Reflections on the Last 11 Months

I arrived back in Pennsylvania about 6 p.m. on November 2, 2010. I'd been away for nearly 2 weeks, with my cats & my mother. We'd run to safety because my now ex had threatened to kill her, couldn't return until we knew he'd reported to jail on November 1. That night all I got done was to settle everyone back in & get our water restored. I had to call my landlord to find out how to work the lever on the side of the well pump, necessary when the electricity goes off for awhile or a toilet is left running. So I also had to tell my landlord what had happened, knowing he'd be concerned about how this would affect my ability to buy this house. (What happened was my ex stole all my mother's life savings. He left me with no income, no assets, no money in the bank, & past due bills.)

So 11 months ago was the first day of the rest of my life, & I had my hands full. I had a large house full of boxes of papers, his junk, my mother's junk, & perhaps evidence of his theft. He was only charged with stealing $9000, the original amount discovered missing, & it was up to me to see if he left behind any evidence of the other $491,000 he'd stolen. There were floor to ceiling boxes in the basement & garage to go through - so much that it was hard to walk around. Soon I also discovered that I had to file taxes for her from 2004 on & that to the IRS, it looked like she'd cashed in all her assets & not paid taxes.

Sometimes it seems like this is never ending. I still have 4 stacks of floor to ceiling boxes in the garage & you can still barely walk. The basement is still full of stuff, & 3 rooms in my house are a total mess still. That's when it's necessary for me to step back & realize that I've gotten a lot done in 11 months. Yes, there are certain areas that are still a terrible mess but when I look around I realize that most of them are nearly completed, can be finished with concentrated effort on just that. I've completely transformed & cleared 3 rooms, with only 3 left to do. One of them will be finished this week. When you're in the process of, there's usually a period where things look worse before you see the results. I didn't prove the rest of his theft. I can see it but can't prove it. But I did manage to get the IRS satisfied & mostly get her affairs in order. I also took physical care of her for many months, then got her into a nursing home when her health deteriorated. I've managed to do a seemingly impossible amount of clearing. My mother & ex were hoarders. My mother was so bad she could have been on that TV show, my ex wasn't nearly that bad. I've been dealing with their messes - try to imagine!

While still dealing with all that, which is at first about all I did, I managed to start my own business, start this blog, be attuned to Reiki I & II, & become a regularly practicing Reiki healer. I've been able to help many animals & people so far, through Reiki & in other ways, things I do. I've also made a lot of new friends that are so valuable to me they feel like family. I myself have healed a lot physically, spiritually, & emotionally. I've lost a bunch of weight & gained a bunch of muscle & am now healthier than I've been in many years. I went from taking way over the limit of 2 different kinds of insulin to barely taking any of either. I've eliminated supplements I used to need to take, & some medications. But the biggest change & what I want you to know about, is in my life. Despite dealing with all the pain & mess I was left with, my life has been entirely transformed. A year ago I feared for my life, was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from living most of my life with abusers, could barely sleep, eat, or function. Yet I found the strength to put my abuser in jail, take on my other abuser & take her to safety, take on the whole burden of care for her & myself & the problems left to be solved. I now live in grace, peace, joy, love, & harmony. I've healed from the PTSD & much else. In less than 11 months I went from being scared every minute of every day to writing a blog about how to eliminate fear from your life entirely. That's the blog I'd actually written for today, so will post it tomorrow. Now I wake up every day, for the first time ever in my life, eager to see what the day will bring, ready for the adventure, welcoming each interruption as opportunity. The contrast goes much further back than 11 months ago. I'm 55 & this is the first time I've ever lived free in my entire life. I tell you all this because it's the power of God at work! The weight loss (I wasn't trying), the healings & health, all the progress, the total transformation, is God at work. Now yes, I had a large hand in it. I keep saying that you have to do whatever is in front of you to do, because I've done it. I've worked very, very hard over the last 11 months. But I know what I'm capable of on my own & have accomplished in the past with my best efforts vs. what I've accomplished in the last 11 months, & have to give the real credit to God.