I've long been a believer in personal power. I used to say I'm not a "women's libber" (boy does that date me!), that I'm a "personal libber." (You have to think back to the 60s & 70s when "Women's Lib" (short for liberation) was a catch phrase. I believed we all have personal power & that all women had to do was assert it. Forget your fears of being called aggressive because assertiveness was usually reserved for men at that time. I felt that we could be assertive without being aggressive. In fact, women are better at that than men are.
Despite believing in my personal power, I felt I needed a man in my life. I felt I was made to love & be in love, to be in relationship & that I was incomplete without that. So I married wrong the first time, married the first guy who actually wanted to marry me. So I spent the 1980s being married, having 2 kids, raising them, being primarily a wife. In 1990 I couldn't live that any more & separated. The 1990s was about raising my kids by myself & dealing with my childhood memories that had finally emerged. That brought about a new understanding & awareness of self & I learned to love myself & be a whole person. But I was lonely & still felt the need for a man to love & be loved by. It wasn't that I was incomplete, but I truly missed the romance, attention, etc. Also, by 1999 I was completely worn out from the emotional work, the custody battles, never enough money, working full time & raising kids. So I entirely traded my personal power just like that to the first man that would have me. I thought I knew him. I'd been part of his family loosely for 30 years, knew all his immediate family very well. I knew how he was raised, adored his mother, sister, brother. But just like the first time, I immediately jumped entirely into a commitment with him - both times in just 6 months. I'd repeated my mistake only more so this time because I gave over all my power to someone who was admittedly controlling! So I see that my belief then in personal power was more words than reality. Any of us can talk a good game. What really counts is our actions & choices.
When our actions are contrary to what we preach, what we claim to believe in, we're being hypocritical & giving a bad name to whatever we say we stand for. I know a man who condemned his college age daughter for living with her boyfriend. He claimed not to believe in living together before marriage. It was pointed out that he lived with his first wife before they got married. He said he'd learned from that & would never do it again. Then he turned around & lived with his second wife before they were married! "Do as I say, not as I do" just doesn't work! People learn by your example, not your words. The daughter went on to marry the guy after they lived together for awhile, & nothing bad happened from living together first, by the way. I think "Sunday Christians" are some of the worst as far as nothing but talk. You know, the kind that quote the Bible at you & go to church every Sunday, then go around spreading malicious gossip about anyone who doesn't do like they claim to do. The time I had the most surprising religious influence on someone was a very dark time in my life that ended in a nervous breakdown. I certainly don't remember ever talking about God, although I did wear my cross necklace every day. About 4 years later I ran into the guy I'd been dating at the time & he told me excitedly about how his life had changed because of me! He said I'd inspired him to serve God. Amazed, I asked how I'd possibly done that & he said it was because of my quiet, unwavering faith! It was something that had simply shown from within me, & I was totally unaware. But something in my actions spoke above all else. Each time I've had the most spiritual impact on someone was when I wasn't trying. God uses us best when we get involved the least, at least as far as most people & preaching goes. Few of us are called to preach & spread our own beliefs. Most of us are called to lead by example.
Just after the turn of the century (doesn't that sound strange) I finally began to truly believe in the power of intention because I saw it in action. It's the personal power each of us has - intention. Once I saw it enough to believe in it, I started using it in a limited capacity. I sweetly & persistently asked for what I wanted. I was friendly, I networked because that's natural to me, & started making things happen. That's exactly what personal power is & it's available to all of us - the power of intent. I don't yet use it effectively in all areas of my life all the time, but I'm learning. One thing to remember - you can only use intent for yourself. You can't cause anyone else to do anything by asserting your will or intent. So when you exercise intent, don't put limits on it by detailing how to get to the outcome you desire, & don't involve specific others. Also, it doesn't work on anything that could harm you or others. And, be patient & stick with it. I wanted all the excess furniture out of my house by the end of August & started posting things on Craigslist. Only one thing sold, so I had to renew the postings each week. Now I'm starting to get responses. It didn't happen in my chosen time frame but my landlord removed my need to have things cleared out by September & things are starting to sell. It's taken intetion, work, & patience but it's happening. I also had to lower my prices, which meant letting go of some of my expectations for the outcome. This is just a minor example, something that won't matter greatly in the long run but matters to me. Someone was talking about Invetro Fertilization & the chances of it working. Often it doesn't work until the 3rd try & most people don't stick with it that long! That's a really big thing to not persist in & work toward! Next post, what I've learned.
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