Angel Baby Ornament sample 1

Angel Baby Ornament sample 1

Monday, August 8, 2011

We've Got Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself - Part 1 of 2 today

I believe Churchhill said that during WWII. It's another one of those things with new meaning for me. The other day I overcame one of mine - Gorilla Glue. For some reason I associated it with epoxy (another fear I've had), thought it had to be mixed. Yes, it carries all kinds of warnings - wear gloves, ruins clothes, stains skin. But we all know you're not supposed to get heavy duty glues on clothes or skin, & it wouldn't be sold over the counter in Walmart if it was that fearsome.

We entirely limit ourselves because of our fears & end up missing out on some great experiences. We also stiffle our growth & opportunites - for success, relationships, etc. Lately I've been doing things despite my fears & each time, I find the fear was worse than whatever I was afraid of. I haven't set out to conquer them, it's not a project of mine for growth. But moving forward in living & coping means you have to step out of your previous comfort zones unless you have someone else to do everything for you. I've been finding I can do all sorts of things I didn't think I could do, like fix an antique bed & restore it to use. I found out I was capable of much in the 90s when I was working full time, single parenting, & maintaining an old house that hadn't been kept up well enough. It wasn't fun - I wasn't in a good place mentally at the time. I did the things totally out of necessity, without joy. But I certainly found out I was capable of much more than I believed. I can't tell you how good it feels to accomplish things you never thought you could. And now I know I can handle the things I need to in order to live independently.

I lived most of my life in fear, & at times it was crippling. One of my fears was of being known & exposed. Think how that affected all my relationships! That was when I carried the secret in my heart (even from myself for the longest time) of the abuse I'd suffered as a child. During that time I also feared a God sized shoe dropping on me for any little wrong I did, so I was as good a person as I could be. I lived in fear of God, myself, fate, life. I had little faith in God or myself because I was living in fear instead. Fear is the opposite of faith. I feared doing wrong, being wrong, being judged, what others would say or do to me, failure, homeslessness & poverty. These are fairly common fears. Many of us have lived with them, felt the unhappiness of dealing with them. For example, I'll bet many of you have dreaded conversations you expect to be unpleasant. I'd play them in my head - what he or she would say to wound me, what I'd defiantly say in return. Yet it never happens that way. Usually by the time I'd have the conversation I'd so worried over, there was nothing to deal with after all. I've never accurately predicted how it would go, what the person would say. It was always much worse in my mind. That's the way our fears are. When something unpleasant does happen, we find a way to cope or get help. The fear that came before is unwarranted & needless torture. Plus, you don't prepare yourself with fear. It doesn't allow you to think clearly & come up with a workable action plan. It just makes you suffer, & perhaps make some unfortunate decisions or actions. Now on to part 2.

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