Blueprint for Changing Your Life from Wherever You Are Now - Part 3

I've often been in conversation with a gentleman older than I am who is stuck in his life. He gets stuck in his head all the time. He's trying to control every little detail & every eventuality & therefore doesn't get things done. His mind is a maze he gets lost in regularly. His house is a mess, especially his office. He can't find things he just put down, doesn't see the forest for the trees.

I am big on change, controlling self, action, & organization. I have overcome much in my life by making needed changes when I identify & face them. Those who know me most intimately also know that I have coping mechanisms I'm only partially able to control & that's what leads me into trouble. I am so good at burying my true feelings & perceptions, putting on rose colored glasses to make it through. I have to really work at knowing my true feelings & needs. But eventually I am brought to crisis points where I have to dig up the buried causes & feelings, & make necessary changes. I know how to do these things & do them regularly, whenever the need becomes apparent in any way. These days it usually takes physical manifestations like hives or the heat not coming on in a relatively new heating system to get my attention. I know now to take notice of these things & look for the cause within me. And I know how to make the changes when needed. In these blogs, I try to teach these skills to you. Every time I talk with this gentleman, I try to help him see the process for change in his life.

He is resisting change. At first in every conversation, he makes excuses. He's always telling me the problem - how he gets locked in his mind, how he gets distracted, how he gets called away to do other things while trying to work against the problems. His next fall back position, lately, is to tell me that whatever I'm suggesting is not him or doesn't feel right. Of course it doesn't! What feels right is the same old pattern. But the pattern has gotten him into the state he's in & he's not functioning very well that way. You & he & I have to quit resisting change, step out of our comfort zones, & open our minds & accept new ways & ideas. When what you're doing isn't working for you, the only thing that will work is to make those changes.

Resisting anything keeps it in your life. So does dwelling on it. Instead, see what you want & go for it. Don't concentrate on the current, on the problem. Concentrate on having what you want in your life & then start moving toward it. Don't worry about making a mistake or whether you know how to get to what you want. You don't have to know that. All you have to do & know is the first reasonable steps toward it, & make them. Then, the next steps will be revealed. And if you made a misstep, at least you're in motion. The Universe will arrange for you to be guided to the best path for you. I see this all the time in my life. I chose a novel on Friday (the blog about this will appear later in the week) that I'd had in my possession for some years & never read. The ending pointed out to me unfinished business in my life. It ended up being a theme for about a week or so. My mentor mentioned working on it with his ex husband. A woman I talked with during a break in a healing circle at Sandra Bear Davis's house "saw" that I still held anger toward my mother, & the heat not coming on made me address it. (That too is covered in a blog, either recent or upcoming.) Then this novel brought out unfinished business I mislabeled & pushed down months ago. You can truly trust that if your aim is to change your life, you will absolutely be guided in your path. But you can't resist as my friend does. You have to actively want it, meaning, take the action steps & be entirely open & listening for the prompts. I could have taken the heat not coming on as a physical thing without meaning, same with the hives. But I'm entirely open & I know better. I couldn't have taken the ending of the novel any other way at this time in my life, but if I'd read & discarded it too soon I would have. Back then I wasn't ready or open enough. When the heat wouldn't come on I did all I could to make it happen. Then I called on Archangel Michael's help. Then, cold & miserable, I starting talking with God. He said it was because my heart was cold, & I knew immediately it was about my mother. This was after that woman mentioned seeing anger within me. I finally went straight to God & talked with Him, said I needed a direct message because I wasn't entirely getting it & He told me to call my mother. As soon as I came inside, the heat was on!

One way to quit resisting is to entirely accept all that is in your life with gratitude. And live in the now, work with what you've got, with every tool at your disposal. Learn to cope with the now. But while doing that, visualize where you want to be. Write "I Am" statements & manifestation statements for where you want to be. Make it your job to make change happen. Read your "I Am" statements & manifestation statements every morning, out loud. Use prayer, but instead of asking for what you want, thank God as if it's already in your life. Spend 3-5 minutes a day visualizing with full emotion, detail, & clarity exactly what you want in your life. If you want many things to change, you can visualize a total change or you can work on one aspect of it a day. Today I simply visualized a life with "him, whoever he is." I visualized the relationship, the sharing & tenderness, touching, passion, the life together - laughing, playing with grandchildren, making a home, life, & work together, in abundance & prosperity, harmony, peace, true joy & happiness. It took 3 minutes. Mike Dooley says do this once a day, 3-5 minutes or less before your mind intrudes with other things. That's all it takes. Since he's a master at manifestation & at teaching it, I'm doing it the way he says.

One major key to making changes is using every tool at your disposal. Listen for every cue & clue. Learn from all the messages. Mike Dooley's teachings are a valuable tool for me. I use God & the angels. I learn from messages & encounters with others. I go to Sandy for help, talk with my BFF & significant other about everything. She is my trusted advisor, with only my greatest good at heart & I use her regularly. Here I am talking about using people. Understand that I mean utilizing what's available to me, & they do the same with me. We all use each other in various ways. It's the intent & spirit behind it that makes it harmful to the person or not.

People are unique in that they have several lives in one. We have the physical life, emotional life, mental life, & spiritual life. Within each of these lives, we hold the power to entirely change our lives. To truly make change happen & have the lives we want, we have to work for it with all these life aspects. They have to be in harmony with each other. We have to take full & entire responsibility for all & consciously use the power given to us. Wherever you are in life, you didn't "happen" to get there. It took my friend many years to create the mess in his house & it will take a long time to clear it. Change is absolutely hard work & requires consistent work & effort. You can't work at it a little here & there & expect anything to happen. If he clears 5 pieces of paper from his office & then quits, he's going to add 10 in the time he isn't working toward his goal. He has to quit adding papers as much as possible while clearing out the unneeded. He has to let go of his need to control every detail & eventuality for several reasons. For one thing, we simply can't! We don't have the power to anticipate & control every little detail. Mike Dooley calls that "the cursed hows." When we try to control the details, they end up controlling us. The only way to make changes is to put forth consistent effort in all life aspects. That means in the physical, doing. In the emotional & mental, controlling your thoughts & handling & changing your feelings. Gratitude is the key to that, as is the spiritual. You can't really change your life much without the spirituality. You have to have faith, understand the workings of the universe & have faith in them & in the overall goodness. You have to tap into that daily. I not only read my "I Am" & manifestation statements aloud, I pray, talk with my angels, teachers, & guides, & call on specific angels to help me change what needs to be changed. Doreen Virtue's excellent book, "Archangels & Ascended Masters" has an index in the back that lists problems & which angels & Ascended Masters to call on, & how. Her book, & angel oracle cards, have been an excellent guide for me in this.

We are unique on this earth in that we each entirely possess within us to power to change ourselves & our lives. Don't waste it! Don't bitch & moan about your life & circumstances, take responsibility for the choices you've made that put you there. Then don't do what my friend does & dwell on the waste & loss - make a conscious decision with intent to change whatever you want & need to. Then take the above actions & move forward. Release what you don't want in the current with gratitude for the learning, growth, change & lessons & just do it! So what if it takes a year or 5 or 10? Where are you going to be in a year or 5 or 10 if you don't? Time is going to pass anyway, & if you don't do this, your life will be the same as now or worse. So don't even think about the time. You'll be so busy doing & coping that you'll be successful in whatever measure along the way, & happier during the process than you are now. A momentum takes over, & you receive joy in the doing & changing, the progress along the way, even the process. Mostly you may not recognize the changes taking place but keep going with it. Always remember that it takes consistent action & use of your powers over a period of time. When you're going some place you've never gone before, you don't recognize the way or the true progress toward getting there because it's entirely unfamiliar. It's that way with these changes. But as long as you're moving forward with intent, you are making progress & getting there!

Gratitude for All Things - Changing Your Life Part 2

By all accounts I've mostly lived a horrible life. Not as bad as some, but worst than most. I was under loved & valued as a child, with an absentee father & mentally ill mother. I was isolated from others to mask what was going on at home, including my mother's sexual abuse of me, drinking, gambling, homosexual relationship with her live in. I was moved around the country whenever I was settling in & making a life. I endured custody battles & bad marriages. I developed diabetes before I was 40. I've had a female affliction for nearly 10 years now that never healed because I was required to have frequent & painful sex with my 2nd husband. I've lived with that physical pain daily for all these years, & the disease has morphed into something so horrible that doctors aren't even able to identify & treat the problem thus far.

I've always survived though, & more so. I consider myself to be a triumphant survivor because most with these kinds of problems kill themselves, become mentally ill, or are otherwise defeated. Instead, I've used them to learn & grow, & help others cope & heal. I've always worked on overcoming, healing, learning, growing. I've worked hard all along to change my life. My will to survive & thrive, & God's grace, has seen me through all of it. It's never been easy or comfortable, has been scary. I sort of remember some of the worst times, but blessedly, the memories of the feelings are largely gone. I can picture the scenes but as if they happened to someone else. I've retained the ability to cope & to help others but don't really remember the pain. Those of you who have given birth can probably relate well here. The discomforts of pregnancy & birth are many & last a long time but the reward is great - your baby. Eventually all the pain & suffering to get there becomes a distant memory & you decide to do it again. Like having a baby to show for it, I've gained from each thing that's happened.

