Letting Go

This is being written on 11/2/11 but won't be posted for awhile. My lovely cement estate lions just left after more than 7 years of being part of my life & it makes me a bit sad. I named them, used to dress them for spring, Groundhog Day, Christmas, & 4th of July. My ex & I would tease people who came to the house, telling them to praise the lions on their way in so they wouldn't bite them, & had other little private jokes about them prowling around at night. Remember, I'm the cat lady & I deep animal lover. I felt like they were my pets as surely as I did my stuffed animals when I was a kid (& I'm still like that, still have stuffed animals). The lions aren't the only treasures not moving with me into my new home. I also sold my wooden arbor & swing, & that hurt a lot because my most beloved cat used to be buried under it. I used to feel her around me when I'd sit in the swing. But in truth, her soul doesn't need a special place to be with me & these are just things. I decided to let go & move on without them, that there wasn't a good place for them in my new life & they are very heavy to move.

All this is part of healthy letting go. When you hold onto things or people or ideas or thoughts that no longer serve you, you can't receive the new. You can't progress. You stay stuck in the familiar (read "rut" here) & fail to grow & thrive. Often people stay in "safe" jobs because they're afraid to try & fail at what they really want, or don't believe they have what it takes to make it. People also make that same mistake & stay in relationships with friends or spouses, even when there's abuse. Life is ever changing & there's great joy in letting go & experiencing what's next. But you have to believe you can do it & deserve it. You have to be willing to let go first. I already feel better. I process things when I write or talk about them. That allows me to "sit with," acknowledge the feelings, then move on. Tomorrow I'm going to the new house again, & will further plan where my furniture & things will go. I certainly won't be fixed in sadness for those lions or that arbor & swing. I so loved the style of that swing though, & want one again some day if I have a place for it so I took some close up photos. It was Amish made & I could have one like it made again, only better. This one was always crooked & it was too late when I realized it. I also didn't paint it & the wood weathered & I was sorry. So if I choose, I can replace the thing with newer & better. It won't be the same one my cat rested under but that will be ok. Those are not always healthy things to hold & remember - it really depends on where your heart is with it. I still have the memorial stone I bought for her, & that will go with me. My heart has that tie because she was a very exceptionally beautiful & rare soul. Some things I hold onto because they have great meaning to me in a good way, like the framed photos of my grandparents & the antique portrait of my grandmother's grandmother. I hung it recently, before knowing I was moving, & in my heart it finally made my living room look like home to me. When I lived in the house where I raised my kids, it was in the living room for as long as I can remember. These things help create my sense of home & security so they're important, like a beloved teddy bear to a child.

Letting go isn't about letting go of everything you care about. The portrait & photos still serve me. They are of me, of the only family love I knew growing up. They help create the atmosphere I need to thrive, & that's fine. If I lost them forever, I would get over it because they are things, but they're precious things & it would hurt deeply & I'd miss them. Perhaps all this is so important to me & my feelings of home because I never lived in a home of safety & love. Letting go is about lightening your load & letting go of what no longer serves you, moving on. It would have been easier in one way to stay in this house - no packing, moving, logistics, less physical strain. But the house no longer serves me in most ways & part of moving on is having the courage to let go & embrace the new. I'm moving to a smaller house & some people fear downsizing but it can be a very good thing. It can really serve to simplify your life. I've had to let go & move on many times in my life. I lived in 5 different states before becoming an adult, & lived in several different towns within the last state. This required letting go of practically everything & everyone I knew & loved eventually. It isn't easy but it does lead to new adventures, teach you a lot about values, people, & places. And after you keep doing it, you learn what you want to hold onto & what no longer serves you, & how to let go. Because I've done it so much, if you're having trouble with letting go or identifying with what no longer serves you, I can help.

Boundaries, Shields, & Walls

Boundary is a psychological term for drawing the line at certain behaviors toward yourself or others. A shield in spiritual terms is a protection you call down from a higher power or powers. Building a wall, also known as blocking, is psychological jargon for blocking your emotions, memories, &/or reactions from your consciousness. I fully advocate the first 2 & am concerned with the 3rd. We'll start with that one & work backwards.

Walling or blocking is a normal, healthy response to pain, especially when used by victims of any kind of crime & abuse. It's an automatic defense mechanism best described in terms of rape victims who say they "went someplace else" mentally during the rape. It keeps you from bearing the full brunt of inflicted pain at the time it's taking place & is therefore healthy defense. Victims of the worst crimes or those deeply suffering for whatever reason, usually can't process the full pain for awhile afterwards. The wall or blocking allows some healing from the inside out, first of the subconscious. In the natural course of healthy recovery, the awareness & dealing with the painful subject comes about gradually in the conscious mind. The problems occur when we are too traumatized to allow that to take place. We are unable to bury things deep enough to keep from being affected by them & react most to what we are not taking action to heal from. I had walled off the traumas of my childhood & it was so ingrained that I never dealt fully with them. When the pain was renewed, I stuffed it back in as quickly as possible, never realizing the consequences to myself & others. It kept me an unhappy & discontented person. I was unable to love myself or others fully, & certainly was unable to provide unconditional love. I also was distrustful, of myself & others. Plus I harbored a lot of negative feelings about myself, messages I'd internalized & therefore perpetuated in my life. We are doomed to replace victim experiences with similar ones until we take down the walls, face the thing, & deal with it to heal. We perpetuate our experiences onto others too. This is how abuse victims or those bullied grow up to be abusers & bullies. After an appropriate individual healing time, walls are detrimental & certainly not to be put in place purposely.

Shields are helpful. They are protections we call down from Creator, angels, & other beings of Light & love. You can ask for shields against physical, emotional, & psychological attacks. Then you aren't erecting a wall against feeling, you're asking for a precaution ahead of time to ward off any future damage. It's like buying insurance. Then there are boundaries - drawing a line in the sand. Most victims of any type of abuse don't know how to draw boundaries & have been taught that they're wrong. Those who were abused as children were taught from an early age but those nasty lessons can come as an adult too. We are taught that we're "bad" for denying him/her, for saying no, for standing up for ourselves & our needs, etc. Often we have a streak of healthiness in ourselves that allows us to draw boundaries with some people or groups but not with others. I was a pushover at work but no-nonsense with my kids. My best friend was a pushover with her kids & no-nonsense at work. As we were raising our kids we used to help each other with it. Not only is it your right & natural for you to draw your own boundaries, it's your obligation! Your #1 obligation in life is to take care of yourself because if you don't, others suffer in some way. For example, if you don't take care of your health you become a financial or physical burden to someone else. If you don't take care of your finances, you can become a public financial burden. If you don't set boundaries, you end up being wishy-washy & that puts others in a very uncomfortable position. They end up taking advantage of you, which isn't healthy for them. Or they never know which way you'll turn when, & that can be pretty scary for those close to you. We all have the right & need to set boundaries for how others behave toward us & around us. You can't control them but you can exercise your boundaries without that. For example, you can assert your boundaries verbally or physically, & as long as you do it respectfully you're fully within your rights. You can just leave the place, situation, or person if your personal boundaries aren't being respected over time. You absolutely have the right not to stay in a situation or around a person when you feel uncomfortable, just like you have the right to protect yourself from physical attack. Think of it this way - you wouldn't just stand there & allow someone to stab you with a knife without acting to protect yourself. You have the same right not to be verbally or emotionally stabbed, & that's a boundary. And you have the same right not to be accepting of unkind words or actions toward you, or being used by someone. You have the right to call him or her on it, & to take whatever appropriate action to make it stop if that doesn't work. Many boundaries are very detailed & highly individual & that's ok. As long as you aren't stepping on the rights of others with them, if they matter to you they're valid & worth defending.

I Recommend Attunement to Do Reiki Energy Work

This is being written on October 28th for posting at the next opportunity. I've just had the most profound Reiki experience I've ever had & I'm prompted to share this with you. Once you are attuned to Reiki II you are able to do Distance work - send the energy over time & space from wherever you are to wherever he/she or they are. There's a whole lot more to it than that as far as what you can do. Because there is no limit to the energy, you can do whole groups or the earth or universe at once. You can send it back or forward in time, because time as we know it is an illusion & all time exists at once. This is a scientific fact that calculates light years, etc. Did you know that when you see a star, the shine you see was emitted before you were ever born? Yet your perception is in the moment. It's that way with all time. So once you become attuned to Reiki II, the sky isn't even the limit!

One of the missions I've been given is to help pets, especially cats, cross over the Rainbow Bridge to the afterlife. When I do this they communicate final messages to me for their families. They share their hearts, minds & souls with me at that time. And I'm able to discern the very moment they cross over. They allow me to see & feel what they experience in their final moments, their final thoughts. I've heard once of someone else who does this, & I know I'm not the only one being called to do this. This is something anyone who is attuned to Reiki II or a higher level can do. So far I've been called upon to do this 5 times & the final moments have been different each time, as have the messages, & the effect on me. This is the one time that giving Reiki can give me sadness thus far in my experiences over a year. If the cat is sad about leaving his/her person, I've felt that very deeply & it's stayed with me for awhile. One cat had a very hard life on the streets & not that much time in his forever home & really regretted that he hadn't had more time with his person, who he very much loved. That one was hard for me because I was on the receiving end of his final thoughts & feelings. However, I was able to reassure him about his future & that is a profound gift - to be able to make things better for them in their final moments.

