My maternal grandmother wasn't but my mother is, fully. She's been addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, diet pills, gambling, etc. Even though my only physical addiction to truly take hold was cigarettes, I'm an addictive personality. For example, in relationships. I fall head over heels & miss all the signs & cues that this isn't healthy. It becomes entirely about the other person & I develop tunnel vision. I forsake other activities & friends. I become entirely centered on that person & my world & self revolves around him/her. In other words, it's not just in mating that I do this. I can do it with a teacher, a new friend, an interest. With an interest it can be good because it means I deeply delve into the subject & really learn a lot. We can all make good use of traits of an addictive personality. In fact, there are very few if any personality traits we can't channel in a way that's useful for us. But first you have to recognize them. I know I'm an addictive personality so I really watch my alcohol intake most of the time. That's the only substance I seem to need to be watchful over & regulate. I do have control over it, most of the time simply don't drink. I don't need it or have a lot of opportunity to do it, seldom make an opportunity or take advantage of one. If I do, I usually control it well. I don't have any trouble with drugs because I tend to be highly reactive to the ones you'd have to use with caution (I'm talking addictive prescriptions), so take a minimum only when needed.
The one thing that gets me that I don't recognize until I've gotten well into it or well out of it is that "head over heels" thing - male/female, new friends, new interests - whatever the case at the time. I AM an addictive personality. Fortunately it hasn't much gone into substances (only cigarettes), although I'm not sure why. Due to awareness, I believe I've solved it regarding men. I'm totally into personal independence now & am truly feeling it. I don't believe I'd give myself over again like I've done in the past. But recently I did it with a new friend & teacher & had to be shocked into getting myself back out of it. I'd done it again, without the recognition. So I see that I still have work to do. Fortunately, I was the only one affected by this, unlike my former marriages. In those mistakes, others were hurt too. And I quickly recovered from my hurt this time & learned a valuable lesson. Fortunately I was given the insight about doing this in relationships of all kinds, & that I do it with interests too. So it was a very valuable lesson at a very low cost. I like those.
If you are not at all prone to any kind of addiction you know others who are, so this is still valuable information. What I want you to see is that addictions come in all shapes & sizes. You can be addicted to things that are not considered the norm, & therefore not see it in yourself (or else, again, in others). Food is a common addiction, & most people recognize that one. Some other kinds of addictions: turmoil (they keep things stirred up), deadlines (those who always wait to the last minute), excitement, risk, "bad boys," co-dependents, unhealthy personalities in others, fighting, staying down (don't do anything to improve their lives or keep making unfortunate choices), being the victim (they set up circumstances that causes this), being sick. There are many others too. Thing is, if there's a recurring theme in your life or the life of someone you're trying to help, addiction needs to be taken into consideration. Chances are you or that person is addicted to a certain condition in life & therefore perpetuating it. And if there's one area of addiction you can identify, there's sure to be more.
Part of conquering it is done in organizations like AA. You have to acknowledge the addiction. In some cases, conquering it is just a matter of recognizing it, acknowledging it, & working to make conscious choices to change it. That's more the case with addictive behaviors than with addictions to things like food or substances, of course. But recognizing our problems is the first step toward awareness & solving the problem no matter what it is.
Addictive personalities have serious problems in setting personal boundaries. In my case, lack of boundaries stems from childhood abuse, which I've perpetuated to the point of often being a victim. Fortunately, I'm not tied or addicted to being a victim, & am working on my boundaries. There is a lot of great material out there for people like me, who want to be get better at setting our boundaries. I won't begin to recommend any specifics at this point. I simply suggest that you get hold of what is simpliest to understand & follow, & that you buy the publication so you can highlight, flag pages, read, & re-read as much as needed. These issues are usually deep rooted & take a long time to fix. The good news is, they are fixable, & we benefit immessurably from doing the work. Intent is everything, & I've added to my "I Am" statements to help me with these addictions. It says "I am happy being addiction free & a non-smoker."
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