Bonnie was the most unusual cat I've ever known. She was born in my home, a "whoops" that was meant to be. False heats & one that wasn't led to a litter of 4. Bonnie was the only long-haired cat, all black & extremely beautiful. And she knew it. She was the most lively & clever of the kittens, soon stood out from the others. The first time she left the birthing room & explored the house, she captivated my 100 pound dog! He was hers from then on, wrapped around her little paw. As her personality developed, she became a princess to the extent that she inspired a short story about her royalty & the planet she came from. Bonnie was the most self-possessed cat I've ever known, & the most special. She taught me everything I know about being a cat, how they think & view the world, us. And now she's one of my spirit guides. We had a special & unique bond & I miss her every single day. I'm crying now, as I write, because that pain never quite goes away. Even though she's with me, I miss her. She was only with me for 7 years & 3 months due to a heart defect & her will (wouldn't take her medicine), but made more of an impact on me than any other animal. Remember I'm an animal person when you read that.
When Bonnie was growing up I was a single parent up against it, working full time & caring for my children under very adverse circumstances. I always put my children & my job first & for a long time I came last. I teach that people are not an unlimited resource & that you must take good care of yourself because if you don't, others will have to. This is a lesson I learned in counseling for displaced homemakers a year after single-parenting began. However, what I did was give myself the bare minimum I needed to function. When Bonnie was born I was also finishing up a year of counseling dealing with the sexual & emotional abuse from my childhood. I'd entirely repressed the memories of the sexual abuse & they didn't surface until after separating from my husband. I was dealing with recovery on top of all the rest. I was in the process of learning who I was, how I felt about things, & learning to love myself. Loving myself & seeing myself clearly was the biggest challenge. I certainly needed Bonnie's lessons!
Here's what I learned by observation. Cats are normally very graceful, clever, creative, self-possessed, & self-respecting. I gave it all away, was too open & "out there." I learned grace from Bonnie. I learned to carry myself in a graceful manner (as I once did when my physical self-image was better). I also learned to handle situations & others with grace. Have you ever seen a cat fall off something? They pick themselves up with an air of "I meant to do that" & stalk off if you laugh. Bonnie was too much of a lady to ever fall but her brother did & I learned from that. I learned to retain my dignity even when I made a mistake, to pick myself up & just move on. I also learned not to dwell on the mistake & punish myself (some - took quite awhile to learn that one). I learned to take care of my self-image. I learned that appearances matter, how you conduct yourself & appear toward others. I began imitating Bonnie. Remember, I was rebuilding myself. I learned from her & the others. One of the things I learned was not to give it all away, that I matter too. Dogs are very eager to please you, are pack animals that will do just about anything for you. Cats please themselves yet are giving, especially when you're in need. They are more cool, & are subtle, rather than all out there. They can appear aloof but aren't - they just don't gush often. So I learned to be more reserved until I knew it was safe, learned to be more self-possessed. I learned that you can be just as giving & loving without going "all in" from the start.
Cats are very individual personalities, masters of their own fate as much as possible. I learned that being an unusual individual was good & that helped me feel better about myself. Instead of trying to fit in & conform, I learned it was ok to be different. Cats aren't so aloof or independent that they don't need us, but they're discerning & discriminating. They don't fall all over the first nice person they meet, tell their whole life stories, etc. You have to earn the deep love of a cat & when you do, you've truly accomplished something worthwhile. I learned to hold myself in higher regard, & was very honored to be Bonnie's one & only human love. I learned to set boundaries some & protect myself, keep some of myself in reserve. I learned to give without giving it all away. Cats are truly very giving, without losing themselves in doing it. Their purrs are very healing for us. And contrary to what some believe, they don't go to the one person who hates cats out of perversity. They do it because they sense the need of that person. Someone that locked up really needs a dose of love & affection.
Cats clearly show their pleasure & I learned the importance of that. They show you just what they want & how they want it, then reinforce your response. They nap when they need to, are self-grooming, take good care of themselves & I learned that too. They don't carry grudges either, another good lesson. If you accidentally step on a cat they run & hide but soon come out & all is forgotten. However, if you purposely hurt a cat, you've lost their trust forever. That's not a grudge, it's self-protection. I don't mean if you hurt one to help him - like administer a shot. The rest of your behavior is loving & kind so they understand there's a reason. I mean abuse. They do their best to get away from abusers. Cats are also very resourceful & creative. They'll turn anything into a toy & create their own games & fun. I learned that you can turn even routine things into fun with a change of attitude & perspective. I already knew how to turn "trash" into "treasure," something I learned from my beloved grandmother. Cats have a great sense of play, bring it into their lives multiple times a day, all on their own. That's another wonderful thing we can learn from them. When in the mood they can turn almost anything into play & they're always ready for play if we initiate. They make the most of opportunities as soon as they're presented, another thing I've learned from them. They aren't shy or hesitant about seizing opportunity or new experiences.
I've had cats in my home since the first one "happened" to me in 1982. It's no secret that they've become my favorite animal (I was a dog person growing up). I continue to enjoy them daily, can't imagine life without them. And I constantly admire & learn from them.
No comments:
Post a Comment