Everything is Beautiful

I know a lot of the words to this Ray Stevens song from the 1960s or 70s by heart. It's been one of my favorite songs ever since I first heard it. "Everything is beautiful, in it's own way. Like a starry summer night, or a snow-covered winter's day. And everybody's beautiful in their own way.
Under God's heaven, the world's gonna find the way. There is none so blind as he who will not see.
We must not close our minds; we must let our thoughts be free. For every hour that passes by, we know the world gets a little bit older. It's time to realize that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. We shouldn't care about the length of his hair, or the color of his skin. Don't worry about what shows from without, but the love that lives within. And we're gonna get it all together now; everything gonna work out fine. Just take a little time to look on the good side my friend, And straighten it out in your mind. And everything is beautiful in it's own way. Like the starry summer night, or a snow-covered winter's day. Ah, sing it children! Everybody's beautiful in their own way, Under God's heaven the world's gonna find a way." All I've done here is cut out a chorus & the way it trails off in the end. Otherwise, I've included the whole song because it's all important.

This song came back to me during the visions I received Tuesday afternoon. I started out talking with God, telling Him I want it all. He gave me a "knowing" before I was done talking. I can have it all, do it all, be it all. That was part of the knowing. It's all in the works was another part. I was given a "knowing" of what my work/path is & will be. A huge & beautiful peace & assurance came down over me & flooded me. All is well, it's all good. Everything that's ever happened is a part of the plan, including the childhood abuse & the abuses of my last husband, even my present circumstances. There's never been any doubt or danger, any time I wasn't safe because God has always been with me, had His Hand on me. And He gave me a quick glimpse of those times, even as a very young child, when I knew that. All the little things that were annoying me, like waiting for phone calls from my boyfriend & for an interview for the job I want, & the terrible itch of the poison ivy, were suddenly gone. Now, I have to say they all returned later that day. We just don't have everything magically disappear & never return. But at the time I felt a peace & assurance like I've never known in my life. All the things I tell you in these blogs about how we're taken care of, the power of God & such, was so perfectly confirmed for me. Everything I "know" was entirely validated at that moment.

While I was still covered in this & processing, I got a phone call & agreed to a meeting alone at my home. When I got off the phone I realized I didn't feel entirely safe, so I asked Archangel Michael for extra protection. I already ask him for protection, including through the night, as I start each day but I was uneasy for some reason. As soon as I asked him, he sort of appeared before me! I didn't see him, I perceived him. I got a sense of him standing in front of me, almost visually saw him. I sensed his tremendous height & wing span. It's funny, but I never think of him with wings, think of him physically at all. Angels only take form when they need to. When I talk with angels I don't picture them as anything but beings, I now realize. I'd heard of his gigantic height & wing span but never once thought of it. I realized that his wings are like armor & that with his size & wing span, all I have to do is stand near him & when he enfolds me in his wings I'm entirely protected. You can't even see me in there! And he did this to tell me that he'd indeed protect me & to give me a true sense of just how protected I am. Now I have no doubt that he's my main personal angel. Something made me doubt that recently. The guy who brought me to Reiki sensed Michael when Pam was with me at Christmas time & has never sensed him just with me. So I wondered if the reader who told me he's been with me through many lifetimes was wrong. I certainly don't have any doubts now, because that was also why he appeared to me. (Please note that we each have a personal angel that is assigned just to us as I understand it, but that the archangels serve many. So if you think Michael is one of your personal angels, you're probably right too.) When the meeting happened, I was perfectly safe, by the way. I have no idea nor do I care whether I would have been safe all along or whether Archangel Michael diffused the situation. What mattered to me Tuesday, in the end, was the wonderful vision & reassurances, one right after the other. I was blown away. By the way, I'm sure I'll think of Michael's wings each time I think of or talk with him from now on!

2012 is going to be a whirlwind of change, & it's on the verge now, with Spring. It's like the trees, bushes & flowers. The buds appear & you see them for a time, then they suddenly burst forth in all their glory. It's coming! This is a time of preparation, a time to get our house & lives in order before the whirlwind begins. It's time to prepare yourself, learn, heal, release. It's time to do all you can with everything you can.

Beyond My Wildest Dreams

I want it all! It turns out I want fame & fortune, best sellers, a spot on Oprah. I want to do it all, be it all, have it all. I want to have a showing of my art & sell paintings. I want to touch many lives in a powerful way, to help as many people as possible change their lives for the better. I want to heal & help animals & people full time. I want to work in herbal medicine, spin cat hair into beautiful yarn for people & knit personal garments for them. I want my own yarn shop, & a shop called Cattitude that's all things cat. I want to work from home & travel as a motivational speaker & teacher. I want to save all cats, elevate their status all over the face of the entire earth. I want to play with baby tigers. And I want to marry again & have exquisite sex & have it often. I want every touch to be part of the loving, it all to be our foreplay, for it all to blend. I want to live the passions I've been given - sexual, & all my "hobbies." Because none of my hobbies truly all that - they are passions. I want to be loved more than I've ever been in my life by a man who treasures & empowers me, shares with me rather than takes from me. I want unconditional love by a man who respects me, who I am, what I do. I want him to share in the adventures before me & I want all the fullness of all those adventures. I want abundant blessings & prosperity from the things I do. I want exquisite throughout all areas of my life, & balance, abundant health & physical youth (as in, capabilities, capacity to do the things I want to do), wholeness, wellbeing. And I want it all here on earth, before I go Home.

Now I know exactly what my wildest dreams are. I could say more about my work here, my path, but I won't. That's pretty personal & close to my heart, one of the few things I won't reveal in these blogs.

I first remember that "beyond my wildest dreams" longing/yearning in the early 1990s. I think in many ways it's been there much longer. When I was 16 I had a vision of myself & my twin soul standing side by side at the beginning of time. I knew then that when we came together all my "jack of all trades master of none" conglomerate of various talents (but not enough of any one, is what I thought back then) would fall into place, make sense, work, come together.

Now I know it's not that I need that twin soul for that to happen. It's happening now, as my path is revealed & I'm moving forward with it. I've been moving forward with it since September 2010, in small ways at first, just by learning about Reiki. The guy who told me about & recommended Reiki attunement "warned" me that it would open me to things I'd never even dreamed of, would open worlds to me. He said to be sure I was ready & that's what I wanted. But all my life had led up to that & I absolutely was ready, so I took my first attunement before the middle of October 2010. And he was right in every way about the effect. I took my second attunement in November 2010. By January 2011 I was attending every Reiki Exchange & guided meditation given anywhere in Pittsburgh by my Reiki Master. I explored & learned all I could, with discernment, so some things were one-time experiences. With every event by my Reiki Master, my vibrational level was raised & the ultimate was when I took my Master level attunement last October.

I didn't quite understand what "beyond my wildest dreams" was until this past Tuesday. That was the result of my prayer after reading the wonderful affirmations I mentioned in yesterday's blog. Before that, it was entirely real to me, a quality/quantity I felt but couldn't define. I yearned for it so deeply that I felt it fully, "knew" it intuitively, but had no words for it. All I knew is that I'd know it when I found it. I came close once, & the word "exquisite" emerged at that time. After that I knew that was a part of it, yet settled for nothing near that in my second marriage. Just as I knew the man I married the first time was not my twin soul - I "settled" in ways both times. I thought my second husband was my twin soul & was so very wrong.

Now that I know what my wildest dreams are, can quantify & qualify it, I can manifest it. I do believe I'll have it here on earth. I do believe I can & will have it all! Everything is telling me it's on it's way, including today's tut.com message, which even uses the words "wildest dreams." Plus I keep getting messages from God &/or the angels. By the way, there's nothing wrong with wanting fame & fortune along with good things for others! We aren't put on earth to struggle & go without, it's just part of the learning process. If you're down & out you need to know that you contracted for the circumstances of your life before you were born. It's truly all good. It doesn't feel good, but it all works together for our ultimate good. Knowing that can really help you get through the times that just don't feel good at all.

Never Say Never, the 2 X 4 Effect

Recently my blogs seem to have changed, in the last 2 weeks or so. This is being written on Tuesday, just after reading the responses to yesterday's blog. The 2 people who responded, including the man I mention in the first paragraph yesterday, both said I'm shining. One said that I shine & listen openly. The other said, "and by the way, your light is shining!" After I read those, I read today's message from the Universe via tut.com & was further moved to tears, started when I read those responses. That sent me to my journal, which I now realize is a form of meditation. As soon as I started writing about what I'd just experienced & the tears & why I'm so often moved to tears lately, I was given the subject of this blog & my next ones. During the flow I stopped to talk with God & tell him that I want it all. You'll read about it in the one about my wildest dreams. During that talk, He revealed my life to me. Now I know I've always had Him with me, have always been in His care, in His Hands. I'm no longer concerned about the call for an interview for the job I want, the poison ivy spreading over my arms & hands & how I'd look at that job interview, or anything else. Tuesday's blog is about not fearing but that doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel concern or get preoccupied. It simply means that I swiftly deal with it. I was suddenly given such perception that I realize that all of it is just details, part of the illusion. I can't even put this into words for you but I was hit with a 2 X 4 of vision, assurance of the outcome, who & what I am & what my life is about. And that will possibly be another blog. I'm not sure what all I'll tell of this or what all I'll be able to put into words because the knowledge I was given & the depth is beyond words & highly personal, but I believe I'm supposed to share at least some of it.