I'm always working on changing my life, to get from where I am to where I want to be. I have such a strong drive toward what I want & need in my life. I have found that I don't take anything good for granted in my life. Every time I have to go without, it makes me so totally appreciate & be grateful for all I have. I am grateful for this house & the grounds, electricity, heat, food in the house, that I can function well despite my physical problems. I am grateful for all the love in my life. I don't concentrate on what I'm lacking, like romantic love & sex. It's not that I've hardly ever had it. It's that I know it's coming but I'm not ready yet. I know what I'm missing! I've had it once so I know exactly what my heart so longs for now. I had it in the 1990s. Before that I didn't know what I was missing, only that I was. Now that I know I want it all the more, & I recently opened my heart to it. The promise was there & swiftly taken away again. But instead of giving up, I've taken this as a promise & example of what is to come. I believe now more fully than I ever have. I have great gratitude for the doors he opened & the blessings, rather than being devastated that he so very briefly graced my life.

I have learned to be grateful for all that is in my life, even my long-standing physical affliction. I now know that great good will come of it. I have no idea what or how, but I am working to embrace my affliction with love & gratitude. I am coming to accept it as a part of me, rather than fearing or resisting it. It's hard for me today to say that "great good" will come of it because I'm not quite there yet. But since it's a huge affliction & has been for so long, by the laws of the universe it must have a great purpose & resolution. I am to the point that I realize that it's all good, that it all has a purpose & reason. I had hives about 2 weeks ago, & developed eczema on my feet & hands. It was a sign that although I was outwardly controlling my thoughts I needed to do inner work. These were stress reactions. Next week I'll probably post the blog I'll write on free will vs. destiny. It's waiting in the line of subjects. But I have to say that although I have free will, I understand that I contracted to do certain work in this lifetime & that all that is prepares me for this work. I daily ask to learn & grow & heal spiritually & emotionally (physically too, but that's not part of this thought), & the afflictions are a part of that.

I've come through a series of events to see & understand that "bad" things that happen in my life have a purpose. Now I look for the lesson & message in all of it, & then the problems go away in confirmation. This has allowed me to largely embrace them. Rather than resist these things, I'm learning that they're the forerunner of the changes I want to make in my life. I am purposefully & with intent learning from these things & using them to transform my life. The hives are gone & the eczema is healing. I learned to put my needs first in my life, or to at least begin to make that shift. The afflictions are a daily reminder to follow through with that. I need to change a whole lifetime pattern here & it's not happening over night. The other day the heat wouldn't come on, yet the heating system is only 18 months old. There was no earthly reason for it, I knew. I was miserable - it was 55 upstairs so probably about 45 downstairs where I was working on the computer. I did all I could to make it work & finally had to stop & be still & ask God for the message in another way. He told me to warm my cold heart & call my mother. I was trying, for my own good, to erase her from my life. The message was to quit resisting her & reach out in love & forgiveness. He used someone I just met & ended up talking with to tell me I had residual anger. It's been a lifelong struggle for me to deal with her & handle my feelings & I still have healing to do. Having the heat not come on highlighted my cold heart & brought the issue forward.

I've come to learn that in my life the really buried stuff needs to be dramatically highlighted for healing to take place, whether internal healing or healing of my actions & attitudes. These are accomplished when the "bad" things happen. For some reason it comes that way rather than just as clear messages. I get clear messages about blogs to write & answers to questions, but when it comes to these buried internals, I don't have the knowledge to ask the questions. "Bad" things also happen to bring about change in external circumstances. Like the wreck of my beloved car provided the money for my rent for 2 months. I've come to understand & accept with gratitude that all works for good in my life eventually. I'm grateful now that I understand that. So I'm grateful for all that is, whether it's something I like or not. Now I'm learning to ask for the lessons for the things I don't like so if it's in my best interest, I can quickly move on from it. As soon as I asked the question clearly, God supplied the answer about the heat loud & clear. I didn't hear His voice but I got the message. At first I got a heart message that my heart was cold so the house was, & that it was toward my mother. Then, when I directly asked God, He said, "Call your mother" into my brain. Not a voice, but totally clear. I said I would, message received, began to figure out where I had the phone number. I was outside when I received this & came in to find the number & call. And the heat was on when I walked in! As I said, I've had many confirmations that these things are for messages & learning, changing my life.

With that realization comes peace & the end of resistance. Now I know that when things occur that are not pleasant, there's a reason & I look for the reason. Instead of resisting, I'm moving into the flow. When in the flow, I am swept along rather than having to use all my energy to swim against the current just to maintain. All I have to do is recognize, work to understand & learn, & be grateful. This is my job. It keeps me in the flow, & the flow will eventually take me where I want to go in my life & work. And the more I get into the center of the flow, & stay there, the easier the journey. Monday, part 3 of 3.

How to Powerfully Transform & Change Your Life - Part 1

Many people think that God controls their lives, & He just doesn't. He gave us free will! Only you hold the power to change your life. If anything at all in your life (doesn't this apply to us all!) is not the way you want it, you can change that. For one thing, it means there's something you have to change in what you're doing. Repeating the same thoughts & actions only leads to the same outcomes. Practice doesn't make perfect, only perfect practice makes perfect. Practice alone only repeats what you're already doing. I always think of learning to play Mozart's Clarinet Concerto my senior year of high school. Some of the passages are very difficult. The way I learned to play them was by slowing them so much. I'm talking some very fast passages with difficult fingering, & I slowed them to a crawl. I set my metronome to one of the slowest settings & practiced getting it right over & over until my fingers learned the pattern at that speed. Only then did I up the speed a little. I repeated the perfect practice at the new speed. And when I tried the higher speed too soon, I went back to the slower speed where I could do the fingering & stayed with it until I truly did learn it. I changed my behavior (the incorrect fingering to the correct ones) & repeated the new habits until the new pattern was internalized. Then I increased my speed & repeated the process. I spent a year doing it, practicing that & other music 3 hours a day. I never got it all right or up to speed - it's truly a piece for professionals. But I learned so much along the way about beauty, expression, how to truly practice, & playing techniques that served me well. I also learned patience, & that perfection takes time & work. I learned to accept less than total success, to recognize the progress & the process.

We can't change our lives overnight but we do have the power. We can't give up using proven techniques to create change just because we can't see immediate change. And second guessing ourselves, the universe, & God is fruitless & actually destructive to our progress. On the clarinet, I knew that if I practiced long enough at a slow enough speed to get it right, that eventually it would work. Sometimes I was only working on a measure or 2 of music at a time. When I would make a mistake I'd practice just that part over & over until I consistently got it right. Only then would I allow myself to move on. I had faith in the process & worked at it slowly until I had the progress I needed to speed up a little, & then only a little. I didn't put my clarinet down & say practice doesn't work because I wasn't getting it right away, or even in a week or month. I kept at that piece for more than a year. And I practiced it that way consistently, every single day. But remember that I practiced & played other music too. I played things I could play well just for the fun of it. I played the entire Mozart piece as best as I could, to include the joy & beauty of creating the music of the fun & easier parts. I rewarded myself for my efforts in these ways.

I know I talk a lot about "I Am" statements & affirmations. But these are the tools to create dramatic, breath-taking change in your life! That's how you change what you're doing to change the outcome. You can think you're doing everything you can & everything right to create change but if you're doing it consistently & have been over enough time & there's still no change, you do need to examine what you're doing. It could very well be that your subconscious thoughts are working counter to your intent. It could be that your priorities are out of balance. These are things I can help you discover. It can be hard to uncover these things within ourselves without help. One tool to discover your inner most thoughts is to journal. If you sit with pen & paper (truly, for this please don't sit at your computer) & start writing whatever comes to you, your truest thoughts & feeling will emerge. Just be sure to give yourself enough quiet time to do it. I swear it works! I can be one of the worst at knowing what I'm truly thinking & feeling, although I'm so much better than I was 20 years ago. I consistently found back then that what I thought was on my mind & heart were only surface things, & that by journaling as above I got down to what was really within me. Now it's much easier & I sometimes know without journaling. But sometimes I still get that vague feeling of something within me that wants to come out, & I know to journal to get to it.

For the past several weeks I've been consciously working on changing my life. I felt I was in a downward spiral that kept going deeper than I could imagine. I found I had to open to romantic love & do more emotional healing. I found I still needed to heal from my mother & release anger I didn't realize I still had. I realized I had a "doom & gloom" tape playing in my subconscious, & that my focus was on the problems & trying to solve them rather than seeing myself as flourishing. I had to shift my thinking & see myself as successful in the areas I wanted to change - health, my finances, my work. I made those changes & got to the point of gratitude & faith despite the fact that I wasn't seeing the manifestations I wanted & needed at the time. I also found that I needed to change the focus of my time & efforts. I was giving it all away, yet needed prosperity in my life. My actions & how I spent my time were not at all in alignment with what I was trying to manifest. I also wasn't taking proper care of myself yet wanted health & healing. I changed my attitude & focus toward myself & others, put myself as #1 in my life.

