When You Get to the Fork - Signs from God

One of the things Yogi Berra is most known for is his weird way of saying things. You even saw him in the barbershop Aflack commercial. One is: "When you come to the fork in the road, take it." Turns out there was a very good reason behind that one, having to do with directions to his house. It didn't matter which fork you took because both took you to his house, hence the saying. He could have made it easy for people and consistently told them the right or left, and I don't know if they were equal - if one would have been better than the other. All I know is that both got you there. So too with God. He can use anything to get you where you need or want to go. He uses our circumstances to teach us the lessons we need, whatever they are. If we're willing to listen and want to learn.

Today someone suggested to one of my Dear Ones that something could be a sign from God on what job to accept. She's trying to relocate out of state, miserable in her current job, and has ended up with one solid job offer and another one in the works. The problem is, she wants the one that hasn't delivered the offer letter yet. She has to answer the first one but wants the second. Someone close to her suggested, as I said, that perhaps the slowness of the HR person is a sign. I had to tell her God doesn't actually work that way. I could see what was going to happen next because I've been there. She wanted the second job offer yesterday (or Wednesday even) and I can see it finally coming through on Monday. It'll come just in time to turn the other one down - she said she'd give them an answer around the first of next week. Only with that seed of doubt planted, she won't feel entirely secure or comfortable in her decision to take the second one.

When we look for or assign arbitrary signs to God we can really get ourselves stressed out. I know people who still do this, and in the late 1980's, I regularly stressed in this way. I was so eager to do God's will to the letter. I was also miserable in my life, clinging to God and religion as a solution. I drove myself to high stress levels trying to figure out what God wanted me to do. Then, in 1990, we got a wise, new minister who told me God just wanted me to please myself rather than worry about what He wants. And with explanation, that's actually the case.

God just doesn't care which job she takes. He can work things out for her and teach and lead her no matter what. In the end, the daily details don't matter as much as we make them. She's worried because she's miserable in her job now and doesn't want to make a choice that will lead to the same situation. Now I'll tell you there are basically two kinds of choices we face. One is the "good" and "bad" kind, and those are actually very simple to decide. If it has potential to harm you or another, is illegal or unethical - don't do it. Otherwise we're often faced with two fairly attractive choices - pizza or Mexican food, chicken or turkey. Of course, they aren't really equal and we decide based on factors like what we're in the mood for and what our bodies are telling us at the time. But that's really pretty much what this job situation boils down to and why God DOESN'T give us signs about such things.

Once another dear friend wanted to know whether God wanted her to stay in the house her father left her or sell it and move. I told her God doesn't care beyond what she feels is best for her. I asked her whether living in her father's house was prolonging her pain over his death, or providing comfort. That needed to be the basis for her decision. God didn't care which she chose - there was no right or wrong there, other than what she decided SHE wanted for her life. God could work in her life either way. He wasn't going to give her a sign, as she was seeking. She had to learn to determine her own feelings and needs, learn to make decisions on her own. She finally decided to sell the house and move. At first she was in transition, living with her son. Then she found the perfect house for her, white picket fence and all! I'm serious - it really has one. She's so happy in that house, and she has learned so much through all this. She listened when I talked with her about her decisions. She then learned to think for herself rather than trying to get God to do her thinking. She just loves her house and life, feels so at home. Because she made decisions entirely based on what she needed and wanted. God smiled down on her when she made the decision and found the house, smoothed the way for her to buy it.

This takes us back to the fork in the road. God simply wants us to take it. It doesn't matter which one as long as you responsibly consider two fairly equal choices, rather than "good" or "bad." He is not going to give you signs to get you moving or deciding. Long ago I heard the difference between God's business and our business. Our business is taking action, and listening to God. Listening is entirely different than looking for signs. In fact, signs aren't involved at all in this. If He has a preference for our own good, He makes it very obvious to us, often through the angels. On taking action, if you are in motion, He can guide you. He's not going to take a cattle prod and get you moving in the right direction, though, if you're sitting around waiting for signs or for Him to make things happen. Our part is the action. If you are in motion and about to take a life-changing wrong turn, He can direct you. So how does God talk with us? It truly usually is that "still, small voice" you "hear." Usually He's that little whisper to try just one more time, or turn this way rather than that. He gave us hearts and minds equipped to discern His promptings. So it's mostly a matter of listening to ourselves first. First we have to know how to discern our true feelings, needs, and wants. That can be very hard for some and takes another blog. I'll post that one tomorrow. Once we learn to listen to ourselves, and act on this, it's easier to learn to hear God.

Yes, God does give signs. Usually a true "sign" from God is called serendipity these days. Usually those signs are the message, "I Love you and will provide for you." I see signs all the time, in every little gift. I got paid $100 ($300 has been owed since May) on Wednesday out of the blue, just the day I was going to the bank to withdraw money for the rent. That's a sign that He is doing things for me out of Love, approves and recognizes my efforts and struggles. He knows I have to ride the bus and spend $3.50 to get to the bank, or get a ride. He knows I noticed my dwindling funds, not sure when more money will come. So the money came the very day I was getting ready to go to the bank and withdraw, before I checked how much that would leave. And it happened right after I asked and received how to purify my heart toward the woman. As soon as I asked this time, I was given the message that praying for her truly and fully from heart was the answer to ridding myself of the last twinges of resentment. I did that and my heart swelled and opened. Less than a half hour later, there was the money, delivered by her husband with a note about it signed, "Be blessed." This woman hasn't spoken to me since May, and refused to help me when I sliced two fingers almost to the bone on electric hedge trimmers, so this is huge. So in this one example we see both a sign (He cares about my difficulties and stress level) and a message (answer to my mind on request for help in purifying heart).

This is just one thing - I could tell you countless other signs. They happen almost daily - either in my life or the lives of my dear ones. But all the signs are the same message. God does Love and care for us and our needs. He does work in our lives. He does His part and we have to do ours. Our part is to make the decisions and take the action, for one thing. Our part is also to connect with Him in relationship, so that we can receive His messages, recognize them, that "voice" in our minds. I "hear" Him so often these days that I always know it's Him - no question. I've been doing my parts, which is also how I know how signs work. He really doesn't care about all the little details like we do, but He knows us well. He tries to teach us what's really important and what isn't. I once was given the perspective to look at things, I think from the book, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and It All Is)." Ask yourself if this detail is going to matter a day from now, a week, a month, a year, 10 years, when you're gone. It did wonders for me and I really took it to heart. Some details matter more than others, like our living and working conditions. Things like that matter to our daily comfort level. That's where God tends to show us how giving and loving He is - in the details that really matter to us. I no longer stress about money because I know He's going to help me - I'm doing my part. It's not my fault I don't have a job yet. I trust Him and have faith and He rewards faith. I mean, I have true faith rather than momentary or "take away" faith, where I say I have it, then continue to fret and try to manipulate. I work at it, not try to bargain or manipulate. There's a huge difference and I can explain it in a note if you don't get it. God showed His care for me by providing that money right before I was going to deal with the issue - a wonderful sign of His Love.

Exquisite Gratitude, & Care of Self

I have two all-time favorite songs, and I'm currently listening to one as I sit in my cozy living room in front of a roaring fire. I'm listening to "Fantasy" by Earth, Wind, and Fire. It's my song, my life. It always makes me cry. I used to have the most depressing songs for "my" song and life! I just realized that again. "Send in the Clowns" (how I thought of myself), "Here's that Rainy Day," "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" by Meatloaf, and so many others through the years. Now my song is about a triumphant life of adventure, joy, and ecstasy. It makes me cry because it reminds me of what my life is about and becoming.

