it was a totally gorgeous day, felt perfect to me. I purposely watched the evening weather report because it was such a remarkably perfect weather day to me. Sure enough, the high today was 74 degrees. Know thyself! Every single time I feel for an extended period during a day that the weather feels absolutely perfect, the high was 74 degrees! I also really tuned into one of my favorite bird songs. I haven't heard it in a long time and couldn't see which type of bird was singing. But I sure enjoyed the song each time I heard it.

Then I realized that I was feeling so full of love and grace and joy and gratitude and appreciation of the day - and my life and God and all that's in my life! And just as I wrote that in my journal the sun came out and started warming my back as if it was enfolding me in love. I then realized that all pressure was off for the day. I can't do anything to make that check arrive. I don't have to ride the bus to the bank and can't pay bills. Later I can do my school work. It's actually all a matter of choice and I can choose to spend my time for this day on my needs or wants without guilt. I trust myself not to blow it and not meet my obligations in time. I don't have to job hunt during the day today, just for this day. And I don't have to stress or feel guilty for taking a day off from it all. The world isn't going to come crashing down on me in judgment. All my life I lived in that fear and it motivated me. I used to expect a God-sized shoe of judgment. I used to expect wreck and ruin in my entire life if I ever did the slightest thing wrong on failed for even one moment to do ALL that's expected of me all the time. And so I've had my first taste of absolute freedom.

Now I know God isn't going to judge me harshly. It wouldn't really be "free" will if He punished us for our choices. Natural consequences punishes us, not God. But He also doesn't save us from the consequences of our acts, in most cases. He could keep someone from dying before their time if He chose, but He's not going to keep you from being fined or going to jail if you break laws. And from there I went into exploring what God and the angels do and don't do for us. As I worked it through I used the job scenario. He doesn't make job openings and He doesn't make you get hired or go on specific interview or look on certain job search sites. He doesn't make people do things - back to free will. Also, we're now getting into the kind of thing that angels do for Him. If you're listening, they could nudge you to a certain job search site knowing the job you want has been posted or is often posted there.

The angels love using a variety of Love connected people to help each other. Tonight as I wrote the part about the necklace, Bekah texted me that she was thinking of me and I laughed, knew why. Two paragraphs ago my mentor called me, said I've been on his mind for 10 days now. I laughed because I've been meaning to call him for days now too. While on the phone, as usual, he had some gems for me. The angels LOVE using him in particular in my life. In fact, I thought maybe he was an angel rather than earthly after my first talk with him. Remember, he was a stranger I "met" on the phone trying to find out whether you can make money as a mobile notary, just over two years ago. Before the end of our hour long conversation he told me I'm a healer and I need to be attuned to Reiki, which I'd never heard of. The rest is history (she says with a huge smile). This time he told me of a job search site I'd never heard of that searches all the sites at once for you (unless this was the one I spent one frustrating day searching for a month ago). He also told me of grant money I might qualify for.

Anyway, the angels can help you "be in the right place at the right time" by nudging you toward it or sending you messages. Last week I talked about some of the ways angels can give you messages. Last week I spent precious money on a women's magazine because I saw the title in the checkout line and felt drawn. It has a really great article on making money from home and I felt compelled. In the past it would have been a waste but this time it was really about jobs, not "business opportunities." I felt guided to go to my Reiki Master's guided meditation last week. Read the blogs from last week to see what a great idea that was. So back to the idea of income sources. The money is out there. Some people do have it and to spare. Last night a bunch of us came together and raised money for someone in real need. I didn't have the money for baked goods for resale or to donate but I gave my time. I didn't contribute a penny because I just didn't have it to spare yet the money was raised. Do you see the power here? Supply is out there - it's a matter of tapping in. Jobs are out there too. You have to be out there trying so you can be nudged toward supply or others nudged toward you. And you have to know what you seek so you can recognize it. And you have to be prepared to receive. If your hands are full of garbage you've collected and not yet thrown away, they can't be filled with bounty and supply. You can't even take notes of ideas or opportunities! The angels don't open doors - I think that's really a misleading way of saying it. What they do is nudge those in motion who are earnestly seeking, toward the door about to open or as it opens. Those nudges are the messages I talked about last week. More tomorrow.