I opened myself & set intent to change my life. As a result, I received messages from new people I met, the angels, God, my guides. I also got a notice of a free telecast by Cari Murphy about moving from surviving to thriving in your spiritually based business, & made full use of it. I listened, then transcribed detailed notes from the repeat that was posted. Based on that, I completely changed my "I Am" affirmations. You can find her at carimurphy.com. She does radio & other forums to help people transform their lives & careers, a beautiful, helpful woman. You can hire her but you can also take advantage of many free programs, receive notices via email. I learned so much from just this one telecast, & have benefited from her in the past as well. I highly recommend her. She gave us many inspired affirmation statements in the telecast, so good that I've entirely replaced what I was using with hers, with few modifications. Even before that, I changed my manifestation statements. First I made them very simple. Mike Dooley says it's best to just try to manifest true happiness because love, harmony, abundance & health are all necessary for that. So my new statements simply said,"I am manifesting true happiness in my life & all the blessings, benefits, & abundance that is a part of that. I am manifesting my highest good, 'beyond my wildest dreams.'" But every time we talked about such things, my BFF Pam said I should put things in there about the romantic love I wanted, & harmony with friends & family to keep that going. So to the first statement I added, "This includes having 'him, whoever he is' fully in my life - romantic love, harmony & passion; family & friendship love & harmony; the flow of abundance & prosperity; & fulfilling my mission in life, thriving in my work & world, using my talents, gifts, & passions fully. This also includes abundant health & wellbeing - physical, emotional, mental & spiritual; strength, ability, agility, & balance in my life & self." (The health thing was added as I was struggling with low energy while coping with a long standing illness.) Due to recognizing the need for romantic love & opening my heart to it, I added a 3rd manifestation statement, "I am manifesting exquisite in all areas of my life, to truly thrive in all areas of my life & living my life with true tut.com audacity." And I end my statement time with, "So be it!" ala Sandy Davis.

Thanks to Cari Murphy, here are my new "I Am" & positive affirmation statements. I've set aside all the others for now because these are all encompassing. They combine all I've learned so far from all sources. "I am worthy. I am truly happy & enjoy the abundant blessings that come with that. I use my free will to rise above all of life's challenges. I was created to thrive & succeed rather than struggle. I can & do call upon angels instead of struggling, doing it all my way & on my own. I am releasing all resistance to life's challenges, living in the flow of awesome abundance, prosperity, joy, fulfillment, & success. I am committed to aligning my energy with success daily. I am committed to creating & allowing phenomenal, unstoppable success for myself daily. I am committed to embracing & utilizing my creative power daily. I am committed to using my gifts, talents, & skills to create great & phenomenal success in my missions for God here on earth, working with & for Him in His purpose. I am committed to making all my greatest dreams come true, living my passions fully in my daily life, & creating phenomenal, abundant success & prosperity that will provide the kind of living I need to thrive & further my work. I hold the power & amplify the power I need for my personal & professional success. I am a conscious creator of vibrant health & wellbeing, phenomenal, unstoppable success, with unshakable confidence & prosperity. I am grateful for all that is in my life. I learn, grown, & heal from all of it. Life is unfolding as it should, in the best time frame for my greatest good. I am in radiant, perfect health & my body is vibrant, youthful, physically fit, & powerful, full of energy I can harness as needed. Abundance is the natural & I am abundant & in the flow, grateful for all this is in my life. I am entering into this day with unshakable, unstoppable confidence & wellbeing. I am phonemically successful in all that I do. I am celebrating the powerful new waves of opportunity coming my way today. I am devoted to honoring my feelings & communicating from my heart at all times. I celebrate my great decision-making abilities. My validation always comes from within. I am unconditionally loved, loving, & lovable. I am radiating positive, loving, compassionate energy every moment. I am an irresistible magnet for millions. I am prosperous beyond my wildest dreams & imagination. In all my efforts I am rewarded with massive success, respect, admiration, & inner peace. I am increasing the positive energy wherever I am, wherever I go, & for everyone I speak with. I am seeing explosive financial, personal, & professional success & growth in my life - a beautiful, passionate, rewarding, exquisite relationship with my life mate: wholeness, balance, wellbeing, peace, joy, happiness, fulfillment, & contentment in my personal & professional life; with vibrant, radiant, perfect health & energy; living in alignment daily with my soul's true purpose. I am seeing soul-driven success in my personal & professional life because of my irresistible magnetic presence, with dynamic opportunities magically appearing in my life. I am a powerful being creating success in all that I do. My energy is aligned with success, & I am a great master of manifestation, always manifesting what's needed my my highest good easily & naturally. I am high vibrating & filled with Divine Life Force energy. I always take full responsibility & accountability for my energy, thoughts, emotions, & the quality of my life. I consciously choose to lead a balanced & joyful life every day. I choose harmony now, & accept myself & others. I know there is a Divine Light that lives within us all. I am one with the Universe & I open myself to the Divine flow of all this is & the blessings all around me. I am succeeding on my personal journey to wholeness & I'm doing it at the rate & speed that is perfect for my personal spiritual evolution." The last 4 of these are probably the most important. They speak to the fact that all is unfolding as it should & that I take direct responsibility for all that is in my life. I could certainly shorten these & combine many. There's a lot of overlap here. But it sets the tone for my entire day, every day. It sets the stage for dramatic change in my life, & puts me in control of my thoughts & actions daily. When you think about all the ways you spend your time every day, & look at all the negative - things you hear & think, TV, newspapers, the internet - you realize that the simple time to read these statements out loud every morning is one of the most powerful & positive things you can do & it's worth the time.

Birth Family vs. Heart Family

Many of us were born with faulty or inadequate birth families, myself included. I grew up on the outside looking in, always needing, yearning, wanting, never belonging. My parents divorced when I was 2 & we moved from Portland, Oregon to Dayton, Ohio. We stayed in Dayton until I was 6, then moved outside of Harrisburg. I lived with my scary mother & her girlfriend, with heavy drinking & smoking, gambling & abuse. I was a possession, an extension of my mother rather than a person or a child with boundaries & needs. I was not an individual except in school. I grew up where there were 2 parents in every household, watching TV families like the Nelsons, "Leave It To Beaver," & "Father Knows Best." I didn't meet my own father until I was 13, & then he couldn't deal with me & my need & love for him. I only saw him a few times in my life. And I've never had real mother love in this lifetime.

So I got married when I was about 25 & worked on getting pregnant, creating my own family. The only true family love I'd had was my beloved maternal grandparents, who were the closest thing I had to parental love. They did their best to provide both. I also had my uncle & aunt & cousins, but I always knew they were removed family, that I didn't belong to them. I only every truly belonged to & with my grandparents. They died & left a huge gap in 1985. My daughter was born in 1981 & my son was born in 1986. I didn't achieve the family I wanted until my son was born. My daughter was very difficult to raise & my husband always made me feel very inadequate as a wife & mother, but I never knew how. He was passive/aggressive, the silent disapproval sort & I withered in family life instead of flourishing. Besides, what did I know of normalcy? I played a role of wife & mother, tried to recreate what I thought I observed from the outside. I'd spent my life looking at homes & families, golden yellow light from nighttime windows, & only imagined the peace & love within.

Outside of my grandparents, my first true family came from Mayo United Methodist Church near Annapolis, Maryland. The congregation is the best I've ever known, the truest sense of what a church should be & usually isn't. It's small & multi-generational, with families that have been there through several generations, but new-comers too. I wasn't related to any of them, but found a true family. They nurtured me & my children & I nurtured & loved them through all my single parenting years, & when my marriage was failing before that. They loved me for myself, as I was. They were my safety net, as family should be. I never went without. A few times the church paid my mortgage when times were tough. They helped out with presents for the kids, & even me, several Christmases. Once a money order came in the mail just before we were going to run out of fuel oil, for the exact amount of the minimum 150 gallons. I never did find out who sent it, but I know it was someone from church. I'm not even sure how they knew I was in need, since I hadn't said that I could recall. They had us into their homes for meals & recreation, took us to see Christmas lights. And they were always there for me - when we went to court for custody battles, when I needed parenting advice or just someone to talk to, lean on. All the things true family provides, they provided for me & us. They are still my family. When I go home to Maryland, I go to church & it's as if I never left. All the love is still there, even if all I loved are not.

My second marriage was about family too. When I was in high school, my best friend realized I had a terrible mother & home life. She took me home to her mother, who was the best mother I've ever known outside of my Grandma. She gave me to her mother & vice versa. Her mother welcomed me into the family, told me to consider their home mine, invited me to be there as often as I wanted but warned me not to get in trouble with my mother for being there too much. They made me a part of their family. They included me in family events & I became like a step-sister. I didn't quite belong but almost did, mostly felt like I did. And I idolized her oldest brother, as the rest of the family did. That's who I eventually married the second time I married. That family was a lot like my uncle & his family, & truly provided the family that I didn't have. For about 30 years I had that family there for me, although in the years I was married the first time I wasn't in contact with them much. After I got together with the older brother, the family began dying off & the marriage was bad, so now that family too is gone.

In the 90s I had a best friend & her husband & daughter, & they treated me like family too. They invited me over for Thanksgiving & Christmas when my kids were with their father. It was almost family, she was almost a sister. So when I got together with my second husband, I began creating that kind of family atmosphere for others who were alone on holidays. I always invited his best friend, without close family, for Thanksgiving & Christmas. I know how important that is & how lonely those times are without a family. It was my way of giving back.

Now I have lots of family, because of what I've created & by the grace of God. For family love I have my beloved half sister, my grown daughter & son, my daughter's husband & my son's fiance. I don't have the generation above but by now many don't due to parental deaths. Mine came in 1985 when my beloved grandparents died. My father is dead & that ended all missed opportunities for what was never going to happen between us. In many ways it's a relief, as it will be when my mother dies. She'll no longer be an entity hanging over my head, a responsibility to one who never gave me the love I needed. Meanwhile, I have a beautiful relationship with my lovely sister & my 4 children (I consider my in laws to be my children also - it's all about heart.) And I have my soul family now. I entirely fit with those I've attracted in recent years. We are like-hearted, like-minded yet diverse. Some of my many friends are soul family & many are simply treasured & valued friends. I've finally really created my own true family, with intent & action. Part of it is a willingness to create family & recognize it beyond the bonds of blood. Part of it is in the giving, & therefore receiving, & accepting others with love as they are. Part of it is the strength of my desire & the degree of gratitude I show them. You have to acknowledge & understand your own needs, & be willing to accept with your whole heart someone who is not blood as family. I give of myself as if each of them is blood family, & they give that to me in return. When you give that amount of love freely, willingly, openly, you eventually attract it in return. I have done that.

