What Constitutes True Charity from the Heart

Today my former boss brought me a bag with a box of noodles, a box of pasta, a jar of pasta sauce, and two packets of microwave popcorn. She was very proud of herself for giving to me, thinks she's been so very virtuous and good to me over and over. Then she looked me in the eye and told me I was lying about the number of hours I worked for her in setting up her new businesses and refused to pay me the $20 she owed me. Instead, she paid me absolutely nothing for the work I did for her. I initially agreed to work for $10 per hour doing a variety of things for her, so she got help starting her businesses at a bargain price. I also didn't bill her for the time consulting over the phone or answering her text messages, as any other professional would. You tell me if she was truly practicing any kind of real charity.

In the past she tried to give me a bunch of t-shirts because she decided I don't have any clothes. In truth, I have plenty of clothes. What I don't have is access to laundry. If she'd ever asked me what I needed, I could have told her that. There's a long story here about why I no longer work for her, and I won't go into it. But this evening, after that exchange, I find myself very angry, and unsure what I want to do with the food she gave me. She again took away my dignity with her words while giving me something I actually didn't need. The box of noodles sounds very interesting - with ginger sauce, and I didn't have microwave popcorn, which I like. I'm just wondering if I'll gag on any of this if I try to eat it! I am very truly upset. Meanwhile, I did Distance Reiki for her for free, listened every night for about two weeks to her drama, and gave her three of my products for free. I gave as I could from my heart in the beginning, before she became fully abusive. You could call what I did charity, but not what she's done.

It all got me to thinking about the people who give to me in my life. There are so very many of them. I am so fortunate in that! I give love and so am surrounded by loving and kind people, for the most part. I don't have much to give in goods but have given my products to those in need, and done Reiki for free or next to nothing, in person and Distance. I don't turn away anyone in true need, and I don't judge. That is charity.

Charity is not about feeling good about yourself, as my former boss uses it. However, true charity does make you feel really good, in a "giving back" way. I know what it's like so I help whenever and however I can. I'm a giver through and through so I thrive on giving. It's a constant way of life for me. It hasn't always been that way. I'm sure that woman doesn't really feel good about herself, deep down. When I was that way, I wasn't such a giver either. In fact, I held onto things, including myself. Eventually, I began to know myself, then love myself, and that's when my true self, the giver, began to fully emerge. True charity comes from a heart of love for others.

Those who give to me regularly do it in such a variety of ways. Nick Lamia takes me places regularly. Sometimes he brings me treats. Once he brought the cats some toys! That's like giving me a toy! He calls regularly, to touch base, make sure I'm ok, see if I need to go someplace, just to connect with me. We talk about such a variety of things, and he comes and visits us regularly. I can always count on Nick to be in my life, and care. Caring and showing it is the biggest thing. He listens to me. He can't help when I need to borrow money but he cares enough to listen lovingly. He loves me and I love him and we tell each other that each time we talk. I treasure him, so much that I'm crying as I write this. He's one of the treasures in my life. I learn and grow from our conversations and visits and it's mutual, reciprocal. I mentioned him first because he called me this evening just to touch base, even though I saw him three times in the last 10 days or so. He was concerned because when he saw me on Tuesday, we had no heat and the repairman was coming. Although I believe he called me more to talk than because of that - just because he does. One of the things I treasure is that he has a great relationship with my cats, visits with them lovingly. He makes sure he says goodbye to each of them before he goes, asks about them over the phone. I call him "Uncle Nicky" to them. That's one of the things about my closest friends and those who practice the most charity to me - they ask me about the cats. That's one thing my former boss did get right.

Tonight Rebekah Gamble texted me to share her joy over something. That too is charity - she was sharing of herself, of her happiness. I am blessed with so many friends who do that. Added to that blessing, she can always "feel" me. She always knows when I'm really in need. I was concerned about something this evening and she "felt" it even though we were just texting. She texted that she sensed something "off" and asked if she could send me some energy. That's another huge piece of charity - noticing a need, asking if you can give or simply doing it. Like Nick, she's such a huge part of my life, always there for me. She gives me constant love and emotional support. She listens when I need to talk things out. She entirely gives of herself to me. I can't say enough about that or her.

Pamela Smith has been a constant support for nearly three years now. We "met" over a Facebook game and connected. I "felt" her and she "felt" me. We were both at a crossroads, about to end our marriages and came together over mutual need. We "fit," so grew so close to each other as we gave to and supported each other through some of the toughest times in our lives. I can't begin to tell you how much I owe her. She's the one who first identified my multiple gifts and talents when I was searching for what I needed to do with my life, told me I have so much going for me. (That's not to say I haven't had tons of support in that from family and friends over the years. This is a timing issue I'm talking about here. Pam was a new voice at the right time, right there front and center. She was doing this for me daily, whereas the others in my life were busy with their lives at the time.) She was "the wind beneath my wings" that led to the total transformation in my life, God's angel. And there's so much more. Again, I can't begin to say all she's done for me.

Jennifer Dillon is MY JENNY. I'm pleased to be MY JENNY to Rebekah Gamble. As I said earlier, a big part of it is the attitude of giving back. I know what MY JENNY means to me so I was thrilled the first time Rebekah called me that the other day, after I talked about mine. Since May of 1991, Jenny has been one of the closest people to me on the face of the earth. She knows me better than anyone, and almost longer. She loves me in spite of myself at times, and always because of myself. She knows me better than I know myself, and that's saying so much because I know myself way better than most people ever achieve. All she has to do to give to me, same as it was with my beloved grandparents, is to be alive.

My daughter gives to me on a regular basis, no matter what's going on in her life. She's still young so in those days of high stress, yet she always listens to me and cares. She always helps me if she can, offers a loving and supportive word. She gives of herself, gives me love and attention, kindness and gentleness. And I think I've now done the subject of true charity justice.

There are so many people and names I haven't mentioned here. If you read this, please don't be offended if I didn't single you out. I only mentioned those I've had contact with in the last few days, except for Chrissy, Jane, and Barbie. I love and cherish you all. You are all givers of the heart - you know who you are. I tell you regularly how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you! That too is a very important and huge part of giving, being a giver. Go out of your way to tell them, and often!