It's come to my attention several times in the last two days that I give to others way more than I do to myself. That's a problem, in this case. I am too self-effacing in many instances. Yesterday a dear friend helped me see that eating like a bird at someone else's house, for example, can be taken as an insult. In me, it's extreme - not wanting to be a taker, not feeling worthy despite being wanted and loved. He also reminded me as I said it - that for every giver there has to be a receiver, that balance is the key. I've been struggling with this for months now. The good news is, I'm so willing to learn and change, and eventually I do.

Today I'm getting part of it right. I've done nothing but do things for my benefit today. The fact that it includes praying for others and doing for the cats still fits into that, because that is where my heart is, rewards me. Today I built a fire in the fire place, just because I wanted one. Today was the perfect day for this - the first snow. I spent some time just enjoying the sight of the snow. I'm cooking for one today - some of my Thanksgiving favorites. I love the smell of the celery and onions cooking for stuffing, so I did that even though it's not my favorite food to eat. However, it's my heart and I'm just making a small amount. It brings my grandparents into the room, especially my grandma. She's been dead since 1985 and I miss her every single day, but most of all on Thanksgiving and Christmas. So I am doing this just for me.

I've spent some of today simply watching and tending the fire. I refuse to think about the huge school assignment I "should" get to. I'll get it done, put some time in after I write this blog. Right now I'm doing what I need to do for me - writing my heart. I also spent time taking photos of Cassandra, while she lounged on the living room floor in front of the fire, enthralled. She's part of the reason I built the fire today. She was fascinated the day I had to build one for heat. Pleasing them is one of my greatest joys, and it's one I get to indulge in daily. She and her sister were dumped and abused, and I love to do anything and everything I can to enhance their lives, provide joy for them.

While I was cutting up the celery, I put on music to keep me company. When "Fantasy" came on, I hit "repeat" so it would play over and over, and began dancing around. This time I didn't stop or censor myself, just gave in to it. It's time to shed being the perfect little lady, seen and not heard! It's time to quit being so self-contained and dignified. As I danced around the kitchen and dining room, I started crying as usual with this song, and I realized I'd reached "exquisite gratitude." I have one word and one phrase that mean everything to me - "exquisite" and "beyond my wildest dreams." Exquisite is a word for that feeling of pleasure that's so intense that it's a bit painful. It's a rare feeling, a huge gift. It's the ultimate, as is "beyond my wildest dreams."

So listening to my song and the promise, realizing that it's true, becoming reality - I was transported. I didn't have far to go though. I've been living in gratitude for awhile now. It's not every minute of every day but it's at least a portion of every day. I can't even begin to tell you all I'm grateful for. My daughter started writing a daily gratitude on Facebook a few weeks ago and then I started. I find it very difficult to just state one thing a day! I start every day expressing my gratitude to God, and every time the slightest good thing happens, I recognize it and thank Him. As a result, my whole life has changed, from within. Outwardly, nothing has changed and it suddenly doesn't matter at all to my state of being!

I first discovered what the word exquisite was about in the 1990's. It was my first experience, and it was repeated about five times a year, shared with a certain gentleman. I'd never experienced it before or since, until today. I've longed so for him and for that experience (exquisite) ever since 1998, especially recently. The more I come into my own and heal, the more I want for myself - the gifts of life and love, the rewards. Please know I'm not talking about anything material, although of course I have basic needs and wants in that arena too. Part of the promise I've believed in is that I would experience "exquisite" again, so the realization of it brought even more tears to my eyes, put me over the top. How incredibly awesome that I was able to create this for myself! Every day just gets better and better! My life is becoming exquisite. This is just the first time it's entirely gotten there. I've been very close to experiencing this for days now, coming up on it for weeks. I need to learn from the fact that it came about on this day because I gave myself exactly what I most want and need today, fully. That was the "icing on the cake," but so much has gone into this previously. It's been coming about as I reach out to give love and care to others at every opportunity, for one thing. And because I've been fully realizing how much God gives me and helps me every single day.

No one but ourselves and God can provide "exquisite." When I first experienced it in the 1990's, it took two, but I was responsible for my part in it. Now I know the way to get there is to be as true to my heart and self as I can, as I was then. That's how I got there then, and now. I've been working toward healing and balance in my life. I've been working to be the purest form of my self that I can. I've been living in response, following my heart moment to moment each day. But I was mostly doing that in service to others, not myself.

My dearest Bekah posted a question on Facebook yesterday, asking us to print our mission statement in response. Part of my mission is to bring as much joy and healing to others as I can, every chance I'm given. Usually I make the chance based on whoever and what is in my heart each day. I take the time to express the love, to reach other. As a result, it's also often in response, as people come to me for love, healing, and help. Now I need to learn to do the same for myself. It's time, and I am so very grateful to have gotten to experience the rewards of that today!

Words on Oneness & Mayan 2012

As with most activated spiritualists at this time, I have questions and theories about what's happening these days. I notice what's happening in those around me and myself, primarily. I'm noticing the greatest changes in myself, in awe. These days I seem to dwell in the "A" words - awesome, amazing, adventure. I've seen my own gifts activated in a mind blowing way, and so many messages and insights, including this morning. Monday I was privileged to be led to go hear a Mayan Elder address what's going to happen on 12/21/12. I was amazed to hear that most people won't even notice what happens! To most it's going to seem a non-event, like the turn of this century.

That doesn't entirely jive with what I seem to be getting but I simply don't know. What he said made a lot of sense but I'm still processing, putting it in context. I spent a long time sitting with God yesterday, processing and getting further messages. I also skimmed Revelations. May 2011 I studied it in light of what I was getting, spent a day cross referencing. That's why I only needed to skim it yesterday. The "funny" thing is, in a few weeks I'm going to need to write a summary of it for the class I'm taking in college. These timings just amaze me.

This Elder said that there will be an 8 minute, huge energy burst that will hit the earth where the Mayans built the pyramids. The pyramids are designed to capture this energy so it can be used and disbursed. Those who are prepared will receive the energy and become enlightened, then be able to share that with others. These prepared ones are all across the earth, so it will be transmitted from one to another. From this energy and enlightenment will come unity. Another word for this is Oneness. He kept saying unity. I keep hearing it around me as Oneness, so that's the word I'll be using, and what came to me today.

I'm not doing his talk any kind of justice here. I will try to in a future blog. I have some You Tube videos to watch first, some research to do. I took notes on everything he said. To me, this last paragraph sounds so lame compared to what all he said. According to him, most people are going to say that nothing happened. But those of us who fully receive, will know. We'll be changed. What he described is nothing short of miraculous and awesome. He said it will be the 6th time in the history of the earth that the 26000 cycle of earth movement has brought it in alignment for this energy burst, so the earth has survived it before. I'm just not sure how this happening aligns with Revelations and if it does. I'm not sure how literal Revelations is, but I've always believed it to be very literal. I'm not sure where we are in the timeline laid out in that book. I'm not sure how we get from where we are now in this country and others to where we need to be and are going. What I do know is that we are entirely moving into Oneness. I got a glimpse of how it is today, which I'll share in a moment. And I know I believe a lot of what the Elder said. I believe most will perceive the December event as a non-event. I've known for a long time that the earth will not be destroyed in our lifetime. I haven't believed that suddenly on 12/21/12 great disaster will strike us. But that doesn't mean nothing will happen and we don't need to prepare.

