More Work with Angels & Other Beings

Each day I call on the angels to surround my heart with healing & protective pink light, & thank them. By now I forget what prompted me to start that, but I can think of every reason in the world.

I kept drawing the Law of Attraction card, meaning my tastes are changing, including in people & activities. That is so very true, so I give this to the angels to handle. “Archangels Raguel & Chamuel, thank you for helping me stay true to myself as I experience this important change. I ask for your complete & through assistance in sorting through relationships, my career, & other life areas where I feel my tastes have changed. Guide me through these changes with grace, compassion, & integrity so that everyone involved is blessed.” And of course, I say thank you afterwards.

I was also drawing the Cut Your Cords card. It's about calling on Archangel Michael to “cut the cords of fear that have been blocking or draining me in the past. I am now willing to trade all pain for peace.” I need to have someone specific in mind. That one was easy, as there are so many ties that keep surfacing. I end up working on it with him almost every day.  

I also kept drawing the Vegan card. The Vegan card is about eating organic fresh fruits & vegies to elevate my spiritual energy. It increases my psychic clarity & sensitivity to energy. The angels will make it available to me & provide me with the means to pay for it. I need to avoid chemical preservatives & additives. “Archangel Raphael, I call upon you now. I ask that you adjust my appetite & cravings so that they’re completely focused on organic & healthful foods & beverages. I’m now willing to release any attachments to unhealthful substances, & I open my arms to honoring my healthy body. Please guide my dietary choices, including my cravings & buying habits so they are pure, high vibrating, & filled with Divine Life-force energy.” The other part about Archangel Raphael is calling on him for help in healing self & others. Picture his emerald green light.

I also asked what I’m going to be doing to make money. One was the Books card, & here’s the prayer I need daily: “Archangel Gabriel, I call upon you now. Please help increase my courage & confidence to move forward with my dreams of being a published author who makes income from my publications. Thank you for motivating me & organizing me so that I spend time every day devoted to my heart’s true desire, allowing my dreams to be manifested in Divinely perfect ways without delay. Also, thank you for giving me the guidance I need on getting published, & distribution.”

Mission Statement

I wrote my mission statement earlier this month & it was an important step for me. I've been taking classes, learning & growing, & have been exposed to all kinds of new things & ideas in the past year plus. I've been receiving messages from a variety of psychics about my life work, past lives, the progress of my current life, etc. I've had all kinds of new experiences & ideas open up before me, including new opportunities. The only constant is my belief in Jesus & God, in reincarnation, & off & on throughout my life, the idea that I'm here for a purpose. What the mission statement does is define that purpose.

When you write your mission statement, it needs to come from your heart & soul, not your mind. And it must come entirely from within you. The purpose of a mission statement is to give you guidance in your life work & the choices you make. It will guide what you will & won't do in your work, your conduct, what you choose to learn & experience.

I am all about healing & helping, Light & Love, God & Jesus, & so much more. I've known for years that I'm a servant personality. I identified that in myself way back in the 80s when heavily involved in my local Methodist church. I didn't realize I was a healer until someone told me last Fall, but had been doing it whenever led. Since then experience has led me to understand many more ways to heal & help people than I knew of before, & I've been guided to make the right choices in learning. The latest included the recommendation of a written mission statement from a very gifted psychic medium I've taken many classes with & have great respect for. Now I'm recommending it to you, no matter who you are & what you do.

I've loosely had one in my mind for many years now, my own version of the Golden Rule. But having a formal one is as valuable as having "I Am" & manifestation statements. It helps cement my intent. We all have times when we're thrown for a loop by something that happens in our lives & mine came on 12/23 when I was told to shut down metaphysical activities in the house I just rented. That altered my feelings about my new home & showed me emotional healing that still needs to take place. The wounded child came forward again & I felt like I'd been bad & was being punished. I lost faith in myself & goodness, my ability to manifest - my heart started questioning everything I am, believe, stand for, am capable of. I was hit so hard (my landlady really came down on me as if I was a naughty child, & she totally blindsided me) that I became physically ill. The first things I did was give it all to God. Later I was able to think things through. I came to realize that although I felt punished, I'd done nothing wrong. I know I'm doing the work God has put me here for. I did a lot of talking with God & thinking, processing. Another lesson is that I still need to work on my ability to actually feel anger. I've been able to a little on a minor level but this was major & I'm not feeling it as anger. I only know anger is reasonable at this point so I know it's got to be there.

Everything does truly happen for a reason. I don't know the reason behind this yet & it may be awhile before I do. But it's all good. All things work for good for those who love & work for God. That's a paraphrase from a passage somewhere in the New Testament & if I worked I could find it. Probably Ephesians. I know I have it marked in at least one of my Bibles, & I see I can't quote as well as I used to. The next step, besides taking care of myself physically, was to resume "I Am" & manifestation statements, prayer for others, & my angel work (more on that coming). This is where my mission statement became important. I do know who I am & what I'm here for. I've got it clearly defined. I know what God wants of me in the long run & that helps me stand in my truth with myself & in the face of this adversity. Understand, the adversity is both within myself & from without (my landlady & the currently bleak financial picture). I have much emotional healing still to do so that I may be a clear vessel. Having a mission statement will guide me as I seek a job & as I work on healing myself. It reminds me of who & what I am, gives me the will to overcome yet another huge obstacle rather than giving up. So I challenge each of you to write your own. As always, I'll share mine with you in another blog. First, I want you to have a chance to write yours without the influence of reading mine.

New Meaning for Me - Christmas This Year

This has been the biggest year of change in my entire life. One of the milestones was a set of readings I got from a psychic at the end of April. She told me a lot about my life mission, who I am, where I come from, who I've been in previous lives. I know she was right about the things she told me because my heart & soul immediately answered & leaped forward to fill in the full meaning of all she said. Also, many pieces of my life then made sense, fell into context. And since then, it's become apparent that all she said is true.

One of the things she told me has to do with my relationship with God & another was about my relationship with Jesus. I was related to Jesus in the life on earth we know about & celebrate at Christmas. Now I understand why I was able to have conversations with Him every night for 6 - 9 months when I was a teenager, until I went astray due to the cares in my life. I don't remember a lot about that time, only a lot about the conversations. It also now makes total sense to me that a week after I received my Reiki II attunement, He appeared at my head while the other students & my Reiki Master were practicing distance Reiki on me. At that time He attuned me Himself - gave me the symbol of Universal Life & the cross. He drew them in each of my palms, as a Reiki Master gives the symbols at attunement, then held each hand in both of His.

His attunement took place in November of 2010 & last Christmas was very quiet. I was alone, depressed, no money, but I had a few presents from a dear friend with a very generous heart. I spent much of the day reading about Reiki, a quiet time of study in preparation for my new work.

This year, the other reason why I wanted to stay home for Christmas is Christ Himself. I plan to meditate on His lifetime on earth, want to try some past life work & see if I can go back to that time with Him. My heart now has a deeply personal relationship with Him but haven't had enough of a chance to just spend time with Him & fully explore & develop it. There's much I want to know & say. I want the day to be about time with Him, my Beloved. I adore Him with my whole heart & I plan to spend most of the day just with Him. I'm going to my friend's for Christmas lunch & gift exchange, going to church in the morning (Methodist, so I can be sure of getting to sing Him the songs I love & know by heart). But most of my day will be spent at home with Him, & with the kitties. This was the major reason I needed to be home for Christmas, & will affect all future Christmases. It's not His real birthday, but it's the day we celebrate His birth & Him. Now it's deeply personal.

Christmas is a Time for Family, My Personal Experiences Now

I now feel that I have 2 places to call home. This is amazing since I grew up feeling that my only true home was at the home of my beloved grandparents. I never lived with them but they were like parents & grandparents all in one & quite up to it. Part of my heart will forever be in that house in Dayton, Ohio. I was never entirely at home any place I lived before now. I either shared the house with hostiles, or was single parenting in the house I'd once shared with their father. Or I was living in someone else's house with someone else's stuff, like in Hagerstown. I loved the woman - my newly ex's mother - but it was still more hers than mine. A few years after she died I made it mine but shared it with a hostile.

Many years have passed since I left Mayo, Maryland. That's where I raised my kids & spent most of my married life with my first ex. By the time I was graduated high school I'd already lived in 5 different states, so I never got to put down roots, on top of everything else. As a young adult I moved around too - several different apartments before settling down in Mayo soon after my marriage. I did put down strong roots in Mayo. I formed family-type bonds with the people in the local United Methodist Church & within my community. I also had a successful Tupperware career during that time, which made me many new friends & truly enriched my life beyond measure. Now, after doing her own young-adult wandering, my daughter lives a few blocks from the house where she grew up. Two of my best friends in the world are also nearby, as are many of the others I knew & loved. So Mayo is home to me. I've been gone since 2000, but the time & distance has erased the pain I suffered while living there.

I was back there at the beginning of October & again at Thanksgiving & for my daughter's 30th birthday (the day before Thanksgiving). I was also supposed to go for Christmas, but begged off. First, I checked with my daughter to be sure she'd be ok with it. The last thing I want to do is hurt or greatly disappoint her. I went at Thanksgiving despite the fact that it was a terrible time for a trip because I was in the middle of the move here, to spend the time with her & not disappoint her. But I know that as far as time together, Thanksgiving & her birthday are more important to her than Christmas with me. Because of the first divorce, we've spent many Christmases apart but get together for Thanksgiving as often as possible. She once marched in the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, so she & I love to watch the parade together. We must never try to live our lives through our kids, but every once in awhile we get a gratuitous vicarious thrill through them. I had nothing to do with her being in the parade, but I had always wanted that for myself. When she was growing up we'd always watch the parade together so it's always been a big deal for us. Also, when she was little she got to participate in Thanksgiving with my family in Ohio. That was the huge, whole family event in my family, although Christmas was too. All the women would get together & cook a huge feast. After my grandparents died, we quit going & I started recreating all that at home. My daughter helped from an early age, & carries on the tradition. She also carries on my later tradition of inviting those who don't have family to spend the Thanksgiving meal with.

