Boundaries, Shields, & Walls

Boundary is a psychological term for drawing the line at certain behaviors toward yourself or others. A shield in spiritual terms is a protection you call down from a higher power or powers. Building a wall, also known as blocking, is psychological jargon for blocking your emotions, memories, &/or reactions from your consciousness. I fully advocate the first 2 & am concerned with the 3rd. We'll start with that one & work backwards.

Walling or blocking is a normal, healthy response to pain, especially when used by victims of any kind of crime & abuse. It's an automatic defense mechanism best described in terms of rape victims who say they "went someplace else" mentally during the rape. It keeps you from bearing the full brunt of inflicted pain at the time it's taking place & is therefore healthy defense. Victims of the worst crimes or those deeply suffering for whatever reason, usually can't process the full pain for awhile afterwards. The wall or blocking allows some healing from the inside out, first of the subconscious. In the natural course of healthy recovery, the awareness & dealing with the painful subject comes about gradually in the conscious mind. The problems occur when we are too traumatized to allow that to take place. We are unable to bury things deep enough to keep from being affected by them & react most to what we are not taking action to heal from. I had walled off the traumas of my childhood & it was so ingrained that I never dealt fully with them. When the pain was renewed, I stuffed it back in as quickly as possible, never realizing the consequences to myself & others. It kept me an unhappy & discontented person. I was unable to love myself or others fully, & certainly was unable to provide unconditional love. I also was distrustful, of myself & others. Plus I harbored a lot of negative feelings about myself, messages I'd internalized & therefore perpetuated in my life. We are doomed to replace victim experiences with similar ones until we take down the walls, face the thing, & deal with it to heal. We perpetuate our experiences onto others too. This is how abuse victims or those bullied grow up to be abusers & bullies. After an appropriate individual healing time, walls are detrimental & certainly not to be put in place purposely.

Shields are helpful. They are protections we call down from Creator, angels, & other beings of Light & love. You can ask for shields against physical, emotional, & psychological attacks. Then you aren't erecting a wall against feeling, you're asking for a precaution ahead of time to ward off any future damage. It's like buying insurance. Then there are boundaries - drawing a line in the sand. Most victims of any type of abuse don't know how to draw boundaries & have been taught that they're wrong. Those who were abused as children were taught from an early age but those nasty lessons can come as an adult too. We are taught that we're "bad" for denying him/her, for saying no, for standing up for ourselves & our needs, etc. Often we have a streak of healthiness in ourselves that allows us to draw boundaries with some people or groups but not with others. I was a pushover at work but no-nonsense with my kids. My best friend was a pushover with her kids & no-nonsense at work. As we were raising our kids we used to help each other with it. Not only is it your right & natural for you to draw your own boundaries, it's your obligation! Your #1 obligation in life is to take care of yourself because if you don't, others suffer in some way. For example, if you don't take care of your health you become a financial or physical burden to someone else. If you don't take care of your finances, you can become a public financial burden. If you don't set boundaries, you end up being wishy-washy & that puts others in a very uncomfortable position. They end up taking advantage of you, which isn't healthy for them. Or they never know which way you'll turn when, & that can be pretty scary for those close to you. We all have the right & need to set boundaries for how others behave toward us & around us. You can't control them but you can exercise your boundaries without that. For example, you can assert your boundaries verbally or physically, & as long as you do it respectfully you're fully within your rights. You can just leave the place, situation, or person if your personal boundaries aren't being respected over time. You absolutely have the right not to stay in a situation or around a person when you feel uncomfortable, just like you have the right to protect yourself from physical attack. Think of it this way - you wouldn't just stand there & allow someone to stab you with a knife without acting to protect yourself. You have the same right not to be verbally or emotionally stabbed, & that's a boundary. And you have the same right not to be accepting of unkind words or actions toward you, or being used by someone. You have the right to call him or her on it, & to take whatever appropriate action to make it stop if that doesn't work. Many boundaries are very detailed & highly individual & that's ok. As long as you aren't stepping on the rights of others with them, if they matter to you they're valid & worth defending.