The way to prepare is from within. We need to be healing ourselves from within. We need to be releasing hate, rage, and judgment of others. We need to be releasing all that no longer serves us and become the best we can be, and the most pure selves we can. Some of us are doing that and the results are amazing. As predicted, most are just continuing on in their dramas. But a huge number of us have moved beyond those dramas and into care and love of others, forgiveness and acceptance. One thing I have to say - if you have a problem with someone else, look to yourself. It's a marker that there's something in you that needs change, healing, and release. And we can only change ourselves and our attitudes. That's our work of preparation, needs to be our true work at this time.

The blessed awareness I was given today was to tune into the feelings I've had for months now of never being alone. I've been vaguely aware of being surrounded by love, by those who care for me. They are scattered across the United States mostly, with the majority here in Pittsburgh. Part of what amazes me is how much comes from Pittsburgh since I've known all of them two years or less. For the first time today, I really tuned into this feeling of not ever being alone and what it is. I am surrounded by love, thought, and care. I feel it as a whole rather than from any one individual most of the time. I now understand that I dwell in the hearts of these people as they dwell in mine. At all times I'm in their hearts, and sometimes they are actively thinking about me. Other times I'm in the back of their minds. But they are caring about me and loving me to various degrees all the time, as I do for them. We are connected, spiritually, mentally, on the soul level, open and pure heart to heart. That's what I've been feeling, and that's what Oneness is. Now I also realize what happens when a few in particular are actively thinking about me. Often I awake with an awareness of a certain one or two, have that person or persons most on my heart at that time. I say heart because that's where it starts, and then I become aware of it with my mind. It varies as to who it is, too. It's either started by the other person or me. I realize now that it doesn't matter who starts it, we both have to be feeling it because of that connection. If I were to check in with whoever it is at the time, I'm sure I'd hear that the other was actively thinking about me then. He/she would either be receiving or sending at that point. And I actually have proof of this, over and over, with my beloved Bekah. Every single time I really want her or need her, or she pops into my head, she contacts me via text! Usually she simply texts, "I love you." Sometimes she asks if I'm ok or if I have time to talk. But she always receives it and responds. Now I understand that she's only the most responsive, that others receive it too, as I receive from them. This is the Oneness. It's going to be like this on a much greater level. Oh there's so much more to this than that - I can't even begin to explain at this point. But just imagine feeling surrounded in love all the time, and being aware of it! Part of it is a collective mind, also understood through my relationship with my Bekah (Rebekah Gamble). By the way, she is an amazing woman and very gifted teacher, healer, and guide!

Bekah and I share so much including that we're both entirely devoted to healing and clearing as our main jobs in preparation. We're preparing for our missions on earth and the changes, dedicated to service and preparation for it. We do our part every single day, to help others and to clear all we can, purify ourselves. We come together and talk fairly often compared to how often I talk with others. When we do, we help each other, and share what we're doing and experiencing. It's amazing and supportive for both of us. No one else understands what we do and are, are experiencing, as much as the other does. We can share the process with each other like with no one else. Because we don't actively know or have that relationship with any others who are dedicated to this work and talk with us about it. But we know there are many others out there. We've simply been gifted to each other in this, and for now, with each other is enough for us. So we usually have truly amazing conversations. And in just a few months we've connected to a truly awesome degree. Yesterday I was thinking about that connection as I was processing the talk I heard from the Mayan Elder. He talked a lot about what the new energy will be like, and electromagnetic energy. He talked about magnetism and attraction, how others will be attracted to us once we receive this energy burst and it dwells in us and changes us from within. I've been aware of having more electromagnetic energy within me than many do, for awhile now. I've been trying to process why, and what to do with it. So yesterday I was thinking about what happens when Bekah and I are in person together in relation to what he was saying Monday night. He was talking about magnetism in the galaxy and earth's attraction. I thought yesterday of the electricity when Bekah and I get within a certain physical distance with each other. A huge light comes on within me when she gets physically near! My heart sings and I vibrate higher the whole time we're together. Then it's like a piece of me disappears when she leaves - she takes it with her.

I'm not claiming to understand this yet, but when we're together I feel whole and complete. It's not that I'm not whole and complete already, within myself though. I hear about Soul Piece Recovery from time to time and have thought I need help with that. Supposedly you lose pieces of yourself when they're taken from you, like by my mother and ex husband through their severe abuse of me. But today I got the notion that my needs are more centered on uniting with the other pieces of my soul, my soul group around me. I think pieces of my soul reside in them and I need the connection with them to be the most whole. Again, it's not that I'm not already whole. It's that I need more of that connection to be the best part of me, my best and highest self. It's a power connection and I'm fully channeling now things I really don't understand at all yet. Some of you who are deeply connected with me are going to read this and understand even better than I do at the moment. But this is what the unity and Oneness are about and I'm just beginning to understand it. I realize I've been moving toward it and getting to live it some for awhile now, without realizing it. In fact, I keep being amazed these days, this month, at how far I've come and all that's happening to me and in my life. I'm barely comprehending what's happening, this awesome adventure. Please join me, if you haven't already! It's glorious from inside!!!

God's Hand in Our Lives

First, I have to say that this blog now entirely belongs to God. You can no longer expect any regularity in postings. You're just going to have to check in for new posts when you can. If you're on Facebook, the announcements pop up when I've posted one. There were a lot over the weekend, then none during the week. I just wasn't feeling it. Messages come in a "feast or famine" way and suddenly this is on steroids. So I'll write them as I can, as they come to me. I've got to "go with the flow," as I'm entirely learning. I'm stepping out of all my known norms and getting out of the way. I've been surrendering all to God - all my self, thoughts, attitudes, relationships, all aspects of my life. And I'm being rapidly transformed because of it. I've increasingly surrendered all, including my relationships with work, duty, responsibility, action, flow, supply, abundance, money, school, myself, my mission, job, and all people. I'm not sure that covers all of it. I surrender my thoughts and feelings, relationships with this and all, specifically and just totally. Then, what I do is live in response. I do whatever I'm led to do next. I'm learning not to attach to what comes next - the next guidance, action to take, or outcome. I'm just staying in the flow. It's not easy, when I don't see the flow. That was the case most of this week. What I did right was not force things, but go with the flow. I also kept turning to God and surrendering. I surrender multiple times a day.

For two years now I've been working toward this exclusively and directly. My main concern has been clearing, healing, learning, and growing - changing my life and my self. I've done all I needed to along the way to deal in the world, as we all must do. Two years ago I took on a tremendous mess with a lot of human drama. It would cripple most people. But I dedicated my life to God, use of my talents, discovering my mission in life, and cleaning up the mess in my life and myself. Now I see others around me with their lives in rapid motion and change and my life seemed at a stand still this week. I kept wanting to DO something to progress. My main concern has been to find a job and stabilize my finances. This week saw an immediate halt to all the progress and promise I saw happening last week and that was hard. Yet I just couldn't muster the energy to put it all out there again. It was decidedly odd. Last week things seemed to be flowing without me toward a job, and for weeks I saw this happening. The halt was marked. For example, Friday someone left me a message wanting to set up an interview from a resume sent several weeks ago that I'd given up hearing from. I left a return message that day, and again on Tuesday and have never heard back from her. That's just weird. But I'm learning that whenever anything "weird" happens, I later see God in it. They're sign posts, those out of the ordinary things, that defy the way things normally work.

