Emotions, Traits & Conflicts - It's All In How We Handle Them

People tend to think of certain emotions & character traits as being good or bad & of all conflict as being bad. But we learn from conflict & can use it to make needed changes. There will always be conflicts in life, although it's not a constant. We need to really learn how to make them work for us. It's all in the "spin" you put on anything, what you do with it. It's all about attitude & intent. With purpose, we can use difficulties like conflict to make things better for ourselves & others. It's how we handle things that matter.

There are many emotions that are painful or uncomfortable but that doesn't make them bad. We can use anger, for instance, which often comes from conflict, to make things happen for our benefit. Anger tends to be a problematic emotion for me. My early childhood abuse led to a lot of anger I couldn't really process or do anything with, so I turned it inward. Later, the resultant rage would come out & it was unpredictable. I didn't know what would set it off, why it occurred, etc. (I had completely repressed the worst of the childhood trauma at that point.) I still have to work to identify anger within myself. I identify that it would be the logical emotion in response to a wrong, & then work to get in touch with the feeling so I don't internalize it & take it out on myself. (Common symptoms are depression & feelings of hopelessness, among others.) Then I use justified anger to make changes in whatever way needed. Recent examples are telling someone I won't accept such treatment, removing myself from a person who was mistreating me, & examining myself to see why I frequently get treated this way (3 separate incidents, 3 separate primary actions taken). So what I'm saying is, in one case I took direct action to stop further mistreatment, in one I removed myself, & in the last I simply went within for answers. In the final case I didn't feel direct action was in my best interest & I can't remove myself. I also examined my role in every case, which means I took responsibility too. Nothing occurs in a vacuum. We can use anger, sadness, loneliness, & other "negative" emotions to identify problems or lacks in our lives & then take appropriate action. That then puts a positive "spin" on them. Conflict can also be used to take appropriate & proportional action. Proportional is a key word in all of this, as is taking action rather than reacting. Personal responsibility is also key. Blaming never helps, but taking action & personal responsibility are the keys to positive change. And anything that leads to positive change is "good" in the end. It can redeem our circumstances.

Our personality traits for the most part are also neither "good" or "bad." It's what you do with them that matters. I believe I covered this in a old post but it bears repeating. The kid that always got in trouble for talking too much in class can go on to become a gifted public speaker. The child who always hurts too much for everyone else might go on to become a counselor. The kid who takes everything apart might become a repairman. If you are too sweet & let people walk all over you, you might teach yourself or take classes to learn to walk in your personal power & head a charitable organization. With conscious effort & intent, we can change the "spin" on any of our traits & make them work for us rather than against us. But sometimes we truly do need someone to teach us how. These days, there are all kinds of life coaches & classes & resources. For some, it's a matter of spirituality & going within. And by all means, do surround yourself with cheerleaders who support & believe in you & are vocal about it. If you're shy or lonely, you can find someone else with those same difficulties & befriend them. Giving to others is one of the greatest ways we can help ourselves - TRULY! I've long believed that, even though I was recently told that I'm too broken to be trying to help others. I didn't listen because within myself I know better. I never claim to be an authority, only one who has suffered enough & such a variety of pain but gotten past most of it. I claim to have the heart to help, which no one can honestly refute without residing in my heart. I've been validated so many times by others since then, because I do surround myself with cheerleaders, those who truly know me & love me for myself. And I was reading a book on how to manifest & read just last night that giving is one of the best ways to help yourself. We learn so much when we share & give to others. For one, we learn that we're not the only one dealing with whatever it is. Often we learn a new idea or perspective from sharing with the other, his/her "take." Often we discover hidden thoughts, feelings, or depths within ourselves because when you share from the heart your deepest heart emerges. And often helping others prompts us to learn more in order to better help.

I believe that one great Power created all of us & all there is. I believe that one great Power lives within each of us. I believe that one great Power is perfect & able to be & do anything. So I no longer believe in "good" & "bad" or "good" & "evil." I know many things feel that way at the time, but I believe it's all an illusion. I've known of plenty of things that seemed "good" at the time that later led to heartache (like my last marriage). The years & lessons were difficult & painful yet so much that works in my favor came out of all of it. And that's what I believe in. My intent is to have the best life I can, be the best person I can be. I try to use everything within me & in my life to get there. I'm not sure how others view me - as a realist, grounded, "Miss Mary Sunshine," a flake, too changeable? I haven't bothered to find out. I'm more interested in using all I can to create what I want & need in life - in learning, growing, changing, improving all the time. Whatever someone else thinks about me is appearances & don't really matter in most cases. Of course, I care what my kinds & closest friends & family think of me, but not enough to alter my self or behaviors. Instead, I alter what I can to achieve what I truly want & need for myself. I try to truly tune into my internal regulators & adjust according to what I read & gauge. More thoughts on this tomorrow.