Letting Go of Perfection

Perfectionism is one of the most destructive forces we can perpetuate. It damages & stifles souls & creation. I didn't paint for 30 years because I was blocked, feeling I couldn't put create what I wanted on canvas. When I finally started again, it took awhile for my style to emerge & what emerged it not what I'd envisioned. However, it has merit, & has brought me joy & began to fulfill what I was stifling in myself. I never thought of any other form of art as needing perfection, realized that some of the charm of hand-made is that no 2 are alike. It was only in painting that I allowed that kind of blockage. In all else, I was pleased to create the best I could, improve as I went along, & be happy with what I was doing. I found it very fulfilling, as I now find painting.

We often perpetuate a need for perfection on ourselves & others, which is very damaging, especially when directed at our children. Many of you have been damaged by this from your own parents, so you know just what I mean. Demanding perfection in ourselves or others is the direct opposite of unconditional love. It creates great stress, feelings of inadequacy, the feeling that the person is never good enough, can't do enough, can't be enough. This is one of the deepest sorrows a person can carry. It eats away at all else good in someone's life.

The way to let go of perfection is acceptance of ourselves & others just as we are. That doesn't mean you want to keep the status quo & never learn, grown, & change. That simply means we accept ourselves & others as we are now, & love the whole as is. We can want more for ourselves & others but not insist. We need to allow the process of change to flow, love the process, love the person where he/she is at the moment. It's about appreciating the moment & all that's in it, living in the moment. If we always make the best of things as they are now, are grateful for what is in the now, that's part of how to let go of perfection. That alone opens the door to removing expectations & perfectionism. Remember that you can never change anyone but yourself & that changing ourselves comes about in gradual steps. The best way to make changes is one at a time & systematically, daily. If you work at anything for a steady 21 days you begin to set a pattern. When you follow through for 3 months, you've achieved the change & you can take on the next one. Many of us are impatient & want it all now but that's not the way change works. Just like with playing an instrument, it takes practice. If you don't do the steady work to make a change, you'll be exactly where you are now 3 months from now. The 3 months will pass anyway. Why not control & direct the outcome? When I undertook my life changes in September & October of 2010 I realized I had about a year of work ahead of me, & that's exactly what I had. That can be daunting to many but I realized that I'd been living with my ex for 10 years at that time. One year to overcome the effects seemed minor in comparison. Besides, I sure didn't want the status quo to exist a year later. It's like losing weight after years of gain. If you've been gaining for 12 years & it takes you 12 months to lose it, you're doing a tremendous job.

As far as changing others, you simply can't. All you can change is how you view & deal with that person. I touch on that in Friday's blog so I'm not going to write a lot about it here. But we all have choices as to whom we choose to spend time with & how much, the nature of the relationship, etc. If you need to, go back & read the blog on boundaries, shields, & walls. If you wish to have a graceful life with less stress, you'll let go of your expectations of others & take them as they are. We can often help others see the need for changes by example or loving suggestion, but that's really all we can do outside of prayer. What we can adjust is our actions, attitudes, & reactions, our expectations & the amount of love, time, & attention we give that person, even whether there's a place for him/her in our life. Those are the only healthy ways to relate to ourselves & others - healthy for them & for us.