I've learned the importance of loving, honoring, valuing & cherishing myself, to truly love myself. I've learned that those who don't really love themselves fully look to others to do it for them. That burdens the other person & never works. We can't fully love someone else or be in relationship fully until we love ourselves. I'm not sure when I finally got to where I fully love myself but I know I'm still in the process of learning to honor & take care of myself, which is putting that love into action daily.
Love is an action word really, not an emotion. Love that is just an emotion fades & is subject to whims. Unconditional love is action not emotion, & the kind of love we have to have for ourselves, & the only true form of love to give others. Unconditional love is the kind in I Corinthians 13 & what we have to have for ourselves. Look it up. If you don't have a Bible, look it up on the internet.
I understand myself fairly well & have for as long as I can remember. What I've learned to do is to accept myself as I am & forgive myself for my "mistakes." That's part of how I truly came to love myself. I've learned & grown from those "mistakes." I've paid the consequences & taken responsibility. I've apologized to those I've hurt & owned up to my "failures." I've made amends where possible. That's allowed me to have love more fully in my life, for myself & from others. It's also allowed me to understand & forgive others, to move on. All of these are necessary parts of learning to truly love yourself. Now that I love myself I'm almost completely heart-centered & there's great joy in that. I receive so much love from the outside that it amazes me. And I have such peace in my heart & self, because I no longer live with regrets, rage, & emotional pain. I seldom look back & I don't sweat the future, so I live in the present & take each day as a gift. I am so full of love for myself & others that I attract great love. I also attract attention, mostly the good kind. I understand, by the way, that I'm not perfect or where I want & need to be, but it's ok. I accept where & who I am now & understand that although there is always progress & growth in my life & self, I'm what & where I need to be in this moment. I no longer drive myself crazy seeing what I need to get done in my life, environment, or self. I know that it will come in the proper time & I'm able to wait & pace myself.
I do many things for myself. Yesterday I took the day off for Mother's Day, only did whatever I wanted to do pretty much. One way I treat myself is to surround myself with things that make me feel good. Mostly all I can count on is me to do for me. My kids are in other states & I don't have a spouse or boyfriend. Yet I have a beautiful vase of flowers on the table that makes me very happy. I give myself flowers whenever they're in bloom. Right now it's peonies & they smell heavenly. I picked out the best vase to showcase them. I have lots to choose from because I love beautiful vases & fresh cut flowers. I give myself the things that will make me feel special, & then I enjoy them fully. In my home I have pictures hung & knick knacks that have meaning for me, provide a sense of comfort & wellbeing. I treat myself to nice things without spending a lot. I take good care of the things that I have so that I can continue to have them. I also don't clutter with things that don't mean anything to me. I order my environment to suit me. (Some people mentally go to their "happy place." I've made my home & my front porch into my "happy places.") I'm working on ordering my whole life that way too, which is setting boundaries with the others in my life.
Learning to love yourself is a sum of the choices you make. Setting boundaries is very important for that. Last night a friend & client called at 10:45 p.m. & I didn't answer the phone. In the past I've asked him not to call so late but he hasn't gotten the message & I'm feeling anger. So this time I'm going to firmly tell him that it's disrespectful, as is the fact that he argues with me when I'm helping him with changes he needs to make. I'm going to put a firm end to the disrespectful behavior, set my boundaries, stand up for myself. That's something I'm learning to do. I grew up not being allowed to have any boundaries so it's been hard for me to assert my boundaries. But we all have boundaries within ourselves & not asserting them is disrespecting ourselves. So I'm going to politely (despite the fact that he's very impolite with me) but firmly establish real boundaries here. The more you do it the easier it becomes & the more worthy we feel. It's necessary.
I've learned to treat myself more respectfully too. I no longer use self-depreciating humor & I watch my self-talk all the time. When I catch myself saying something at all negative about myself I switch it to the temporary or turn it completely positive, or use it to make changes in myself or my life. I acknowledge myself fully when I need to, including negatives. If I have a nagging headache or am not feeling energetic, I am careful not to speak in "I am" statements about it but I do acknowledge myself & my needs. Then I usually say "Right now I'm feeling..." That brings it to my full attention so I can do something about it. The same guy who called too late has some terrible habits in how he talks about himself. He always talks about how bad his memory is & how chaotic his brain is. I absolutely don't do that. I also really watch absolute words like "always" & "never," as they don't acknowledge the ability to change or grow. I happen to know that I have a tendency to stay up too late, to need a lot of time to unwind at the end of the day before bed, & that when I get engrossed in a really good book I don't want to put it down, spend too much time reading. Instead of negative talk about that, I've chosen to do something about it. Sometimes I allow myself to indulge, & forgive myself. Most often, I choose to put the book down or curtail the time & go to bed earlier, listen to the needs of my body instead of my tendencies. I try to balance my various needs.
Writing "I Am" statements for yourself are a great way to change your thinking & behaviors to learn to love & honor yourself. Here are some really good ones. "I am worthy." "I am devoted to honoring my feelings & communicating from my heart at all times." "I celebrate my great decision-making abilities." "My validation always comes from within." "I am unconditionally loved, loving & lovable." "I am a caring, giving, loving, valuable human." "I am a caring, giving, loving, good & valuable friend." "I am compassionate toward & take good care of myself, nurture myself as I've nurtured others." "I make a great difference, am a catalyst for bringing good to others & situations." "I am becoming the best me I can be." "I am able to change & adapt as needed for my highest good." "I love myself unconditionally. I feel my feelings but am able to handle the highs & lows effectively." "I am a unique, radiant, loving being." "I am who I am & glory in that." "I am my own person & choose how to think & behave." "I speak up for myself & my voice is becoming stronger & more compelling." "I am able to trust people & trust my feelings." "I am releasing all the past hurt in my life & turning it into love." "I am able to accept myself. I don't need anyone else to feel whole & complete." "I deserve the best that life has to offer. My needs are always met." "I am complete in myself & don't need approval from another person to ensure my happiness." "I have a right to express my desires to myself & others." "I am determined to treat myself with honor & respect." "I love myself for who I am & the potential within me." "What I have to say is worthy of being listened to." "I am the Divine plan unfolding itself. I have nothing to prove." "I am at the peak of physical health - at my best weight, in shape & at peak physical capability. I maintain this through a healthy lifestyle, healthy eating & a healthy amount of the best kinds of exercise, activities & play for my highest functioning & greatest good." These are just suggestions to choose from or inspire you to alter & use, or influence the writing of your own. On May 11 I included some good ones too, so please go back & read that blog if you haven't already.
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