Letting Go

This is being written on 11/2/11 but won't be posted for awhile. My lovely cement estate lions just left after more than 7 years of being part of my life & it makes me a bit sad. I named them, used to dress them for spring, Groundhog Day, Christmas, & 4th of July. My ex & I would tease people who came to the house, telling them to praise the lions on their way in so they wouldn't bite them, & had other little private jokes about them prowling around at night. Remember, I'm the cat lady & I deep animal lover. I felt like they were my pets as surely as I did my stuffed animals when I was a kid (& I'm still like that, still have stuffed animals). The lions aren't the only treasures not moving with me into my new home. I also sold my wooden arbor & swing, & that hurt a lot because my most beloved cat used to be buried under it. I used to feel her around me when I'd sit in the swing. But in truth, her soul doesn't need a special place to be with me & these are just things. I decided to let go & move on without them, that there wasn't a good place for them in my new life & they are very heavy to move.

All this is part of healthy letting go. When you hold onto things or people or ideas or thoughts that no longer serve you, you can't receive the new. You can't progress. You stay stuck in the familiar (read "rut" here) & fail to grow & thrive. Often people stay in "safe" jobs because they're afraid to try & fail at what they really want, or don't believe they have what it takes to make it. People also make that same mistake & stay in relationships with friends or spouses, even when there's abuse. Life is ever changing & there's great joy in letting go & experiencing what's next. But you have to believe you can do it & deserve it. You have to be willing to let go first. I already feel better. I process things when I write or talk about them. That allows me to "sit with," acknowledge the feelings, then move on. Tomorrow I'm going to the new house again, & will further plan where my furniture & things will go. I certainly won't be fixed in sadness for those lions or that arbor & swing. I so loved the style of that swing though, & want one again some day if I have a place for it so I took some close up photos. It was Amish made & I could have one like it made again, only better. This one was always crooked & it was too late when I realized it. I also didn't paint it & the wood weathered & I was sorry. So if I choose, I can replace the thing with newer & better. It won't be the same one my cat rested under but that will be ok. Those are not always healthy things to hold & remember - it really depends on where your heart is with it. I still have the memorial stone I bought for her, & that will go with me. My heart has that tie because she was a very exceptionally beautiful & rare soul. Some things I hold onto because they have great meaning to me in a good way, like the framed photos of my grandparents & the antique portrait of my grandmother's grandmother. I hung it recently, before knowing I was moving, & in my heart it finally made my living room look like home to me. When I lived in the house where I raised my kids, it was in the living room for as long as I can remember. These things help create my sense of home & security so they're important, like a beloved teddy bear to a child.

Letting go isn't about letting go of everything you care about. The portrait & photos still serve me. They are of me, of the only family love I knew growing up. They help create the atmosphere I need to thrive, & that's fine. If I lost them forever, I would get over it because they are things, but they're precious things & it would hurt deeply & I'd miss them. Perhaps all this is so important to me & my feelings of home because I never lived in a home of safety & love. Letting go is about lightening your load & letting go of what no longer serves you, moving on. It would have been easier in one way to stay in this house - no packing, moving, logistics, less physical strain. But the house no longer serves me in most ways & part of moving on is having the courage to let go & embrace the new. I'm moving to a smaller house & some people fear downsizing but it can be a very good thing. It can really serve to simplify your life. I've had to let go & move on many times in my life. I lived in 5 different states before becoming an adult, & lived in several different towns within the last state. This required letting go of practically everything & everyone I knew & loved eventually. It isn't easy but it does lead to new adventures, teach you a lot about values, people, & places. And after you keep doing it, you learn what you want to hold onto & what no longer serves you, & how to let go. Because I've done it so much, if you're having trouble with letting go or identifying with what no longer serves you, I can help.