Whole bunches of people admire me for my attitude & the way I've handled what happened last Fall. I'm proud of me too! Instead of letting what happened defeat me, I took on all the work & responsibility & I've worked very hard. I also developed a very positive attitude & outlook. If you haven't read back far enough, I took on the care of my very abusive mother after my now ex stole her life savings. I also put him in jail for it. I had/have no job, no savings, only past due bills & responsibility, an overwhelming mess to get through.
Reading my blog you might think I consider myself to be just about perfect. That is so far from the truth! I get overwhelmed, down, have periods of low energy, exhausted, just like you do. I have times of self-doubt. I used to have bouts of self-pity, anger, resentment. "I'm only human" is too often used as an excuse, but it's true that we ARE only human.
One of the differences between me & many others is that I make a conscious choice over & over to be happy. On hard days it has to be a moment by moment choice rather than a daily one. I have made the choice to be grateful & the choice to be happy. These are 2 different things but work together. The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor. The choice to be happy is that I choose to dwell on the things that make me happiest instead of all the rest.
The choice to be happy is rather simple. I put things in my life & hold things in my life that have the power to bring me joy. I've learned to take pleasure in many of the little things in life & to acknowledge the simple but profound gifts. I've learned the art of taking care of myself a lot with a little. If you need the big things & wait for them, your life is going to be one of unending disappointment. One thing I do is stop to smell the roses - literally. My poor little bush will probably only produce a single, small rose this year but it's such a sweet one! It was ready today & is in my favorite vase with the special pink & white baby's breath I've managed to keep alive year after year. Every time I pass through the kitchen, I stop & smell it, admire my bouquet. Another thing I do is appreciate the wonder around me, pay attention, acknowledge it. I stop & savor the honeysuckle in the air, the scent of someone grilling, the smell when someone's cutting grass. Every evening I take time to enjoy the light show around me - dozens & dozens of lightning bugs! Lately I've had lightning bugs land on me, a female hummingbird flying around me, butterflies flying near me. I know these are uncommon occurrences & so I pay attention, look them up in Ted Andrew's book, "Animal Totems." You don't have to be spiritual to have at least a little belief when something rare occurs like that, & keeps happening. I'm rewarded each time with messages of victory coming from the ashes, of overcoming & the ability to make good things happen. I take all that very personally, as a promise. That's part of taking care of myself & holding good things close. Every time I get an email from someone telling me he or she is proud of me, or some other special message of affirmation, I save it in an email file called "positive affirmations." Before email was invented & to this day, I journal such things. I use them when I need them. When I've been bombarded by someone who wanted to annihilate me, these have been my weapons to defeat his/her purpose from within. I haven't allowed anyone to keep me down forever despite major bombardments through long periods of life, from 3 of the 4 major authority figures in my life. I used every little act of love from others, held them in my heart, used them to affirm what I knew somewhere inside about whether I was lovable & worth living. Despite the onslaughts, I was able to flourish some outside the situation, more so after escaping. Each time they came, I was stronger, had a better sense of self. In the meantime, I'd also attracted many more people who affirmed me. You attract what you put out there. I was putting love out there except when it came to authority figures, so I was getting love. I was putting out real, true love, & that's what I was getting from others.
Which brings me to gratitude & attitude. I was just outside looking with pleasure at the blossom on my tomato plant. It's the promise of a tomato in the future! I'm not focusing on the fact that the plants aren't producing a bunch of blossoms. I'm focusing on that one blossom, as well as the 3 tomatoes already growing on the 2 plants. I'm noticing the progress of my basil, which I'll have with the tomatoes. I'm grateful for & focused on the little blessings. I also think about where I might have the opportunity to buy really good tomatoes this summer to supplement what I grow, & how I might help my plants do better. So I'll repeat what I said earlier. The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor.
I've learned about growing tomatoes from each failed attempt. This is the first time my plants have gotten this far! I learn all the time about things I have an interest in, & I keep trying with the things I deem to have worth. I don't try them all every year. Many years I just grew cherry tomatoes because they're easy & I've always been successful. But I'm back to big ones this year, armed with more knowledge & better plants. And trying again gives me the opportunity to learn more, plus to come closer to success. I've mostly learned from admiring the tomatoes grown by others. People love praise & are quick to share their success tips with you! That's a quick example of a little kindness bringing reward!
Attitude is everything! Truly! If you're always waiting for the next blow to come, that's what you're focused on & what you're going to get. I hear it all the time in blogs & on Facebook: "What now." "Not again!" "I made it through today. Wonder what tomorrow's going to hit me with!"
First, I believe in my ability to handle whatever happens, one way or another. I can handle it myself or I can get help. I believe that because I've chosen to notice that I've proven it over & over. I've chosen to therefore believe it. That doesn't mean I enjoy any of it - plunging a nasty clogged toilet on Saturday, then having to bring my most stubborn cat in after my mother didn't listen & let him out, then having the kitten I'm trying to acclimate take 3 steps back. In fact, those situations drained my energy for the evening, coming one after another. But I made the choice to regroup. I spent an hour doing something I promised to do to give to another, less fortunate person. Then I took the rest of the night off & watched movies on TV. I honored my commitment to myself to take some time off on Saturdays, even though I'm so behind on things & it's bothering me. Choices!!!!!!! I can't say it enough. It's all about CHOICE. It's a series of choices & you have to make the healthiest ones you can for your self, your life, your soul. Often healthy choices are relative, by the way. Part of my movie night was candy & popcorn because I haven't entirely moved away from thinking of that as a great treat & way to relax. It's a process. I very seldom do it any more, when I used to do it every Friday & Saturday. I suffered for it, too. I'm working on adjusting my insulin so I don't run out before more money comes in (another choice) & I started a yo-yo of highs & lows that continued into Sunday. I'm learning from that too. I choose to learn from lesser choices & the consequences, rather than think of them as life hitting me again.