Today's experience affected me more deeply than any of them because I helped my beloved grandcat cross over. I cared for him & his siblings for about 9 months from the time they were about 6 weeks old, so he was closer to my heart than if I'd never lived with him. And this time I felt the very moment of his soul's departure from earth more distinctly than I had before. It was very peaceful, I can attest. One moment his energy was present & the next moment it was absent. And then my own sense of the loss of his bodily presence set in. He too had final messages for his parents, which I felt privileged to receive & pass on. I am profoundly grateful to the cats for sharing all of themselves with & through me in their final moment. I'm profoundly grateful to be able to listen to them, answer any questions or concerns they may have, & ease the discomfort & distress of spending final moments at the vet's office. And I'm profoundly grateful to be able to pass on messages to comfort the those who are mourning the loss of one beloved.

If your heart is centered on helping people, animals, or the planet, energy work is one of the best ways to do this. Anyone can learn, including my friend who said she couldn't because her ADD is so bad she can't concentrate. Reiki has ancient Japanese roots & carries traditional Japanese ritual into calling forth the energy. This ritual helps you focus your mind & intent. In truth, all you have to do is be attuned to Reiki, have the right heart & intent, & call in the energies. Only the most impaired can't do that. Then, if you're doing Reiki & your mind starts to wander, it's ok. We're only conduits, channels. We don't guide or direct the energy - it goes wherever it's most needed within. It's directed by the higher self. My heart has led me to recommend attunement for anyone & everyone willing to give of their time & attention to helping. And now that I'm a Reiki Master, if you're local to me (or fairly), I can attune you. I've been given a mission to do this for Christ. If you're far away from me, I urge you to find a Reiki Master you share heart with in your area & become attuned - first to Reiki I, then Reiki II. Beyond that is up to your calling.

Tribute to My Daughter & Some Lessons

Today is my daughter's 30th birthday & I couldn't be more proud of her. I never pinned expectations or my own unrealized ambitions on my children like some parents do. I wanted them to grow up with my values & heart though. I wanted them to be loving & compassionate toward others, to be loving individuals who give of themselves freely. I wanted them to live by my own golden rule, as follows. Every thing you do & say is like a drop of water in a pond. It causes ripples that are far reaching. Once you do or say it, it's entirely out of your hands - who it impacts, how many, & in exactly what way. If you say or do something unkind, it will cause unhappiness of some kind & you never know what or how much. If you say something mean to someone it might just be "the straw that broke the camel's back" that day. In turn, that person might go home & kick the dog, who then bites the kid, who then throws a tantrum, so the parent goes nuts on him... And when you are nice to someone, something as simple as a smile can make all the difference for the good. It could be the very thing that saves the day & the person goes home & pets the dog & kisses the spouse & a marriage is saved. I'm sure back then I made the lesson simpler, because they were pretty young when I started teaching this. You get the picture though, & so did they. My children have entirely fulfilled that one great wish I had for their future selves. They are kind, loving, compassionate, generous people. The other thing I really wanted for them was that they would love & know God & Jesus. I took them to church, Sunday School, & Vacation Bible School from a very early age, & I was often a teacher there. That too worked, I'm so pleased to say. I never crammed any of this down their throats though. Just as you kids know what kind of person you are, how you feel about things & conduct yourselves, they knew how I felt about God, Jesus, our church, & how to treat others. I led by example, which is the only way that works.

My children have far exceeded those wishes for them, in surprisingly wondrous ways. It's so cool to see them all grown up & see what they've become. One of the bonuses is that my daughter moved back to the neighborhood she grew up in when she bought her first house. She now attends the church she grew up in, is reunited with the true family we had there. She also reunited me with them in the process (at the time I lived 2 hours away, now 5 hours). I go there every time I go to Maryland to visit her. She's taken an active role in the leadership & life of the church, just as I did in my time, which thrills me.

Now to the other lesson. My daughter suffered emotional abuse from both her father & me when she was growing up. People, don't punish the children when you're mad at the spouse over a divorce!!! Yea, you truly hurt the spouse but you damage the children! Don't talk against the other spouse or try to lure a child away with special things at your house only. Emotional blackmail using the kids is a no-win situation for all, & causes lasting damage in kids. My daughter got emotional abuse from both of us & here's the other lesson. I hadn't dealt with my own childhood abuse issues. I had walled off my feelings so much that I replayed some of it without being aware. Every time I tell you in whatever form or blog to heal & deal with your hurts, this is why! Monday's blog will be about this subject - boundaries, shields, & walls - what each one is, how to use them & how not to. One of the things I'm most proud about in my daughter is what she's done with her pain. She has faced it & used it. Once I became aware of what I'd done to harm her, I apologized fully & explained why so she'd know for sure that it wasn't the kind of treatment she deserved. I fully admitted to failing her & gave her plenty of time & opportunities to process this & talk to me about it, no matter how painful for me. I'm the parent, #1, & I'm the one who wronged her, #2. So I owed her that. I also entirely changed my behavior toward her, became the unconditionally loving mother I truly was inside rather than how I'd been reacting. I turned reaction into action, got control of it, when I faced my own issues. I'm so proud of what she's done with her own pain, & that she's found it in her heart to forgive me. Not only forgive, but respond to my more healthy ways of dealing with her in kind. She's met me equally every step of the way & now we have a closer relationship than I ever thought possible. I adore & love her with all my heart & I couldn't be more proud. What she did with her pain was become a social worker who specializes in abused children & teens. She uses her experience to relate to their pain & reactions, & tell them it can get better & she's proof. Boy is she her mother's daughter! She also became a good & loving friend & mentor to others in need outside of her job, in her personal life. And to enhance all this, she's now become a Reiki practitioner.

Personal Power - part 2 of 2 - repost

Here's what I've learned about personal power & intent. Now that I truly understand the power of intent, I plan on expanding its use in my life. I understand now that our biggest limitations are in our mind. Remember how afraid I was to use Gorilla Glue? I came to expect myself to be able to handle it & to actually fix an antique bed frame with it & I did. I had been self limiting before that. Things were changing but I wasn't growing with the changes because I was self limiting. I was believing the limiting messages I was taught by others & by life, despite the lessons I was learning about the power of intent. Now I'm working toward expanding my power by challenging beliefs of time, space, & limitations. Each time I come up against a limit, I work to find a way around it, one after another. If you study metaphysics at all you see that time, space, matter & mass are illusions. For example, nothing is truly solid no matter what our senses tell us & we were taught. Matter is made of moving molecules they now know. Now, I can't explain to you how things manage to hold together anyway. I believe it has something to do with magnetism between the molecules but I'm not a scientific mind. I understand it but not well enough to explain it at this point. You'll have to do the research for yourself on that one. Same with time & space. But I believe, & therefore I know enough to know that I can move beyond the limitations we've been taught.

I want to share a quote sent to me a few days ago by a wise, young friend. "Change is inevitable; growth isn't." I've made the conscious decision to harness change by growing with it. Instead of letting things happen to me & reacting, I work toward acting purposefully, with intent. Therefore I'm more in control of the changes taking place. And for the things I can't control, I can at least control my actions in response to, rather than simply reacting. I also understand that I can't control the timetable or the way to any desired outcome. I'm learning to visualize my intent with patience. I trust that because I have the best intent, & I back it up with work & faith, it will eventually come about. In the meantime I will be learning & growing, because that's also part of my intent. I know now there's always a reason for things happening as they do, in the way & time that they do. "It's all good" is my philosophy. Now, in these blogs I regularly says things that sound contrary to that because of those who look for signs instead of making things happen. I know that everything is working for good in my life & that the things that are happening are meant to happen because I'm actively making them happen. I'm not sitting around waiting for someone else to tell me what to do, including God. I'm not standing still in my life waiting for signs - I'm on the move & looking for signs when things don't seem to be going my way. That way I can make adjustments if needed. It's also how I accept with grace when things aren't going the way I envisioned. I trust the outcome. And I stay open to adjusting my path. As I'm looking for signs, more often than not I'm expecting the signs to tell me I'm on the right path. That's usually what I receive, because I do know I'm on the right path most of the time. Often the signs are just road signs that show me an easier path than the one I'd mapped out. Because I'm on the move with intent, & I'm open to growth & change, God gives me those guideposts to make the way easier & quicker. Because I listen to Him, I receive many of them. But you only get them if you're already on the move toward what you want to make happen. You won't get them by listening to preachers or friends or searching the Bible or asking God before every move you make.

I've also learned that I don't need a man in my life, & I will never give my personal power away again. I've learned to be content & fulfilled with what I do have in my life. I've also adjusted my expectations & ideas about romantic love & learned myself better. I've begun learning the extent of my personal power & could never give any of that up again. I've learned that I don't like living with anyone else so I don't believe I'd ever get married again. I've learned that I don't want to again commit my life or time or energy to one other person. I've learned that personal freedom means more to me than having the love of any one individual & that the loved ones in my life are more than enough. I've learned that I'm a complete & whole individual who is very loved by others, by God, by the Universe - loved all that I've ever wanted & needed. It's always been there, was only limited by my lack of awareness. If I ever have a mate again, it will have to be a man who enhances my work & energy rather than takes any of it. Someone who gives more than he takes, who aids & assists or has parallel energy & mission. Both times that I was married I became someone other than myself or gave up parts of myself to be in the relationship. I was like a chameleon, & I devoted myself to being what I thought was wanted of me. And of course, I wasn't successful either time, because I wasn't really me. You're in the wrong relationship if you can't be yourself! Now I'm too strongly an individual, too aware of my self as I am, of who I am, to do that. I've grown with the changes.

Personal Power - part 1 of 2 - repost

I've long been a believer in personal power. I used to say I'm not a "women's libber" (boy does that date me!), that I'm a "personal libber." (You have to think back to the 60s & 70s when "Women's Lib" (short for liberation) was a catch phrase. I believed we all have personal power & that all women had to do was assert it. Forget your fears of being called aggressive because assertiveness was usually reserved for men at that time. I felt that we could be assertive without being aggressive. In fact, women are better at that than men are.