I've been hit with several cosmic 2 X 4s lately. I had shut myself off from love & passion, & therefore was denying access to a vital part of me & my being. My 1st & 2nd chakras were blocked & so was my heart chakra. As a result, I've had dis-ease in my life that remained unhealed. Nearly a year ago I was told that there would be another husband & I practically reared up in my chair & said "oh no!" Ever since I've been saying "never." I would never marry again, I never wanted a mate again, couldn't picture being sexual again, never wanted to be touched again in that way. I'd shut the door & firmly wasn't looking. But a friend predicted it would happen a year from now. And another kept telling me it was coming & soon. And I just kept protesting, & tamping down each impulse to want that. As I said, I was blocking my own healing by walling off a huge part of myself. So I got hit with a 2 X 4. Sometimes these hits send us reeling & it really hurts. It's a painful lesson we've been avoiding learning & the only way to get to us is the wham us. In this case I was swept off my feet suddenly & totally. The man sent me an email, that's all. Just asked if I'm doing alright, was concerned based on my tone on Facebook. I've known him for 12 years but he's only been marginally in my life most of those years. I met him through my most recent ex, they were close friends. When he contacted me I was surprised, because most of those who were our friends never bother to contact me ever in any way. So I was completely honest with him in my reply email & when I didn't hear back for a week I thought he was gone again. I figured the honesty was too much for him, that his question was idle. But a week later when he emailed & said he's hurting too, that he needs me & maybe he can help me too, so of course I called him. I've cared about & for this man since the day we met, always wondered why I was with my now ex rather than him. He said the magic words when he said he needed me & to please call him. I thought I was simply reaching out to help him, find out what was wrong & what I could do for him. In fact, that's one of the first things I asked him.

What happened next floored us both. We got hit by the same 2 X 4. He says I swept him off his feet but I happen to think he did the sweeping. The real truth is, God is doing the sweeping on both of us. I am head over heels in love, more powerfully & swiftly than I ever have been before, ever. Never is now ever. I've had a lot to deal with lately, including handling the fears of feeling like this, all the issues that have come up, & the swift healing. Remember, healing often involves pain in the process, so the faster the healing & the more being healed, the more potential for discomfort while it's happening. My heart is suddenly so open & vulnerable, so overflowingly full. All my feelings & emotions that I'd kept so carefully guarded are on the surface & raw, the protections suddenly stripped away like a bandage. And this is what you're sensing in the latest blogs. I am scared & excited & giddy & happy & silly & playful & feeling anything & everything all at once, more powerfully than I ever have. Everything is accelerating now, as we move through the new energies of 2012. I thought I was ready & eager for that but boy is it a whirlwind to navigate!

This is not at all what I was looking for, but obviously the time was right even though it doesn't seem so. Both of our lives are so complicated right now, for one thing. I had my head down & was digging in to solving the situations in my life - looking for a job & the way to really get on with my life's work. But I opened this door, unwittingly. I'm the one who started working on manifesting "true happiness, with all the blessings, benefits, & abundance that is a part of that" or however I exactly say it. I never put "love" in there as one friend kept asserting because Mike Dooley says when you manifest happiness you manifest love, relationships, prosperity, family, friends, the whole thing, & I believe that. I went from a bunch of specifics to leaving it wide open to the Universe, but my thinking was on my need for abundance & prosperity. But I learned the lesson & didn't limit the Universe with details. The reason I was truly hit with a 2 X 4 is that I wasn't following my own advice as written in these blogs. I had closed off a vital part of myself & my talk was negative in the love & sex arena. I simply didn't picture myself with that element in my life ever again, despite some stray longings that I was tamping down, as I've said. I was closed down so I had to be hit rather than gentled into this. It's exposed tons of fears & doubts left over from past "mistakes," unresolved issues that need to be handled & healed. It's left me wide open.

Fortunately, we are never given more than we can handle. Truly! There's a physical distance between this man & me & I have no idea when & how we'll bridge that distance. It would take days of driving or hours of flying to bridge it, so we're not going to be face to face tomorrow or next week. That means I don't have to act on any of the issues right now. It gives me time to do my healing, to explore our relationship, to get to know him in a new way. I believe he's the one that was predicted, the one I did always know was coming. I know his heart & soul & I'm finding new depths all the time, a similarity of purpose & knowledge that blows me away. I lack some trust in myself & my perceptions because of past patterns, & that's part of the healing I need to do. Even writing about any of this is hard because of them. I believe I'm on the threshold of my wildest dreams coming true & right now I fear the disappointment & pain if I'm wrong about that, being hurt again, or heading into another disaster like I did in my last marriage. Even winning & success can be very scary. Often times failure or not trying is so much safer, the known vs. the unknown. But in the end, I'm a believer. I can't help but live my life out loud, especially now. The more I go on, & heal, the more I'm ready to dare to get there. My life is ultimately based on love, hope, belief, faith, & trust in the good of life & God. And I don't believe truly for a minute that He would dangle paradise in front of me only to say, "Opps - not for you. I was only messing with you." Think about that, please. God doesn't do that to us, ever. Every "mistake" is learning ground, & brings you further along your path to glory. Some "mistakes" I made with my ex led me to meet & be involved with this very man, bonded us. Part of the lesson here is that although I had one part of me as shut off as I could, I was doing what I was supposed to do. I was working to clear the problems in my life, being there for others & reaching out to them, being responsive to the needs of others, & had opened myself & my life to all the manifestations of good the Universe offers.

This has been hard to even write about. I truly don't know what will happen tomorrow, this week, next month, between us. I know the quality & quantity of the love he has for me. I know his soul & intent, but not whether this relationship will ever come to fruition. So declaring it in this blog is rather scary, especially this early. I'm not entirely sure he is the one for me. So many people don't even believe in such things but I do. I believe there's someone I'm to share it all with, including my life's work. Mike Dooley often talks in the messages from the Universe about the plan we set in motion before we're born but in his books sounds like there's no such thing. But I know I set a plan before birth & that I have a mission here on earth. I know that whoever "he" is will be a part of that, although I was told he wouldn't be aware of it prior to our joining. I also know that as much as I may love anyone, & I have & do love several men to varying degrees, I can't be with someone who will not share & participate in this most important part of my life. My life is truly about MY work. I'm nowhere near being ready to retire, don't believe I ever will retire - my work is just starting. There's one man I've loved as my dearest friend for 22 years, have known him for 32 years. I explored having more with him, but he's ready to retire & wants me to be his playmate & I can't do that. Perhaps that's the entire reason why the latest attempt at romance fizzled. There's another that I've loved for 21 years & did have a romantic relationship with, have had trouble leaving behind. I can't have a life with him either. His life is set & he doesn't want it to change. It isn't a life I could fit into, & he'd have to give up too much to be with me. So I've been able to get practical about that, to emotionally give up & move forward. I know absolutely that it's not meant to be, will not happen & shouldn't. Fortunately, I haven't even set eyes on him in 12 years so that made it easier to be practical. What develops in this new relationship remains to be seen. At worst, I've opened & done a tremendous amount of healing. I've started writing my life story, as I've been told by the angels to do. And I realize that I do want it all, want the happily ever after. That said, I totally realize that happily ever after is an illusion too, because all relationships involve work & some conflict, compromise, & problems. I'm a realist along with being a believer, which is a very good thing.

Some Thoughts on How to Not Live in Fear

The friend I mentioned yesterday who twice asked me how I do it is drowning in a fear-based life. For example, he lives in fear that he won't be prepared. He's a smart man but over thinks everything. He has all his receipts & business papers in triplicate in case he needs to produce one, but couldn't find them if he needed them because he has too many papers.

I don't live a risky life but I also don't live in fear. I'm smart about what I do. For example, I don't leave my door unlocked, my purse in the grocery cart when I step away, etc. I take precautions to protect the cats & me within our home. I'm careful, but not fearful. I trust the Universe, God, people, myself. I'm realistic in my trust of others & myself. I know myself well enough to know how far I can trust myself. I've put protections in place to cover my weaknesses. For example, I have a place for things I so I don't have to go looking for them, & I try to always put things away where I'll be able to find them. I try to pay attention to what I'm doing so I don't do something stupid when I'm distracted. And I learn from my mistakes. For example, I fell off a step ladder in January, because I wasn't paying attention after many times up & down. And I realized I've done that before. I get so busy that I actually forget I'm at the top, on a step ladder! Now that I know that, I know to limit the amount of time I spend on a step ladder, & my own potential problem with that. But I don't mount a step ladder with fear. I do it now with the understanding that I have to pay better attention. I know myself & when I can & can't trust myself. I still make mistakes but I don't live in fear of them. Instead, I work to manage them.

I have trust & faith, & live my life that way instead of living in fear. I know my part is to do all I can every day I can with all I have to do & work with. I do my part. I'm a very hard worker & I work smart, am organized & calm. I trust myself & my knowledge & abilities, trust that it's enough to make things work. I trust the Universe & God & others to do their part too, to do the rest. I trust in the workings of things. I use the laws of the Universe to my advantage, & other people too. Yes, I said I use people. I do. But I also allow others to use me, & I use them without taking from them that which isn't freely given. So it's not the same thing as being a "user." I've learned to ask for help & accept the gifts because I know I'm a giver who must also be a receiver. Most of all, I don't live in fear because I trust myself to be able to handle whatever life brings my way, whatever happens. Some things are much easier than others to handle or bear but I trust myself to be clever, resilient, & to work my way out of any trouble, with or without the help of others. I've overcome so much so I know that I can. Self confidence & trust is the opposite of fear. I know that I can survive just about anything, & if not, I die, & I don't fear that either. I have faith that I'll only die when it's my time, that I'll move into the beautiful afterlife, & that it will be glorious. So I don't fear when or how. I "fear" piders, nakes, & ees (bees), but not too much to get piders out of my house or stay away from flowers. I don't fear failure because I know it's a step toward success. Without fear, I live life to the fullest, put myself out there, & the rewards are so great. Without fear, I'm able to "live out loud," with tut.com audacity & belief that all goods things are coming to me. And they are. They flow to me naturally. And this is another answer to that friend about how I do it. I refuse to live in fear & therefore it doesn't restrict me. Fear restricts us more than anything else in our lives. I refuse to live that way. And because of this, I actually live in relative safety. I have precautions in place, like locking the door, paying attention to myself & my surroundings, asking Archangel Michael for protection each & every day. I have people & angels who watch over me daily. And I have the power of positive thinking. We draw to us what we put out there. I don't put fear out there so I don't have causes to fear coming to me. I put out there that I'm safe operating in the world, giving to others, sharing with others & I reap what I sow.