God & the angels all play a part too, a huge part. I have my soul family of angels, teachers, guides, & departed. I have an open heart & mind to all of them, speak with them every morning, & welcome them into my life every day. I put the love out there just like I do with those on earth. As a result, I am surrounded by the awareness of them. Yesterday I was gifted with an amazing visit with my beloved grandfather. He held me & I could almost feel him. I could almost see him. I clearly received his words of love, his message & presence. We had a lovely 3-5 minute visit & I cried in gratitude & love. It's not nearly the same as having him physically with me, but it was full & rich & I'm so grateful for that time. Sometimes I visit with my grandma, & one of my cats, all in the afterlife for many years now. One day Archangel Michael "appeared" to me. I didn't quite see him, but he was there & I sensed his height & wingspan. The message was how protected I am & I received it clearly. He was telling me that whenever I need him to, he can & does enfold me in his wings, hold me close & completely cover me with his wings of armor.

By heart & intent, you too can create all the family you need & want. God is the father love I needed. The Virgin Mary is the mother love. I commune with spirits & angels, & those on earth who have become the family I so needed. And I am abundantly grateful. I was just on Facebook chatting with my daughter & my son's fiance. I asked my daughter if she minded that I love the fiance like a full daughter, figuring she's secure enough in my love not to be jealous. Her reply spoke so to my heart, was a wonderful affirmation & comfort. She said, "You welcome & accept everyone as family, that's part of what I love about you." I could have saved you a lot of reading, because that's the key to how I've created family for myself. And I'm so very proud of my daughter, because she's done the very same thing. Her father & I both made many mistakes & gave her some dysfunctional, faulty love when she was a child. She's made up for it in her adult life by giving that kind of unconditional love that creates family, & has therefore gotten it in return. It doesn't always correspond directly & there's not always enough of it. True unconditional & total love is very hard to come by, but the way to get it is to give it. I have been giving it abundantly & freely here since October 2010 & that's why it's now being returned to me in abundance. We do truly reap what we sow.

Gratitude for Abundant Love

Yesterday I laid out what my previous life was like - absolutely not enough love, barely enough to survive. Now my life is full beyond my wildest dreams. I don't have absolutely everything I need, but I have abundant friends & their love. I have a huge capacity for love, more so than the average person. Usually in my life I was the deepest person I knew, with a much greater capacity for love than those around me. I felt things more deeply too. I absolutely didn't fit in, was much more sensitive than others. I went through 2 periods in my life where I had abundant love & those who delighted in me, but had to move away from that & them. I lived in San Antonio in my middle school years & flourished. I flourished while in Tupperware the first time. I had the love of my fellow Tupperware managers & the love of my hostesses who became friends. I had the love of those in my church & community while I was raising my kids alone. Then I moved 2 hours away, to where I knew no one. I moved in with a man who became my second husband & was a Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde, as I've said before. We had a small circle of friends, very little social life.

I am a very passionate, loving, physical person. My mother's family, whom I visited twice a year, was very physically affectionate. By example, one of my fondest memories is of my cousins & me lying on the floor of my grandparents' home in Dayton, Ohio the final Christmas there. I was probably about 14, as was my oldest cousin. I was lying on my stomach & she came over & started scratching my back. She didn't say anything first. I remember vividly, we were talking about her trombone playing in school & she just came over & started scratching my back while we all talked & lounged. It was a family way of showing love & affection. There wasn't loving touch in the house with my mother, but her family was that way & so was I. Our Grandpa always had a ready lap, & I am a lifelong lap lover. I love hugs & sweet kisses - just casual physical affection. It's a great need for me. I didn't get it in my first marriage, as he'd been raised in a different kind of family. During those years, when first raising my children, I dried up. How I wish I could have changed my husband to be more like me instead, as he'd wished when we married. It's one of the reasons he married me. Instead, my kids grew up without that in their environment. I was less of me, not the kind of mother I was in my heart. And with my second husband, it was all & only about sex. There was no lovemaking every, & touch was risky. It was usually groping rather than loving. Again, I dried up.

Now all I lack is passionate touch. But I get physical affection regularly. I have loving friends in abundance who hug me, kiss my cheek, touch me. I get kisses multiple times a day from one of my cats. Real kisses, not licks. I actually have a kissy cat in my life. She also has me pick her up & hold her multiple times a day. She hugs me, nuzzles me, snuggles me close at night. I'm surrounded by kitty love. Often I have one pressed into me when I put my feet up, & when I sleep. They follow me around the house & rub against my ankles. One licks my leg regularly. It's not the same as affection from a person but it sure is fulfilling!

I have more friends now than I've ever had in my life, more than I ever dreamed of. And these friends are all the kind that I most need. They too have this great capacity for loving & caring, giving of their love, themselves. They are all over the country but mostly centered around me in the Pittsburgh area, where I can see & visit with them in person. For the last 12 years until November, I lived in relative isolation on farms. Seldom did anyone come to visit. The only time I saw other people was when I went out to make that happen. My lifelines were the internet & my phone. Now I regularly see people. I am in the midst of friends, & making new friends all the time. They come here or I go next door & meet people at healing circles. I have found a whole enclave of like-minded souls here, & the law of attraction keeps bringing more to me. These people are an outlet for my love & affection, & give me the same. They care deeply about me & I them. They also put their love for me into action. It takes a village & they are part of my village. I treasure each of them & am abundantly grateful for their love, giving, & caring.

The law of attraction is amazing. It worked in the mid 80s when it brought me friends & love with the vehicles being Tupperware & the church. It worked in the 90s through my job. And now it's worked to bring me to this place. I live right next door to another healer who knows & attracts many. It brought me to my mentor 2 years ago, who told me about Reiki & the community in Pittsburgh. That opened all the doors to me, to my true soul family & like-hearted individuals. I can't begin to express all the gratitude I feel for this abundance in my life. Tomorrow, family vs. the family of your heart.

Gratitude for My Home

My childhood was lonely, confusing, & full of abuse. I didn't know my father, lived with my abusive mother & her girlfriend. I was uncomfortable when "at home," never knowing what would happen next. School was my only refuge, but I had few friends. Some years I had the love of my teacher, & I always had the love of my maternal grandparents, but only saw them twice a year. My only sense of home was the house my grandparents lived in. They were my only security & consistent source of love. At 25 I got married, then had a baby, & moved to a neighborhood where I knew no one. I tried to make our house into a home but it wasn't because I'd married the wrong man for me. I didn't have a lot of friends until I was in Tupperware for awhile. Then I had abundant friends among my fellow Tupperware managers & my hostesses. Then I joined my local church & began to make friends, my kids were older & I met people through their sports & activities. The house didn't feel like a home exactly - by then I was divorced & struggling as a single parent, living in the marital home. But the neighborhood was home even if the house wasn't, & the church felt like home to the kids & me. Fellow church members were definitely family. That's when I learned about family not necessary being those you're related to, about family of the heart. I've been away from that area for 12 years now, yet every time I go home to the neighborhood & church, I enjoy the love. My daughter has a home there now, so I doubly enjoy going to visit her. It feels like coming home, even though I didn't feel home in the house where they grew up.

The few times I've had a sense of home & had lots of friends, I've left or had to leave it all. My heart's home was always & will always be in Dayton, Ohio & the area. That's where my beloved grandparents lived most of their lives. My heart will always yearn for their house. I went there when the house was for sale again in 1999 & found the ghost of myself as a little girl there. It was amazing! I can't begin to describe it to you. I could feel Grandma, Grandpa, & me still within those rooms, especially in my room. I also feel home when I visit my daughter - the neighborhood & the church, although no specific house.

I tell you all this to tell you how important "home" is to me. I grew up without enough love, with barely enough to keep me alive. I grew up without a home, without any sense of safety or wellbeing. So these things mean everything to me. My heart is in Dayton, & in that neighborhood in Maryland. But now it's in a 3rd place too, because I finally have a true home. My heart is again overflowing today as I look around my home, & it's finally the place where I dwell. Every other place I've lived has been tainted by lack of love & usually lack of safety due to the other inhabitants. This place is mine alone. When I moved here I brought with me only my own treasured belongings, chosen by me. I brought the peace & serenity, my grace with me. I brought my family of cats. And I moved to an area where I have many friends already. The atmosphere of my home entirely reflects me & no one else. I'm not imposed upon by having to accommodate another in conflict with me & my needs, for the first time ever. I have the furniture of my beloved grandparents filling the rooms I live in upstairs, my paintings & knick knacks that are beloved & collected over time. The rooms are furnished & decorated to my taste & give me a sense of warmth & comfort, wellbeing. Nothing bad happens to me within this home because there's no one here to harm me, disrespect or under love me. Yes, there's always danger from without but we all live with that to various degrees. That's not what I'm talking about. In the past, some kind of harm always came to me on a regular basis from those who dwelled within the house. I am so grateful to no longer have to live that way.

