First, I have to say that this blog now entirely belongs to God. You can no longer expect any regularity in postings. You're just going to have to check in for new posts when you can. If you're on Facebook, the announcements pop up when I've posted one. There were a lot over the weekend, then none during the week. I just wasn't feeling it. Messages come in a "feast or famine" way and suddenly this is on steroids. So I'll write them as I can, as they come to me. I've got to "go with the flow," as I'm entirely learning. I'm stepping out of all my known norms and getting out of the way. I've been surrendering all to God - all my self, thoughts, attitudes, relationships, all aspects of my life. And I'm being rapidly transformed because of it. I've increasingly surrendered all, including my relationships with work, duty, responsibility, action, flow, supply, abundance, money, school, myself, my mission, job, and all people. I'm not sure that covers all of it. I surrender my thoughts and feelings, relationships with this and all, specifically and just totally. Then, what I do is live in response. I do whatever I'm led to do next. I'm learning not to attach to what comes next - the next guidance, action to take, or outcome. I'm just staying in the flow. It's not easy, when I don't see the flow. That was the case most of this week. What I did right was not force things, but go with the flow. I also kept turning to God and surrendering. I surrender multiple times a day.
For two years now I've been working toward this exclusively and directly. My main concern has been clearing, healing, learning, and growing - changing my life and my self. I've done all I needed to along the way to deal in the world, as we all must do. Two years ago I took on a tremendous mess with a lot of human drama. It would cripple most people. But I dedicated my life to God, use of my talents, discovering my mission in life, and cleaning up the mess in my life and myself. Now I see others around me with their lives in rapid motion and change and my life seemed at a stand still this week. I kept wanting to DO something to progress. My main concern has been to find a job and stabilize my finances. This week saw an immediate halt to all the progress and promise I saw happening last week and that was hard. Yet I just couldn't muster the energy to put it all out there again. It was decidedly odd. Last week things seemed to be flowing without me toward a job, and for weeks I saw this happening. The halt was marked. For example, Friday someone left me a message wanting to set up an interview from a resume sent several weeks ago that I'd given up hearing from. I left a return message that day, and again on Tuesday and have never heard back from her. That's just weird. But I'm learning that whenever anything "weird" happens, I later see God in it. They're sign posts, those out of the ordinary things, that defy the way things normally work.
These things are usually very subtle and you have to watch and be aware. I once wrote a blog here that said I don't think God works directly in our lives in most cases. I have to totally take that back. I don't understand how or why, but He works directly for so many of us, in so very many loving ways! Don't ask me about why "bad things happen to good people" because I only have partial answers to that. I'm still learning. But the more I'm in relationship with God, the more I'm learning to see Him in all, especially those "weird" things that "happen." I see that things simply just don't "happen" in so many of our lives. Last night I texted a friend in distress as promised, very late. She wanted to talk and I had a late meeting, said I'd text when done. I texted as promised and she didn't respond until I texted her again today. She was asleep when I texted last night, and obviously really needed it. This woman almost never sleeps, which might be a good part about why she's feeling so distressed these days. I figured she slept through the text but it turns out that doesn't happen, so she actually never received the text! Now that's "weird." She's gotten every other text I've sent. I know it was her I texted, not someone else. The text is still on my phone, showing when it was sent and that it was, but it never got to her phone. How often does that happen? I saw immediately that God knew she needed the sleep more than she needed to talk with me last night. How awesome that He cared enough to give her that! It's not life changing so please get that He cared enough to even do that little thing for her!!!
How much more so then does He do the big things! Today I read an email from a friend who said he was saddened to tears to hear I didn't get the job I wanted as a pediatric optician. While that is very sweet, it is very misplaced emotion and totally out of alignment. It simply means that God has something much greater in store for me! It would have been a totally awesome job and exactly what I wanted - the environment, work, and energy were just right and it's so what I want for myself and my life. But all along I've surrendered to God. My highest priority is our contracted mission for this lifetime and all that is a part of that. My highest priority is all that prepares me for that, and doing it. And I tell Him that multiple times a day. That keeps me in alignment, faith, belief, intent, and spirit. Through seeing His hand in all the little things and how much care He gives to us, I've come to understand that something I want all the more is coming to me. He numbers every hair on our heads, cares for the lilies of the field and provides for them. He is in every little goodness in our lives, so how much more so the big things? I am so very excited! I don't know what, when, or how - what's in store for me. I only know it will be a visible manifestation and big start of "beyond my wildest dreams" understanding and gift. I'm soon going to finally know what that means, what I've always most longed for. It's all beginning to happen. So there is absolutely no reason for any kind of sadness. I've told Him my choice in the matter of all things in my life - His will over mine. Because I know He sees the big picture and I don't. I know we both have my highest good in mind. Only He can see how to get me there and I can't. And I now entirely know that I can trust Him to work for me and make it happen. I know, in fact, that it's already in the works. All I have to do is continue to do my part as I'm led to, and then get out of the way. I did rightly this week by not forcing things, forcing myself to do things I wasn't ready for. It doesn't mean I won't need to do them later, it means it wasn't time. I'm doing rightly by not trying to manufacture results, by simply surrendering, listening, being open, and doing all I'm then led to do as I'm led.
Earlier today I felt that this is a time of quiet learning and contemplation, necessary. Then I helped someone dear to me, and received so much, as always, in doing so. I reached out to the friend who didn't respond to the text last night, and discovered she never got that text, realized what that meant. Doing just those things, following through on what I was given to do this day, opened the floodgates. I then helped my daughter with something, as I often do. I was given more insight into what's happening. Then I read an email from one of the metaphysical sites and got the confirmation of what this week has been about, the quiet time. I see that my life is totally in motion too, just like the others around me. Only mine is more quiet and subtle because of all the preparation and work I've been doing over the last two years. But I can entirely trust that I'm on the brink. Plus I've been gifted to look back over my life and see all the steps that brought me here. I can see the recent ones as well as way back to my early life. And it's pervasive. Monday I was going to go to a guided meditation, which is always more beneficial than I can say. Instead, I'm going to a one-time-only event about the Mayan Calendar, 2012 and what's going to happen, how to prepare. I'm very excited to tell you I know I'm to attend this event instead of the very beneficial meditation, even though I have to wait a month for another. It has to do with my life mission, and I've been getting information for months now in preparation for attending this event. Are you listening? How very awesome is that! Talk about awesome adventure!!! So I see the years events that led to this. I see over the past two years including meeting a certain psychic medium, who turned me onto an event called Site Nite. I see who played a part in me meeting her, and there were many. Then there's Bekah and how I got to this house and how I met her in the Spring, and the blossoming of that relationship. Because of that relationship and how and who she is, she knew on Tuesday I needed a lift and offered to take me with her to Site Nite. I wouldn't have gone otherwise, and at Site Nite I heard about this event. It is awesome to get to see the progression, and His hand in all of it. It's so much more complex and awesome than the greatest chess game ever. And I haven't even begun to mention all the blessings that were a part or result of each event along the way. I've mentioned Bekah before and how dear she is to me, what a blessing in my life. And she was just one step along that path. There are a minimum of eight people over the course of just over two years that directly led me to being there that night and hearing about this program! Each of these people has been a major and loving blessing in my life, too many times and ways to go into here and now, and too personally. God is totally awesome! Seems to me like I'm abruptly ending here, but the flow has stopped for the moment, and the rest seems to be another thread.
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