True Love is a Verb

Many who profess to love us actually just want love for themselves or to take from us. And unfortunately, in many relationships a power struggle for love, attention, & dominance of needs takes over. If you truly love someone, you build them up & honor them. Saying you love someone is important but showing, acting that love is what counts. Most people who are familiar with the Bible know the passage I Corinthians 13: 4-7. I'll quote from the Revised Standard Version because this is exactly what true love is. "Love is patient & kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." I'm not entirely sure what it means by "boastful" but I think the rest of the passage is clear & I've been speaking about these things in my last couple of posts. Perhaps that "boastful" speaks to not gloating when you "win" an argument or rubbing things in. For example, if you get a big raise at work & your partner is in danger of being fired, you really need to be helping him/her & not gloating about your raise. You need to build your partner up. If you make the majority of the income, don't hold it over the head of your partner. In other words, no "weapons" of any kind.

The more you love & are loved, the closer the relationship, the greater the potential for harm or gain. Those closest to you can tear you down better than anyone or build you up better. Their praise & love or the withholding of, affects us more than anything & anyone else. So you truly have a great responsibility to those you're in love relationships with. You have more of an influence on that person than anyone else in the world & therefore a greater obligation, whether it's a parent to child or love partnership situation. In the past I wrote a post on unconditional love & I believe I truly did the subject justice so I won't repeat it. I last posted it on 11/11/11.

Besides power struggles in the place of love in action, fighting, & other things I've covered recently, the way we express our love to others also makes a difference. I highly recommend "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman if you've never read it. I recommend every household have one copy for reference because it's that important. It's written for couples but applies to all relationships & we're all in multiple relationships unless we're total hermits. The book explains in detail each of the love languages & I've never known this to be wrong. Most of us have a primary & secondary language & some of us display all 5 depending on the nature of the relationship & circumstances. Because each "language" or style is so different, we can be receiving or giving in a style or "language" that is different & therefore the giving isn't recognized as such & needs go unmet. It's important to understand your own style or "love language" so you know what you need & best receive & it's important to understand when love is being given to you in other ways. You might get a better picture of what I'm telling you if I tell you the different styles. They are "words of affirmation," "quality time," "receiving or giving gifts," "acts of service," & "physical touch." We each need all these things, but we have primary needs that, whether or not they're met, influences how loved we feel. Sometimes we partner with those who "speak our primary language" but often we don't so understanding is key. And it's very important that you understand the style needs of your partner so you can learn to give in the way needed if it differs from your normal style. Again, this is as true in parent/child relations & all others as in a spousal relationship. All relationships benefit from using love (or "regard" or "respect" if you prefer) as a verb & really making sure the "language" is delivered in the best way for that individual. By the way, the book has a wonderful chapter on "Love is a Choice" & one on children & love languages. It's one of the best buys you'll ever make.