The house itself enfolds me, as does the yard. My landlord made a perfect home here, when she herself needed healing. The yard is full of flowers, plants, serenity, joy, & beauty. She understood & created "home," & rented to me because she understood my need for it. It's a very old house but she put a lot of work into the indoors too. The result is a perfect fit. Our needs & tastes are harmonious, & I'm so totally grateful to be here. I've made it my own inside, as she urged me to do. She also urges me to make the outside my own, but understands that I'll do what she did the first year here. I'll be slow to make changes, getting a feel for the land & the beauty she already created here. I'll watch throughout the spring & summer to see what grows where, the shades of summer, & absorb the knowledge of this place. I'll do small things to create the rest of what I want outside here, then do more next year. There's no rush. Lord willing, I plan to stay here for many years. This is my home. Everyone who comes here feels it - the peace, grace, atmosphere, & beauty. They feel the coziness & warmth, the love & acceptance. The house & yard exude it. Some of it is me, some the angels, some God, some the cats, some the place itself. It is a place of healing, rest, & love, for me, the cats, & others. My heart finally has a home in which to dwell. Tomorrow, my gratitude for the friendships & love in my life.

Creator Supplies in Creative Ways

I have been living without adequate funding & income since 2009. Yet I've lived in a nice house with my cats all this time. It's been a constant source of stress & strain, but I've learned quite a lot about myself & God in this time. I just ate a lovely meal of tabouli & delicious wheat crackers, & iced green tea. The tea was given to me by a friend a year ago. The tabouli & crackers came from my neighbor & dear friend, Sandy Davis. Tonight I'll have a lovely dinner of free range chicken breast, rice, & fresh vegies, all courtesy of Sandy. Later, an apple for a snack, again a gift from her.

Creator has been supplying my needs all this time, in so many ways! Last year while looking for a job I realized I didn't have clothes to wear if I got hired. Then I lost so much weight that I fit into all my great & quality career clothes from the 1990s. I bought quality without spending too much back then, & really took care of my clothes. Now I have all I need except summer nightgowns, & I have material from the 1980s to make one. Last year a friend was moving & gave me some of the old food in her pantry. Just the other day I made lasagna with the last of what she gave me. Sometimes my friends give me money. Sandy gave me a plastic container of loose coins & there was more than $10 in it. I found lots of loose coins going through my mother's things, & the other day I found the last of that, again around $10. Friends have given me kitty litter & cat food. Last year I sold off my ex husband's family furniture & paid rent & bills with the money. I got rid of all that no longer serves me & lived off the money. I've been drinking iced tea made with tea bags bought years ago, having sugar free jello & pudding I bought years ago, etc.

Every day I do my part. I am a good steward of what I have & what comes to me. I am grateful for everything, including the nickle someone found in my garden yesterday & gave to me. I never fail to thank God for even a penny found, to consider it a windfall, a blessing, a promise, a gift. I use everything that comes to me or I have around the house for the best purpose possible. I make things to sell with what I have around the house. I get rid of what no longer serves me & pass it on or sell it. I work in all the ways I can to make things work out.

Sometimes God supplies through services I get paid for. Sometimes he supplies through a gift from friends. Sometimes He supplies through things I already have in the house. Sometimes He supplies by eliminating need. Just over a year ago I was paying $400 a month out of pocket for 2 types of insulin, because I don't have health insurance. Then, thanks to a Shaklee product, I began lessening my need for insulin & losing weight. I'm out of one kind now but don't need to buy any. I was taking well over the maximum recommended amounts of both last February, & now I seldom taking any at all. Sometimes I don't have very interesting food in the house & go around feeling pretty hungry but I never run out of food. And curbing my need for snacks & fun food is good. I'm evolving from craving cake to craving fruit this way. He's also supplied labor & services when I need them, & given me the physical strength & capability to do a lot of it on my own.

He also supplies messages & information creatively. I never know what will come or from where. I only now know that in the proper time, it all comes. Sometimes I get direct messages while talking with Him or from the angels. Sometimes it's supplied from conversation with others, or via one of the websites that sends out messages. The other day I listened to a great webinar on shifting from surviving to thriving in your spiritual-based business, which contained important information toward shifting my energy this week. The messages have been coming in from a variety of sources. I realized last week that I'd been on a downward spiral for awhile & no matter what I did right, I hadn't been able to change the direction of the spiral. I've prayed & worked toward clarity of what was holding the direction change back. Now I know one of the things was that I was putting everyone else before me, not aligning my time & energy with the proper priorities, neglecting my needs. Before that, one of the problems was that I was sick due to lingering abuse issues & a closed base chakra, heart & other chakra issues. I was closed to romantic love, for one thing. That opened about a month ago but it wasn't the entire key. Now I know I've shifted the energy, am in the process of healing, have opened the doors to manifestation.

Yesterday I was given a Bible verse through a friend that really, blessedly, confirmed this for me. Deuteronomy 8, quoted from the New International Version Bible. "Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live & increase & may enter & possess the land that the Lord promised on oath to your forefathers. Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these 40 years, to humble you & to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands." (Less testing & more redirection lessons, in my case.) "He humbled you, causing you to hunger & then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." (The supply of food that has been dropped off to me, & I never know what great things that will be.) "Your clothes did not wear out & your feet did not swell during these 40 years." (I already mentioned the clothes, & the added strength & physical health is the feet thing.) "Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you." (I needed some of that, since I'd shut my eyes & lived a lie all along with my ex husband. But mostly, it was more that I had lessons to still learn.) "Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in His ways & revering Him. For the Lord you God is bringing you into a good land - a land with streams & pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys & hills; a land with wheat & barley, vines, & fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil & honey;" (All very healthy foods, by the way, & Pittsburgh is a city of valleys, hills, & flowing water & He brought me here.) "a land where bread will not be scarce & you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron & you can dig copper out of the hills." (Hard work.) "When you have eaten & are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land He has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe His commands, Hi laws & His decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat & are satisfied, when you build fine houses & settle down, & when your herds & flocks grow large & your silver & gold increase & all you have is multiplied," (What beautiful promise, confirmation that yes, I've learned my lessons & shifted the energy.) "Then your heart will become proud & you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast & dreadful desert, that thirsty & waterless land, with its venomous snakes & scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble & to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, 'My power & the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.' But remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth, & so confirms His covenant, which He swore to your forefathers, as it is today." (Very good warning about humility. None of the power or abilities I have come from me, truly. And I know that. They all come straight from Him.) "If you ever forget the Lord your God & follow other gods & worship & bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. Like the nations the Lord destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the Lord your God." In the metaphysical community, we encounter many different belief systems & this too is a good warning, so I have taken this whole chapter as given, unto myself. It is a very special & personal thing when you are given a Bible passage. I have taken it into my heart, & reprinted the entire thing here, not adding or subtracting words, as is covered in the Bible. I've only added what it means to me, since it's all about it being given to me, & an example here.

There are some keys to the flow of abundance & supply. First, remember that it is a flow, & trust that. Don't struggle & resist, concentrate on lack because that keeps you out of the flow. At that point you're planting your feet rather than flowing. Recognize every bit of supply as such, a gift, no matter what it is. A nickle doesn't feed you but is still supply & enough of them happening does feed you. A little help here & there, a lawn mowing or leaf raking, is supply. A neighbor letting you use the lawn mower saves you from buying one. Even hard lessons, once learned, are necessary & valuable. It's all supply! Finally, let recognition of the gifts turn to gratitude. Gratitude greases the wheels of supply. It's not that God really needs our gratitude. We're the ones who need it. Praise God, our Father, the great Creator & Provider!

Healing the Innocents

My heart is breaking. I accidentally scared Karma tonight. I was giving catnip to the cats. I can't remember the last time I did this. Karma was interested, then walked away for some reason. She sometimes gets a hunted look to her. She'd walked away with that look after I gave them a couple of treats. Anyway, when she walked away I tried to give her some catnip where she was & accidentally threw some at & on her. After that she stayed just away from me. When I tried to put some where she was, she slunk away, slipped into the bedroom. She does that too whenever someone comes into the house. I can only think of one person who she'll come near other than me. It makes me cry just to write this. Cassandra was delighted in the catnip, rolling, & I loved that. I took about a 15 minute break & when I came in, I went to tidy in the kitchen & Karma was at my feet, eager. So I gave her a couple more treats. For some reason, Cassandra never eats them when I give them to her.

Some of you read the blog where I introduced all the cats. For those who don't know, Cassandra showed up at my sliding door from the front deck to the living room on November 6, 2010. It was just a few days after I returned from Maryland. I'd just put the man who was still then my husband in jail, had been away from home for about 2 weeks after he threatened to kill my mother. At that point I already had 5 cats in my home & certainly didn't need more. But they needed me & I needed them. It was the first cold night, & sleeting. Cassandra came to the door & screamed to be let in. I had to go out to check on her at that point. If you know me, you know why, know my heart. She started winding around my legs & next thing I knew there was a second cat, a black one. I thought my Breezy had gotten out, then realized it was a different cat.

They were about 5 months old. I called the farmer down the road but he couldn't come get them until the next day, said they'd be fine outside until then. But I couldn't help myself. I put them in the garage & fed them, bedded them down. I just felt so sorry for them & my emotions were very raw & the hurting very fresh at the time. I couldn't stand the thought of leaving them outside. They were so sweet & so needy. By the time I checked on them the next day, I had to call the farmer & tell him not to come. They were devoted to each other, sweet, loving, & needy. My heart went out to them. At the end of a week or so I took them to the vet before bringing them in with my other cats. Karma was gangly & uncoordinated, long & lean. On her first vet trip she stayed in the carrier & on the exam table. When she went for her follow up shots she was on the floor walking around while waiting for the vet to come in & I saw she really had trouble controlling the movement of her back end, so I asked them to check her. That's when we found that she'd had some kind of blunt force trauma to her upper spine. It wasn't that she was gangly & long, she was stuck or kicked so hard well before then being abandoned with her sister, that her back legs or hip was unstable. I can't  imagine it or how young she was when it happened. Yet sometimes I can't help getting an image.

