Yesterday I laid out what my previous life was like - absolutely not enough love, barely enough to survive. Now my life is full beyond my wildest dreams. I don't have absolutely everything I need, but I have abundant friends & their love. I have a huge capacity for love, more so than the average person. Usually in my life I was the deepest person I knew, with a much greater capacity for love than those around me. I felt things more deeply too. I absolutely didn't fit in, was much more sensitive than others. I went through 2 periods in my life where I had abundant love & those who delighted in me, but had to move away from that & them. I lived in San Antonio in my middle school years & flourished. I flourished while in Tupperware the first time. I had the love of my fellow Tupperware managers & the love of my hostesses who became friends. I had the love of those in my church & community while I was raising my kids alone. Then I moved 2 hours away, to where I knew no one. I moved in with a man who became my second husband & was a Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde, as I've said before. We had a small circle of friends, very little social life.
I am a very passionate, loving, physical person. My mother's family, whom I visited twice a year, was very physically affectionate. By example, one of my fondest memories is of my cousins & me lying on the floor of my grandparents' home in Dayton, Ohio the final Christmas there. I was probably about 14, as was my oldest cousin. I was lying on my stomach & she came over & started scratching my back. She didn't say anything first. I remember vividly, we were talking about her trombone playing in school & she just came over & started scratching my back while we all talked & lounged. It was a family way of showing love & affection. There wasn't loving touch in the house with my mother, but her family was that way & so was I. Our Grandpa always had a ready lap, & I am a lifelong lap lover. I love hugs & sweet kisses - just casual physical affection. It's a great need for me. I didn't get it in my first marriage, as he'd been raised in a different kind of family. During those years, when first raising my children, I dried up. How I wish I could have changed my husband to be more like me instead, as he'd wished when we married. It's one of the reasons he married me. Instead, my kids grew up without that in their environment. I was less of me, not the kind of mother I was in my heart. And with my second husband, it was all & only about sex. There was no lovemaking every, & touch was risky. It was usually groping rather than loving. Again, I dried up.
Now all I lack is passionate touch. But I get physical affection regularly. I have loving friends in abundance who hug me, kiss my cheek, touch me. I get kisses multiple times a day from one of my cats. Real kisses, not licks. I actually have a kissy cat in my life. She also has me pick her up & hold her multiple times a day. She hugs me, nuzzles me, snuggles me close at night. I'm surrounded by kitty love. Often I have one pressed into me when I put my feet up, & when I sleep. They follow me around the house & rub against my ankles. One licks my leg regularly. It's not the same as affection from a person but it sure is fulfilling!
I have more friends now than I've ever had in my life, more than I ever dreamed of. And these friends are all the kind that I most need. They too have this great capacity for loving & caring, giving of their love, themselves. They are all over the country but mostly centered around me in the Pittsburgh area, where I can see & visit with them in person. For the last 12 years until November, I lived in relative isolation on farms. Seldom did anyone come to visit. The only time I saw other people was when I went out to make that happen. My lifelines were the internet & my phone. Now I regularly see people. I am in the midst of friends, & making new friends all the time. They come here or I go next door & meet people at healing circles. I have found a whole enclave of like-minded souls here, & the law of attraction keeps bringing more to me. These people are an outlet for my love & affection, & give me the same. They care deeply about me & I them. They also put their love for me into action. It takes a village & they are part of my village. I treasure each of them & am abundantly grateful for their love, giving, & caring.
The law of attraction is amazing. It worked in the mid 80s when it brought me friends & love with the vehicles being Tupperware & the church. It worked in the 90s through my job. And now it's worked to bring me to this place. I live right next door to another healer who knows & attracts many. It brought me to my mentor 2 years ago, who told me about Reiki & the community in Pittsburgh. That opened all the doors to me, to my true soul family & like-hearted individuals. I can't begin to express all the gratitude I feel for this abundance in my life. Tomorrow, family vs. the family of your heart.
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