Lately I've been feeling some real dissatisfaction. I've been feeling anger at someone for disrespecting me & at someone else for truly deeply hurting one of my dearest loved ones. I've been feeling used & pulled in many directions, since there's so much I can do & actively do for others but I'm seldom or barely getting paid for it & therefore have little income & time & energy to generate it. I've been feeling vaguely bored & purposeless, like I've been drifting. I've had trouble balancing the fires within me. Since I lead a purpose-driven life, I understand that these are calls for action on my part.
Today I addressed one area of disrespect with the one who has angered me & the next time the other area comes up I'll address it. I did it kindly & gently & my message was received. This will allow me to get over that anger. All I can do about the other anger is pray for the one who has angered me & support the person who's been hurt. I work with Archangel Zadkiel each day on that anger, & it truly helps. I know I've shared this before but it's important to share again. "Archangel Zadkiel, please help me heal my heart. If I'm holding on to unforgiveness or anger, please help me to release it fully. If there's something I'm not seeing, please help me to see clearly. If I need more compassion, please fill my heart with mercy. When I'm worried or anxious, please fill my heart with faith & calmness. I now surrender my needs fully to you & I trust that your God-given healing power takes care of every detail with divine grace, harmony & wisdom. Thank you." My brain often starts the day with my concerns & the left over feelings I haven't dealt with. This part of my angel work always helps me.
I'm not sure what else to do about feeling pulled & used. I'm already working with angels, praying, using "I Am" & manifestation statements. I've got to do some meditations & really put this before God & the angels for help because I still feel stalled. I need some clear guidance & direction, focus. I understand some of the feelings of boredom. My fires of passion have opened with no current outlet. Somewhere out there is "him, whoever he is," my life mate. I can't force the timing nor do I believe I'm quite ready for him in my life but I'm not sure what all I have to do to be ready. And the time has to be right for him too. So again, I have to work with myself - the only thing I can control.
There are a lot of things I can do to change things. It's just the things I should be doing regularly anyway, for the most part. One thing is to start doing all that's before me to do. People are waiting for me to do things for them & whether I'll get paid or not, I need to just do them. Then they're off my mind & not weighing on me. I also need to get back to doing Distance Reiki regularly. That puts me back in touch with my purpose & spirit. I need to do things around the house to improve my environment, & be out in the garden & yard. Again, that gets these things off my mind, helps me feel productive, & the outdoor work is exercise & gets me in touch with Mother Earth & nature. It puts me out in the sunshine & fresh air, which we all need. "Playing in the dirt," as I call it, feeds my soul & spirit. I love the smell of fresh dirt, flowers, the bird songs. We all need that as surely as we need water. And I need to drink more water. I need to exercise, & do creative things like painting. I need to quit giving in to the feelings & letting them drag me down & do something about them. I need to use them to make positive changes.
I know that I'm a heart centered person & that my soul & spirit is mostly pure Love. Until recently I had part of that blocked, & I've had my sexuality blocked for many years now. In 1998 I walked away from the love of my life, the love of many past lives because it's not going to be a viable relationship in this lifetime. We had a relationship for many years & he's a part of who I am, my soul & spirit, but the relationship ran its course within the confines of this lifetime. I suppressed the feelings after that until recently, & that led to all kinds of problems. A couple of weeks ago I "happened" to read a novel I'd bought some years ago & it opened my heart back up & gave me perspective on this love & relationship. Since I pay attention to & use everything, I called him & re-established contact. I understood that there was unfinished business I needed to take care of before I could heal & move on. What I've done is reconnect with him to establish wholeness in me. It hasn't changed our relationship any - he's a huge part of my heart & that will never change, but he's not going to be a regular part of my life. But now I feel he's an alive & active part. I can call him when I want & need to, & so far that's eliminated the need. By repressing the feelings, I'd kind of created a monster. By freeing them, I liberated my self & put everything into perspective. I also restored a vital piece of myself. Now my heart is much more open & I'm able to be more of myself, more loving, caring, & giving. Each morning I give my love for him to God, who is the one who gave us the love in the first place. Then it's entirely up to Him who He benefits with it & how.
I've been feeling a vague overall dissatisfaction & also dissatisfaction with my "I Am" statements. They were entirely rewritten based on that teleconference on thriving vs. barely surviving in my metaphysical business & just not doing it for me. It seems I need to regularly rewrite them to reflect current needs. So be it. I wasn't sure where I was going with this blog & what I need to do to move forward so I took a break before this paragraph & did an angel card reading for myself. I used Doreen Virtue's Archangel Michael deck. I now have 5 decks including those & by working with them regularly I know which ones to use when, for myself & others. One of the biggest things I discovered is that I'm still doing the abused child disconnect. I'm not listening to myself & applying it when I advise others, for one thing. I'm not using my journal as well as I need to in order to truly identify my feelings & needs. I need to start listening to my body & emotions & really meeting my own needs. I created an action plan for myself based on the cards & messages. I found that I truly am on the right track but that I have to have confidence & faith in myself. I was right in all the things I've already said I need to be doing, including doing whatever presents itself to me to do - taking action. All I need now is to get fully in touch with my truest passions & purpose. I've been thinking in terms of income needs rather than my true needs & passions. I've been listening to others tell me my purpose, & they may or may not be right. I've also been listening too much to the 3rd dimension messages from myself & others - money, work, the traditional path that drives them. It happens to all of us - people impose their values as absolutes, judge us, advise us whether we ask for it or not, or simply question us about what we're doing with our lives. So today I'm going to spend some time really getting in touch with myself. I've said it before - I have so many things I can do, so many gifts & talents but haven't been making money from them. I've had trouble settling in because of this. Once I entirely get in touch with my self & my passions, I know what to do - write my "I Am"s, set intent, take every step forward, commit myself entirely to my desires, & call on Archangel Michael for help every step of the way. He's a great supply of courage & confidence, strength & power.
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