Sorry this is so long but it's SO important! I just spent six hours moving from the mid-point to a spot so far ahead in understanding that I'm awed beyond words. I started my day today with some concern. I'm not sure what I dreamed but when I awoke I became conscious of two main things. One was that the mail hadn't come. If I was going to get the check I awaited to pay my rent, it normally would have already been delivered. Rent was due October 1 and she wants it on the first of the month or I pay a hefty late fee. My landlord hadn't returned my call from Monday when I left a message saying I was awaiting a check. Those of you who know the situation know this would be the cause for much tension on my part. I've been living month to month every since I moved here last November. I haven't entirely unpacked because I never felt I was going to get to stay. Also, my landlord still feels a deep sense of ownership and involvement here so I have felt like a squatter. She's a wonderful person and I understand her connection here. She's been kind and generous to me, including not calling until today to impose the late charge on me.
The other thing I soon became aware of was a pretty negative song running through my head, "Total Eclipse of the Heart." I heard it Monday afternoon in the grocery and I suspect hearing it in my head once I was fully awake means it was connected to the dream I had just before awakening. It was my version of "our song" with my latest ex. We didn't have songs or dates or romance so I was the one who came up with my own version of the typical "our song." Which is only fitting, and you can see why it was such a negative song. A year ago when I heard this song, I cried and cried. Now I've reclaimed it. It's a song that fit an old part of me and my life. So it belongs to me as the memory of the sorrow and the ownership of the experience belongs to me. Not to dwell in the unhappiness, but to acknowledge that piece of me and have it to share. I use these pieces to help and understand others and thus "redeem" my experiences. Now, if you've ever been a victim, you might agree or disagree with the word "redeem." That depends on what you've done with your experience. I've chosen to help others with the understanding of their pain born of my own experiences and God-given empathy.
After I got up and sipped some coffee, I realized I needed to flip my mind back from concern to where I was most of yesterday. If you haven't read yesterday's blog, please take the time now before you go on reading this one. I also realized I had to pull out the book from yesterday and put on the necklace I was given last night. So I fed the cats and did those two things, then sat outside with my journal to process what I was feeling. First I noticed that I was already beginning to feel better as soon as I put the necklace on. Rebekah Gamble (of the Asian Brocade Etsy store) made me a lapis lazuli necklace. Nick Lamia (Gaias Oneness Pittsburgh meetup.com group) said I need it for my thyroid and thymus. Remember, he's done some super intensive treatments on me. I know Bekah, my heart/psychic daughter, makes beautiful jewelry with heart so I asked her to make me one. Not only was Nick right but Bekah sure put a lot of healing energy and love and Love into the necklace! I felt it last night as soon as I put it on, and the longer I wore it. But last night I was perfectly fine so I only felt the love and power. Today I noticed an almost immediate shift of attitude when I put it on, which means it created an immediate energy shift. It just took me a minute to become aware of the attitude change. My point in telling you this is to tell you that it's all so important. You never know what source is going to bring you exactly what you need. So whatever resonates with you, reach for it. I knew Nick was right because I feel these things. I knew Bekah was my best source for the necklace because of the love that would be put into it. However, she blew me away. She delivered in that necklace one of my very first "beyond my wildest dreams" experiences!
"It takes a village" - it truly takes every resonating experience and bit of learning you can get to get where you need and want to be. So just keep at it. It can take a long time but rest assured that the time line is collapsing in on itself at this point. Some have been at it for many years. Then comes someone like me who dabbled for many years but has only been seriously at it for two years. Yet I've come so far. Those just beginning now will reach "it" even faster, thanks to the collapsing time line. So never feel it's too late to start or that you couldn't ever reach where you want to be. And please don't compare yourself to someone with much more experience! I didn't paint all my adult life because of doing that! I missed the fact that I was very successful with Tupperware and so much enjoyment because of that! Understand that you're exactly where you're supposed to be right now in your life and that it's all good. You will now progress at the rate and speed that is right for you.
