"Awesome" and "adventure" have become the biggest words in my life these days. I see where the "wilderness" of being jobless has been such an opportunity, and not a wilderness at all, for one thing. I've learned so much during this time, and have never been alone, like "wilderness" would imply. At first, I would be in dire need and then some supply would come. I never knew where it was coming from on the physical plane, but it kept coming in the nick of time. Recently it's started coming just ahead of need, or as soon as I identify the need. Eventually I saw the pattern, and that's part of the adventure. It's very exciting now. I never know what's going to happen next. For a long time I never knew what each day would bring - who I'd be called upon to help in what way. That was exciting in itself. But I felt burdened by the struggle to survive. Now I've entirely changed my attitude and perspective. As a result, I dwell in a state of gratitude, awe, and adventure. I no longer fear, although I do still get frustrated. When I get frustrated, I eventually remember to stop and pray, and it helps right away. The only time I stay frustrated is when I forget to take it to God. That one is still new to me. I used to doing that with my needs, wants, and fears, but not frustrations. But frustration is a form of, so it too benefits from surrender and prayer.
Tonight I was frustrated because I formatted a school paper as required, but the formatting disappeared. Last week I spent considerable time in the "help" section of Word 2010, trying to figure out how to achieve the desired formatting. It appeared properly in my paper and I saved it in the .docx format required for the class. Yesterday I checked my grade and teacher comments and she noted that I didn't have page numbers or proper formatting! So today I spent several fruitless hours trying to run down how to save my formatting, trying to search the "help" section. If you've ever worked with that, you know how frustrating it can be. Like last week, I finally thought to stop, take a break, and pray about it. I then went back and tried again. This time I thought to search in a different manner based on something that "clicked" in my head when I stopped struggling. And of course, I found the information I needed, as I figured I would. I'm now coming to expect this kind of results. It's not taking God for granted, it's recognizing the pattern of help. I set intent (prayer) and took action (searched again with a clearer mind). I did my part - taking it to God, which helped clear my brain if nothing else. Then I did my next part (searched again).
I am learning and my life is evolving. I've identified the pattern of help and how to get it. The formula is prayer and gratitude, intent and action. I am beginning to see His hand in all areas of my life, to entirely trust Him with all my needs and wants. "Take it to the Lord in prayer" has taken on a whole new meaning. When I was religious in the late 1980s, I used to pray endlessly for help, and seeking answers. What I was missing was the intent and action. I didn't truly believe I'd get answers, was praying from desperation rather than faith. And I really didn't know God very well. I was rather rooted in the idea of God from the Old Testament, and all the "shoulds" being spouted by other religious folks. I even had people telling me the specific formula for how prayers should be said! Let me tell you, He doesn't require formality. In fact, He doesn't even require you to verbalize it. If your heart is turning to Him in love or need, that's all He needs to hear. I connect so much better when I simply talk with Him than in formal prayer. The formality can get in the way of relationship, which is what it's really about.
Part of the adventure is that I never know who I'll be interacting with each day. Part is that I never know when or how my needs are going to be met. Part is seeing some of my wants met too. Part is getting answers to things I've wondered about for so long. Part is never knowing what messages I'm going to receive. All I know at the start of a day is that I will - to all of it. The great excitement is seeing what, when, who, how, and where. It's also very exciting to look back and see all the changes, and how rapidly they're coming now. I live in anticipation, but in the moment - in gratitude for the moment with excitement for my future. What it took to get to where I am is to see the pattern and adjust my attitude. Now I'm focused on the grandness of the journey. Now I understand that a big part of what we're to do on earth is to experience, and I'm so enjoying the experience. I used to think that Hell was life on earth, vs. Heaven, which happens after. Now I'm beginning to see how we can truly experience Heaven on earth.
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