Practical Ways to Stop Obsessing & Controlling - repost from early August - part 1 of 2 today

I started on this subject the other day because it's something that comes up for most of us a lot. I'm trying to sell a bunch of used furniture & things, & wish to buy a used desk. I have a great need to clean out my home & life, make my space my own that works for me. I'm encountering people who don't reply or follow through, & it's messing with my need. It's all being done over the internet, & people tend to be very casual in that medium. So I keep finding myself really wanting to take control, & it keeps occupying my thoughts & energy.

I know I'm not the only person who has a tendency to try to micromanage, & who obsesses when I can't. I can't tell you how many nights I've stayed awake fretting over things not going my way, trying to figure out how to control situations that involve others. I tend to be too easy-going during the day, not wanting to be aggressive so not being properly assertive. The result is that often others get away with all they can, & I would be left holding the bag, dissatisfied. I don't like to push people, be pushy, etc. It's all the same language, the same thing, but we think of it in different ways, terms. I'm not sure why I do this. I know I have trouble setting boundaries by nature. Part of it comes from the kind of person I am. I always rejoiced in "The meek shall inherit the earth" because I often came off as very meek. Another reason I've had trouble setting boundaries is a childhood full of abuse that I perpetuated into adulthood, where I was taught that I had no right to boundaries. Many of us conduct our lives as if we have no real rights. We blindly bow to authority figures like lawyers we're paying. We don't hold them accountable, don't pin them down, let them get away with some outrageous behaviors & attitudes. We let them talk down to us, make promises they don't follow through with, then have to live with the consequences. We do that with doctors, nurses, teachers - any authority figure. Unless you have a history with a certain authority profession, you tend to do that. Most people do, a few actually know how to be properly assertive with authority figures. But most of us simply don't. We're taught to be polite to them from early childhood. Parents & even spouses or significant others can then fall into the authority figure category in our mind & if we don't learn to be properly assertive we end up with a lot of discomfort in our lives. When you find yourself obsessing & feeling the need to control others, it's sometimes directed at those people or situations we need to be assertive with in our daily lives. But often it's redirected, & actually points to authority figures we need to learn to be assertive with. So when you find yourself obsessing, feeling the need to control others, it's a sign that you need to do some self work. Because all we can control is ourselves. It's time to think things through & determine whether the person or situation is causing this need in you, or whether it's redirected & to what or whom it actually needs to be directed.