Self Environmentalism

As I said, I order my environment to renew my energy rather than drain it. I've taken the time over the years & again recently to get to know my self. I know what I need in order to thrive, & I'm recreating that within my home. I love beauty, old things that are well-made & in the style my grandmother had, cat things, flowers, scents, wind chimes, quiet, sunlight, air. I'm decorating my home with all that in mind. I use the features of the home the best way I can when I arrange furniture & decide what goes on it, always with my personal needs & taste in mind. I love baskets, for example, so I use them all over the house to hold things - kitchen tools, office supplies, magazines, string, etc. Favorite mugs hold rubber bands, pens, scissors, etc. Rather than having a lot of knick knacks around, that have to be dusted, I have things I can use for storage also. My office tape dispenser is a cat lying in position, ready to pounce. Over time I've collected & discarded so that I have many old things that bring me joy rather than things accumulating dust. I set up my home to take best advantage of the sunlight & breezes, the views of trees & wildlife.

Not everyone can or wants to live as I live, but there are some things you should learn from me here. I spend a lot of time in quiet, going within myself. Because of that, I know myself to a degree that has amazed every counselor I've ever had (remember, I had a lot of childhood issues to work out over the years). I've gone through my periods where I always had to have stimuli to avoid thinking & feeling - TV, music, socialization, addiction crutches (for most that's tobacco, drugs, alcohol, sex, or a combination thereof). But that just postpones the inevitable & causes more problems. Until we entirely face ourselves, we repeat mistakes & patterns & fail to truly move forward with our lives. Last night a friend talked about finding God's purpose for her life in the same sentence that she spoke about Him telling her what house she should live in! There's no way you are ready for God's work if you are so out of touch with yourself that you need to ask God what house He wants you to live in! Also, that's a huge lack of understanding of free will, God, the Universe, etc. I'm not saying He doesn't guide us to the home of our dreams. If we ask, He can help us. But first we have to know what we want, establish our intent & dreams. You have to take the time to know yourself & what you want before you can be concerned about what God has for you to do. You also have to know yourself before you're ready to be in close relationship with others, especially a significant other. It adversely affects every relationship you have with yourself, everyone else in the world, God & all creation if you don't truly know & love yourself first. The only way to do that is to cut out the distractions & go within & search yourself. You have to clean house from the inside out. Get to know yourself, face yourself, including what you believe to be the good, bad, & ugly. Work at it until you forgive yourself as needed, truly love yourself, & figure out how to change what YOU earnestly wish to change about yourself. Don't try to change because someone else says something about you. Turn off those messages & figure out what you truly believe & see about you. Remember, Pam & I are finding out that we CAN do all those things we'd been told we couldn't. We're both changing things about ourselves, big time. But we're only doing that with things we've identified to be valid that WE wish to change. I'm losing weight because my tastes are changing & I'm craving healthier choices & am way more active. I have toned areas & flabby spots, but I'm never going to a gym. I don't like that. When I'm ready & no longer have to spend so much of my body on physical tasks to clear out the house, I'll dance around to disco music. I'm selling my beloved exercise bike because it takes up room & I've decided I'd rather dance. I'll also probably finally start doing a little yoga, at home, for the stretching, toning, & meditation. It's not because someone wants me to look good or I ever want to please a man. I want to look good for me & I want to be as fit as those efforts will make me so I'm able to handle the things I wish to do without aches or fatigue.

Another benefit of going within & facing yourself is that you'll find that most of those negative messages that come from others & even from within your head are wrong. Remember, the ones in your head don't really come from you or God if you haven't done the self work, they come from society or our past. When you confront them you get to decide whether they're really valid. You get to forgive yourself for past mistakes & even current situations. You get to learn to love yourself. And then you get to move on to a better way of feeling, dealing with yourself & your life, dealing with others, & living. Once you begin doing the work, it gets easier & easier over time. At first it's slow & painful, seemingly endless. But if you keep at it, it starts going a little faster & less painful, & soon becomes a breeze. It's like first dates vs. when you've been dating for 3-6 months. First dates are awkward, 3 months in things are easier, at 6 months it can seem like you've been together forever. It's that way with getting to know yourself. By 6 months let's say, you "talk" in shorthand with yourself like with any other close & trusted friend. You don't need to work to know what you want or feel, & you feel good about yourself. At that point you've begun to create the life you want for yourself in all aspects. Then, if you wish, you can begin to think about finding out your purpose in life. If you believe God created you for work on earth, that's when you're ready to open to finding out. Remember that God dwells within all of us. You can't know Him if you don't know yourself. If you don't love yourself & know yourself, you're shunning His biggest gift to you. If you haven't taken the time to know yourself, you're practicing the biggest self-deception of all if you talk about seeking His will & purpose in your life. His biggest will & purpose in each of our lives is that we know & love ourselves. Truly. That's it. That's not my opinion, it's something I've read over & over from many different sources & have been directly told by different sources. Years ago a very wise minister told me to quit trying to figure out what God wanted me to do & start just doing, do what I wanted to do. He told me that's actually what God wanted. I have to call him & tell him I finally understand. He also told me I really do know what I believe, that it's all within me & would come forth as faith whenever I really needed it. He told me to quit trying to figure out God & go out & live. Now I'm telling each of you - quit asking God & start asking yourself, unless you're already on the right course & asking yourself first. I don't ask God much of anything ever. I converse with Him instead. I share when I'm feeling stuck or wanting more of something in my life, like the creative flow or spiritual awakening. He answers with the idea in my head of how I can make that happen, to which I answer something like "duh" because I did know that. I'm working every day to honor the gift of my self & my life that He's given me. I do that by knowing & nurturing my thoughts, feelings, body, spirit. It's worth the work & the rewards are beyond measure.