Yesterday I was given a huge message about asking for & accepting help. This time I got it. It's been coming often, from numerous sources. If you regularly read these blogs, you've read as I've tried to process this. I'm usually the giver & helper, healer. I've been trying to do it all on my own from a position of responsibility & power. Some of you have asked me how I am, what I need & I usually tell you I'm fine, etc. But I haven't been, by any means & I have truly been in need. I tried to take full responsibility for nearly 2 years now for fixing myself & the situations caused by my recent ex. Part of it was out of a sense of guilt, the feeling that I hadn't carried my own weight, handled my responsibilities.
It can be very confusing. I'm a healer, teacher, guide, & counselor. I teach how to make things work in your life, heal, manifest & change your life. All the while, my own life was on a downward spiral. No matter what I did right, the spiral kept going. I kept working at it all, & didn't ask for help. Part of it was lack of trust, something I learned as a child. I received terrible abuse at the hands of the one who I was entirely dependent on & that gave me trust issues. These have been brought up hugely recently. Part of it was an unwillingness to burden others with my needs. That goes into worthiness. Part of it was thinking that as a healer & "authority," I should be able to do it all for myself. What I needed to learn was that it's safe to ask for help & let others be the giver. It's ok to be a receiver. It doesn't all have to be reciprocal in direct proportion. And that I was innocent in my childhood & in that second marriage. I was being ruled by beings of darkness, those who chose the dark when presented with a being of light in their lives. They could have embraced me & changed their lives. Instead they chose to exploit me & tried to use me entirely for their own dark purposes. I have much to heal from in the physical, emotional, & mental planes. And I can't do it alone, or even just by working with the angels & God. They are all powerful but my lesson turns out to be about being a receiver, not just a giver. About balance. That you can't just be a giver because that's the wrong kind of power. I've never purposely tried to have power or authority over any of you, although that's a huge mistake I made with my kids when they were young. I got past that when I uncapped & dealt with the rage within me years ago. Yet it's a form of misplaced power & control when you try to do it all yourself & only be a giver, try never to be a receiver.
So I've been brought almost as low as possible. Fortunately, I'm finally getting the message. I know some of you out there who are making the same mistake I've been making, so I want you to listen. We aren't meant to do it all for ourselves. We must humble ourselves & submit. We must ask for help when we need it, before things become dire. We must give others the opportunity to give to us. They need that. When they love & care for us, they need to give to us just as much as we need to give to them, if not more so. It's not weakness to share your needs with others, or your struggles. Think about the joy you feel, the way your spirit soars when you truly help someone else. Don't deprive others of that opportunity by keeping your needs to yourself.
One of my hesitations has come from not wanting to put any negatives out there. You can say it in such a way that you don't do that. Another has been that I believe that God & the angels should be sufficient for all our needs. But sometimes they use others on earth to do it - again, the give them the opportunity to be givers, healers, teachers, guides, etc.
So here's what I need - prayers, healing work, Reiki, manifestation work, provisioning. At this point I need further physical & emotional healing, first & foremost. I am down to my last couple hundred dollars & I have past due bills that amount to more than what I have. I also have no car anymore. I don't have a working washer or dryer either, & getting to the laundromat is hard & expensive. I am looking for work & sources of income. I am an accomplished writer, editor, proof reader, office manager, organizational specialist, customer service rep, some sales success, administrative assistant. I have tons of office skills & am a very fast typist. I'm good at social media & word processing but am not an IT person, banker, etc. Those are some of my job skills. I was once Director of Education for a national non-profit education association & have trade show experience. I booked the meeting rooms & hotel needs, airlines, hired the speakers & introduced them & did all on site work, did all compliance work for continuing education seminars. I wrote the speaker profiles, brochures, & course descriptions, handled business meetings, wrote the minutes, etc. I supervised employees & did some of the hiring & firing. If you hear of a job possibility in the Pittsburgh area using my skills, please let me know. I live next door to a bus stop on the Lincoln Loop but sometimes need transportation to events & job interviews. Work from home opportunities & things along one of the bus stops are especially beneficial these days. As a writer, editor, & proof reader, if you have tapes that need transcribing or a book or something else you need written, I'm available. Some of you have a book in you & you need to tell it to someone who can write it. I'm available & able, willing, eager.