Despite believing in my personal power, I felt I needed a man in my life. I felt I was made to love & be in love, to be in relationship & that I was incomplete without that. So I married wrong the first time, married the first guy who actually wanted to marry me. So I spent the 1980s being married, having 2 kids, raising them, being primarily a wife. In 1990 I couldn't live that any more & separated. The 1990s was about raising my kids by myself & dealing with my childhood memories that had finally emerged. That brought about a new understanding & awareness of self & I learned to love myself & be a whole person. But I was lonely & still felt the need for a man to love & be loved by. It wasn't that I was incomplete, but I truly missed the romance, attention, etc. Also, by 1999 I was completely worn out from the emotional work, the custody battles, never enough money, working full time & raising kids. So I entirely traded my personal power just like that to the first man that would have me. I thought I knew him. I'd been part of his family loosely for 30 years, knew all his immediate family very well. I knew how he was raised, adored his mother, sister, brother. But just like the first time, I immediately jumped entirely into a commitment with him - both times in just 6 months. I'd repeated my mistake only more so this time because I gave over all my power to someone who was admittedly controlling! So I see that my belief then in personal power was more words than reality. Any of us can talk a good game. What really counts is our actions & choices.

When our actions are contrary to what we preach, what we claim to believe in, we're being hypocritical & giving a bad name to whatever we say we stand for. I know a man who condemned his college age daughter for living with her boyfriend. He claimed not to believe in living together before marriage. It was pointed out that he lived with his first wife before they got married. He said he'd learned from that & would never do it again. Then he turned around & lived with his second wife before they were married! "Do as I say, not as I do" just doesn't work! People learn by your example, not your words. The daughter went on to marry the guy after they lived together for awhile, & nothing bad happened from living together first, by the way. I think "Sunday Christians" are some of the worst as far as nothing but talk. You know, the kind that quote the Bible at you & go to church every Sunday, then go around spreading malicious gossip about anyone who doesn't do like they claim to do. The time I had the most surprising religious influence on someone was a very dark time in my life that ended in a nervous breakdown. I certainly don't remember ever talking about God, although I did wear my cross necklace every day. About 4 years later I ran into the guy I'd been dating at the time & he told me excitedly about how his life had changed because of me! He said I'd inspired him to serve God. Amazed, I asked how I'd possibly done that & he said it was because of my quiet, unwavering faith! It was something that had simply shown from within me, & I was totally unaware. But something in my actions spoke above all else. Each time I've had the most spiritual impact on someone was when I wasn't trying. God uses us best when we get involved the least, at least as far as most people & preaching goes. Few of us are called to preach & spread our own beliefs. Most of us are called to lead by example.

Just after the turn of the century (doesn't that sound strange) I finally began to truly believe in the power of intention because I saw it in action. It's the personal power each of us has - intention. Once I saw it enough to believe in it, I started using it in a limited capacity. I sweetly & persistently asked for what I wanted. I was friendly, I networked because that's natural to me, & started making things happen. That's exactly what personal power is & it's available to all of us - the power of intent. I don't yet use it effectively in all areas of my life all the time, but I'm learning. One thing to remember - you can only use intent for yourself. You can't cause anyone else to do anything by asserting your will or intent. So when you exercise intent, don't put limits on it by detailing how to get to the outcome you desire, & don't involve specific others. Also, it doesn't work on anything that could harm you or others. And, be patient & stick with it. I wanted all the excess furniture out of my house by the end of August & started posting things on Craigslist. Only one thing sold, so I had to renew the postings each week. Now I'm starting to get responses. It didn't happen in my chosen time frame but my landlord removed my need to have things cleared out by September & things are starting to sell. It's taken intetion, work, & patience but it's happening. I also had to lower my prices, which meant letting go of some of my expectations for the outcome. This is just a minor example, something that won't matter greatly in the long run but matters to me. Someone was talking about Invetro Fertilization & the chances of it working. Often it doesn't work until the 3rd try & most people don't stick with it that long! That's a really big thing to not persist in & work toward! Next post, what I've learned.

Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself - part 2 repost

Other fears have been of bugs, the phone, cats, paypal, success, & getting what I ask for. Again, common fears but let's look at how harmful they are to our wellbeing. I used to get so spooked about bugs that I felt like they were crawling on me & I couldn't sleep. Sales people know the fear of the phone when the worst that can happen is someone will be rude. That actually does happen all the time, yet we survive. I also used to dread the phone ringing, having to deal with whoever was calling. I was afraid of cats because one bit me when I was very small, eager, ignorant of mother cats with their kittens. Some of our fears have come from direct experience so are more grounded, but no fear serves us. Obviously, I got over my fear of cats eventually, & have been greatly blessed & rewarded ever since. I'm still afraid of bees, because I'm allergic to their sting, but I've learned to handle my fear, lessened it to a large degree. I call on the Archangle Michael every day for protection & strength, & I include protection from "bitey & stingy" things & unwanted bugs touching me. Then I expect to be safe & I am. That's how I no longer have those crawly feelings, & now I seldom have bees anywhere very near me.

Paypal was another interesting fear - fear of tackling something difficult, complicated. Yet I've always found a way, as most of us have, to get everything done that needs to be done for home or office. When we actually confront our fears & look at them, we see them in the light of reality. We see that we've already successfully handled something similar, or we know someone who can help. Or we go ahead & make a try, & find we can do it easily after all. The problem is, most of us have these vague fears we live with & don't even really recognize, so we don't bring them into the light until we have to deal with a situation right then. Sometimes we confront our fears in dreams, when they're deep & firmly anchored within us. It's our subconscious trying to get us to recognize & deal with them.

Getting what you ask for & success are other common fears. We're actually taught to be afraid of the true desires of our hearts! "Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it." In that we're being taught not to want, not to trust ourselves, not to even try. Most of us also fear success. We're taught to fear what we'll become on the way or when we get there. Taught to fear the great fall from a lofty height, that our successes will lead to failure or be too much work. Most of us sabotage ourselves out of this fear.

I've talked a lot about a variety of fears because I believe most of us live with them without knowing it. So what do we do about them? One thing is to confront them by figuring out the worst that can happen & how you'd deal with that. Thing is, it never comes out that way, but it tells you that you can cope if it does. Most of the time simply recognizing the fear & looking at it in the light of reality banishes it. Sometimes we have to identify the source of the fear to get rid of it. We then find that it's not based in reality, comes from some lesson we were taught in childhood or from someone else's bad experience. I believe I spoke before of my fear of insulin shots, instilled by a doctor who used to threaten me with them. Turns out they're nothing like regular shots, they're something I barely feel. And going on insulin gave me the power to get healthy! Often conquering a fear is a matter of just getting out & experiencing, doing. Some of our greatest experiences come from doing things we were once afraid of! And it's glorious to live without fear! You feel free to be, do, experience, live. You appreciate all of life so much more!

Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself - part 1 - repost

I believe Churchhill said that during WWII. It's another one of those things with new meaning for me. The other day I overcame one of mine - Gorilla Glue. For some reason I associated it with epoxy (another fear I've had), thought it had to be mixed. Yes, it carries all kinds of warnings - wear gloves, ruins clothes, stains skin. But we all know you're not supposed to get heavy duty glues on clothes or skin, & it wouldn't be sold over the counter in Walmart if it was that fearsome.

We entirely limit ourselves because of our fears & end up missing out on some great experiences. We also stiffle our growth & opportunites - for success, relationships, etc. Lately I've been doing things despite my fears & each time, I find the fear was worse than whatever I was afraid of. I haven't set out to conquer them, it's not a project of mine for growth. But moving forward in living & coping means you have to step out of your previous comfort zones unless you have someone else to do everything for you. I've been finding I can do all sorts of things I didn't think I could do, like fix an antique bed & restore it to use. I found out I was capable of much in the 90s when I was working full time, single parenting, & maintaining an old house that hadn't been kept up well enough. It wasn't fun - I wasn't in a good place mentally at the time. I did the things totally out of necessity, without joy. But I certainly found out I was capable of much more than I believed. I can't tell you how good it feels to accomplish things you never thought you could. And now I know I can handle the things I need to in order to live independently.

I lived most of my life in fear, & at times it was crippling. One of my fears was of being known & exposed. Think how that affected all my relationships! That was when I carried the secret in my heart (even from myself for the longest time) of the abuse I'd suffered as a child. During that time I also feared a God sized shoe dropping on me for any little wrong I did, so I was as good a person as I could be. I lived in fear of God, myself, fate, life. I had little faith in God or myself because I was living in fear instead. Fear is the opposite of faith. I feared doing wrong, being wrong, being judged, what others would say or do to me, failure, homeslessness & poverty. These are fairly common fears. Many of us have lived with them, felt the unhappiness of dealing with them. For example, I'll bet many of you have dreaded conversations you expect to be unpleasant. I'd play them in my head - what he or she would say to wound me, what I'd defiantly say in return. Yet it never happens that way. Usually by the time I'd have the conversation I'd so worried over, there was nothing to deal with after all. I've never accurately predicted how it would go, what the person would say. It was always much worse in my mind. That's the way our fears are. When something unpleasant does happen, we find a way to cope or get help. The fear that came before is unwarranted & needless torture. Plus, you don't prepare yourself with fear. It doesn't allow you to think clearly & come up with a workable action plan. It just makes you suffer, & perhaps make some unfortunate decisions or actions. Tomorrow, part 2.