I trust in goodness, & I recognize it, glory in it all around me. I no longer have to have the answers to have faith, no longer need to know the hows & why. I don't need to know how things work to know that they do. I've learned a lot about the workings & the answers, all I can so far. Yet so much we have to just take on faith. I have no idea of the technology at work in computers but I know how to use one anyway, have faith that when I hit "save now" this blog will be saved so I can post it. Yet I've learned to take precautions too. I've learned that I can't always trust the whole blog to post. So I've learned to copy the post & check it, how to repost

This blog is being written on Monday, started just after posting the other, & I find I'm not done on the subject of networking. I just spent about a half hour on Facebook. I went on to check as I do daily during the week at least, & a friend I haven't talked with in quite awhile was on so I said hi. Facebook is wonderful for keeping in touch because it has the private "chat" feature. We caught up & she gave me several job leads. I've gotten a lot of leads through friends that keep in touch through Facebook. I live alone but I'm never alone. I don't have a car right now, but since I've moved to Pittsburgh in closer proximity to my network of friends, I have a thriving social life. I don't get out much yet but we stay in contact through texts, phone, emails, & Facebook. I make sure they know I'm looking for a job, my circumstances, so they can help with whatever they hear & know. That's the essence of networking. You have to be a possibility thinker, be a giver, & be open & creative. I know a friend who needs some business help right now & he needs the kind of services that I'm great at, so we're both thinking of ways I can help. And if it doesn't lead to immediate reward for me, it will reward me still in so many ways. It will add to my skills & abilities, give me the satisfaction of helping, & pay off in some way in the future. That's trust & faith that when you put good out there, good returns in greater measures than you've given. That's what I know & believe, have recognized & seen in action. That allows me to give without worrying about compensation or return, is part of how to live without fear.

Part of what I was doing during that time on Facebook was following through on a lead she'd given me, contacting another Pittsburgh friend who's a proof reader for possible leads on work I can do. In his latest book, Mike Dooley says to do all you can, keep pitching to the Universe so it can hit the home run. You don't have to be a home run hitter, all you have to do is keep pitching, & of course try to aim it a little. That's what I'm doing with the leads that have come from networking with my friends. That's what I talk about when I say to do all you can do each day, do the work in front of you. You never know which ball thrown is going to be hit out of the park. And if you really miss the mark with some but keep throwing, the Universe it going to have more possibilities to work with. Also, you get better at it as you keep trying. Cleaning out the litter boxes each day isn't going to get me a job or prepare me for one. But it's part of the work I have to do faithfully each & every day. Same with the dishes. But each task prepares you in some way & keeps you active & out there, & that's what's needed. It's all important, & part of living without fear. I don't have to worry about someone including my landlord dropping in on me or scramble if I'm having company because I maintain things, do my job. Part of why I have self respect & trust in myself is that I do it all, handle my responsibilities whether I see direct rewards from it or not. I know my part - do all I can do every day with what I have & what's before me to do. I take every opportunity to help others & make my world & the world around me a better place. I know I'm doing my part & that it will bring unexpected rewards. Who knows who I might meet & with what reward while taking the used kitty litter to the garbage can? If nothing else, I know that faithfulness keeps them using the boxes & not the house! Every task also brings it's own rewards. And the cats know they can trust me. The Universe knows it can trust me. I know I can trust me. And faithfulness to the small things leads to taking responsibility for the bigger things, & means that the little things don't pile up on you & hinder or burden you. That's another huge source of fear. If you know you aren't doing the things that you need to, you live in fear because you know at some point it's going to come back & bite you. You just don't know how badly, & you live in fear. The solution is to take responsibility for the big & small things so you don't have to fear.

The highest functioning adults keep it simple & turn to others to do the things they aren't capable of or as good at. They know their capabilities, are honest with themselves, do what they do best & rely on others for the rest. They don't try to be lone wolves. The most successful business people don't do their own secretarial or office management work, their own taxes or plumbing (unless they're plumbers). Where we get into difficulties is by operating as if we know it all & can do it all, charging forward without taking into account past mistakes, our patterns, etc. The Universe can use even our mistakes for our good if we learn the lessons & move on. Where we continually get into trouble is when we don't pay attention & learn, repeat our patterns. One universal law of the way the world works is that the lessons get harder & the consequences tougher to take when we don't learn, change, & grow. So one way to not live in fear is to set your intent & purposefully look at yourself & your life, the choices you've made & the consequences. Then, take the lessons to heart & start making healthier choices. You know the outcomes will be different when you change your behaviors, that like begets like so wiser choices mean more successful outcomes.

P.S.

Another important part of networking is being part of the network yourself. I intimated this but didn't come out & say it. For example, later today I'll be editing an application for the son of a dear friend. I've never met him but she's such a dear friend & so much a part of my life that I love him like a son. I'm the best editor she knows so she had him send me this very important application for editing, knowing I'll do it with all the care & love & knowledge I have, as if it were for my own son. And I found this friend, who knows me better & helps me more than anyone else in my life, through networking. I "met" her on Facebook through the social networking involved in their games. I messaged her with friendliness & vice versa about our love of cats & caring for needy cats, got to know her heart. So when she expressed (again, that reaching out I'm telling you to do) some problems in her life, just hinted, I put myself out there & asked if I could help, said I'm a good & caring listener. And by the time she took me up on it, after several offers, I needed her as much as she needed me. We found so much in each other that we never would have known was there & we've used each other to completely support each other & transform our lives. She discovered Reiki because of me. I discovered angel cards because of her. The other night when I was freaked out by something in my life, she calmed me & helped me think it all out, get rid of my fear & move on. That's the true power of networking.

How to Network for Best Effect

I have a friend who has twice asked me how I do it. Once he asked me how I know all the latest going on with the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, & how I know all the guys so well. The second time he commented on how I know so many people, especially in the Pittsburgh metaphysical community. I have about 60 friends in Pittsburgh & many more Facebook contacts that I've never met or spoken with. I was kind of floored by the first question, for once at a loss for words. All I could come up with for an answer is that I make it my business to know what's going on with the Inner Circle & the Groundhog Club. It's my passion, & I think the world of the men in the Inner Circle. I like them, respect them, love having contact with them. I always go deeply into my passions, make it my business to know all I can about the subject, & the people involved. I watch people, listen well, participate. And I'm very assertive. I'm never aggressive, but I'm always assertive. I introduce myself to each new Inner Circle member, learn their names & faces, talk with them at every opportunity. I go up to them & welcome them. Whenever I encounter a member of the Inner Circle, I greet & speak with them, ask them about their families & businesses or whatever. I'm friendly & outgoing & don't wait for them to see me or speak to me. These men are very social, involved with & love the town, love to have contact with people. So I've become an insider over time. Most of them know my name. They all know my face at least, know they've seen me over & over, that I'm a regular, a participant. I don't just do Groundhog Club things, I participate in events in Punxsutawney & get involved. When I lived 40 minutes away before my move to Pittsburgh, I was a member of the art association there, even secretary. I was involved in the summer parade float, art shows & meetings, other community events. I went to Christmas open houses, local businesses, saw & was seen. When you do these things, put yourself out there, you develop more & more contacts & knowledge. So I'm known & liked in Punxsutawney & have some good friends there, as well as in Pittsburgh.

The answer to Pittsburgh is that again, I got deeply involved. I began coming to Reiki Exchanges, metaphysical classes, a metaphysical fair, & guided meditations in October of 2010. I came to Pittsburgh about 3 times a month for these things, sometimes more. I was an active participant, again. I reached out to others & shared, cared. I kept in touch with those I came to care about. I don't wait for people to contact me. I reach out to them regularly. As a result, it goes both ways. I have friends who reach out to me when they haven't heard from me in awhile, & with so many friends, I'm never without love coming my way, & contact. I receive emails, phone calls, etc. I get back what I give out. Most people don't have 50-60 friends period. I'm not talking acquaintances, I'm talking people who love & care about me to varying degrees, whom I care about. It's because I give & share, am outgoing, & maintain these relationships. It's also because I'm connecting with the right kind of heart-centered people. And this is what drew me to Pittsburgh. I have more going here than in Punxsutawney, which was the place of my heart. I met my soul family here in Pittsburgh through my Reiki Master's group of "followers."