These things are usually very subtle and you have to watch and be aware. I once wrote a blog here that said I don't think God works directly in our lives in most cases. I have to totally take that back. I don't understand how or why, but He works directly for so many of us, in so very many loving ways! Don't ask me about why "bad things happen to good people" because I only have partial answers to that. I'm still learning. But the more I'm in relationship with God, the more I'm learning to see Him in all, especially those "weird" things that "happen." I see that things simply just don't "happen" in so many of our lives. Last night I texted a friend in distress as promised, very late. She wanted to talk and I had a late meeting, said I'd text when done. I texted as promised and she didn't respond until I texted her again today. She was asleep when I texted last night, and obviously really needed it. This woman almost never sleeps, which might be a good part about why she's feeling so distressed these days. I figured she slept through the text but it turns out that doesn't happen, so she actually never received the text! Now that's "weird." She's gotten every other text I've sent. I know it was her I texted, not someone else. The text is still on my phone, showing when it was sent and that it was, but it never got to her phone. How often does that happen? I saw immediately that God knew she needed the sleep more than she needed to talk with me last night. How awesome that He cared enough to give her that! It's not life changing so please get that He cared enough to even do that little thing for her!!!

How much more so then does He do the big things! Today I read an email from a friend who said he was saddened to tears to hear I didn't get the job I wanted as a pediatric optician. While that is very sweet, it is very misplaced emotion and totally out of alignment. It simply means that God has something much greater in store for me! It would have been a totally awesome job and exactly what I wanted - the environment, work, and energy were just right and it's so what I want for myself and my life. But all along I've surrendered to God. My highest priority is our contracted mission for this lifetime and all that is a part of that. My highest priority is all that prepares me for that, and doing it. And I tell Him that multiple times a day. That keeps me in alignment, faith, belief, intent, and spirit. Through seeing His hand in all the little things and how much care He gives to us, I've come to understand that something I want all the more is coming to me. He numbers every hair on our heads, cares for the lilies of the field and provides for them. He is in every little goodness in our lives, so how much more so the big things? I am so very excited! I don't know what, when, or how - what's in store for me. I only know it will be a visible manifestation and big start of "beyond my wildest dreams" understanding and gift. I'm soon going to finally know what that means, what I've always most longed for. It's all beginning to happen. So there is absolutely no reason for any kind of sadness. I've told Him my choice in the matter of all things in my life - His will over mine. Because I know He sees the big picture and I don't. I know we both have my highest good in mind. Only He can see how to get me there and I can't. And I now entirely know that I can trust Him to work for me and make it happen. I know, in fact, that it's already in the works. All I have to do is continue to do my part as I'm led to, and then get out of the way. I did rightly this week by not forcing things, forcing myself to do things I wasn't ready for. It doesn't mean I won't need to do them later, it means it wasn't time. I'm doing rightly by not trying to manufacture results, by simply surrendering, listening, being open, and doing all I'm then led to do as I'm led.

Earlier today I felt that this is a time of quiet learning and contemplation, necessary. Then I helped someone dear to me, and received so much, as always, in doing so. I reached out to the friend who didn't respond to the text last night, and discovered she never got that text, realized what that meant. Doing just those things, following through on what I was given to do this day, opened the floodgates. I then helped my daughter with something, as I often do. I was given more insight into what's happening. Then I read an email from one of the metaphysical sites and got the confirmation of what this week has been about, the quiet time. I see that my life is totally in motion too, just like the others around me. Only mine is more quiet and subtle because of all the preparation and work I've been doing over the last two years. But I can entirely trust that I'm on the brink. Plus I've been gifted to look back over my life and see all the steps that brought me here. I can see the recent ones as well as way back to my early life. And it's pervasive. Monday I was going to go to a guided meditation, which is always more beneficial than I can say. Instead, I'm going to a one-time-only event about the Mayan Calendar, 2012 and what's going to happen, how to prepare. I'm very excited to tell you I know I'm to attend this event instead of the very beneficial meditation, even though I have to wait a month for another. It has to do with my life mission, and I've been getting information for months now in preparation for attending this event. Are you listening? How very awesome is that! Talk about awesome adventure!!! So I see the years events that led to this. I see over the past two years including meeting a certain psychic medium, who turned me onto an event called Site Nite. I see who played a part in me meeting her, and there were many. Then there's Bekah and how I got to this house and how I met her in the Spring, and the blossoming of that relationship. Because of that relationship and how and who she is, she knew on Tuesday I needed a lift and offered to take me with her to Site Nite. I wouldn't have gone otherwise, and at Site Nite I heard about this event. It is awesome to get to see the progression, and His hand in all of it. It's so much more complex and awesome than the greatest chess game ever. And I haven't even begun to mention all the blessings that were a part or result of each event along the way. I've mentioned Bekah before and how dear she is to me, what a blessing in my life. And she was just one step along that path. There are a minimum of eight people over the course of just over two years that directly led me to being there that night and hearing about this program! Each of these people has been a major and loving blessing in my life, too many times and ways to go into here and now, and too personally. God is totally awesome! Seems to me like I'm abruptly ending here, but the flow has stopped for the moment, and the rest seems to be another thread.

Rescinding Earlier Recommendation

God and the angels blessedly work with me during my sleep time whether I specifically ask for help or not. I've surrendered all to God so that gives Him the opportunity. He's not then circumventing my free will. This morning, it was about calling on gods and goddesses for help. He helped me see the problem in that, how I can then believe that good things happening are from these gods, not Him. For college, I'm taking a required course on biblical literature. It turns out to be mostly about how to read and apply the Old Testament. Right now we're reading about how the Israelites kept messing up and worshipping foreign gods. They cohabited with other religions that worshipped various gods and kept falling into the practices of others. The example from my own life was of Ganesh, whom I would ask to smooth my path every day. Back then I was in some pretty chaotic energy, and I thought Ganesh helped every day. I called on him, and things would go smoothly. So I attributed it to him. I no longer call on him, and things are still going very smoothly. I've changed and so has my relationship with God. I was given to see that by calling on a god like Ganesh, I misplaced my trust and relationship. I wrongly attributed the progress in my life and self to another being. God and His angels (whom He appointed to work for Him) are all I needed then and now.

So I apologize for recommending gods and goddesses to you. I now know better, and don't try to work with or request help from any of them. Just because Doreen Virtue covers them in her books and she's such a great authority, doesn't make it right. You have to make your own decisions in this. Many who read this blog call on gods and goddesses, believe in them. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm stating what was given to me to practice and follow - only call on God and His angels. And not to recommend gods and goddesses to others, or say they help and I know first-hand. I've gone back and deleted those old blog entries or passages. And I again apologize.

Overflowing Heart Brings So Much Back to Me

I don't have a man in my life, nor do I have much direct family. My father died, my mother never was. I seldom see my children, almost never talk with my son or interact with him in any way. He's my baby and we're closely bonded, but he's currently struggling in life and therefore not communicating. Yet I have so much love and joy in my life!

I never know who I'm going to encounter in what way on any given day. But these days not a day goes by that my heart isn't warmed by someone special in my life. Without a car, it's seldom in person. But for awhile now I've been such a strong empath that I can read the feelings put into typing (text or chat) as well as most people detect the feelings in person or by phone. So I'm receiving the full impact (although in person is certainly superior). Earlier today I overflowed the love onto Rebekah Gamble. Perhaps that's why I got a text a little bit ago that just said, "I love you." The absolutely awesome thing is that she does that often! It means all the world to me when she does this. She's a daughter of my heart (not flesh) and I can hardly believe she's not my own, or that we've only known each other since May or so.

