Part 2 - Watch Me, Here I Go - My Biggest Leap of Faith Ever - No Stopping Me Now!

To finish the background story, there's my mother. The relationship has healed as much as possible at this point. I have changed, she hasn't. All we can do is change ourselves. She cooperates briefly, then quits. Her goal is the same as it's been all my life - to keep me chained to her. You have to understand if you don't know all the background - she's been mentally ill my whole life. She's just never been formally diagnosed. She was partially functional until I got engaged to my first husband in 1980. She then took a disability retirement & gradually gave up functioning. She gradually quit associating with others, bathing, cleaning her house, doing laundry. She makes herself ill to gain attention, & I'm the only attention she wants. She's been doing the illness cycle since I was a teen in the early 1970s. I've had many years of coping with this, many years to try & understand her. After I married in 1980, she tried to get us to move in with her. Later she resorted to telling me that it was inevitable that I do that because I'd have to take care of her.

Last night I realized that it's time, past time actually. I've done all I can for her, for us, for the relationship. She's sliding downhill rapidly in her conscious & unconscious attempts to continue to hold on to me & perpetuate the dysfunction. At this point it's past the stage of being healing for either of us to have her here, & is entirely holding me back. I haven't been able to get a job or stage the sale, & her current level of dysfunction is so demanding that I'm becoming non-functional. She's draining me, causing the progress I've made in all areas to diminish. Fortunately, she's stepped up to dramatic lengths, now functioning like a one-year-old. That allowed me to come to this decision.

ASAP I'm moving her into assisted living. Tonight I'll call my kind & caring neighbor to see when he's available with his pickup to help me move her bed & things. This afternoon I'll go measure her room there. Within a week it should be done.

Just like I had to give up on & let go of trying to resolve the situation with my ex, I have to let go of this. It's very hard for me to let go before entirely accomplishing a goal. But, I've done my best & you have to know when going on becomes counterproductive.

Now I'm stepping out without a visible net. Most of her monthly income will go toward her care & needs & mine will be a separate household. Many of my expenses will go down but not enough. God has again presented me with a door, & I'm stepping through, asking "what next." This one has taken way more courage & faith than becoming attuned to Reiki required :) But I've started asking God & the Universe for what I need, set my intent. When you do that truly, & your heart is in service, the answers come quickly. I've kept my intent right & pure, that's important too. And there is a net under me, the same one I relied on especially during all my single parenting years - my loving friends. And now I've gained some family as part of that net. And now I know that God & the Universe, my Angels & Guides, are part of that net, & how to call on them. And I'm ready & at least partially equipped to do my part. For me, this is the biggest door ever presented, the door into the unknown. I know the final outcome but the path is hidden so I have no idea how easy or rough it may be, what I'll encounter & need along the way. I've chosen to see it as an adventure. Who will I meet? What will I see? That's as far as I've gotten, because it hasn't started yet & I'm in the moment. The real excitement is yet to come!