I put myself out there all the time, with everyone. I simply love people, love helping them, care for them. Early this afternoon I met a young woman at the bus stop. She is transforming her life, ended up telling me a brief version of her life story, & I told mine. I gave her my card because she's the kind of person I love to help. She's already doing the work, & I can help her refine that. Whiners are those I cut lose as soon as I figure that out but I love to help people who are already helping themselves. I made sure she knew I won't charge her anything, because she's not one who can pay. The Universe will pay me, does. Already I carry with me the sweetness of all she said to me about how proud she is of me for the kind of person I am after what I've been through, how many become bitter instead of sweet, & how I'm changing my life. She's currently a stranger but she could tell, & that means a lot to me. I'm praying for a man I met outside before an interview with a staffing agency a few weeks ago. The payoff is, the more I give & care the more my heart expands & love comes my way too, all my emotional needs met. And there are cosmic payoffs I don't even see yet. It's that "pay it forward" thing. You often don't directly benefit from anyone you help other than feeling good, but you then benefit from others. The more you put yourself out there with & for others, the more rewards come your way. A friend is taking me to dinner one night this week, the same one who asked those questions. He takes me out fairly frequently, & is again giving me 18 days worth of canned cat food, a few days before I'd run out of the last 18 days worth he gave me. I do different things for him - coach him on things & sometimes do Reiki work on his cats & things. One new friend came & paid me a visit & bought us a pizza. I haven't done anything for her but talk with her, share some of my knowledge & did a card reading for her. She brought me a big bag of cat food too, a big box of kitty litter, a great toy for the cats, & kitty grass to plant for them! I took a friend to the dentist twice recently & he let me use his car for my errands & a job interview. The list goes on. I'm "down & out" these days in my circumstances & yet I'm so not because of the payoffs for caring for others as I do.

One of the biggest things I do to network is my daily angel & god & goddess work. If you read the blogs about it in December I think it was, you'll read about what I do. I wrote out the specifics. My day really begins during that time. I start with prayers, & have transformed my prayers as per the one blog last week, I think on Wednesday or Thursday. Now I thank God for doing things for me & others, healing & helping in our lives, instead of asking for His help. I'll let you know what I see as a result. Then I read my "I Am" statements & manifestation statements. Then I greet the angels & guides in my life, with love, & invite them to identify themselves to me as they help me, ask for a more personal relationship with each. (I actually need to do some meditations to facilitate that.) I want the same kind of relationship with them that I've developed with others here on earth. Then I do my angel work, as I think of it. As outlined back in December, I ask specific beings, angels & gods & goddesses, for help in specific areas. In this case, asking is all that's needed. They're poised & ready, but because of free will we have to ask. I feel the power of doing this each day. That's usually when I'm given the blog topic for the day. It's when I start to feel the energy I need to do get me through the tasks of the day, no matter what they are. It's when my full beliefs set in, of the goodness, energy, rewards. It's when my energy & power, love, belief, & faith jumps into high gear each day.

No man is an island, meaning no one is self-sufficient. We can be whole within ourselves, but we need community. Man is a community animal, a pack animal. No one person can do & be it all. I don't need any one person to be whole or functioning, but I need all the people who are fully in my life. You need to truly know yourself & be completely honest with yourself about your own strengths & weaknesses & needs. Then you need to put your strengths out there to help others & draw to you the ones who are strong in the ways you aren't, who can supply what you need. Someone dear to me just told me he's a great sales person but not a good businessman. I'm only a great sales person when it's something I truly love, like Tupperware. But I'm a great business woman, & I'm willing to help him. He needs help from someone with a great business head who's really good with people, & that's me. I know my strengths & weaknesses, & how to use my strengths fully to help myself & others. I seek those who are strong in the areas I'm not, & those who know more than I do. Mike Dooley talks about going to those who've accomplished & excelled at what you want to do successfully & ask them how they did it. Rightly, he says they're nice, & willing to share. That's one of the things I'm not afraid to do. That's part of how I put myself out there. It's a little like what I do with the Inner Circle guys. I'm not afraid or at all shy about asking questions & that's how I learn so much about what's going on.

So, the keys to networking effectively are this. Know your strengths & weaknesses so you can trade on your strengths to help others & call on others for help based on their strengths that aren't yours. Be assertive & outgoing. (If you are shy, you can still do this. It just takes more effort for you to do it. I was telling the same guy that he's got to step out of his comfort zone a little, really extend himself. If you always stay within your comfort zone, you'll keep going in the same circle, the same rut. You don't have to step way out but you have to regularly step out of it, in all areas. Whatever you restrict, refuse to open up to, will remain a block & a block in any area affects all areas of your life. I never step hugely out of my comfort zone but I regularly step out in baby steps & in bigger ones when necessary. It hasn't killed me! And the benefits are huge, have gotten me where I am.) Get involved, deeply - with others, & in your areas of interest. Get out there & take action. Draw others to yourself who have within them what you need, have in their lives what you need in yours. Ask those who have made it in whatever way you want to, how they've done it. Give of yourself often & regularly. Believe, set your intent, & take action. If you want more friends, set that intent & take action. Go out & be friendly, join a group of people that share your interests or needs, volunteer, whatever. This principle will apply to anything you want more of in your life. And definitely ask the angels for their help. We all have them.

The final piece of advice is to learn to consciously network in your life. I know who to call on when I have questions about anything mechanical. I ask for everything. I do all I can do on my own but I know my limitations & never hesitate to ask for help or advice. When I wrecked my car I had no experience with the decisions I had to make, so I called the one person I know who has lots of experience in that & got valuable advice. When you live as a networker, when you put that out there & live it, people give you recommendations all the time. I talk with people about things all the time. Before I moved I was at the post office & mentioned that I needed my washing machine repaired. The Postmaster had a relative who did that on the side, so for a lower cost. My landlord told me of someone who does washer & dryer repair when I found that my dryer is electric & there's only a gas hook up. He wasn't able to help me but I asked if he's able to get good deals on replacements & he is. People love to help by telling you of services they've used & service people they like. But if you don't talk, if you aren't friendly & outgoing, they won't know to give you these references. If you're someone who is friendly & consciously out there, you gain all kinds of knowledge either as soon as you need it, or you have it ahead of your need. Which brings me to Facebook. The same guy who wanted to know how I have so many friends & know so much is afraid of Facebook. He feels it's dangerous to personal security & privacy & is a huge waste of time. I personally use Facebook fully & never waste any time on it. I spend an average of 5 minutes a day on it, but use it fully. I see what my distant relatives are up to & my local friends, make a few comments as a way to keep in touch, & use it to network when I need local information or general information. I'm not worried about privacy issues because I'm as smart about that as I am about using my time with it. I don't put anything too personal on there, & I'm not paranoid about identity theft. If someone mentions my mother's maiden name I'm not worried about that being a common security question. I understand that no one is going to make the connection who then has access to anything that uses it. I also don't actually use her true maiden name for those questions, so that's another reason not to worry. I don't live my life from a place of fear so I'm not too cautious to get out there in the world. I use the social networking sites for just that & more, for all my networking needs. I use it, is the key. It doesn't waste my time - only I can waste my time. I have the control on that, including others wasting my time. I manage myself, my life, my time, my networking, & as much as possible, I don't allow myself or others to waste any of it. The opposite of fear is taking control & responsibility for yourself, your actions, & you life, & being proactive.

Blog Results & Notes

Last night my dear friend Pamela called me. She's my Groundhog Day BFF. She too was married on Groundhog Day & we were seated together at the annual banquet possibly in 2007. We bonded immediately because she too loves Punxsutawney & wanted to move there, loves the whole Groundhog Day festivities & experiences, comes every year. Her marriage ended a year plus before mine & by then we were totally bonded. She emotionally supported me when my son had his second tour of Iraq as a soldier, knew how to because she had a step-son in the military. We've been there for each other through divorces, moves, transitions. She came down from New York & helped me move into this house even though she'd just made a major move of her own! And she's come to stay with me & participate in Groundhog Day for the last 2 years now. I was able to help her reclaim our favorite holiday & make it her own.

When she called me last night we didn't have a great connection, cell phone to cell phone, & she was excitedly thanking me for writing yesterday's blog for her. She had been stressing for about 2 weeks over getting a mortgage for the house she wants to buy, but I didn't know that. We don't talk all that often. Recently someone in her bank's office told her she wouldn't qualify for the mortgage she needed, for one thing. Yesterday morning someone spiritual & close to her told her God wouldn't dangle the perfect house in front of her & then take it away. Then she read my blog, & started praying to thank God for the house as if it was already a done deal. Then she went into the mortgage office & got her mortgage! Of course she was excited, & she was calling to thank me even more than to give me the news. As we talked, I realized that yes, I had written that blog for her. Yesterday morning I was given 2 different blog topics but when I went to write the day's post, I didn't write either of the ones I'd just been given.

Yesterday & today I've had a great deal of excitement in my life, work to do, opportunities, & thoughts, avenues. Following up on just one of these, the tut.com statement from the day before & the one I wrote, led to the blog I wrote yesterday & pushed the others to the future. Last night then dictated today's blog.

As happens, "all of a sudden" everything is "firing on all cylinders" at once, starting to happen & my life is so exciting & full. I am so very busy pursuing them in the order of importance. Rather than being overwhelmed by too many possibilities or having my head swirl, I'm full of giddy excitement, laughter, & intense activity. I'm so very excited about what's opening up in my life.

Last night I was on the phone a very unusual amount for me, most of the night. I talked with the wonderful woman who's going to be my daughter-in-law, my son, & Pamela in separate conversations, & several others. Each of the 3 people mentioned thrilled me by telling me they're proud of me. That's one of the most wonderful things anyone can say to me, especially in the past couple of years. When I found out my ex was stealing all my mother's money, I felt guilty by association. How might I have facilitated his crime? How did I not know? I've been living in one of the lowest states of my life since the end of 2009 as a result of his actions & where it's left me in life, the repercussions to my life. But as my first ex said to me at the time, what matters is what I do now, not what happened. What matters is how I handle myself from here on out. I set out to make my children proud of me, most of all. I decided to take on full responsibility for fixing the messes, even though they weren't of my making & were pretty overwhelming. Now, in my mind I have 4 children - the 2 I gave birth to & their spouse & "to be" spouse. And last night 2 of my 4 told me I'd succeeded in my biggest goal - they're proud of me! I consider my son's fiance to already be my daughter-in-law (DIL), so you know that here & in future posts. She's proud of me for how I've transformed my life & how happy I am despite current circumstances. She delights in this. My son told me he's proud of how I'm sticking to my budget & being so wise with my resources. Pamela told me she's proud of how I'm handling my life, my situation, proud of my attitude overall & toward riding the bus & coping. These were all high praise from people that truly matter to me. Their respect greatly matters to me. Others have told me this. My daughter has friends who have cared enough to tell me this! My daughter has said it to me too. But this is the first time I heard it 3 times in one day!