People love to say they want to die and come back as one of my cats. That's how I love my friends, all my dear ones. The result is that I have so much love in my life. I receive the kindest words, compliments, care, and blessings. Rebekah is just one example. One friend and his wife bought me a coffee maker because he didn't want me to have to take so long to filter coffee through a funnel without one. People have given and lent me money. People have taken me to job interviews. They've spread the word about my products and services and done all they can to help me. They've also taken me on errands. God has used many of the people in my life to bring me to Pittsburgh, get a house for me and the cats, and keep us here. I am so grateful to Him and to all of them.

There's a man on Facebook in California who's trying to get me to join a dating site, call him. He's very lonely, reaching out. Whenever someone reaches out to me my first reaction is to respond, try to meet his/her needs. So I responded to this man at first, and he wanted me to call him. I didn't have time at first. Now I realize I simply don't have time period, or won't make the time. I can't be a "lonely hearts club." It's not for me to do for, give to, and help everyone who comes to me. Some come to me for the wrong reasons, or for things I can't give them. I'm not sure what this man wants besides love and attention but from the suggestion of a dating site, I realize he's looking for love with a woman. That's where I see I'm not the one to help him, would only be wasting his time and mine. I won't be his girlfriend. I'm not looking for love, not open to that kind of relationship. I need to clarify that for you. I've been told that "him, whoever he is" does exist, my intended mate. I was told a few indicators. This man is linked to my life mission. I am totally open to this now. I'm not closed to a relationship with a man. I'm closed to a random one. All my life is about very specific things and my dear ones fit into that. So will this man, when he enters my life.

I have an abundance of cats and dear ones. Sometimes I wonder how I can keep up with them all and interact enough to satisfy their needs. But my friends are like the cats in that they don't usually all come to me or need me at once. The cats are largely self-sufficient and so are my friends and loved ones. Sometimes I think about the size of my inner circle of loved ones, and all the lovely people in my life. It absolutely amazes me! Most regular people are lucky if they have a few close friends. The inner circle I pray for daily includes 23 people and that doesn't include actual family! Those are not the only ones I pray for, just the ones I interact with regularly. As I've said, I went from the child who was under loved, under valued, and largely neglected to all this! The way it happened is that I just kept loving others, and appreciating every bit of love and care that came my way. The more I matured and learned to just freely give my love and care, the more what came back to me increased. The more that happened, the more I was able to get out of myself, extend myself, and love. Many years ago I learned to overcome my natural shyness by giving of myself and concentrating on drawing the other person out. I learned to make their feelings of prime importance, to concentrate on making others feel good. I learned to come out of myself.

I gain friends in amazing ways. Chrissy was the dental hygienist when I had to have a lot of dental work done around mid 2006, and we got to be close friends. She is Light and Love, giving, and so very kind. She's one of the most beautiful women I know. (Funny, some of the women I know who are most beautiful inside are also stunningly gorgeous on the outside. Chrissy is, and so is Rebekah.) The other day Chrissy sent me a message on Facebook. She said I light up a room when I enter, and draw people to me. That was one of the best compliments I've ever gotten. I've so wanted to be that kind of person for as long as I can remember. Now I understand that my ultimate goal is that, and to raise the vibrational level of all I interact with. Another way to put it is that I want to make a positive impact everywhere I go, with everyone I interact with. I want to leave each person better off and feeling better because we met or talked. And I want to do it at each and every encounter. So that's the intent I put out there, even when calling to pay a bill or make an inquiry. And it all comes back to me all the time. I never know who is going to bless or gift me how or when, only that they will. It can be something as simple as a smile from a bus driver I've engaged in friendly conversation. It all matters, all adds to the overall beautiful quality of my life. I always expect great things and great treatment these days - because that's what I'm putting out there, and what I'm therefore regularly getting.

Overflowing Heart & Personal Pride

These days I'm absolutely loving my life! Nothing outwardly has changed, as I've stated. I still don't have a job or car, still live in daily pain because I haven't received physical healing. It hurts to walk and type most days, and that's just part of it. But I'm living with an overflowing heart and all the joy that brings. Part of most days it's overflowing and I have to flow it onto others in my life. So I am able to be a stream of blessing to others and that just increases that heart and flow. Because positively touching others has always been one of my greatest goals in life. So every day I'm living in Love, flow, and gratitude. It makes the rest mere details. It totally takes my mind off the pain. I never dwell in the pain or problems any more. And I know I'm on the verge of getting all I truly want and need in my life. I can feel it and see it coming. God has been so very good to me, showing me the flow. At first I learned to rely on Him as He would provide when I was in crisis, moved from crisis to crisis. Now He's ahead of these needs, showing me the rewards of faith. I am zinging and humming with life and high vibration!

I just completed the work for my first college class. I am very proud of myself, and thought about the word "pride." I know that pride can lead to a fall, and big ones. I know that self can be such a problem, can lead to so much grief. It all depends on the context, what we do with it. There's selfish and self centered, and they can be "good" or "bad" depending. It's actually all about balance, heart, and attitude. You can't successfully be too selfless or too self centered or selfish. There needs to be heart and balance. It's necessary to be somewhat self centered and selfish. You have to take care of yourself and your own needs or someone else has to. Those are just laws of nature. You take care of your needs or you get diseased or disabled and it becomes necessary for others to take care of you. But if you take care of yourself in all ways, you can also help take care of others in whatever way given to you. You're given this by way of gifts, talents, experience, and opportunities. We're all supposed to take care of ourselves plus care for others within our capacity and calling.

So back to pride. Again, this has to be in balance, can be "good" or "bad." I am very proud of myself for successfully completing my first college class. I have new stature in my own eyes. But I understand that all I did was my own part in this. The first class was designed to teach us to navigate the system (all online), to ease us into college courses and expectations. The teacher really aided me in my success, as did God. None of this was on my own. So that balances the pride. I did my part and had ample help in succeeding. I am proud to have done my part as well as I did, and very grateful for all the help I got. We all need to have healthy self-esteem, and this pride is part of mine. I really needed this, because my self-esteem took such a hit two years ago. And this leads back to the overflowing heart. I am so very grateful to my teacher, and for the blessings. I so love me at this point, and everyone. And as long as I'm functioning from overflowing heart, it balances all the self and pride issues.

Self Esteen Issues & Resolution

I've always had self esteem issues and they arose again last week especially, early this week. I've worked hard over the years to overcome them, have a true and healthy sense of self. Every time they've become clear, I've worked on them. As a young adult, I had many issues left over from my childhood. In my 30s I began resolving them. From then on, it's been kind of a roller coaster. Sometimes I'd be doing fairly well in resolution, other times they'd appear prominently.

Two years ago my self esteem was at an all time low, not seen since the 1980s before I remembered my mother's abuse of me as a child. I felt responsible for the crimes committed by my latest ex husband and the mess my life was in. It's very common for a victim to take on the guilt, and I was fully doing that. What I had to do was truthfully examine my role in what happened. What I found was that I was again the classic enabler. I had to face that, what I'd done and why. I had to entirely face myself, who I am, my choices. I had to own up to my true part in things that happened and learn from it. I had to forgive myself and my ex husband. I had to come to a full understanding. That was just the first part of healing and rebuilding my self and my life.

