This week has been about change & progress, & that was majorly boosted yesterday when I received my instruction & attunement to become a Reiki Master/teacher. One of my first awarenesses later that day was an even greater connection to God & His messages. At the end, our Reiki Master had us draw a card from Doreen Virtue's Angel Therapy deck, our message for that profound moment. I was pretty disturbed by the card I drew, which was the "Cancel, Clear, Delete" card. I've gotten this card before & knew what it means. It's about negative energy or thoughts. When I drew it 6 weeks ago or so, I took immediate action & wrote my "I Am" statements & started working on only positive thoughts & statements, as per my previous blogs. Yet Monday, someone from my soul group called me on negative joking. I've been fond of saying, "If I only had a brain," ala "The Wizard of Oz." It's just a joke, but I use it whenever my mind is scattered. I really appreciated her pointing out that it's still negative about myself & therefore not a good thing. She's right & it takes real love to say that to someone. I need to guard my joking too! I know so well from my past that we say things in jest that we really feel or believe. In fact, that's how I've discovered at times what was really in my heart - by becoming aware of my words as I joked about myself. Yet here was another area I hadn't noticed, a current behavior that no longer served me.
Still, I didn't see why I drew that card. I'm spirit filled enough to know it wasn't a mistake, & the occasion was sacred so that reinforced that for me. So on the way home I asked God why, what I was missing. He immediately supplied the answer, & it was that negativity had been gradually creeping up on me. It was a bunch of little things mostly, so I hadn't realized it. I was annoyed at a friend over something trivial. I'd been setting some boundaries & perhaps I need to set a few more. I'd also been pretty wishy washy in setting them because I don't want to hurt my friend, therefore don't want to be seen setting them. Next week there will be more on this subject. Boundaries are hard for me because of my background but in my work I must learn to set them firmly, & to always do it in unconditional love for myself & the person. Simply doing that keeps the negative out. I'd allowed it in by not facing the issue squarely, & was completely unaware. That might have been the whole basis for allowing negativity to creep in. Then everything started adding to it, including normal stressors that I usually handle with grace. Then I found myself getting angry at the kitten I'm trying to integrate into my home for scratching me when I tried to help her, impatient with other drivers & people not doing things when I wanted them done. Then I found myself worried about money all over again. The very things I said I no longer do, the things I guard against daily, had found a way in & I didn't realize it. I was back to stressing & worrying, anger & impatience. It all built back up very quickly - not to the old degree, but still. And I don't want to be that person.
I was very grateful for the card & the answer, & that's really all I needed to solve the problem. I still have to deal with the boundary issue but I know what the problem was now so I can do that. Since then I've been in another space, one of grace, love, a full attitude of gratitude, & beauty. I now understand that "attitude of gratitude" even more. The further you get into the Spirit, the more meaning given to everything good you've ever heard about or learned. Nothing & everything has changed since yesterday. What's changed is my heart, not my circumstances. But I have more faith than ever that I will be taken care of, will receive all I need, am living in a state of grace. I can see the way ahead again. I can see avenues for God to provide solutions to granting me what I want & need. Once I received the message, everything started moving forward again, clearing the cause of some of my frustrations & negative energy. Today, when I was hit with another deep problem to solve, I simply assigned it to next week when I will have time to work on it. I did this without worry or fear & it didn't disturb my energy because I'm back to the position of faith & gratitude. Glory be to God in the Highest!
I think it all has to do with 2 steps forward and 1 step back... the same as a person deals with death or grief. Eventually it becomes 3 steps forward and 1 step back and then more forward and less back. The backward steps are there to remind us of the work remaining yet to show how far we have come. A mixed blessing and one to say thanks for nonetheless. The divine works in ways that at times seem wrong to us, yet, by taking the time to allow the lesson to settle, always move us forward and give us answers. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI agree, & it only seems like a mixed blessing at the time. Then, as the lesson settles, we realize that all becomes a blessing when you're living in Spirit. Also, when these healings take place, more is healed than just what we're aware of, what we see on the surface. I know because I feel a deeper clearing & release than just that one issue would warrant.
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