Common Struggle - to Take Care of Self - repost from early in year

Many women, & givers in general, struggle with the problem I've had. We feel we have to earn all the love & goodness we get in life. You may not even be aware of it within you. It's not why I'm a giver, but it caused me to put everyone else first & me last. Both of those bore noting. I say yes too easily, to too much. I don't set my boundaries, so there's never enough time & energy for me. I can't tell you the last time I performed Reiki on myself, for example. I over commit for a variety of reasons including wanting to save & help everyone to not wanting to look bad by saying no. I feel bad when I don't do all I say I'll do as often as expected or desired. I feel bad for not meeting the expectations of others. I feel bad when I don't accomplish as much as I wanted to in any given day, despite the fact that no one could keep up with that day after day. So I've held myself back from the truest goodness & flow of life because I only feel I deserve it when I've done enough to earn it. And boy am I exacting in what that takes! I'm not that way with others, although having constantly high expectations of myself makes me feel less kindly toward others who don't give peak performance. But I don't put that off on them, fortunately. Can any of you relate to all this?

Sunday I spent a long time trying to come to terms with what's holding me back, what's keeping me from honoring myself. I was on another healing & abundance live call with Mary A. Hall & I was listening but wasn't entirely receiving. I knew the problem was within me, not Spirit. It all boiled down to still feeling I have to earn Love & goodness. So then I worked on how to get over that, because inside myself I really do understand that it's not what I do but that I am. I read back over material on separating your self from your birth family that I'd read & printed a couple of months ago. As always these days, what I needed was there waiting for me. It said that our mission is to discover who we truly are & separate ourselves from all that is not, which is often what we learned in childhood. I'm nearly there & it helped me see what my job is now.

I wrote down all aspects of my job, & made 3 more copies. I have one on my desk (by my phone & computer), one on my spiritual center desk in my dining room (near the other phone), one on the refrigerator, one on my bathroom mirror. These are the places where I make my commitments, my choices, & where I take care of myself. This is what I wrote, & it's in order of importance: "1) Take good care of my physical body. 2) Take care of my emotions & spirit. 3) Take care of my family. 4) Take care of my environment (home, belongings, etc.) 5) Honor the commitments I've made to others. 6) Stay in the flow. For #5, I need to draw boundaries on the commitments I make, & to whom. Don't make a commitment because you think you should - consider it first, in light of #s 1-4. #4 directly impacts #s 2-3. My talents go into #2 & #6. These are my only 'shoulds.' When I do them steadily I maintain #6. I'm doing my part."

My life has been out of balance & I've been asking for balance. This is the way to get it. If I don't take care of my body first, nothing else is going to continue to happen. Next I have to be emotionally & spiritually healthy. I can't take care of my family if I haven't taken care of all my needs first. Needs, not wants. Wants you juggle & balance, give & take. Needs you have to take seriously or they'll overtake you. #4 is because I hate housework but I also hate clutter & disorder. I function best with order, being able to find & use what I need without spending time looking. And cleaning makes everything look better no matter how shabby. I'm an artist & I don't want to put the work into making things orderly & clean, but it's important to me. My surroundings affect my mood, sense of wellbeing, my energy. By #6 I mean that I need to maintain all the others, stay within the place of my heart, & feed my mind by learning. I'm a lifelong learner, it thrills me. I love to learn all I can about what interests me, including essential oils. I'm fueled by new recipes, knowledge, experiences. All that goes into #6. Flow for me most equates to creativity, but is more than that.

Now that I have the answer on how to actively honor myself & bring more balance into my life, I'm determined to make those changes. This gives me a blueprint for my days, helps set my activities & priorities for each day. I'll use it for time & activity management. I haven't been anywhere near this order of priorities since I was in high school. Back then, taking care of my physical body was all cosmetic, but since I liked boys, it was top priority. Now cosmetics is the least of it, since I'm 55 & there are many more pressing issues. But perhaps remembering that time in life will help me succeed in this order of priorities. Our bodies are wonderfully self-healing plus I can channel Reiki for myself too. So I have a chance to undo years of burning the candle at both ends in mistaken service to others. I let myself be used terribly by those who were nothing but takers. Now it's time to learn a new, healthier way of being. Now it's time for me to honor myself. That's part of loving yourself. Just like you can't perceive the love others have for you or really attract it if you don't love yourself, you can't perceive the honoring if you aren't honoring yourself. I hope this sharing helps you.

Happiness is a Choice - remember, this repost is many months old!

Whole bunches of people admire me for my attitude & the way I've handled what happened last Fall. I'm proud of me too! Instead of letting what happened defeat me, I took on all the work & responsibility & I've worked very hard. I also developed a very positive attitude & outlook. If you haven't read back far enough, I took on the care of my very abusive mother after my now ex stole her life savings. I also put him in jail for it. I had/have no job, no savings, only past due bills & responsibility, an overwhelming mess to get through.

Reading my blog you might think I consider myself to be just about perfect. That is so far from the truth! I get overwhelmed, down, have periods of low energy, exhausted, just like you do. I have times of self-doubt. I used to have bouts of self-pity, anger, resentment. "I'm only human" is too often used as an excuse, but it's true that we ARE only human.

One of the differences between me & many others is that I make a conscious choice over & over to be happy. On hard days it has to be a moment by moment choice rather than a daily one. I have made the choice to be grateful & the choice to be happy. These are 2 different things but work together. The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor. The choice to be happy is that I choose to dwell on the things that make me happiest instead of all the rest.

The choice to be happy is rather simple. I put things in my life & hold things in my life that have the power to bring me joy. I've learned to take pleasure in many of the little things in life & to acknowledge the simple but profound gifts. I've learned the art of taking care of myself a lot with a little. If you need the big things & wait for them, your life is going to be one of unending disappointment. One thing I do is stop to smell the roses - literally. My poor little bush will probably only produce a single, small rose this year but it's such a sweet one! It was ready today & is in my favorite vase with the special pink & white baby's breath I've managed to keep alive year after year. Every time I pass through the kitchen, I stop & smell it, admire my bouquet. Another thing I do is appreciate the wonder around me, pay attention, acknowledge it. I stop & savor the honeysuckle in the air, the scent of someone grilling, the smell when someone's cutting grass. Every evening I take time to enjoy the light show around me - dozens & dozens of lightning bugs! Lately I've had lightning bugs land on me, a female hummingbird flying around me, butterflies flying near me. I know these are uncommon occurrences & so I pay attention, look them up in Ted Andrew's book, "Animal Totems." You don't have to be spiritual to have at least a little belief when something rare occurs like that, & keeps happening. I'm rewarded each time with messages of victory coming from the ashes, of overcoming & the ability to make good things happen. I take all that very personally, as a promise. That's part of taking care of myself & holding good things close. Every time I get an email from someone telling me he or she is proud of me, or some other special message of affirmation, I save it in an email file called "positive affirmations." Before email was invented & to this day, I journal such things. I use them when I need them. When I've been bombarded by someone who wanted to annihilate me, these have been my weapons to defeat his/her purpose from within. I haven't allowed anyone to keep me down forever despite major bombardments through long periods of life, from 3 of the 4 major authority figures in my life. I used every little act of love from others, held them in my heart, used them to affirm what I knew somewhere inside about whether I was lovable & worth living. Despite the onslaughts, I was able to flourish some outside the situation, more so after escaping. Each time they came, I was stronger, had a better sense of self. In the meantime, I'd also attracted many more people who affirmed me. You attract what you put out there. I was putting love out there except when it came to authority figures, so I was getting love. I was putting out real, true love, & that's what I was getting from others.

Which brings me to gratitude & attitude. I was just outside looking with pleasure at the blossom on my tomato plant. It's the promise of a tomato in the future! I'm not focusing on the fact that the plants aren't producing a bunch of blossoms. I'm focusing on that one blossom, as well as the 3 tomatoes already growing on the 2 plants. I'm noticing the progress of my basil, which I'll have with the tomatoes. I'm grateful for & focused on the little blessings. I also think about where I might have the opportunity to buy really good tomatoes this summer to supplement what I grow, & how I might help my plants do better. So I'll repeat what I said earlier. The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor.

I've learned about growing tomatoes from each failed attempt. This is the first time my plants have gotten this far! I learn all the time about things I have an interest in, & I keep trying with the things I deem to have worth. I don't try them all every year. Many years I just grew cherry tomatoes because they're easy & I've always been successful. But I'm back to big ones this year, armed with more knowledge & better plants. And trying again gives me the opportunity to learn more, plus to come closer to success. I've mostly learned from admiring the tomatoes grown by others. People love praise & are quick to share their success tips with you! That's a quick example of a little kindness bringing reward!

Attitude is everything! Truly! If you're always waiting for the next blow to come, that's what you're focused on & what you're going to get. I hear it all the time in blogs & on Facebook: "What now." "Not again!" "I made it through today. Wonder what tomorrow's going to hit me with!"

First, I believe in my ability to handle whatever happens, one way or another. I can handle it myself or I can get help. I believe that because I've chosen to notice that I've proven it over & over. I've chosen to therefore believe it. That doesn't mean I enjoy any of it - plunging a nasty clogged toilet on Saturday, then having to bring my most stubborn cat in after my mother didn't listen & let him out, then having the kitten I'm trying to acclimate take 3 steps back. In fact, those situations drained my energy for the evening, coming one after another. But I made the choice to regroup. I spent an hour doing something I promised to do to give to another, less fortunate person. Then I took the rest of the night off & watched movies on TV. I honored my commitment to myself to take some time off on Saturdays, even though I'm so behind on things & it's bothering me. Choices!!!!!!! I can't say it enough. It's all about CHOICE. It's a series of choices & you have to make the healthiest ones you can for your self, your life, your soul. Often healthy choices are relative, by the way. Part of my movie night was candy & popcorn because I haven't entirely moved away from thinking of that as a great treat & way to relax. It's a process. I very seldom do it any more, when I used to do it every Friday & Saturday. I suffered for it, too. I'm working on adjusting my insulin so I don't run out before more money comes in (another choice) & I started a yo-yo of highs & lows that continued into Sunday. I'm learning from that too. I choose to learn from lesser choices & the consequences, rather than think of them as life hitting me again.