I was surprised to back slide last week on my self esteem issues, to have a bunch of the old way of thinking and processing things back again. I thought I'd overcome that. So I put it to prayer, with intent. The gift from God during my prayer time today was His message of love. He helped me see that I've been very responsible in my choices, especially as I've healed. He helped me see that I can hold my head up high and be proud of what I'm doing with my self and my life, the choices I'm making minute by minute, day by day. That's what it all boils down to for all of us - the moment by moment decisions on how we spend our time and what we do. It took me awhile to get out of the fog, to heal. But I remained steadfast to my path and purpose, and earnestly sought God and a better way of life. He has provided me with all the opportunities I need to heal, grown and learn, and to be in true relationship with and to Him. And I've made responsive choices in how I've handled those opportunities. So I've been rewarded with more of them.

It's been a time of purifying my heart and intent, ridding myself of jealousy and competition. I've been learning myself and to be true to myself, my gifts, and my mission. I have a contract with God, as I've said, made before I incarnated. For two years now, I've been daily and entirely faithful to that contract, our mission. I've never stopped, given up, walked away, or taken the easy way out. My current situation - no job and no car - are illusions. It's a step in the path, part of the learning and growing toward all I truly and most want in my life - Love and the Kingdom, connection with my Father and service to my fellow man. All those things I heard of in church are coming to pass - "beyond my wildest dreams." I used to hear about mission to God and feel the call but not know how to respond. And I didn't want to give up my own way or anything I wanted in order to heed. I had no true idea at the time what it was all about, how to go about it, and I wanted what I wanted. All those of you who have heard and felt this know exactly what I'm talking about. We all have the "but ifs" at times. We feel inadequate and make excuses - time, family, job, not knowing how, not being up to it. I also feared how I would sound to others, what they'd think. And the "who am I to be doing this" mentality.

Now I see that I gain so much more when I step out in faith, and that I give up nothing. I see that He can and does entirely prepare me for what I'm meant to do. None of it has to come just from me. I don't need to be equal to any task because He's the ultimate Partner. It's His work so the outcome is assured anyway!

I believe. I see that my part is to continue to make responsible choices and that I've been doing that. I can be proud of that. I see the rewards of that in my life now, and that more are coming. I see that ultimately, all I most truly want is coming into my life. If I don't get this job I so want, there will be something greater in store for me. I can absolutely count on that because I've surrendered all outcomes to God, all of myself. This allows Him to arrange things according to my highest good and our contract. My heart is in the right place because I fully acknowledge that He knows the best way to the best and final outcome, sees it clearly and I don't. And so I live in obedience and do all that is before me to do. I still see that I'm far from perfect and only human, but I see that I'm "becoming." Instead of dwelling on my shortcomings like I used to, I work to overcome them without self condemnation. I don't dwell on the negative, I work to change all into positives through His power and grace in me and my life. If it's not this job, then there's something better in store for me and I know that now. And in the meantime I will continue to learn and grow as I cope and have to rely on Him. I have nothing to fear. I am truly moving forward and blossoming. I can see and feel it. God will continue to provide and care for me and my truest and most important needs. Somehow. And I don't need to know the how. I am doing my part, and that's all I need to do or know. He can be fully trusted to do His. I can hold my head up despite still being dependent on others for help, behind in my bills, and on food stamps. Because I am truly doing the most important things, doing my part, being responsible to Him, others, and with my time, actions, and choices.

Only One Prayer Needed

Tonight I was very fortunate to learn a new lesson the easy way. Some of you know I've enrolled in college, taking my courses online through a Christian university. I chaffed at having to take a Bible literature class but it's been a huge blessing and I'm only in week 3 of 8. It's been answering some questions I've had for a long time about how to take the Old Testament. Also, why some books were excluded from the Bible, and how true some of the translations are. Tonight I was dutifully reading one of the three books for the course even though the reading won't affect my grade on the quiz this week. While reading, the lesson came to me. This is because I'm open to them. I've been open for quite some time, which is part of why I didn't want to take a class in this. I keep getting answers and guidance straight from God. And as many of you have experienced, man can really mess up His stuff. But as I've said, I'm very grateful already for this class and what I'm learning. This time it was a huge lesson.

As background, you know I've been searching for a job. You know I've surrendered all to God and my faith and belief is now growing by leaps and bounds. But you know, I'm still human and I still make mistakes. So I asked a pagan friend for help in manifesting a certain job I really want and he agreed to call in his forces for me. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing when I asked this. I wasn't thinking that he would be calling on forces other than God. I really don't know what I was thinking. But the message from the reading was that this is wrong - we are simply to rely on God. I got it immediately, especially because the word "paganism" appeared on the page. So the first thing I did, of course, was tell God I realize I was wrong. Because all you or I need is Him. Ultimately, He's fully in charge. Just before that I was thinking about Obama and Romney. Neither are in charge, even the one elected. People get so wrapped up in and emotional about politics and it's all of man, therefore all an illusion!

I told God that I want only Him in charge of whether I get this job. I immediately thought of my long-held question about prayer because I realized all you need do is pray to Him. And it only takes one prayer, one person praying fully from heart. I started getting answers immediately but I also took the step to ask Archangel Michael to block all other influence, made it clear that my total reliance is on God alone. So since it only takes one prayer, why keep praying? Why ask others to pray? I always think of the Bible passage, "Whenever two or more of you are gathered in My Name, there I am in the midst of you." I forget where in the New Testament that is, or what translation I just quoted. Probably Revised Standard Version, the one I'm most familiar with. By the way, I now know from this class that it's not a very true translation, that I'm better off reading my New International Version. I also know what other versions I wish to get once I truly get back into studying and learning that book. After this class, depending on my workload, I'll be ready. Because it's also teaching us why the Old Testament is structured as it is and how to comprehend it.

The reasons why it's good to pray about something more than once are: every time you pray completely from your heart, you connect with God and further the relationship; and you further set your intent about the prayer matter and galvanize yourself into action. It also gives Him further opportunities to give you insights if you need them. But the connection is the biggest thing. The reasons why it's good to pray for others are: it totally expands your heart, connection to them, connection to God, and ability to love. The reasons why it's good to ask others to pray for you are: it gives them the opportunity to connect with God, and with you, gives them the opportunity to be givers without cost, strengthens their ability to love. All of this is about creating Oneness. As far as that Bible quote, it's describing the Oneness. Of course He's in the midst since He's inside each of us. But it speaks of the Oneness.

I am truly letting go of the outcome regarding this job. He is showing me so much as far as supply, and that He always works for my greater and highest good. I live in mission, have a contract with Him created before I incarnated. That is my highest will and good. I fully realize that what I consider a need and the timing is not necessarily in alignment with that contract. I think about the job with LensCrafters I really wanted a few months ago. I walked out of the interview guaranteed an immediate interview with the regional manager, so was pretty sure I was on the short list for this job. And I've never heard from them again. The guy hasn't even returned my phone calls! That's not having the rug pulled out from underneath me - it was yanked! It shook me up so much that I went into crisis and thought I was going to have to give up and move out of state, give up my home and many of the things I love. Instead, I was led to eventually surrender all. Everything has been in exciting motion ever since. At first, it was a bit slow, but it's so quickly gathered momentum. You can look back at the blogs and see this.

