Let's Dance On

Read the title, cue The Monkee's song playing in my head. When I was in my 20s & earlier, back when I said musical notes ran through my veins instead of blood, I used to hear music in my head quite often. I'd think of a phrase & a particular song with that phrase would start playing in my head & continue for quite awhile. It was really pretty cool. Did you ever see the old cable special series, "Dream On"? The introduction shows the little boy in front of the TV, & at stages as he grew up. So for him, instead of music being cued, clips of old movies & TV shows would start playing in his head. I loved that show because I could so relate, plus I loved old movies too.

This morning started with "Shades of Gray" playing again & I'm not sure I said that every single time I've thought of people seeing in black & white vs. shades of gray that song starts playing in my head. As I've told you, my mind continues to work on important things beyond the initial conversation. Turns out this was important, it seems. The next song was "Taking Care of Business," which I don't even really like, because I was trying to corral my thoughts to get stuff done today.

The reason the music is back playing in my head today is that I'm so much more than happy, relieved & thrilled. A week ago I posted about psychic surgery & I don't think I said but I hinted that I was waiting to hear if I'd be diagnosed with a form of skin cancer. The doctor said the "C" word on April 2 & insisted on a biopsy. But I've actually had an indication for about 9 months or so that there was the possibility, so that increased the fear potential. You can lightly say it's curable but remember I have no health insurance or benefits & that greatly decreases my options. Plus I'm looking for a job & hospitalization or surgery would knock me off track for awhile. I also have no one to regularly take care of me or help me handle the burdens. I'm very close with my neighbor, but there's no substitute for a parent or mate. Also, no one wants to hear the "C" word & I let this go too long before going to the doctor. So I've tried to keep my anxiety at bay, tried to do nothing but positive thinking & intent, tried to keep all the energy positive & not influence my blogs except when addressing common issues this brought up. I can't be the judge of how I did with the blogs. If it bled into them in an uncomfortable or unhelpful way, I apologize.

It's been very hard to stay positive & only send out positive thoughts, but I've done a darned good job all things considered. Countless times the "C" word & disaster thoughts would pop into my head. Each time, I "heard" them but refuted them with logic & prayer. I acknowledged my right to feel fear, sadness, anger (my ex caused the problem that led to the lesion), & all the emotions that arose. It's only natural. But then I reasoned out why it wasn't cancer (I'd have had other signs by now, for one thing). I reasoned out how to handle whatever diagnosis came back & whatever treatment was recommended. I've been doing this with the money situation too, as I'm down to my last $300 with no income in sight. And I've prayed. I'm not sure what order I've done this in - I think it's varied between pray first & reason first. But part of facing all fears is to figure out the worst that can happen & figure out how you would survive it, come up with a plan. As soon as you have a plan in place, it puts you in control of the outcome! It gives you the power! Then it's not something just happening to you, you have a plan of action instead of only being able to react. Then you have to figure out what the probably outcome is, which is usually the middle ground. Again, figure out how you'd best handle it - come up with a plan. I've been doing this for most of my adult life, for as long as I can remember. And I've never had the "worst case" happen. In fact, once I do all that planning, which leads to such relief, there ends up being no "disaster" after all. I don't have to end up using any of the plans. Yet making those plans was all important for several reasons. One, every time the fear comes in, the plan is part of what I use to counter the fear. I know I'll survive even the worst case scenario because I have a plan. And once you make plan after plan, you eventually figure out that you can survive anything.

In this case, I was told there's a concern that the lesion could be pre-cancerous & they aren't talking surgery at this point. But my worry is over. I realize that Creator has done it again. He sent someone into my life that caused me to finally confront this & go to the doctor before it was too late, for one thing. Plus, I had the psychic surgery. Sandy (Sandra Bear Davis on Facebook) removed the "darkness." So she removed the cancer potential & the cause of the disease. After all this time, the physical healing is going to be a process as there's a lot wrong & the emotional issues that caused the physical started when I was a child. But the real danger has passed & I know I can work with Sandy, other healer friends, God, the angels, myself, & the doctors to bring about a complete healing. And I've faced it down finally & all the emotional issues involved in even doing that! I now have absolutely nothing left in the entire world hanging over my head that I haven't faced & handled! This is the truest form of freedom! And this too brings about profound healing.

