Changing Habits

Some old bad habits die hard, like avoidance. I tend to avoid self care & desk work including facing finances, handling administrative problems. I'd rather do just about anything but then they're always hanging over your head (said problems & bills) & become much larger problems. They become time & energy drains that could have been handled more easily in the beginning. There are 2 things I do about this, besides my attitude toward myself & others of "just do it." One thing - I cut myself some slack when I need it. When I have too much else going on & I'm already doing a bunch of the "tough stuff" I give myself a break. I don't assign myself too much of the stuff way outside my comfort zone in any one day or week. You have to know yourself. I know I handle things better when I'm clear thinking & ready mentally & emotionally to tackle it. I know I can trust myself to do the tough things within the time given, can put it off a little. When it becomes necessary for my head to do them, I have the mental capacity to handle them & do, before they become too much of a drain or problem. I'm reliable, accountable to myself. Some people thrive on deadlines & chaos. I used to do well when things reached a crisis or deadline point, back when I was very Type A. (Yep, I really was, funny as that will seem to you. Back in the 90s especially - my job, single parenting.) Now I don't let things get to that point because I function better without the pressure. Another thing I do is set my own priorities & boundaries. Just because someone else wants you to do something by a certain date doesn't mean you have to live by that, whether it's a bureaucrat (famous for those things) or a friend, co-worker, or family member. Especially when it comes to handling my mother's affairs I'm very good at making a call & asking for help or a time extension or lesser paperwork to file. I realize I'm doing the work for her as a courtesy, not a requirement, & that my life & needs come first. No one else is taking care of my needs so if I don't put myself first then I end up lacking because someone else wants me to take care of her affairs. Notice the placement of the words "needs" & "wants" in the previous sentence. Those are very important words in this case. If you don't take care of your own needs, someone else has to & then no one gets their wants taken care of. People are not limitless resources to expend without maintenance & care, so you & I aren't either.

Many things got set aside in the move & my desk is a mess of papers & mail. Things that I need to take action on or put away. Normally my desk is clear of these because they're filed by when they need to be handled (like bills) & set up by priority. I haven't had that opportunity, as more has piled in every day. Part of not assigning myself too much was to wait on everything that could. Then I gave myself a few days last week to rest as needed & participate in spiritual activities, feed my heart & soul. Now it's time to clear my desk, as working on my personal needs. It's time to set my world to rights. I have a great need for cleanliness & order so one of my priorities is setting up all my spaces to be fully functional.

This is the real beginning of my new life. The last year has been in preparation. I set the stage (started my own company, took classes, did lots of spiritual work on my own), met many of the players (as in, some of my soul group, who have become very close & beloved friends), & cleared the stage of as much of the old as possible (spiritual, emotional & physical healing & clearing & clearing of space). I built a whole new set (friends, new relationships with family & myself, even a new home). Now, in the same philosophy of giving myself a break & not trying to accomplish all at once, I'm going to work on optimal self care, balance, & wholeness with a renewed effort. I had great intentions about self care about 6 months ago but didn't follow through on them. Now is the time to start implementing the things I'm lacking in regarding that, one by one. With kindness toward self & compassion, I will begin to put myself first in my intent - in my relationship with my body. I've already been doing that with my soul, spirit, emotions. I will not assign myself too many changes at once or pressure myself, but will flow into this as the priorities present themselves. I will handle these changes with grace & compassion, & forgiveness if needed. I tell you all this because I know I'm only one needing to do this - most of you who read this need to do these things too. Allow yourself to put your needs first. Recognize that this is the way the universe works, that this is not selfishness. Then don't try to do it all at once & cut yourself some slack. It's not about forcing change - it's about allowing change as you recognize the need & feel it within yourself. I wasn't ready before, when I intended to do it. Now I am. In my heart & soul I recognize the need & my heart has been opened to these changes. That allows me to make them gradually, with grace. If you need to, pray about it, meditate, until your heart is in alignment with your head on this, & you're therefore ready.