The vet prescribed kitty glucosamine & I started giving it to her daily, & to my elderly cat, Whiskers. I can absolutely tell you how to get medicine into your cats! I gave it to her until she seemed entirely healed, then a month or 2 more to be sure. I've also worked on their emotional healing, through prayer, Reiki, love, kindness, & sensitivity to their special needs. I was very careful in how I approached them, very gentle, slow, extra kind. All cats have preferences about how you touch them, pet them, play with them, & what you do to & with them. But cats like these need extra care & consideration in these things. They need us to be entirely sensitive & observant of their needs. I've done that with these girls, as well as the Reiki & prayers. Cassandra seldom shows any signs of her former life any more. The only time I see her act fearful is if one of my other cats becomes aggressive with her. However, she's remained a rather meek thing, a bit quirky about how she likes her attention. Of course, I don't know whether it's her nature or her past. Karma still has a long way to go. She follows me everywhere at times, & gets under my feet. I end up kicking her feet by accident sometimes but she doesn't mind. For one thing, I never go charging through the house. That's not my pace & I've lived with cats long enough that my feet have an innate "cat sense." So I never really hurt her & she realizes that it's accidental. Karma sometimes cuddles me when I put my feet up on the couch in the evening, climbs on my lap & really wants me. But she faces away from my face, usually. She also sleeps on the bed with me every night & has for quite awhile now. She presses her body against me as hard as she can, but down by my knees or calves. However, recently I've found her near my waist a time or two when I've awakened. That's progress. She's still a little funny about being petted along the back, & no one but me has ever touched her since she came to me. But healing takes time with them just as with us, & she's getting there. It makes me so happy to see that Cassandra has healed. It breaks my heart that Karma was so damaged that 18 months later she still has so very much healing to do.

I love people & hurt for their emotional hurts but my heart breaks over the innocents like cats. Thanks to guidance from a friend, I'm about to start looking for grant money & a storefront to open a business called Cattitude. It will be a healing center for cats & other animals, as well as a shop. The shop will have holistic products for cats & other pets, hand made catnip pillows & who knows what all else for their pleasure, & cute cat things for their people. Just as I can formulate with essential oils for people, I can do it for pets. I'd appreciate any information you all have on grants for women starting small businesses, any resource information & help you can give me. And your business. Right now, I'll be working from my home doing my work with animals. I do Reiki on animals, help animals cross over, am a pet psychic & medium, animal communicator, & cat behavior specialist. I can help with physical & emotional healing, as well as teaching you to communicate with your cat & Cat 101 - 103. This is my heart - healing the innocents.

Just a note. I can & do work - healing & communication, behavioral issues - with any & all kinds of animals. For example, a friend was concerned about her guinea pig. I did Reiki & communicated with her & got to the root of the problem she was displaying behaviors about. Her person (I dislike the word "owner") was sensitive to her moods & needs & brought her to me. Most people don't actually bring their animals because of their comfort level but she did. I absolutely love connecting with the animals & communicating with them. I love their spirits! And they love the attention. At first it's amazing to them that a human can & wants to speak their language, cares enough to do that. They willingly convey the answers to whatever I'm asking & then they get chatty with me. They love me for caring & the love the novelty of communicating so deeply with a human. Those of you who wish to have deeper communication & bonding with your pets can be taught some of this. I can teach you to at least think on their level some & truly bond with them. And I can tell you what's going on with them.

Priorities Management vs. Time Management

I've always resisted time management, even hate the phrase. As an artistic, creative personality it's entirely counter to my nature. However, I've come to understand the need for management & to understand that managing our priorities is what each of us needs to do.

First, you have to get in touch with your true priorities. In time management you're asked to rate your priorities & pay attention to how much time you're giving each of them. Your top priorities need to have your biggest time & attention. Time management principles actually work in priorities management, so I'm glad I learned them. As I've said many times before, it's your attitude & the slant you put on things that matter. Once I slanted the principle to the idea of completely managing my priorities instead of my time, I was able to apply what I'd learned.

Those of us in non-traditional work especially need to get in touch with the priorities based on our highest good & functioning. Our time is not dictated by a 9 - 5 job so we have to give ourselves the structure we need. I haven't been effectively managing my own priorities & the biggest mistake I was making was not putting myself in there. We are not unlimited resources so we have to put all our needs into the priorities category too. We all need download/relax time, renewal time (think meditation, prayer, etc.), family time, friend time, play time, exercise, food, sleep & rest, just as a start. This is true whether your time is dictated by an employer or home office, or not.

I begin each day by giving myself, my life, & my day to God to do with as He will, to guide, lead, & direct. Those are my exact words, & I entirely mean it. So I was just following inner prompts from there on out each day. And my inner prompts are faulty in some ways. For one thing, I'm not trained to include me. I'm trained to make myself last & least. So I'd start my day with prayer & angel work, "I Am"s & manifestation work, then usually come write the blog. Housekeeping & cat care is always a part of my day but when I do them has entirely varied. Usually I do these things while on the phone with someone. My Bluetooth has become an essential tool. There's nothing wrong with this. We don't have to have rigid schedules & many of us can't work that way. That's why thinking of priorities management vs. time management is so helpful. If you reject time management & don't work on priorities management, your time entirely gets away from you.

I was living in response to what came up each day without managing my priorities with the above system. I was failing to manage so therefore always struggling to keep up, not using my time in the way I needed to, the most productive ways. I was also focused on being productive rather than thriving. More on that another time. I was always working very hard but not on my priorities, being responsive to those in need & therefore putting them before me. I was therefore not doing the things I wanted & needed to do to thrive. Everyone else benefiting & I only marginally did. There was never time left in a day for me or what I wanted & needed.

When I sat down to line out my priorities & assign values, I was very surprised at what I found. Things I'd considered to be top priorities really aren't & the things I've been neglecting are. I wrote down my priorities, then designated whether they are daily or weekly priorities. Then I gave them the values. Here's what I came up with. Number 1 daily priorities for me are: exercise, play, singing, & dancing; healing myself; prayer time (affirmations, angel work included); rest; sleep; personal care (at my age that now includes skin care). Number 2 daily priorities include: my cats; income generation; Reiki & doing God's work, my life mission work; making things (crafts). Number 3 mostly falls into the weekly category, it turns out: housekeeping (daily & weekly); reading & studying, learning; meditation; business management; personal business management (liked bill paying); networking. Number 4, weekly: friends; family; creating art. Number 5, weekly: socialization. 

I was putting friends & family before me. I was putting work before me, & often putting friends & family before work. I wasn't devoting any time to exercise & play & it truly is a daily priority. I didn't have personal self care in there, or self healing. As a result, I seldom gave any time ever to these things, or only minimally. It may not sound important to you, but I want to start using skin cream daily! I also didn't have craft work in there at all, & it's necessary for my life. But until I wrote it in as a priority, it was something I seldom gave myself time for. Same with art. I could go on & on about this but the point is, I've been putting others & responding to them & always being available above all else. I'm in the people & pet business so I've been putting them first & all except my most urgent needs & wants haven't been addressed at all. That leads to health problems, burn out, & resentments. My body has been trying to get my attention for awhile now, going to more & more drastic measures to do it. So lately I've had hives & other stress reactions. I haven't been outwardly feeling the stress because I manage it well. You know how if you usually read my blogs. Since I so effectively manage my mind, my body had to rebel to tell me.

Now that I have my true priorities lined out & set in order of importance, it's up to me to schedule my time daily & weekly to align with my own priorities. Perhaps that will lead to another blog. I'll have to see how to be fluid in my time & still structure my life based on my individual priorities.

Energy Workers, Psychics, Mediums, Friends, & Boundaries

As an energy worker, some boundary issues have become apparent lately & I feel the need to cover them. Some who read this blog are energy workers & most are regular clients. You all need to understand the greater importance of boundaries in our lives. Energy workers come in many different modalities. Some use their own energy as a basis for healing & some channel the energy. Reiki uses channeled energy rather than our own, for example. Those of us who channel energy tend to find ourselves in a state of grace after channeling. Those who channel tend not to get depleted by doing energy work, but we still need lots of extra care because of the work we do. For one thing, we are exposed to all the negatives when we do our work. We deal with mind, body, & spirit disease & those who carry them. We work not to absorb any of it but we have to dwell in that atmosphere while helping. Energy workers are humans in the first place, with all the same needs for rest, peace, happiness, wellness, socialization & play that everyone has. But in addition, we require regular renewal due to the negativity that surrounds us when we do our work.

All heart centered energy workers are very friendly & loving, & we attract a multitude of people. The people we attract & help feel especially close to us & many end up considering us to be friends in the traditional sense. They try to treat us just as they do their other friends. They expect to be included in the kinds of information that people only share with their closest circle of friends & family. They expect us to call & message them on a friendship level or turn to them for emotional support when we need it. And they expect to be able to call us & chat about whatever is on their minds, as they do with other friends. Some of them call at all hours of the day & night & about every little thing.