When "life" "hits" me with things, it's an opportunity. I take whatever steps I can to protect myself from it happening again. I put a box in front of the door my mother left open when she let the cat out, as a reminder. I've learned telling her does no good. Instead of anticipating what bad is going to happen next, I try to anticipate what might arise again so I can prevent it. And when I can't I learn from it, accept it, handle it, move on. I don't dwell on it except long enough to learn from it, see how I can fix it, prevent future events like it. Because that's how I approach things, it doesn't take long to do that. I'm certainly not anticipating the next blow, I'm working to prevent another one along the same lines. I don't then expect something different to happen to hurt or inconvenience me, I'm too focused on making this one right & moving on. Then I move onto the stuff that I wanted to do in the first place, & focus on that. I pretty much stay in the here & now that way. If you're in the moment, just living what's happening, you aren't anticipating the next blow. You're enjoying what you're doing now, or finding better ways to get through it at least. Then you have the satisfaction of having gotten it done & you know what you're capable of in the future when needed.
Our lives are the sum of the choices we make. If it takes 30 minutes to get to work in the summer but traffic is worse during the school year, you can adapt or get into trouble at work after awhile. We learn all the time if we pay attention, & that's a choice as well as what we do with the information. And all we can control is our own choices. I've learned that if I keep a live catnip plant in the house, it's gone in a day or two, never grows back. I've also learned that the ones from the pet store don't do well. This year I bought 3 quality plants (Bonnie, a common herb distributor) & keep them outside. I've learned to bring them in for a few hours, then take them back out before bedtime. The cats don't know not to eat them to the roots, & love to chomp in the night. This way the plants regenerate before I bring them back in, & the cats get a treat each time they do. Simple choice from what I've learned, that makes us all very happy. My intention was to provide them the pleasure as much as possible so I paid attention, learned the lesson, & follow through with my choices.
The choice to be grateful means that I learn from the things that happen in my life, accept them as opportunities, & work to have the outcome in my favor. Yes, I've said it a third time. I have a true attitude of gratitude when I have a chance to learn & make choices. When I was an abused kid, I didn't have the opportunity to make choices to change my life. All I could do was deal with it, find ways to cope & survive. Many don't have the ability to change what's happening! So those of us who do need to make those choices & be grateful that we can!!! That can't be achieved with a "what next" attitude of negativity. That's self limiting & such a terrible shame! You're abusing yourself with that attitude! And you'll get exactly what your heart & mind are focused on! Instead, look at everything that happens as an opportunity to learn, grow, make your life better & better the lives of others.
I just had to spend $500 to fix the air conditioner on my car. I'm not looking for the next thing to go wrong with it. I'm realizing that it's a 16 year old car & that I've seldom had to do any repairs. I'm realizing that it's the cost of one car payment only, & that I bought myself X amount more time without car payments by having the work done. I appreciate my car & give thanks all the time, have even given it a loving nickname in appreciation for the service its given me. I truly enjoy driving my car so I drive with care & take care of it. I expect it to start, deliver me, & I enjoy the knowledge I have of the car & handling. And that's what I get from it. I didn't have the money to spend on it & now I'm working on eeking out my insulin until the end of the month because it's $200. But I'm not focused on what I don't have or the negative - I'm focused on how I can work things out to pay the bills & provide what we need for the rest of the month. I'm making choices & taking positive action. You can't do that if you're mired in the negative. I've chosen to be grateful for the car & having a working air conditioner again, which freed my mind to work out the insulin situation. I have room to work with it because I take 2 different insulins & have plenty of one type, just not the other. Who knows what I might learn from this?
That's the thing - there's potential for positive to come out of negatives, if we have an attitude of gratitude & are open to receiving. John Walsh lost his son & for 23 or 28 some years hosted "America's Most Wanted," which led to the capture of so many criminals of the worst sort. His son's death remains a terrible tragedy but he used his experience for a such a positive outcome for so many. We actually tend to learn & grow more from the negatives in our lives than from the positives, so all the negatives are opportunities if we're open. Bemoaning them just gives them more power, is an invitation to be further hurt. Taking control of them to learn from them & transform them when possible gives YOU the power over your life. It puts you in control of the only thing we can control - our actions & reactions. And yes, we CAN control our reactions! My initial reaction to the backed up toilet was "ick, why now, not me." But I quickly changed that to, "OK, I've got a plunger & I know how to use it." I got the job done, then rewarded myself for a nasty job accomplished quickly & now over. I didn't learn anything new from that one, just reinforcement of the message that I'm capable, my ex was wrong about me, & I certainly don't need him around the house. More of the message that I can handle life & the things that occur. I changed my initial reaction, went into action, & registered the message/lesson. I therefore grew just a little bit from the backed up toilet. And so I'm grateful. Not wildly, but still, grateful. I'm not sure I needed that lesson again, but maybe I did. I'm looking forward to the next day of lessons too. Usually they're delivered in a more pleasant way these days because I AM open, grateful, making the most of them. Because I'm listening & paying attention, they're more often butterflies & hummingbirds than less pleasant ones. My attitude of gratitude is bringing me what I'm putting out there!
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