I was in a frenzy the last week of February, looking for a car I could buy. I had a friend who was going to take me shopping for a used car on 3rd, & I believed I needed a car so I could continue looking for a job. So I felt my main job that week was to run down leads. As I've said, our job is to do all that's in front of us to do, each day, & let the Universe direct us from there.
Most of February I was rather down, & scattered. On February 7 I had a car accident since I was already feeling rather scattered, trying to find a job. The accident wasn't that bad but I hit the back of an SUV with my 1995 Honda Civic & the insurance company declared it a total loss. I was very attached to that car so the loss was hard on me at first. And it was my first real accident so I had no experience dealing with the decisions & possibilities. I couldn't understand why this had happened, either. I ask the Archangel Michael for protection each & every day & since I relied totally on that car, I always asked for protection for it, too. It seemed at first as if my "luck" had gone from bad to worse, something a dear friend is struggling with. Why me? I've been working on manifestation for so many months now, since last summer. I manifested this wonderful house to rent, "against all odds." A month after I moved in, everything changed & started going "wrong" one after another, & now this. Here I am in the city, looking for a job, & relying on going to a laundromat because my washer broke just before I moved & my dryer is electric & the house has a gas hook up. I needed my car & it seemed that the "worst" possible thing happened right when I was finishing coping with a couple of other difficult "blows." Then at the end of February I found out that the money I was using to live on while looking for a job wasn't coming in for March, never would again. Don't ask me - it was a weird situation & I won't explain. It was a situation that linked me to my mother in an unhealthy way, kept me obligated & tied, was always a huge burden. I kept praying for release & freedom. Those of you who've read enough blogs can surely understand at least a little of this.
I felt like I spent until mid way or so through this past week in a fog. I felt like a lost little girl. Confusion was swirling through & around me & I just couldn't see my way through it. I was confused in my job search, confused by the website for the Pittsburgh buses, confused about how to proceed. I was perfectly willing & trying to do the next thing before me but was confused on how to do it. But I kept trying, & praying, & working with the angels, manifestation statements, "I Am" statements. In fact, I finished rewriting my "I Am" statements early in the week. Trying & moving forward worked. On March 3, my mentor redirected me completely away from buying a used car & into a job & resource search. It took me about a week & a half to clear through the fog, but I was moving forward, in an entirely different direction. The Universe again used him to benefit me. I can't tell you how many times this has happened. This man is an Earth Angel in my life. What happened it exactly as I've been taught by Mike Dooley that it would. I was moving forward but in the wrong direction & the Universe stepped in through this man & changed my course. If I hadn't been moving forward toward buying a car, the conversation wouldn't have happened.
I am at the lowest point in my adult life in some ways. No car, no income, no job, & bills & needs. I've been behind on bills & in trouble before, but I've always had a car at my disposal at least part of the time, even when my first husband used our only car during the day. I've never had trouble finding a car, either. Also, for 20 years of my adulthood, I at least had a husband to buffer things. And now I'm coping with all this at 56, no spring chicken. However, I actually have more going for me now that I ever did before. I have the loving support of friends & family & I know how to benefit fully from them. I've been "using" them effectively for quite some time now, have it down pretty well. I drink in the love, the faith they have in me, their kind words & emotional support. I also continue to give back in every way possible, which helps me since I'm a giver. I give those same things back to them. I also now know to work with the Universe toward manifestation, to call on angels & God to help me cope & clear the path, to direct me. I have faith greater than I've ever had before, & I call on their resources. I was in a fog, but I wasn't down for long, didn't go into a depression or linger in feelings of hopelessness or helplessness. This is true faith in action, & action is the key. I've continued to try, & to pray for others & do my "devotions." I've continued to start each day with a prayer of gratitude. I am stronger than I ever have been & I use my strength daily. I used to just be "Miss Mary Sunshine" without the knowledge of how to take that further. Now I know more, although I'm always still learning, & open & ask for learning.
I see a lot of things happening & have gotten answers & insights already. The car wreck provided a lump sum settlement to help me over the hump until I find a job. The loss of income freed me from a very dysfunctional situation & relationship, which was holding me back from some of the vital healing I need in myself, my life. It's a real blessing to be able to see the Divine plan in action, see the Universe working things out on my behalf. It helps that I didn't waste time getting bitter or angry, that after initial mourning & shock, I trusted that there were reasons behind all the seemingly "bad" things that were happening. And I stayed busy trying to move forward & manifest. One wonderful result is that I'm out of the fog now. I'm back to myself - calm, serene, focused, full of grace. And it feels so wonderful! Now that I'm back to myself, I can function so much better.
I have some lessons to learn yet from that fog time, the time of not really being myself. There was a real reason behind that too. The wonderful thing is, now I know that it's all an opportunity to learn & heal. Instead of having to repeat lessons over & over in my life, now that I'm aware that it's all an opportunity, I work on learning & "getting it" so I can move forward to a better life & me. I work at it with my brain & inner knowledge of myself, & personal insight. I also specifically ask God, my angels & guides for help in getting the messages. I am just truly finding the clarity & reality of all the life lessons I've learned over the years. Things that we've been taught can almost sound cliche but they aren't. As I once wrote in an early blog, everything is taking on new meaning, a fullness & richness of meaning. So my life circumstances seem at the lowest point but in some ways, I've risen to new heights. I've risen to a much higher awareness of the Grace, Love, & Guidance, blessings in my life.
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