When "life" "hits" me with things, it's an opportunity. I take whatever steps I can to protect myself from it happening again. I put a box in front of the door my mother left open when she let the cat out, as a reminder. I've learned telling her does no good. Instead of anticipating what bad is going to happen next, I try to anticipate what might arise again so I can prevent it. And when I can't I learn from it, accept it, handle it, move on. I don't dwell on it except long enough to learn from it, see how I can fix it, prevent future events like it. Because that's how I approach things, it doesn't take long to do that. I'm certainly not anticipating the next blow, I'm working to prevent another one along the same lines. I don't then expect something different to happen to hurt or inconvenience me, I'm too focused on making this one right & moving on. Then I move onto the stuff that I wanted to do in the first place, & focus on that. I pretty much stay in the here & now that way. If you're in the moment, just living what's happening, you aren't anticipating the next blow. You're enjoying what you're doing now, or finding better ways to get through it at least. Then you have the satisfaction of having gotten it done & you know what you're capable of in the future when needed.

Our lives are the sum of the choices we make. If it takes 30 minutes to get to work in the summer but traffic is worse during the school year, you can adapt or get into trouble at work after awhile. We learn all the time if we pay attention, & that's a choice as well as what we do with the information. And all we can control is our own choices. I've learned that if I keep a live catnip plant in the house, it's gone in a day or two, never grows back. I've also learned that the ones from the pet store don't do well. This year I bought 3 quality plants (Bonnie, a common herb distributor) & keep them outside. I've learned to bring them in for a few hours, then take them back out before bedtime. The cats don't know not to eat them to the roots, & love to chomp in the night. This way the plants regenerate before I bring them back in, & the cats get a treat each time they do. Simple choice from what I've learned, that makes us all very happy. My intention was to provide them the pleasure as much as possible so I paid attention, learned the lesson, & follow through with my choices.

The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor. Yes, I've said it a third time. I have a true attitude of gratitude when I have a chance to learn & make choices. When I was an abused kid, I didn't have the opportunity to make choices to change my life. All I could do was deal with it, find ways to cope & survive. Many don't have the ability to change what's happening! So those of us who do need to make those choices & be grateful that we can!!! That can't be achieved with a "what next" attitude of negativity. That's self limiting & such a terrible shame! You're abusing yourself with that attitude! And you'll get exactly what your heart & mind are focused on! Instead, look at everything that happens as an opportunity to learn, grow, make your life better & better the lives of others.

I just had to spend $500 to fix the air conditioner on my car. I'm not looking for the next thing to go wrong with it. I'm realizing that it's a 16 year old car & that I've seldom had to do any repairs. I'm realizing that it's the cost of one car payment only, & that I bought myself X amount more time without car payments by having the work done. I appreciate my car & give thanks all the time, have even given it a loving nickname in appreciation for the service its given me. I truly enjoy driving my car so I drive with care & take care of it. I expect it to start, deliver me, & I enjoy the knowledge I have of the car & handling. And that's what I get from it. I didn't have the money to spend on it & now I'm working on eeking out my insulin until the end of the month because it's $200. But I'm not focused on what I don't have or the negative - I'm focused on how I can work things out to pay the bills & provide what we need for the rest of the month. I'm making choices & taking positive action. You can't do that if you're mired in the negative. I've chosen to be grateful for the car & having a working air conditioner again, which freed my mind to work out the insulin situation. I have room to work with it because I take 2 different insulins & have plenty of one type, just not the other. Who knows what I might learn from this?

That's the thing - there's potential for positive to come out of negatives, if we have an attitude of gratitude & are open to receiving. John Walsh lost his son & for 23 or 28 some years hosted "America's Most Wanted," which led to the capture of so many criminals of the worst sort. His son's death remains a terrible tragedy but he used his experience for a such a positive outcome for so many. We actually tend to learn & grow more from the negatives in our lives than from the positives, so all the negatives are opportunities if we're open. Bemoaning them just gives them more power, is an invitation to be further hurt. Taking control of them to learn from them & transform them when possible gives YOU the power over your life. It puts you in control of the only thing we can control - our actions & reactions. And yes, we CAN control our reactions! My initial reaction to the backed up toilet was "ick, why now, not me." But I quickly changed that to, "OK, I've got a plunger & I know how to use it." I got the job done, then rewarded myself for a nasty job accomplished quickly & now over. I didn't learn anything new from that one, just reinforcement of the message that I'm capable, my ex was wrong about me, & I certainly don't need him around the house. More of the message that I can handle life & the things that occur. I changed my initial reaction, went into action, & registered the message/lesson. I therefore grew just a little bit from the backed up toilet. And so I'm grateful. Not wildly, but still, grateful. I'm not sure I needed that lesson again, but maybe I did. I'm looking forward to the next day of lessons too. Usually they're delivered in a more pleasant way these days because I AM open, grateful, making the most of them. Because I'm listening & paying attention, they're more often butterflies & hummingbirds than less pleasant ones. My attitude of gratitude is bringing me what I'm putting out there!

How to Talk With & Be In Relationship With God - repost

I have a relationship with Father God that some people envy. Just last night I was again asked how to achieve that, with the belief that I couldn't tell her. Most people believe you have to work hard at it, that it's pretty unattainable. They feel that He's too busy or they aren't important enough or He's too hard to reach. But I actually CAN tell you how, because none of that's true. He truly IS so big & magnificent & ALL that He can be there for each of us, & is. To have a personal relationship with Him, all you have to do is believe, talk, listen, & open your heart.

First, let's get through the terminology. Call Him or Her whatever you want. If you want to substitute some other word for God or Father, go ahead. Creator, Higher Power - doesn't matter. All that matters is that you believe there is a Highest Power that created us. Perhaps the closest word we really have in the English language for this Creator is Love. Certainly, if you want to understand Him, Pure Love & Power is the best way. I believe I talk with Father God. I used to strictly talk to Brother Jesus, because I could relate better. I believe that Jesus is God's Son, a separate part of God the Father. That just gives you context. Your beliefs might be different.

So back to how to talk with the Creator. You have to believe that He hears YOU. You have to believe that He loves you enough to listen to you, & that He always listens. Then you have to do it, the more often the better. You have to open your heart when you do so that you get that connection. Think about human communication, let's say the development of a friendship. At first you aren't emotionally connected, so talk is not emotionally charged. You aren't really investing much of your self into it usually. There's no bond with that person. Each time you talk you share a little more of yourselves & it gets easier, more comfortable. The bond begins to form which leads to sharing more of yourselves & deeper bond. Eventually you are fully & emotionally present in each conversation because of that bond. It works the same way with God.

Part of the above conversational/bonding process is that you listen also, not just talk. When you talk with God, you have to learn to listen too. I find that He "talks" with me differently than Jesus does. Jesus talks with me like my Angel & Guides do. That is, I receive messages in my head in direct response. It's that "ah-ha" that comes into your head sometimes when you're searching your brain (so you think) for answers. That fully formed entire concept/picture/answer. It's like receiving an entire paragraph to a letter in response to your question. At least, that's how I receive it from them. From God it's different, it's a feeling, a knowing in my heart, more than a concrete thought or concept. That said, I know He talks with some people in a more direct fashion, like my Angel & Guides talk with me, or even more directly. I believe that if you earnestly seek Him, He will speak to you in whatever way is needed at the time. I believe He usually allows others to deliver His direct messages - advice from a trusted friend, your own Angels & Guides, many ways depending on how open we are.

It's easier to learn to accept that those "ah-ha" moments are actually messages being sent to you than it is to identify when God simply speaks to your heart. Sometimes your brain is wonderfully functional & will solve problems if you put them in there to work on. Something at work, let's say, & you figure out a solution to - the glitch in the office budget. You know that's you. Or you awaken with an answer to something you went to sleep trying to figure out. That's probably your mind, unless the solution was just way beyond you. Our brains work on problems while we sleep because our subconscious takes over & our conscious brain is for once, blessedly silent. But if you ask a question as you go through your day & minutes or a moment later come up with the answer, that's not your brain. That's not you. That's Guidance. Once you learn to detect, feel, trust, & have gratitude for that, you're ready to listen to God's messages to your heart/soul/being. Again, that doesn't come from your brain. It's God speaking to you, not your brain at work. When you open your heart to God & talk with Him through your heart (usually using your brain at that point because we do it with words), your brain is overridden by your heart & therefore couldn't be supplying the message you get in return. It's that simple.

I recommend talking to & with God in 2 ways - formal prayer & conversation. Please note I said talking "to & with" & know that I always carefully choose my words when I write anything. Usually I'm talking "to" God in prayer & "with" Him the rest of the time. It's more in talking with Him that you'll hear back from Him. Talking "to" is not real conversation & talking "with" is. I talk with God just the way I talk with everyone else except in twice a day (or more as needed) prayer. I tell Him good morning & I love Him, just as chipperly (new word :) as I can. Or I tell Him I love Him & that I'm still really groggy, having trouble getting started, whatever. Then I stumble around at first just as if someone called me & woke me up. I talk with Him whenever there's something on my heart, & I thank Him a lot. I tell Him how cute the 2 baby chipmunks are playing, & how much I love them. I ask Him to protect them from the ATVs racing up the street, reiterate that I love them & how cute they are. I bring Him the things hurting my heart, like the lightning bug I found half dead in the house. I tell Him when I know my attitude is wrong or I've done something wrong. I've vented to Him, just like you would do your closest friend. Because He is my constant companion, & so much more than a friend. If you had a really close relationship with your father or mother, you might have told these kinds of things to him or her. I tell people you can even cuss when you talk with God, although I certainly don't. I think the talking to a parent thing works pretty well here. If you talk with Him the way you would a beloved parent or other authority figure (aunt, uncle, much older sibling, or even a close family friend), & you listen, you'll develop that kind of relationship. And it's possible whether you ever enjoyed that in your family or not. I had very little access to that kind of love & bonding growing up, but now I have it with Him, beyond my wildest dreams. YOU can too!!!