I am reaping what I've sown. I sow love, care, kindness, gentleness, healing, & support in abundance, along with all other good gifts. Over the winter it seemed that all I was getting back was problems, one after another. I haven't had such a long string of unfortunate seeming events in years! "Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning." That's somewhere in Psalms, & that's a memorized quote from the King James version. There's an old Richard Chamberlain movie, "Joy in the Morning" that pointed me to that scripture when I was a teen & so needed it. I've been a huge Richard Chamberlain fan since his "Doctor KildareReiki Exchanges that reach out to me, share their love & care of me, keep tabs & touch base with me, express their caring. One sent me an email telling me she included me in the energy circle at the last Reiki Exchange. I miss attending, seldom missed one for more than a year until I wrecked the car. I gave of myself to the others in the group & bonded & the love & care they have for me continues, they stay in contact with me. I have more friends in Pittsburgh alone than most people have all over - friendships with different levels of contact, love, & attention but all of great value to me. And there are certain people who are absolutely there for me in my "troubles," doing for me & offering to help. They give me job leads, cat food, rides, & support, love. I am one of the most blessed women alive!

Tut.com Audacity

Yesterday's message through tut.com was very powerful. I'm going to alter my prayers for self & others based on it. Instead of asking God, I'm going to simply start thanking Him. Here's the message. "It's wise never to ask another for what you want, Jenny Lea. No, don't ask me. No, not even yourself. Just give thanks, in advance. As if you already had whatever it is the 'old you' would have asked for. Oh, & by the way, thanks for loving every fiber of your supernatural self, as much as I do. Tallyho, The Universe. 'Old-you,' that's funny, Jenny Lea. Here, anyone under 21,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 still gets carded." Everyone who gets the messages gets the same message but believe me, the message is personal to you! In my prayers of gratitude to start the day I've been doing that, thanking God as if I've already seen the manifestation. But I was still praying in supplication for myself & others in my next prayer of the day. I'm going to now transform that.

I've already transformed my manifestation statements & beliefs, & my "I Am" statements. As I've said, I've just finished reading Mike Dooley's (of tut.com) book on manifesting change & am now reading his latest, on leveraging the universe. And once I changed these things, it all started working big time, all at once. My outward circumstances haven't changed visibly but I now see everything in motion. And so last night I channeled my own message from the Universe. I could practically hear Mike Dooley's voice, just like when I read his books & the messages from the universe. First I heard, "You're welcome!" Then the full message came. "Jenny Lea, all your life you searched for love. All your adult life you yearned for love, joy, happiness, peace, fulfillment, & contentment 'beyond your wildest dreams.' And your heart is the wildest dreamer! The whole time you were dreaming & yearning, I was setting the stage, just waiting for the time when you would finally know you ARE worthy, would accept the gift. You're welcome! The Universe. P.S. Go ahead & just rip off the paper. We know you usually like to save it but there's more where that came from. This is just the first of many gifts."

I first came up with the title & idea for this blog in the Fall of 2011. A dear friend had to face her now ex in court for the divorce & he was launching psychic attacks on her in the night. She was very frightened. I told her we needed to come up with tut.com style, audacious affirmation statements she could read to herself as often as needed in the time leading up to the court date. We never did, because I was able to help talk her through it. Also, she works with angels & guides, & they helped her. But I've never lost the idea that I need tut.com style audacity in my thinking, beliefs, & self talk. Some of the messages are nearly over the top, so absolutely counter to the way we were taught to think & believe. They are playful & fun, but definitely get the message across in the most loving & memorable way. So far I've only had the one come to me & I don't feel the flow of writing them for my life yet, but I believe it's coming. So far I think they will be completely individualized for whatever I need to conquer in my life, as some of my "I Am" statements are. To get the flow started, I'm going to write "tut.com audacity" after my current manifestation statements. That way, when I read my statements I'll see that reminder, & my subconscious can begin working on them. Because I want to live my life with that kind of audacity & belief. I want to dare to have it all, be it all, dream it all & manifest it all!

Women Rule as Networkers

First I want to say something about "I Am" statements since I referred to them Monday & posted my new ones in the last week or so. There are plenty that I could have used that I don't. For example, I don't say anything, like one friend does, about being whole within myself, not needing someone else to complete me. That's because I whole-heartedly know that one, without doubt or reservation. It's already a total part of my knowledge of myself & my life, doesn't need to be reinforced ever. I know I "need" every person who is fully in my life yet I don't need any one individual, don't need any one person to be whole or functioning. Those who are writing or rewriting their "I Am" statements need to make them entirely about you & your needs. They need to reinforce things about you that you need to remember when those in the world tend to be jealous & tear you down. They need to be things you're insecure about, & things you want to become more of. They're statements of personal manifestation & remembrance of who you are & who you want to be. Jennifer is not my given name. Few know the name I was given at birth because I always hated it, & changed my name permanently & legally when I was 19. Before I took the legal step, I was suicidal for a period & a wonderful angel in my life named Cathy saved me from myself. She's no longer in my life. Sometimes people come into our lives just for a period, are there when we need someone, & then move on once the need is over. Sometimes we don't feel ready, as I feel about the one counselor who worked with me when I regained the full memories of my childhood & the abuse. There have been so many times in the last 20 years that I've wanted to talk with her & didn't know where she moved, had no contact information. But in the end, I've managed without her. She taught me all I tools I needed & for whatever reason, was no longer available to me afterwards. She had a baby, quit counseling, moved. That's the visible reason in her life. But there had to be a real reason in my life too - I just don't know it. But I got off the subject. After I got over that suicidal period, I mentally changed my name to Jenny (later legally to Jennifer) & decided, since I was going to live, to make myself into the best mental image of a Jenny that I could. I of course wanted to work within the bounds of who I truly am, so I explored myself & took myself down to the bare bones of who I am, my core characteristics, understanding. At that time I didn't remember my childhood so I wasn't dealing with any of that, only my core traits. I worked to understand who I really am & then to change what wasn't working & enhance what does. That's what "I Am" statements are about, but not as drastic. You can certainly use them if you're that low, but most writing them are fortunately not & never have been at that kind of low point. They're a tool for helping you be the best YOU can be, for enhancing the qualities you want & your belief in yourself, & self love & care.

Now to the main subject. Women are the original networkers! Men created things like the Masons, Rotary Club & other avenues of networking for business & some are very proficient at networking, but they mostly use networking for business or for personal services like where to find the best repair people & services. Now that the internet is a part of everyone's lives, there's an industry of network marketing opportunities, again mostly involving men. But women are totally about networking, & use it in all aspects of our lives. Our friends are a great example. Most women have a few or one very best friend whom we can talk with about anything & everything, but we also have a network of friends. I read about this in women's magazines & see it all over, have it in my life. We have certain friends for certain things, have categorized them consciously or not. We have a friend or friends in every category if we're in balance. Some are to go out & have fun with (bars, or dancing, or other specialized activities). Some are for exercising together, or gardening or other shared hobbies. Some are those we turn to when we need information or help with particular subjects. I know someone who is self published, for example. Women consciously & unconsciously draw to themselves the women we need in their lives before we need them. I connected with a woman who has alpacas & llamas, met her at an outdoor jazz concert. I was attracted by a publication on sheep & wool animals she was reading, used to read it myself. I went over & talked with her, instinctively knowing she was someone I'd want to know. Turns out she also spins wool into yarn & a few weeks later, when I was given the idea to spin cat hair for people, I contacted her. She told me where to get my spinning wheel & take lessons, opened the door to a whole world I'd only dreamed of before.

One of the biggest networks most women have is other women to turn to when we need to talk. Many of us have friends that will understand certain subjects better than another. We have a whole network of women who have experienced & overcome all of life's challenges as a collective. We know who to turn to about what. An example is a friend I met in the mid 1990s when I worked for the National Academy of Opticianry. She was briefly on the Board of Directors & I attended those meetings, interacted closely with all the Directors, had meals & meetings & social time with them. She & I really connected & found much in common, became very close very quickly & remained close. She is great at finding creative ways to make money while working part time at various jobs, I happen to know. So in August of 2010 when I realized I wasn't good at most network marketing jobs & hated the work I was trying to do, I contacted her for ideas. I also wanted my dear friend who wouldn't judge me. She was one of the first I told about the nightmare I was living with my now ex husband. She was my safe haven & very helpful.

Not only do women draw these other women into our lives, we tend to bond deeply & keep them close. We learn each other deeply, feel the strengths of each other, come together for mutual benefit over & over again. Some are only in our lives for a season & move on, but most tend to stick. The scene is set at the beginning & deepened over time, until the needs come in & the bloom of the friendship & relationship is harvested. Women are the ultimate communicators & empaths - we "feel" each other & know each other on the deepest levels. None of this is to say that some men aren't like this. There are plenty of men that have some favorable typically feminine traits & some women that lack in them. But we all honestly know that men & women just were not created to be the same.

Most women, like my friend from the Board of Directors, play multiple roles in our lives, but some are definitely "one trick ponies." Some are truly just for a fun night out. Most enrich our lives in many ways. So ladies, if you aren't consciously aware of this in your life, hopefully I've given you something to think about. And you men reading this, if you want to network more effectively for whatever reason, look at the women you know well & how they do it. Women have been doing this for centuries. They used to get together & share the chores, live in multi-generational households where the women shared the child care, cooking, etc. We carry that same spirit into today, some deeper than others. Personally, I've always been interested in having a cottage industry, which is sharing the work & all creating. I'm very conscious of sharing, community, & the value of networking in my life. If you look at many of my blogs with that in mind, you'll see it as a recurring thread.

Mediumship Experience

On Sunday I was invited to a wonderful mediumship event next door, told it was like John Edwards does. He's fascinating & I love channeled messages by those I know to be true & real, so I went. It was conducted by Sandra Davis & Dane Tarbi, & they'll be doing them monthly. The next one will be on April 15, I believe. Those in the Pittsburgh area can obtain information at the Angel Love Light Healing meetup.com group. Those who aren't local can also book private phone appointments with Sandy by going to her website, SandraBear.webs.com. I don't think it's case sensitive but I haven't gone to her website yet. I'm fortunate enough to live right next door to her so I have easy access. Sandy does all kinds of things, not just this event. She's a great healer, channels angels, etc. Even if you aren't local, you can go to her meetup group as above & see examples of all she does. Many things are available to those outside of Pittsburgh by phone.

I always have questions, am always seeking, & have taken classes to develop my psychic & mediumship abilities. I talk with angels, guides, & my departed loved ones every day. It's not at all like the scary ghost stuff you can see on TV. If those who passed were close & loving in life, they're unimaginably more so in the afterlife. Many of them walk with us & guide us, watch out for us. It's just a matter of being able to consciously tap into that, have the awareness. Those who wronged us in life & cross over, learn the lessons they needed to & no longer wish us harm so we're able to get closure if contact is made. A wonderful medium once channeled my departed father, he "came forward" to be heard when she was giving me a general reading. It was undoubtedly him. In life, he was not loving, giving of himself to me, or kind. I barely knew him or ever saw him & when I did he mostly kept me at a distance & had an agenda to straighten me out. From beyond, he expressed his regrets for that & how he treated my mother. He also told about how he understands now, & has come to know God & become enlightened. There's so much more to it than that, it was a personal & private conversation through the medium, which thankfully she recorded & sent to me. I'm just giving you an example.

I've had readings in the past year from 7 different psychics &/or mediums. Some of you don't know the difference, & many are both. Also, many claim to be & aren't. A psychic generally is someone who can tell you about your past, present, & future. Some can tell you about past lives, although that's a different skill set. Psychics generally can tell you about yourself & those in your lives. Some psychics channel angels &/or your teachers & guides. Mediumship generally refers to the ability to contact those who've crossed over into the afterlife. There's a lot of cross over abilities in most psychics & mediums who are real - most tend to be have a variety of abilities. Just please be careful who you listen to! Know the heart of your reader first! The woman who channeled my father has also been my regular teacher & she teaches that we should always aim to only provide help, Light & Love, use our gifts to truly help, do no harm. I've been fortunate enough to get readings mostly from those highly recommended to me, & some have started reading me the minute I walked up to talk with them! That's a truly exciting experience.

My very first experience was a flower seance, where the medium was led to give each of us a certain flower & was contacted by a loved one who told us, through her, why that flower. The woman channeled my paternal grandmother, who I never saw beyond when I was 2. I was told that she secretly worked with herbs, as a healer. I've had an innate desire, a great yearning toward "the ancient arts," "folk medicine," the old ways - meaning natural, wild harvesting of medicinal plants & working with them. It goes so deep that I'm interested in making natural dyes & using a variety of plants & vines in wreaths & basket making. I've felt this throughout my adult life. So I was very interested in what she had to say about the grandmother I never knew. My teacher once read for me, & one of the contacts is with a village herbal healer from Romania that I worked with in a previous life. He's a guide for me in this life, & that explained a lot to me. I forgot to ask her about my grandmother. So on Sunday I asked Sandy to contact her. Remember, I have the ability to contact my departed loved ones also, my own personal angels & guides. I talk to them every day & I receive regular guidance & messages. But my abilities haven't yet developed to the point that I'm able to discern who's helping me & giving me messages all the time. Certain ones come to me easily & I know it's them, like the grandparents I usually talk about. Most I'm not fully aware of yet. So Sandy & Dane both received my grandmother & I got all the information I sought at this time. I had her secret involvement with herbal medicine confirmed & more defined. I was told that she passes on her knowledge to me, is with me to work with me, & exactly how to start working with herbs. All that was missing was which herbs! That will have to come as I start moving forward with this. Again, I know it was her for sure because the information filled out & explained what I'd first been told. Part of how to know when messages are real is that you experience an "ah ha, so that's why" response, or they dovetail with things you already know.

I'll run the rest of what I received together. One of my challenges throughout my adult life is that I have a huge variety of under developed talents, skills, & interests. As with most creative people, I've gotten ideas & inspirations but haven't fully developed a lot of them, & I don't always finish what I start before I lose interest or the next big idea comes. For example, I need pockets & many of the things I wear don't have them. I've been working on an idea for comfortable, attachable pockets for years now. My brain doesn't work on it often but it comes & goes, stays with me for awhile each time the issue comes forward. Another example is the rug I started hooking in my early 20s & still haven't finished, or the counted cross stitch I started while pregnant with my son. I think I eventually threw it away. I forget how old he was before I gave up on it. I also started & couldn't complete one before my daughter was married. Now I stick to stamped cross stitch! The other thing I have to say is that even those of us who have psychic or mediumship abilities sometimes need help of our own. It's not always easy for us to get the clear messages we seek in our own lives. So that's the background here.

I wanted a message from Bonnie, my soul mate & teacher. She's the cat I mentioned along with my living ones last Wednesday. I also wanted anyone to come forward to give me a message of direction for my life's work. I have been just focused on getting a job, any job. I haven't been clear about what to hone in on for my own work, have been thinking of them as 2 entirely different things since I'm not making a living off the things I do. There are so many directions I could go in, so many talents & gifts I could be using so I've mostly not been using any lately. I've been stuck.

Bonnie came through! She said she's never left me & that she'll work with me & does. Also, she sleeps with me every night. I have no doubt about the message. Again, know who you're listening to, & weigh the message. She said when I felt that "breeze" it was actually her, which was confirmation to me that Sandy couldn't have possibly known. Her fur always felt like a random breeze when she brushed up against me.

The direction I was given is that my work with animals is what I'm most needed for at this time, & Reiki. I was told that the mediumship classes I've been taking are meant to further develop my abilities to communicate with animals that have crossed over, for the good of those who grieve them. It all ties together beautifully. I'm a healer, & an animal communicator & those work together. One of the things I've been honored to do is help some cats cross over into the afterlife. At the time that I do that, they go in peace & give me final messages for their person or people. I've also channeled messages from departed pets. I'm able to do Reiki on animals & people & regularly do. When I do Reiki on animals, they usually communicate with me & tell me of their needs, sometimes provide answers for their people. I've been able to connect with & help every animal I've done Reiki on, including a guinea pig & a squirrel. So I'm an animal healer, pet psychic, animal medium, animal communicator, & behaviorist. I'm able to help people understand behavior issues & help solve them, like you see on TV. Speaking of, I watch pet psychics on TV, pet behaviorists, as well as human oriented psychics & mediums. I'm always learning & growing by watching, honing my skills. I can absolutely help animals & that's my biggest heart calling, but I can also help people, through Reiki & through communication with their animals here & beyond. And Bonnie helps me, just as she did while she was in the flesh & fur. I'm also going back to spinning yarn, so that I can then practice spinning pet hair for people, especially cat fur (you collect it while brushing them, cleaning up, etc.). That's another way I can help people - spin their pet fur into yarn (yes, it's possible no matter what kind of pet, if it can be collected). Then I can knit it into a personal garment so you can wrap yourself in the warmth & love of your pet.

Thanks to the messages, I'm very excited about my work again & have new direction. I'm more in balance & I believe my job search will finally yield a job because I'm not concentrating on that & neglecting my life's work. While I was thinking "either/or" I believe I was blocking the flow. The evening spent at Sandy's house really supplied my needs! Thank you, Sandy, Dane, & the Universe!

State of the Blog & Life Address

When I first started this blog nearly a year ago I planned to promote my business & share helpful tips & ideas, recipes, etc. I wondered how I'd find enough to say every day, too. I'm reading Mike Dooley's newest book, "Leveraging the Universe." He says that you need to be active to leverage the Universe for manifestation. It doesn't matter what direction you start in, only that you begin moving forward. You don't even have to have determined your path or what you want at that point. Once you're in motion you can be redirected if needed, & you'll discover what you want if you don't already know. Leveraging the Universe first requires action. I can clearly see this in the blog. I started it with one intent & God took it over. Lately it's been highly personal but usually it's self-help & spiritual.