Christmas is a time to spend with family, & I've just told you I begged off going to Maryland for Christmas. I ended up disappointing at least 2 friends & my daughter, perhaps my son-in-law too. But no one is greatly disappointed since I was just there in October & November, which is more than I have been in recent years. Also, they all understood my reasons. One of my biggest reasons is that for once my need was greater than theirs. Now that I have a new home of my own, I have a strong desire to nest. I used to be Ms. Christmas, & decorate the whole house to the hilt. I haven't done that in years now. In fact, it's been about 3 years since I've truly celebrated at all. I honored Jesus, but that was it. All the rest of it was gone for me because of the stuff going on in my marriage. I haven't truly been in the Christmas spirit other than loving Christ since my son graduated from high school. That fall he went into basic training for the Army National Guard & then straight on to Iraq for his first of 2 tours. I was in mourning rather than celebrating anything other than Christ.

As soon as I found out I was right - that my daughter wasn't crushed that I wanted to stay home - I truly got into the full Christmas spirit. I bought a tree for the first time in years & decorated the whole house again. It feels great, to do this for the first time in my new home, the first home of my own. I dug out things I haven't seen in a few years, something I always enjoy. It's like visiting old friends, especially when I decorate the tree with the ornaments of my childhood, from Christmases with my grandparents. At the very top of the tree I put the ornament with my name that my Grandma made. On each side, touching mine, goes the one with her name & Grandpa's name. Then my heart is complete no matter what. I always cry for a moment when I pull out the ornaments & hang them. I miss their physical presence, but always feel their spirits around me at that time. Now I'm fortunate enough to know they're with me always, so it hurts much less.

The only lesson here today is that although Christmas is a time for family, it's also a soul time. We much each find our own best way to celebrate & honor the season, family, love, & ourselves. Oh, & the cats are VERY glad I'm staying home!

Anger, Rage, & Learning to Stand Up for Myself

This is a topic most people need, & I could write numerous blogs on the subject. I'll try to do it justice here, for now. Many people don't know much about rage & the origins, or even realize that they have trapped rage inside. Mine used to emerge with my kids when they were little, because I didn't know it was there & the source was my childhood. It colored all my dealings with authority figures because I didn't know how to stand up for myself & therefore was often bullied. Back then, it was usually creditors. I had money & credit, managed my finances well until I married the first time. My husband wasn't an effective breadwinner while with me & before I knew that, I'd quit working to raise our first child, hence creditor calls. Anyway, rage comes from feelings of helplessness, of being defenseless against abuse. It usually comes from deep hurts from those closest to us. It also comes from anger that is repressed over a long period. And if we don't appropriately express our anger to the one who causes it or find a way to work it out, it's disastrous. The first results of repressing anger are things like deep depressions, stomach aches, headaches, neck or back aches, & finally, suicidal feelings, loss of sense of self-worth. Over time rage develops & when it emerges it can destroy pieces of those you love or cause you to act out in dangerous or outrageous ways. Think about that word - outrageous - & look at what word sits right in the middle of it!

One way to get rid of the rage inside is to confront the cause, whatever it is. First, you have to see that it exists within you & find the cause. Then you have to deal with the cause. I didn't feel that I could confront my abuser when I discovered my rage so I cut off most contact with her. I got counseling, & that helped a lot. I forgave myself & worked on forgiving my abuser. I surrounded myself with individuals who gave me unconditional love, & whenever my hurt feelings emerged, I'd remind myself of my worth as confirmed by their love. I journaled & worked through my experiences & feelings for many years, & still do when needed. It's a great tool. You can express anything in your journal & it's safe. I also had a friend I let in the whole way, & could express anything to her too. She gave me the kind of feedback & love, validation I needed. She mothered me as my own had not. Healing from things that cause rage is a whole subject unto itself so I'll stop here. Now let's work on dealing with anger before it becomes rage.

Anger is not a bad emotion & all people feel it. It's what we do with it that can be harmful. The best way to handle anger is head-on. It's best handled as soon as possible once you can address it calmly. The heat of the moment always causes reactions instead of actions, so it's not effective & can cause further anger, can cause harm. I used to be have to confront immediately & get it out - anger or hurt, so that I wasn't left to stew or hurt an indefinite period of time. I had to be in control, yet wasn't. We truly aren't in control while in the middle of hot anger. As I said, reacting vs. acting. In my second marriage I had to learn to go away, handle my own feelings, & bide my time. It wasn't safe or effective to confront my husband. In fact, I had to wait for him to approach me, sometimes weeks later. That was a hard lesson, but I learned absolute patience, & it's serving me well. Now when I get angry I take care of myself first. I pray & call in the angels, give it to God. I quickly feel better because I've gotten a lot of practice in giving it to God in the last year plus. I trust that He'll help, as will the angels (I don't care who handles what, so give it to God & ask the angels for help also, then thank "whoever helped"). This is where the "I Am" statements & the angel work I keep telling you about comes in to help in everything in your life. When I worked outside of the home, I never would have taken the 15 minutes to start my day that way. I got up just in time to get ready & out the door. What a mistake! Doing this sets the tone for my entire day each & every day & has made all the difference. It's so very simple & anyone can do it & therefore transform their lives!

Once I've calmed down entirely, I stand up for myself. Very few people anger me these days. In fact, there was one last month & one so far this month. Last month, my former landlord made a nasty comment in front of someone else, then left me an insulting note. Yesterday someone left me a nasty & threatening phone message about my mother's bill at the skilled nursing facility. Of course, I'd been nothing but honest, cooperative, & nice toward these people prior to the incidents, so the way I was treated was unwarranted & therefore angered me. I don't treat people that way so I don't accept that kind of treatment either. It's very important for me to stand up for myself, since I've had trouble with boundaries, authority figures, & rage. I'm especially proud of how I handled the phone call from the care home, but first I'll tell you about handling the landlord. I must have been a southern belle in a previous life because I called him up & told him off in such a syrupy sweet way that he didn't realize that's what I was doing. His nasty note came while my lease was still in effect & I was moving things out of the house. With all the rain we had last month, we'd been tracking in leaves & mud, which of course I planned to clean up only after we'd finished moving & tracking, when the house was empty. I said he must have missed seeing all the cleaning supplies around & that of course I planned to clean up only after emptying the house. I also told him he didn't realize who he was dealing with, that I always aim to leave any place I am better than I found it. I then told him I cleaned years of built up grease & grime out of his stove, which I'd never used - that it was a fire hazard I'd saved him from. I did such a good job of countering the nasty things he said in a sweet way that at the end he was talking about what a great tenant I'd been. It really amused me, & I have no hard feelings or anger left. With the other, I called & left a message telling her that the message she left me was very unprofessional. I told her I'd been nothing but honest & cooperative & that I'm actually under no obligation to handle my mother's affairs but have been doing it as a courtesy. I told her if she wanted my continued cooperation, she shouldn't leave me further messages in the tone of the last one. Lastly I told her I won't tolerate being treated that way. This time I was very direct & firm. I wasn't nasty, but I definitely stood up for myself & established the boundaries clearly. I didn't need to do that with the landlord, since I knew it was probably my final dealing with him. The other is ongoing, so I needed to be firm & direct. Again, that allowed me to let go of the anger - taking direct action to stop further harassment. I did good, as I like to say (in an uncharacteristic lack of good grammar). I'm proud of myself, instead of angry.

Don't "Should" on Me!

For about 6 months I attended meetings for Adult Children of Alcoholics. Since that wasn't the primary problem in the home I grew up in, I only took 2 good things from it. However, if that was the primary dysfunction in your birth home, I highly recommend the group. One thing I took from it was the picture of what we all lived with, no matter what kind of deep dysfunction was within the home. "The elephant in the middle of the living room." We were taught to ignore that elephant growing up, not to talk about it within or outside the home but that it was the norm despite it being a closed subject. The concept is entirely that - how outrageous, yet "understood" to be the norm. However, it was never to be talked about. First of all, how foreign is the idea that you don't talk about a norm! And the brainwashing that goes into all that. I shared that with adult children of alcoholics, only in my home there were many elephants - the air of homosexuality within the home, the drinking, the abuse. I've spoken before about being the secret keeper. That's what all children of alcoholics are, & it's very damaging.

The other thing I learned was "don't 'should' on me." Doesn't it sound like the s word? You know (s---). It's the same, really. One of my mother's favorite phrases was, "You should have known better." I heard that from an early age, always about something I hadn't been taught &/or was way advanced for my age. That cut me, my belief in myself, my self esteem, into ribbons. The other really bad use of that is telling anyone what they should feel, think, believe, or do. To me "should" is a 4-letter word & I don't use it. Instead, I say what I would do in the situation or have done, if I give advice. Or I say "you could..." That is sharing rather than telling. It's suggesting rather than commanding. It works with God-given free will. Another good one is, "You could. I wouldn't, but you could" when advising someone not to do something. I believe I've spoken on "should" at least once before but it bears repeating. So many people "should" on us.

