If you believe in the Bible fairly literally, you'll read that when God made everything, including man, He entrusted the rest of creation into our care, gave us stewardship of the earth, plants, animals, each other. He created adults to be responsible, rather than creating us as children. The first people were then also given children. As stewards, we aren't to use or exploit when we utilize. That's a misuse of God's gift. Every time we misuse or abuse in any way, we are dishonoring God's gift to us - whether it's our own bodies, resources, animals, or people. It's especially horrible when we do it to the innocents that breathe, those who have been entrusted into our personal care.
I wish I'd had my children when I was in my mid-30s or older. That would be after I'd gained some wisdom & understanding, had become more gentle, had learned better control, & confronted my own childhood demons. I thought, as most parents do, that raising my children was about molding them, teaching them. In truth, our job is to nurture & guide them, then protect them as much as possible. There's so much to protect them from, including themselves. Kids are rash, inquisitive, don't have the "internal no" developed yet. Stewardship is often about providing that "no." But it's also saying "yes" whenever you can, even if it creates inconvenience for you. As parents we end up feeling so burdened by all we think is important that "no" is our first response to almost everything.
We don't need to be training our children, we need to set the rules, then lead by example. We need to teach our children, not train them. There's a whole difference in attitude there, subtle but important. You can correct without harm, as long as you stay patient. I know that's not easy & I can't tell you how many mistakes I made with my own kids. I wish I could have concentrated on what was really important & let the rest go. I wish I hadn't been controlling because I felt that rest of my life was so out of control & unhappy. I tried to control them instead of identifying what was really wrong & controlling what I could, letting go of the rest. When we're young, during our child-bearing & raising years, we tend to concentrate on our jobs/careers, our home & property, acquiring things, providing outside activities for our kids, etc. Some of those outside activities are important, as are a steady source of income & providing a safe & clean environment, but most of what we set our care on is not really important. I believe we need to provide opportunities for our children to experience a variety of things & interests, to test out what they like & don't, decide what's of them & what isn't. That's often in outside activities like sports, music, museums, camping, scouting, etc.
The most important thing you can teach your child is unconditional love. When they receive it, they naturally give it. You need to establish that you are a safe haven & establish communication (which is two-way, not you talking & them listening). You need to set boundaries for them & teach them to establish their own. You need to teach them self-respect & through that, respect for others. From you they need to learn to know & be themselves, to trust themselves. All that is done even more by example rather than anything you say, but of course the words help them identify with the actions. My goals for my children were simple. They had nothing to do with business achievement & everything to do with what kind of people they became as adults. I wanted them to be deeply caring of others, true givers of the heart - honest adults willing to take responsibility for themselves & their lives. I wanted them to grow to live by my golden rule of cause & effect - that every word & action creates a reaction in kind so take care with what you put out there. I wanted them to make a positive impact on others. Despite my many mistakes, I must have done a lot right too because that's exactly what I've gotten. Both my kids are still only in their 20s, but they've already made me so very proud of who they are. They have huge hearts for animals & others, are very deeply loving individuals. They are deep nurturers, give hugely of themselves, & they're very expressive in their love, not afraid to show it, give it. Those were my goals for them, if I got my greatest wish, & what in my best of times I tried to teach. They absorbed that, internalized it, & made it their own. Hopefully they didn't also absorb too much of the negative & internalize that. Certainly they inherited enough other problems from me - from terrible PMS to hammer toes! (I won't tell you who has what, but I will say as far as I know, my son has no problems with PMS. Although all women know that all young men go through their days of mood swings too!) Part 2 tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment