New Relationship with My Self, & New Family

Having a God-centered life has brought me a whole new family. I now know that many grew up feeling like they were on the outside looking in, like they didn't really belong with any of the people around them, like they were very different. I always felt things more deeply than others did, hurt more for others & for animals, cried more easily, was more sensitive to criticism & malicious teasing (& really attracted it), etc. Now I know around 20 people who are like me! They have the same values, world view, outlook on life, spiritualism, & experiences.

I didn't fit with the musicians in high school or any of the other kids, although I had a certain respect as the top musician. I didn't fit with artists because I wasn't on their ego trips. I did fit with fiber people & fiber artists, because they are connected to the earth & the animals & natural dyeing, materials, etc. But with the Reiki community I finally found exactly my own kind! It's so fun chatting with them because I don't have to explain anything I say - they "get it" immediately, appreciate my stories, then share their own. And I'm learning all the time because most of them have been in tune longer than I have. For once I entirely fit in & am perfectly accepted, loved, valued, treasured, cherished. I've become a valued & vital member of the community. All my gifts are respected & accepted as such without me having to prove them.

This is such a big deal to me because I've always been so very different & have worked to hide that but really couldn't. I had a limited number of friends in school, & even more limited number afterwards, where the "pickin's" are more slim. Imagine telling most high school classmates that you had a vision about your future & your soul mate. Or telling your grade school classmates that you "knew" your favorite teacher had died before you were told. Or telling your friends at work that you woke a guy up from sleep several states away by standing in your yard talking with him, & he heard your exact words & called the next day to check on you! Now, I'm fortunate that my grown kids & my sister accept that I can "talk" with cats & "hear" what they have to say, have a level of belief in the things I'm able to do. But it's not the same as talking with people who can do the same things. We all have that need to be around people like us, who speak our "language." And I finally really have mine.

I've also come into a totally new relationship with my self. I love myself fairly fully now, have truly forgiven myself most of my mistakes in life & been able to move on. I understand why I've made those mistakes now & that has led to healing & self-forgiveness. I've taken responsibility for why I've allowed others to hurt & use & damage me, & have largely healed from it all. I've also come to see why from their point of view, which has led to truly forgiving others. I see myself & my gifts in a new light, with fresh understanding. I really love myself now, more than ever before. And I'm so very grateful for so much now, including things I didn't like about myself, others, & the world & the way it works, before now. I know I'm not entirely "there" yet, have more healing to do, but I see where I was vs. where I am now & that's where the gratitude comes from.

I start every day, no matter what, by getting into the gratitude as quickly as possible. Some days I'm slow to awaken fully, or I'm very achy, but I open my heart & start with the first gratitude & appreciation that comes to mind & go from there & spend some time with that. It's a little harder at night sometimes, but I try to work on it then too, to end with gratitude. I used to have trouble going to sleep at night because my mind would play out all the things I wasn't facing during the day & it was horrible. Fears, doubts, worries, guilt - everything Miss Mary Sunshine was stuffing would come bubbling up. So ending the day with gratitude has gone a long way toward stopping that. I also don't stuff things. I don't feel guilt, fears, doubts or worries much because when I do I turn the Light of God on them & look at them in that Light. (That's another example of a new way with an old term & concept.) Shining that Light on them leads to healing then or in the near future (sometimes you have to shine that Light more than once on the deepest darkness.) The healings & realizations of blessings (gratitude), & finding like-beings, has transformed my perceptions of my self & my life, & it's amazingly wonderful!