The other day I was on a long drive with 2 women & we got to talking about the southern way of sidestepping an answer when someone is getting into your business or giving advice instead of outright saying "no." I'm courteous for the most part when people give me unwanted advice. I usually don't say I'm not going to do that, because that usually requires an explanation of why. For all that I'm transparent, I do keep some things close to my chest rather than put it all out there. Over the years I've learned to edit myself depending on who I'm talking with. If I'm dealing with advice from my nearest & dearest, chances are I'll say I'm not going to do that if given advice that is counter to what I think is in my best interests. To those few I'm perfectly willing to explain my reasons. Those are the people that I truly listen to. If I disagree, I still take in the advice. If I was wrong to disagree, it will perk within me until I see the wisdom. At that point, I go back & tell the person I was wrong & he/she was right, & my new conclusion. But to most, I'll simply say something like "That sounds interesting. I'll have to think about that." That usually ends the conversation very quickly, & I then change the subject. Usually I do that by asking them a question that leads away. Those who are no closest to me who decide to give advice get my courtesy but that's it. If the advice is counter to my interests there's no need to shut them down by saying that, & no need to put myself out there to explain why. Except for those closest to me, my business is private, but I don't need to slap anyone by saying that. I believe it's kindest to just say that I'll think about it & go on my merry way. I listened, respected the person, but not the unsolicited advice. And let's be clear - that's what I'm talking about here - unsolicited advice. People give it all the time.

I read a wonderful magazine article written by someone who used to think everyone wanted her advice. She used to feel insulted if someone did something counter to her advice. Then one time someone seemed to follow her advice & the outcome was disastrous, & it really made her think. She was totally failing to realize that we all have free will & that all responsible adults make their own decisions. Our advice is not make or break for anyone, usually. Eventually she learned to make sure the person wanted advice before giving it, & then give it in careful terms. The article really made me think because, as a helper, I tend to think people who talk with me about things want my advice, & freely give it. However, I never tell people what to do. I simply share my experiences. It's been a huge source of pain to me & help for others that I have so much experience in coping with life difficulties. But I've overcome most of them - I'm a triumphant survivor, & I can relate how I overcame the difficulties usually. Mostly what my message to those hurting is - if I can you can, & I can tell you how I did it. There's hope! There's life after... & it's a marvelous life so it's worth working through the pain.

The bottom line is we need to treat each person with the honor & respect due to them as humans. We need to do that with all creatures. Further, we need to treat each person in the way the person wishes & needs to be treated, according to their individual needs. Most of all, we need to do that with those who look to us, look up to us, & those closest to us. Love is NOT an emotion, it's an action!!!

We're Not in Kansas Any More

My life has changed so much since moving to Pittsburgh last month, that the title fits very well. I lived out in the country, away from shopping, people, metaphysical people, for 2 1/2 years. I moved to the D.C. area when I was 15, so I was used to having anything & everything close & tons of people. First I moved to the Annapolis area as a young adult & got away from much of that traffic & bustle, then to Hagerstown in 2000. There was plenty of shopping nearby, so I was in the country but still near everything. But at that I time left the work force, my social life, my community, my family & friends. For a time I had some of that back, when I was involved in Tupperware in 2004. But most of the 8 years I was there my only company & companion was my now ex husband. After moving to PA, I became more isolated, & lost access to all convenience (shopping, major restaurants, take out, pizza delivery, etc.). Plus soon after we moved he went full time into Jeckle/Hyde mode, with rapid & frequent persona changes I had no frame of reference for until I found out he'd been stealing my mother's money. I lived with that through half of October 2010, then the second part of my personal hell began as I had full time care for my abuser (my mother), her IRS battle to fight, all her finances to take care of, & a house full of junk of his & hers to go through. I had to go through each & every box & there were probably about 100. I had to sort through what mattered & what didn't, file the things that did matter, discard what didn't. It was physically & emotionally taxing, draining. And I was all alone in all of it, except for God & the angels, who enabled me. My only socialization in the last year plus has been via phone & computer, & my expensive trips into Pittsburgh for Reiki exchanges, guided meditations, occasional classes.

All of a sudden I have everything I've truly wanted coming into my life. I love hosting, cooking for people, healing, talking with & being with other Lightworkers, working from home, & having access to great shopping & restaurants. I like approximately 60% socializing & 40% alone time, & that's what I have. The healing work & communing with Lightworkers are the biggest things though. This is what my life has really been about for just over a year now. It's gotten so that I enjoy the closeness & time with old friends of my heart, but otherwise the only people I truly enjoy are metaphysics & spiritualists. Those who speak the same language, notice the same types of things, have the same world view I do. When I moved I had about 40 such friends in the Pittsburgh area, whom I was close with to varying degrees. Since I've moved, my circle is rapidly growing & the really neat thing about it is when you're on the same wavelength with one of these types of people, the connection is almost immediate & very close. It's as if you've known each other all your lives, yet there's the fun of discovery, learning all about him/her. And I'm a people person, so I love that. I study people, feel people, watch people - a true people person. I love people, & since I love animals more & cats above all, think how much I love them!

I've also greatly added to my experiences since moving - such a short time ago! The other day I did Reiki on a guinea pig & communicated with her, gave her a voice for what was troubling her. Today I'm supposed to help in the same way with a dog, but I've helped dogs before, & cats. That little guinea pig was a real treat, eager to talk with me the whole time she was here once I'd made the connection. And she is such a sweet little spirit. I so love helping animals, giving them a voice, & now I'm becoming known as an animal communicator so that will increase. I've also already increased my hands-on Reiki experience, which is a thrill for me. Most of my prior experience has been doing distance healings, which isn't at all the same for the practitioner as hands-on. I like the feedback & connection from doing Reiki in person. I suspect most of us like doing hands-on best. I've also had extra opportunities for learning since the move, more access to others who can do healings on me, read me, etc. We can all do ourselves but it's extra nice to have others do these things for us.

For the first time in years I have a Christmas tree & fully decorated the house. I can't remember the last time I did this. I've mostly been without Christmas spirit (as in the whole ritual) since my son went to Iraq the first time in 2005. Christmas as in the celebration of Christ's birth is another matter, but I used to be Ms. Christmas. It was a whole huge big deal to me for so many reasons, & I did it to the hilt. Tons of decorations, Christmas throughout the whole house, listened to nothing but Christmas music from Thanksgiving on, baking, special foods, company in, etc. This year it took me a little time to get the Christmas spirit, as I was planning to go to Maryland & be with my daughter. Therefore I wasn't going to decorate, have a tree, etc. After all, I'm still unpacking boxes, which was more of a priority than unpacking decorations I'd have to repack in a month. Last week I figured out that I wanted to nest & stay home for Christmas, for a variety of reasons. I want to have my first Christmas in my new home. Last Christmas was quiet & bleak. I hunkered down. There was no Christmas - I was in mourning for my life in many ways. I'd just put my now ex in jail the month before, had no money for any treats, was fighting depression & fighting with my mother (I'd finally confronted her about the abuse 2 months before). So this to me is my first Christmas in my new life & I wanted to be here & have complete control over my time & celebration. Ms. Christmas is back folks. I won't be baking or doing all I want because much of what I need is in the garage in boxes. But they're my boxes. I'm not keeper of everyone's junk any more. I could bake if I really wanted to stress myself that way - this is Ms. Christmas on my own terms just for this year, then more fully next year.

We Learn More from Mistakes than from Successes

Remember yesterday I said I made those resolutions to change many months ago & didn't achieve them? That means either the time wasn't right, I wasn't really ready to make the changes, or I didn't go about it in the right way. I believe in my case, it was a combination of all 3. I didn't make a plan for change, for one thing. I just rather generally noted what I wanted to change, like being as compassionate toward myself as I am toward others. I need to be more specific, as I have been on the list I made as referenced yesterday. Then I need to put those things into the list I made so I can assign them a month of gradual change. I'm learning from my mistake, or failure if you'd like to use that word. I'll bet you use it with yourself (or perhaps key loved ones) often. In truth, there is no such thing as a failure. There's only trial & error, & we learn more from the errors than the successes. As string on errors led to the invention of the light bulb! Strings of errors, or "failures" has led to eventual multi-million dollar companies. We learn from everything we try that isn't successful, more than we learn from successes. We tend to not realize all that went into a success but we remember & analyze the process that didn't lead to the desired results when we "fail." We can use these to change direction or start over at any point, & that's the healthy thing to do. What isn't healthy is to repeat the same things that aren't working without making any change. It's like the hour or more I spent on the phone with HP support right after getting this new laptop. It was too sophistocated for the internet hookup available out in the country where I lived, so wouldn't connect. The woman on the phone had me shut down & re-boot about 5 times & do a variety of time-consuming things in the same sequence, & each time it didn't fix the problem. Finally I was out of time & patience (which means I started speaking very slowly & deliberately) & said that there was no use doing it yet again because repeating the same thing without variation wasn't fixing the problem every other time we did it. It was time to do something else, & perhaps for her to consult with someone else who actually could fix the problem. I was more than willing to be put on hold while she consulted with someone, & when she came back with a new set of actions for me to perform, it did work.

Many people stick with the familiar even when it isn't working because they're afraid of change or the familiar is all they know. Yet stepping even a little out of your comfort zone can bring about huge change. Will you make mistakes? Of course. Will you learn from them & recover? Hopefully. You will if you're capable of change & growth, learning. As I write this, what's most on my heart is those who stay in relationships after it's clearly time to get out. I'm not an advocate for divorce but I'm less of an advocate for self-destruction & sometimes getting out of a marriage or living arrangement is the only way to save yourself. Just remember that you can't change him or her, only yourself. You can't ever make another being do what you want them to do, even your children. One of the best books I've ever read is "The 5 Love Languages," by Dr. Gary Chapman. It has saved many relationships & heart-breaks. I once recommended it to my daughter in an effort to help her understand that her father loved her with all his heart but that his style of giving love was different than her style of receiving. It's a very simple but profound book about the different styles of giving & receiving love, including those who do acts of kindness, service, loving touch, gift givers, & those who give words of affirmation. (I think I got those right - it's been awhile since I've needed to read it.)