Now that the songs are playing in my head again & I've faced all my demons, I realize I missed the music. Now that I've faced my issues & am healing, I'm free to add all the "little" pleasures & necessities back into my life. Music is truly important. So is dance, which is one of the best forms of exercise & expressions of joy & gratitude. It's also a great way to connect with yourself, energy, & Mother Earth. The only thing I don't have a handle on yet along those lines is play. That issue/word keeps coming up in my head because I know how important it is to the 5 year old in me. I haven't figured out all that truly means to me yet.

I'm still in "trouble" financially, without a car & job. Things are still pretty tough around here, & finding work & getting income is my first order of business. But I'm absolutely moving into taking better care of myself now. I'm giving self healing, maintenance, & breaks a healthier twist & more of a role in my life. I'm thinking through what I truly need & then want in my life to be whole, healthy, & happy. I'm implementing these things as quickly as possible. These are most of the "resolutions" I made for myself, one a month (or a related cluster each month), for 2012. Before this, I was giving all my time & care to others & barely any to myself. I was responsive to any & everyone all day & night 7 days a week. I was doing Reiki on others & never on myself. Yes, I took time to wind down in the evenings, watching TV & knitting. I know that words for me, is something comfortable that I really enjoy & need. But I was barely taking the time to read up on the things I want to know - manifestation work, herbal medicine, different forms of energy healing, crystals... I wasn't reading novels, which I totally love to do, because I wasn't reading the informational books on the things I wanted to know. I wasn't allowing myself to read just for pleasure. I haven't been making time for music, exercise, dance, or meditation because I was too busy giving to others & not paying enough attention to me. I was actually doing less than minimal care of myself & my needs, including postponing meals. I was putting others & duty before self maintenance & enjoying life! The biggest "black & white" I was doing was being all about duty & responsibility; & about being a healer & helper for others, instead of taking care of myself. And the next time you want to beat yourself up for being dense & not getting the message, think of this. I didn't get the message until this week. My body had to start entirely attacking itself to get my full attention! I'm having a series of mysterious auto-immune attacks throughout my body & only today have I finally figured out the reason. It so helps to be a healer & intuitive when it comes to figuring out some of the truly "fluky" things that go on with me. Besides this stuff going on with my body, I've finally come to terms with the fact that when I'm really stressed I adversely affect electricity. I fry wiring systems & short out the electronics for major appliances! Tuesday or Wednesday I saw it at work again when fear hit me hard for the 2nd night in a row. The kitchen lights wouldn't come on while I was cooking dinner. I paid attention to my emotions & thought pattern because by now I know it's me causing these things. During dinner I did my work - mentally reviewed my plans, prayed, did the self-talk I needed & calmed the fears. After dinner, they worked on the first try.

Now "Lord of the Dance," from the newest Methodist hymnal that I've seen, is playing in my head. "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the Moon & the Stars & the Sun. I came down from Heaven & I danced on Earth. At Bethlehem I had my birth: Dance then, wherever you may be. I am the Lord of the Dance, said He! And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be. And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He!" You can Google all the words & the music. It's a Celtic sounding song so it is lilting, beautiful, & really moves & flows. I start out smiling & dancing in my heart & then end up crying as I sing because it goes into the sorrows of my Beloved (Yeshua, Jesus). I had forgotten this was His song, was thinking it was about God. So it's so very fitting to end with this song today. And I'm crying as I write this, too, overcome in a good way by the message & promise here. These days I receive soul messages & it's difficult even for me, a wordsmith, to put them into words. It's a full-life knowing, a whole picture at once, whole concept & flood of knowledge at once. I realize that I need to sing & dance & play with Jesus to get the sweetness running through my own life, to get my truest & biggest needs met. It's the weekend so I can really devote some time to this. Except I need to just use it to start this, & put some in every day that I can. So, the goal is 5 times a week, realistically. Because all of us have about 2 days a week that are so booked or get away from us & we can't do all that's vital in those days. If you have more than an average of 2 a week, you need to re-evaluate everything you're spending your time on! You need to see if your priorities are out of whack like mine were! There's nothing wrong with being duty & responsibility oriented or devoted to helping others. The problem was that I didn't make myself a priority along with those things. I didn't plan me in effectively, with my truest & healthiest needs in mind. I just stayed with old habits that no longer served & barely met my needs. I stayed in reaction mode rather than creating a plan for taking care of me & all of my hierarchy of needs when I changed my life & took on all that extra responsibility at the end of 2010. Don't wait until your body totally rebels & you ruin a $600 washing machine!