Personally, I do Reiki for people & animals. I'm an animal behaviorist, communicator, & medium. I am an empath, psychic, medium, reader, teacher, & guide. I am an accomplished knitter & crocheter, & working on improving my hand spinning skills. I work with the therapeutic properties of essential oils & formulate for individuals as well as common health problems. I'm willing to teach any & all of this. I work on a love offering basis for private things & a small donation basis (compared to what's received) for all else I do. I am a gardener, artist, & work with herbs, flowers, & plants. I am an Elemental Home & Hearth practitioner, & need to teach others. You don't have to be in the Pittsburgh area to tap into what I do or am offering, including Reiki. I do Distance Reiki, & there's Skype, phone, & internet. I'm available through all. I also love having visitors - all you have to do is contact me. I haven't been able to get out to events like the Reiki Exchanges I so love, or Dubravka Bencic's exquisite piano performances, & I truly miss the social life in Pittsburgh.
I care for a family of 6 cats who have been abandoned, displaced, &/or abused. They need Tidy Cats Multiple Cat Instant or Continuous Action kitty litter on a regular basis. They need 9 Lives Plus Care dry cat food regularly. They need the pate style (ground) Friskies or Fancy Feast canned cat food. They like the fishy or strong flavored (like seafood, beef, liver) canned food. They won't eat the chicken or turkey varieties. I'm being very specific because some of the 6 have health concerns, & I've had to learn what touches off their problems vs. what works for them. I've applied for food stamps for my own food needs but it only covers food & I haven't received it for April yet. I'm doing ok on food for now & if I get the food stamps like I did last month, I'll be fine for food. For those who want to learn from me & don't have money they can spend for a love offering, I'll be happy to discuss what I need that you may be able to supply.
Yesterday I went to my friend & neighbor, Sandy Davis, for psychic surgery for my greatest health concern. She is a great healer who works from her home. Every Monday through Thursday she holds healing sessions from 3:00 - 7:00 p.m., at 1841 Lincoln Rd., Pittsburgh. You can find her as Sandra Bear Davis on Facebook or on the Angel Love Light meetups.com. If you have trouble finding her, please contact me. Most of you are connected to me on Facebook & through private message I can help you get in contact with her, or give you my further contact information for any of the above. Sandy delivered the message from the first paragraph as well as performed psychic surgery. Today I can't stop thanking God & the angels & her, laughing, crying (gratitude & joy overflowing), singing, & almost dancing. (I've been so full of all this that I've had trouble getting down to writing this blog.) The healing has begun & I ask you all to help it continue with your Reiki, other forms of energy work, & prayers. Overnight I saw a huge improvement in the condition, but I know the process is just beginning & needs me & others to support it. I can't begin to tell you how serious a problem this was because I won't utter it. It could have removed me from your presence without the intervention. I let fear & shame overcome my judgment & didn't seek help. I let the affect of the sexual abuses from my past keep me from going to a doctor. I tried to work with healing on my own to avoid going. Please don't ever do what I did before yesterday! (By the way, I'd finally gone to a doctor before yesterday, am awaiting test results & treatment options from the medical world. Meanwhile, I got the messages to seek help from Sandy.) The psychic surgery was incredible & so are the results. She drew out the darkness within my body & the causes. She drew out the fear-based energy that had manifested into the physical, a mass. Please understand when I say this that I no longer live in fear based energy. This was a physical manifestation in the present from the fear-based energy I lived with due to my ex, & what lingered through much of 2011. (What I lived 2000 - June 2011 was so bad that I had a mild case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which I was able to heal from late in 2011. My ex was removed from my life November 1, 2010 when I put him in jail but I was left with sole care of the vessel that birthed me until the beginning of June, 2011.) Sandy released me from the dark energy & drew it from my body. She released me from the cause, literally erasing the times in my life, the experience of my abusers, & their hold on me & in my life. She put in protections & good energy in the place of the darkness. I felt her drawing out the darkness, felt it leaving my body almost as pain. It was like you experience when you're awake during surgery but numbed. When I had my second C-section, I felt the pulling as the doctor lifted my son from my body. It was something like that. Once that part was over, the felt the Light entering my body from the top of my head downward, & I began to feel light & free, like I could fly off with my beloved lightning bugs. The psychic healing is complete & the physical has begun. Because this was major surgery, I'm asking for support as the physical manifestation healing continues. I await the official medical diagnosis & treatment options & will work with the doctors also. I will use all available aid. There's no way to repay Sandy or thank her enough for what she did for me. She too works on a love offering basis, & is available during the above mentioned times on a drop-in, first come first served basis. She can help with any type of healing that you need - physical, spiritual, emotional.
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