Energy workers tend to only be intimate friends with other energy workers. I know & love several psychics & mediums who are the same way, & understand that this stuff applies to them too. I am fortunate enough to have their love & friendship but I don't mistake it for being in their circle or as intimate friendships. Many of your are finding your own potential but not yet awakened to or living a life devoted to your gifts. That means that although we may share a similar spirit, I'm not going to have you in my inner circle. The only people in my personal inner circle are already in tune to their gifts & working with them, someone I've taken under my wing, or family. I have a balance of power & energy with my inner circle friends. We support each other with healing, ideas, a balance & exchange of energy, & sharing of experiences.

Energy workers, psychics, & mediums - we all have to guard our energy & time. Have you ever seen the show called "Long Island Medium"? She doesn't guard her time or energy & becomes frazzled, seems to have little life outside her work, & her family is always complaining. This is an example of a medium without boundaries. Now, I'm not nearly as much a medium as I am an energy worker. Mediumship is a tool that I use to compliment my work as a healer, as it involves animals. I can help people heal their hearts by helping a beloved pet cross over & give a message, or by contacting a departed pet. Otherwise, it's not one of my gifts so far. This means I don't have messages coming at me all the time like the woman in the show. I'm not saying it's entirely possible for her to better control receiving messages from spirit. But if she can, I can tell you she certainly needs to. If it's possible for her to set boundaries with the spirits that come to her, to shut it off at times, I believe she should for her own good.

Most of us in these fields have more trouble with humans than those who have crossed over, like she does. We absolutely can & need to set those boundaries. We need to set boundaries on our time most of all. I have to regularly cut people off when they start to tell me every single detail about their problems. Energetically, it's not in my best interest to listen to it, for one thing. I understand that the person wants to vent but I'm not a psychiatrist so telling me all of it is misplaced. It engages my energy in a way that's non-productive for both of us. It also engages my time & attention in a completely negative way. Energy workers are at least somewhat psychic when it comes to the problem. We get the message in a moment, rather than needing to hear the details, & we ask questions if we feel the need to know more.

That's one time problem I find that arises regularly. Another is the people who call me late at night. I'm not sure where simple courtesy went out of fashion but I was raised not to phone someone after 9 p.m. unless told it's ok. These days I extend that to 9:30 with those I'm on a friendly basis with, as long as I know they don't get up for work super early. Yet a friend that I help from time to time called me at 10:55 p.m. last night! Let me tell you, unless you're one of my kids or my significant other, there's no way I want you to call me that late. At some point I have to relax & get my mind & body settled for sleep. I have to download from all that's involved in helping others every day. I regularly do talk on the phone that late & later, but only within my family. Calls with my closest family relax me & make me feel good, don't interfere with that download. Those of us in the mentioned fields especially have to download before bed. At some point in the evening, our giving & "socialization" energy is gone & we just want to commune with ourselves & our families. I commune with my family of cats since no other family lives with me. But they're still important family, feel & act as family, & I have to have my time to get cozy & be just with them every evening.

The other problem I've run into comes from giving away products & services. Every time I've done that without some kind of exchange taking place I've ended up being used. One thing that happens is that people waste my time on the phone or in person. On Sunday a young man came for a Reiki treatment. We were going to alternate giving Reiki to each other & we started with him coming to me for a treatment. He stayed for 5 hours! (Most regular Reiki sessions are 1 hour.) It ended up being a terrible imposition & a real turn off for me. I had to postpone all my own emotional needs for 8 hours because of this. I had other obligations, including eating a meal, that added up to the other 3 hours. It was a day I really needed some time to process some emotional events & I'm feeling rather resentful, which is negative energy. Only I'm too nice to tell him all this. That's the other problem with giving away my products & services. I'm too nice to deny people or say anything. But I'm learning that if I give it to you, you'll come to me for every little thing rather than trying to solve things yourself or utilizing other sources. And you'll spend your money, time or energy elsewhere & I'm left with none of that. That's the position I've found myself in after months of this. Back to those 5 hours on Sunday. Even if I hadn't had the need to invest in my own emotions & needs that day, it was a misuse of my time. Most of us just don't have 5 hours to give away that way. We all have things we want or need to do with our time. And people who come & camp out at our houses or try to on the phone with us, are simply imposing. They're stealing our time & energy, wasting it. No one on this earth has unlimited time, or energy, mental health, or other personal resources. We all have to renew ourselves & our energies daily. So others must be respectful of us & we have to be respectful of ourselves & set our boundaries. But most heart centered people in any of these fields have a hard time setting these boundaries & hate having to enforce them. We love giving, hate being put in the role of having to say no because degrees of friendship & service have been assumed. We really don't like having to ask someone to leave, hustle people off the phone, or cut them off in conversation.

I guess one of the biggest messages I want to get out there is that energy workers, psychics, & mediums are highly sensitive, & in service to others. As such, we need more care & respect than average professions. There are other traditional professions that have the same needs, like many kinds of health care workers & other service professionals. And if I haven't covered your non-traditional field but you fit in all this with those in the title, please forgive me. I'm only speaking about what I know best & that's it.

I get less respect than most when it comes to my work with animals. Also, because I do so much Distance Reiki rather than in person sessions. People tend to misunderstand & expect me to Reiki them through Distance or their pets, for free. They seem to think because it's an animal it doesn't count, yet they expect to pay their vet. They seem to think I should do Distance Reiki for free, but they wouldn't be asking their therapists to work for free. People also try to get me to diagnosis their pet behavior problems & solve them for free, explain theirs pets to them, etc. They tell me just a little about what's going on with a cat & expect me to divine the rest. Yet cats are the most complex pets we have! People also tend to expect me to solve every little thing about every pet they have, with multiple pets & issues. I am an animal behaviorist, communicator, healer, psychic, & medium, with a specialty in cats. I can tell you that it's no easier to do my work with them than it is with people. It takes my same amount of time, learning, research, expertise, & energy. You wouldn't contact your doctor on Facebook & ask him about your mystery rash symptoms so you shouldn't be expecting me to solve & explain every little thing about your pets either. I absolutely love helping & my mission is to promote understanding & improve the lives of every cat that I can through education (of people!), healing, & communicating. But that doesn't mean I have the time & energy to do it all, especially without some kind of compensation. Honestly, all of you can come up with some kind of "payment" for the services you're seeking! You have gifts & talents if nothing else, ways you can serve us that we need. You could mow our yards, bring us food, provide secretarial help, run errands for us, do research for us if you absolutely can't pay us - just ask us what we need! And one form of "payment" I can tell each of you we need from you & respect & referrals. You tell your friends referral type information all the time, called "word of mouth." If Ruby Tuesday has a new dish on the menu that was the best you ever had, you tell your friends. If the bakery is having a special on your favorite cookies, you tell your friends. Tell your friends about us when we do good things for you with our work. And treat us with the respect you give all other professionals.

Languages, Downloads, Messengers

I have my own language. The biggest example I can think of is "beyond my wildest dreams." This has a world of meaning to me & I've spoken a lot on it lately. It's the language of my heart so only my deepest heart actually knows what it means, & God & His Universe. My heart has always yearned for it. I can't define it or name it. It's my deepest language, part of my deepest need. "Exquisite" is part of it. "Shades of grey" is another thing that is a theme for me. My newest theme is barely surviving vs. thriving.

The Universe speaks to us in many ways & from many different sources. This week someone I was life coaching in the past gave me the key I've been looking for about "learning" the ancient healing lore. I've retained the knowledge from past lives but have to "relearn" or recover what I know. She was my Divine messenger that day, told me where I'd find the literature that would unlock it for me.

When something comes up that speaks your language, you know it's for you. Friday I saw that tonight there's a free webinar on surviving vs. thriving in business as a metaphysical worker. I usually ignore offerings from this source even though it's a good one. I'd never get anything done if I read everything that comes to me from my friends & internet sources, listened to every free webinar, etc. But I knew the moment I saw the title, even before reading that it was about business, that it's for me.

The Universe seems to work in themes that it downloads as messages to many Lightworkers around the same time. I've experienced this over & over, since I regularly network with other Lightworkers. We're even given these messages in much the same words!

We have so many sources for these messages. Sometimes they just pop straight into our head, a Divine download when we're working out a concept or working on a problem. It can also come when we ask a question of God/the Universe, or our angels or guides. People regularly ask me how they can know whether this comes from God or them. I tell them it doesn't matter which but I can now easily tell the difference. If I ask a question or express a need to understand something & the answer immediately pops into my head, I know it didn't come from me. I'm not sure who supplies it unless I've directly asked someone in particular, like God or a specific angel. I'm especially not sure who supplied it if the answer doesn't come right away & is supplied through a human or the topic appears in a webinar or I see a thread already about it on Facebook. But I know now that these things don't come from me. What if they did? I'd still trust them. I don't necessarily trust feelings based answers though, or answers that could have come straight from my emotions. If I want a certain outcome & ask about it, I don't trust the answer if it pops into my head. That could very well be me just trying to will it to be so.