Unconditional Love - special 11/11/11 repost from early this year

Those who think about it say they want it. Some people claim to give it to us, & some do. Few understand what it really means. The truest & purest form of unconditional love is not just loving people for themselves, all parts of them. That's just part of the truest unconditional love. Even that part carries a lot of subtle wonders. Basically, it's loving all of someone as he/she is. It's when you know that person through & through & love the "bad" as well as the "good." Mostly it's not seeing "bad" or "good." You love that person as a whole. You find ways to accept the annoying. It makes you chuckle instead of wince most of the time. You listen to the annoying laugh & smile to yourself because it's a characteristic you've come to know in your loved one. You patiently listen through the convoluted story-telling because you're listening to the voice of your loved one sharing with you. And if you can't listen patiently this time because of something in your life, you set your boundary for that moment in love & gentleness. Because unconditional love is NOT accepting all part of a person every minute of every day. It's also "calling" someone on something he needs to be made aware of - in love. That's the true meaning of constructive criticism, a whole other important subject. Criticism is only constructive if you have no personal agenda with the person or at the time. It's calling a truth to the person's awareness for her own good in the most loving way possible.

My daughter gave me an interesting look at this aspect of unconditional love on the phone the other day. She lives in Maryland & I live in Pennsylvania so we don't see each other that many times a year. She last saw me at the beginning of April & I was asking her about how I appeared then. I had been noticing at the time that I'd really aged during the first part of 2011. I wanted to know if she'd noticed, & she hadn't. She said when she looks at me she just sees me, not how I look. With great appreciation I realized, big duh here - all she sees is the inner me, the REAL me. That's absolutely all she sees. That's really what unconditional love is - one aspect. Now, that doesn't mean you can't also see physical changes in the person. Some people do look at the outside also, notice details. Usually we do see at least some of the outer - we notice when someone isn't feeling well, looks tired, or especially good - we just often can't define the difference when we're really close to the person, really love unconditionally.

The purest form of unconditional love has no agenda, requires/needs nothing from the other person. This is the part that's so much more rare, is much harder to obtain & for people to understand. Last night, someone I love unconditionally was expressing concern she had about what I'd think of her, how I'd feel. Her spouse told me something about their relationship that she hadn't, out of respect for his privacy. First I assured her that boundaries are right to have - no form of love means you have to or even should share everything! There truly is TMI - either for the listener or yourself. It's right to keep some memories, experiences, feelings just to yourself, for yourself, close to your own heart!

What I told her is that not only are boundaries good, there's no way I'd feel any way at all about not being told by her. I have absolutely no needs or agenda where our relationship is concerned. She loves me the same way I love her & that's all I need from her. I have no expectations, no needs. She is enough because she is herself. Our relationship is enough, & more so. I don't "count" - in other words, I don't notice or count up imagined slights or wrongs. I don't count who calls whom or how often, who does more for whom - none of that even begins to occur to me. I don't want any "shoulds" in our relationship, because I have no needs. I have "wants" of course - I want to be in closer proximity so we can do things together, for one thing. I want frequent phone calls, visits, to give hugs. But I don't imagine those to be needs, don't put them off on her, don't put conditions on my love due to them. "Shoulds" are very ugly things. One of the best things I got out of Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings in 1990 was "don't 'should' on me" (if you aren't getting it, instead of "should" hear the word "sh--").

The only way you can be a giver of truly unconditional love that needs nothing in return is to love yourself unconditionally. That doesn't mean you have to accept every part of you as is, quit growing & changing. In fact, those who love themselves unconditionally are always growing & changing, becoming better versions of themselves. But to be in a space where you can love another without needing in return, you have to be whole within yourself. You accept yourself for who you are right here, right now. You understand who you are & how you got here, & don't "count." If you do something you regret, you learn from it, make amends if possible, & do better from then on. You don't even have to forgive yourself because you haven't condemned yourself over it in the first place. I snapped at my mother yesterday at the bank because I wasn't feeling well so my patience was down, & because of the subject matter still having a little power to bother me. I learned from it - that dealing with an adult who's mind is going is like dealing with an adult 2 year old. So I have to go back to how I handled my kids at that age & apply that love & patience here. When she's next really awake & lucid, I'll apologize, the simple apology you'd give to a 2 year old. I also took from it that I still have "triggers" on the bothersome subject & that I need to take care of my physical condition. What I didn't do was my old pattern of getting down on myself for the mistake. I used to beat myself up terribly for any time I delivered any real or imagined hurt to someone else. I'd imagine that it was my fault that people didn't call me, because of something I thought I'd done. I felt very unlovable, was very needy. I definitely needed things out of the people I was in relationships with. When you're needy, giving love is actually a grasping thing. When you're whole, giving love is truly that - the highest act of giving of yourself. It's enough all on its own - just giving the love. It fulfills itself. And when you love unconditionally, you live in a state of wonder & blessing because the more you give it the more things & beings you have that love for. It magnifies, then comes back to you magnified beyond belief!

Law of Abundance - repost from June

An aside: you CAN afford my services. Right now I charge nothing. I ask for donations based on your ability to pay & what you think my services are worth. Sometimes I simply work by exchange - a product or service for my products or services. See, I totally believe in the flow & law of abundance. If I share my talents & abilities without withholding based on money, my needs will eventually be supplied. That said, of course I prefer being directly paid as you all know the money abundance hasn't manifested yet. Now to today's message. This came to me this morning & is important. Today's blog is based on a concept I read almost 2 weeks ago & didn't entirely understand until I woke up with it this morning. That's part of the adventure my life now is - sometimes I awaken with insights, already in the flow.

Notice I said "law" not "flow" of abundance. That's because abundance is a law of nature & the universe. Abundant grass (look how often you have to mow), water (just look at oceans), trees, birds, I could make a huge list. If you don't have abundance in your life, it's only because something is blocking it. In some cases, it's because of where you live - man has removed much of the abundance in your area & replaced it with abundant asphalt & buildings. In most cases, we block our own sense of abundance or the flow. Sometimes we are blocking the sense by not appreciating what we have. Abundance is already manifested & we simply don't realize it. Exercises of gratitude clear that. All you have to do is get alone with God & start thanking Him for everything you can think of. Soon it takes over & you find more & more, can go on as long as you like. Your heart overflows & you realize all you have to be grateful for, & appreciate it all the more.

Sometimes we ourselves block the law/flow of abundance from working in our lives. Grasping for, holding onto, & worrying are the most common blockers. Grasping for is greed - taking more than we need at the expense of others. I think of one who always wanted to get rich quick, with the minimum of work & how he tried to exploit others. Somewhere between grasping for & holding onto is the buffet syndrom. Next time you're at a buffet, look around at the volume of food consumed because it's all one price. Then look at the food left on the plates to be thrown away.

Holding onto is failure to give to others out of our abundance. Hoarders are a dramatic example of that, & you can see the results on a TV show. I know about it firsthand because my mother is a hoarder & I now have the responsibility for clearing out all the excess. Folks, all I can say is those TV shows are no exaggeration & it's not that uncommon. I keep wishing I had the money spent on all the stuff I'm now clearing out for her. Remember, I had $25 just in old postage stamps the other day, posted about it. I'd already used a bunch before that! Now I'll give you 2 perfect examples of the opposite: 1) I'm not holding onto my talents or abilities based on ability to pay; 2) those who give away home grown yellow squash & zucchini. All vegetable gardeners will immediately "get" this. All of a sudden you have more than you can eat if you have a few plants. There's nothing wrong with blanching & freezing some for winter if you'll use it. But many give to those who have not & that's even better.

Worry also blocks abundance. You get what you put out. Your thoughts DO become things. If you're fixated on not having, which is what worry is, that's what you're putting out to the universe. It's self-fulfilling. Infertility is a good example. I hate that word, really want to create another, more positive word that leaves open the future possibility of fertility. Anyway, a perfect example of how worry does really block the flow is couples who have gotten pregnant after they entirely stopped trying, & adopted.

Another thing necessary for the flow of abundance is work. You can't sit on your hands & wait for things to come to you. Your hands would die from lack of circulation! Do all the work you can that comes to you. Take care of your obligations as they arise. When you are led to do something for someone, do it. Be a giver. It doesn't take money to be a giver. I'm giving you free advice & recipes in this blog regularly. If you take care of those sent to you, do the work given to you - be it your own housework & laundry, dishes, litter boxes - or a good paying job - the abundance will flow. Each week, do YOUR part, whatever that is. And be sure to include taking care of yourself - that's part of your job too, part of the flow. You aren't an unlimited quantity if you are stingy with your self & don't do the work on your self you need to - body, mind, & spirit.

Ok, I feel the need to tell you I'm a spiritualist & a Christian before I share this last bit. My life coaching is spiritually based - all my life is now. Being a Christian is personal. If you are not, I can still coach & help you. I sometimes channel Father God, for one. I sometimes channel Jesus, but I believe He probably doesn't send messages to those who don't believe in Him - that He leaves it up to others. That only makes sense. I am a psychic intuitive, teacher, guide, & a Reiki Master. I am a healer by nature & calling.