I'm not some super-Christian or person. Nothing is happening to me that can't happen to you. All I did was set my intent to follow God two years ago and all it entails, and stick with it. There's a lot in that "all it entails." I've been willing to face every flaw in myself. Every time I'm uncomfortable in my life or relationships, I've paid attention and looked within myself. Then I've put it to prayer, gotten help when needed. Now I don't seem to need help from others. All it takes is prayer and intent. I've also been willing to face every issue from my past, learn and heal. I've learned all I can and pray daily. I actively tend my spiritual life as my number one goal every day. I make time for God, prayer, reflection. I listen for the guidance and then take action based on it. I've been actively open and seeking.

As a result, I've been able to see Him at work in my life. I see all the inner good that came out of not getting the job with LensCrafters. If I get the job I want now, I will also be in a much better daily environment than I would have been there. There's nothing wrong with LensCrafters and it was a wonderful opportunity that I really wanted to manifest. But this current job prospect is much more in alignment with who I am, my skills, how I relate to people, and my spirit and philosophy. If I don't get this job, I'm sure I'll feel very disappointed and upset at first. I so want it! But if I don't get it, I trust God now, that He has something more fitting in store for me. I know He won't leave me without what I need. I know eventually I'll have the income and supply I need to thrive in all areas of my life. I know that ultimately the mission and contract are the most important things. I renew that verbally, my understanding and acceptance of that, every day. So if it's not this job, I will accept His will with gratitude, and wait for the adventure to further unfold.

By the way, He's showing me His Hand in every little way in my life. Just recently, every time I identify a need it's being fulfilled. These are all small things but I never fail to notice in gratitude and thank Him. That builds and strengthens that relationship and my faith and belief. It also strengthens my excitement in the now for what my future holds - this grand adventure.

Loving Fully Without Attachments - the Kingdom of Heaven

This is very new for me, in the realm of male/female relationships. I'm learning what it feels like and how to deal with the feelings and reality. It's what truly unconditional love is all about. It's the ultimate in letting go of the outcome, of loving fully just because you do, for the sake of loving. It's a reflection of how God loves us.

I am so blessed with those in my life who love me in this way. In the past, most of the love that came my way very much included attachments. I still have some in my life who try to attach to me. I find that I have to distance myself from them and limit our contact. I can't maintain a closeness with those people any more, can't allow the attachments. I've come so far! November seems to be a very pivotal month for me, I realized. A year ago this month I moved into this house. My first child was born in November, 31 years ago. Two years ago I entirely ended my relationship with my now ex husband, and that mutual attachment. I completely started my life over, and it's been a wild ride. But I've come so far! Two years ago my heart and spirit were very damaged, as was my sense of self. I couldn't cry, my heart was too closed off. I was dealing with rage because I'd taken on the sole care of my abusive and clinging mother, who sought to possess and objectify me my whole life. I had to break that hold, forgive, and get rid of the rage.

What I'm left with is the ability to love unconditionally in all my relationships. As I said, I've come so far! It started with my children and my friends. The more I connected with God and my true self, became my true self, it emerged. The more I healed the more my heart entirely opened. I've always had a huge heart and capacity for love. I grew up loving and caring more than anyone else I knew. I could feel the feelings and needs of others way more than I could feel my own. I hurt for and joyed for others more than myself, more than anyone around me. I knew I was different. Even a child can tell. But as an adult my choices of mates muted much of that, as did most of my other relationships. I became fearful and protective of myself, and closed off much of who and what I am. I also tried to be other than myself to blend in and cope. I really shut myself off in many ways.

It's very hard to describe where I was two years ago, mentally and emotionally. I had a mild case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for one thing. That lasted until nearly a year ago, thanks to still having my mother in my house. It was only after she was gone for awhile and I knew she wasn't coming back that I was able to relax and overcome it. For more than 10 years I lived with never knowing when my body or spirit would be taken over, intruded on, violated. I only knew it would, and would happen frequently. This represents the ultimate in attachment.

So back to loving fully without attachments. I'm back to the overflowing, fully open heart, but with a huge difference these days. I no longer attach to the person or outcome. It's fairly easy with my children. They're fully functioning, successful, independent adults with lives and goals of their own. Because of the attachments placed on me by my mother, I absolutely never attached to their outcomes. I raised them with standards of behavior and set an example of caring for others, but never with expectations. I've loved them fully without attaching to their lives. We're very connected and that's different. A fully open heart without attachments creates a very powerful connection. Love begets love and unconditional love begets unconditional love. So I get back what I give, and we have beautiful and mutually respectful relationships. I relate to them as adults, but with the added, beautiful history of having raised them. It's the closest bond of all - again, a reflection of God.

One of the beautiful people in my life is Rebekah Gamble. She was the one who brought my attention to the theme of loving fully without attachment. Until then, I was experiencing it without recognition. We had a very affirming conversation about this weeks ago, and the theme keeps coming up. The more I interact with her and others like her, the more my heart expands and the love flows. The more I love in this way, the more I'm able to. I've also begun to be more aware of it and understand it better. Now it's in the realm of male/female for me. I have that overflowing heart for a gentleman I know. I wish I were the one for him and vice versa but I know we're not. So I have all this unconditional love in a conditional relationship - I love him fully and would do just about anything for him. And I absolutely cannot attach to him or the outcome, or I would lose and violate the relationship we have. I find myself in unique territory here. In adult male/female relationships attachments are usually formed - marriage, living together, fidelity, etc. Here I am, loving this way, yet knowing none of this will happen. So I am learning the very valuable lesson of how to give this love truly unconditionally yet fully, to change all the "rules" of this type of relationship. Fortunately, I have Rebekah as a sounding board and for grounding. When I hurt, I can turn to her for understanding, and clarity as needed. And for some empathy. I will tell you that fully open heart loving can be very painful, but is so worth it. I've tried both ways and can tell you this is much better. Now I am fully myself and live in my truth. I put my whole self out there and flow the love, and what comes back is amazing. It doesn't necessarily come back in the form I want it from any specific person the love flows to. You've heard "object of my affections" and that's so true and where things go so wrong. There can't be an "object!" You just have to put the love out there without expectations of return. Whatever you put out there you definitely get back. So the more love you put out the more you get back. You just never know from whom, from what direction. I have so many wonderful people in my life who love me in the right way, because of the love I put out there. Most comes directly from those I flow the love to, friends and family. And that is so much more than enough. Not all I want from whom I want, but so sustaining and so much more than enough for my needs. (Remember, I was the very unloved, unwanted child so I know the difference.)

Loving fully is the way to go. That overflowing heart is glorious. My normal state is that open heart, bursting with love for everyone I cherish in my life. And I truly cherish so many that I can't really count them any more. That overflowing heart means I live my life in love and gratitude. It's a rich state with so much feeling and being. It totally connects me to God, and those around me. Those I cannot love in this way, who are not especially dear to me because of their clinging and dramas, at least have my full compassion and understanding. I have boundaries with them, without judgment. All this love is a great source of excitement and adventure in my life. I never know who I'm going to get to interact with in any given day or way. Having no attachment connected to the love means it flows freely and easily, both ways. It creates such a high vibration that at times my body feels the humming, and my spirit usually does. It makes me open to God, creativity, and life. And so much of beauty flows in my direction - from God, others, animals, angels - all around me. And I'm blessed with new people coming into my life all the time. These are people who enhance my life and my self, who respect and care for me. What I'm sowing is so richly being reaped in the now.

