Ways to De-stress

This is a timely topic because the holidays often induce stress in people. Most people believe that others cause stress in us but in reality all stress comes from within & is a choice. One way to de-stress is to let go of perfectionism for ourselves & others, to make our expectations of self & others more in line with reality. Another huge way is to live & cope in the now. All we ever have is today. Tomorrow is past & done & the future is always the future - it never comes or it wouldn't be called future. What we have is now - what we have direct control over is only the now, & ourselves, our choices.

I watch people & learn from them, & stress is one of the most universal problems. It's the major cause of dis-ease & relationship problems & failures. Yet I've virtually eliminated it from my life, so I can help you do it too. One of the things I've done is learn myself. I know my style, my triggers, listen to my mind & body. I know my values & who & what I am & what my life is about. Then I stay true to all that. When needed, I remind myself of what's truly important to me, & the resources I have within & outside of myself. I call on God & the angels (specific ones) when I need help from outside of myself in handling things. I also refuse to accept outside pressure, as I mentioned yesterday, & I prepare. I clean as I go & handle things as they arise. I keep my standards in my daily life so I'm ready for whatever comes. I maintain my mind, spirit, & health as much as I can, as well as my home & environment. That way things seldom pile up on me. I've let go of controlling others & circumstances, let go of a lot of the details surrounding things. I'm a planner, a detail oriented person, very organized. So I take the time ahead needed to organize things I'm controlling. I don't take on too much - I know my limits & capabilities. I used to cause myself great stress by trying to make up for lacks in my life all at once. An example is Thanksgiving. I tried to replace the large family Thanksgivings I enjoyed as a child all by myself. All the adult women in the family would bring something & gather together to collectively cook a huge feast. I tried many years to do that all on my own. Now I've let go of that. Instead, I work to create that sense of family in other ways. I've also learned to ask for & accept help. I used to set myself up for stress by not asking for help or recognizing my needs in advance. I wanted the house clean & neat, to prepare a feast & have it all come off as planned. I wouldn't ask for help in the cleaning & preparation, & end up stressed & resentful after having tried to do it all myself. Asking for help allows others to be givers too, often gives them responsibility (something many people need to have gently thrust at them), gives them a part in the outcome. I used to resent that my ex needed to be asked to do any & every type of help & would do the minimum & lose interest. I hated that he was reluctant to take any responsibility, left it all to me, & was half-hearted & acted like I was bothering him. So I always undertook everything myself & was often very stressed, plus resentful. If I had ignored my perception of the attitude & asked for help more often, it might have motivated him to be more involved in all of our lives together instead of perpetually coasting. If I had always done that, perhaps things would have turned out different - perhaps he would have seen the need for a change of behavior on his part. I truly doubt it with him, but most people have more potential than that. Thing is, I was never realistic about what I could accomplish - was always over-reaching to make up for his lack. I wasn't clear with myself or honest about my own needs & capabilities, & I didn't want to make him mad (you can't truly make anyone mad - that's their choice of attitude) or be a bother (again, a perception thing).

One key to handling situations without allowing them to become stressful is to take the long-view perspective on things. Compare the outcome or possible outcome to your values, needs, & mission & ask yourself whether this or that will matter to you or anyone else a day, week, month, or year from now, whether it will matter on the day you cross over. Usually the answer is no. Also, if you keep true to loving-kindness toward yourself & others no matter what, you're defining the overall outcome. And be sure to acknowledge yourself & what you've achieved with all these strategies. Often stress is like a headache. Once it's gone you forget it ever existed & you fail to notice it's absence. You need to acknowledge yourself for your handling of things to reinforce yourself & the strategies learned, so you can continue the ones that work for you. Be kind to yourself, then reward yourself as needed. There are some wonderful products out there to pamper yourself when you're tired & in need, & Christmas is coming! People always want to know what to get for you, so why not give them help. Hometics (I believe is the spelling) & Conair have some wonderful products - massaging foot baths, foot massage units, units that can turn your tub into a kind of jacuzzi, hand held massagers, & even a chair size or bed sized mat to sit or lie on that can provide heat & massage. And I make many products with essential oils that aid sleep, stress reduction, migraines, & muscle aches including bath salts, linen sprays, & face pillows.