I don't usually know what I'll write about when I wake up. The topics usually come to me during my "devotion" time or even before, when I'm fixing my first cup of coffee, like today. At that point I haven't engaged my brain for the day, I'm sort of on auto-pilot. My subconscious is more at work at that point than my conscious mind, & it's most often working on the problems those closest to me are having, or issues in their lives. I know that when I sleep my brain continues to work on my problems & theirs, & when my subconscious is in control. I don't usually retain details about people at first - names of children, ages, where they've lived or such. I have to be told those things more than once, have to be in a certain state of conscious listening to retain that stuff. But I absolutely retain their problems & issues if they're significant in my life. I met a man named Leonard the other day & we talked on the street before I had a job interview. I said I'd pray for him, for good health he said. If he'd told me more than that I'd be adding it to my prayers for him but my subconscious wouldn't be working for him because we didn't exchange contact information. I wouldn't be able to help him further because I'll never see him again. Whereas I have a friend who had frequent bladder infections in December & one day my brain pulled up what I know she can do about it from my past. I didn't even know I was thinking about it, because it was my subconscious at work. Ladies, if you're sexually active & have this problem, just ask me. A doctor told me how to solve it & it works.

Anyway, this morning as usual, my subconscious was fixed on a friend & the topic for Wednesday's blog came to me, one on women & networking. Then this one came to me, & tomorrow's. What usually happens is once the idea is there, the blog starts writing itself before I get to the computer. I have the title & the essence of the whole thing, & the first paragraph or sentences completed before I start walking toward the computer. I have no idea how most writers write, whether it's the same for them. For me, the blogs write themselves. It usually then takes me about an hour per blog to get it all down. Sometimes I've given ideas for blogs but not the words, so I just post titles to fill in later. I have 5 - 10 waiting to be written. Sometimes I'm given several in a day, like today, with the words, so I write them in advance. Only once recently have I had to work at what I'd write about, & that was this past Friday.

In preparing for this blog I "had" to watch a portion of my favorite movie, "Groundhog Day." As it "happens," my remote isn't working right, I can't fast forward for one thing. So I "had" to watch the part where he tries to save the old man twice, & I cried each time. So part of the "state of life" report is that I sure can cry now! Those of you not up to date, for many years I couldn't, so this is a really good thing. It's proof of how much my heart has healed. What I was going for is Bill Murray's beautiful speech in the final Gobbler's Knob scene. He says, "When Chekhov saw the long winter he saw a winter bleak & dark, bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney, & basking in the warmth of their hearths & hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long & lustrous winter."

Our winter this year in Western PA was hardly a winter, but for me it was one challenge after another. I didn't even get to breathe in between them, & I was in a fog, felt rather lost. Friends promised a difference when Spring came, that it was just around the corner. Phil said 6 more weeks & we all know Phil is always right! Well, it's been 6 weeks & Spring is here. Flowers are blooming in my yard & all the windows are open upstairs. The cats are loving life right now. Yesterday I moved plastic packing bins inside & put them & cushions under the windows so they'd have perches. I'm loving the fresh air, sunshine & warmth, & the bird songs. I'm about 3/4 done with moving & unpacking boxes, hanging pictures, etc. This is huge because at the last house I never did get unpacked, & I'm a nester. And Saturday I even got a 6 week in Phil fix! A dear friend took me to a chapter gathering (the Groundhog Club has many active chapters all over the world) & Phil was there! I got to see some of the wonderful guys in the Groundhog Club Inner Circle (the ones who wear the tuxedos & top hats) & that's always a treat for me, & I got to see & talk to my favorite groundhog in all the world. Those who know me know I LOVE all groundhogs, so that's saying a lot. By the way, part of why I so love that quote from "Groundhog Day" is that through the men of the Inner Circle, the people of Punxsutawney & the culture, & the Groundhog Day festivities, I found great warmth & love. I fell in love with the whole thing & that's why I now live in Western PA! Moving is very hard, especially moving far away is hard on kids. Last year I was in counseling because of the divorce & situation & the counselor commented on all the times I moved as a kid & I brushed it off. Time heals & I'd forgotten what it was like being the new kid all the time, starting over, & most of all, leaving all & everyone I loved behind over & over. I left my father forever at age 2, never saw him again until I was 13! I left behind my grandparents (his parents) & never saw my grandmother again. Turns out I have a huge connection to her (read tomorrow). Later my father had 2 more kids & I didn't meet them until I was 13. Four years later I moved a state away from the grandparents I always talk about, just when I was finally in a happy baby sitter situation after excruciatingly painful daycare situations. I moved to the Harrisburg area & was again in those kinds of awful situations for years. But at least I got to see my grandparents several times a year & stay with them. Then we moved to Texas & in the 3 1/2 years I was there I only got to see my grandparents once, & lost the only place I knew as home while there. (My grandparents sold the house my mother was born in, the only home I'd ever known.) When we moved from there to Maryland I had tons of friends & activities & was very happy & well established, so the move was another huge jolt but at least I was in range of visiting my grandparents again & all the family I knew & loved. What started me on all this is that my move to PA in 2009 was the first time I ever moved entirely because I wanted to, as was the move to this house in November. That's just huge for someone who was moved often & without any consideration given at all to any of my needs. However, I do have to say that I've had a lot more control in my adult life. I chose the house where I raised my kids & got to stay in that same house for 19 years. If you add up all the places I lived growing up, the times don't add up to the 19 years of stability. And when I left there it was to finally fulfill my need to live on a farm. And when I first came to Western PA I was also on a farm. My greatest childhood wish was to be free from my abuser & in control of my own life, & with intent I've sometimes been able to make the most of that control & power. And in some ways, as I've touched on before, I gave away a lot of that power. Power is also very scary if you don't know about intent & how to manifest, that you have the power & aren't consciously using it to work for you.

My financial situation hasn't changed for the better yet but I'm now supremely happy because my life is nicely coming into balance. I feel loved & cherished, valuable, joyous, & excited about my life. That's kind of "against all odds" given my actual situation. The reason is that what's been lacking in my life is starting to manifest, putting me more in balance. One of the reasons for that is that I've been moving forward as quickly as possible. For the last few weeks the emphasis has been on the job hunt & it seemed to be going nowhere pretty quickly. Then, this past week, I had an interview for a job I can't afford to take & an interview at a staffing agency with a wonderful woman. I have no idea why I needed to go to the one I can't afford to take but it was nice to be at least contacted for an interview, considering I'd only gone on one other. I have no idea how many I applied for without the employer showing any interest at all, so an interview felt like a major step forward. I needed to feel employable & wanted, even though I know how vastly qualified I am for so much. The point is, I've been moving forward each day, faithfully doing what was before me according to the way the priorities seemed to present. That helped me gain balance in my activities & led to some of my sense of wellbeing. I also again reached out to help a friend & ended up gaining at least as much as I gave, hence the feeling of being valued & cherished. The other thing I regularly do to manifest what I need & want is those "I Am" statements, manifestation statements, & my daily prayer. Some of my "I Am" statements are designed to remind me of who & what I am. Some are to help me change or enhance - become or become more of - the things in the statements. They are all based on intent. Because I'm moving forward in balance & getting my life in order, & my intent is pure & set, I had an actual weekend like normal people. Saturday I played all day & all evening, & Sunday I had total "me" time - went to a mediumship event, set up my outside area, straightened the garage & brought in a bunch of things, & spent quite a bit of the day journaling. Journaling is very important to me. I record progressions, figure out what's really on my heart & mind, my feelings, etc. I still don't always know my mind or my true feelings thanks to my childhood, but journaling helps me get in touch with myself. It turns out that going to that mediumship event was the single most important thing I did all week, & it came about during a last minute invitation. It's the subject for tomorrow's blog.

Benefits of Service to Others

I've always gained more than I've given. Sometimes the results of serving others has been direct, sometimes monetary. More often the results are indirect & non-monetary. Whenever you do or say something "good" or "bad" it goes out into the Universe & creates, like for like, & it's out of your hands. By "like" for "like" I mean that negatives create more negatives & positives more positives. I've spoken of this before, my "drop of water in a pond" analogy. We create often invisible ripples each time we do or say something.

Lately I've gained directly. Tuesday I took a friend to the dentist & picked him up. He was to have anaesthesia & needed a driver. He let me use his car while at the dentist, & later in the week for a job interview & my errands. It came about as a result of taking him to the dentist. I got all my errands done for the week, got to the interview, didn't have to go the expense of a rental car. And when I offered to pay for gas he said no thank you, that the Universe will compensate him & it would be greater thus than what I could do. Wise man - but he truly is. He's the one who told me I'm a healer, told me about Reiki & has been my dear friend & mentor ever since. When I moved to Pittsburgh it put me in close proximity to him too, another great bonus. We saw each other twice last year. He moved 10 minutes away from here a month before I moved, & now we see each other about twice a month & talk more frequently. Nice.

An old friend has come back into my life needing my help, & I'm already seeing direct results from answering that call. I'm already benefiting directly. With Pam the benefits have been direct also. I offered to befriend her when she expressed need late summer of 2010. She was then a virtual stranger, someone I chatted with a few times on Facebook. Since then we have supported each other through similar life changes & upheavals. I could write a chapter on how we've benefited each other. The funny thing is, by the time she took me up on my offer of friendship & listening, I needed her as much as she needed me. I believe that was what had to be for us since we're both givers & strong women. It needed to be mutual for us to bond to the degree we needed to in order to help each other.

Usually the benefits are more indirect, harder to trace, but still very real. I have so many dear friends in Pittsburgh who mean much to me & greatly enrich my life. Most of them don't give me anything tangible like money or goods or direct services, but they teach me, emotionally support me, & provide the fun, excitement, love, & interest I need in my life. They're there for me when I need to talk or find something out, learn something. They do truly enrich my life, the full meaning of that. I do the same for them. I give of myself, my love, share whatever I can including through this blog & the results are some deep & rewarding relationships.