The other thing on my heart is those of us who allow ourselves to get into a position where we're financially dependent on someone in a relationship or living arrangement & then find the situation detrimental. Being or feeling stuck is the worst feeling! I know from experience. Although I was unhappy & had married the wrong person for me, I stayed married for 10 years the first time. That's because I conceived 9 months into the marriage, right about the time I was honest with myself about it not being a good relationship. I wasn't stuck. I tried all I knew how to make the relationship better, make the family work. If we hadn't had children, I would have made a quick exit before our first anniversary. At first the baby was a wonderful focus & many times enough for me. I stayed in the marriage until I couldn't, & also saw that the family dynamics weren't good for the kids either. The way I am, I live with something making the best of it until I hit the wall & then I'm past done. Like with my hair - I'll work with the length & thickness until one day I'm just done - & then immediately go & get it drastically cut & thinned. That's what happened in the first marriage. I could have gotten out at any time, & I did. It's the second time around that I was stuck, economically, & mentally. I'd sacrificed all I cared about to live with him & couldn't call it quits or it all would have been in vain. I had myself in a psychological stranglehold. That's something we often find ourselves in when it's an abusive relationship.

I don't really have a lesson for you right now on those 2 things on my heart, except don't let yourself get into that position. Getting there is usually a long time coming, & we aren't aware of what we're setting ourselves up for. I'm sure this is a topic for another time, & that what I'm to say about it will come to me. These things will perk in my mind for awhile. That's what I do with unresolved problems, issues, questions or a need for healing. If it doesn't come immediately, it stays working in my subconscious until the answers come, or are given. So the lesson for today is simply not to stress or take "failures" to heart because they're the path to all success. No one gets it all right the first time, so don't expect yourself too. Be kind to yourself in all ways.

Wish to Live a Transparent Life, As a True Example

I live a fairly transparent life, especially since starting this blog. Believe me, there's very little I hold back from you or anyone else. Until I was in my 30s I was the "Dirty Little Secret" Keeper. I thought it was my dirty little secret, so terrible that not even I knew what it was. When I finally recovered the repressed memories of my childhood, I realized it wasn't anything I'd done - it was what had been done to me. Still, it was very hard to speak it. I made myself at times, to a few, & it was cathartic. But I still in many ways kept the secret for 9 more years, only letting it out a little more as I became more indignant at what I'd suffered. In other ways, I still kept the secret for 21 years though - until I confronted my abuser with my truth. By then, her mind was so gone that she couldn't remember enough to make it satisfying in many ways. And so it goes - many of us never get that resolution, hear a heartfelt "I'm sorry." Still, it's better to speak your truth. I ended up nearly totally liberating me. I'm still working on total liberation.

Perhaps because of being that secret keeper, I'm a weirdly honest person. The other day a friend was telling someone that as Lightworkers we'd rather be doing many other things than watching TV. And I had to tell that I actually watch TV every night. There was no reason for that other than the fact that I have such an honest, wide-open streak in me now that I had to correct the impression about me rather than let it stand as if my behavior was in total agreement. I noticed at the time how uselessly honest that was, especially when she said she wasn't saying there was anything wrong with watching TV, which is true. It made me think about why I felt compelled to tell my truth. The other thing it did was further help me define why I watch TV at night, always when I'm taking "me time" as I wind down for bed. I actually use it to shut down my mind & turn off the energies. Another way I could do it would be to read a novel, but not a metaphysical book - that would actually recharge the energies. Plenty of people have their devotional, study, prayer or meditation time at night. I have mine in the morning & then whenever throughout the day & evening. Since this is my life, that's part of what I shut off when preparing for bed. I thought of it as kind of downloading my brain.

I'm not going to now tell you everything I've ever done that I'm not proud of, or even current ones. But I will tell you that I've forgiven myself for every one of them & realized why I did them. I would tell if asked - I no longer carry shame. It's a wonderful feeling. I'll also say that I still have some habits that I wouldn't want scrutinized - I'm glad I now live alone. They're nothing terrible - I just embarrass easily. So what I'm going to work on in the coming year, as you work on your changes, is the same program. I made my list of things I wish to change or behaviors I wish to adopt. I came up with a list of 12-14 things depending on whether I decide to give up caffeine & sodas. Ten of them are personal & 2 are business habits. I'm already working on the business ones & will have them implemented & cemented into habit by the end of February if not before. I know the holidays are a business nightmare & that my other big holiday (Groundhog Day, of course) throws me off course for about 2 weeks or so at the end of January, beginning of February. Again, notice my philosophy of giving yourself a break when you need it. For me, it's Groundhog Day, which is a week-long event of the highest magnitude in my life. For most of you, it would be a vacation some time in the summer probably, & of course, the Christmas/New Years holiday season for most of us. Of the 10 personal ones, I'm pledging to conquer one a month. The one for January is to stop smoking. I tried this past weekend, then did myself in. As a Lightworker & healer, I want to be the best example of good health & vitality & smoking doesn't fit in. It's also not a wise use of the abundance & prosperity I'm working to manifest. So, now it's time for you to make your own lists. If you'd like to share the list with me, I can help hold you accountable. I can help you with strategies. Or if you'd like to share your January plan... You can email me privately at cwfjennylea & that's a gmail.com address. One of my goals with my plan for change is that I want to be able to be entirely transparent, to live my life without that feeling of keeping even the slightest secret. I want to always be open to complete scrutiny, not that I'm going to get it, except from the most accepting, forgiving beings around - God & the angels. And I want you to understand that this isn't a goal for the new year, this is something I do any time of year when it feels right & I'm ready to make a change. The timing here is actually that I just finally moved into a new home that's a whole huge entire change for me, & will facilitate all the rest of the changes I want to make because my life has changed so much for the better. I'd be starting the program of changing myself today except for giving myself a break for the holidays & knowing that I'm still unpacking, getting settled. Which reminds me of another thing to add to my list - to always mentally be kind to myself instead of pressuring myself to achieve or allowing others to exert pressure on me. I need to look back at my resolutions regarding that, self care, etc from months ago because I still haven't achieved those. That's an important point, for tomorrow's blog.

Changing in Baby Steps

Today I got to listen in on a teleconference about learning to work as a life coach. It was highly informative for me. One of the biggest things I learned is that rather than being trained for it in this lifetime, I've been commissioned to do this, trained in previous lives. More on that concept in the blog next week on Lightworkers. The other thing I learned is that one of the most effective things I do in life coaching is teach people that change comes in baby steps. I touched on this a little yesterday but want to elaborate on it today.

When we're trying to change habits or develop new behaviors, it's best to give yourself a limited time period rather than thinking "forever" & to start small. It's pretty easy for people to see that with diets, & there's lots of information out there about how to do that. They tell you not to forbid yourself your favorite foods, to give yourself time off for holidays, to plan for small portions of it from time to time. That helps take out the "forever" feeling that leads to failure. It enables you to make a total lifestyle change rather than "dieting," which is the kind of change we're talking about here - it applies to changing all habits or adopting new behaviors. In fact, "lifestyle" changes is a better way to think of this process than "resolutions" or "changing bad habits."

Let's talk about when I first started learning to play the clarinet, in 4th grade. I was to practice 15 minutes a day, & even that was painful for me. I basically had to be forced most days. I hated it because I wasn't any good. And of course I was playing the most simple things, only a few notes. It was quite awhile before I learned enough to play a full scale & then a simple song. The teacher started us small in practice time & small in that with only a few notes. By 12th grade, I was voluntarily practicing 3 hours a day, & it was all a joy. I was playing Mozart's Clarinet Concerto, complicated exercises & all the scales, major & minor. I was good enough to start college as a music major. I would have missed so much if I hadn't practiced, had quit, or if the teacher had started me off wrong, like with Mozart. So too when you want to learn any new behavior, as well as unlearn habits.

The example given in today's teleconference was great. A woman said she wasn't exercising at all these days & wanted to exercise an hour a day, 5 days a week. The coach talked with her about doing baby steps. If she set the goal from 0 - 1 hour X 5 per week, she wouldn't follow through. He asked her what the minimum, baby step she knew she could follow through on, & she decided on 15 minutes a day, 5 days a week. Even then, she was at first reluctant to commit. He asked leading questions about what would change for the better vs. the consequences of not exercising, & she came up with her own motivation to do it. She agreed to the baby steps to start with, so that she would follow through. That's what you need to do with whatever you want to change. The goal isn't for her to never do more than 15 minutes a day - the goal is to go from 0 to activity. So too, your goal is to create or banish a behavior, & most of us are starting from 0 so we need to make the first step easily doable, then go up from there. More on this later.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back - Progress

In the book I'm reading by Mike Dooley on manifesting change, as quoted before, he talks about using GPS to find a place 2 hours away that you've never been before. He said nothing looks familiar & you don't see the progress you're making until you reach your destination. So it is with manifestation. You don't necessarily see it happening until it appears. I'm going to use that for progress too, because most people don't recognize the progress they make until they succeed in whatever it is. Further, the first time I go some place I usually make a mistake along the way. The other day I mapquested a friend's house less than 4 miles from mine, & carefully followed the directions. I was supposed to make a slight left 0.3 miles after crossing an intersection, so I reset my trip odometer as I went through it. I made that slight left & it was the wrong road, so I tried the next one, & maybe even one more. Each time I went down about 2 blocks, then had to turn around. Eventually I went up far enough & found the right road, found my friend's house immediately. For most people, progress is 2 steps forward & 1 step back, or so it seems, but that's still progress. I was willing to continue looking, had faith in the spirit of the directions. I had previous experience with mapquest & kind of knew the area, had faith in my ability to find where I was going, so I just kept working at it. If I'd quit & gone home at my first or second mistake, I would have missed out on a wonderful evening, the gift of a new book I really wanted, & he also lent me 4 others I'm very eager to read. We had a lovely visit at his new house & then at mine, & a wonderful dinner together. All because I had faith in myself, in my direction, & I didn't quit at the first or even second problem or mistake.

