Worthiness

My message, blessing, & healing today was the final knowledge that I'm of worth just because I am. Deep inside me all my life was the feeling that my only worth was equal to my service to others. The world is really good at reinforcing this! We get messages all the time through many sources. We're told to give to others, do for others. We're told to work for what we want, then reward ourselves. When we do those things, wonderful things happen to us, which further reinforces the messages. When I was younger I was a giver out of fear of the Old Testament God. Eventually I simply became a giver from the heart. If you read the blog about heart vs. head you'll get the context. Still, deep inside I had that persistent belief.

I tried to give this healing a paragraph in the heart/head blog & twice it disappeared. I didn't know why. Those who know me & the computer will understand that it got to the point that I couldn't keep trying, reading through the blog, etc. I believe it's complete & in good form as is now. I kept at the message because although it was difficult to articulate, I knew it was important (the whole heart/head thing). I understood there was a reason I wasn't to share the full healing there & now I know why. Worthiness is such an important subject in itself, deserving it's own, stand-alone full blog.

"Ask & it shall be given unto you." I started asking on Tuesday, twice, & once so far today. Thanks to Pam, I'm asking for the abundance, balance, & healing (emotional & physical) I need. I'm also asking for a continuing home for the cats & me together, a livelihood from my talents, & the financial freedom to do the work I'm being called to do & the things on my heart. You have to ask for all you want, but you can't be too specific. Don't box God in with specifics because what He has for you is far greater than you can imagine.

God sets the stage for all of us in advance & it's all waiting for us to just ask with intent. So I was led to sign up for Mary A. Hall's 22 days of abundance healing program. It includes 10 live conference calls & today was one. At first my head was blocking the Love pouring down on us, saying all sorts of silly things including how this would look to others not following a spiritual path! I started praying earnestly for my heart to open to receive & was given a beautiful vision. Plus, Mary started uttering all the very words I needed to hear! She talked about wellbeing, which is purposefully part of my company name. She also said that those of us who feel we have to earn blessings & love are blocking it! She said we'll never get it that way, it will always be limited. She said we ARE the Love & the Love is us & in us. She said it's there for each of us just because we are. And she called for the healing to continue through the day.

Right after that I processed the message that I'd been in my head instead of my heart, recorded the vision & what Mary had said, then wrote my blog. While writing my blog, I stopped to think about how deep rooted & long standing my belief about myself was, the one about my worth. I finally realized that it started with my mother when I was very little. Most people don't have the dramatic dysfunction that I lived, but many givers also feel it's their only worth. You need to find out why so you can cast it off. "The truth shall set you free." It's so true! Now I know where it came from, I realize how invalid it is. However, in me the message was so deep-rooted that even though I knew how I'd been treated as I child, I didn't link that unworthy feeling to the treatment. So you may have it in your head but find it's so deep rooted as a false truth that it persists. That's why I'm telling you this.

What I finally know now is this. I am of great worth because I am me. God created me to be highly intelligent & functional, creative, talented, funny, caring, loving, a great teacher, etc. He created me with a skill set for a purpose. He does that with each of us. Those happen to be some of mine. To those whom He gives much, He asks much, but He equips each of us. If I were to be a builder, He would have perhaps given me carpentry or electrician skills. He creates us & equips us for the jobs He has for us, then gives us free will. I have chosen to give my self & my gifts in service to others. That doesn't change with this healing, but now more than ever, it will be my choice rather than an obligation felt somewhere within. It will be entirely from Joy & Love, rather than any residual fear. My worth is not that I give but that I am. I've chosen to give. So too, you each have worth!

Now I'll share the beautiful vision. At first Mary was sharing with us an enveloping blanket of Love, which I couldn't feel. That's when I prayed. She then talked of us falling into it. A moment later I saw the biggest, deepest pile of beautiful, long, white feathers that was going to cradle & envelop me when I fell into it. Then I knew they were the feathers of the angels. God told them to shed feathers for me, & every feather was an angel's tear. All the angels in the universe were shedding some feathers, their tears for the pain I've carried. And then I finally felt how loved I truly am.