I was reading a message given to my spiritual community about creating & manifesting by envisioning the end scenario, holding the intention, & then moving backward in time, thought by thought. We were to remove any behaviors, thought forms, people, or situations that would block the perfect manifestation of our intention. I just couldn't picture doing that process until this morning. Then I realized - duh - that's nothing but the creative process put in different words. I've envisioned from my heart a painting called "Passion" - two people holding each other close in dance, her hot pink skirts flowing around them. I had to envision the finished painting in my mind before I could start because of my intent & how important the outcome is to me. I am painting my passion for that someone I mentioned in the post about falling in love with the universe, so my intent is very specific. First I had to decide on the size of canvas & whether I wanted to frame it. I had to picture where the figures would be, what else would be in the painting, what colors & where. I had to work backwards from the finished painting all the way down to the color wash I'd use to prepare the canvas. Another example of the creative process that reflects how to manifest this way is creating a knitting or crocheting pattern. My daughter, a friend, & I have all created our own baby blanket patterns - knitted & crocheted. We each first pictured the finished blanket - size, colors, texture, warmth, etc. Then we worked backwards - the stitch & type of yarn for the desired texture & warmth, how many stitches for the size, what size needles or hooks, etc. Each of us created a pattern that didn't exist in our world until we did the creative work, & a unique finished product from our intent. Then that pattern can be used to create over & over again. And that's an example of the flow of abundance. We could also create some financial abundance by selling our patterns or baby blankets. There are endless possibilities for abundance supply if we're just open.

Intent Used to Get What You Need - repost from July

I've mentioned tut.com before. I totally recommend that you subscribe to the free messages sent to your email 5 days a week. At first I discounted them as not really coming from "the universe," as coming from a person I watched in a video. Then, when I really got into the flow & did a lot of healing, most days they reinforced exactly what was going on with me. The following message goes with the blogs I've been posting this week.

"To some, on other planets, Jenny Lea, you get more done in a single day than they do in an entire year. On this planet, however, getting things done has been confused with worthiness. I guess that pretty much answers the intelligent life question. You're still out of this world, The Universe. Jenny Lea, there will always be more you could do, but I, for one, would have more fun watching and helping if you realized fully how much you already do, and knew how worthy you already are."

These messages are sent out by Mike Dooley, who has written & recorded a lot of great things about how our thoughts become things. He was one of my first experiences of things taking on new meaning. I thought I knew & heard it all, then I heard him & he told HOW to direct our thoughts rather than just let them happen & then worry about it. It was practical & easy to understand & follow, unlike all the "just do it" kinds of things I'd heard before that put a performance burden on me. This came from his video (also available in CD), "Thoughts Become Things." I totally recommend it to everyone even if you think you know it all & do it. If your life or health has ANY issue left, I recommend it. If you're already perfect, don't bother.

The biggest struggle I had recently with manifesting was that I'd just been taught that if you tell God, Universe (pick your language) that you need something, you're coming from a position of lack no matter how positively you state it. The answer was - it's already there, just waiting for you! All of God's blessings & goodness are just waiting for us! And it's not a matter of asking after all, no matter how positively you do that. It's a matter of realizing it's already there, RECOGNIZING IT & ACCEPTING IT. Once I started thanking God for the blessings rather than asking, my fears & doubts vanished & I began seeing them on their way. But first I had to realize that I'm worthy & deserve them. Worthy & deserving are 2 different things that are related, & you have to know both. I've only covered "worthy" before. You also absolutely need to understand that YOU DESERVE ALL GOD'S BLESSINGS just because He wants to give them to you!!! Who am I to question what He wants to do! And I know He wants to give me all these blessings! That goes to belief, trust, & finally understanding the goodness that is me - fully loving & forgiving myself. You also have to understand the goodness that is God. He's not vengeful or judgmental. He gave us free will on purpose - it truly is free will, rather than the ability to mess up so He can condemn us!

I realized He's provided tremendous physical & emotional healing, & all the other things I was asking for. He was already beginning to provide them - balance, wellbeing, wholeness, financial freedom & the flow of abundance, to the extent that I was ready to receive. My part is to do my work & stay open, to be grateful for & recognize what's being given to me. Now, when I say work I don't mean I earn the blessings! Doing my work will keep me in the flow of Spirit & help provide the financial freedom. My work is many-fold - my spiritual learning & development, my service to Him & others, taking care of my body, obligations & environment. If I quit doing any of these things (vs. taking occasional breaks as needed) then I'm going to lose out because I'll miss opportunities, fall back into old ways, begin to be emotionally or physically unhealthy, feel guilt, etc. Because that's the way things work - people, the universe, nature, bodies, etc. These things don't happen because God does them - they're laws of nature that we all know. The gratitude helps me recognize the blessings. It leaves me open to opportunities for business, wealth, growth, healing. It exercises my perception muscles & opens me to receive more. As in all else, gratitude isn't for God's sake, because He needs it - it's because we need it. Gratitude is love that recognizes what's being given, no matter who the giver is, so it's recognition in God's language of Love.

Worthiness - repost

My message, blessing, & healing today was the final knowledge that I'm of worth just because I am. Deep inside me all my life was the feeling that my only worth was equal to my service to others. The world is really good at reinforcing this! We get messages all the time through many sources. We're told to give to others, do for others. We're told to work for what we want, then reward ourselves. When we do those things, wonderful things happen to us, which further reinforces the messages. When I was younger I was a giver out of fear of the Old Testament God. Eventually I simply became a giver from the heart. If you read the blog about heart vs. head you'll get the context. Still, deep inside I had that persistent belief.

I tried to give this healing a paragraph in the heart/head blog & twice it disappeared. I didn't know why. Those who know me & the computer will understand that it got to the point that I couldn't keep trying, reading through the blog, etc. I believe it's complete & in good form as is now. I kept at the message because although it was difficult to articulate, I knew it was important (the whole heart/head thing). I understood there was a reason I wasn't to share the full healing there & now I know why. Worthiness is such an important subject in itself, deserving it's own, stand-alone full blog.

"Ask & it shall be given unto you." I started asking on Tuesday, twice, & once so far today. Thanks to Pam, I'm asking for the abundance, balance, & healing (emotional & physical) I need. I'm also asking for a continuing home for the cats & me together, a livelihood from my talents, & the financial freedom to do the work I'm being called to do & the things on my heart. You have to ask for all you want, but you can't be too specific. Don't box God in with specifics because what He has for you is far greater than you can imagine.

God sets the stage for all of us in advance & it's all waiting for us to just ask with intent. So I was led to sign up for Mary A. Hall's 22 days of abundance healing program. It includes 10 live conference calls & today was one. At first my head was blocking the Love pouring down on us, saying all sorts of silly things including how this would look to others not following a spiritual path! I started praying earnestly for my heart to open to receive & was given a beautiful vision. Plus, Mary started uttering all the very words I needed to hear! She talked about wellbeing, which is purposefully part of my company name. She also said that those of us who feel we have to earn blessings & love are blocking it! She said we'll never get it that way, it will always be limited. She said we ARE the Love & the Love is us & in us. She said it's there for each of us just because we are. And she called for the healing to continue through the day.

Right after that I processed the message that I'd been in my head instead of my heart, recorded the vision & what Mary had said, then wrote my blog. While writing my blog, I stopped to think about how deep rooted & long standing my belief about myself was, the one about my worth. I finally realized that it started with my mother when I was very little. Most people don't have the dramatic dysfunction that I lived, but many givers also feel it's their only worth. You need to find out why so you can cast it off. "The truth shall set you free." It's so true! Now I know where it came from, I realize how invalid it is. However, in me the message was so deep-rooted that even though I knew how I'd been treated as I child, I didn't link that unworthy feeling to the treatment. So you may have it in your head but find it's so deep rooted as a false truth that it persists. That's why I'm telling you this.

What I finally know now is this. I am of great worth because I am me. God created me to be highly intelligent & functional, creative, talented, funny, caring, loving, a great teacher, etc. He created me with a skill set for a purpose. He does that with each of us. Those happen to be some of mine. To those whom He gives much, He asks much, but He equips each of us. If I were to be a builder, He would have perhaps given me carpentry or electrician skills. He creates us & equips us for the jobs He has for us, then gives us free will. I have chosen to give my self & my gifts in service to others. That doesn't change with this healing, but now more than ever, it will be my choice rather than an obligation felt somewhere within. It will be entirely from Joy & Love, rather than any residual fear. My worth is not that I give but that I am. I've chosen to give. So too, you each have worth!

Now I'll share the beautiful vision. At first Mary was sharing with us an enveloping blanket of Love, which I couldn't feel. That's when I prayed. She then talked of us falling into it. A moment later I saw the biggest, deepest pile of beautiful, long, white feathers that was going to cradle & envelop me when I fell into it. Then I knew they were the feathers of the angels. God told them to shed feathers for me, & every feather was an angel's tear. All the angels in the universe were shedding some feathers, their tears for the pain I've carried. And then I finally felt how loved I truly am.

Heart vs. Head - repost

Boy have I been off track for about 2 weeks! I had an incredible high at the beginning of the month, then regressed so much! I realized today that I'd been turning off my heart & listening to my head. At the beginning of the month, I was entirely in my heart.