Yesterday I talked about changing habits & organizing your life with a specific planner. I want to take that idea further today, more into changing our habits & making our life the best it can be. First, let's talk about habits. They took time to get firmly into place & they take time to change. But they absolutely can be changed with determination. I challenge each of you to make a list of all you wish to change about yourself & your life - habits you wish to change, new ways of being you wish to adopt. This needs to be your list, your priorities. It can't be things others wish you to change that you don't want to or can't. For example, my daughter's husband once said he married her hoping to change her from being ADD. Well, she'd love that too but even with medication, it's firmly entrenched in her being. It's not a character flaw or a bad habit she can just banish with determination. She's learned ways to cope, ways around it to be as functional as possible. We all have that within our power, but we can't just change chemical imbalances & the results thereof with determination. Healing from these things is another topic for another time. But this brings me to an important point. If you're getting pressure from a spouse or roommate to change something about yourself, only put it on your list if it's something YOU want to change. Sometimes we want to in order to live in peace with the spouse or roommate or significant other. Sometimes we simply need them to cease & desist, & be firm about it. Perhaps that firmness is something that needs to go on your list. But it's like smoking, & the talk I had with the friend I had over for dinner the other day. He knows as a Lightworker he should be an example & quit but he doesn't want to at this point. And as with all habits, if you aren't motivated to do it for yourself, it's no use trying for all the "should" reasons. It's tough to break most habits, so you have to be entirely motivated for your own reasons. I can't come from the "shoulds" of others. To me, "should" is a very bad word. Again, another topic for another time.

So I challenge each of you to make your own list of things you'd like to change, & make a pact with yourself & me to change them in the new year. Give yourself a break over the holidays & enjoy yourself, knowing you'll get to business with the new year. Tomorrow I'll be sharing some of what's on my list, & my plan for change, & we can do it together. With all the changes going on these days, it's time to make these changes. Most of all, it's time to release all that no longer serves us, & heal from the past & move on, progress in life. I can help you with all that!

It's Getting to be New Years Resolution Time

Personally, I don't make New Years resolutions. I make resolutions throughout the year whenever I feel the need for change. I set myself a goal of 21 days, then 3 months, depending on what needs to be changed, or simply, forever. Reading my "I Am" & Manifestation Statements aloud each morning is one of the forever things, with the statements changing as needed. But for many, the new year is a good time to start a new way of conduct, new habits, get rid of old habits that no longer serve. What reminded me of this is it's time to buy a new planner for 2012.

I recommend for all of you going to www.plannerpads.com & investing $32.94 (including S&H) in a spiral bound, personal 6 3/4 X 8 1/2 planner (dated edition). Note: I make nothing off of this, don't have some kind of deal with them. An adult friend with ADD gave me one last January, told me how helpful it's been to her, how it totally helped her organize her life & how to use it. Within weeks of the time I started using it, it transformed my life!!! At that point I was totally overwhelmed by the magnitude of what I had to accomplish. I had to try to find further evidence of my then husband's crime to keep him in jail (which meant going through a house full of boxes), had to find the paperwork to use to file my mother's taxes for the last 7 years, had to file for county assistance since I had no income, had to handle paperwork for my mother's care; all the while taking care of her, keeping up with her many doctors' appointments, keeping up with past due bills before having utilities cut off... You get a glimpse of the picture without the magnitude. Trust me, you couldn't begin to comprehend all I was juggling & going through at once. I couldn't sleep at night because of things nagging at me, had everything I had to accomplish floating around in my head all at once, & had half lists of things I had to do all over my desk, living room, & kitchen. And I know most people live like I was living at that time, or a milder version thereof.

This planner is divided into 3 ample sections & shows you one week spread out over 2 pages. The top section is for planning, the middle section is for tasks for the day, the bottom is for any set appointments. The way you use this planner is: first write any set appointments in the bottom section under the correct date & include the time, put anything that has to be done on a certain day in the middle section under that day, write all you wish or need to accomplish that week in the top section. You can divide that top section into categories if you wish. I have one for spiritual, one for my business, one for Shaklee, & a large section for personal business. Once you've filled in the middle & bottom sections with the musts like set appointments, & the top, you can do your planning. At that point, you look at what's across the top & divide it up by day according to what's already going on that day, that week. If I'm going some place new one day, I assign myself to mapquest it the day before, in that middle section. That's part of my comfort zone, so I know what time I have to leave & have everything ready the next day. I function best when I go to bed having all I need ready for the next day. I have a tote I fill with whatever I need including the directions.

The beauty of the planner is that I can assign myself things according to priorities & available time each day. That way nothing gets neglected but I don't overload myself on any one day. As much as possible I spread things out, rather than giving myself a very stressful day. It also means I don't have lists around anywhere, except a growing grocery list on the fridge. It all goes into the planner, & then it gets done. It doesn't all need to go into the week I'm working in or the following week either - I can also assign weeks by priority. I have everything in my planner except project ideas for my business. I have a separate notebook for that, because that pleases me. But when I'm ready to research for one of the projects, or start it, it goes into the planner. Anything & everything that gets done other than daily jobs like feeding the cats & household chores goes in the planner. I don't need to write down to do the dishes, laundry, or litter boxes, for example. But if I needed to, I'd put those things in there too. I have down future events too - like when the cats are due for shots, when websites are up for renewal, etc. Now I don't have trouble sleeping, don't have separate notes, don't have things nagging at me. I assign them to a day or week & forget them until it's time. It's given me peace of mind, & made me a much more efficient business person. I can entirely trust myself, tell others in confidence that I will do things & know I'll follow through. Others learn they can trust me, that I'm true to my word, & am organized & efficient. I work from home, but conduct myself as a professional, & it helps me take myself seriously. That said, I must say that despite my best efforts & wonderful planner, it hasn't always been so during the last year. The situation I was in up until the end of November wasn't conducive to being creative, efficient, living up to my own standards. And now I'm limited because most of my belongings are in boxes. I need this month to unpack, so in ways I'll be beginning along with most people, in January, to live as I intend.

Family You're Born to vs. Family of the Heart

Many of us in this generation have been born into dysfunctional family with rampant abuse & neglect, especially Lightworkers. I am one. We have the opportunity to achieve things in this lifetime, including stopping the cycle of abuse (often a multi-generational thing - our parents abused, their parents abused), healing ourselves, helping others heal, & creating our own loving families (our children, new relationships with birth family, finding our soul families). I perpetuated some of the abuse on my own children, primarily my daughter, unwittingly. I hadn't dealt with my own abuse, had blocked the memories. I didn't abuse her in most of the ways I was, her abuse wasn't severe as mine was. Still, it was damaging. I've largely reduced the damage by owning my behavior (only possible once I remembered & then dealt with my own abuse), telling her why I acted as I did (that it wasn't of her, she didn't cause it or deserve it), & apologizing from my heart for every way I abused her. I help her identify the abuse as abuse, validate her, & help her overcome her learned reactions as best I can. I am also now the unconditionally loving, giving, supportive parent I was at heart, free of the living effects of my own abuse. I have done all the work I can on healing myself, including seeking counseling, reading all I could to learn the effects & work them out, & using every healing modality presented to me at every opportunity. It's an ongoing process for me, even after 21 years of awareness, remembrance.

One of my life missions is to help others in this process. I use my past pain & experience to help & heal & encourage others. I teach ways of healing, forgiving, moving on. I teach new ways of living, acting, new attitudes. As most, I also find this facilitates further healing in me. It continues to heal my heart to help others heal theirs. When I channel Reiki, as the vessel, I too receive healing. When I give to others in love, from the compassion I have learned for myself & others, it heals my heart further. As far as forgiving our abusers, it's not saying that any of what they did is ok. It's understanding why they did what they did, understanding that under their circumstances, they did the best they could. It's acknowledging the good they did for us along with validating ourselves by acknowledging the harm, the effects in us. That's how my daughter was able to forgive me, & how I was able to forgive my parents. It doesn't mean you then need to have a close relationship with your abusers. Some are still locked into those old patterns & are unhealthy to maintain close contact with. In those cases I recommend maintaining a certain distance, boundaries that suit your needs. For years I severely limited contact with my mother but was also the recipient of guilt trips regarding her, & had her used against me by others who were trying to manipulate me. I hadn't confronted her at that time, was still to a degree keeping her dirty little secret. As long as I remained the secret keeper, I wasn't free of the shame & guilt associated with abuse - they could easily affect me & be used against me. I was able to be manipulated. My self love was also limited. Confronting your abuser is the hardest thing you'll ever do, I believe, next to living through it. I recommend doing it as soon as possible though. I didn't do it until October 2010, when I decided to take over her complete care. By then, her mind was slipping & she had no memory of her actions so there was no real resolution possible, no remorse on her part to soothe me, no real satisfaction. At least my father owned up to some of his neglect of me (I only saw him a few times in his lifetime) & I was able to detect his remorse from things I learned after his death. I learned from one of his friends how often & proudly he talked of me, for example. I also found out that one of his all-time favorite songs was, "Sunrise, Sunset," which speaks of a parent watching his little child grow up & away, with deep regret. Still makes me cry to think of the words to that song, since I can truly now cry again. After he died he gradually got right with himself & God, & came to me through a local psychic medium & expressed his regret. So even parents who never see the light on earth, will once they reach the beyond. If you're worried about their souls, this should bring you great comfort, as it did me.

