The final word of the day came from my biggest success story, my rescue cat, Karma. Today I did an angel card reading for myself (Doreen Virtue's Archangel Michael deck). It was again a fantastic reading, told me everything I needed, especially with the follow up messages. I love it when I go to pull cards for a reading and they fly out or jump out at me. The one entitled "Innocence" hit me right in the chest! As soon as I saw what it was I began to get the message. There was a prayer about forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and you had to insert your own words. What immediately came to me is my feelings of failure including that I gave away my beloved cats to go live with my second husband. It's part of a whole picture that was still bothering me and affecting present behavior and attitudes toward myself. It was getting in the way of showing myself compassion.
Karma quietly climbed fully onto my lap and began licking my arm, settled in fully. As I was petting her she was giving me all her love and trust, and I fully got her message. I'm not the same person I was when I gave away those cats. I've changed and grown, and I've got to acknowledge that and give myself credit. I have to look at who I am now, not the mistakes from the past. Karma is my biggest success story because she came to me injured and abandoned. She'd been stuck on the spine just below her neck with enough force to damage her ability to control her back legs unless on carpeting. I don't know how much time she'd had to heal before then, how much worse it was when it first happened. All I know is that she and her siblings were abandoned in the country at the beginning of November, the beginning of the cold season. I know she was too shy to seek help from me - that she was hiding when her sister screamed at my sliding glass door, seeing the other cats living in safety with me. She came out only after I was petting her sister, talking kindly to her. It was cold, sleeting, and they needed shelter so she came out of hiding.
Karma's had real trust issues. When people came to the house she hid - no one saw her, ever. She's been with me for a year and 9 months now, healed for more than a year now physically. About 4 weeks ago she let one, then another of my friends pet her for the first time. She loves and trusts me, follows me around the house at times, snuggles infrequently. I've still never heard her purr but I might have felt the vibration in her neck once petting her. But I got what she was telling me. She loves me. She trusts me. Then Whiskers came up when she got down. He gently touched my lips with his nose. He likes to get close and smell my breath. He's been with me for 12 years, and that was the final message from the cats at the time. He and I have a deep relationship because I've nurtured it, learned exactly what he likes. I've cared enough to accommodate his personal tastes, I cater to his whims. Therefore we are very closely bonded. He's very eccentric so that's an accomplishment. And I've never had a cat with me this long. And so I saw that I am what they need now, that I'm not the same as I was. I can't redeem what I did no matter how many cats I ever help or how much. But I can change and I did. And so I think I finally forgave myself. Give yourself credit for the changes you've made and base your judgments of self overall on who you are now.
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