If you regularly read my blogs you're used to hearing me say that I don't really cry. The most that usually happened is a single tear, & that was very rare. At my regular Reiki Exchange in September, two of the practitioners did some extra work on me while I was receiving group Reiki & I asked about it afterwards. One, a gifted Shaman as well as Reiki Master who's done wonders for me before, told me she'd drawn a lot out of me but that she doesn't usually know what it is. It's kind of poisonous, but usually she can't identify it. The other, the Reiki Master who attuned me, used a crystal tuning fork at my throat chakra because it was very clogged. For those who don't know, chakras are kind of energy centers in our bodies. The throat chakra can be clogged when we don't release emotions, "have our say." Go back to the things I said about speaking your truth in love. A few days later a friend pointed out to me what she noticed was blocking me. I was unaware because I've already done so much work on clearing & healing emotional problems from my past. She said I was still blocked over feeling regarding my mother's narcissism & my husband's betrayal. That made sense to me because I understand that deep rooted problems are layered within us. Many of us have universal themes of hurt that go throughout our lives until we learn to truly heal from them. The hurts attract more of the same from many people. They're then added to layer by layer over the years & must also be healed in layers, rather than all at once. A good example is a sexual abuse victim in therapy. You don't go once & talk for an hour & you're done. It would be overwhelming for your mind to release all the pain at once, to try to deal with all the memories - simply impossible. Instead, your mind brings up for release one layer at a time. It's the same whether the healing comes from self-work, Reiki healing, or therapy.
I took the news & revelation as I take all these days. I was grateful for the guidance & then knew what issues to confront & heal. I know the importance of healing emotionally & am perfectly willing to do all I can to heal. I pray about it, which puts it out there to be worked on. It puts my intent out to God & the angels, who can then help me. It also brings it to the forefront of my mind. I also journal as a tool. This time, when I went to journal about it, what came out instead was something entirely different that I thought I was over. I dealt with that instead. That's one of the great values of journaling. Once you do it regularly, it's a wonderful tool for healing. Because our minds are so complex, our conscious mind can be completely disconnected from our subconscious mind in areas where we're blocking due to unresolved issues & pain. An example is victims of childhood abuse who don't remember their childhood. When you regularly journal with intent, your conscious mind yields to your subconscious & the most pressing issues come forward first. I intended to journal about my ex & my mother, but the overall intent was healing & I journal almost daily. I journal whenever I have that feeling that I want to say something, process something, or preserve a memory or experience. I tend to journal before I talk with someone about something really close to my heart, so I can deal with it while it's pure. It's pure until I discuss it with someone else & get their reaction or input.
I know some key people who are struggling with emotions & how to handle them. One wanted to put up walls so she wouldn't get hurt any more. One used controlled substances to deal with her feelings until that just wasn't working for her any more. Then she had to learn to deal with her feelings any way. Many of us just bury them, which is akin to putting up a wall. One guy I know absolutely doesn't deal well with emotions - his own or of others. The result is that he's a real jerk to live with, especially when anything at all doesn't go his way. He expects others to cheat him so he doesn't trust people, & always expects the worst out of life & people. He's the extreme example I usually give. The problem is that since he doesn't deal well with emotions, including his own, he misses all the good stuff. He especially misses the love coming his way. He therefore doesn't really love or trust himself or others.
Those who stuff their emotions or wall them off or drug up to not feel them or don't recognize & deal with them at all, only magnify their own problems. Eventually we all have to deal with them or we develop diseases & can eventually lose all ability to cope. The more you delay learning to deal with them, the more they build up, as do the problems. Go back to the first paragraph, where I said you end up attracting more of the same, so therefore have more layers of it to deal with. There are many documented diseases that come from not dealing with our feelings & some just believed to come from that. High blood pressure is one that can come from not dealing, so are ulcers, migraines, & Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Granted, sometimes there are purely chemical imbalance causes, but most often not. Cancer is one many believe comes from undealt with issues, & I'm one that believes that. So the consequences of not dealing with your feelings & issues are far worse than just doing it. Unfortunately, many of us develop overall unhealthy ways of dealing, like walls or stuffing early on in life when we're too young to handle overwhelming feelings, & our mind employs these tools without our control even when we're older & more able.
I know that I've suffered plenty of consequences from my inability to handle what came at me & the feelings they caused. I'd forgotten my childhood until after separating from the first husband who kind of mirrored my mother. Yet later I married her twin! I did a lot of work in the 1990s to heal from the abuse, yet married her twin a few years later. Somewhere during that time I quit feeling my feelings for the first time. Most of my joy was muted & all my sorrows. I felt more like an observer in life than a participant. That's pretty drastic for me because until they became muted, I felt everything emotional much deeper than most people did! Recently my spiritual group talked about blocked feelings. One said she had the first full belly laugh she'd had in a long time & soon found herself having the best cry she'd had in years. At the time I wondered about myself. I know I laugh a lot, but couldn't remember a good belly laugh. Tonight, reading "Readers Digest" jokes, I had my second fully belly laugh of the week, over something that really wasn't all that funny & I've seen before. This is a great sign & affirmation of the work I'm doing, plus deep laughter is healing in itself. Laughter truly is a great medicine. And the other night I was zinging with positive energy so much so that I needed to bring it down a notch, so listened to some mood music. Next thing I knew, I was remembering a time very dear to my heart was I was 19, & I felt all the emotions I'd felt at the time! They didn't overwhelm me, but I felt all the nuances of first love again, & ended up crying for 5 full minutes! It wasn't a memory that needed healing at all, it was one of the most emotional times of my life but very beautiful & meaningful for me. The relationship ended badly & abruptly, & it turns out that's what I needed healing from, despite the fact it was 20 years ago & long forgotten. So my message is, it's worth the work to heal & learn to deal with your emotions. And remember, I'm working really hard to get back what I lost, even though that means I'll again be feeling more pain than most people ever do. But I want to get back to being me as I was created, & that means feeling things that deeply.
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