Until recently, I always felt on the outside looking in on warm, loving families. I was included in some of them, including with my cousins, but never felt that I really belonged anywhere. I never felt like I had a real home other than with my beloved maternal grandparents (the ones I always talk about), or a real family. Shortly before my father died, I connected with my half sister (shared father, different mothers) & other family members & realized that I have so much in common with them despite growing up across the entire country from them. That was my first sense of real family, of belonging, & I made the most of it. Around that same time I also began receiving full benefit of the family I had created - the unconditional love of my adult children. That has been developing since then, & is very healing to my heart. They love me & my daughter seeks me, misses me when we aren't in frequent contact. She wants me to live near her so we can do things together & see each other. Even her friends love me - a reflection of the way she talks about me & the love I give to her & them. My son also expresses wanting me to live nearby, as does his fiance. It's so lovely to be wanted! Their desire to have me in their loves is in such sharp contrast to my relationship with my mother & her non-existent relationship with me & others. Years ago, before her mind went, she systematically alienated or neglected all others in relationship with her. I always strive to be the anti-Norma (her name). I measure my success as a person on that, in fact, & on whether I'm living by my own principles & standards, living true to myself.

One of the greatest gifts I've been given in the past year is an increasing soul family. Over the years I accumulated family of the heart, starting in the late 1980s at my home church. As I became more of myself I became more loving & trusting, more able to accept the love & care of others & it began. This greatly increased in the 1990s after remembering & getting great counseling for the abuse I'd suffered. As I began to accept, know, & love me, others accumulated who also loved me for me. Then just over a year ago I began to connect to my soul family, other Lightworkers (beings of Light & Love) who share the values, ideas, & spirituality I do. I never quite felt like I belonged with musicians or band members in school, although I almost did. I never fit with artists in associations. I did fit with fiber artists, since they're close to the earth & the fiber animals, one of my greatest loves, & vitally interested & involved in the old ways of doing things, work with their hands & creativity. But until I started meeting my soul group, my heart had never found a total home. Being with these others is pure joy, no matter what. I can say absolutely anything & be entirely myself. All I encounter is unconditional love, understanding, & support. Our language is the same, our attention on the same things, our hearts have the same focus & needs, as do our lives. And now I live right next door to one & can have daily contact as I wish! My heart has found heaven on earth! And my mind is blown to find in her a beautiful mother-energy for me! Long ago I found other ways to replace my need for a mother, including by being the best one to my children & all others that needed that. I quit needing & largely quit wanting it, I thought - until I began receiving it. More on that later, as the benefits unfold. This is a key to much of the healing that still needs to take place in me. Soon I'll fully understand the gift I can give to others with my mother-love.

Ways to De-stress

This is a timely topic because the holidays often induce stress in people. Most people believe that others cause stress in us but in reality all stress comes from within & is a choice. One way to de-stress is to let go of perfectionism for ourselves & others, to make our expectations of self & others more in line with reality. Another huge way is to live & cope in the now. All we ever have is today. Tomorrow is past & done & the future is always the future - it never comes or it wouldn't be called future. What we have is now - what we have direct control over is only the now, & ourselves, our choices.

I watch people & learn from them, & stress is one of the most universal problems. It's the major cause of dis-ease & relationship problems & failures. Yet I've virtually eliminated it from my life, so I can help you do it too. One of the things I've done is learn myself. I know my style, my triggers, listen to my mind & body. I know my values & who & what I am & what my life is about. Then I stay true to all that. When needed, I remind myself of what's truly important to me, & the resources I have within & outside of myself. I call on God & the angels (specific ones) when I need help from outside of myself in handling things. I also refuse to accept outside pressure, as I mentioned yesterday, & I prepare. I clean as I go & handle things as they arise. I keep my standards in my daily life so I'm ready for whatever comes. I maintain my mind, spirit, & health as much as I can, as well as my home & environment. That way things seldom pile up on me. I've let go of controlling others & circumstances, let go of a lot of the details surrounding things. I'm a planner, a detail oriented person, very organized. So I take the time ahead needed to organize things I'm controlling. I don't take on too much - I know my limits & capabilities. I used to cause myself great stress by trying to make up for lacks in my life all at once. An example is Thanksgiving. I tried to replace the large family Thanksgivings I enjoyed as a child all by myself. All the adult women in the family would bring something & gather together to collectively cook a huge feast. I tried many years to do that all on my own. Now I've let go of that. Instead, I work to create that sense of family in other ways. I've also learned to ask for & accept help. I used to set myself up for stress by not asking for help or recognizing my needs in advance. I wanted the house clean & neat, to prepare a feast & have it all come off as planned. I wouldn't ask for help in the cleaning & preparation, & end up stressed & resentful after having tried to do it all myself. Asking for help allows others to be givers too, often gives them responsibility (something many people need to have gently thrust at them), gives them a part in the outcome. I used to resent that my ex needed to be asked to do any & every type of help & would do the minimum & lose interest. I hated that he was reluctant to take any responsibility, left it all to me, & was half-hearted & acted like I was bothering him. So I always undertook everything myself & was often very stressed, plus resentful. If I had ignored my perception of the attitude & asked for help more often, it might have motivated him to be more involved in all of our lives together instead of perpetually coasting. If I had always done that, perhaps things would have turned out different - perhaps he would have seen the need for a change of behavior on his part. I truly doubt it with him, but most people have more potential than that. Thing is, I was never realistic about what I could accomplish - was always over-reaching to make up for his lack. I wasn't clear with myself or honest about my own needs & capabilities, & I didn't want to make him mad (you can't truly make anyone mad - that's their choice of attitude) or be a bother (again, a perception thing).

One key to handling situations without allowing them to become stressful is to take the long-view perspective on things. Compare the outcome or possible outcome to your values, needs, & mission & ask yourself whether this or that will matter to you or anyone else a day, week, month, or year from now, whether it will matter on the day you cross over. Usually the answer is no. Also, if you keep true to loving-kindness toward yourself & others no matter what, you're defining the overall outcome. And be sure to acknowledge yourself & what you've achieved with all these strategies. Often stress is like a headache. Once it's gone you forget it ever existed & you fail to notice it's absence. You need to acknowledge yourself for your handling of things to reinforce yourself & the strategies learned, so you can continue the ones that work for you. Be kind to yourself, then reward yourself as needed. There are some wonderful products out there to pamper yourself when you're tired & in need, & Christmas is coming! People always want to know what to get for you, so why not give them help. Hometics (I believe is the spelling) & Conair have some wonderful products - massaging foot baths, foot massage units, units that can turn your tub into a kind of jacuzzi, hand held massagers, & even a chair size or bed sized mat to sit or lie on that can provide heat & massage. And I make many products with essential oils that aid sleep, stress reduction, migraines, & muscle aches including bath salts, linen sprays, & face pillows.

Letting Go of Perfection

Perfectionism is one of the most destructive forces we can perpetuate. It damages & stifles souls & creation. I didn't paint for 30 years because I was blocked, feeling I couldn't put create what I wanted on canvas. When I finally started again, it took awhile for my style to emerge & what emerged it not what I'd envisioned. However, it has merit, & has brought me joy & began to fulfill what I was stifling in myself. I never thought of any other form of art as needing perfection, realized that some of the charm of hand-made is that no 2 are alike. It was only in painting that I allowed that kind of blockage. In all else, I was pleased to create the best I could, improve as I went along, & be happy with what I was doing. I found it very fulfilling, as I now find painting.

We often perpetuate a need for perfection on ourselves & others, which is very damaging, especially when directed at our children. Many of you have been damaged by this from your own parents, so you know just what I mean. Demanding perfection in ourselves or others is the direct opposite of unconditional love. It creates great stress, feelings of inadequacy, the feeling that the person is never good enough, can't do enough, can't be enough. This is one of the deepest sorrows a person can carry. It eats away at all else good in someone's life.

The way to let go of perfection is acceptance of ourselves & others just as we are. That doesn't mean you want to keep the status quo & never learn, grown, & change. That simply means we accept ourselves & others as we are now, & love the whole as is. We can want more for ourselves & others but not insist. We need to allow the process of change to flow, love the process, love the person where he/she is at the moment. It's about appreciating the moment & all that's in it, living in the moment. If we always make the best of things as they are now, are grateful for what is in the now, that's part of how to let go of perfection. That alone opens the door to removing expectations & perfectionism. Remember that you can never change anyone but yourself & that changing ourselves comes about in gradual steps. The best way to make changes is one at a time & systematically, daily. If you work at anything for a steady 21 days you begin to set a pattern. When you follow through for 3 months, you've achieved the change & you can take on the next one. Many of us are impatient & want it all now but that's not the way change works. Just like with playing an instrument, it takes practice. If you don't do the steady work to make a change, you'll be exactly where you are now 3 months from now. The 3 months will pass anyway. Why not control & direct the outcome? When I undertook my life changes in September & October of 2010 I realized I had about a year of work ahead of me, & that's exactly what I had. That can be daunting to many but I realized that I'd been living with my ex for 10 years at that time. One year to overcome the effects seemed minor in comparison. Besides, I sure didn't want the status quo to exist a year later. It's like losing weight after years of gain. If you've been gaining for 12 years & it takes you 12 months to lose it, you're doing a tremendous job.

