Rather than being restrictive, having a God-centered life has virtually set me free. It's unheard of not to have stress, shame, guilt, anxiety, & worry but I have very little of it left in my life, & it's glorious living this way! My outward circumstances haven't changed financially but I no longer worry. I've had ample opportunity to see how God works & I've developed trust.
I see evidence of His Goodness & provision all around me. He has a great sense of humor & is very creative in how He provides, so most people miss what He's doing. But that sense of rightness you get, when everything falls into place - that's God at work. When I moved here I found wild chamomile growing in the gravel driveway. How unique, but fitting, since it's something I grow every year. I left behind the peonies I planted, & there are 3 peony bushes here. I left behind a family of groundhogs that I dearly loved, but after the first year, they started appearing all around me here, including babies.
This year I found a use for the wild chamomile. I didn't harvest it before because I wouldn't ingest it - it grows where I drive & I'm not familiar with this type. But I want to finally replace the old buckwheat face pillows I'd bought in the past with one of my superior flax seed pillows & I want to fill it with chamomile & lavender, so I'm harvesting the driveway. I laugh every time I do it, & don't worry - I'll never use something harvested that way for you. But this preserves my stock of edible dried chamomile for herbal teas, which I love.
In March I was going on job interviews & realized I'd need to buy clothes if I got a job because I had very few decent things to wear. In May I started losing so much weight that I got a whole new wardrobe of old favorites - clothes I haven't fit into in a few years or longer. Most of them are much better than the newer clothes, suit me better, so I'm especially thrilled. He didn't provide me with money to spare for new clothes or chamomile plants - He provided for me to use what I already had. In much the same way, so many things in the world are new to me, have taken on new value or meaning.
He's also provided a wonderful summer for me thus far, & in my mind it's about half over now - June 1 through August 31 in my mind. I normally have a lot of trouble surviving the heat. I've suffered terribly since I was in my mid 20s, & when living without air conditioning, can barely sleep at night or function during the day. We moved here in April 2009, so this is my 3rd summer here without air conditioning. I don't even have window units because I don't have windows - I have sliding glass doors instead. This year has been especially cool where I am, plus I'm not minding even the hot days. Part of that is the weight I've lost but I wasn't this tolerant in the past at this weight. I don't know how He's done it, only that having Him at the center of my life & healing me in various ways is all that's truly different.
I also no longer worry about my health or safety. I know that God has work for me to do & that it requires me to be alive & healthy - that's my surety. Please understand that I don't test Him though, don't do a bunch of foolish things. I have a responsibility to take care of what God gave me & the biggest resource I have is myself. It's entirely up to me to honor the gift & take care of it/me. And that's just it - I now consider life to be a great gift, as is health & safety. (More to come.)
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