As I've said, I started reflecting last month on what life was like this time last year. It was the end of a long period of living with my ex while coming to see that he really had committed a terrible crime against my mother & me. I had to open my eyes to the abuse I suffered & the fear I'd lived with, while he was still in the home & the fear grew to include fear for my life. I had to decide to put him in jail, despite my love & respect for the rest of his family. I had to make it all end & that was the only way to put a stop to him. I had to face that we had no viable business, I had no viable income, & that the life I thought I had was an entire lie. Over the weekend I made my first trip back to Maryland since last year, when my family & friends took in my mother, my cats, & me for nearly 2 weeks. It was very healing to go back on my own terms, just because I was asked to come for a visit. The cats stayed home as usual, & my only concern was the little one I've been keeping. I want her to stay with me because we love each other, but she's not supposed to be my cat. She came to earth to enrich the life of another & I couldn't find that home for her. It's been a thorn in my side since March that my other cats won't accept her or allow her to live here in peace. Remember, I'm an animal communicator so I've tried everything. Finally, I just forced the issue & told them they owe me because of the home & care I give them. We were making some progress until I went away for 3 days & they were in charge. Getting away from a situation always gives you perspective & when I got home & found the young cat cornered, I finally gave up. I was ready to send her to a shelter if I had to but was no longer going to allow this to sap my energy. I can't save them all - at least not at this time. Fortunately, the next day the guy I thought she was supposed to go to called & asked about her. He was cleaning out emails & found the one I sent him in March about her, knew it was a sign! So she goes to her new home on Saturday. Part of living clean is getting rid of the obstacles that drain you, one way or another. Sometimes it's people in our lives. Sometimes it's pets, or papers, projects, excessive possessions. Sometimes it's old relationships or hurts or experiences we haven't let go of. Sometimes it's old patterns of thinking, or old insecurities. Another reason my trip was healing was that my mother wasn't with me. That's clearing I achieved months ago & now I've healed from having her as my sole responsibility. Again, I gave up the burden of care because burden is the right word.
Getting away from a situation, anniversaries of events, & holidays can be great times of reflection that allow us to gain perspective. So can earthquake-like events in our lives, but those are fortunately rare. I've had a lot going on in my head lately about how I'm living & I realize it's time to finish making the changes, one way or another. I've been working at clearing this house exclusively for months now, & for nearly a year. Now I'm going to kick into high gear & quit being so careful of what I'm doing. I'm done being the keeper of other people's trash that they consider to be treasures but not enough to care for themselves. I'm done playing out other people's karma. None of this fits my needs & it all holds me back. That's true for all of us. Stuff truly does hold you back, especially holding on to your own. I can't paint or draw & I have all the creative juices trying to flow with nowhere to go. I can't do anything about it right now because my studio is so bad that it entirely puts me off. I can barely walk in the door. I've been putting so much effort into clearing out the junk left behind by my mother & my ex that I've neglected 1 of the 2 most important rooms in my house in terms of functioning. (The other is my bedroom, vital because we all need restful sleep, & that was the first one I cleared.) Every time I've found something that needed repair, it's gone into my studio. Every time I've found a box of stuff related to what I do there, it's gone in that room. But I haven't taken the time to put these things away or clear out, & it just gets worse every day. That's the natural way of things when you don't take care of something immediately. That's why I'm always preaching about doing that. In my defense, I couldn't do that along with the other clearing. When you're doing a whole house, you truly do have to do one room at a time. My mistake was in making that room wait until the end.
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