So my first realization of the day was that I shifted when I put on the necklace. My next was the song and how I reacted. Then I thought of the words and how fitting they were after all. Music is me and I am music so these things are a vital part of me. Then I realized that I really want to get rid of all interpersonal drama. It's a huge breakthrough to identify it as personal drama in the first place. It's not reality, it's all just drama and I don't have room in my life for drama. In interpersonal drama it takes two - the one who turns it into drama and the one who reacts to it. I saw that every once in awhile I turn things into drama. I could have chosen to turn this rent situation into drama, even minor drama, but didn't. I "can't afford" the late fee. But I can "afford" the drama even less so I refuse to go there. Drama is a choice, both making it and reacting to it. From that I moved on to the fact that it was a totally gorgeous day, felt perfect to me. I purposely watched the evening weather report because it was such a remarkably perfect weather day to me. Sure enough, the high today was 74 degrees. Know thyself! Every single time I feel for an extended period during a day that the weather feels absolutely perfect, the high was 74 degrees! I also really tuned into one of my favorite bird songs. I haven't heard it in a long time and couldn't see which type of bird was singing. But I sure enjoyed the song each time I heard it.
Then I realized that I was feeling so full of love and grace and joy and gratitude and appreciation of the day - and my life and God and all that's in my life! And just as I wrote that in my journal the sun came out and started warming my back as if it was enfolding me in love. I then realized that all pressure was off for the day. I can't do anything to make that check arrive. I don't have to ride the bus to the bank and can't pay bills. Later I can do my school work. It's actually all a matter of choice and I can choose to spend my time for this day on my needs or wants without guilt. I trust myself not to blow it and not meet my obligations in time. I don't have to job hunt during the day today, just for this day. And I don't have to stress or feel guilty for taking a day off from it all. The world isn't going to come crashing down on me in judgment. All my life I lived in that fear and it motivated me. I used to expect a God-sized shoe of judgment. I used to expect wreck and ruin in my entire life if I ever did the slightest thing wrong on failed for even one moment to do ALL that's expected of me all the time. And so I've had my first taste of absolute freedom.
Now I know God isn't going to judge me harshly. It wouldn't really be "free" will if He punished us for our choices. Natural consequences punishes us, not God. But He also doesn't save us from the consequences of our acts, in most cases. He could keep someone from dying before their time if He chose, but He's not going to keep you from being fined or going to jail if you break laws. And from there I went into exploring what God and the angels do and don't do for us. As I worked it through I used the job scenario. He doesn't make job openings and He doesn't make you get hired or go on specific interview or look on certain job search sites. He doesn't make people do things - back to free will. Also, we're now getting into the kind of thing that angels do for Him. If you're listening, they could nudge you to a certain job search site knowing the job you want has been posted or is often posted there.
The angels love using a variety of Love connected people to help each other. Tonight as I wrote the part about the necklace, Bekah texted me that she was thinking of me and I laughed, knew why. Two paragraphs ago my mentor called me, said I've been on his mind for 10 days now. I laughed because I've been meaning to call him for days now too. While on the phone, as usual, he had some gems for me. The angels LOVE using him in particular in my life. In fact, I thought maybe he was an angel rather than earthly after my first talk with him. Remember, he was a stranger I "met" on the phone trying to find out whether you can make money as a mobile notary, just over two years ago. Before the end of our hour long conversation he told me I'm a healer and I need to be attuned to Reiki, which I'd never heard of. The rest is history (she says with a huge smile). This time he told me of a job search site I'd never heard of that searches all the sites at once for you (unless this was the one I spent one frustrating day searching for a month ago). He also told me of grant money I might qualify for.
Anyway, the angels can help you "be in the right place at the right time" by nudging you toward it or sending you messages. Last week I talked about some of the ways angels can give you messages. Last week I spent precious money on a women's magazine because I saw the title in the checkout line and felt drawn. It has a really great article on making money from home and I felt compelled. In the past it would have been a waste but this time it was really about jobs, not "business opportunities." I felt guided to go to my Reiki Master's guided meditation last week. Read the blogs from last week to see what a great idea that was. So back to the idea of income sources. The money is out there. Some people do have it and to spare. Last night a bunch of us came together and raised money for someone in real need. I didn't have the money for baked goods for resale or to donate but I gave my time. I didn't contribute a penny because I just didn't have it to spare yet the money was raised. Do you see the power here? Supply is out there - it's a matter of tapping in. Jobs are out there too. You have to be out there trying so you can be nudged toward supply or others nudged toward you. And you have to know what you seek so you can recognize it. And you have to be prepared to receive. If your hands are full of garbage you've collected and not yet thrown away, they can't be filled with bounty and supply. You can't even take notes of ideas or opportunities! The angels don't open doors - I think that's really a misleading way of saying it. What they do is nudge those in motion who are earnestly seeking, toward the door about to open or as it opens. Those nudges are the messages I talked about last week. More tomorrow.
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