Ever Feel Like a Fake? Forgive Yourself

I blog about how to best live your lives yet mine is far from perfect. I blog about doing all you can every day that you can, but my life has all the ups & downs yours does. My house is never as clean as I'd like, my follow through isn't as immediate as I'd like. I have fears & insecurities, physical & emotional pain & problems. My daughter recently said she felt like a fake for posting her relief at being approved by the insurance company for fertility treatments (IVF) because later that day she got a rejection letter. That stayed with me because that's something that has so plagued me - feeling like a fake.

I'm always working on emotional healing, getting my life more together, being the best me I can be. One of the things I've had to learn is to forgive myself each time I'm not perfect. Just because I write a spiritual & self-help blog doesn't mean I have to be perfect in order to write these things. We all are in the process of becoming unless we're standing still, dead wood. I certainly am not that! But we're also all human, me included.

I'm getting better all the time, in all ways. I'll never be finished learning, improving, growing. I'm learning to forgive myself more every day. I'm learning to accept myself just as I am while striving always to do better. There has to be a balance there between knowing your weaknesses & what you want to improve while allowing yourself to make errors & forgiving yourself for being human, for "mistakes." I need to understand that "mistakes" are an illusion, as is "failure." It's all part of learning & growing & healing & winning. Few people get it all right the first time. We usually learn more from our "mistakes" than we do from getting it right the first time. All the greatest minds & inventors had to work with "trial & error," didn't get it right the first time. The thing is to keep working at it, but not constantly. We need to give our minds time to process between tries, & "time off." I'm almost always "on" but have learned how to turn it off some. Each evening I spend time "decompressing." I'm off the phone & alone with myself & the cats. It's their favorite time because I'm more likely to be in one place for awhile, on the couch with my feet up. It's their lap time. I pet them a little, but mostly I watch TV & do needlework of some kind. I'm minimally watching the TV usually. It's a distraction from my thoughts, gives my mind a chance to download & relax from all the real world stuff in it all the time. The needlework engages me & relaxes me. Another way is to read a book, but these days I'm not reading novels. All I have are books I wish to learn from & that's not relaxing. My evening ritual prepares me for bed so I don't have everything racing around in my head while trying to go to sleep.

My daughter achieved almost everything in life way ahead of the fastest part of the learning curve. She crawled & walked way before most children. But she struggled at it & was always trying to force it. She made herself & me miserable with it, & her father too. My son was an observer. He did everything in about the middle of the learning curve. He'd watch how things were done until he was ready to do them. But even then, he never got it right the first time - it was always on his second try. As I write I picture him trying to tie his shoes for the first time, then the second.

Most of us who ever feel like a fake are the most authentic people out there. Those who truly are fakes try to hide it from themselves & others. It's great to always try to be better than we are, accomplish more, achieve more, be kinder, gentler, calmer, nicer. But we have to balance it. We have to forgive ourselves & give ourselves permission to be less than perfect, not always try to force the issues. We have to give ourselves time off from it sometimes. We have to learn to play & have fun, have balance. We have to rest, have leisure time. My daughter is still a very serious person who can drive herself crazy with things. I used to be the same ways at times. I wish I could move her forward in time to her kinder, gentler self as I became. She's only that way with herself, by the way. She's wonderfully patient with others. She's a complex, beautiful person who does know how to play & rest & have balance & fun. She has so many interests, is so talented & knowledgeable about so many things. It's just that I want more peace for her. She's too hard on herself much of the time, expects too much of herself as much now as when she was a child learning to walk.

Most of us have trouble with patience. That's especially true of those who are driven to advance in life, whether it's in business or spiritual or emotional arenas. We know we need more patience & we want it NOW. My BFF & I have what was a rather private joke until now. We say "Now" in our best imitation of an insistent "meow." They sound so much alike & we both live with multiple cats. It really diffuses the situation when one of us tells the other we're doing it again, wanting it all "now." I never thought I'd learn to be a patient person & I have my moments of impatience but they're few & far between. We can all be taught. Unfortunately, I had to be taught the hard way. I finally learned patience through an 18 month custody battle! It was hard won but well appreciated. Because all of life is "hurry up & wait." I've learned over time to have faith & trust & just keep on doing my part. Because that's all we can ever do, & we have to be as kind to ourselves as we can about it, about the process. All of life is a process. Some think of it as a struggle but I truly see it as a process. I try to stay within the flow rather than trying to paddle upstream. I forgive myself & redirect myself when I start paddling upstream. And when necessary, I get out of the stream & walk where needed to get back to the flow. Learning to live in the flow rather than fight it is the quickest way to peace.