This is what the coming shift is about and I see I've already begun my own shift, am fairly well there. The shift will mean the end of trying to have power over others, the end of attachments. It will be the end of grasping and fear of loss, hoarding love and goods, possessions. It will be an entirely new way of being and relating (entirely new for most people). It will be the last of conquest over others, of trying to control others and outcomes. It will truly be about living in and trusting the flow, the truest forms of positive manifestation. It will be living in the energy and vibration of unconditional and freely flowing love. Glorious, awesome adventure!!!!

Miracles and Perspective

Many of you wonder why miracles happen to others and not to you. I used to feel the same way. Now I realize that it's all a matter of perspective and a choice. Tonight I experienced a major miracle with lessons involved.

I decided to hard boil some eggs, something I don't normally do. Usually I'm cooking something I'm going to eat right away. Therefore I'm in the kitchen while the food is cooking. This time I intended to use them later to make tuna salad, and forgot about them. A friend had recently given me a can of tuna, and I was looking forward to using it. While the water was coming up to a boil, I got involved in something else. So one lesson is to keep my mind in the present, on the task at hand. After I got distracted I decided to take a half hour power nap. I set the alarm and when it went off I reset it - twice. One of those times I noticed a funny smell, but dismissed it. I was so sleepy that it simply didn't bother me enough to wake me fully. Another lesson here is not to get so burnt out from mismanaging my time that I could be that easily distracted, or that sleepy during the day. Finally, about two minutes before the alarm went off, the smoke alarm awoke me.

The biggest lesson of all was the miracle and what went into it. When I moved into this house a year ago, I located the smoke detectors. Then I forgot about them until last week. Every time I got to sleep last week, they started a soft beeping. It annoyed me enough to notice but not enough to get up, and only happened a few times. The noise persisted all week until I relocated the detectors and put in new batteries. Thanks to the smoke detectors, I just had a little mess to clean up. The fan was handy and it's not too cold out, so I was able to get most of the smoke out without chilling the house. It was scary in retrospect but just a bit of a mess to clean up - mostly the pan. However, I have a product that really works on that too, so it will be fine.

There are many different ways of looking at this incident. Whether you detect miracles in your life depends on your perspective. And the more you recognize them, the more you receive them because you're open and expecting them. Some would have blamed the friend for the can of tuna. I wouldn't have been boiling eggs if he hadn't given me tuna. Some would have been dwelling on what could have happened. That either leads to excess worry, or stress, or trauma, or self-doubts. One person I know would be reiterating that his memory just isn't any good anymore, which is self-perpetuating. Yet he doesn't nothing to change that - only complains about it despite knowing there's a safe herbal supplement he can take to give his body what it needs to help.

I immediately recognized that I was saved by God. I realized immediately that I'd just replaced the batteries, and that therefore the alarm sounded just in time to prevent real disaster. I would have awakened before the whole house was on fire, so I wasn't saved from death or injury. But there could have been damage to the house that would have caused me to lose my home, since it's a rental. For us, that would have been true disaster. Part of how I know it was God was that the alarms weren't reacting in character for a low battery. Usually they beep much more frequently and annoyingly when it's time to change the battery. This was just enough to get my attention, only at night, not during the day. I know enough now to understand that it's God's Hand when these unusual things happen. I also know now how He works, sets things in motion ahead of our needs. And to me, that's nothing short of miraculous! I am so very grateful. And, I'm doing my part. I paid attention and replaced the batteries. I did it in a timely manner. The reason it took all week was that I forgot there was a second one and kept fooling with the batter on the first one. I'm also doing my part in that I've taken note of the lessons of staying in the moment and not getting so burnt out. Miracles are also less likely to happen if we aren't paying attention and doing our part.

Life is an Awesome Adventure

"Awesome" and "adventure" have become the biggest words in my life these days. I see where the "wilderness" of being jobless has been such an opportunity, and not a wilderness at all, for one thing. I've learned so much during this time, and have never been alone, like "wilderness" would imply. At first, I would be in dire need and then some supply would come. I never knew where it was coming from on the physical plane, but it kept coming in the nick of time. Recently it's started coming just ahead of need, or as soon as I identify the need. Eventually I saw the pattern, and that's part of the adventure. It's very exciting now. I never know what's going to happen next. For a long time I never knew what each day would bring - who I'd be called upon to help in what way. That was exciting in itself. But I felt burdened by the struggle to survive. Now I've entirely changed my attitude and perspective. As a result, I dwell in a state of gratitude, awe, and adventure. I no longer fear, although I do still get frustrated. When I get frustrated, I eventually remember to stop and pray, and it helps right away. The only time I stay frustrated is when I forget to take it to God. That one is still new to me. I used to doing that with my needs, wants, and fears, but not frustrations. But frustration is a form of, so it too benefits from surrender and prayer.

Tonight I was frustrated because I formatted a school paper as required, but the formatting disappeared. Last week I spent considerable time in the "help" section of Word 2010, trying to figure out how to achieve the desired formatting. It appeared properly in my paper and I saved it in the .docx format required for the class. Yesterday I checked my grade and teacher comments and she noted that I didn't have page numbers or proper formatting! So today I spent several fruitless hours trying to run down how to save my formatting, trying to search the "help" section. If you've ever worked with that, you know how frustrating it can be. Like last week, I finally thought to stop, take a break, and pray about it. I then went back and tried again. This time I thought to search in a different manner based on something that "clicked" in my head when I stopped struggling. And of course, I found the information I needed, as I figured I would. I'm now coming to expect this kind of results. It's not taking God for granted, it's recognizing the pattern of help. I set intent (prayer) and took action (searched again with a clearer mind). I did my part - taking it to God, which helped clear my brain if nothing else. Then I did my next part (searched again).

I am learning and my life is evolving. I've identified the pattern of help and how to get it. The formula is prayer and gratitude, intent and action. I am beginning to see His hand in all areas of my life, to entirely trust Him with all my needs and wants. "Take it to the Lord in prayer" has taken on a whole new meaning. When I was religious in the late 1980s, I used to pray endlessly for help, and seeking answers. What I was missing was the intent and action. I didn't truly believe I'd get answers, was praying from desperation rather than faith. And I really didn't know God very well. I was rather rooted in the idea of God from the Old Testament, and all the "shoulds" being spouted by other religious folks. I even had people telling me the specific formula for how prayers should be said! Let me tell you, He doesn't require formality. In fact, He doesn't even require you to verbalize it. If your heart is turning to Him in love or need, that's all He needs to hear. I connect so much better when I simply talk with Him than in formal prayer. The formality can get in the way of relationship, which is what it's really about.

Part of the adventure is that I never know who I'll be interacting with each day. Part is that I never know when or how my needs are going to be met. Part is seeing some of my wants met too. Part is getting answers to things I've wondered about for so long. Part is never knowing what messages I'm going to receive. All I know at the start of a day is that I will - to all of it. The great excitement is seeing what, when, who, how, and where. It's also very exciting to look back and see all the changes, and how rapidly they're coming now. I live in anticipation, but in the moment - in gratitude for the moment with excitement for my future. What it took to get to where I am is to see the pattern and adjust my attitude. Now I'm focused on the grandness of the journey. Now I understand that a big part of what we're to do on earth is to experience, and I'm so enjoying the experience. I used to think that Hell was life on earth, vs. Heaven, which happens after. Now I'm beginning to see how we can truly experience Heaven on earth.