I wasn't entirely turning off my heart, fortunately. I couldn't have brought you the blogs I have this month if I was, for one thing. But each day my head took over more & more & I had low energy. I wasn't able to reach out to help those I'd pledged to help & that made it worse. It got so bad that on Monday I had to ask my friend to tell me that I'm worthy of being alive & lovable, not an oxygen thief! She'd just gotten done telling me, spontaneously, all I've done for her & how grateful she is. I'm aware of that, & profoundly grateful to have been able to do that for her. I'm profoundly grateful to have made such an impact on her life & the lives of others through her. All I did was love her, listen, support her, encourage her, & all the while, she was doing the same for me. She is in a similar state of being now, & we did it for each other. In some ways I got there quicker because I became attuned to Reiki way before she did. I became one with a local Reiki community & gained a whole support system early on. Then I shared with her & she followed my path & created her own. Now we stand beside each other on the path.

I was so far gone on Monday that even that wasn't enough. I gave her the hardest question - tell me so that I know it inside, how & why I am lovable & worthy just because I am me, not for what I do for others. After a pause (& I did my old "fill the space," "try to let her off the hook for that one"), she described her love for me, & it's that unconditional love I was talking about. She loves my laugh, just hearing my voice, hearing my stories about the lightning bugs & the cats, loves to see my Facebook photos in which I'm smiling, loves to hear my smile & make me smile. Then I realized that I am worthy, to be so loved. Folks, one thing you need to understand. I've never set eyes on this woman! I "met" her through Facebook games last year when I was using them to relax & escape what I was living. Just less than a year ago we began chatting on Facebook personally. Her kindness & spirit came through in those little communications you can develop when gifting through the games, & she seemed to be hurting & I reached out to her. Eventually she accepted that & told me what was wrong, & it struck a chord - she was getting separated toward a divorce. He was a lot like my ex so we quickly found common ground. By the time she accepted my overtures, I was in real need too & we helped each other. God can use all kinds of ways to bring into our lives the people we need when we need them. One lesson here is that when you extend simple kindness & give of yourself to others, you usually end up benefiting at least as much as they do!!!

But back to heart vs. head. I've been hearing about "being in your heart, not your head" in the spiritual community & not quite getting the concept. I've also been hearing about integrating your heart & head, making them one. What does it all mean & how do you know which you're listening to? When my head was in control I was low energy, unable to reach out to help others much, wasn't really growing much spiritually. I felt vaguely sick & tired a lot. I was full of fear, felt burdened & like the tasks before me are impossible. But me being me, I didn't recognize that at all. I've talked about this before - I often don't feel my emotions if they're not of the most positive. I usually have no trouble feeling love, joy, happiness, etc. Those are the ones I nurture, bring to the forefront. But I also tend to be "Miss Mary Sunshine" & focus on optimism & suppress what doesn't fit. I suppress anger, fear, etc. Folks, that's not healthy! You have to acknowledge those feelings, find the cause, then resolve them. Suppression doesn't solve anything. Wallowing isn't good, but you do have to acknowledge them, maybe even vent them, give them their due & attention, then resolve them so you can be healed. Otherwise they create internal disease - which is dis-ease, plus they arise over & over again. They haunt you.

When your heart is in control you feel love, joy, peace, contentment, fulfillment, & gratitude, & you experience creativity. Many think creativity comes from the mind but it's the mind working from the heart. So if you understand anything about the creative process, you can use that to understand how the heart & head/mind can be made to work as one. When the heart is in control you experience all these things no matter what your life circumstances are at the moment. You understand that whatever is happening in your life right now is what needs to happen & that your greater good will come from it. ALL of it!

Setting your intent does truly work to manifest. After talking with Pam, that feeling of my only worth being my service became prominent. Also, I started asking for myself too. My choice of how to set my intent is prayer twice a day. It's how I start my day & end it. That finally led, today while writing this, to uncovering the cause of the feeling, which has enabled profound healing of which I'm very grateful. If your intent is to put your heart in control & experience all the fruits & blessings, you are then able to enrich your own life & the lives of others. All you have to do is set the intent. Once you recognize the differences between being in your heart & head, you become more aware of the war between them most of us suffer at some point. The more you put your heart in control through intent & awareness, the more your heart will seek what you need. Eventually, as you work through this, your head becomes a function of your heart. The war is over & you are truly more at peace within yourself.

Practical Ways to Stop Obsessing & Controlling - repost from early August - part 1 of 2 today

I started on this subject the other day because it's something that comes up for most of us a lot. I'm trying to sell a bunch of used furniture & things, & wish to buy a used desk. I have a great need to clean out my home & life, make my space my own that works for me. I'm encountering people who don't reply or follow through, & it's messing with my need. It's all being done over the internet, & people tend to be very casual in that medium. So I keep finding myself really wanting to take control, & it keeps occupying my thoughts & energy.

I know I'm not the only person who has a tendency to try to micromanage, & who obsesses when I can't. I can't tell you how many nights I've stayed awake fretting over things not going my way, trying to figure out how to control situations that involve others. I tend to be too easy-going during the day, not wanting to be aggressive so not being properly assertive. The result is that often others get away with all they can, & I would be left holding the bag, dissatisfied. I don't like to push people, be pushy, etc. It's all the same language, the same thing, but we think of it in different ways, terms. I'm not sure why I do this. I know I have trouble setting boundaries by nature. Part of it comes from the kind of person I am. I always rejoiced in "The meek shall inherit the earth" because I often came off as very meek. Another reason I've had trouble setting boundaries is a childhood full of abuse that I perpetuated into adulthood, where I was taught that I had no right to boundaries. Many of us conduct our lives as if we have no real rights. We blindly bow to authority figures like lawyers we're paying. We don't hold them accountable, don't pin them down, let them get away with some outrageous behaviors & attitudes. We let them talk down to us, make promises they don't follow through with, then have to live with the consequences. We do that with doctors, nurses, teachers - any authority figure. Unless you have a history with a certain authority profession, you tend to do that. Most people do, a few actually know how to be properly assertive with authority figures. But most of us simply don't. We're taught to be polite to them from early childhood. Parents & even spouses or significant others can then fall into the authority figure category in our mind & if we don't learn to be properly assertive we end up with a lot of discomfort in our lives. When you find yourself obsessing & feeling the need to control others, it's sometimes directed at those people or situations we need to be assertive with in our daily lives. But often it's redirected, & actually points to authority figures we need to learn to be assertive with. So when you find yourself obsessing, feeling the need to control others, it's a sign that you need to do some self work. Because all we can control is ourselves. It's time to think things through & determine whether the person or situation is causing this need in you, or whether it's redirected & to what or whom it actually needs to be directed.

Practical Ways to Stop Obsessing & Controlling - repost from early August - part 2 of 2 today

Next step is what to do. Since we can't control what others say or do, we have to figure out how to take effective action ourselves. Once you identify what's causing you the discomfort leading to the need to control, you need to figure out exactly what you can do about it. Usually I start with mentally firing or jailing or killing off someone, that immediate end scene that feels so good. Obviously I don't believe that God judges us for our thoughts! Then I settle down to more practical solutions until I get to something workable that only involves what I will do, what I can control. Have I clearly set boundaries? Have I given a deadline? Have I actively taken all the authority I can in the situation? All the responsibility? Have I clearly defined the optimum goals? I could pose other possible questions for you but without your specific problem in my mind, this will suffice. One thing I will tell you - brainstorming with me or another effective, clear thinking friend or co-worker can often help. Often we find that we haven't made our position or needs entirely clear or expressed that these are needs, not wants. We haven't been firm. Face it - most of us don't like to confront & when we do, we end up not doing the follow through. We don't like to "bug" others so we don't check back on the action, make the other person accountable. Requiring accountability is a big step toward getting things done by others (& ourselves). In the past I've done things like give a 2 week deadline & then gone back a month later, very unhappy to find that nothing's been done. If I'd checked at the one week mark & asked to see what progress had been made, chances are greater that the things would have gotten done on time. It's best to let the person or team know you're going to do that when the deadline is given. Often we've been loathe to "hold someone's feet to the fire." You can do that with kind firmness - you don't have to be mean to do it.

Often we need to examine & adjust our expectations. As I just said, when I set deadlines for myself (& others), they have to be reasonable & take workload & needs into account. Just because we want something done or obtained by a certain date doesn't make it doable or reasonable. Sometimes it's a matter of adjusting our expectations, which we have total control over. Just make sure you're not doing that for the wrong reason, to avoid holding someone accountable or asserting your boundaries. One way or another, things will eventually come to a conclusion. I, as most people, always choose the path of least resistance. I take as much of it on myself as I can (which is not always a good thing, & I'm trying to learn better ways). I try to be as flexible as possible (which in the past led me to not setting boundaries, so again, I'm learning to adjust how I handle things). I identify what I can & can't control & work with both. For the things I can't control, I'm learning to ask for help, make compromises, & have faith. Nothing stays undone or unresolved forever. Something eventually happens one way or another. It's how we handle ourselves while waiting that counts. I'm choosing to ask & trust. Yesterday I wanted a dresser out of my bedroom & it hasn't sold. I couldn't move it myself because of the heavy TV on it. I asked the guys who delivered my new mattress & box springs to lift the TV & they ended up doing it all for me - even moved the dresser out to the living room rather than have me help. They took a few minutes & set the TV & stand up for me right where I wanted it. The dresser's now in the living room - less than ideal - but I've reclaimed my entire bedroom now, & am finally able to sleep well. I compromised for now, but I got my immediate needs met by asking nicely with faith. I got the clearing I needed in the most important room & the rest will come. As I give up my expectations of gain from the sale of the furniture & trust that needed money will come somehow, I'll achieve all the clearing I need in my home. So trusting in God, in overall goodness of people, & asking both for help, eventually brings results. In the meantime, we simply need to control our attitudes & responses & have faith that it will all come out as it should, in the end. That's true faith in action.