"Acts of Service" is one of the main ways I give love (refer to Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages). I am absolutely a giver. I was reminded of this again this morning as I performed one of the little acts of love & service for my cats. I simply adjusted the position of a cat bed because it was moved from where Cassandra likes it. I notice everything & give little acts of service to the cats, people, the environment. The other day there was a plastic grocery bag blowing around in the middle of the road & I went out to pick it up. I envisioned a cat chasing it & being hit by a car, had seen an outdoor cat recently & know how enticing movement is. So that's a good example of an act of service for the environment.
I'm most comfortable as a giver. As a giver, I am a very grateful receiver. Whether I'm being given "Words of Affirmation," "Acts of Service," or an actual object, big or small, I immediately recognize it as a great gift. I try to always be a very gracious receiver & to make sure I let the person know how much I value him/her & the gift. I'm best at receiving "Words of Affirmation." I used to discount myself too much, which then refuses the gift. You know - words like "Oh, I really didn't do that much" or "I really can't take credit for that." I'm sure you can now think of your own. I'm less comfortable accepting other gifts. I'm just so much more comfortable in the role of giver.
Thing is, for every giver there has to be a receiver. With my cats, kids, & a few of my friends, it's in total balance & I'm completely comfortable. My cats are the best example. They appreciate all I do for them & totally give back in the measure they receive. We are in total balance & usually total harmony. They love me deeply & show it in the same measure as the countless little things I do for them, although of course not in the same way. As with the best giving/receiving balance, they receive from me all the love & attention they need & the I do the things for them that they can't or don't do for themselves (like trim claws & clean litter boxes). In return, they give me love, attention, amusement, entertainment, warmth, calmness, company, & so much else. In giving & receiving think balance, not equality. Equality of giving is hard to measure & not a valid concept. If I give you $10 & then you give me $10 that's equal but not truly giving & receiving. If I give you a flax seed face pillow & you give me $10, that's not giving because that's what I charge for them. Lots of people mistake transactions for the concept of giving & receiving.
As a giver I'm able to receive graciously although sometimes I'm a bit uncomfortable with it. The hardest thing for me is to ask for something unless I know I'm going to be able to equal things immediately or in the very near future. I can easily ask to borrow a screw driver because I know I'll use it & then immediately return it in the same condition. What I'm having to learn again is to ask for help. In my single parenting years in the 1990s I had to learn to ask for help & it was very difficult for me. I had to learn to ask & receive, which was way out of my comfort zone. Then I took on husband #2 & had a buffer. During those years I unlearned asking for help because I didn't get much from him unless I asked. So I went back to doing without or finding ways to make things happen on my own. It's dysfunctional & totally out of balance, but certainly fits my comfort zone due to my upbringing. If dysfunction is your norm it becomes your comfort zone. Now I'm back in a position of having to ask for help & it's again very uncomfortable for me. Because of this, I've avoided & gone without to the point that I'm teetering on the brink of disaster. I have to go back & quickly relearn all I learned in the 1990s. For every giver there has to be a receiver & sometimes it's more of a "pay it forward" thing than in balance within that time or relationship. I've had my times of being way more of a giver & will get there again. And when I have to ask for help, I'm not asking for what I wouldn't do for someone else, or have, or will again. And I'm still giving in my own ways & within my current capabilities, including through these blogs. And when I receive, I'm providing an opportunity for a giver. My friend & neighbor, Sandy Davis, has been helping me out a lot recently. I keep saying I truly appreciate what she's doing & that I'm so much more comfortable as a giver. She keeps reminding me that I'd do the same for her & that undoubtedly I'll have the opportunity at some point. I've finally gotten the message I think. She also pointed out yesterday that until I learn receiving, the lesson is going to keep coming up. Good point! So I'm very ready to learn this right now! Thank you, Sandy!
A final word on asking. We each have personal angels & guides. They're ready to help us in every way possible as long as we ask. Because of free will, they can't intervene unless we do ask. I'm great about asking them, by the way. But to give you an idea of the effects of my upbringing, until about a year ago I only wanted to believe in angels & loved the concept of guardian angels. I could believe anyone who claimed to have a guardian angel, partially believed when told we all have one. However, I absolutely believed that I don't even if other people do. It all ties into feelings of worthiness & is another subject for another time but really hit me again this morning as I greeted mine as I do each day. It just blows me away that we all have personal angels & guides, including me! Today I spent a little more time asking mine for help. I'm not sure who to ask for what, & right now I'm not even sure what to be asking for. But I know we do have to ask to receive. Fortunately, one of them reminded me that all you have to do is ask. The words aren't important & it doesn't even always take words. Sometimes you can just form that request in your heart or spirit, when the need is too deep for words. Intent & awareness of them in general is enough if that's all you can do at the time.
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