As far as changing others, you simply can't. All you can change is how you view & deal with that person. I touch on that in Friday's blog so I'm not going to write a lot about it here. But we all have choices as to whom we choose to spend time with & how much, the nature of the relationship, etc. If you need to, go back & read the blog on boundaries, shields, & walls. If you wish to have a graceful life with less stress, you'll let go of your expectations of others & take them as they are. We can often help others see the need for changes by example or loving suggestion, but that's really all we can do outside of prayer. What we can adjust is our actions, attitudes, & reactions, our expectations & the amount of love, time, & attention we give that person, even whether there's a place for him/her in our life. Those are the only healthy ways to relate to ourselves & others - healthy for them & for us.

Wishes for Our Children

We all have wishes for the lives of our children. Some are healthy, some are not. My children are 25 (boy) & 30 (daughter). By now, my wishes for them are clearly defined. The healthy mother in me always had very healthy wishes for them as they grew up. Unfortunately, in practice I demanded much more than that. I tried controlling them because I felt I could, whereas I didn't feel in control of my own life. That's a common mistake parents make. They feel their role is to raise & train their children when in fact are biggest role is to love them, try to prepare them for life & society, & to be the best example we can be. In many ways I was a very good example to them - of ways to give to others even without abundance in our own lives, in how to set boundaries for ourselves (although I sometimes violated theirs), in self-control & handling responsibilities. I often demanded perfection from them because that's what I learned growing up. Tomorrow's post is about how to let go of perfection. That's another big mistake people often make. You can teach your children by example how to be loving toward others (costs nothing), to pray for others, to care, to give as you are able. You can teach them to give time, kindness, & to share with others rather than be greedy. You can teach them to care for the feelings of others, & how to take care of themselves, to reach out for help as needed. Most of all, you need to be a source of unconditional love rather than constant training. Children learn best by love & example.

My daughter has become the very compassionate, understanding, loving woman I wished her to be. She lives by the philosophies I taught her, my golden rule of always being kind & caring toward others in every big & little way you can. She takes every opportunity to be giving & caring, mostly giving of herself. She's also very accepting of the flaws in others. She knew I'd be late coming in on her birthday. She knows I have trouble getting myself going when it comes to leaving the house, & that there would be a lot of traffic. She wanted to share her favorite restaurant with me & bless me on her birthday. She knew better than to make reservations, & was quite graceful when I called from Hagerstown & was about 2 hours away despite the fact that it was around the time I'd originally planned to arrive at her house. I was touched by her grace, acceptance, understanding, her lack of stress. I was also so touched by her excitement to share the surprise of restaurant destination, her delight in sharing this special dinner with me.

However, I still have unfulfilled wishes for her in her life. The biggest one that I want for her (within herself) is to show herself that same spirit of loving acceptance, that unconditional love. I was not a good example for her but I am now. I want her to de-stress, to quit caring what others think of her & not accept their judgments, to treat herself with the same respect & kindness she shows others. Then others in her life will do the same for her, or be discarded & replaced. Did you hear that? That's the proper thing to do when we have those who drain us, use us, & don't properly respect & appreciate us. It can be a friend, co-worker, boss, or family member - doesn't matter. You have to set your boundaries & set the example of how you need to be treated & limit the time & influence of anyone you can't outright eliminate that doesn't treat you as you deserve & need. We can't always eliminate a dysfunctional boss, co-worker or family member. If you aren't able to change your logistics to eliminate the dysfunction you have to set your boundaries within yourself & manage your environment (inner & outer) to minimize the effects. It also helps to understand where that person is coming from. Often understanding that the dysfunction comes from a lack in the other person gives you an opportunity to change the situation by changing how to relate to him/her. One great tool for learning to do that is the book by Dr. Gary Chapman, "The 5 Love Languages." It addresses, in depth, the ways individuals give & receive love & how learning that can facilitate healing relationships. But sometimes the true answer is just to release someone in love & move on with your life without him/her. That's sometimes necessary in letting go of what no longer serves us.

My other greatest wish for my daughter is in response to her greatest wish - healthy, full term babies from her womb. This doesn't come from a desire for grandchildren - there's no self-interest involved here although that would be ok if there were. Personally, my greatest wishes for my children have nothing to do with marriage, children or traditional success. My wish has been for them to find their passions in life & live them fully & daily (& find & develop their individual gifts), & to be the most kind, compassionate, giving, & loving people (to themselves & others) that they can be, & to find & follow their spiritual path, embrace & live it fully. To me, those 3 things comprise success in life. I want them to have the best lives for themselves that they can. I compare what I was like at their ages to where they are on those goals, & I am satisfied. I watch them struggle as individuals with things I've conquered & so wish that I could move them forward beyond them, spare them. But that's not within our realm & power as parents, & that's a very important thing to learn as early as possible. If you lead by example & you gave them a good & loving foundation, they will learn these things for themselves, as they must. We must set the rules & boundaries while they're still in our care, to protect & teach them, but at each age we must be willing to let them fly free & learn for themselves as much as possible. That's an important part of unconditional love.

Changing Habits

Some old bad habits die hard, like avoidance. I tend to avoid self care & desk work including facing finances, handling administrative problems. I'd rather do just about anything but then they're always hanging over your head (said problems & bills) & become much larger problems. They become time & energy drains that could have been handled more easily in the beginning. There are 2 things I do about this, besides my attitude toward myself & others of "just do it." One thing - I cut myself some slack when I need it. When I have too much else going on & I'm already doing a bunch of the "tough stuff" I give myself a break. I don't assign myself too much of the stuff way outside my comfort zone in any one day or week. You have to know yourself. I know I handle things better when I'm clear thinking & ready mentally & emotionally to tackle it. I know I can trust myself to do the tough things within the time given, can put it off a little. When it becomes necessary for my head to do them, I have the mental capacity to handle them & do, before they become too much of a drain or problem. I'm reliable, accountable to myself. Some people thrive on deadlines & chaos. I used to do well when things reached a crisis or deadline point, back when I was very Type A. (Yep, I really was, funny as that will seem to you. Back in the 90s especially - my job, single parenting.) Now I don't let things get to that point because I function better without the pressure. Another thing I do is set my own priorities & boundaries. Just because someone else wants you to do something by a certain date doesn't mean you have to live by that, whether it's a bureaucrat (famous for those things) or a friend, co-worker, or family member. Especially when it comes to handling my mother's affairs I'm very good at making a call & asking for help or a time extension or lesser paperwork to file. I realize I'm doing the work for her as a courtesy, not a requirement, & that my life & needs come first. No one else is taking care of my needs so if I don't put myself first then I end up lacking because someone else wants me to take care of her affairs. Notice the placement of the words "needs" & "wants" in the previous sentence. Those are very important words in this case. If you don't take care of your own needs, someone else has to & then no one gets their wants taken care of. People are not limitless resources to expend without maintenance & care, so you & I aren't either.

Many things got set aside in the move & my desk is a mess of papers & mail. Things that I need to take action on or put away. Normally my desk is clear of these because they're filed by when they need to be handled (like bills) & set up by priority. I haven't had that opportunity, as more has piled in every day. Part of not assigning myself too much was to wait on everything that could. Then I gave myself a few days last week to rest as needed & participate in spiritual activities, feed my heart & soul. Now it's time to clear my desk, as working on my personal needs. It's time to set my world to rights. I have a great need for cleanliness & order so one of my priorities is setting up all my spaces to be fully functional.

This is the real beginning of my new life. The last year has been in preparation. I set the stage (started my own company, took classes, did lots of spiritual work on my own), met many of the players (as in, some of my soul group, who have become very close & beloved friends), & cleared the stage of as much of the old as possible (spiritual, emotional & physical healing & clearing & clearing of space). I built a whole new set (friends, new relationships with family & myself, even a new home). Now, in the same philosophy of giving myself a break & not trying to accomplish all at once, I'm going to work on optimal self care, balance, & wholeness with a renewed effort. I had great intentions about self care about 6 months ago but didn't follow through on them. Now is the time to start implementing the things I'm lacking in regarding that, one by one. With kindness toward self & compassion, I will begin to put myself first in my intent - in my relationship with my body. I've already been doing that with my soul, spirit, emotions. I will not assign myself too many changes at once or pressure myself, but will flow into this as the priorities present themselves. I will handle these changes with grace & compassion, & forgiveness if needed. I tell you all this because I know I'm only one needing to do this - most of you who read this need to do these things too. Allow yourself to put your needs first. Recognize that this is the way the universe works, that this is not selfishness. Then don't try to do it all at once & cut yourself some slack. It's not about forcing change - it's about allowing change as you recognize the need & feel it within yourself. I wasn't ready before, when I intended to do it. Now I am. In my heart & soul I recognize the need & my heart has been opened to these changes. That allows me to make them gradually, with grace. If you need to, pray about it, meditate, until your heart is in alignment with your head on this, & you're therefore ready.