When we help others we help ourselves in all kinds of ways. We heal, our hearts expand, we learn & grow. New opportunities & people also emerge in our lives. The guy I took to the dentist told me about the woman who is an energy worker who is now my neighbor. She told me about this house coming up for rent & put in a good word with the homeowner, which led to me being able to rent here. It was a whole chain of events that actually started with a woman I've been friends with since 1994 or so, met on my old job. We've kept up our friendship & mutual support & love so when I needed work-at-home ideas in the summer of 2010 I called to pick her brain. The result of that conversation led me to the phone call (the end of a string of 4) to the guy I took to the dentist. He was a total stranger when I called him but he talked with me, brainstormed income sources & ideas with me for an hour. I never could have consciously created the exact chain of events that led to me getting into Reiki & moving into this house. The stage was set in that 1994 friendship that we've maintained! And that only happened when the woman was elected & briefly served on the Board of Directors for the non-profit I used to work for. I can't even begin to go through the events that led to that - someone recommended her, she was elected, there were a couple of meetings she attended... And then you have to go back to the late 1980s when I started going to Mayo church & met the woman who eventually led to me taking that job, which is a whole other long chain of events. I'll go into this more soon when I write the blog on the lessons on manifestation I'm gaining. The whole point is, an unpredicted set of chains of events that I wasn't aware of in itself & didn't control the progression of started before the 1980s that eventually led to me living in this house! I can trace it all the way back to my college choice in 1974 if I want to! It's the "7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon" on steroids! But the basics are - I'm a giver & servant personality, so that rules my decisions & relationships. Those relationships allow the Universe to create great positives in my life that lead me. It's the greatest example of indirect benefits in action.

No More Pedestals

I did it again November through January - put someone on a pedestal, above myself. I especially did it in my 2nd marriage, thought I'd learned the lessons but didn't realize until today how to really look at the mistakes I was making. Until you understand, it's hard to learn the lessons & move on, stop repeating them. I have a tendency to look for a mother or father figure, consider them above me, put them on a pedestal. Then I lose myself like a chameleon, & my time & tastes revolve around them. I consider them to be the authorities, & that sets up a very unequal relationship. I then tend to give away my personal power, lose my independence & sense of self. I also tend to accept everything they say as fact until they betray that trust, think they have my best interest at heart, truly care about me. I believe I've finally learned the lesson though, won't repeat it.

No one is above me. There are those who know more than me. One key for me is to steer clear of anyone who comes across as an authority or expert. Those who truly are, with the right kind of heart, don't put themselves out as such. I have some great examples of that, including my Reiki Master, the guy who turned me on to Reiki, and a local psychic medium, Dr. Marjorie Rivera. (I might have spelled her last name wrong.) These people have humble, kind, gentle, loving, giving spirits. Their messages are that if they can do it, so can we. They don't put themselves on pedestals at all, or claim to be experts or know it all.

In relationships I also have good examples of each. And I realize now that I need to quit looking for a mother or father in any relationship & continue to supply it for myself, through myself, friends & family as a whole but no one individual, & God & Mother Mary. The best example of "not" is my ex husband. I had him on a pedestal from the time we got together, & gave over my power entirely. He was the father I never had. And while it finally gave me a father for awhile, it was never a healthy relationship. I gained from it but the relationship didn't. The best example of an unspoken & nebulous "not" is my first husband. He silently disapproved of me & I never did know why or how because it was all passive/aggressive & never spoken to this day. That put him on a nebulous pedestal above me, but one nonetheless. The best examples of healthy relationships are my closest female friends, Jenny & Pam. They are entirely equal relationships with a balance of power. Sometimes I've helped one of them, sometimes they've helped me. Never have we acted as authorities over the other even though at times I've given each of them or received from them constructive criticism, advice, lessons. Because these are my healthiest non-familial relationships to date, I was not a chameleon, or obsessively involved with them. I've gone through periods where I've talked on the phone with one or the other of them every single day, which has amounted to hours a week. I've been doing that with Pam since the demise of my most recent marriage. I did it with Jenny in the 1990s. At that time Jenny lived near me & was usually the only friend I did things with. It wasn't out of balance though, because I also spent the majority of my time away from her, & I was totally open to doing things with others & did. It wasn't at all obsessive - we just both were free to spend lots of time together. I don't get to do things with either of them now - they both live in other states. Jenny is my best example of how to be as close as 2 people can be without being related & without it being sexual, yet still be independent & healthy, balanced. I thought maybe "codependence" was the word for what I do & looked it up before writing this. Then I Googled "losing yourself in a relationship." In one of the 2 searches the word "interdependence" came up. A healthy relationship involves "interdependence." That's what Jenny & I had/have, what Pam & I have. We are each independent & strong, we each keep our own personal power but we've chosen to intermingle our strengths, selves, interests, spirits, lives, love. Now I just need to carry that forward into future relationships, learn how to do it in a male/female relationship when the time comes. Writing this will help cement it in my mind - use Jenny as the biggest example because ours was the closest to that kind of relationship because of physical proximity & therefore time spent together in person. It's reassuring to me that I have that same kind of healthy relationship with Pam. I realize that if we had proximity & therefore in person time together, the balance wouldn't change. So in essence, I do know how to do this. I just need to make sure I always apply it, especially in my next male/female relationship.

Our Children - Reflections of Ourselves?

As usual, I'm living in the past, present, & future all at once. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (don't I always!), a lot of reflecting. I've been watching a DVD of the first season of The Monkees ever since Davy Jones died, watching every program I can find on him, doing a lot of remembering. My son became a drummer for awhile when The Monkees was in reruns in the 1990s. He really took to Micky. My daughter loves them so much that she went to a Monkees concert last year, even though it was expensive & far from her house. She got her love & knowledge of them through me. They put out an album late in the 1980s called "Pool It" & my kids had to hear my favorite songs, & the entire album, played loudly over & over. Poor kids, I do that when I get in a certain mood, & play whatever strikes me repetitively & loudly.

My son says his favorite piece of music is "Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini" by Rachmaninoff. That's because of me. He was actually born to that piece of music. He introduced his fiance to the movie "Somewhere in Time," where I first heard the piece. It's one of his favorite movies, one of my daughter's too, again because of me. I've already mentioned that some of their favorite foods are things I used to make for them.

My kids are their own people, individuals. A lot of who & what they are they gained from me, but it was never forced. It's a testament to the kind of mother I was that some of their taste was influenced by me. Some of my taste in music & things comes from my mother, the music I heard within the home. A lot of it is all my own, influenced by a vast exposure to music from the times I grew up in & experiencing all kinds of music via participation in school bands & orchestra, being in choirs, even church music. I fought a lot of association with my own mother. There are very few tastes or anything that I willingly associate with her. I'm very proud that my own children feel otherwise. My daughter frequently acknowledges me on Facebook when mentioning her likes, & I love it. I'm always so pleased when my kids take after me in tastes or characteristics.

Speaking of, if you haven't used my Facebook share to read my daughter's sermon (posted on 3/11), please do. She very eloquently & thoroughly wrote a sermon covering an important lesson I frequently touch on in these blogs. As a writer, I'm very proud of what she put together, her words. But I'm recommending it because of how well she covered that subject. She has a great gift with words, teaching, expressing things in a way that you'll easily understand. I've of course never seen her in action as a clinical social worker, but I realize that she uses this skill in her work too. She's developed this all on her own, but it's a trait I also possess so I'm especially proud. I hope that years of listening to me helped her develop her own gift.

I was never a separate person in my mother's eyes. One of the greatest ways she damaged me was by always treating me as an extension of herself. She obviously never liked or loved herself, & I got the treatment she would have heaped on herself & did. I was required to be a little Norma, not myself. She thus violated all my personal boundaries. I wasn't allowed to have any, as a mere extension of herself. This is why I loathe acknowledging any of her in me. I like to say I'm my beloved grandma's daughter. Ironically, that grandma was her mother. One of the things I did best with my own children was not doing that to them. Yes, we treat our kids some of how we were treated, no matter what we do. All parents have opened their mouths & heard their parents come out - the stuff we vowed we'd never say to our kids. With will power & conscious effort, we can change that except in times of the most stress, when we react. But I did always allow my kids their own tastes, tried to nurture their sense of self. I never tried to make them into mini-me. I also didn't have apron strings tied to them. I tried to teach them but didn't try to hold them back. I tried to give them every opportunity to find their own tastes & interests, to try everything they wanted to try doing while they were young & learning themselves. That was one of the good things that was done for me as a child, part of how I learned all the arts & crafts I enjoy.

I see so much of myself in my kids. The older they get the more I see them reflect me, but in their own ways. In good ways & bad, I've seen them reflect me but as time goes on I see much more of the positive reflected back to me. I never see them as true reflections of myself, I only enjoy the ways they do associate with me & my tastes, talents, & interests. I remember when my mother was fixated on an opera singer in the 1990s. I don't like most operative voices & styles. Out of all the music I enjoy, that isn't one. My mother told me it was a personal affront to her that I said I didn't like the singing, refused her offer to give me cassette tapes of the woman! I certainly didn't do it as a personal affront. I'm simply not good at lying or faking it, & the only opera I like is "Carmen." I like instrumentals of some operatic music, just not the singing. Hey, I don't like Chamber Music either, for all the classical music I love. Anyway, I'm very pleased to have been mostly a positive & pleasing influence on my own kids. They are most truly themselves, always have been, always will be. They were born with certain traits & characteristics. My job was to help them find & develop themselves while learning to navigate the world & its rules & keeping them as safe as possible while learning. It was & is also to love & nurture them as they are - unconditional love. I've always given them unconditional love, even when I wasn't the kindest, most effective parent. I wish we could parent in reverse - have the wisdom & insight that comes after they're grown & gone while we're still young enough to keep up with them.