I always eventually get my answers, especially if I'm trying to learn or understand something spiritual or about myself. I've gotten answers through classes, readings, hanging around other Lightworkers & the conversations that come up. Sometimes I ask a mentor I trust. I know who all to ask about what, so that I can trust the answer. Not everyone who thinks they know things can help me because all people have their own beliefs that color their answers. I'm very careful about my sources. I've signed on to different metaphysical sites & sites of energy workers that do webinars & things, send out newsletters, etc. I'm on Facebook with so many other Lightworkers. I read books about what I want to know but mostly that's not my source because I can't read fast enough to keep up with all I want to learn & know. Mostly these days I find out what I want to know by knowing who to consult, or because the same themes are coming to others, by figuring it out (knowing myself & going within to analyse & understand myself better). But the biggest source I have is Divine direct answers & guidance. You too can develop that by asking out loud & then listening, expecting the answer. Until recently, most of the answers took a long time to come to me. That was true of my first 18 months or so as an active energy worker. But all the time, it was getting faster, less time over time between when I'd ask & when I'd know. I think we have to learn a certain amount, certain things before the answers start coming more quickly. I also think we have to learn to expect & to listen. And I think that the answers are coming faster in the quickly changing 2012 energies, especially now that the warmer weather & rebirth of spring is happening. I use all I can, every day that I can, to learn all I want to know. And I don't clutter my brain with the things I don't care about knowing. And I don't seek to know it all at once any more. And I've learned to entirely expect answers. If not right away, I've learned they'll eventually come to me. I've learned to sense when to seek, when to expect immediacy or near immediacy, & how to wait.

Let's Dance On

Read the title, cue The Monkee's song playing in my head. When I was in my 20s & earlier, back when I said musical notes ran through my veins instead of blood, I used to hear music in my head quite often. I'd think of a phrase & a particular song with that phrase would start playing in my head & continue for quite awhile. It was really pretty cool. Did you ever see the old cable special series, "Dream On"? The introduction shows the little boy in front of the TV, & at stages as he grew up. So for him, instead of music being cued, clips of old movies & TV shows would start playing in his head. I loved that show because I could so relate, plus I loved old movies too.

This morning started with "Shades of Gray" playing again & I'm not sure I said that every single time I've thought of people seeing in black & white vs. shades of gray that song starts playing in my head. As I've told you, my mind continues to work on important things beyond the initial conversation. Turns out this was important, it seems. The next song was "Taking Care of Business," which I don't even really like, because I was trying to corral my thoughts to get stuff done today.

The reason the music is back playing in my head today is that I'm so much more than happy, relieved & thrilled. A week ago I posted about psychic surgery & I don't think I said but I hinted that I was waiting to hear if I'd be diagnosed with a form of skin cancer. The doctor said the "C" word on April 2 & insisted on a biopsy. But I've actually had an indication for about 9 months or so that there was the possibility, so that increased the fear potential. You can lightly say it's curable but remember I have no health insurance or benefits & that greatly decreases my options. Plus I'm looking for a job & hospitalization or surgery would knock me off track for awhile. I also have no one to regularly take care of me or help me handle the burdens. I'm very close with my neighbor, but there's no substitute for a parent or mate. Also, no one wants to hear the "C" word & I let this go too long before going to the doctor. So I've tried to keep my anxiety at bay, tried to do nothing but positive thinking & intent, tried to keep all the energy positive & not influence my blogs except when addressing common issues this brought up. I can't be the judge of how I did with the blogs. If it bled into them in an uncomfortable or unhelpful way, I apologize.

It's been very hard to stay positive & only send out positive thoughts, but I've done a darned good job all things considered. Countless times the "C" word & disaster thoughts would pop into my head. Each time, I "heard" them but refuted them with logic & prayer. I acknowledged my right to feel fear, sadness, anger (my ex caused the problem that led to the lesion), & all the emotions that arose. It's only natural. But then I reasoned out why it wasn't cancer (I'd have had other signs by now, for one thing). I reasoned out how to handle whatever diagnosis came back & whatever treatment was recommended. I've been doing this with the money situation too, as I'm down to my last $300 with no income in sight. And I've prayed. I'm not sure what order I've done this in - I think it's varied between pray first & reason first. But part of facing all fears is to figure out the worst that can happen & figure out how you would survive it, come up with a plan. As soon as you have a plan in place, it puts you in control of the outcome! It gives you the power! Then it's not something just happening to you, you have a plan of action instead of only being able to react. Then you have to figure out what the probably outcome is, which is usually the middle ground. Again, figure out how you'd best handle it - come up with a plan. I've been doing this for most of my adult life, for as long as I can remember. And I've never had the "worst case" happen. In fact, once I do all that planning, which leads to such relief, there ends up being no "disaster" after all. I don't have to end up using any of the plans. Yet making those plans was all important for several reasons. One, every time the fear comes in, the plan is part of what I use to counter the fear. I know I'll survive even the worst case scenario because I have a plan. And once you make plan after plan, you eventually figure out that you can survive anything.

In this case, I was told there's a concern that the lesion could be pre-cancerous & they aren't talking surgery at this point. But my worry is over. I realize that Creator has done it again. He sent someone into my life that caused me to finally confront this & go to the doctor before it was too late, for one thing. Plus, I had the psychic surgery. Sandy (Sandra Bear Davis on Facebook) removed the "darkness." So she removed the cancer potential & the cause of the disease. After all this time, the physical healing is going to be a process as there's a lot wrong & the emotional issues that caused the physical started when I was a child. But the real danger has passed & I know I can work with Sandy, other healer friends, God, the angels, myself, & the doctors to bring about a complete healing. And I've faced it down finally & all the emotional issues involved in even doing that! I now have absolutely nothing left in the entire world hanging over my head that I haven't faced & handled! This is the truest form of freedom! And this too brings about profound healing.

Now that the songs are playing in my head again & I've faced all my demons, I realize I missed the music. Now that I've faced my issues & am healing, I'm free to add all the "little" pleasures & necessities back into my life. Music is truly important. So is dance, which is one of the best forms of exercise & expressions of joy & gratitude. It's also a great way to connect with yourself, energy, & Mother Earth. The only thing I don't have a handle on yet along those lines is play. That issue/word keeps coming up in my head because I know how important it is to the 5 year old in me. I haven't figured out all that truly means to me yet.

I'm still in "trouble" financially, without a car & job. Things are still pretty tough around here, & finding work & getting income is my first order of business. But I'm absolutely moving into taking better care of myself now. I'm giving self healing, maintenance, & breaks a healthier twist & more of a role in my life. I'm thinking through what I truly need & then want in my life to be whole, healthy, & happy. I'm implementing these things as quickly as possible. These are most of the "resolutions" I made for myself, one a month (or a related cluster each month), for 2012. Before this, I was giving all my time & care to others & barely any to myself. I was responsive to any & everyone all day & night 7 days a week. I was doing Reiki on others & never on myself. Yes, I took time to wind down in the evenings, watching TV & knitting. I know that words for me, is something comfortable that I really enjoy & need. But I was barely taking the time to read up on the things I want to know - manifestation work, herbal medicine, different forms of energy healing, crystals... I wasn't reading novels, which I totally love to do, because I wasn't reading the informational books on the things I wanted to know. I wasn't allowing myself to read just for pleasure. I haven't been making time for music, exercise, dance, or meditation because I was too busy giving to others & not paying enough attention to me. I was actually doing less than minimal care of myself & my needs, including postponing meals. I was putting others & duty before self maintenance & enjoying life! The biggest "black & white" I was doing was being all about duty & responsibility; & about being a healer & helper for others, instead of taking care of myself. And the next time you want to beat yourself up for being dense & not getting the message, think of this. I didn't get the message until this week. My body had to start entirely attacking itself to get my full attention! I'm having a series of mysterious auto-immune attacks throughout my body & only today have I finally figured out the reason. It so helps to be a healer & intuitive when it comes to figuring out some of the truly "fluky" things that go on with me. Besides this stuff going on with my body, I've finally come to terms with the fact that when I'm really stressed I adversely affect electricity. I fry wiring systems & short out the electronics for major appliances! Tuesday or Wednesday I saw it at work again when fear hit me hard for the 2nd night in a row. The kitchen lights wouldn't come on while I was cooking dinner. I paid attention to my emotions & thought pattern because by now I know it's me causing these things. During dinner I did my work - mentally reviewed my plans, prayed, did the self-talk I needed & calmed the fears. After dinner, they worked on the first try.

Now "Lord of the Dance," from the newest Methodist hymnal that I've seen, is playing in my head. "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the Moon & the Stars & the Sun. I came down from Heaven & I danced on Earth. At Bethlehem I had my birth: Dance then, wherever you may be. I am the Lord of the Dance, said He! And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be. And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He!" You can Google all the words & the music. It's a Celtic sounding song so it is lilting, beautiful, & really moves & flows. I start out smiling & dancing in my heart & then end up crying as I sing because it goes into the sorrows of my Beloved (Yeshua, Jesus). I had forgotten this was His song, was thinking it was about God. So it's so very fitting to end with this song today. And I'm crying as I write this, too, overcome in a good way by the message & promise here. These days I receive soul messages & it's difficult even for me, a wordsmith, to put them into words. It's a full-life knowing, a whole picture at once, whole concept & flood of knowledge at once. I realize that I need to sing & dance & play with Jesus to get the sweetness running through my own life, to get my truest & biggest needs met. It's the weekend so I can really devote some time to this. Except I need to just use it to start this, & put some in every day that I can. So, the goal is 5 times a week, realistically. Because all of us have about 2 days a week that are so booked or get away from us & we can't do all that's vital in those days. If you have more than an average of 2 a week, you need to re-evaluate everything you're spending your time on! You need to see if your priorities are out of whack like mine were! There's nothing wrong with being duty & responsibility oriented or devoted to helping others. The problem was that I didn't make myself a priority along with those things. I didn't plan me in effectively, with my truest & healthiest needs in mind. I just stayed with old habits that no longer served & barely met my needs. I stayed in reaction mode rather than creating a plan for taking care of me & all of my hierarchy of needs when I changed my life & took on all that extra responsibility at the end of 2010. Don't wait until your body totally rebels & you ruin a $600 washing machine!