Part 2 of 2 - Day 2 of My New Life

When I talked of manifestation yesterday I left out an important point - "the cursed how's." Mike Dooley brought the mechanics of manifestation home to me with that phrase, first learned in the "Thoughts Become Things" DVD. When working to manifest, you picture & set your mind on the end result only, in as much general detail as you need, then let the universe work out how it's going to get you there. Yesterday I shared how the universe directly manifested the details I'd set forth. I only put in the details that really mattered to me: cozy, home of my own (versus having a roommate), including the cats, suiting us entirely, room for all my current interests & passions & all that entailed. I knew our needs entirely & put just enough detail in there to make sure all our needs would be met. Later paragraphs of my manifestation statements also speak to this & I didn't list those yesterday but they include physical & spiritual comfort & safety for me & the cats & the flow of abundance. It also includes the other things I need & want in my life like health, strength, the ability to travel at will to visit family & friends & participate in events. All these needed to be addressed because of the lacks I wanted to cure in my life. I had been living small by necessity & needed that to change. I once wrote a blog, months ago, about living small vs. living large, etc. If you haven't read it, please research it in my old blogs. It never hurts to go back & read many even if you've read them before. I'm seldom the one to write them - they're usually channeled. Anyway, I was general but detailed in the things that truly mattered in my picture of the end result & put nothing in there about how to get there. That's the job of the universe. I never could have orchestrated what happened on my own! This was set in motion more than a year ago! I "happened" to call a stranger who told me I'm a healer & should become attuned to Reiki, which I'd never heard of. That was September of 2010 after a call in August 2010 to a friend about ways to piece together a living when you don't have a job. The stranger became a close friend immediately & in June 2011 told me about the woman who is now my neighbor & business partner. She in turn suggested I rent this house next door to her, told me the woman was going to put it up for rent in November, & then provided her contact information. I couldn't have dreamed that he knew her, that she & I would become so close (he was surprised too at how close we've gotten), that this house would be available, & that the woman who owns it would be such a super Christian that she listened to God instead of people & rented to me against all odds. My part was to believe in the goodness available to me & go for it - to move in the direction of fulfilling my dreams. I had to scrape together the $20 for the credit check, then the money for the security deposit, when the owner decided to rent to me. But friends & family came to my aid then, & when it was time to move. It even included more strangers, who were led to help me move for free! All this is because the universe decided I was ready & it was time for me to move forward with my work. Mike Dooley likens the process to GPS. You tell it your intended destination & it maps out for you how to get from where you are to where you intend to go. The only difference he also covers. If your destination is a town you've never been to, as you go along you don't see that you're really getting there until you arrive. Nothing is familiar because you've never been there before. You're accepting that the GPS knows the way & you only see when you arrive that it was correct & your faith was well-placed. I couldn't see that the universe was moving me forward to my manifestation but I had faith when things seemed to be moving forward - faith enough to keep moving in the direction indicated. I put myself out there - contacted the home owner, saw the house, filled out the application & obtained the $20, followed that up with a note about how much I wanted to rent this house & what it would mean to me. I also put out on Facebook that I wanted to rent a house in Pittsburgh, & had been doing the work to clear the space where I was living. That's the thing I talk about when I talk about doing the work before you, whatever it is. The only way I was able to pull off this move in a timely manner (found out October 21 that I was taking possession on November 1) was because I'd been steadily clearing out the old house of all that no longer served me. I'd also been cleaning as I went along, so when the owner of this house wanted to come out & see how I was living, all the rooms I'd done were already neat & clean. She saw what I still had to accomplish to clear out the mess I'd been left with vs. what I'd achieved in the rest of the house & could see what kind of person & housekeeper I am. I was nearly done with the main house when I found out I was moving & that put a clearing of the old house by November 30 within reach. If I'd been lazy or too depressed to accomplish what I had, she would have rejected me as a tenant, & rightly so. A year ago every room in the house was filled with unopened & half boxes & clutter thanks to the 2 extra people living there. It was nothing like the clean, peaceful environment I created in every room I tackled. Our part is faithful duty to every task that falls to us, to do our best every day to create what we want & need in our lives as the opportunities for service arise. It's not up to us to figure out how to make things happen, only do what we're given to do. Does that make sense? If not, please tell me because this is a hugely important concept. If you need a certain income & want a fulfilling job, don't tell the universe you want to work for Westinghouse in the accounting department & make $50,000 per year because the universe might put you at Google in the travel department making $100,000 per year & also satisfy your desire for international travel. Instead, tell the universe you want abundance & prosperity & a satisfying job using your talents. Then start applying for jobs or taking classes to get your skills up or both - whatever you need to do to move in the direction of your goals. The universe then starts opening & closing doors, presenting opportunities for you to do the work & move forward toward the manifestation. One way to move forward is a sure thing - write your manifestation statements & start with "I am manifesting:" & end with "So be it!" Then read them aloud once every morning before you start your day. That sets your intent in motion in your mind & heart. Even on days when you aren't "feeling it," it guides your choices & actions. It also tells the universe that you're serious about this. Do that & whatever presents itself to you to be done in a day & toward your goal & it WILL happen. It can seem to come "out of the blue" because like traveling to a new destination for the first time, you don't recognize the area - but it WILL come! Happy manifesting! Then comes the joy of discovery & getting to live within your dreams! I wish you fulfillment of "beyond your wildest dreams"!

Starting a New Chapter - The Power of Manifestation - Part 1 of 2

When I was a child I thought of my life as a book. After a new period started I'd see a fresh chapter with blank pages. I knew what was in the previous chapters but the page had been turned & the past a closed chapter. You don't normally go back & read previous chapters in a book (mine was hard cover), you move forward to see what happens next. Turns out there's a psychological term for this & that it's common among abuse survivors. That I visualized it as such at a young age shows that early-on I had perception & insight, & great survival capabilities. I've lived with this book image for all the life that I can remember. It's an innate part of me. And so I know that a new chapter begins today! I've been writing the final paragraphs leading to this chapter since summer. Pretty much all I did was sell off furniture from my old life (belonging to the family of my newly ex), getting rid of all that no longer served me. I also did the emotional work to heal & clear my life, & learned & experienced all I could that was of my new life & my work for God. I transformed the place where I was living to suit the life I wanted for myself, room by room, & actively worked to manifest what I needed in my life. I believe it was mid August when I finally connected by phone & later in person with a woman named Sandy, who was living the things I wanted to manifest in my life, upon the recommendation of the guy who first brought me to Reiki. Something she said led me to write my "I Am" statements & clear my language of all negative statements beginning with "I am..." like "I am tired." I also wrote my manifestation statements around that time, then lined out my work with specific angels in charge of the things I wanted in my life. By the end of August I started reading all the above out loud every day, as I've recommended in previous blogs.

What happened was a miracle in my mind & turns out to be truly amazing to others. But now that I'm finally reading Mike Dooley's book (he of tut.com), "Manifesting Change: It Couldn't Be Easier" I see that what happened was inevitable. Please obtain a copy of this book & read it. This is such a good book that I wish to own my own copy & have one to lend. If you can't find it any other way, you can purchase it on the tut.com website. The amazing thing is how directly the manifestation worked! I have mine broken down into 3 paragraphs & each one starts with "I am manifesting..." The other day the words "I have a cozy home of my own that suits us entirely." Then I realized that was part of my manifestation statement (my mind included the cats in that statement, as always). So here's what the first paragraph says, broken down into 3 sentences. "I am manifesting: A cozy home of my own with the cats that suits us entirely, with room inside or a separate building on the property to accommodate all my work, current interests, & passions. It includes a studio, treatment room, gathering room/yarn & spa shop, & the Cattitude shop, my spinning wheel. People come to my home for visits, classes, Reiki or other treatments/help as needed, & knitting gatherings - people are drawn to me at this home." The amazing thing is, that paragraph manifested all into one room except the treatment room! All one paragraph, all one room. This house is nothing like I pictured when I pictured manifestation but I didn't put that mental picture into the statements. I therefore didn't limit the universe. This house is however a lot like what was in my heart when I pictured the manifestation. Mentally I pictured a Victorian with lots of large rooms. In my heart I pictured a small, cozy cottage with charm & gardens, & that's what my living space is like, the upstairs. The downstairs is an amazing manifestation for my work - one long, wide enough room that's finished, for the gatherings, my studio, my office, products to sell, & an adjacent cement space with room for my beloved grandmother's stove & work space. It used to be in her basement & she made candles & candy on it. I'll use that space & her stove for the same things, & teaching these things. This is the 4th house that stove has been moved to since she died & I'll finally be using it, as originally intended. I'll finally have my shops in my home, as I've wanted since I was a young adult. I'll finally be fulfilling all my heart's desires for my life - serving God as intended, working with all my talents & God-given skills, ministering to people & animals, improving the lives of animals & especially cats, having my own shops & selling my paintings & crafts, having gatherings, making a great living working from home & going out as I wish. There is so much more to it than that & so many details I'm leaving out. My heart hasn't entirely gotten in touch with it all yet because these dreams & needs have been so long in coming to fruition.

But as of yesterday I'm finally done clearing the other house. Now all I possess is in my new home & my life can entirely move forward. I get to play house & nest in my space! This is a much smaller house than I've ever had but for once I don't have to accommodate another person or be keeper of other people's stuff that they wouldn't part with but don't want to handle. I had that burden for 11 full years & it really got old very early-on. I lived in & cleared out the houses of classic hoarders & was left with the physical burden of clearing their spaces largely without help or resources. Handling just my own stuff is a breeze & a joy. It seemed to those helping me move like I have a lot of stuff & I do - I do many arts & crafts & have loads of supplies, & I'm a nester, a cook, a homebody who likes to have my comforts & things. I've talked about this before - making your space yours, homey. But compared to what I've lived with for the last 11 years what I have is nothing, & small. As a small person, I tend toward smaller & lighter furniture & efficient storage. I love dual purpose furnishings, know how to make the most of my space. More tomorrow!