Finally, a New Post

I'm sorry I haven't been posting. Ever since Superstorm Sandy came through, I've been coping with old, lower energies. At first I typed "fighting," but I don't fight things. I go with the flow and cope in the best ways possible. These days I have amazing coping mechanisms that are much healthier than the ones I grew up with as a victim. I pray, ask the angels for help, go to meditations, get healing treatments from friends in the community, and do Reiki on others. Giving is a good way of helping yourself, your heart and soul.

Many days were better, but most were not, over about a six week period. I'd go to an event or have a healing session here, but the energy didn't change, or only for a few days. Over time, the blog posts dwindled. I wasn't channeling them or inspired most of this month.

Sometimes I only see how far I've yet to go, not how much I've accomplished. It's very hard without a job. It's really taught me faith, and reliance on God. I surrender all to Him each day. I understand that He knows my true needs better than I do. My mission on earth is my #1 priority. I'm willing to go through whatever hardships I have to in order to spiritually get to where I need to be in order to be most effective. Still, it's difficult at times. I still have many issues in my relationship with myself, for one thing.

The physical world and realities have been getting to me more than they have in a year, and I've had trouble sleeping. I'm really not sure why I'm telling you all this, but I wonder if others are having trouble coping too. I thought this month would be a very high energy month and have been very disappointed each day. I try to stay in a state of gratitude and faith, but haven't been able to. That said, I have to again tell you that we're each responsible daily for our own state of mind and being. Each day, I do all I can to get into the right frame of mind and attitude. What's different for me is that normally I feel it, and over this time period I've felt little except concern for my loved ones. I've deeply felt the individual needs of each, with a huge open heart at times. I've felt that more intensely than the gratitude and faith I usually feel. And hope has been dormant. It's not that my belief and faith is any less, or my gratitude, only my ability to actually feel it lately. If you recall, I was living in a state of anticipation of the adventure each day became for me, and of gratitude. Those feelings were actively present almost every moment of every day, when I'd tune into myself. Now the attitude is usually there without the feelings that go with them.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, stopped to figure out what comes next. I realize that although I don't feel depressed, my very learned clinical social worker daughter would diagnose me with clinical depression. Lately even foods often don't have much flavor and I've lost interest in connecting with others this week, haven't been keeping up with emails and Facebook for several weeks. Not keeping up came with finishing my college class and being intensely busy for several weeks. I was very focused on school. My life is very out of balance right now, and I'm really feeling that. In thinking about how my daughter would read what's happening, I was given the message to take the Shaklee vitamin B complex supplement. I'm doing the best I can to keep up with self care, and give my body, mind, and spirit what it needs. I learned over the summer that I have to keep my water intake up, and have been. I've been taking a tablespoon of Bragg's raw apple cider vinegar in a glass of water three times a day most days for months now, trying to time it a half hour before or after meals.  

There's been lots of positive things happening during this time period, though. I've become very aware of how psychically "on" I am much of the time. For one thing, when people send me private messages on Facebook or text me, I know exactly what they mean when they say it. It's as good as when talking on the phone, when you can hear the inflections in the voice that tell you these things. One time I knew exactly what someone texted me, spelling and all, before I opened it. I usually know who's calling and why, when the phone rings. Or I'm thinking about someone being in need, and then he or she calls, or I text and discover the need. I know when there are events I'm supposed to attend. I also started channeling the book I'm supposed to write, a few days ago. That's been consuming, but awesome. At the urging of angels and other people, I've tried several times over the past year plus, to do this. Each time, it was work - painful, difficult, upsetting. I never got very far, always got stuck. I was never able to flesh it out enough. Now it's simply flowing, four days in a row, 44 pages so far. Today the flow hasn't started, perhaps because there are so many other things I need to be doing, catch up on. It's becoming a real book as it flows, and the process has been incredible. I'm also sure I can start that flow again when I'm ready, have taken care of some needs around here. I used to ask Archangel Gabriel to help, since that's her area and the angel card readings kept pointing to her, telling me to write it. However, I attended one of George Shader's Casa Healing Meditations last Thursday, which was amazing and powerful. Almost immediately, I was overwhelmed by a loving visit from Mother Mary. The more she was with me, the more intense the love, and she was joined by Jesus. I've read in the Bible that we can't stand in His presence, and now I personally understand why. The Love and magnificence of the pair was soon too intense, and I had to mentally say so.

Afterwards, George was the final person to suggest I needed to write a book, and also suggested I ask Mother Mary to help. The next day, the book started coming to me without asking, took me completely by surprise. Then I asked Mother Mary to be with me, and she has been. Perhaps Archangel Gabriel is with her, but I'm only aware of her. One day the flow started the minute I thought of verbally greeting her. As I've said before, I start my days by giving my self, day, and life to God, to do with as He will, to guide, lead, and direct. I'm used to my days then taking on a life and structure of their own so there's got to be a pretty significant event to surprise me. I also have to point out the significance of this connection with Mother Mary for you. As I've said before, my own mother was emotionally distant and abusive. I disconnected from all mother energy toward me many years ago, including a real desire for it. I have complete outward mother energy but blocked myself from receiving, I now realize. I totally denied all need for it. Mary came to me soon after George started the meditation, opened me from the inside out, to relationship. I've also been desiring that reconnection with Jesus, which has been blocked for some reason. So I see if nothing else, this post is giving me some needed insights. I knew I was to write it but not what.

I'll be honest, as I always am, and tell you I don't know when the next blog will come. I refuse to force them just to provide. I surrender that to God too each day, as I surrender all aspects of my life - all connected to me in any way, all I'm involved in. It became His blog long ago, and I appreciate and respect that. I feel an urgency with 12/21/12 coming in a few days, and will be praying about that, and for all of you. If I don't write again before Christmas, much Love and Joy to you all!